What Am I Doing Wrong?

I need some help from people in the Chicago area! I was born and raised in New York and had been living in Connecticut for the last five years before I moved to the Chicago area late last year. I’ve been a nanny for eight years, the last five years have been solely for high end families. I’ve always been completely full charge, extremely well compensated, noticeably appreciated (most important), and have always genuinely looked forward to going to work every day. Until I moved to Chicago. :(

I accepted a position caring for six month old twins after only a Skype interview and it was really great at first. But my employers work a school schedule with summers off. So I worked full charge January to mid-May. Then they were both home for a full three months. They genuinely didn’t need me. I’ve never had a harder time with a job. I’ve thrived in positions where I’ve been needed and not been a luxury and for all three months I was a luxury. Both parents were home the whole time I would be there. It was so incredibly uncomfortable I came home so frustrated every day. This may sound petty, I don’t mean it to be. But my last position in CT was 60+ hours a week, completely full charge for 3.5 years. To go from that to essentially be a mother’s helper for so long was the last thing I was interested or comfortable with. They dropped my pay from my generous weekly salary to paying me hourly. Some weeks I didn’t even clear $200. FOR THREE MONTHS. So on top of being completely uncomfortable at work…if I didn’t GO to the uncomfortable job.. I made no money. I even visited my old boss back in CT in June and when I told her about the job the first thing she said was “…but they’re still paying you your full salary during the summer right?…Why don’t these people understand this is your career?” This summer has completely changed my feelings toward my bosses because I can’t wrap my brain around how they thought I was surviving financially for that long amount of time (I had to borrow a large amount of money from my boyfriend). And to answer a potential question if I spoke with them about it..I didn’t. Because these are the type of people that write checks out to the penny…i.e. $110.25 My old boss would’ve rounded to the nearest 100…rounding to the nearest dollar would’ve been decent. So I knew having a conversation about summer compensation would’ve been a waste of breath.

School is back in session so I’m full charge again. But I’m actively looking for a new position and have gone on a few wonderful interviews. Most usually start with a phone interview that goes great and then I go to the family’s home for an interview that never lasts less than an hour. They all act impressed with me, I make them laugh, I leave my references’ contact info before I leave if I’m still interested in the position, I send a lovely follow up email later that night thanking them for their time, etc. I’ve yet to land a new position. I turned jobs away left and right in Connecticut and I can’t for the life of me figure out what families in Chicagoland are looking for that I’m not bringing to the table. I’ve got extensive multiples experience, I genuinely love my job, love caring for children. I go in completely professional with the greatest attitude. I say not a SINGLE bad word about my current family - I simply state that I’m looking for a new position that will be consistent throughout the year. I have the greatest of references that not one of the interviewers have contacted - I feel like if they did I’d be a shoe in. I’m contractually obligated to give at least three weeks notice to my current employers which I would never morally give less. One family had been looking for someone to start ASAP. So I understand that one. But what am I missing for the rest? Is something important in this area that maybe wasn’t back east? Something I should be highlighting or doing differently? Help!

Email isynblog@gmail.com

Drinking Problem & Nanny Liability

Greetings ISYN,
     I left my last job for a great job in Connecticut about four months ago. The family seems really nice. I have noticed a problem however and I wonder how it affects me as I live-in. Mom is often gone on the weekends, she plays tennis, goes shopping and gets her nails done. Dad seems to stay home a lot. He has a car he works on in his garage. The children are 1 & 4.

     I have a nanny vehicle and come and go as I like. I have noticed sometimes when I come home from an afternoon movie or shopping..usually around 4-6, that Dad is passed out on the sofa and once even on a chair in his garage area/man cave. He isn't passed out from being tired. There are always Budweiser bottles everywhere.
     I know for a fact the children go down for their nap from 1-3. I think what happens is Dad drinks like crazy then and then gets the kids up. But after he gets the kids up, he passes out. When I have found Dad passed out, the kids were:
1) downstairs alone in the basement playroom
2) the three year old was playing in Mom's make up upstairs and the 1 year old was ripping up magazines on the sofa by the Dad.
3) the 1 year old was still in her crib and the three year old was out back (unfenced) on her swing-set.

     The problem is, Mom has seen this to and she doesn't stop what she is doing. I know for a fact she has come and gone from some of the same scenes I have found. I find myself stopping what I am doing, putting the kids in  the family room with a movie. I even stayed one afternoon in the playroom because I was so upset/mad/shaken.

     The family is one of those beautiful families that everything seems perfect. Flawless house, yard, etc. I don't think they would welcome my input on this. I would love to suggest to them that they consider a weekend nanny. I have to imagine they could definitely afford it! I am so afraid of something happening to the kids, but they don't seem to have the slightest concern that this is abnormal.

Odd work situation? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Mary Jane

Pretty Odd Art

 After two years, our live out nanny left for a "real job". We moved to the suburbs of CT and hired a new nanny, a live in. She didn't work out. We terminated her and fired another. She was worse.

   My wife wants nothing but the old nanny back. I have been negotiating with the old nanny to get her to return to work with us. We want her to live in atleast 5x week because we can't have her commuting from Brooklyn, it's not reliable.

   We have negotiated salary and hours. There is just one thing. Nanny tells me that on her off time, after work, she enjoys to relax with marijuana. She tells me she doesn't drink.  She says she wants to tell me and be honest. She's been out and visited the new place so she knows the set up. She assures me that after work only, she will casually take a walk to the back of the wooded property and have a smoke. She assures me I will never smell it and the children will never know.

    My wife who wants her back so badly, she would have likely doubled her pay, is perfectly okay with this. I think it leaves the door open for drug possession charges. Where would she keep it? Is there anyway to lay ground rules for such a thing? How through do I need to be? I was thinking of getting a lock box for her to keep in the shed at the back of the property. Do I need some sort of assurance that she won't drive under the influence? Has anyone ever worked a situation like this? I wouldn't even consider it, except that we have known her for three years and never would have guessed she was a smoker. I don't want to judge her for being honest with me and want to come to a workable and safe solution.

The Switcheroo

      I interviewed with a family on Tuesday. They have just moved to a suburb of NYC in Connecticut. They were hiring a personal assistant, nanny and housekeeper. I interviewed for the nanny job. Upon further reflection, I think I would prefer the housekeeping job. The hours of that job are 8-3, five days a week. Childcare is only included if a child is home sick and if the child is sick enough to stay home, the child would be in his/her bed watching TV. I would just check on the child, bring meals, provide basic TLC. The pay of the housekeeping job is $750. The pay of the nanny job is $900 where the hours are 7:30-6:30. I'd love the PA job, it pays $1,000 per week but I have never done that before. Is there a tactful way to ask to be considered for the housekeeping job instead of the nanny job? I do have experience, I worked for a Merrymaids like outfit all through college. I want to communicate my desires appropriately so I don't lose out on the nanny job.

Am I allowed to quit early?

     I moved from Denver to an affluent area of Connecticut about a year and a half ago.
     I interviewed for several jobs first - ideally for a position in NYC - but found a job caring for two teenagers who live with their single father. It was the perfect job as I'm great with teens and I have a passion for cooking that I could express by cooking all their meals. I also teach yoga and I would have the flexibility to teach while the kids were at school. The father asked my to agree to stay with them for two years and I agreed. The microcosm within their home was wonderful. I love the kids, I feel respected and I do my job well. Although the first winter I was there I fell into a deep depression. I am a free-spirited hippy-dippy kind of girl trapped in a mansion with very uppity, older population. If I had known that the area was like that when I was offered the job I would have kept looking in NYC. It took a long time to make friends. I felt incredibly isolated and I reached a point about six months in where I almost had to go. It felt unbearable for me socially and mentally I was suffering.      Right around that time of nearly breaking down I traveled to Costa Rica and met an American man who lives there. To make a long story short we have maintained a long distance relationship for the last 8 months and we are ready to start a life together. I have stuck it out this long because I am paying off my student loans. I just got offered a position in CR that I cannot say no to. Professionally it is in alignment of what I want to do long term. The job begins 3 months short of my two year agreement. I already told my employer that I intend to move this year. I told him right away of my intentions And we agreed that I stay through the summer. With this position I would need to leave in the beginning of summer.
      My employer is a little challenging for me. He is all business and no emotion. He doesn't place himself in my shoes and try to understand the situation I'm in and really doesn't know anything about me. It's strange given that I have lived in his home for a year and a half. I'm worried about sharing the news. The kids are really attached to me. I care so much about the kids and I hate to disappoint but I need to leave earlier. There is a part of me that worries-- what if he doesn't let me go early?? Is this possible? I need to leave in 3.5 months. It took him a month to hire me after my first interview. Should I give him notice now? -KJ

Seeking some advice from our collective pool of employers and nannies? Email isynblog@gmail.com.