Sexual Harassment ?

Here is something that has been bothering me for a week, and although I did speak to someone about it, I am seeking other's opinions, along with advice about how to see and speak to this individual when I see them again, along with what to do should the incident happen again. It's not related to childcare, but I'm sure some reader may have experienced this themselves with a DB or someone else, or they may know someone who has experienced this issue.

My weekend nanny position came to an end, and in order to maintain close to the same income from my nanny position, I accepted a job in retail and was hired on the spot due to my extensive retail experience. Everything is going great except for a manager that I have lost respect for. The reason? The way he speaks to me, his tone, and what he said recently, that makes me question if it was sexual harassment.

Last weekend (Saturday) I noticed it was close to the end of my shit (6p) and I motioned to this manager that it was time for me leave, and I asked him if I could take care of the customers in my lane, turn off my light and leave. He tells me in a sharp tone that it's retail, and I cannot leave. I accidentally turned off my light, and he comes back over and turns it back on, telling me " 'you may control most of the men in your life, but you can't control me' " in front of a customer. It sounded inappropriate and I have seen him staring at me before in a certain way, such when I said hello to him on my off day (I was grocery shopping) and when I was leaving I thanked him for helping me find a product. He was like " 'no, thank YOU' ", while checking me out. On this particular day he laid into me, and had me leave work in tears. There are only three occasions when I have cried at work: once when my cat died (he died while I wasn't home), when a parent told me I was too stupid, fat and lazy to work with children (her son was in my class and she didn't like me for an unknown reason) and now this. I was so upset I cried as I was walking upstairs, and I ran out of the store and to the safety of my car. Not only did his comment hurt, but what else he said (not relevant to the topic) in private.

The reason why I wonder could this be sexual harassment is due to the things he has said about other females:

" 'I haven't seen ____ all night. ____ must be in the back banging her back out' ". The "her" in this statement, is a young female manager who is very sweet and understanding. He said this to another male employee, but I don't think he realized I heard him.

Another female employee has fibromyalgia, and a skin condition of sorts. She mentioned something to this manager about her condition because she needed to leave work due to illness, and he told her it looks like herpes on her leg. (She has a large sore that's not contagious related to her skin condition.)

I've had anxiety about working with him,and from what I heard, he is very abrasive to female employees. HR already has had these employees complain, and I spoke with HR about him as well. She mentioned she talked to him. but I'm wondering if he was talked to. If and should he speak to me like this again, I am considering going above my store director's head and right to corporate.

Sexual harassment? What do you think?


Nanny Uses Charges To Rob Bank

A nanny in Denver is accused of using 2 children,her charges, to rob a bank-a heist allegedly planned to help her pay back money stolen from her employers. Rachel Einspahr, 28, went to the drive-thru at the Colorado East Bank & Trust in Severance-about 65 miles north of Denver - on Friday after picking up two sisters after school, according to the Weld County Sheriff's Office.

She allegedly sent a note through the vacuum tube demanding money for a man in the back of her Nissan Pathfinder threatening to hurt the girls,who are ages 7 and 1 1/2. The teller,believing the children were in danger, gave her $500, sheriff's spokesman matt Turner said. The girls were not hurt, and one told investigators there never was a man in the vehicle with them.

According to an arrest affidavit,first reported by the Greeley Tribune on Tuesday, Einspahr allegedly told investigators she wanted to rob the bank to pay back $ 15,000 of the money she stole under a possible plea agreement. Court Documents don't don't list who is representing her in the bank robbery case, but lawyers who represented her in previous cases did not return calls for comment.

According to the document,Einspahr,who is in jail,told detectives she first considered robbing a bank in larger nearby Greeley but then went back to Severance to pick up the children. She said she drove around for a while, bought the girls lollipops at a gas station and then removed her license plates and wrote a note for the teller on a side street before going ahead with the alleged robbery at a bank about a half a mile from her home, the document said.

After the robbery, investigators said she took the children to a park to play so she could put the plates back on.

Deputies, using surveillance video from the bank, found her SUV parked in front of her house and arrested her.She is scheduled to appear in court in the theft cases on Weds, when the prosecutors are also expected to file charges against her in the bank robbery



Wage advice In Birmingham Al.

I am interviewing with a family right now who needs a full time nanny (M-F 8-5). They have 3 boys, but my primary work would be taking care of the 7 year old non-verbal autistic boy. I would be taking the kids to activities, doing some light housework and laundry, running errands, and then doing a lot of therapy homework with the 7YO. I have lots of experience with special needs kids, but I am not sure what I should be charging and asking for with benefits.

I told the mom I charge $19-21 an hour for special needs families. Is that about right? With all of the extra responsibilities as well?
She said we can also talk about insurance, paid holiday’s, and paid vacation/sick time. What should I ask for? She mentioned that they might need night help for babysitting/weekend help and would be interested in doing salaried. What would the best route to go with that? Is salaried or hourly better?



Today I was informed by my director (I work in a preschool) that a parent in my classroom wants to move her child to the other classroom in our age group. The reason? Apparently she told my director that we (myself and my co-teacher) aren't very friendly or welcoming to this parent and her child. When I heard this information, my director wouldn't tell me which parent she was talking about; the only thing she said that it was a family who recently transitioned into the classroom. We got three new children and families, and two-thirds of our recent transitions are staff children: my administrator's nephew and director's son, so I know it's isn't either staff parent. I also know it is not any of the children in the classroom, as all of our parents love us. What we figured out was that it is one particular parent in our room, and to be honest, I find what she told the director rather interesting, and I am wondering if this is the start of drama from the mother.

Here's the thing: M and D are in a custody battle, and M is trying to control everything. M paints a rather negative picture of D, as D cheated on his wife with M and here comes a baby outside of his marriage. There are "rules" he must abide by, such as not picking up before 4p on his two days per week, this that, that, this. She is such a headache that D was called on one of his days because the child had a fever and therefore needed to be picked up per the sick policy. M finds out and wants documentation her child was sick, so she was given the illness report and a copy of our sick policy in the parent manual. It wasn't good enough for her apparently. More recently, D has gotten two overnights per week where he picks up from school on his days and drops her off the next day. This was a recent change, and from what he told us, he is attempting to obtain 50/50 custody. D drops her off early in the morning, around 645-700a, and from what I understand, M and Grandma (M's mother) were livid that D dropped off his child so early in the morning.

I could go on here, but we believe that M is a drama queen, and she is pissed about the recent court date, and therefore finding something to be pissed off about. So she tells our director something that isn't even true. Do we greet her and the child in the morning? Yes. Sometimes when M drops off, we may be busy with group time or changing diapers and/or taking children potty, but we ALWAYS make it a point to say hello to her. She comes in the classroom, acts as if she is either too good to speak, in a hurry to leave, and sometimes leaves without saying anything, such as a hello. I get the impression that she is standoffish, and from what I remember, my director even said this parent was a headache with the multiple tours (she toured five times, demanded the other toddler room, said the classroom her child would be in at the time was too small considering it is a one year old room. She didn't like the toys in that room, as she felt her daughter was too advanced to play with them, and had other things she didn't like when she first started.

D is not what M makes him out to be: he is very nice, down to Earth, and has realistic expectations. Easy to talk to, friendly, and fun. M is a beauty queen type who still lives with her mother, with a better make up job than a make up artist. I honestly don't have a problem with M,. but I also don't like it when people make up crap because of something else. I feel like she is pissed off about the fact that D chose his wife over her, along with the entire custody situation that she is finding anything she can to be pissed about and being a drama queen over something that isn't true.

Should we overly nice to her or not? Other teachers also believe she is standoffish and not very friendly.

How to ask for a raise... Sacramento, CA.

Hi I was wondering on how to approach my MB for a raise. At the moment I get paid $10/hr. I'm currently in Sacramento, CA. Infant will be turning one soon and every once in awhile I also watch her 4yr old as well. I love my job, love the family too, just don't know how to bring it up. Any suggestions??



Advice on asking for a raise

I need some opinions! I am in a nanny share in Chicago and have been for 1.5 years. Both of the kids will be 2 this summer and I generally love my job and the kids. One of the moms is pregnant and due in July which will add another baby to the mix in the fall. I am paid salary, but it stems to about 16 ish per hour. I feel like this is low and would like to ask for a raise. I'm not sure how to go about asking for a raise before the baby is included in the deal, when I feel an additional raise is necessary. $16 an hour for a nanny share is a steal in Chicago, a pretty highly paid nanny market. Any opinions/experience asking for a raise is welcome! Thank you!

Bad Nanny Sighting - Orange, NJ

> This morning I had an encounter with a nanny who should absolutely NOT be a nanny. Shortly after I got to the park in South Orange, NJ, this nanny started yelling at another mom for picking up her charge's tennis ball. Often people will play with toys laying around and put them back where they found them, it's pretty standard in park play. But the nanny yelled "no, no, that's our ball." Then she yelled at her little charge maybe 2 years old to go get the ball from the lady. Fast forward 20 min (all this time she is sitting on the bench with a 3-4 month old on her lap while talking to another nanny) she lays the baby on a blue blanket on the ground that is made of wooden chips, and continues to talk to the other nanny, without paying any attention to the baby. I notice the baby has two super long and massive wooden chips hanging out of its mouth and I ran to pull it out (he was seconds from choking on it). Of course the baby started crying and she yells "his mom wants him to eat dirt! She tells me everyday if he comes home dirty she's happy!" I replied very sarcastically "oh I'm sorry he was about to choke so I pulled it out." She said "oh I would do the same if I were you but his mom wants him eating dirt." A: what mom in their right mind wants a 3-4 month old eating dirt and B: let's say she did. I don't think wooden chips the size of a finger would constitute as dirt and C: he's "eating dirt" unsupervised while you have a conversation! Please nannies and moms in South Orange, NJ if you know the parents of this child, let them know that their child is possibly always in danger of choking


Fellow nannies, how do you find your jobs?

I am currently looking for a full/part time job in Alabama, and I am having trouble finding any good jobs. I am on care.com and I already asked all of my contacts if they anyone looking for a nanny. I have lots of experience and very good references, but very few people have responded to my application. Thus I need some different routes to look at. So fellow nannies, how do you find your jobs? Any suggestions of what I an do? I am wary of trying craigslist…



The Attack Of the Bouncy House

Over the weekend at a school carnival in Houston a huge Bouncy House was blown into a crowd of nannies, kids and others - 10 people were injured and taken to the hospital. I ( Leigh ) was there with some charges and saw it - it was very scary. I heard not happy screaming and then saw the big Bouncy House rolling in the wind like a bowling ball over the crowds with nanny friends and parents jumping in front of the kids and trying to stop it. My charges and I were far away at the snow cone stand thanks to goodness.

Have you ever seen anything dangerous at these type events?

What precautions do you take?

Have you or your charge ever been injured ?


Mother's Day Craft idea!

Hey, here's an idea I did with my 9month old charge for his mom's mothers day. The hardest part is getting a clean foot print!! It's a little easier I found though, to put the paint on a clean sponge then press baby's foot on it then to the plate. Make sure to bake it once it's how you want it to look!

Nanny Tax Question

Hi, had some questions about nanny taxes. What has your all's experience been? Need to do this for the first time, so what information will my employer need from me? Any forms I need to fill out? Basically I just need to figure bout what my part is to get paid on the books!

Mother's Day Idea recommendations.

I am a nanny of a 2 year old and planning some fun ideas for Mothers Day. Charge is becoming a big brother come November. She is currently 10 weeks. Should we make something from the unborn baby too? Can you recommend anything? Thank you.

What to do when leaving?

Does anyone have any ideas or what have you done personally when leaving a nanny job? When they let you go, but in a good way, we have a good relationship. But will only have worked less than a year. Do you write a letter? Gift? Nothing? Thank you!

Not you again! !

I arrived at work today, and on her way out the door, the other nanny mentioned that "MB's friend and husband would be moving in sometime tonight."

Yes, I heard correctly. Moving in.

This friend already stayed with the family earlier this year after having a fight with her husband. What we thought would be a one or two night cooling off period stretched into a month - long stay. And while she was here, she drove us all batty. She tried to take over the cooking (nobody really liked what she made). She tried to take over for the nannies (despite MB repeatedly telling her that we were in charge and she needed to leave us alone). She went through the kitchen and pantry, throwing out things she deemed unnecessary. She constantly talked about how the kids needed a better schedule/routine (we have one and it works great for us, thanks so much!), how far behind they were (they're not), what MB and DB were doing wrong as parents (they're awesome). She had no sense of boundaries whatsoever.

MB and I repeated often to each other in despair, "Isn't she ever going home?" When she finally left we literally stood in the kitchen and giggled in hysterical delight because she was GONE.

Fairly or not, I am angry (and a little bit hurt). Angry because this is the worst possible timing - there are major changes going on right now in the kid's lives (they just adopted their fourth child with some developmental/emotional issues, and the bonding/adjustment period has been rough for us all). The first time the friend moved in, my stress level was through the roof the entire time; it's pretty much sky - high right now ALREADY without the added stress. I've been with the family for over three years. In that time, they've gone through seven other nannies (because of the kids special needs and mom and dad's unique schedule, they need two nannies). I've been there for them through all of it - family emergencies, sickness, etc.

I am hurt because I did not get so much as a heads up. Also, this friend and her husband intend to stay for 3-4 MONTHS while they have major renovations done on their townhouse. They're bringing their two dogs (my NF already has one big one). Also, the husband works from home and so he would be home with me and the kids during the day. I don't know him at all and this makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I have a really good relationship with these people. In some ways, we're more like family. When this happened before, MB repeatedly told me that if it came down to the friend or her, she would make her leave. Do I have the right to say, "this is not okay, I'm not on board with this?" I could muscle through the first time because I knew it would only be for a limited time, but I'm dreading the summer now, especially considering everything that is going on now already. I feel like I may cause some uncomfortable moments if I bring it up, but I think our relationship would survive and honestly, I don't think I can do it again. Any advice?

I need help. I have no idea what to do.

I started working 48 hours a week for a family with 2 full time parents last February. From the beginning, there were a couple of issues. First, the parents clean almost NOTHING! They are the dirtiest sloppiest people I have ever worked for. In the initial interview, they said extra duties include maybe a load of laundry once in a while and filling the dishwasher every few days. Nope. Everyday I clean the disaster of a kitchen (they leave their dinner and breakfast dishes for me everyday, they don’t even put away the breakfast food they get out), I sweep floor, clean up tons of food dropped on the floor, clean up toys and paint (they don’t have the kids clean up anything), do 2-5 loads of laundry, make bottles, organize toys/playroom, clean the kid’s rooms, clean out the fridge, organize the pantry, do odds and ends for the mom such as finding something for her or organizing whatever she wants, plus putting away tons of the parent’s crap that they leave everywhere (mail, clothes, nail polish, brushes). My day is an endless frenzy of getting everything done since they do nothing for the house except make a mess.

The other problem is that the mom doesn’t discipline the children or expect them to obey her. Normally, I can deal with this and set up boundaries for the children, so it isn’t a problem. But I realized, the mom doesn’t want anything to change… She doesn’t want the children to have structure or discipline, even if she says she does. For example, one day I told the mom that I gave the 2 year old a timeout cause she hit her sister 5 times… The mom instantly looked displeased, and asked if I had made sure the 2 year old had eaten her snack, and had gotten a good nap… Of course I had, and the 2 year old just needed a timeout and take a break from beating up her sister..

I have talked to the mom about the housework, and that it is way too much. She said that of course I don’t need to do more than I can handle, and that since she doesn’t do anything, she understands. However, everyday for 5 days after that conversation, she started texting me asking me to do more stuff. Such as pick up all the toys her children had thrown all over the downstairs that morning, before I arrived. Or helping the housekeeper pick up toys and clean the kitchen. So obviously my talk did not kick in.

Despite all of these issues, I am happy to have a job and they pay me pretty well. $15 an hour for 48 hours, with me nannying 3 kids. I don’t want to go through the interview process again, cause it took me 4 months to find this family.

This brings me to the reason I am writing. I found out 3 days ago that the family is probably going to screw me over…. I am supposed to go on vacation in the beginning of June, which is supposed to be paid. Well, I was looking on care.com, and I saw that the family posted looking for a summer nanny… To start the week I leave for vacation.. Under another name… They blocked me from being able to view it, but the mobile app screwed up and allowed me to see it.
I was devastated when I saw it… I was at work, and I felt so betrayed.. I work my butt off for this family. I play with the kids, keep the house running and clean, and am starting to get attached to the children. That afternoon I sat down with the mom and asked them if there were any issues, or anything that I could improve on with my work… The mom assured me that they were really happy with me and loved how attentive I am with the kids. When I began the job, the parents told me that they are big on communication, and that they want me to feel free to talk to them about any issues, and vice versa… Meanwhile, she was standing there lying to my face. It felt like my heart was wrenching. I have never worked for a family that hasn’t loved me. I thought this was going to be my last family. That I would work for them until the kids didn’t need a nanny. Now, I am pretty sure that they are planning hiring someone the week I leave, then telling me the week I take off that I’m fired and not paying me for that vacation week.
We have a contract that says they must tell me 3 weeks ahead that I’m being fired, unless there is cause. However, we haven’t gotten to signing it yet because I just changed to salaried and we had to redue the contract. They are both lawyers, and I just don’t know what to do now.

I started applying to jobs, but I hate the job interview process. I hate going through tons of families that are not the fit, and getting discouraged after interview after interview doesn’t work out. I am so disappointed and sad. Every time I go to work and look at the moms face, all I can think about it that they are planning on screwing me over, and that even though they seem really nice, they are actually planning on being horrible to me. What should I do? What can I do? Please help.


From a Regular - Good Nanny Has Fun Sometimes And Can Use Tips On Hangover Prevention

Went to watch some games at a local bar with my boyfriend tonight. I drank more than I normally do when I have to work the next day. Any tips for a hangover when you are a nanny? I won't be drunk and probably no hangover, I normally don't get them. But I would to hear what you have to say !!!



I've worked for my current family for 9 months. I have 10 years of experience and glowing references. They have a 3 year old and now a 1 year old. At first they were very receptive to conversations and any question or issue I had. As time has passed they were less and less interested. I asked for my 6 month review and sort of got one ( they both emailed me on a thread). I negotiated a raise ( not that much) and brought up for the 2nd time the 3 yo's behavior ( mean,calls me bad names,says they're going to "tell on me" when I am enforcing a rule they don't like). Mom and Dad always profess to want to work on it but have yet to set boundaries. It's incredibly confusing to them and makes sense why they act out constantly. I spoke to them 3x in 4 months about the behavior. The word "no" is rarely enforced and when it is both parents have lost their cool. Long story short,I found another job and accepted it. I gave a month notice and the parents have both been extremely rude. The mom in particular has been incredibly passive aggressive and going to work makes me ill every day. She asked why and I told her I found a better fit somewhere else. I needed to work less (I currently work 50-60 hours a week with no OT.She is very unprofessional and rude to me daily. I'm imagining that I won't receive a reference from them.

How horrible am I to not work the last 2 days of my months notice? I feel awful but the idea of having to spend them RE-EXPLAINING and handling unprofessional attitudes makes me cry. Any input welcome !!!


Use of Discipline

I was kind of confronted on a previous post and if the editors will let me I want to address a different issue,other than my original one, brought up in the comments. I give treats and toys to kids, and plan activities also in a furniture store. Never was a nanny but had 3 younger siblings, minored in Child Development.

In my PP I mentioned that sometimes a mom or nanny will let one kid have the treat but not the other one " because they have been bad"

My policy is to say, " Well let me put this in Mommy's keeping, and she will decide when there is improvement and time for the treat"
I got jumped on here for that but I can say that it works every time. It reinforces the authority of the nanny or mom, it gives the child a "carrot" so to speak to meet expectations. Notice I am not using the word "good" as calling kids "bad" is atrocious in my view.

And now my RANT! Assuming the child does not have a medical condition barring treats, or a religious reason etc - and the other kids are allowed the give away- I don't like the parent/nanny using me as the bad guy with the kids. I do not like seeing them sad in my section as their siblings get something special and they do not. IMO the discipline should be something between you and them - a fave tv show or video game or going to bed early etc.

My job re: my boss is to make the kids smile, make them look forward to coming to the store and I don't want to be involved in making the kids feel bad. I don't want to take away any one's authority - but cannot adults compromise and work together? It's what we teach the kids.



My bosses just told me this morning that they are excepting their second child.. Happy Nanny wants to ask when is a good time to talk to them about raises, maternity leave, all that good stuff? Should I bring it up first? Thank you.

Favoritism ? Bad Nanny Sighting San Antonio

I work at a large furniture store with a big lunch area and my job is to hand out samples of fun things to eat. I regularly see a nanny with 4 charges - an older girl,younger girl,younger boy, and a baby. I have briefly spoken to them enough to know that the boy is her child and the rest are her nanny kids. I get uncomfortable because she treats the little girl unkindly IMO. On one occasion she let all the kids have a little treat except the girl because of something the girl had done- not eating everything, so I wrapped the treat up and said "I bet she will be good and can have it later". She lets her own child spend time receiving give aways while finding ways for this little girl to not receive anything. I try to immediately pay attention to the girl so she gets something, but the situation worries me as the little girl does have developmental things going on which are not being addressed. I could not file a complaint, I would lose my job so - any suggestions or insight would be helpful.