Awkward Invitation

I have worked for my current family for 2 almost 3 years, since the boy I care for was a newborn. My MB recently invited me to attend the birth of their second child in February, which is to be a homebirth. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about being invited to the birth. I am also a little surprised. We get on very well and couldn't ask for a better fit, but I still don't think with something this personal, a nanny should be invited to. I am also not comfortable with homebirth. Have any of you ever received an invitation like this? How would you decline? What is your opinion on homebirth? - Anonymous


Dr. Juris said...

Instead of watching, I would volunteer to hang out with her child, lol. I've seen my mom give birth, and THAT IS NOTHING I'D LIKE TO REPEAT. :)

BrooklynMomma said...

I'm not a nanny, but last year I was invited to attend a friend's homebirth who I met via our playgroup. It was a very wonderful experience. Having said that, I've had two homebirths of my own, so my viewpoint on childbirth may be different than yours, OP. If you feel uncomfortable, simply decline. I doubt you would hurt anyone's feelings by being truthful. You must have a very special connection with this family for them to want to include you in the birth.

Nay The Nanny said...

Dr. Juris has a fantastic idea.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

If someone asked me this, I would be upfront + honest and say I was truly flattered that they would consider having me there, however I am quite squeamish and watching someone give birth was just not for me. Some people cannot watch this and I would be one of them.

However, offer to watch the other child(ren) during that time if they need assistance.

Good luck. ☺ ☺

CleaverJune said...

If I didn't want to attend, I would thank them, and say that I am touched that they would want me there, but that I wouldn't want to intrude on such an intimate special time. I would tell them that I would love to watch the other child if they would like, but that you do not wish to be in the way.

Village said...

She was probably invited primarily to watch the child. If the child is to be present at the birth, she probably is too.

I think this is a cultural issue. Some women don't want to be present at their own childbirths, much less someone else's. Others, like this MB,, are very comfortable with it, and want to share.

If you don't want to share, don't go. You don't need a reason. Just say how honored you are to have been invited, and you won't be able to come. (I wouldn't say you're sorry because you're not. You don't want to watch her give birth. Instead, emphasize the genuine honor of the inclusion, in place of an insincere apology. "I can't believe you included me in such an important event, and I can't go.' If she asks directly why, say family, and leave it at that. It's the truth. You don't want to see her expand her family.)

Bethany said...

Are you sure she didn't invite you to care for your current charge?

As for what to tell her you don't need to get into your personal views on homebirth simply just thank her for the offer and politely decline.

You can tell her it makes you squeamish if you want.

However, what an incredible honor for you, OP. You must be some nanny and thought of highly.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said... true.

How many of us mothers would opt out of giving birth if we could??!!

☺ ☻

MissMannah said...

Yeah, I agree with others, just don't go. I would also say don't offer to watch the older child either because I'm guessing she wants the child to be involved in the experience.

As for my own personal views on homebirth, I am ambivalent. I have not given birth yet so I still have a bit of a fear of the unknown. I have decided that if my first (unmedicated, hospital) birth goes very well, I will be open to considering a homebirth for the second.

Zhenya said...

I have always thought homebirth to be dangerous and unnecessarily risky. Yes, there are infections at the hospital, incapable doctors, and so on, but things can go south very fast during childbirth and I would rather be in close proximity to specialized care than not. As to the invitation in your case - just thank the mother and decline - she should understand your reluctance.

oceanblue said...

My opinion on homebirth is that it's awesome and has been shown to be safe as if not safer than hospital birth.

If a woman and her partner want one and have researched go for it. It's not coming out of my vagina so it's not my place to tell her where to go.

As for the OP, just decline the invitation. I'm sure your MB will understand and not be offended.

oceanblue said...

I recently attended a birth.

It was disgusting, terrifying and beautiful all rolled into one.

ericsmom said...

LOL Oceanblue