Wednesday

What did you get for Christmas?!

xmas_sweater
 As soon as you get your Nanny Bonus, make sure you send it for all to read! It is one of ISYN's most popular Features and the Reader's can't wait to see what everyone got for 2015... good or bad! Please follow the format below and e-mail it to: isynblog@gmail.com.

* Bonus this year (2015):
* Your weekly salary:
* Any supplementary gifts aside from the Bonus:
* Length of time you have worked for the Family:
* City, State and Country where you live:
* Additional comments:
  

FOR SUBMISSIONS AND SIGHTINGS:
* Physical description of nanny/caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying caregiver
* (Your identity will be respected and withheld)
 

Gift Giving Gesture

OPINION
So, I'm in a panic right now. I've been working for my current family since June. When it comes to the holidays, I always buy gifts for the kids that I care for. And in the past, I've bought gifts for the parents as well--just when it was a family that I'd been working for for quite a long time, or felt especially close to, and it was always a relatively generic couple's gift (a bag of coffee I know they like, a gift card to the movie theaters, etc.). So this year, I did my normal kid-shopping, and decided I wasn't quite to the point where I felt that I should buy my employers a gift as well.

Fast forward to yesterday. My sister is pregnant, and my charge is 5 months old. Mom Boss owns a rather expensive top-of-the-line baby doo-dad which is no longer in use, and was only used for a few months to begin with--it happens to be something that my sister will need when she has her baby. I know that Mom Boss had been wanting to get rid of various baby things that were no longer in use, including this particular item, but it had just been sitting for at least a month. I decided to offer to buy it off of her for my sister. She completely refused to allow me to pay for it, and just gave it to me. I've already instructed my sister to make her a "thank you" note of some sort, but now I feel like it would be nice if I could get a small Christmas gift as well, as a token of my appreciation.

So, my problem is...I have no idea what to get for my employers. They don't drink coffee or tea and very, very rarely drink wine--and I'd have no idea what kind of wine to get them anyway. I have no idea what restaurants they like, and I know that their eating habits are kind of, uhm...unique...so I'd have no idea where to even start with that. I thought about just getting a movie gift card, but there are no local theaters that sell gift cards in their area. There are really no local chain theaters in the first place. Plus, very rarely do I hear them speak of seeing or wanting to see movies, unless it's Mom Boss taking my older charge to see something. So. What do I do? Please help me! - Anonymous

Puzzling Question: Should I or Shouldn't I?

OPINION
I started a new part-time job (about 25h a week) after Thanksgiving and it will end in late January. I make $15 an hour and have been charging that much for the past 5 years. I haven't had a full-time job since 2008. Besides this part-time job, I work for other families a night or morning here and there, earning an extra $60-$200 a month. I take care of three children ages 6, 4 and a newborn.

I thought about giving them a small present but by watching them I noticed they play with the exact same toys every day and every new present they got over the past three weeks in the mail, they played with it as soon as they got it, then forgot all about it the following day. I feel as if I'd be throwing my money away by giving them a present they won't play with, or worse: I will find pieces of the toy (I was thinking a memory game or puzzle) scattered across their playroom, like the toys all over the place this morning. Will I look bad if I don't give them anything? My boss is oblivious to my personal life and lack of money but she did mention that she would have a gift for me. - Anonymous

Nanny Template

OPINION
Hi Nannies! My current family is moving out of the country come Feb 1st, they have given me their notice so I will be moving on as well. I have started looking/applying with other families and right now, I am in the process of writing up a Nanny Agreement. I have never written one up before or had to sign one until I was with my current family. I am using that Agreement as a template to write up a new one. I hear it is good to write these up so all your bases are covered, in writing, signed, etc. My question to you is... Is there anything I should most definitely add? Anything you think should most definitely be in there to protect me? Or maybe you have a great Nanny template already written up that I can borrow? I just want to make sure I do this the right way... Thank you so much for your help!! :) - Anonymous

X the 1099

OPINION
I just accepted a nanny position with a great family in North Carolina. The position pays $700.00 weekly for the care of 1 small child. The family has requested that I "take care of" my own taxes. I'm not sure how to do that. Am I an independent contractor? Help please! - Anonymous

Winter Wonderland

Message from ISYN reader: The PTO of the neighboring town of Newtown Ct are asking for people to make snowflakes. The children will be attending school in a different location in January and they want it to be like a winter wonderland when they walk in. Would any of you be willing to make some snowflakes and send them? The school needs them by January 13th so we are a little bit tight on time. Be creative... glitter, sequins, etc. How cool would it be if they opened a big box and hundreds of snowflakes came flying out? If any of you could help, it would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much to those of you who are willing to help! - Do you mind sharing that on ISYN?
__________________________________________________  
For those interested in participating, please ask for more details in this thread. Thank you!

Monday

Would Parents Approve of Babywearing?

OPINION
Is it okay for a nanny to "wear" her charge without first seeking permission from the parents? For all of the parents reading, how would you feel about your care giver wearing your child without consulting you first?

I was first introduced to babywearing while working with my previous family. MB owned a few different types of carriers and her little one LOVED being worn. It wasn't long before I began seeing all of the wonderful benefits and started investing in my own stash of beloved carriers.

Present day, I am employed with a family caring for a thirteen-month-old, and have been wearing him since he was seven months. The parents aren't necessarily "baby wearers", although they do own a Baby Bjorn, and until the little one outgrew it, they would wear him on occasion. I was told I was welcome to use the carrier as well, but it was never any kind of expectation. Since the Baby Bjorn is a "crotch dangler" (which is not only bad for any child's hip and spinal development, but really uncomfortable as well) I never wore him in it myself, but also never spoke up or questioned the parents judgement. It never really occurred to me to ask the parents beforehand if I could use my personal carriers instead though, since babywearing has been such a normal thing for me the past few years. I in no way have tried to keep it from the parents, and their older child has seen me wear the toddler many times.

A friend recently brought up the question, "How does your MB and DB feel about babywearing?", and it occurred to me that I have never really had a conversation with them. Again, not for any malicious reason on my part... it just honestly never occurred to me to ask. The family is really easy going, and overall give me free range to care for their children in whatever way I believe works best during the day. It is also important to point out, I am a very knowledgeable wearer, and would never put a child in a carrier I wasn't completely comfortable using.

Should I have some kind of conversation with the family in the near future just to ensure they are okay with me wearing their little one? Did I make a poor decision by choosing to wear my charge without permission? Or am I over-reacting and feeling unnecessarily guilty for not having some kind of conversation beforehand? - Anonymous

Atypical Tips

OPINION
Hello all, I have been a babysitter since I was 14 and a nanny since I was 21. I am 24 years old now and I have received quite a few "tips" along with my pay: 1) a bag of Victoria Secret bras and panties (the mom works in Victoria secret) 2) a burrito and a bottle of Tequila 3) a bag full of chocolate milk. I was wondering who else has received weird "tips"? - Anonymous

Family Trying not to Underpay for Overlap

OPINION
My wife is a nurse and I'm a restaurant manager, and we need to hire a nanny for our 4 year old daughter for 3 days a week one week and 4 days the next week, always alternating 3 then 4. We only need a nanny 7 to 8 hours a day for each of these days, for the hours my wife's schedule and my schedule overlap. The best I think we can afford is $10 an hour. We feel bad about such low pay, so we thought if we threw in a few benefits it might help. We are considering offering a $25 gas gift card weekly, meals provided while she's at work, an entertainment allowance for her to take our daughter on outings, a doctors visit (check up) paid in full once every 6 months, and a dental cleaning and check up paid in full once a year. Can we get a good quality nanny for this rate? We know it isn't the greatest pay, but it's the best we can offer. Thanks. - Anonymous

Wednesday

Throwing in the Towel

OPINION
I've been a nanny for a family of 2 middle school boys for almost a year now. From my perspective, everything has been going reasonably well. There was a small adjustment period for the kids in the beginning since the mother went back to work, but for the most part I felt like I had good communication with the kids and they trusted me. This job is only part time and even though I make an average hourly wage doing this, per month I don't make enough on this job alone to live in this expensive city. So I work another job in addition to it which means, yes, I DO have a life beyond being a nanny, and I do have other daily responsibilities.

The other day, the mother of the children walked in the house and immediately pulled me into another room to "talk". She didn't give me any specifics, she just said that she needs me to put my full focus on the children while I am with them. She said that children can pick up when someone is distracted or preoccupied with something else and that makes them feel as if they aren't worth the attention. I'm not exactly sure where this was coming from, but I'm guessing that her children told her something that led her to this conversation with me. She was extremely vague in her words and I'm really not sure what she's referring to, or how she would even know considering that she works full time and doesn't see me interacting with them most of the time. It was a pretty embarrassing conversation because I take great pride in what I do, I work my ass off with those kids (and they are NOT easy to handle!) and I almost feel betrayed, as if the kids don't like me and they're feeding their parents false information about me.

I can admit that I might glance at my phone a little too often during my time with them for work-related things. But to ask me not to seem distracted around the kids - how do I even do that? I'm human. I work 2 jobs and I have a lot of things going on in my life. I'm not a couch potato nanny - I play games with them, I have interesting conversations with them. The only time I'm not 100% engaged with them is when they're studying and need quiet time. If I come off as distracted or preoccupied, then unfortunately that's just my personality that they're looking at, and they need to find another nanny that will please them.

I'm not sure how to approach this situation. I'm tempted to just quit - I'm so discouraged at the negative feedback after I've tried SO hard and honestly thought I was doing a great job. At times, I really wish they would put up a hidden camera so they could see just how hard I work with them, and how patient and loving I am. I want to throw in the towel. This doesn't feel worth it anymore and if the mother isn't happy with my performance now, she never will be. Thoughts? - Anonymous

Tuesday

Core Values

OPINION
I have been employed as a professional child care provider for over four years, and have worked with two different families as a Full-Time Live-Out Nanny. With my first family, I cared for two adorable children, ages three months and two years at the time of my hire. MB was a single parent, and I quickly found our philosophies in child rearing and personalities in general to be very similar. The children wore cloth diapers as opposed to disposables, both MB and I practiced baby wearing frequently, and we both agreed with attachment parenting practices. I fell in love with this family, and was so sad when MB was transferred to another area for work. I was invited to live with them in the new home, but declined due to my own continuing education obligations, and wanting to stay near my own family.

Fortunately, MB was able to introduce me to a friend in need of child care, and I was able to start the new position almost immediately after their move, and this is the family I am currently employed with (children's ages are twelve, five, and one year). However, after working with the "new" family for about six months, I am finding that I just don't "click" with any of them. The family raves about how much they love having me, and compensate me VERY well. Often I feel like the only reason I stay with the family is for the high salary. The family pays me $400.00 per week (which may not sound like much to some nannies, but is a big deal in my small city), and I am paid for ALL time off (including sick days, holidays, vacations, and anything else that may arise for either the family or myself).

Unfortunately, in my area, it seems to be difficult to find a family that realizes I am a professional care giver, and not just a babysitter. Therefore, it can be tough to find a family that both values my work, and compensates me fairly. And even though I don't "click" with their personalities and parenting styles, my current family DOES value me, compensates me well, and shows me a ton of kindness.

Ideally, I would love to be employed for a family with a young infant (newborn - six months), and possibly a toddler (one year - three years), similar to the ages of my first charges. I would like for the family to be at least a little familiar with attachment parenting and baby wearing, and hopefully already practicing it themselves. It is also very important to me that the family value my experiences and expertise, and compensate me appropriately.

My question is, have any other nannies experienced a similar situation, feeling unhappy in the job, but fearful of leaving because the compensation is so good? Also, how would I go about finding another position with a family that more closely values the same things I do, AND is willing to compensate we as well as my current family does? Sometimes it feels like parents in my area want the best care giver available, but aren't willing to pay much more than $150.00 per week for that "amazing" person caring for their children. - Anonymous

Cross Town Bus, 79th and 1st ave - NY

SHUTTHEHELLUP-1
* Nanny wearing a black puffer coat and a knit hat w/ an appliqué (I think an owl or bird).
* 7-12 month old boy in a baby bjorn type carrier, baby had a grey snow suit type jumper and a blue and white striped hat w/ a red P on it.
* Cross town bus 79th and 1st Ave.
* Monday, December 10th, around 9:30am.
* Disgruntled nanny on the phone speaking loudly about how she is treated like a slave, is overwhelmed, works 14 hour days and was pissed off over the fact that her employer called her on her 1 day off. There was mention of 3 kids, the fact that she can't do it anymore, her asthma is acting up and "they" need to get more help. Sounded like she was referring more to the father but did mention the name "Martha" as well. The nanny was not harming the baby at all, she nuzzled him a couple times and he seemed happy (and adorable) but it was clear that she was unhappy and could care less about airing it for all to hear on the bus. It was very uncomfortable and inappropriate. I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble but this nanny is clearly unhappy and overwhelmed (maybe rightfully so). Hopefully this gets to the right person and the issues between nanny and family get resolved.
________________________________________________
Please be respectful... all negative comments directed toward the OP will be deleted.

Monday

Nannies and Parents!

PARTICIPATE IN THE 2012 XMAS BONUS SURVEY Photobucket
FOR SUBMISSIONS AND SIGHTINGS:
email isawyournanny@aol.com
* Leave an ANONYMOUS comment on this post
* Leave an ANONYMOUS comment here
* (Your identity will be respected and withheld)

FOR SIGHTINGS, PLEASE INCLUDE THESE DETAILS:
* Physical description of nanny/caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying caregiver

TO TAKE PART IN THE 2012 SURVEY, PLEASE INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING:
* Bonus this year (2012):
* Your weekly salary:
* Any supplementary gifts aside from the Bonus:
* Length of time you have worked for the Family:
* City, State and Country where you live:
* Additional comments:


To read ISYN Bonus Surveys from previous years, click below:
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part I December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part II December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part I December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part II December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part I December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part II December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part I December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part II December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part I December 2010
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part II December 2010
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2011 - Part I December 2011
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2011 - Part II December 2011 ________________________________________________  
Please be respectful of one another... rude comments will be deleted. Thank you.

Walgreens in New Canaan, CT

BADNANNYSIGHTING
I saw a middle aged, Asian Nanny driving a red Jaguar station wagon (tan interior) with a U Michigan license plate frame - can you believe I didn't think to get the plate?!!! She was at the Walgreens in New Canaan at 2:15 today, Monday December 10, 2012, and left your baby and toddler in the car while she ran into the store. When I realized the children were alone, I stood by the car until your nanny came out. She immediately started yelling at me that "She didn't want to come down, don't you understand? I just run into store to get something, She didn't want to come down, OK?" When I responded "no, it's not ok", and an assortment of other things like " you cannot leave babies in the car by themselves, ever"  your nanny suddenly decided she was unable to speak English. I've reported it to the New Canaan police department.
_______________________________________________ Please be respectful... all negative comments directed toward the OP will be deleted.
HEROOFTHEDAY
This is a slice of what I do. Everyday is different. That is why I enjoy being a nanny. My job is never boring.

7:11 I kiss my boyfriend and head to work flipping stations. I pause long enough to sing along with "I'm a believer," by SmashMouth and "You are Holy," by Michael W. Smith.

8:04 I arrive late as usual cursing myself in my head to get my tardiness under control. I am greeted by a happy five year old. I unload dishwasher and praise myself for getting the top unloaded.

8:19 MB leaves to drop off the two older children at school while two year old Obadiah* blows kisses and waves calling "Dwive safe!" though the front dining room window.

8:28 As I slice cucumbers, strawberries, and apples, Obbie* does his new trick on his blue rocking horse. "Wook! Wook at me!" he calls as he stands on the back of the horse and rocks at gravity defying angles. I give him a thumbs up not choosing this battle because he is only four inches off the ground.

8:39 We read four books. Two of them matched our Holiday theme. One matched our letter M theme, and the last was a classic "Three Little Pigs."

9:02 I ask Obbie* if he needs to potty before we go out. He says, "no." I encourage him to at least try.

9:16 I strap Obbie* in his car seat reminding him to pull the top restraint up to his nipples. "Why?" he asks. "Where is my complete sentence?" I ask patiently. "Why I need to my nippows?" he asks. I inform him he needs to be strapped in safe. We listen to Laurie Berkner on Pandora before arriving at the mall.

9:49 I unstrap Obbie* and grab our Star Wars lunch box holding hands as we walk into the mall. Obbie* goes straight to the train table as I gently remind him him "In ten minutes, we will go to listen to a story."

9:56 The intercom reminds us story time will start in five minutes. I remind Obbie* and ask him how many five is. He holds up two hands. "Nope, try again," I encourage. He holds up one hand, and I smile and nod.

10:04 Obbie* finds a green chair up front while I sit on a wood bench off to the side six feet away where we still see each other, but I am not taking a seat away from another child.

10:31 After two books and some coloring, we return to the train table. When he starts to wander and look disinterested, I suggest we go downstairs to the Play Place. His eyes glaze over, and I remind him to use his words."One more minute?" he asks holding up two fingers. I smile and nod.

10:51 We skip to our Lou through the middle of the mall to the play place. Some laugh; some smile. I don't care. I am 28, and the children keep me young.

11:43 We potty and wash hands before lunch. I order chicken and fries while unpacking the Star Wars lunch box. Obbie* asks for his apple juice, but I tell him to eat a few bites of actual food before I can give him his cup. He finishes all of his strawberries and pokes holes in his cucumber slices. I offer him some chicken bites and he gladly gobbles them in one bite each.

12:18 We walk hand in hand to my car. Obbie* asks if a black Toyota is mine. I say, "No, but it does look like my green Honda doesn't it?" I hand Obbie* an ABC book as I drive back to his home. He comments as I drive. "Is dis a Q?" "I found T! I found dah letter T!" "Dat a wed wight, Manna." "Thank you for reminding me," I respond reminding myself not to skirt through yellow lights.

12:46 I arrive at his home, unlock the door and remind Obbie* to potty and find a diaper for nap. He sings, "Life is a Highway," from his favorite movie.

12:59 We both climb into a twin sized bed and cuddle listening to Deepak Chopra on Pandora.

1:21 I ask if Obbie* if he is asleep. He nods gently with his eyes closed. If he smiled huge and squinted his eyes, that means he is not really sleep yet. Even though he is unconscious, I tell him I will go downstairs to do dishes in ten minutes.

1:32 Obbie* is good and asleep. I kiss his forehead, and walk downstairs to finish unloading the dishwasher. Then, I load it as I listen to "Braking Dawn" by Stephanie Meyer.

2:26 I pause my book to take out the trash and recycling. I press resume as I take down eight pieces of artwork hung and displayed over the last month. I label each piece with the month, year, child's name, and child's age. Then, I place each piece in a save box for MB.

3:29 I rub Obbie's* back telling him it is time to awake. He scowls at me red faced blond hair a sweaty mess and shoves his arms high in the air. "Words?" I ask. "Cawy me, pwease," he huffs.

3:41 After a snack of peanut butter and wheat crackers, DB arrives with the nine year old and five year old from school. I argue with the nine year old about his homework before threatening to take away his Lego privileges.

3:57 I practice math facts with the nine year old. Then, I tell DB about Obbie's* day before leaving.

4:04 I start "Braking Dawn" again as I pull away from the curb and drive home.

4:56 I exit my car, make a couple calls and organize supper plans.

*Obadiah is a name change.

Thank you for reading, "Nannytastic"
What's your Nanny Day Like? Email isynblog@gmail.com

Know-it-all Nannies

OPINION
How do you handle the know it all and holier than thou nannies that are convinced they know everything there is to know about being a nanny, and that their way of doing things is the right way. I've been a nanny for 5 years, and with my current family for just over a year. At first I thought it was because I was new to the group, but as I said it's how these nannies are hyper critical of everyone around them and there is so much cattiness. One girl out of the entire lot I've met is that great, unfortunately our schedules don't overlap often so I can't spend much time with her. - Anonymous

Pros and Cons of CIO

OPINION
My employers want me to sleep train their 5 month old using CIO. I think this method is incredibly cruel and studies have shown brain damage and its possible link to mental health disorders later in life, and causes issues with trust. How do I educate them of the dangers? - Anonymous

Sneaky Send-Off

OPINION
Back in August I accepted a non typical nanny position where I worked anywhere from 24-100 hours at a time just me and my two charges who are both toddlers. You think that sounds rough? I once worked for a family for a year straight (live in) 7 days a week minus one weekend a month off. Anyway I'm going to get straight to the point... I cared for them solely for days at a time for about 3 months and everything was going great. The children were well cared for and I made myself very available to the parents who needed extreme flexibility. Everything was going great and then I opened an email from the website they hired me at (I still get job posts for the area and nannies are not at all in demand here so I was curious) low and behold it was the same ad they hired me with. I was so shocked and confused. They never once came to me with any concerns or treated me anything but kindly.

Long story short, I lucked out and found a new position to interview for the same day and got the job. Which I look at as things meaning to happen because really, like I said, there is no demand out here. I didn't quit on the spot with the family I work for now (as of this week) and the new family didn't need me to start for a few weeks at the time, so that gave my old employers time to keep looking and I did notice they closed the ad right before I quit (via professional email) so I don't feel bad about it. My question: is there something I am not thinking of that would cause them to try to and find a replacement so sneakily? There was literally no issues addressed ever. And they seemed very grateful. The mom did seem like she was very unhappy with her job though and would text me sad things about how hard her job was (traveling). But why a new nanny? Things are going amazing with the new family and it feels right but I am still so curious. Please don't just say ask them! - Anonymous

Spurning the Nanny Raises Questions

OPINION
I am the mom of a 26-month-old boy. We employ a part-time nanny for 3.5 days a week that we have been very happy with, and our son is also taken care of by his grandparents 1.5 days/week. Our nanny is generally punctual, pleasant to be around, and seems to enjoy spending time with my son. She is not afraid to report when he has had a bad day or when things do not go well, and he is clean and usually seems to be enjoying himself when we come home. I also think she is happy with the working arrangement.

In the mornings my son is often a little upset when she arrives and wants to nurse before I leave. He then is content to sit down with the nanny and read a book while I grab my things and leave (my husband has typically left at this point). When his grandparents come over, he is very excited to see them and waves me out the door. This morning before the nanny arrived, we were talking about his grandparents and then I reminded him, "Today, Nanny X is coming to take care of you." At which point my son said very clearly, "I don't like Nanny X." We were running a bit late this morning and the nanny was due to arrive any minute so I did not push him for any additional details, as I didn't really want to be discussing this right when she arrived, but of course I found this concerning.

I will try to get more information from my son, but I am curious as to how to approach the situation. He has not dramatically changed his behavior at separation or anything like that so I don't have any evidence or strong suspicion that something in particular occurred which upset him. I had felt very positively about the nanny and am not sure that this is really cause for ending our relationship, but of course I would very much prefer my son to feel positively towards his caregiver. However, I also worry that any caregiver is going to come up on the short end of the stick in comparison with grandparents that are positively enthralled with their grandchild, and spend extensive amounts of time planning activities and outings. I also wonder how to make sure of his feelings without repeatedly asking him if he likes the nanny, which seems like it might be setting him up to say no. He has fairly good language skills for a 26-month-old but communication about feelings is a bit beyond him! I am interested in any thoughts about how to approach this situation. - A Concerned Mom

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

OPINION
What is a good going away gift from nanny to bosses and nanny to children? I have been with my family for 3 years since little one was 3 months old. I will be starting a graduate program in January and the family will be moving cross country. Do you think a photo book is an appropriate gift for the parents? I have tons of pictures from our time together, some they don't have and was thinking to put one together. If I go with a photo book should I use Shutterfly or Snapfish? What is a great and thoughtful gift for a 3 year old that has basically everything? I want something she can use now but have in the future. Thank you in advance. - Anonymous

Casual Survey

OPINION
I enjoy reading this blog and get good advice. There seems to be a ton of knowledgeable nannies here. I've noticed the last few weeks posts with specific ideas on how children should be raised and it got me thinking. So here is my informal survey:

Nannies, are you a parent? If Yes: How many kids do you have? Are your children raised? If you were a nanny before becoming a parent do you think your experience as a nanny has helped you in some ways as a parent? Do you think you are a better nanny now that you are a parent? Do you find it easier to find work now because you are a parent? Do you find parents that employ you respect you more because you are a parent?

If No: Do you feel the parents you work for would respect you more if you had children? Do you feel they find it strange someone without children wants to care for children? Do you find it hard finding work because of your non parent status? Do you plan on having children? If you have children do you think your experience as a nanny will help you be a better parent? For parent and non parent nannies do you think parenting and nannying compare?

For the parent posters: Would you prefer a nanny who is also a parent? Why? Would you feel threatened by a nanny that was also a parent? Do you value the childcare opinions of nannies with children over nannies without? Do you feel nannies without children "don't get it" and are far too judgmental of parents? Thanks everybody. - Anonymous

Awkward Invitation

OPINION
I have worked for my current family for 2 almost 3 years, since the boy I care for was a newborn. My MB recently invited me to attend the birth of their second child in February, which is to be a homebirth. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about being invited to the birth. I am also a little surprised. We get on very well and couldn't ask for a better fit, but I still don't think with something this personal, a nanny should be invited to. I am also not comfortable with homebirth. Have any of you ever received an invitation like this? How would you decline? What is your opinion on homebirth? - Anonymous

When the Bough Breaks

OPINION
How can I get a baby to sleep. She doesn't like to be walked, held, swaddled, rocked, put in her swing etc. Crying it out doesn't work as she will just scream for hours . I've tried putting her to sleep at a set time. I've tried putting her down at the first sign of sleepy, I've tried waiting till she is exhausted. Nothing. She forces herself awake. No health problems. - Anonymous

Fair Fee

OPINION
I work 5 days a week as a nanny to a 6 year old child. My job includes cleaning (very messy every day). Shopping for food. Shopping for child's clothes and shoes. Teaching basic reading and math, writing etc. I organize play dates that include 7 kids with their nanny's and parents. We go out of town which takes a lot of planning. I cook child's food. Give child a bath. Brush teeth, etc. I play actively with child. This child has only one parent. I want to know what is a fair weekly rate for these services. Thank you. - New Nanny in NYC

Thursday

Tragic Outcome for Missing Iowa Cousins

IN THE NEWS 
Evansdale, Iowa   
Hunters reportedly find bodies of missing Iowa cousins
Hunters found two bodies Wednesday believed to be those of young Iowa cousins who vanished five months ago while riding their bikes near a lake, authorities said.

The families of 11-year-old Lyric Cook and 9-year-old Elizabeth Collins have been notified of the discovery, said Capt. Rick Abben of the Black Hawk County Sheriff's Office. Abben wouldn't say where the bodies were found.

Appearing to fight back tears as he broke the news in Evansdale, near where the girls disappeared in July, Abben said: "It's definitely not the outcome that we wanted, obviously. "This is a difficult thing for us to go through. It's a difficult thing for the community," he added, recalling how officers had worked around the clock looking for the girls.

The girls' families have asked the media to respect their privacy, and they offered no immediate comment.

The bodies are being sent to the state medical examiner's office to confirm their identities, and the area where they were found around 12:45 p.m. is still being searched, Abben said.

The girls disappeared the afternoon of July 13 while riding bikes in Evansdale, about 110 miles northeast of Des Moines, near a popular recreational lake in the middle of town. Investigators found their bikes and a pink purse near the lake hours later, but no sign of the girls. Hundreds of volunteers canvassed the area in the following days, traipsing through cornfields and wooded areas. The mayor even flew above in his private plane looking for them. Abben said additional details would be released at a news briefing Thursday.
_____________________________________________ 
Special thanks to Dr. Juris and slb3334.

Educating Adults

PERSPECTIVE
Something happened at work the other day that distressed me. I work with 2 girls, F, age 8, and L, age 4. Their grandfather came to visit over the weekend, and when I arrived Monday morning, DB was just leaving to drive Grandpa to the airport. As DB was leaving, he said, "Come on girls, give Grandpa a kiss goodbye." F, the 8 yr old, shuffled up to Grandpa, gave him a peck, and backed away. She looked really uncomfortable. L, the 4 yr old, refused to give Grandpa a kiss. She looked totally freaked. The dad grabbed her arm, and said,"You are making Grandpa sad. You don't want to make him sad, do you? Go give him a kiss." L started to cry, DB got mad, and he and Grandpa left.

Now, I realize in the past, we were all expected to hug or kiss our relatives. But in this day of child molesters and teens being pressured into sex, this is no longer appropriate. This scene looked to me like a father forcing his daughters to perform a physical act of affection that they were clearly uncomfortable with. I really feel that this is not ok. If you tell a 4 yr old to kiss someone to avoid hurting their feelings, this could mean a 14 yr old who gives in easily when a teenage boy pressures her to go too far. She might not want to hurt his feelings, right?? The 8 yr old was already giving in, kissing Grandpa just to avoid a negative reaction. We all know that when teenage boys want sex and can't have it, the reaction is almost always negative. How is she going to see that? Will she give in just to avoid a scene?

This got me thinking of all the times moms have told their kids to give me a hug goodbye. I always say to them, "you can have a hug if you want, but you don't have to." I would never want a child to hug me because it is expected, and I would absolutely hate to think they are forced into it. Are these relatives really ok with that? Do they really want a kiss from a child who was forced to do it? That seems sick.

I feel that this is really important to teach children to respect their own bodies, especially girls. We need to tell them that hugs and kisses, as well as other physical acts, need to ALWAYS be their decision and no one else's. Yes, perhaps some older relatives will be insulted, but sorry, the well-being of the children is way more important. Forcing a child to kiss someone against their will is doing irreparable damage to them. Yet this seems to still be happening all over the place. I even had a friend of mine say, "I make them kiss Aunt L because if they didn't, I would never hear the end of it from her!" So this mom is putting her own inability to deal with difficult relatives on her kids. She would rather damage their self esteem than listen to an aunt bitching? I was horrified.

I don't know if I can actually mention this to any parents, employers or otherwise. Is there any way to bring up this perspective without being insulting? If I worded it like this post, parents would think I am accusing them of child abuse, and I would most likely be out of the kids lives. I think that some parents aren't thinking of this in todays terms, they are just remembering when they were kids, this is how it was. Is there any way to educate them without insulting them? - Anonymous

Wednesday

Target - Mountain View California

BADNANNYSIGHTING
Hello, I was in Target today (Tue, Dec 4, 2012) in Mountain View California. A little girl named Hannah was screaming "Enrica!" at the top of her lungs over and over again, pacing and frantically looking for her adult, and crying. I approached her and asked her if she was lost. She was terrified and obviously didn’t know whether to trust me. She told me she was looking for her nanny Enrica. I told her, "Let’s go see if we can find her.”" but she was reluctant to walk with me because she was clearly trying to decide if I was a good stranger or a bad stranger (good for her!)

Instead of encouraging her to walk, I quickly surveyed all of the aisles I could and then I called out to a Target worker and asked him to come over. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of her because honestly, there were quite a few people around and I didn’t know if they could all be trusted to help rather than take advantage. I asked the Target worker if he could page her nanny because she was lost. We went together to the nearest courtesy phone, where we proceeded to give the information to the announcer to page her nanny. This whole time, she’s still shaking and crying and terrified. An elderly lady that was seeing all this kept saying, "Honey, you’re safe. We’re gonna find her.." because she was in such obvious emotional distress.

This whole event took approximately ten minutes. As we were paging the nanny, she appeared, without a care in the world, chatting with her shopping friend, smiling, clearly unaware that she had even lost her charge. And she was at least six aisles away from where Hannah was! Hannah ran to her and with a huge cry of relief hugged her legs. Enrica’s reaction? She rolled her eyes, and said, "You knew where I was. Stop crying.”" in an annoyed tone. No shock at the realization that Hannah had been lost. No concern or apologies or thank yous. Just an eye roll and scolding the girl. The elderly lady that had been with us was so fuming mad she wouldn’t leave. I started to walk away and then I came back. I said to the nanny, "Not even a thank you for the people that helped her while she was lost???" Nanny replied with, "She wasn’t lost.”"  I said, "If she wasn’t lost, how come she was screaming YOUR name at the top of her lungs and crying, and you didn’t hear her or see the crowd gathering around her??? How did we have time to look for you and page you? Just be grateful someone less trustworthy didn’t find her!"

She was clearly unaffected by my words so I walked away. But it’s killing me to think that this woman is getting paid to watch this child and has such a casual approach to her safety. Her mother needs to be informed! It is every mother’s worst nightmare to have a nanny like that. Please post this. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will forward it to Hannah’s mom. Thank you.
_______________________________________________  
Please be respectful... all negative comments directed toward the OP will be deleted.

Nocturnal Enuresis

OPINION
My charge is 5yo and she still wets the bed. We've tried many things to help her: no drinking 2 hours before bedtime, setting an alarm in the middle of the night, reward chart, etc. Unfortunately, I think MB is starting to get frustrated and I'm worried it could stress the little girl out even more.

I know what this feels like. I wet the bed until I was around 9yo, but only realized when I got older and into therapy, it was from being molested by a family member. However, I'm pretty sure that isn't what's going on here as I'm a live-in and know who this child comes into contact with. Her parents separated about a year ago, so it could be emotional. I just wish I knew what to do or say. I need to intervene before MB says something damaging to her personally. A comment she made to me the other day was incredibly upsetting. MB threatened to "hang her daughters pissy sheets out in the front yard", thinking it would embarrass her enough to stop. I had to walk away and cool off before saying something and losing my job.

I don't know if anyone can advise me, maybe I just need some words of encouragement. I feel so horrible for this sweet little girl. Help? - Anonymous

Heaping on the Housekeeping

OPINION
Hi MPP, my circle of nanny friends get together once a month for our "nanny's night out." During this time we often discuss issues that are affecting us at work, both the positive and the negative. This last nanny's night we were talking about frustrations that have arrived for almost all of us regarding housekeeping. Some of us do only LIGHT housekeeping, and some people, like myself, do house management in addition to the nanny work (think Alice of the Brady Bunch.)

The question that I am interested in asking the nannies and parents that read your blog, is where does light housekeeping become HEAVY? When does Housekeeping become personal maid service? What are the lines between these things for your readers, and what if anything, makes them blurry? I'm sure that your nannies have felt that those lines have been crossed at times, as have I, and the others in my "nanny night out" group. What happened, and did they address the issues or just get so fed up that they gave notice and left? Did they talk about it with their employers? If so, how did it go? Sorry for the rambling letter and the tons of questions - It was a heated discussion for all of us and left us all asking more questions than when we started. - Thank You, CleaverJune

Avocado Kitty

OPINION
Hi, I would like to get some advice about a couple of things that bother me. I have been working for this family for the last 5 months. They have a one year old baby girl. The mom works shifts so if she is working, I am working. Sometimes I work while dad is at the home office and sometimes he arrives from work right before I put the baby in her crib (around 7:30). I feed her around 6pm and we play for a while before going to bed. The dad brings take out food for his dinner around 90% of the time. He brings it upstairs to the baby's room and eats sitting down on the floor while they both play. Sometimes the kitty joins them and dad feeds both the kitty and the baby.

A few days ago we were playing, dad came with sushi and the kitty came to the room. Dad started to give avocado slices to the baby (she already had dinner at 6 and this was around 7:15). Dad showed the avocado to the kitty and told him, "what are you smelling? you know you do not like it!" and gave the avocado to the baby. He did this 3 or 4 times more. He showed the avocado to the kitty, told him it was not for him and fed the baby. I am not sure if I should tell him that he shouldn't do that. For me is obvious that he shouldn't play like that with the kitty's feelings. Btw, the kitty has a very short fuse and he gets angry very fast. And one more thing. Do you think that he should feed the baby again at 7:15 when she already had dinner at 6pm? It's not like he is eating at the kitchen table and the baby is sitting down with him. They are on the floor of her room eating! I think she should learn that dinner time is at the kitchen table at the same time everyday (more or less). Do you think is appropriate to have a 2nd dinner like that? I do not know if that will help the baby to have a bad relationship with food. Is she too young to create bad food relationships? Should I tell him something? Thank you very much all! - Pokenanny

Greener Pastures

OPINION
Hello, I'm looking for advice on leaving a family to work with another. I've been with my current family for about 15 months now. I originally thought that this would be a long term position as the kids are still little and everything seemed to be working out pretty well. I was never very close with the parents, mostly I think because we have very different personalities. But they are fair employers and I love the kids with all my heart.

Unfortunately, my feelings about this position changed a few weeks ago. There were a few instances where I felt like I was being taken advantage of and treated a bit disrespectfully. Nothing as horrible as some of the situations I've read on here but enough to leave me feeling slightly unhappy. I then approached them about a raise since I did not receive an annual raise or review. I was told that they felt the rate was already high enough and since my job hasn't changed much (their opinion, not so much mine) they would not be raising it anytime soon. Very coincidentally, a week later I was approached by another local family who were looking for a new f/t nanny. After talking, emailing and meeting in person, I have decided that this family will be a better fit for me. I feel more comfortable with the parents and they are willing to offer me benefits and raise my salary 15% from where it is now (for 1/2 the amount of children). I'm very eager to make the change because I feel I would be happier and more comfortable working for this family so I accepted the offer and will start in about a month.

My question is, how have you other nannies handled the situation of leaving one family for another? I want to be professional and gracious but the mother has a tendency to be bitter towards people, and not very empathetic. I don't want my last weeks to be awkward. Also, I think I will have to give my notice via e-mail as she is hardly ever at the house when I am. Most of our communication is through email or texts. Will this be ok? Also, I'm really hoping that she will allow me to continue to babysit/visit this kids occasionally... has this worked for any of you? Also, how much notice should I give? I want to give as much as possible as I know it can take awhile to find a replacement. But I'm nervous about her replacing me before I leave or just telling me not to come in my last weeks. Sorry for the very long, rambling post, I wasn't sure what would be relevant! ANY insight/thoughts from both nannies and parents would be appreciated! - Anonymous

Homeless Nanny Needs to Address a Share

OPINION
I started a job a month ago caring for an infant. Things are going well and the bosses are great. The baby is adorable. The problem is in a few more weeks I will no longer have a place to live. I was staying with a relative that let me live with them for an extremely low rent which was perfect for me while I paid off school bills from undergrad and started graduate prereqs. The hours I work for my new family leave me no time for a second job, and while the pay is fair it will not cover what I will need to pay in rent. Do you think I would be crossing the line to bring up the idea of a nanny share to them? I don't know what else to do that doesn't involve me quitting this job. - Anonymous

Sunday

Unwavering Whining

OPINION
Hello all, I am wondering if anyone can give me any fresh insight on how to deal with whining. I've worked with children for over 10 years so I know it's normal behaviour and I am aware that modelling appropriate ways to talk/ignoring it etc. are good ways to deal with it. I am just looking for some new ideas! My charge is 16 months old and for the past 2 weeks or so has been whining constantly. The typical screwed-up face with the fake cry has now become how he spends the majority of his time. He used to be so happy-go-lucky, his parents and I regularly went an entire day without hearing him cry! Now he constantly whines. Wipe his face, he whines (I'm not talking a typical little whine because he doesn't like it, I mean a full on melt-down that lasts a minute or two)...tickle him when he didn't want to be tickled, he cries for 5 mins...don't pay attention to him for literally 30 seconds, he comes running over whining!

Both his parents and myself are getting very fed up! Has anyone else experienced this with a child of his age? I think it started because when he was upset/whiney before, his mom would give him kisses and cuddles (because he was so very rarely whiney), but now it's escalated. I don't think it's related to a lack of communication (he's quite verbal), and while it is sometimes out of frustration (like when we wipe his face or put his coat on), mostly he just does it for attention. There have been no big changes like a move or a new baby. He just whines all day long! We have simply started ignoring him when he does it. Any words of wisdom/encouragement from anybody? - Canada Nanny

Friday

Symphony Space, Upper West Side 97th & Broadway - NY

BADNANNYSIGHTING
* Physical description of nanny/caregiver: African American, tall, large build.
* Physical description of involved child/children: about 12-15 month old, white, boy named Will.
* Address or venue of observed incident: Symphony Space, Upper West Side 97th and Broadway.
* Date and time of incident: 9:30 Music class.
* Description of what you witnessed: In class, a little girl was touching the boy's face as she did with other kids in the class. It was not hitting or was the boy crying. The nanny grabbed the little girl's hand and pointed in her face saying, "You don't do that!" The mother of the girl came and told the nanny that if she had something to say she should say it to her, not yell at her daughter. Keep in mind these children are only 1 year old. Then the mother took her daughter back to their spot (across the room from the nanny and boy). The nanny continued to shout over the music teacher saying the mother should teach her daughter better and no one will take advantage of the boy. Then the music teacher jumped in saying that she would not allow her to continue shouting across the room and to think about all the children listening. Nanny talked back to the teacher saying something along the line of "well, her daughter this and that...." Anyway, class ended and outside the classroom the nanny continued to bash the mother. This was inappropriate.
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying caregiver: blue stroller.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior is a No-Brainer

OPINION
Hello, I am writing because my family is considering firing our current nanny and I am looking for insight into the situation. As background information, our family has older children who the nanny does not have any responsibility for (due to after school activities and the time we need coverage, there is very little interaction between our caregiver and older children) and a 5 year old who our nanny watches 5 days a week from 3:00 PM - 5:30/6:00 PM. We do not need a nanny over the summer due to camps. I have employed 3 nannies for various lengths of time during my daughter's life and have had good working relationships with all of my caregivers. They all left on good terms for a variety of reasons (position went part-time, school obligations, etc.) and we stay in touch with all of them.

This spring, I hired a part-time teacher's aide for the hours and days described above. She was with us for a few months and took another job for the summer before resuming with us at the beginning of the school year. While she started off last spring very strong, ever since September things have seemed different with her. M is frequently in a bad mood, is less engaging with my child, and seems to be less satisfied with the position then when she started at the end of last school year. In early October, I sat her down to discuss my concerns after a month of things being "off" and she shared with me that over the summer she felt her job was easier and she was paid a higher hourly rate. I told her I understood her frustrations but that we were not in a position to make the job "easier" (over the summer, she got paid for full time work while her charges were in camp and had no household responsibilities; the hours she is with us, M is full charge with my daughter and she helps flip the laundry, tidy toys, etc.) as the job responsibilities had been negotiated in the spring and had not changed. Furthermore, we were not in a position to pay a higher hourly rate at this time (we pay her $16/hour for 15 hours a week; she frequently leaves earlier if we come home earlier and she is paid every week during the school year, even if we do not need her at all). I told her if she wanted to search for another job just to provide adequate notice and that we would not have any hard feelings.

Fast forward to last weekend (Thanksgiving weekend). My husband had a business dinner that took him out of town on Saturday night and he invited me to join him for the dinner and an overnight. I asked M if she would like to watch our daughter for the night (the teenagers were either with other parents or had sleepover plans), roughly 1 PM Saturday to 12:00 PM Sunday. I offered her $20 hourly for every hour plus an extra $100 overnight fee, considering that it was a holiday weekend and she accepted. She was given this date and made the commitment at the beginning of November. When my husband and I left Saturday, we left her with a clean house, petty cash, and use of our vehicle. I spoke to her Saturday evening and she assured me all was well and sounded happy, as did our little girl. When we arrived home on Sunday (approximately 11:45 AM) I was stunned to find the house absolutely trashed. Not I hosted a keg party trashed but sink full of dishes (they made cookies), toys strewn throughout the house, playroom wrecked, garbage overflowing. When I commented, M told me she and my daughter had done a lot of baking and arts and crafts and "housekeeping was not in her contract." I replied that while housekeeping was absolutely not in her contract, it was her responsibility to maintain order in the household and to clean up messes that occurred under her watch. She ended up leaving in a huff.

Based off of all of her recent behavior, I have reason to believe she is so unhappy in the job that she is behaving passive aggressively towards my husband and me, and I am concerned that could trickle down to our child. It seems like a no-brainer for me to let her go effective immediately (we were in a childcare pinch this week and needed coverage) by firing her tomorrow and offering her 2 weeks severance in lieu of notice. My husband thinks I'm over-reacting but I am genuinely concerned by her recent behavior and would rather deal with the hiring process over the holidays (ugh!) then jeopardize the safety of my child. Are there any moms/nannies who might have insight into the decision? Tomorrow is Friday and I keep going back and forth in my head. Help! - Anonymous

Coming Out

OPINION
Hi, I've been a part-time nanny for the last 6 years, and am now transitioning into my first full-time (live-out) position. I am gay, and I live with my girlfriend. I've just started, so I don't know the family very well, although we definitely clicked during the interview process, and the first two weeks have been great. Very little about my personal life has come up, though, so my new employers don't know about my orientation, and I know very little about their political/religious leanings. My first job came through a personal connection, and subsequent jobs were all by recommendation/word-of-mouth, so I've never been in a position like this before. If I had thought about it sooner, I probably would've just discussed it in the initial interview and moved on if the family reacted badly.

Since I've already been hired and started working, though, I'd love to hear what other nannies think is appropriate. Should I "come out" to MB/DB? Should I avoid all references to my girlfriend, etc? Should I just let that information come out naturally at some point and treat it like it's not a big deal? Personally, I think it shouldn't make a difference, but I know there are families who would definitely care. Is sexual orientation something an employer should reasonably expect to be informed about ahead of time? Are there any other gay nannies who can weigh in with their experience? Thanks! - Anonymous

Custody Battle

OPINION
Have any of you ever worked for a couple involved in a custody battle? How did you handle things with the kids? Parents? What did you do? How did you cope? - Anonymous

Date Night Dilemma

OPINION
How much would you charge monthly for a regularly scheduled date night? A family is interested in hiring me to take care of their infant twins one Saturday night a month it may not be the same Saturday night every month. It's basically so they can guarantee themselves a monthly date. They want to know what my monthly fee would be. How much would you charge? Do you think I should try and pin them down to a particular Saturday ? Like every 3rd Saturday? - Anonymous

Brand Decision

OPINION
Expecting mommy here... Can you nannies (or parents) suggest a cloth diaper brand? - Anonymous

Monday

The Wicked MB

RANT-1
Hello, this is my first time posting here. I am a 25 year old female. I have my full ECE (early childhood education) diploma, and I am registered with the college of ECE's. All of these are desirable assets in this field.

I had been working for a family for 2 years. They have 3 children: a 4 year old girl and twin 3 year old boys. All three of the children have severe speech delays and the twins have possible autism (not that mom will look into it). The family had been treating me horribly for a while now. They talk down to me all the time and about my profession in general, calling us babysitters, or helpers, saying not to leave the 4 year old with the ECE in her class alone. They also expected me to drive the boys 4 times a week for free. And refused to buy the boys the things they needed, I had to buy them winter hats this year because mom refused. They spoil the 4 year old girl and leave the poor boys without.

For example, the 4 year old got spoiled rotten at her birthday with all kinds of toys, games, and clothes, and the boys got nothing for their birthday. I had to make them their birthday cake. The mom has taken the 4 year old to build a bear *11* times, and the boys have never gone. She went and got the 4 year old brand new winter boots, mitts and hat, and said the boys could use their old (too small) boots from last year and could go without hats until Christmas. (We live in Canada, it's already -10 some days) she also ignores any advice or comments I make regarding her children. She refuses to get the boys help for their speech issues and they can say less then 10 words consistently. The 4 year old has lots of speech but even mom can't understand her. So mom went and paid for private speech for the four year old because the "real" teacher said so, but completely ignores my concerns about the boys:(

On top of all this, for the first year I worked there they paid me only minimum wage, and after I quit for about a month they offered me .50 more. (The only reason I said yes is because the daycare job I had was even worse!) so I went back and all of these things started happening. I recently asked for a 1.00 raise since it had been a year since I came back. They deliberated for over a month and then came back saying they would give it to me but would have to fire the maid (trying to make me feel bad) and so I would have to do her jobs, too. That was my last straw, and I did the wrong thing, I quit without notice. I feel bad, but she refused to give me a reference anyways, even for volunteer work. So now I'm worried I won't be able to get another job.... - Anonymous

No Pay for Travel Day

OPINION
Hi, I'm on my last night in Cancun with a family that my friend babysits for. I'm a grown woman and an experienced nanny who has 3 month old twin charges that I care for 40 hours a week back in Chicago. We were hired to take care of three young children each. I spoke to the grandmother of the family about my expectations early on in July. I asked the family to outline some kind of itinerary and let us know a day in advance of what the schedule would be.

What developed was that we would be up with the families and go to breakfast at random times. Sometimes we went with them at 7 or 8. Then we were by the pool or beach with them until 1 or 2 and then asked to come back at 5, 6 or 7 every night until anywhere between 10-1. We had one evening off and that was Thanksgiving. We got to order room service, while we were watching the kids and were included in some good meals, we didn't really have time to ourselves. The siesta during the day, while it was a chunk of hours, we usually used it to shower and nap from the exhaustion of running after all the little kids or holding and feeding the baby.

In the end, we got paid for seven days and are not being paid for the 12 hour travel day on the last day. The family is not traveling with us on that day because, as they informed us, buying direct tickets for us to travel back with them would cost and extra $400 a piece. We were paid $150 a day. I feel that this is unfair. I thought that this would happen, though. As the week unfolded, it was obvious that the family my friend has been babysitting for 6 years was pushing back on her. The mother was getting passive-aggressive and so was the father. My friend is hurt because she has been loyal and devoted to this family for years and when she asked to be paid for the travel day, she was told that he doesn't get paid for travel in his consulting job. Apples and oranges, I think. But, what do you all think? - Kate

The Perfect Gift

OPINION
I need 1st birthday ideas for a little boy. I have never gone to a baby's birthday party before. I am the youngest in my family, my friends and I are all young and don't have kids, and I am a new nanny and this is my first invite to a party. What would make a good gift? I want to give something nice, but not over step my bounds as a nanny. - Anonymous

Friday

Black Friday

xmas2012pic
It's almost that time of year again for everyone's favorite Feature: The Nanny Holiday Bonus Survey! I will include the links below to past Survey's to get you in the mood... let's make this year the best ever!  

FOR SUBMISSIONS AND SIGHTINGS:
email isawyournanny@aol.com
* Leave an ANONYMOUS comment on this post
* Leave an ANONYMOUS comment here
* (Your identity will be respected and withheld)

FOR SIGHTINGS, PLEASE INCLUDE THESE DETAILS:
* Physical description of nanny/caregiver
* Physical description of involved child/children
* Address or venue of observed incident
* Date and time of incident
* Description of what you witnessed
* Description of vehicle, bag, or stroller that may aid in identifying caregiver

TO TAKE PART IN THE 2012 SURVEY, PLEASE INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING:
* Bonus this year (2012):
* Your weekly salary:
* Any supplementary gifts aside from the Bonus:
* Length of time you have worked for the Family:
* City, State and Country where you live:
* Additional comments:


To read ISYN Bonus Surveys from previous years, click below:
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part I December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2006 - Part II December 2006
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part I December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2007 - Part II December 2007
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part I December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2008 - Part II December 2008
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part I December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2009 - Part II December 2009
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part I December 2010
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2010 - Part II December 2010
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2011 - Part I December 2011
Holiday Bonus Feature, 2011 - Part II December 2011

My 6 Weeks in Hell House

INTHENEWS 
New York - This was one brutal baby-sitting job, according to a new lawsuit. A live-in nanny who watched over the daughter of a Park Avenue socialite and a celebrity surgeon claims she was scalded with boiling water, plied with drugs to increase her productivity, forced to wear sexy outfits, and pushed to attend Kabbalah classes and date her boss’ friends. Andrea Duncan, 31, says she was turned into a "virtual slave" in the $8 million Carnegie Hill apartment, all for $250 a week, plus room and board, according to a lawsuit filed Friday by her high-profile attorney Rosemary Arnold.

Working for these people was awful, Duncan said. They treated me worse than Cinderella. Duncan claims that Suzanne O’Leary, her 20-something ward, flew into an unprovoked, screaming rage in August and tossed a pot of boiling water at her, burning her abdomen, according to court papers. But socialite mom Susan O’Leary forbade the nanny from seeking medical treatment, the suit alleges. Instead she offered this advice: "Take more Adderall, drink wine and apply aloe." Susan O’Leary threatened to fire her if she didn’t keep her mouth shut about the injuries, the suit alleges. The untreated burn permanently disfigured Duncan, the Manhattan Supreme Court lawsuit says.

Suzanne O’Leary had been hospitalized for "severe emotional disorders" and had just been released from inpatient treatment when Duncan was hired, the lawsuit alleges. But Susan O’Leary never told [Duncan] that, Arnold said.

Susan O’Leary ordered the nanny to go on dates with her personal trainer and broker and to be "nice and accommodating to them" or be fired, according to the suit.

After Susan O’Leary fired her cleaning lady, she insisted Duncan pick up the slack with no extra pay for tidying the 12-room apartment, the suit says. And when O’Leary hosted cocktail parties, she wanted Duncan scantily clad in a short white shirt and black tights. She also wanted Duncan to attend Kabbalah classes with her, but the nanny, a practicing Buddhist, said no.

O’Leary eventually did fire Duncan after six weeks, and the stated reason was Duncan "exposing" herself outside the apartment, according to Arnold. But Duncan, who has since returned to Ohio, was simply wearing a loose dress so that her stomach burns did not become irritated by the fabric, the lawyer said.
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Special Thanks to Ericsmom for this Submission. If you have a Nanny Horror Story you would like to share please send it in!

Hero Dog Saves Baby from Kidnapping

HERO OF THE DAY
Indianapolis - A kidnapping attempt was thwarted in Indianapolis on Tuesday when a family's dog stopped an armed would-be kidnapper from leaving the family's home. Police say a man and a woman broke into the home of Nayeli Garzon-Jimenez through the back door while her husband was at work. Garzon-Jimenez was on the phone with her husband, Adolfo Angeles-Morales, at the time of the break-in.

"She started screaming and crying, and said, 'Someone just stuck their hand in the door," Angeles-Morales told WISH-TV.

"The guy said, 'Give me the money or we take the baby.'" "The man said, 'Money, money,'" Garzon-Jimenez said. "I said, 'I don't have any.'"

The woman then grabbed her 3-month-old girl and attempted to flee through the back door. "But there was something else waiting for her at the back door," WISH-TV reported. "One of the doggies," a pit bull mix, "didn't let her go through the back door," Angeles-Morales explained. The woman turned around, "threw the baby back" at Garzon-Jimenez and the perpetrators fled the scene.

The mother, who was hit in the head with a gun during the melee, was treated for cuts and bruises at a local hospital, and was released. The baby was unharmed. Indianapolis police are now searching for the suspects: "a black man around 35 years old, 6-foot-2, heavy set with light skin, a close-cut beard and acne scars" and "a black woman in her mid-20s about 5-foot-10, heavy build with braided hair pulled back in a ponytail" and "two lip piercings and an eyebrow piercing." They were driving "a 2002-2007 chocolate-brown van with tinted windows and windows that extend down the passenger side." There might be a dent in the passenger-side door, police added.
baby-hero-dog
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Special Thanks to Jenya Alexandrovna for this Submission.

Thursday

Happy Thanksgiving - Little Girl Pictures, Images and Photos ___________________________________________________
I have many things to be thankful for... one of them being the support from ISYN readers. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday. Many blessings to you! ~ MPP

Negative Connection Needs Positive Outcome

OPINION
I have been with this family for about a year and have actually just renewed my contract. My charges are 3 and 14 months. I love MB and DB although I secretly don't agree with all of their philosophy on parenting (I know I can't be the only nanny who says that). I'm content with the schedule, the requirements, the pay and have an honest, trusting relationship with this family, including aunts, uncles and grandparents. I adore the 14 month old and she's so easy going.

So what's the deal? The 3 year old, my oh my! I don't know what it is and for the past 10 months I've exhausted myself trying to resolve this but I don't like him. I can't say it any more plainly than that. There is something about him and maybe we just don't click but everything about this child annoys the life out of me. Now I've worked with children for several years now, taught preschool and Sunday School. I think any professional in our field would be lying if they said they have never encountered a child they didn't care for or didn't click with. This is different. From how he plays with others, to how he speaks, his attitude, his lack of respect for others around him, his loud outbursts and his obsessive need to be the center of the universe. Even when he's not being loud or rude he never stops talking, it's all day. He just talks so someone, anyone, will listen. I have stopped taking them out a lot in public places because I'm embarrassed by his behavior. Sounds ridiculous but any type of method used to encourage a smooth outing does not work anymore.

He's a very cute and intelligent child but he is just off the wall. He's not physically aggressive with me but by lunchtime, I want to pull my hair out. Every. Last. Strand. Now before anyone thinks I'm an awful person who secretly hates children, let me clarify that I love children, all of them. In fact, when I taught preschool, the children who were the most challenging were usually the ones I held dear. I have talked with others in our field, I've read as much as I can, I've prayed about it.... and I can't change how I feel about this kid. There are moments, rare moments when I think I just adore him.... but then he does something so insane that I just forget the good. I continuously look for the good, praise him for the good. I've tried every tactic for changing and guiding his behavior (outbursts, Mr. Universe attitude, talking back) but nothing works. It does not help that his parents are extremely passive with discipline.

I have moments throughout the week where I don't even want to look at him and I drive home in tears sometimes feeling awful. Regardless of how frustrating my charge is, I am fair and I give hugs and praise and am attentive to him. I have never treated him badly. I don't know if this is just not a good connection or chemistry... Right now the only thing I have been doing that seems to work is to completely ignore the unwanted behavior. Every screech, outburst, disrespectful answer. It tries my patience but when I ignore the behavior, he's lost his audience to perform for. He's well aware of what he's doing. *Note: I am ignoring the bad behavior, not the child. I've tried talking to MB but everything to her seems to be a "phase" a "bad day" or he didn't sleep well, eat well the night before, family was over... there is always an illogical excuse for his repulsive behavior. It is also ten times worse when the parents are around. I honestly don't know how they do it by themselves. They treat his behavior as typical and I have had enough experience and have worked with enough children to know that it is not.

I love MB and DB but I'm at the point where I just say he's had a great day and leave it at that. There's no getting through or coming to an agreement on how to resolve the behavior. An easy way out would be to get another job. The thing is, I'm happy with everything else about this job and the family and in the meantime, it's paying my bills. So my question is, how do I deal? While I'm comfortable here, I am looking to get into the field that my degree dictates once I graduate. My plan is to stay until at least September(ish). How do get though the next 10 to 12 months without losing my sanity and how can I help this child? - Anonymous

The Tactical Nanny

OPINION
Hi, I have been a nanny for awhile now, on my 3rd family, plus have years of other experience with children of all ages including short term nannying (e.g. when the parents are away for a wedding/business trip/romantic getaway). In my current family, where I have been for 5 months now, as a live in, are 2 boys aged 9 and 7. The first 2 months were hard - the family had just moved to a foreign country and were still living temporarily while they waited for their house to be ready but after a month or so I felt like there was starting to be a bond between the kids and I. Things really improved when we moved into the house and everyone had a bit more space, the boys were settled in school and everything was more comfortable for everyone.

However, the last few weeks the 9 year old has been becoming steadily more disrespectful and downright rude towards me. He regularly criticizes my language skills in front of his native speaking friends (although I'm a certified speaker and 99% of native speakers don't even pick up that I'm not from here) and anything of mine he sees around the house - always little things when his mother is there, so she won't notice but as soon as she's gone it gets much worse. The last few days he won't even look me in the eyes and only speaks to me when his mother forces him to. There have not been any out of the ordinary incidents and I'm not sure what has brought on this behaviour but it's really taking its toll.

I've tried several different tactics - ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good, being nice, discussing his behaviour, time outs, removal of privileges, but nothing seems to work. I know his parents have spoken to him several times about it but that has also done nothing. I was thinking maybe he's hitting puberty and starting to think he's too old/cool for a nanny and I tried to be more like a friend from the start than another parent type figure, because that's what the mother said he'd respond to best but that didn't work either. I really am wondering if it's even worth keeping this job. I would love any kind of advice because I'm really at the end of my nerves with this. - Anonymous

Under the Table

OPINION
Hi :) I have a question for the nannies on your blog. Why are so many nannies willing to work "under the table" or off the books? Thanks! - Anonymous

Tuesday

Chase Park - Chicago, Illinois

BADNANNYSIGHTING
Where: I Saw Your Nanny at Chase Park - Chicago, Illinois.
When: Every Tuesday and Thursday during playgroup.
Your son: Jimmy, around age 3
Your nanny: Blonde, long hair, heavy set, wears a lot of plaid.
What happens: The nanny sits in the bleachers the entire time on her phone. She looks up once every 10 minutes or so. She has long, loud conversations lasting about 20 minutes. The rest of the time, she is texting/browsing the internet. Your son gets hurt quite a bit, and when she hears him, she just yells at him (that's how I know his name). He also hits other kids and takes their toys away. However, it's not his fault. If his nanny would correct him, he would be fine. When I see them on the playground, she is sitting on a bench using her phone and he is off somewhere, usually trying to escape the park. Other nannies/parents are always getting him to come back in while your nanny is completely oblivious.
Chase Park in Chicago, Il
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