Um... yes?

Hello, Can you please add this to the blog?
I need nanny advice! I am currently working for a family that I love. Both parents work in the medical field and make great money. I'm adding this in because I feel that I may be getting ripped off. I watch a 7 month old for about 11 hours a day, 4 times a week. My pay is $300 a week tax free. I calculated it and I am making about $6.81 an hour. The minimum wage here in the midwest is over $7 an hour. I have 5 years of nannying experience and I am CPR certified.

 Am I getting ripped off?

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I Saw Your Nanny at the Playground at 78th and Amsterdam

When the parents are located, we delete the pertinent details of the post.
It's odd how bent out of shape people get when they don't get the chance to see what the post was about. We still keep a record of all sightings.
Thank you for your concern.

J'nei nei Pierce,

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The Key

Question for nannies. I have been at this job since July 15. My employers haven't given me a housekey.

On two occasions I was locked out if the house, with a child. Once on a 90 degree day and once in an electrical storm. I asked for a key. The mom told me she needed to feel more comfortable with me. (!!)

Thursday I had to take the daughter to gymnastics. Worried the parents wouldn't be home by  six and we'd be locked out again, I locked the doirs but left one set of french patio doors open.

When we got home, Dad was there. He said, "I'm going to ask once & I want an answer,  did you intentionally
leave the door open? " He made me feel like crap.

Mom came home then and said to me..."as badly as you want a housekey, you haven't shown me you deserve it."

It's a key.

#psychos.  #readytoquit


Sister Act

This summer, we used a pair of sisters to cover care for our 4 & 6 years old.  They were recommended to us by someone in our Church. The summer went pretty well. One of the sisters was flawless and one made some questionable choices, lost her patience and misplaced some important things, like a nebulizer.

Things have changed for me and now I have the chance to work full time through March doing what I love. I want to offer the nanny position to one of the sisters. I need to know how to phrase it so that she understands it is for her only. I don't want the sister filling in. This summer I was home most of the time, so when things went awry I could fix things. I was working from home, in the fall I will be working from an office in the city almost an hour away.

I'm hesitant because the one sister is remarkable, but the other sister is the Alpha sister.

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The Unsigned Contract

I started working for this family in the beginning of June. We have a nanny contract that was never signed. In the contract, it states that I will give them four weeks notice before leaving, but honestly these kids make me miserable. There is no bond at all between me and the children. The parents are great, but I'm not spending all my time with them. Their two sons (ages 7 and 5) hit, kick and scream at me, leaving bruises when they're finished. They will follow me around calling me stupid and awful, along with "I hate you". I try to put them in time out and they slam doors and throw shoes at me. I'd be fine giving them two weeks but I think a month would push me over. I work in the Boston Suburbs and make 17/hr at 60 hours a week on the books. Could they sue me for breach of contract/lost wages?

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I Saw Your Nanny on The East Side of NYC

Nanny was ignoring child and focused on her phone. When the child tried to get her attention, she yelled at him and then went back to her phone.

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Passive Aggressive Nanny on Instagram

Our weekend sitter showed us our nanny's Instagram profile on Saturday while babysitting. Our beloved nanny of 9 months had posted some disparaging remarks about our family and the children. One picture showed the back of my child, having a temper tantrum against the wall. She commented, "Maybe he'll knock some sense into him self."

Then there is a picture of two pizza boxes on our counter in what I see as pretty identifiable kitchen with the comment, "when your boss comes home 45 minutes late with pizza and doesn't offer you a slice."

The other things were a picture of the open dishwasher (full) with the comment, "If I'm putting away dishes from the weekend, isn't it like I worked the weekend." There is also a picture of a $20, a $50 and a $10 and the caption, "when your boss mistakes a $50 for a $20 and you know you've earned it so don't say squat." There is also a picture of the inside of our pantry showing some junky food with the comment, "Is it possible she's trying to make me gain weight. #size2".

Those alone would be annoying. They were brought to my attention by the weekend sitter who does not like the nanny. She is a private user so you have to be her friend and have permission to see her feed. While the sitter was scrolling, I saw a few other posts, like a post of the beach and my toddler's toes that said, "There is no better job. #nannyforlife" and one with the back of the kids holding hands walking at a park that said, "does every nanny think their kids are the best? Or is it just me? Cuz I do".

I didn't peruse her whole feed. I'm fairly certain that the weekend sitter showed me all the ones she thought I would take offense to. But given that she didn't use our names, the children's names and the children's faces, do I have a legitimate reason to be mad? On one hand I think I do. I thought the comment about the temper tantrum was harsh, but I don't believe she meant it. I think I was most put off by the picture of the pizzas in the kitchen because it made me seem thoughtless?

I'm not sure how to feel. I'm just curious what other mom's think of their nanny's twitter feeds or if they see them or if they have ever read something about them that sat hard with them.

Fireable Offenses?

These are all small, but they add up.
Paint on dining room table, nail polish on kitchen tile, foot smudge marks on bedroom door from letting child kick the door, depletion of all diet Pepsi, cheese and deli meats, is in charge of laundry but the children's clothing smells like mildew because she leaves it sit all day in the washer. I have talked to her, she says she is busy and forgets. She doesn't know how to use the Diaper Genie.  She keeps using 409 on the granite kitchen counter and my child's ears are constantly dirty.

The last nanny I fired collected unemployment because I didn't handle the termination properly. I think I'm stuck with a lemon.

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The Beef

I am a Mormon Nanny from Utah. I fly to NYC to interview with a family at the airport! Then I flew home. Two days later I was offered the job.

I fly back out. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job because they liked things about me like that I don't swear or drink or date recklessly, etc.

But I have been here for three months and I have what you New Yorkers would call a beef.

The kids are great. I have no problems with the kids.

I did agree to do light housekeeping. Unfortunately, for me, this has opened up the door to some things that I think are hypocritical.

The mom leaves me her lingerie to wash. It isn't basic, but is odd. One pair of underwear has no crotch and has a whistle hanging to it by a tie. I am too hand-wash those in the bathroom sink. I find it revolting.

I change the bedding. How little do you think of your nanny to have her strip your semen soaked sheets?

I pick up the laundry from the kids after they change because they never put it in the laundry basket. The reason is the mom, she leaves her laundry on the floor for me to pick up. This includes underwear with used maxi pads still attached or blood soaked underwear.

The bathroom garbage can has mini vodka bottles in it most mornings. (1-2) If I don't empty it, what happens if the two year old wanders in there and plays with them, drains them?

The wife also makes disparaging comments about her husband to me or inappropriate comments. For example, she called him a"fucking idiot" to his face and then looked to me and said, "I put up with it because he's hung like a horse."

Here is my question. Why did these people go out of their way to secure a Mormon nanny? She in particular seems to have no values whatsoever. She's a terribly, impatient and narcissistic mother.

I figured it out.

Wait for it.

I thought I was getting a great gig. Room and board and $450 CASH per week.

It wasn't the religion or the morals that they sought but the payrate.

I am really upset not just to find myself in this situation, but to find myself in a situation where the Jamaican nanny next door is making $850!

Rant? Rave? Bizarre situation? Email


Lazy & Neglectful Parent Update

Update: Hi everyone! A few weeks ago, I had a submission about the line between lazy and neglectful parent with four kids (8, 6, 2 and 1) I appreciate all of the advice and support with this family, and it is a very hard thing for me to deal with, as I was an emotionally neglected/abused child not by choice, but due to a tragic event. In any event, it has been quite the two weeks with this family, starting with last Monday (I had a day off) and the fact that she sent her 2 year old son to school without shoes, promised to bring him a pair later in the day and failed to deliver. And this week? She showed up Monday morning on something, what I don't know, and after she left, I ran to the phone to alert my directors. She then left and did whatever she does while her kids are in daycare. Monday night she showed up slurring her words, out of it, and my director contacted the police who did nothing. The mother asked my director who called the police on her, and my boss denied it. We have been documenting not only the children's condition, but the mother's as well at drop off and pick ups. Yesterday her 1 year old daughter had a severe diaper rash that we are thinking could be a yeast infection, plus she went home with a fever. Mom ignored our calls, and tried to drop her off this morning before 11a (our policy is that if we send a child home with a fever, they must be fever free for 24 hours without meds before they can come back. So she knew she was supposed to bring her back after 11a but played stupid yet again.)The sad part? Her 2 year old son was in school today, and she was home. He has shoes that are a size too big, and his clothes were dirty, plus he has a diaper rash as well. I cannot stand this parent, and I don't know how much more of her bs I can take. There are so many things I want to say, but I can't because I will lose my job, and it's unprofessional. Here is what I would say:

Dear _____,

As an educator and professional nanny, part of my job is helping families and working with them as a team. Throughout my entire career, I have worked with many, many families, and there are very parents I do not like. For me not to like a parent is rare, and a parent has to either rub me the wrong way or give me a reason not to like them. Your name has been added to that list, and I will be honest, I don't like you. The reason? How you treat your children, being a lazy, neglectful parent who doesn't even care about her children's well being. Don't even sit there and say you do, because you and I both know, along with the staff that you are full of crap. If you actually cared about your kids, especially the younger two, they would be home with you during the summer when you are not working, and you yourself have admitted you haven't worked since summer school ended in July. But you are sitting there collecting taxpayer funded childcare. All of the employees who care for your children: from administrators, to teachers to support staff: we collect a paycheck and our taxes go to state funded programs that help low income families. All of the parents who work jobs to collect a paycheck to pay the same taxes for the state funded programs, who work their butt off to pay tuition (daycare is not cheap) are paying for the same program. We make it possible for you to collect childcare from the state and of course, why would you want to have your kids home with you when you are not working? I mean, you are making a small co-payment that isn't covered under state funded care, so if you want to drop them off at 730a and keep them there until 6p, you can do that. It's not like you are paying for childcare anyway.

Speaking of your children, the two younger ones need you: and you need to get off your high horse and be a mother, not someone who gave birth to them, because that's all you are. We are trying to teach your children, and you haven't even met us anywhere. Just blow us off when we call you for an emergency, or when we ask you to bring in diaper cream, extra clothes, etc. Oh but you can get welfare and drive a 2014 car, right? Or the 65 inch flat screen in your two bedroom apartment with four kids and your boyfriend. You lose J's shoes, buy him a pair that's too small, and it was me that told you he needs an 8-8.5. So you buy him a size 9 that falls off his feet. He doesn't listen, and is so far behind developmentally that he is more like a 12-18 month old compared to the other children (all of whom are 2-3 years old) in our class. Why do you think he's behind? Hmmm. Could it be because you ignore him?

And let's talk about this week. I've been in the streets before, having dated bad boys who made a few dollars doing illegal things. I learned a lot, and learned things that can't be taught in classrooms. Not something I'm proud of, but trust me, I knew something was wrong with you when you dropped off J on Monday morning. I could tell you were on something. How dare you drive a car with your children in it, coming to pick them up on something! Yes, we contacted the police and unfortunately did they were unable to do anything. Are we watching you? If you asked my boss who contacted the police Monday evening, you know the answer to that. Yes, we are watching you and yes, we are documenting everything. Your childrens' conditions upon arrival, things they (the two older ones) say, things you say, and your condition if needed. It's evident to everyone that something is very wrong, and I will not let you treat your children this way.

The fact is, you don't care about your children, and the fact that you are sitting home with your children in care 40-50 hours per week, plus taking the two older children to the athletic club to swim every night while the two younger ones are in daycare is ridiculous. This isn't an assumption, it's what your boyfriend told us one morning at drop off. We hear things, we grow concerned. And what he said makes us all wonder who is watching your children if you are not doing so. You yourself made mention that four kids was a lot for you to handle and you wish you didn't have kids.

But you have kids. You have four beautiful children who need you, not your back. Your two younger ones, J and E, are most affected by this. Act like a mother or give me your son and I will raise him myself. I already bought him shoes and new clothes, and will most likely buy him snowpants, etc. because I know you won't buy it, and if you do, you will make an excuse not to have them at school. It's obvious you are good at manipulating the system and making excuses, but suck at parenting.

The reason why this hits home for me? I was an abandoned, emotionally neglected child. My father was in my life, and due to my mother's death, he lost himself, keeping everything inside. We would be in the same room, and not speak. He was involved financially, but not emotionally. Things a father is supposed to teach his child I had to learn on my own and from the streets. Kind of what you are doing to your children. It's called neglect and abandonment. And it hurts. How do you think J feels when you ignore him? What about E? How does she feel? Do you treat T and T better because they are older and listen, whereas the other two do not listen? Duh! Because you have to teach them to listen. Miss E, Miss B, Miss A and myself can do what we can do for E and J, but you have to do your part and meet us halfway. It's almost like you are in the outfield in one spot and switch spots at the last minute, constantly moving around without knowing what's going on. Think of a batter upto bat hitting the ball with you in the outfield and your not paying attention. What is the ball going to do? Hit you in the face, and it will hurt.

Think of me as the batter and you as the outfielder. I'm cracking that bat and the ball is coming straight for you. Consider this letter being hit in the face with a baseball-I've made phone calls about you, and I'm waiting for the OK from my director to file a formal report with CPS. Something has to be done, and if that means having CPS investigate you, so be it. Perhaps that will wake you up about how to be a better parent.

J is a handful-and you made him that way by ignoring him and his needs. I'm going to embrace every moment with him from now on and let him know he is loved, even if you are too busy being something other than a mother to show him how much you care.


I Saw Your Nanny at Thornbury Park in Glen Mills, PA

Yesterday 8/21,  from 10am-11:30am, I brought my 23 month old nanny kid to Thornbury Park in Glen Mills, PA. The other nanny there was a young African American woman with a British accent. Her nanny kid was an Asian boy about the same age as mine. The entire hour we were there, she shooed him away from her. He fell off of one of the structures and I actually almost went to him. She eventually noticed, picked him up, dusted him off and put him back down, still crying. She never said a word to see if he was okay. She was talking on the phone to a friend about gossip. At one point after an hour of being there she stated "I never put sun lotion on you". Please keep in mind, it was 88 degrees and HOT. I never once saw her give him water or put lotion on him. If this is your nanny, know coming from a nanny, I had to seriously restrain myself from asking her what in the world she was thinking. Please be an advocate for your son and have a serious talk with your nanny about how to care for your adorable son.

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Description OR photo of Nanny:
Description OR photo of child: (children's face will be hidden on site)

I Saw Your Nanny at the Rye Golf Club in Rye, NY

I am attaching photos and information about a nanny that I witnessed at the Rye Golf Club pool area on 8/17 around 3:30/4 pm. I saw the nanny from across the pool area, and I noticed that she was wearing a Baby Bjorn with a small newborn inside. On this particular day, it was over 90 degrees and very humid. As you can see from the picture, the baby is completely covered with the material. I was very concerned for the baby's well-being, and I went up to her and asked why she was wearing that on this type of day, and if there's any way that the baby could breathe in there. She insisted that it was fine, but when she later pulled the fabric off the baby, its face was bright red. I then told her that she should remove the baby from there, but she said if she did, that the baby would cry. I then asked her if she had a stroller for the baby, and she said yes.
I Saw Your Nannny

I Saw Your Nannny

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I Saw Your Nanny at 84th Street Playground in NYC

Not Another Cry it out Debate

I work for two families (part time, equaling FT). One who used the cry it out method to sleep train and another who took the time the daughter needed training and used substitutes for comfort (paci, blanket, favorite toy, holding them less time each day).

As time has gone on I'm seeing the developmental differences in both children. For the sake of this post I'll call cry it out child Carlie and other child Patience. Carlie is easily frustrated and whines and cries easily. Her face at times seems lost like she doesn't know what she needs or what to expect. Patience seems to evaluate situations more and cries with a specific goal (even if at times its for cuddles when I'm occupied). Patience overall deals with her emotions better and seems to understand the relationship between her and her caregivers more. I've learned through my time with them that though both families have social calendars Carlie doesn't get the quiet time that she needs. I think she's often stimulated and redirected. Imagine the tablet parents who always give their children something to hold them over.

What I'm leading to is, I don't agree with their parenting style or textbook guidelines. A lot of their methods are brash and don't take into account the child's needs or where she is developmentally. They compare her to where younger/older children are (ie does the younger friend have x number of teeth, can she eat bigger pieces of food, does she walk-yet Carlie is older she should be ahead of that). As a caregiver I in no way shape or form agree with these methods. I used to be a cry it out believer but since seeing first hand the differences I have to admit I've entirely changed my way. It's difficult for me to continue in this job knowing there's little focus on building a loving trusting relationship and all focus on textbook goals.

Has anyone here ever left a family for similar reasons? In the past I've disagreed with parents but never to this point where I just don't want to be a part of it and my professional advice is in no way solicited by them, in fact, they'd probably roll their eyes.

In a perfect world they'd see my point but I don't even know where to begin that convo.


Bad Nanny in Von King Park on Dekalb Ave in Brooklyn

Location: Von King Park on Dekalb Ave in Brooklyn

DATE/Time:Wednesday August 19, 2015 12:30pm.
Description of Nanny: Nanny is either Indian,Bengali, or Pakistani. (photo)
Description of Child:Baby is a boy about 18 months with light brown hair.
Incident: For the entire time my children and I were at the park the nanny was on her phone and there was no interaction with the child. We were at the park for more than an hour. I snapped a picture of the nanny putting the child in the stroller. She did it one handed and the child starts to slide downward. Not even then does she hang up her call.
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BAD Nanny at Dino Park in NYC

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Drinking Problem & Nanny Liability

Greetings ISYN,
     I left my last job for a great job in Connecticut about four months ago. The family seems really nice. I have noticed a problem however and I wonder how it affects me as I live-in. Mom is often gone on the weekends, she plays tennis, goes shopping and gets her nails done. Dad seems to stay home a lot. He has a car he works on in his garage. The children are 1 & 4.
     I have a nanny vehicle and come and go as I like. I have noticed sometimes when I come home from an afternoon movie or shopping..usually around 4-6, that Dad is passed out on the sofa and once even on a chair in his garage area/man cave. He isn't passed out from being tired. There are always Budweiser bottles everywhere.
     I know for a fact the children go down for their nap from 1-3. I think what happens is Dad drinks like crazy then and then gets the kids up. But after he gets the kids up, he passes out. When I have found Dad passed out, the kids were:
1) downstairs alone in the basement playroom
2) the three year old was playing in Mom's make up upstairs and the 1 year old was ripping up magazines on the sofa by the Dad.
3) the 1 year old was still in her crib and the three year old was out back (unfenced) on her swing-set.

     The problem is, Mom has seen this to and she doesn't stop what she is doing. I know for a fact she has come and gone from some of the same scenes I have found. I find myself stopping what I am doing, putting the kids in  the family room with a movie. I even stayed one afternoon in the playroom because I was so upset/mad/shaken.

     The family is one of those beautiful families that everything seems perfect. Flawless house, yard, etc. I don't think they would welcome my input on this. I would love to suggest to them that they consider a weekend nanny. I have to imagine they could definitely afford it! I am so afraid of something happening to the kids, but they don't seem to have the slightest concern that this is abnormal.

Odd work situation? Email

The Vermont House

My employers that I have worked for 4 years have a small house in Vermont that they use when they go skiing, rarely. They bought it years and years ago and have moved on to bigger things, so I think they used it once last year.

They have let me go skiing on a weekend there with a girlfriend known to them. We have used the house without problem. The house is a small three bedroom with bunk beds in two of the three rooms, very rugged, nothing fragile, etc.

In October of last year, I began dating a divorced guy who works as an electrician. He has a nice, small house in Tarrytown, drives a decent car and has two children that he has 1/2 custody of.  Since my family knows him, I thought it would be okay to ask if we could go away for one of my weeks off in August to the Vermont house with his kids.

Keep in mind, I have worked here for 4 years. I only have these three weeks in August off now because the kids are old enough not to need a nanny on vacation. 

I almost got tears in my eyes when I saw MB's reaction to my request. She looked put upon and then cross. She quickly covered and than said, that she would have to talk to DB. She never plays the "I have to talk to DB" card.

The next day she told me that they didn't think that was a good idea and that the kids would be a liability. My boyfriend having heard this thinks that they have no regard for me or him and thinks I should quit. I have to admit I was taken aback.  I don't ask my boss for things on any regular basis and this is a very rugged house, not fancy at all, it's more like a cabin and it's only worth about 90K!.

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Cover Up

I guess what I need is perspective?
I'm 22. I moved here from Iowa to be a live-in nanny.
I am a non make-up wearing, blond pony tail wearing tomboy. I'm short and thin.
In the summer I like to wear t-shirts and cut offs. Cut offs because that's how I recycle my jeans.
The family I work for isn't conservative, but I feel like I keep getting hit with conservative suggestions.
Case in point.
Monday morning, I come out and there is a bag from LL Bean with a note that says, "Thanks for being so great.". I open it and there are three pairs of shorts. But they are this style. (HERE)
I'm not 40. I'm also not overtly sexual. I'm not curvy, I feel insulted. But there is a chance this was a kindness, right?
In the beginning of the summer, the same thing with a Victoria's Secret bag. It turned out be be a cute pink robe, made of a jersey material. But all I hear is COVER UP. I work six days a week, 1/2 days on Saturday, so I think it is unfair for her to suggest I dress anyway but how I like, since I dress for the activity. If I take the kids to a museum, I will wear a sundress.


When the Nanny Won't Make Room for The Soon to be New Wife

Advice please...

I have been involved with a single father (widower) of three children ages 11, 8 and 4, for over two years. We have a long distance relationship, but it is serious, and we plan on marrying next year with me relocating to be with him and his children. The problem is his live-in nanny. She started working for him after his wife passed away. She has been with the children ever since. I believe she loves his kids and takes care of them.

The problem is she does not like me, and has treated me poorly since day one. When I first brought it up with him, he told me she was just socially awkward, and that I was imagining things. As time passed though it became obvious that this was not a manifestation of my imagination, with her becoming outwardly angry and jealous when he and I see each other. At one point she berated him for having "his priorities all wrong", and continued to speak poorly about me in the home. He and I have discussed (and argued) about this at length. He agrees that she is irrational in her feelings toward me and that her behavior is totally inappropriate. He has tried to reason with her but he said she is irrational- and that she would act this way regardless of who he is involved with. Is it just me or is that not incredibly toxic and abnormal?

I have never asked him to fire her, nor would I, but I have told him that as long as he does not establish clear boundaries, the problem will only get worse and we will all suffer because of it. Which is exactly what has happened. It is now at the point that his son, age 8, is recognizing that there is a problem, and that if we marry, he knows his nanny will leave, and that makes him sad. My partner is now worried that his children will resent us (which basically means me) when we blend our families because they will see us (me) as the cause for her departure. My boyfriend is sensitive because he feels the kids will experience another loss when she leaves, which I appreciate and respect, but the dynamic between all of them seems unhealthy as it is and the problem just continues to get worse. He admits the lines of her role in the family have been deeply blurred, she thinks she is the other parent, and that if we marry, she will leave. My concern is that she takes tremendous liberties not so much with the children but with him and his private life.

I don't know of anyone who has ever been in this situation before so am reaching out for advice and help from this community. I don't think 2 years is an unreasonable amount of time to expect him to establish some boundaries with her or to find some other way to deal with the situation. It has effected our relationship in a negative way and, her attitude and actions now so obvious it is affecting his kids. I think he has kept her around based only on his guilt about their mothers death, and perhaps the hassle of finding someone new. Because of his employment he cannot go without someone else in the home to care for his kids.

I do not want to give him an ultimatum to either get rid of her or me, but equally so I think it is terribly unfair to all of us to start our new family with his children blaming and resenting me for their nanny having to leave. I do not know how to get around this issue. All the articles I have found are about the mother (or in my case potential step mother) being jealous of the nanny, but in this case it is the other way around. Has anyone else had something similar happen, and how was it resolved??? I no longer know what to do.

Thanks for your thoughts.
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"I Was Told There Would be a Kitchenette"

I have been a live-in for over a year with this family. They asked me if I could commit to two more years. I said yes. They said they wanted to do some renovations with me in mind. This thrilled me! For the past year, I have lived in a room off of the laundry room with a full bath. I was excited to see that there renovations would mean building a new separate garage and converting the old two car garage into a nanny room.

The area I was in would be included in their kitchen addition so I needed to move out. I suggested that I could move to the guest room but was shot down. At first I was hurt. Then my boss said, you wouldn't want to be there, what privacy would you have? This made sense.
So, not like this.

My boss started asking me questions like, would I like a full or queen bed. Would I want a desk and desk chair? An electrician came out and did some work on the house including the garage. The garage was totally cleaned out and sheet rocked and painted with a base/primer.

Sounds good, right?

The concrete was painted. A rug from Home depot was thrown down. A new bed that costs like $89. and a new queen mattress and bedding. All of the stuff from my old room, including the twin bed and nightstand and two dressers. And, FROM THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, a sofa. and FROM THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, a small kitchen table set.

This was revealed to me on last Monday after I had went away  for the weekend. Not too mention, all of my stuff had been moved and carted out. The garage door is still there. They have heavy clear curtain sealing it off. Over that, then they hung white sheets, admittedly, they tried to make it look nice, using an old chandelier to make it hang a certain way over the sofa. There are two windows that face the same way and on one wall only.
 I have to leave the garage to go in the house to the second floor to shower. There is a half bath in the basement I can use other times, but neither is convenient. Taking a shower last Sunday was not a good thing in a house that was bustling with family on a rainy day.

It's hot in here. I complained and they got me one fan. Then a second fan. When my boss realized I was not loving my concrete garage house, she did go ahead and buy a portable AC, but WTF?

This has totally shot my self esteem. I feel like they made the same provisions for me that they do for their dogs. Am I over reacting? At some point, yes, they plan to finish the garage into an actual room, but they are doing their other garage and kitchen renovation now.

I asked the foreman when they were going to do the garage. He said "There isn't much to do really, rebuild the garage wall and put in a window and door, probably before Halloween"


Back Wages

So my family owes me a LOT of money. They had said I would get it when she got her bonus in August before we went away. Now we are away and I still have not been paid for all of the extra services. And I am away, working 14 hours a day 7 days a week, instead of 11/5.

They didn't acknowledge it or address it at all. I think they just think I will get tired of bringing it up.
Because we are now away and they need me, I want to ask them for the money.

I have a couple of questions:
If they fire me for asking to be paid back wages, then I am fired without cause and can file unemployment?
Is there any reason I should ask for anything but complete payment to bring them current with me? I fear they will offer a partial payment.

They owe me $1100 in babysitting from overtime and weekends, since January.
They live in a 5 million dollar house.
The house we are renting on the beach is 10K per week.

Again, they owe me $1100.



I was fired in May of 2015. I was fired because I, a mandated reporter took issue with arriving to work in the morning at 7:15 and the mom would be just returning from a run. Her husband takes the first train in the city. This means, she would leave her 7 year old son and 1 year old son alone for as long as an hour while she went running.

I told her I was uncomfortable and it wasn't legal or responsible. She told me she was "tired of being disciplined by the nanny" and I shouldn't return. I told her I would be submitting an unemployment claim. Two days later I received a call, she asked me to return to work. She said she would pay me for the two days off that I had missed and could I please come in tomorrow (a Tuesday).

By the time I realized what happened, I had been bamboozled. She and her husband unearthed a massive campaign of systematic and documented dissatisfaction. I was then fired 7 days later.  I received an email letter stating,

"Maggie,We have tried to work with you over the past months over some of the struggles you seem to have regarding the nanny job. We feel that should we continue on this path, we would be reckless with our children's wellbeing and as you can imagine. We cannot have that. We will provide confirmation that you worked for us, the salary amount and the dates for any future employer. As is our policy and to your great advantage, we do not disclose anything other than that to potential employers.
May you find your true path and follow it." 
And they signed it "The ____'s, "J" and "J
This time, as I remained fired, I went through the act of filing for unemployment, only to find that I had no proof that I hand conducted myself well and no proof of the original cause of friction between me and my boss. My claim has been denied. I was told to try to refile it and fight it.

I plan to. Now, I just wanted to warn you, especially you who work off the books, even though I work in the books. Seek periodic written references from your boss, even under the guise of being for a job or a volunteer position. Email is GOOD!

Pissed Off in Piscataway


Artist in Residence

My husband thinks this is funny and "not harmful."

I find it crude and inappropriate.

My 5 year old son was outside finger painting with the nanny and a huge roll of paper. He was wearing boxers so he didn't get paint on himself.

The nanny at one point pulled down her swimsuit and sat in a conglomeration of paint, she then moved an sat on a canvas, making a butt print. I'm guessing she washed off and pulled her shorts right up. She hung the picture in her room,which is next to the children's playroom. You can't tell what it is, until you know what it is.

I only found out about this yesterday when I was talking to her outside her bedroom and noticed the picture hanging on the wall. I said that it was interesting and she told me she had made it with Owen and that it was her butt. And she laughed.

It took me awhile to process that and ask my son for more details.

I think this is something I need to revisit. My husband says I should leave it alone.


Cure for an Overbearing Nanny?

I hired a nanny and paid an agency for the placement of a seasoned nanny with many years of nanny experience, including multiples. She started six weeks ago, she overlapped two days with the baby nurse. All signs pointed to greatness, initially.

And then, I realized what an expert she is and what a novice I am. I am game to learn things. I read. The baby nurse literally massaged my breasts to keep milk flowing.

The way she interjects her opinions or looks at me when the baby is crying, it borders on insulting. She is however really good at what she does, incredibly punctual, neat as a pin and quiet and unobtrusive, excepting when I have one of the children.

I think an example might be effective. I had just nursed baby two and he was a little fussy. I was holding him on my chest and patting him on his back. She told me, "he's still hungry."  I said, "I thought he was done.". She said "no, no, no, that is the cry of a hungry baby." Then she told me to "try again.". She also has told me that I need to talk about supplementing more formula, but the way she says it, it is almost as if breast milk is silly. She also noted one of the baby's ears was red and asked me, "have you been rooting around in his ear?" I said, "no". She said, "I saw some cotton swabs in the garbage in the nursery. You're just going to pack it in tight. That will make him stir with a big fuss." Then when I am eating something like cheeze puffs, she looks at me with a tight lipped smile and says, "I would be happy to make you some cheese and crackers, something good for your body."

Having given those examples, I have tolerated it this far because she is so good with the babies and because I hope to go back to work in three months. I don't want to start over with a new nanny when I have such a capable one here, even though she is a bit much to bear. Do I just suck it up, knowing that it will serve me better when I am away from the house 11 hours a day?


How Fine is the Line Between Lazy & Neglectful?

     At what point would a parent be considered lazy or neglectful? I'm contemplating contacting CPS regarding a family with four children: 8, 6, 2 and 1. Mom has made it clear that she doesn't want children, and I am seeing the effects of her lack of parenting, which is either lazy or neglectful, as evident by the condition of the children and things that just aren't normal for development.
Neglectful Motherhood - So Fashionable  (Jezebel)

     The 1 year old has black wax build up in her ears that has been there for over two weeks, and it was brought to the mother's attention. That level of wax should not exist, and often times one has to have wax flushed out of their ears by a doctor. This was last week, and the wax is still there. They are brought to school without shoes; on Monday this happened and the 2 year old was able to borrow a pair from the center, which Mom explained he lost them and she didn't know where they were. They bought him new shoes which are a size smaller than he needs (we figured this out by having the 2 try on a peer's shoes and they fit better than the one he is wearing) causing blisters on his feet. They arrive with dirty faces and clothes, reeking of odor, like they haven't been bathed. Yesterday, the 2 arrives with a face full of chocolate and dried food stuck to his shirt, today he arrived playing with the handle of a toy purse. His clothes and him smell like neither has been washed.

     From a development observation, both children are way behind. The 2 is unable to sit for group time, in a chair to eat a meal. He cannot use utensils or drink from an open cup. He is also non verbal, showing lack of understanding when you speak to him, shows no emotion or empathy for anything or anyone. He cannot sit down for group time, runs away from the group, and takes toys from other children. I get that these are typical behaviors of 2's, but in comparison to the other 2's, he is clearly behind. The other 2's are able to sit for group time (for the most part), they show emotion and empathy, are verbal, using two word sentences, do pretty well with utensils, and they do take toys from other children, but understand "please give that back," or "she/he had it first, let's find something new to play with", etc. This child understands nothing, and the saddest part is Mom does nothing, and that's obvious. As for the 1 year old, she eats off the floor and other's children's plates, cannot sit in a toddler sized chair, and cries non stop. The older children have dropped hints that they are responsible for the siblings care quite often, leaving many of us to wonder who is actually caring for these children.

      It's frustrating and draining, because of the situation. Call me judgmental if you want, but this mother is a flake, and I wonder if she is on something. This child needs an intervention, an evaluation, and IFSP. My gut is telling me something isn't right with this family, based on what I have seen. Everyone can see it as well, from directors to teachers. We are documenting everything that is said by the parents, the children's condition they arrive in each morning, along with things that we ask for from the family in a log for both of the younger children. This child needs one-on-one care, and I cannot provide that for him with a roomful of other children. It's almost as if Mom doesn't even know her own children or has a lack of contact with any of them.

Lazy parent or neglectful? At what point would you call social services?

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The Whole Thing is Odd

I noticed something odd and have to wonder is this the first time this has ever happened in nanny-land?

I live on a cul-de-sac. I see things.

My neighbors across the way got a new puppy for Christmas. They have been doting on this puppy. The nanny too, is good with the puppy. That isn't the problem.

In fact, there are two. One I have wanted to address and didn't know how, and one that seems implausible to address.

The nanny seems quite good with the children. She lives there. During the afternoons when the children are napping or having "downtime", her male friends will pop by to visit. They do not go in the house, which on the surface seems respectful of her employers. However, I am left with sight of them on a near daily basis. Sitting on the hood of cars, blasting music loud enough to be annoying, but certainly legal, swilling Monster drinks and generally just posing about like street toughs. I've not seen but one girl visit her. Most of them are males. They are hard looking with tattoos, cars with tinted windows, fins, rims and the like.  I had been seeking a way to introduce to the parents, possibly by way of myself and a third neighbor that we do not like the element she is bringing to the neighborhood. They hang out and see deliveries come all day for neighbors. I cannot help but realize they could be even subconsciously casing the house.  They just seem a bit uncivilized and, well of course, who else is free to do multiple visits during a week/work day? Sometimes they will bring her a frozen coffee drink. Anyway, be that as it may, we have yet to find a way to express our concerns to the neighbor without causing a cul-de-sac wide rift.

Add to this mind you, that on two times that I witnessed, one pair of males brought a pit-bull type breed, (possibly pure, I am not a dog person) to the house and entered the backyard with her. While it isn't politically correct, I do have an issue with the breed, and the breed in the neighborhood, but that isn't the oddness of which I speak.

In talking to my neighbor last evening, while she was walking her dog, she told me that on Friday he is going to the vet and checking in to get fixed. I have a very sound and sneaking suspicion that they were trying to impregnate their female dog with her male.  And while I know, simply mentioning the breed of the dog, the exposure of the dog to her yard and dog is enough to say when we do talk, I do wonder. How would you feel if your nanny was using your very young dog as a stud? Is this a legal activity? Is it moral? I am guessing there would be no proof. My husband seems to think that while it is wrong to bring a questionably vaccinated dog in the proximity of their dog, that these street toughs may have been doing an act of kindness for the male dog before his renouncement surgery.

Having followed this blog for the past few months, I saw a post just last week (?) about a neighbor who sent her neighbor an anonymous note and was attacked for it. What is the best practice for this? I know this blog is for nannies that someone might see while out and about and for people to connect to the unknown parents, but what if reaching known parents causes an angry outburst from the parent in front of your child? Can I submit a sighting to the blog of what I have observed? I think a photo of the guys vamping around their car would be enough to alert the parents that rascality is at play.

Thoughts from the blog moderators? From parents? From neighbors in upscale hamlets that may have to deal with similar waggishness?


Bad Nanny on the M15 Bus in NYC

Location: 86th at and took the M15 up to 86 in NYC

Date/Time: 1030/1040am today 8/11

Description of Nanny: See photo

Nanny (I really hope this isn't their mother) on 79 and 1st at screaming at them, embarrassing them and ignoring them as they cried. They were heading to the movies on 86th at and took the M15 up to 86. She also screamed at the person on the phone who was saving them seats at the theater. She made fun of the kids as they got on the bus for whining and then she ignored them on the bus and until she screamed at them when the bus stopped for them to get off the bus. This was beyond an adult being annoyed- this seemed abusive.
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