Things I'd Advise Against #4

My boss had her last baby and tied her tubes. She has had 3 pregnancies and worked throughout them. She has a massive amount of killer pregnancy clothing, all high end. It's all in her closet or boxed up in the attic.  (Rose Pope, Paige, Chloe, A Pea in the Pod & all good brands).

For the first time ever, I will have two weeks off at Christmas time. I want to take my family away for the holidays but that is not in my budget. See where I am going with this?

I was going to propose to my boss that I sell her items online for her on EBAY and that she give me a commission or cut of the profit. I know she wouldn't do this herself, she would probably just end up donating them.

I'm hoping she won't want any part of it it and will just say, "yeah, take them, do what you want with them." She's pretty fair. But when I propose it to her, should I have a percentage in mind for what I would ask for? What would that percentage be? I would be doing all the work, photographing, listing, answering buyer questions and shipping and handling. I'm guess that I'm not the only nanny to ever undertake this kind of thing so I'm hoping you have some suggestions.

Things I'd Advise Against #3

I am the employer of a nanny who has worked for our family for ten months. The nanny's mother recently went through a colon cancer scare, chemotherapy and now has a clean bill of health. The mother was a housekeeper at a finer estate in the city, where she lived with her employers so I know she was first rate.

I know the family has had a lot of bills and things to deal with. I get the sense that the mother isn't up to returning to full time work. I wanted to offer the nanny's mother the chance to clean for us 1-3 times per week. I know she was paid different wages in the city. I live in White Plains and have a more modest home. In the past we have paid a service to come in once every two weeks for a heavy cleaning at $110. I was thinking of offering her $150 a week for three half days per week? I'm hoping this would help us with our house but could also help her get some of her bills in order and perhaps even through word of mouth, I would be able to refer her services out to other clients.

Should I be concerned about employing a mother and daughter? I don't want to feel like a stranger in my home or like they have more control.

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Things I'd Advise Against #2

For the past almost 4 years, we have had a wonderful nanny care for our 3 children. This fall, the youngest will start a half day preschool program from 12-2:55, M-F. This will give the nanny three free hours during the day and I need help finding a way to bridge her nanny role to more of a family assistant so that she can continue in our employ.
 I have thought about offering her a split shift, and have her work from 730-12 and then 3-7 and pay her per hour. Right now, she is paid a flat weekly rate, but it averages out to $13. an hour.
My other thought is that during that three hour period, she could do the family laundry, change all the bed sheets, run errands and set the table, prep dinner and on a daily basis have a target project for organization, like pantry, mud room, child A's closet. This would allow her to continue at her current pay rate without reduction. I have posted about this on urban baby and the moms agree that this is what is done and that I should propose it to the nanny in a way that, "the job is changing, this is what we now need" and let her be in charge. The negative of that is, that she could say she doesn't want to do that and then I would have to find a new nanny. The positive of that is that I would look for more of a nanny/housekeeper.

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Things I'd Advise Against #1

I did something terrible.
I wanted to get my boyfriend a nice birthday gift and I used my boss's Nordstrom credit card and bought him $300 worth of stuff. He opened it, loved it. Then I had remorse. I told him. He told me I had to take the stuff back ASAP. This is 7 days later. I took the stuff back, tags still on and got the full refund back on the card. If I intercept the bill, will I be safe? Do I have to intercept the bill? Will a purchase and refund show up on the bill?


"I tell myself to relax and enjoy the good ride"

You would think I worked for the perfect family.

I am a nanny for two beautiful girls, under 8 years old. The parents are professional, successful and dynamic. I live in their Westchester home and have a great set up and drive a luxury SUV. For the most part, my job is great. I love the kids & the lifestyle.

Some odd things happen and then I feel like I am in the mafia and should shut up.

Case in point.

Two weeks ago, we had to have the septic people come out and flush the pipes because there was a back up. They literally showed my boss (male) what came out, hair, wads of paper and condoms.

That night, the two of them stood together in the hallway of my door and assured me that they understood I was an adult, but they weren't comfortable with me having relations in their home and were less comfortable with me flushing condoms causing a $400 bill. The way they stood there together was eerie. Why? It wasn't me. So which one of them was it? Do they know? I don't know. It was such a magnificent stare down that I came away feeling forgiven for my mistake. But I didn't do anything!

Three months ago, the wife came home with a gift bag from a jewelry store and a beautiful topaz bracelet in it. Topaz is not my birthstone or hers. As she walked in, the garage door sounded and her husband came in. I didn't notice anything. Until, she was standing next to me thanking me for being so good with the girls and saying that she picked this out for me and THEY hoped I would like it. The bracelet was beautiful. It's a female bracelet, delicate, blingy, not cheap. On the back of the clasp it says "Burn with it". What? Is that for me? Is it a piece she got a discount on because of a weird engravement? Or was it meant for someone else, like her lesbian lover? I never mentioned the thing because the way they talk to me sometimes is in such a way that you can tell you should agree, take it, thank it and move on.

But that is only with some things. Often, they are normal.

Am I overly sensitive to drama or should I be concerned? I tell myself to relax and enjoy the good ride.

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Get Out Fast

I just stumbled upon your blog tonight and am in dire need of some advice. I am a nanny to a family with a 2 year old boy and an 8 month old baby girl. I care about the children very much, but the older brother is very very aggressive. He is outright mean to his babysitter. Bites, hits, smacks, drags, whatever he can to hurt her whenever you turn away for a second. He also kicked me in the face Saturday night at bedtime while the power was out and I have a big black eye now. The parents are aware of his behavior but don't really care and don't think anything of it even though it is alarming to me. They also didn't care about my black eye. Today the mom sat me down and told me that night after they got home and I left, the power had come back on and they discovered he vomited in his bed and they accused me of knowing that this happened but I just cruelly left him in his vomit. I assured her that this was not the case, I put him to bed and was in bed with the baby for the rest of the night in the next room, but apparently her husband is very very angry with me and doesn't believe this. I am very uncomfortable and do not want to be there anymore. The fact that they think I am capable of that and that they do not care that their son likes to hurt their daughter is very worrisome. If she ever got seriously hurt, I would be the one to get the blame. So, my question is, how should I quit? I am very uncomfortable and really do not feel okay to be around her husband or in their house. What should I say to her? Thank you, so much in advance.
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Um... yes?

Hello, Can you please add this to the blog?
I need nanny advice! I am currently working for a family that I love. Both parents work in the medical field and make great money. I'm adding this in because I feel that I may be getting ripped off. I watch a 7 month old for about 11 hours a day, 4 times a week. My pay is $300 a week tax free. I calculated it and I am making about $6.81 an hour. The minimum wage here in the midwest is over $7 an hour. I have 5 years of nannying experience and I am CPR certified.

 Am I getting ripped off?

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I Saw Your Nanny at the Playground at 78th and Amsterdam

When the parents are located, we delete the pertinent details of the post.
It's odd how bent out of shape people get when they don't get the chance to see what the post was about. We still keep a record of all sightings.
Thank you for your concern.

J'nei nei Pierce,

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The Key

Question for nannies. I have been at this job since July 15. My employers haven't given me a housekey.

On two occasions I was locked out if the house, with a child. Once on a 90 degree day and once in an electrical storm. I asked for a key. The mom told me she needed to feel more comfortable with me. (!!)

Thursday I had to take the daughter to gymnastics. Worried the parents wouldn't be home by  six and we'd be locked out again, I locked the doirs but left one set of french patio doors open.

When we got home, Dad was there. He said, "I'm going to ask once & I want an answer,  did you intentionally
leave the door open? " He made me feel like crap.

Mom came home then and said to me..."as badly as you want a housekey, you haven't shown me you deserve it."

It's a key.

#psychos.  #readytoquit


Sister Act

This summer, we used a pair of sisters to cover care for our 4 & 6 years old.  They were recommended to us by someone in our Church. The summer went pretty well. One of the sisters was flawless and one made some questionable choices, lost her patience and misplaced some important things, like a nebulizer.

Things have changed for me and now I have the chance to work full time through March doing what I love. I want to offer the nanny position to one of the sisters. I need to know how to phrase it so that she understands it is for her only. I don't want the sister filling in. This summer I was home most of the time, so when things went awry I could fix things. I was working from home, in the fall I will be working from an office in the city almost an hour away.

I'm hesitant because the one sister is remarkable, but the other sister is the Alpha sister.

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The Unsigned Contract

I started working for this family in the beginning of June. We have a nanny contract that was never signed. In the contract, it states that I will give them four weeks notice before leaving, but honestly these kids make me miserable. There is no bond at all between me and the children. The parents are great, but I'm not spending all my time with them. Their two sons (ages 7 and 5) hit, kick and scream at me, leaving bruises when they're finished. They will follow me around calling me stupid and awful, along with "I hate you". I try to put them in time out and they slam doors and throw shoes at me. I'd be fine giving them two weeks but I think a month would push me over. I work in the Boston Suburbs and make 17/hr at 60 hours a week on the books. Could they sue me for breach of contract/lost wages?

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I Saw Your Nanny on The East Side of NYC

Nanny was ignoring child and focused on her phone. When the child tried to get her attention, she yelled at him and then went back to her phone.

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Passive Aggressive Nanny on Instagram

Our weekend sitter showed us our nanny's Instagram profile on Saturday while babysitting. Our beloved nanny of 9 months had posted some disparaging remarks about our family and the children. One picture showed the back of my child, having a temper tantrum against the wall. She commented, "Maybe he'll knock some sense into him self."

Then there is a picture of two pizza boxes on our counter in what I see as pretty identifiable kitchen with the comment, "when your boss comes home 45 minutes late with pizza and doesn't offer you a slice."

The other things were a picture of the open dishwasher (full) with the comment, "If I'm putting away dishes from the weekend, isn't it like I worked the weekend." There is also a picture of a $20, a $50 and a $10 and the caption, "when your boss mistakes a $50 for a $20 and you know you've earned it so don't say squat." There is also a picture of the inside of our pantry showing some junky food with the comment, "Is it possible she's trying to make me gain weight. #size2".

Those alone would be annoying. They were brought to my attention by the weekend sitter who does not like the nanny. She is a private user so you have to be her friend and have permission to see her feed. While the sitter was scrolling, I saw a few other posts, like a post of the beach and my toddler's toes that said, "There is no better job. #nannyforlife" and one with the back of the kids holding hands walking at a park that said, "does every nanny think their kids are the best? Or is it just me? Cuz I do".

I didn't peruse her whole feed. I'm fairly certain that the weekend sitter showed me all the ones she thought I would take offense to. But given that she didn't use our names, the children's names and the children's faces, do I have a legitimate reason to be mad? On one hand I think I do. I thought the comment about the temper tantrum was harsh, but I don't believe she meant it. I think I was most put off by the picture of the pizzas in the kitchen because it made me seem thoughtless?

I'm not sure how to feel. I'm just curious what other mom's think of their nanny's twitter feeds or if they see them or if they have ever read something about them that sat hard with them.

Fireable Offenses?

These are all small, but they add up.
Paint on dining room table, nail polish on kitchen tile, foot smudge marks on bedroom door from letting child kick the door, depletion of all diet Pepsi, cheese and deli meats, is in charge of laundry but the children's clothing smells like mildew because she leaves it sit all day in the washer. I have talked to her, she says she is busy and forgets. She doesn't know how to use the Diaper Genie.  She keeps using 409 on the granite kitchen counter and my child's ears are constantly dirty.

The last nanny I fired collected unemployment because I didn't handle the termination properly. I think I'm stuck with a lemon.

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The Beef

I am a Mormon Nanny from Utah. I fly to NYC to interview with a family at the airport! Then I flew home. Two days later I was offered the job.

I fly back out. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job because they liked things about me like that I don't swear or drink or date recklessly, etc.

But I have been here for three months and I have what you New Yorkers would call a beef.

The kids are great. I have no problems with the kids.

I did agree to do light housekeeping. Unfortunately, for me, this has opened up the door to some things that I think are hypocritical.

The mom leaves me her lingerie to wash. It isn't basic, but is odd. One pair of underwear has no crotch and has a whistle hanging to it by a tie. I am too hand-wash those in the bathroom sink. I find it revolting.

I change the bedding. How little do you think of your nanny to have her strip your semen soaked sheets?

I pick up the laundry from the kids after they change because they never put it in the laundry basket. The reason is the mom, she leaves her laundry on the floor for me to pick up. This includes underwear with used maxi pads still attached or blood soaked underwear.

The bathroom garbage can has mini vodka bottles in it most mornings. (1-2) If I don't empty it, what happens if the two year old wanders in there and plays with them, drains them?

The wife also makes disparaging comments about her husband to me or inappropriate comments. For example, she called him a"fucking idiot" to his face and then looked to me and said, "I put up with it because he's hung like a horse."

Here is my question. Why did these people go out of their way to secure a Mormon nanny? She in particular seems to have no values whatsoever. She's a terribly, impatient and narcissistic mother.

I figured it out.

Wait for it.

I thought I was getting a great gig. Room and board and $450 CASH per week.

It wasn't the religion or the morals that they sought but the payrate.

I am really upset not just to find myself in this situation, but to find myself in a situation where the Jamaican nanny next door is making $850!

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Lazy & Neglectful Parent Update

Update: Hi everyone! A few weeks ago, I had a submission about the line between lazy and neglectful parent with four kids (8, 6, 2 and 1) I appreciate all of the advice and support with this family, and it is a very hard thing for me to deal with, as I was an emotionally neglected/abused child not by choice, but due to a tragic event. In any event, it has been quite the two weeks with this family, starting with last Monday (I had a day off) and the fact that she sent her 2 year old son to school without shoes, promised to bring him a pair later in the day and failed to deliver. And this week? She showed up Monday morning on something, what I don't know, and after she left, I ran to the phone to alert my directors. She then left and did whatever she does while her kids are in daycare. Monday night she showed up slurring her words, out of it, and my director contacted the police who did nothing. The mother asked my director who called the police on her, and my boss denied it. We have been documenting not only the children's condition, but the mother's as well at drop off and pick ups. Yesterday her 1 year old daughter had a severe diaper rash that we are thinking could be a yeast infection, plus she went home with a fever. Mom ignored our calls, and tried to drop her off this morning before 11a (our policy is that if we send a child home with a fever, they must be fever free for 24 hours without meds before they can come back. So she knew she was supposed to bring her back after 11a but played stupid yet again.)The sad part? Her 2 year old son was in school today, and she was home. He has shoes that are a size too big, and his clothes were dirty, plus he has a diaper rash as well. I cannot stand this parent, and I don't know how much more of her bs I can take. There are so many things I want to say, but I can't because I will lose my job, and it's unprofessional. Here is what I would say:

Dear _____,

As an educator and professional nanny, part of my job is helping families and working with them as a team. Throughout my entire career, I have worked with many, many families, and there are very parents I do not like. For me not to like a parent is rare, and a parent has to either rub me the wrong way or give me a reason not to like them. Your name has been added to that list, and I will be honest, I don't like you. The reason? How you treat your children, being a lazy, neglectful parent who doesn't even care about her children's well being. Don't even sit there and say you do, because you and I both know, along with the staff that you are full of crap. If you actually cared about your kids, especially the younger two, they would be home with you during the summer when you are not working, and you yourself have admitted you haven't worked since summer school ended in July. But you are sitting there collecting taxpayer funded childcare. All of the employees who care for your children: from administrators, to teachers to support staff: we collect a paycheck and our taxes go to state funded programs that help low income families. All of the parents who work jobs to collect a paycheck to pay the same taxes for the state funded programs, who work their butt off to pay tuition (daycare is not cheap) are paying for the same program. We make it possible for you to collect childcare from the state and of course, why would you want to have your kids home with you when you are not working? I mean, you are making a small co-payment that isn't covered under state funded care, so if you want to drop them off at 730a and keep them there until 6p, you can do that. It's not like you are paying for childcare anyway.

Speaking of your children, the two younger ones need you: and you need to get off your high horse and be a mother, not someone who gave birth to them, because that's all you are. We are trying to teach your children, and you haven't even met us anywhere. Just blow us off when we call you for an emergency, or when we ask you to bring in diaper cream, extra clothes, etc. Oh but you can get welfare and drive a 2014 car, right? Or the 65 inch flat screen in your two bedroom apartment with four kids and your boyfriend. You lose J's shoes, buy him a pair that's too small, and it was me that told you he needs an 8-8.5. So you buy him a size 9 that falls off his feet. He doesn't listen, and is so far behind developmentally that he is more like a 12-18 month old compared to the other children (all of whom are 2-3 years old) in our class. Why do you think he's behind? Hmmm. Could it be because you ignore him?

And let's talk about this week. I've been in the streets before, having dated bad boys who made a few dollars doing illegal things. I learned a lot, and learned things that can't be taught in classrooms. Not something I'm proud of, but trust me, I knew something was wrong with you when you dropped off J on Monday morning. I could tell you were on something. How dare you drive a car with your children in it, coming to pick them up on something! Yes, we contacted the police and unfortunately did they were unable to do anything. Are we watching you? If you asked my boss who contacted the police Monday evening, you know the answer to that. Yes, we are watching you and yes, we are documenting everything. Your childrens' conditions upon arrival, things they (the two older ones) say, things you say, and your condition if needed. It's evident to everyone that something is very wrong, and I will not let you treat your children this way.

The fact is, you don't care about your children, and the fact that you are sitting home with your children in care 40-50 hours per week, plus taking the two older children to the athletic club to swim every night while the two younger ones are in daycare is ridiculous. This isn't an assumption, it's what your boyfriend told us one morning at drop off. We hear things, we grow concerned. And what he said makes us all wonder who is watching your children if you are not doing so. You yourself made mention that four kids was a lot for you to handle and you wish you didn't have kids.

But you have kids. You have four beautiful children who need you, not your back. Your two younger ones, J and E, are most affected by this. Act like a mother or give me your son and I will raise him myself. I already bought him shoes and new clothes, and will most likely buy him snowpants, etc. because I know you won't buy it, and if you do, you will make an excuse not to have them at school. It's obvious you are good at manipulating the system and making excuses, but suck at parenting.

The reason why this hits home for me? I was an abandoned, emotionally neglected child. My father was in my life, and due to my mother's death, he lost himself, keeping everything inside. We would be in the same room, and not speak. He was involved financially, but not emotionally. Things a father is supposed to teach his child I had to learn on my own and from the streets. Kind of what you are doing to your children. It's called neglect and abandonment. And it hurts. How do you think J feels when you ignore him? What about E? How does she feel? Do you treat T and T better because they are older and listen, whereas the other two do not listen? Duh! Because you have to teach them to listen. Miss E, Miss B, Miss A and myself can do what we can do for E and J, but you have to do your part and meet us halfway. It's almost like you are in the outfield in one spot and switch spots at the last minute, constantly moving around without knowing what's going on. Think of a batter upto bat hitting the ball with you in the outfield and your not paying attention. What is the ball going to do? Hit you in the face, and it will hurt.

Think of me as the batter and you as the outfielder. I'm cracking that bat and the ball is coming straight for you. Consider this letter being hit in the face with a baseball-I've made phone calls about you, and I'm waiting for the OK from my director to file a formal report with CPS. Something has to be done, and if that means having CPS investigate you, so be it. Perhaps that will wake you up about how to be a better parent.

J is a handful-and you made him that way by ignoring him and his needs. I'm going to embrace every moment with him from now on and let him know he is loved, even if you are too busy being something other than a mother to show him how much you care.


I Saw Your Nanny at Thornbury Park in Glen Mills, PA

Yesterday 8/21,  from 10am-11:30am, I brought my 23 month old nanny kid to Thornbury Park in Glen Mills, PA. The other nanny there was a young African American woman with a British accent. Her nanny kid was an Asian boy about the same age as mine. The entire hour we were there, she shooed him away from her. He fell off of one of the structures and I actually almost went to him. She eventually noticed, picked him up, dusted him off and put him back down, still crying. She never said a word to see if he was okay. She was talking on the phone to a friend about gossip. At one point after an hour of being there she stated "I never put sun lotion on you". Please keep in mind, it was 88 degrees and HOT. I never once saw her give him water or put lotion on him. If this is your nanny, know coming from a nanny, I had to seriously restrain myself from asking her what in the world she was thinking. Please be an advocate for your son and have a serious talk with your nanny about how to care for your adorable son.

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Description OR photo of Nanny:
Description OR photo of child: (children's face will be hidden on site)

I Saw Your Nanny at the Rye Golf Club in Rye, NY

I am attaching photos and information about a nanny that I witnessed at the Rye Golf Club pool area on 8/17 around 3:30/4 pm. I saw the nanny from across the pool area, and I noticed that she was wearing a Baby Bjorn with a small newborn inside. On this particular day, it was over 90 degrees and very humid. As you can see from the picture, the baby is completely covered with the material. I was very concerned for the baby's well-being, and I went up to her and asked why she was wearing that on this type of day, and if there's any way that the baby could breathe in there. She insisted that it was fine, but when she later pulled the fabric off the baby, its face was bright red. I then told her that she should remove the baby from there, but she said if she did, that the baby would cry. I then asked her if she had a stroller for the baby, and she said yes.
I Saw Your Nannny

I Saw Your Nannny

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I Saw Your Nanny at 84th Street Playground in NYC

Not Another Cry it out Debate

I work for two families (part time, equaling FT). One who used the cry it out method to sleep train and another who took the time the daughter needed training and used substitutes for comfort (paci, blanket, favorite toy, holding them less time each day).

As time has gone on I'm seeing the developmental differences in both children. For the sake of this post I'll call cry it out child Carlie and other child Patience. Carlie is easily frustrated and whines and cries easily. Her face at times seems lost like she doesn't know what she needs or what to expect. Patience seems to evaluate situations more and cries with a specific goal (even if at times its for cuddles when I'm occupied). Patience overall deals with her emotions better and seems to understand the relationship between her and her caregivers more. I've learned through my time with them that though both families have social calendars Carlie doesn't get the quiet time that she needs. I think she's often stimulated and redirected. Imagine the tablet parents who always give their children something to hold them over.

What I'm leading to is, I don't agree with their parenting style or textbook guidelines. A lot of their methods are brash and don't take into account the child's needs or where she is developmentally. They compare her to where younger/older children are (ie does the younger friend have x number of teeth, can she eat bigger pieces of food, does she walk-yet Carlie is older she should be ahead of that). As a caregiver I in no way shape or form agree with these methods. I used to be a cry it out believer but since seeing first hand the differences I have to admit I've entirely changed my way. It's difficult for me to continue in this job knowing there's little focus on building a loving trusting relationship and all focus on textbook goals.

Has anyone here ever left a family for similar reasons? In the past I've disagreed with parents but never to this point where I just don't want to be a part of it and my professional advice is in no way solicited by them, in fact, they'd probably roll their eyes.

In a perfect world they'd see my point but I don't even know where to begin that convo.