How would you handle a child during a temper tantrum? I have twin boys who are two myself and sometimes their behavior is beyond the pale but what I witnessed at Prospect Park was largely unforgivable. A nanny of Trinadadian ancestry, with braided hair, dark jeans and a peach windbreaker was dealing with a child of about 1.5-2 who was having a temper tantrum. The child, during said tantrum spit on the nanny. The nanny grabbed the child's face and squeezed his face so hard, he did in fact stop his temper tantrum. Even before the child spit at the nanny, I didn't feel the nanny was mature or intelligent to be left alone with a child. Many of her actions appeared to border on egging the child on. When the child raised his hand to suggest he could hit her, the nanny did the same thing and said, "hit me, go ahead, hit me". As a parent, I know sometimes temper tantrums just are, but this is one that could have been avoided with a more responsible caregiver. I truly felt for this little boy. Descriptive-wise, he had longish brown/blond hair, blue eyes and was wearing an orange and brown down vest over a yellow long sleeve shirt. This all transpired today, (Thursday 10/16) at about 4 PM.
Sunday
Prospect Park in Park Slope - NY
Received Sunday, October 19, 2008
How would you handle a child during a temper tantrum? I have twin boys who are two myself and sometimes their behavior is beyond the pale but what I witnessed at Prospect Park was largely unforgivable. A nanny of Trinadadian ancestry, with braided hair, dark jeans and a peach windbreaker was dealing with a child of about 1.5-2 who was having a temper tantrum. The child, during said tantrum spit on the nanny. The nanny grabbed the child's face and squeezed his face so hard, he did in fact stop his temper tantrum. Even before the child spit at the nanny, I didn't feel the nanny was mature or intelligent to be left alone with a child. Many of her actions appeared to border on egging the child on. When the child raised his hand to suggest he could hit her, the nanny did the same thing and said, "hit me, go ahead, hit me". As a parent, I know sometimes temper tantrums just are, but this is one that could have been avoided with a more responsible caregiver. I truly felt for this little boy. Descriptive-wise, he had longish brown/blond hair, blue eyes and was wearing an orange and brown down vest over a yellow long sleeve shirt. This all transpired today, (Thursday 10/16) at about 4 PM.
How would you handle a child during a temper tantrum? I have twin boys who are two myself and sometimes their behavior is beyond the pale but what I witnessed at Prospect Park was largely unforgivable. A nanny of Trinadadian ancestry, with braided hair, dark jeans and a peach windbreaker was dealing with a child of about 1.5-2 who was having a temper tantrum. The child, during said tantrum spit on the nanny. The nanny grabbed the child's face and squeezed his face so hard, he did in fact stop his temper tantrum. Even before the child spit at the nanny, I didn't feel the nanny was mature or intelligent to be left alone with a child. Many of her actions appeared to border on egging the child on. When the child raised his hand to suggest he could hit her, the nanny did the same thing and said, "hit me, go ahead, hit me". As a parent, I know sometimes temper tantrums just are, but this is one that could have been avoided with a more responsible caregiver. I truly felt for this little boy. Descriptive-wise, he had longish brown/blond hair, blue eyes and was wearing an orange and brown down vest over a yellow long sleeve shirt. This all transpired today, (Thursday 10/16) at about 4 PM.
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I personally believe that children copy cat what they are around, and I wouldn't put it beside, that what the boy is doing, he picked up from the nanny herself.
Not trying to be boastful or anything, but, my charge copys everything I do, down to my bad accent. It is humerous sometimes especially when she tries to make the same face I make when I am displeased or when I sway my index finger from side to side and say no no no. She is two also and it is humerous to watch her.
Nevertheless, if she (the nanny) is challenging (not sure if thats the right word to use) the boy to hit her so she could hit him back, I wouldn't be surprised that he learned that from her and the spitting is just a bad childhood habit.
She does not seem like a good example for the boy and hopefully his parents see this and act accordingly. I.e. have a talk with her or something to the effect that she knows that they are aware of what she does/how she treats their son and what she is teaching him to do.
I handle temper tantrums with time outs.
Its amazing how two minutes could seem like two days to a two year old.
The minuite I say "Time out! Go sit in the chair!" All bad behavior stops.
She still has to go but she is usually not a repeat offender.
Hope that helped.
What in the world does her culture have to do with it? If she were White would you have been so bold in stating this? I beg to differ with you nannyinmanhattan, this child seems to be plain rude and nasty. Spitting on someone is the worst thing you can do to anybody. The nanny acted wrong I will agree, but the little rude boy went far beyond with his behavior.
Renee I disagree. Yes it was rude that the little boy spit on the nanny and it seems nasty but at two I honestly do not think it is anything but learned behavior and lack of good instruction to change his behavior. He is only between 1.5-2 years old. At that age they have to be taught right and wrong and they will try anything they see because they may not know that it is wrong yet. So it may have been a lot for his behavior, but at that age he is still learning right and wrong. And he obviously is not being taught right. And in regards to the nanny's culture I think the OP posted that more to identify the nanny, not to be rude. If it had been a white nanny, she would have said that.
I worry for the child because then he sees the nanny grab his face and squeeze it. I can just picture the child doing that to another little child on the playground because his nanny did it to him. Then he basically will grow up to be a nasty child because that is what he was taught. :(
Hi NannyinManhattan, I agree with you except.........
This woman doesn't sound like she knows anything about early childhood development, in addition to having little patience. I honestly don't think the parents talking to her is going to change that. They need a professional nanny!
OP,
It is normal for a toddler to have meltdowns. They haven't learned socially appropriate ways to handle frustration and postponed gratification, plus they aren't always able to express their feelings verbally.
Redirection, time outs (as a chance to calm down, not punishment) and avoiding situations where they are over tired, or hungry work for me. (Don't drag them to the supermarket right before nap or meal time!)
The boys I watch will sometimes have temper tantrums but to physically squish their faces...I couldn't even imagine doing that! thats awful! The kid is two...therefore if he spit, the nanny could have given him a time out, gone straight home from the park as a punishment and overall, handled it better.
I do not think the kid is a nasty kid, he probably has no respect for a nanny who sounds abusive and just mean. And if this is a problem child, they should get a nanny qualified to handle the behavior better then this lady did.
egging a child on is wrong to, it teaches the kid to do wrong instead of right and obviously, thats wrong.
I hope the parents get to see this post.
If you see a woman sitting on the floor of a grocery store with a child in full rant, it is probably me. It is just my way of showing the child I am there for the duration no matter what tantrum they are trying to pull off. If you venture close enough you will hear me quietly explaning to the child why tantrums aren't a good idea, and yes, I also would like the xxx but we are not this time. I can't imagine being spit in the face. That has never happened in all my years. I do have a friend that from the age of being able to string words together would scream at the nanny, her parents, her friends, "I hate you." Wonder who she learned that from....
I meant to say my friend the nanny watched a child when I wrote this statement:
I do have a friend that from the age of being able to string words together would scream
I don't care what anyone says but little babies are little books with blank pages when they are born and they learn behaviour. Spitting ? this kid learned that more than likely at the park from another little spitter. Never should anyone squeeze a little kids face for punishment. We went thru the spitting business too and no matter where we were or what we were doing spitting meant we go home or he got a time out. My sister in law used to spit back..that helped NOT, then decided to slap her kid for it..so now the kid slapped people...finally I asked my brother
what the hell his problem was that he did not step in and send his wife to parenting classes!
Tantrums are normal..kids get frustrated, they cannot talk well enough at that age to tell you why they are so angry and upset,they act it out and apparently that nanny has the same problem as the 2 yr old,she doesn't have enough brains to try to help the poor kid tell her what is wrong and why he is doing this so instead she uses brute force. I would like to see someone do to her what she does to the kid!!!
As far as her nationality goes, we are to give descriptions of the person being abusive to the child, and that is what the OP did.
1.5-2 years old is too young to be treated like that (not that any age is OK, but at that age he hardly can be expected to have control over himself yet.) Squishing a toddler's face like that is terrible, no matter waht he did. And so is egging him on and pretending she might hit him. At that age it's probably best to do a small time out, and if he does it again then it's time to go home for a nap. I used to say to mine, "you must be very tired ot act like that. We should go home and have a nap now." Not in an angry voice, just plain and sweet. Then the child can begin to make the association that when he acts badly, or hurts somebody, he won't be able to play at the park anymore that day. It doesn't say to him, "you're a bad boy." It only says, "We can't stay here if we can't behave ourselves." it puts the responsibility for his actions right back onto the child without making him feel that he's a bad boy.
These people need a more mature and less abusive nanny...PRONTO!
So his bad behaviour is instantly blamed on the nanny? I am both a daycare teacher as well as a nanny. Why not blame his parents for not teaching him right from wrong. At the age of two they know so many things, in most cases they have more sense than a 3 year old.lol My last job the 2 year old boy hit and bit his mom. She spanked him on the bottom and put him in tme out.
The next day he told me what he did and the spank and the timeout that his mother gave him. I told his mother and she agreed that yes he was given a spank and a time out. Who in their right mind would sit around and teach a child to spit, bite, hit etc? Nonsense! I have always read from this site A Jamaican this or a Trinadadian that. When complainers are complaining about others their clothes and purses are described. just who are you trying to fool about the descriptions given.
I'm not taking up for the nanny in now way. She lost her cool when he spat on her, she should have handled it a different way I agree. Never discipline in anger.
OMG Renee, we must all thank our lucky stars we have never placed our children in a daycare that would make the mistake of hiring you, or God forbid, hired YOU as a nanny! At the age of 1.5, you seriously believe a child ought to know "right from wrong" and always act accordingly, or get "taught" how to act by being spanked?? No one in their right mind would "sit around and teach a child to spit, bite, hit etc", but clearly there are a whole lot of unbelievably ignorant people unfortunately being left in charge of small children who don't know the first thing about child development and don't realize they are inadvertently doing just that. (Like hitting a child to show them that you don't like their behavior, but that's another debate.)
And are you seriously trying to say that a nanny should be described only by her purse and her clothes?? This must be the first and only sighting you've ever read here if you think noone ever mentions the skin color or apparent ethnicity of a nanny.
cali mom said OMG Renee, we must all thank our lucky stars we have never placed our children in a daycare that would make the mistake of hiring you, or God forbid, hired YOU as a nanny! At the age of 1.5, you seriously believe a child ought to know "right from wrong" and always act accordingly, or get "taught" how to act by being spanked??
You are indeed ignorant, go back and read what I wrote. The person telling this story blames the nanny right off the bat. No where in my post did I say I spanked the child. His own mother gave him a pat on his butt, then sent him into time out. I don't know what kind of 2 year olds you are around but these kids very smart. I have never had any complaints in my teaching or any child I have raised period. If his mother wants to discipline him for biting and hitting who are you to say his mother is wrong?
This must be the first and only sighting you've ever read here if you think noone ever mentions the skin color or apparent ethnicity of a nanny.
Again go back and read my post, this isn't the first time I've read I saw Your Nanny.com I have seen people on here talk about Jamaicans, Trinadadians Black Americans etc. I have noticed when people are talking about caucasins they will usually comment on what the nanny wore, or what type of back pack or special purse the nanny was carrying.
Comprehension, is a hellava thing try it sometimes, instead of OMG ranting on about something you obviously have no clue about. BTW my ex employer that have spanked her son "one pat on his bum" for biting her and hiting her is White. lol
OOPS, I hate to see typos "Caucasians" lol
well,op since you asked.. In my experience temper tantrums are best handled by ignoring them. The child will eventually realize that it is not getting him or her the attention they are looking for. I have a 16 yr old,a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old,all 3 have had temper tantrums. But only a handfull each. By 15 months,if ignored, the tantrums will most likely end. They did with my 2 oldest children.My 1 yr old is going through them now. She has had about 4 in the last 2 months. We have ignored them and we are hoping they will go away in the next month or so.
IMO a two yr old is MUCH to old to be having temper tantrums. Crying because they don't get what they want or are tired,yes, but a full on temper tantrum.NO.
Children are very smart and at 2 if they are still having temper tantrums it is beacuse they know they will ilicit a reaction from mom & dad, grandma or grandpa ro who ever it is caring for them.
When your child starts.simply walk away from them. If they are flailing or arching their back,help them to the floor so they don't hurt their head and tell them"when you are done, you let me know" and go sit down or go back to what you were doing. Do not yell or raise your voice.
This will work. I have over 20 yrs childcare experience and have seen this work over a dozen times.
If you give in, try to hold them or try to reason with them, it will not work and yes, you will have a 2 yr old having temper tantrums.
No child should be subject to a face squshing, i don't even know what the hell that is all about.
Here where I live people pull ears and thump kids on the head,They pull little girls by the hair and tell kids to shut up . This is NOT the way to curb temper tantrums.It is sickening!
Children do learn by example. If you act calm when disciplining, they will follow your lead.
Good luck OP. Try the ignore them method.(ignore the tantrum..NOT THE KID!)
I used to watch a child that would throw awful tantrums. Horrible... at first I didn't know what to do. Then one day I got the bright idea of sitting him in front of a mirror. When he noticed himself in the mirror crying and all red, he calmed down. i was in shock so then I started carying a mirror with me, as soon as he threw a tantrum in the store the mirror came out. When I didn't have a mirror I would pretend to cry and he would get so embarrassed. He would cover his hands over his face and pretend not to look at me.... after about a month of all this he stopped his tantrums because he realized he looked horrible and no matter what I wasn't going to give into him
I agree, she shouldn't have squished his face; and the obvious follow-up statement, if she does that in public, what does she do to him in private?
Renee- Spitting one someone is the worst thing you can do to anybody? I think that is a bit dramatic; how about torture? Isn't that worse than being spit on? Anyway...
I see white people IDed by ethnicity all the time on this site. Maybe a Jamaican accent is more easily recognizable than a Canadian accent or French accent to the poster and that is why you see black nannies IDed as Jamaican more often on here than white nannies? Or maybe the majority of white nannies described on this site are American/have no discernable accent and so the poster feels no need to mention that as we are in America and it can be assumed...? I have seen many white nannies described as being from one country or region or another or having a Southern, French, British, German accent, etc. As for saying that white nannies get described by their clothes and black nannies by their ethnicity and accent... so long as it isn't offensive, why shouldn't they include as much detail as they can remember? I have seen plenty of black nannies on the site have their clothing/bags/strollers described. Are you saying that it is unfair that supposedly white nannies get described by their hair color, bags, clothes, etc. and black nannies supposedly usually get described by their guessed ethnicity? I don't think that is true, I have observed hundreds of reports with varying levels of description on this site; but either way, what does it matter if it helps someone to ID a bad nanny and place the child in better care?
Sorry that was garbled. Whatever.
"egging him on" thats the phrase I was looking for!
blb,
I used almost the exact same strategy as you and it worked so well! (Although my kids still cried on for their way on occasion even up to age three if I recall correctly.) When somebody deemed it necessary to stand in the middle of where we were gathered and cry loudly to express displaesure at being told "no," I would simply say, very sweetly, "I don't like to listen to that. Can you please go into your room until you are finished crying and then come out when you are ready." My first son was the most hilarious. he would wail loudly all the way as he walked into his room, then he would wail about three more times (30 seconds or less, total) and then stop abruptly, walk out cheerfully and announce, "I'm done." Then he woul dbe happy as a clam thereafter. It was hard not to laugh in fornt of him.
Renee, you used the word "SPANK" 3 times in your post and now you are tring to backpeddle and call it a "pat"? Which one is it dear? If a child walks up and "pats" you on the leg, is it the same as the child "spanking" you on the leg? Does your guy "spank" you to show you he loves you or does he "pat" you?
If you claim to be in child care yet have never noticed that when it comes to toddlers and two yr olds EVERYTHING is a case of monkey see monkey do (like hitting, spitting, cussing, biting, etc), then you are either lying about your profession or hopelessly dumb. A child will pick up ANY behaviors ANYBODY demonstrates, good or bad. Stupid people like this horrib;e nanny do dumb things around kids and then the kids pick up the habits.
That's a great approach to the tantrums, but some kids throw tantrums not just by screaming but by knocking things down, throwing, etc. That makes it much more difficult to just stand aside and ignore them.
well betcha if that child were "patted" on the butt those tantrums would stop.
cali mom,
My friend's daughter became wild like that and she just locked her in the backyard where she couldn't break things to have her tantrums, at her doctor's suggestion. Only problem was that the neighbors eventually decided she must be abusing her and called the police.
BLB-
my child (2.4) still has temper tantrums. Are you calling her stupid?
Next time, when you an adult squeezing a child's face, call the police.
Sounds pretty clear from your original post that this was abusive.
If you don't call, no one else is going to. And this type of behavior will go on and on.
I am sorry but I know that i will start an argument here but I DO beleive in spanking. Not anything to hurt the child. i think it more surprises them to be honest. I don't beleive in spanking other people children either. But if the child is doing something continuously that could hurt themselves and they are not listening to any other reasoning. I think that a stern pat on the rear is good. Not if it is overdone of course because then they will start not to care about that.
For instance my friends son has a problem when he throws tantrums. He yells "I am going to rip down everything in this house!" and then he starts to. She has tried everything. One day he was having said tantrum and he was jumping up and down on the sofa in sitting area, he fell off the couch just misssing the glass coffee table. Then he got up and start running like he was on fire. She grabbed him and gave him a good swat. Mostly out of fear for him because he almost dove head first into glass. This type of behavior warrented the spanking.. she explained why to him after she calmed down. But i would have done the same. I would rather my child be emotionally scarred for a couple of days or into adult hood or whatever, rather than bleeding to death on the floor.
After that all she needed to do was threaten the spanking and he would calm down. he wouldn't stop crying and screaming but he would stop trying to rip apart the house.
My charge who is now 8 had a horrible tantrum at the age of 4. In the playground of all places with everyone watching.
Being the kind and considerate nanny that I am, I simply told him no to the question he was asking, explaining why not and that was that.
Of course he proceeded to shock the hell out of me by screaming bloody murder (this was the first time he did this).
I kept my calm, every now and again reiterating the "no". This continued for about 10 minutes. Everyone was shooting daggers at me though, I am sure thinking what a terrible nanny but I refused to leave the playground to placate anyone else though.
He did settle down and with a few hugs and kisses and more reasoning why he could not have his own way and he was off to play with his friends, having gotten everything off his tiny chest.
This incident never repeated itself EVER. Phew.
jj,on the contrary.I said nothing of the sort .You need to go back and read my post. You will see that my statement was," children at this age are SMART." And if they are still throwing full on temper tantrums between ages 2-5they are smart enough to know it will illicit a response from mom and dad or who ever the care provider is.
Perhaps in your case your child is simply outsmarting mom..afterall..if you cannot translate a simple,non confrontational post on ISYN, how hard could it be for a 2 and half yr old to figure out what pushes your buttons?
Best of luck with your tempramental child. I hope that you are able to take advice from the many posts from experienced moms & nannies here and get the tantrums under control soon.It will make both your day and your childs days all that much more enjoyable.
Cheers.
Children who throw things and tear the house a part need a swat on the butt.They are only doing what they are doing to get attention.
Phoenix,you are not alone.Several posters on this thread have talked of using spanking as a form of discipline.They are far less than the anti-spank crowd, but they do exist.
You can add me to that anti-spanking list. There are far too many other ways to discipline a child. You don't need to lower their self-esteem even more by hitting/spanking/swatting/patting(?) their behinds.
And BLB, I am blown away by your ability to hold your tongue and get your point across like that without bitching somebody out. Not sure I could do that. Kudos to you, girl.
OP, I don't think you have described enough here, honestly. From what you did describe, the nanny seems totally appropriate. Did you want the nanny to sit there and give "time out" for spitting or threatening to hit an adult? Time out is a joke! I almost wish I could have spanked him myself! If a child ever raised a hand at me I beleive I would say the same thing she said! Do you think he needs to learn or do you think he should be handled like a little prince? Which do you think will benefit him long term if he is truly direspectful?
If you actually called the police over this, it would not only be a joke but a waste of law enforcement's time.
Police deal with people all the time who are the products of LACK of discipline. They are called criminals.
This is getting rediculous and infuriating.
By the way, it is absolutely okay for a nanny do defend herself against being hit or spat at. No woman deserves physical abuse from a toddler while on the job.
Anonymous said...
My charge was two and a half when he went through the spitting stage. In all my years in child care, I have bit hit, kicked, had my hair pulled, etc, but spitting is the one thing that upsets me more than anything else. During his spitting faze, I would give him a two minute time out and tell him he had to face the corner because I did not like to be spit on, so if he was going to spit, it would be at the wall, not me. He hated having to face the wall and after about a week, the spitting stopped.
9:19 PM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS POSTER!!!!!
My worst nightmare would be to hire a nanny like 'cant stand it', who would feel like smacking a child as young as two over a learned behavior. Children that young are sponges and they mimic everything they see around them from everybody they come into contact with. I don't think they have the ability at that age to not act impulsively, or to know complete right from wrong.
To weigh in on the spanking, so the minority doesn't seem even smaller:
I spanked, but on VERY rare occasions and not hard...and never before the age of three, when the kids at least had a somewhat developed sense of cause and effect, so that the message would be clear. What's the point if you're going to leave them standing there, bewildered and wondering why mommy suddenly hit them? Spanking a two year old is just idiotic IMO, but, as I said, for the older kids, it can get a point acroos pretty well regarding a safety issue..or on those occasions when the child decides he is willing to take the time out, or the loss of privelege, or whatever his punishment is, be utterly defiant, and really wants to see what mommy and daddy will do if they simply "refuse punishment." It seems to me that every child has at least one episode where they are determined to get the upper hand on mom and dad, no matter what. That worked for me, but I completely understand that some parents just don't want to ever spank, and that is fine too.
If you keep it as a very rare thing, it is the idea of it that upsets them (at least it seemed so with my kids, who...thank goodness...were typically upset enough with being sent to sit on the stairs that we were almost always able to start and stop there)...and after you do it once or twice, you really don't have to do it again because the mention of it is enough.
The thing that allowed me to get past the idea of it being too mean of a discipline tool was that I really wanted my kids to understand that there are definite limits and boundaries in life that we just absolutely, positively do not go past....no discussion. I figured they could learn from me when they were small that there are consequences, or they could wait until thet were adults and possibly end up sitting, bewildered, on a bench inside a jail cell, about why they are being punished so severely, when they had, up unti that point, been able to push limits and erase boundaries and get away with it.
As I have mentioned before, I had one "tester" and one who hardly ever needed even the slightest reprimand...and one in between.
If I ask them now, nobody feels that they were over punished or abused. And they all have a pretty good sense of actions and consequences. (Not always as good a sense as mom would like...but pretty good compared to a lot of what I see from kids at their ages anyway.)
a texas nanny said...
Renee- Spitting one someone is the worst thing you can do to anybody? I think that is a bit dramatic; how about torture? Isn't that worse than being spit on? Anyway...
Which would you prefer someone hawking a big wad of spit in your face. Or someone that hits you in the eye? Personally I will take the eye punishment. Besides the "N' word spitting is way up high on the list. It is a degrading action.
cali mom said...
Renee, you used the word "SPANK" 3 times in your post and now you are tring to backpeddle and call it a "pat"? Which one is it dear? If a child walks up and "pats" you on the leg, is it the same as the child "spanking" you on the leg? Does your guy "spank" you to show you he loves you or does he "pat" you?
Oh please, I'm not trying to back peddle anything. His mom spank him on his butt once, then sent him in time out. If she wants to discipline her child with a spank or pat on his bum it's none of your business or mine as a matter of fact.
Personally what I call a spanking means getting hit on the bum way more than once. With that big old diaper on, I'm sure he didn't even feel the spank. He was telling me about it laughing.
So Renee is most likely the immature, impatient, ignorant and unqualified excuse for a nanny who is the subject of OP's post and is squirming defensively, trying to dig herself out of the deepening hole.
Renee sweetie, read slowly and sound out each letter as you type your reply if you need to: You first said his mother "spanked" him. Then you said his mother "patted" him. Then you said again she "spanked" him but it's no one's business. So which one was it? You are obviously not a nanny but a 2 buck babysitter if you feel that an adult hitting a child to teach them that hitting is not OK, is "none of your business".
Cant Stand It, I hope you've been sterilized.
and calimom is the woman in the store with the 3 yr old having the lets throw everything and tear everything apart temper tantrums
right??
sure had alot of mean things to say just cause you dont spank and some do but you always attack when you find what others do disagrreable too bad you cant plead your case in a civil way
no wonder your kid still has tantrums mommy does too
Vivid imagination you have cali time.
Actually, quite the opposite. People comment frequently on how sweet and well behaved my son is, and one lady was surprised a few days ago when he stopped to pick up something from the floor in a store and put it back on the shelf EXACTLY where it belonged, making sure it was set straight, facing the right way, etc. He stays near me and uses an "indoor voice" in such places. Unlike some who feel their little precious should never have to be "bored" by being exposed to such lower class mundanities as being taken to a bank, shopping (for anything other than toys for themselves of course), or any establishment requiring basic manners, he has been taught from when he is a baby that we don't get noisy or run inside, that we put things back in their places, and do not make a mess. Are yours those 10 year olds who play tag in the store, crashing into other customers and screech for "MOOOOOMMYYYYYYYY" from across the store because they can't find you, since you are hiding from them and trying to pretend you don't know them?
On second thought, it's quite striking how you and "Renee" seem to have parallel spelling, grammar and punctuation issues. Hmmm.
But of course my guy is a child, not an angel, and he does sometimes have fairly minor fusses, usually at home. I sometimes take the approach of one of the dads at his school who is a psychiatrist, and tell him that I know he is upset and frustrated, sad, etc, and that he can cry for a while, but that it is not okay to break or throw things, hurt anyone, etc, and he usually calms down quickly. Also, the steps leading up to a tantrum are most important IMO, because prevention is better than a cure.
I think cali mom definitely has the right idea and approach.
Sounds like she and her son have reasonable and fair boundaries set up.
a school age child having tantrums???
You don't stop a tantrum, you let it wear out on its own. Ignoring is the best defense!
Hey Cali,
You make a great point about the steps leading up to a tantrum.
Maybe you will want to try our favorite tantrum preventive technique. (My 22 year old and I were just reminiscing about that one.) It only works in that pre-tanrum phase, where you can see things are going downhill, but before the child actually does anything that requires reprimanding. (Otherwise you risk reinforcing bad behavior.)
It was officially and aptly named "The Kiss Treatment."
What I did one day (and many thereafter, since it worked out so well) when my son was cranky and things were going downhill (he was probably about three) was to look right into his face, sternly and way overly dramatically, and say something like, "You are in a very bad mood. We simply cannot have this. There is only one thing to do, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to do it." He was looking at me very seriously by this point, because it was not a normal reaction from me. I continued, "You are going to have to have....(pause for maximum effect).... the Kiss Treatment!" Then I tossed him on the sofa and kissed him...like a hundred times...until he was laughing hysterically. Bad mood instantly reversed. Magic.
Every now and then after that when he (or one of the others as they came along) started getting testy I would say, "Does somebody need the kiss treatment?" Even the grouchiest of little munchkins would respond with a smile and a shy nod to that question! Works every time.
Oh how I miss those innocent days!
If anybody tries that, let me know how it works for you.
that is crazy, PREschool age.
And actually, it sounds more like he has fusses than tantrums.
cali mom said...
So Renee is most likely the immature, impatient, ignorant and unqualified excuse for a nanny who is the subject of OP's post and is squirming defensively, trying to dig herself out of the deepening hole.
Renee sweetie, read slowly and sound out each letter as you type your reply if you need to: You first said his mother "spanked" him. Then you said his mother "patted" him. Then you said again she "spanked" him but it's no one's business. So which one was it? You are obviously not a nanny but a 2 buck babysitter if you feel that an adult hitting a child to teach them that hitting is not OK, is "none of your business".
Cant Stand It, I hope you've been sterilized.
And indeed you too are ignorant, I am a (licensed teacher) and probably have ore skills than you will comprehend in your life time. So please get a life, and stop trying to sound educated because you come off as a real live fool.
People have different ways of seeing things. I don't call what she did a spanking but more so rather a swift pat on his butt. When she did this he was wearing a diaper, if anything the sound alone was more than the little pat she gave him.
The term (beating) is when a parent goes overboard in my opinion and hits a child any and everywhere on a child's body. I was spanked when I was a child every once in a while and it just wasn't one little pat on my bottom either. My family love that's where the discipline comes in.
I do agree, with no kind of adult discipline we'll probably see you on Oprah or Maury. Standing around crying cause at the age of 10 he's beating the hell out of you and you have no control over him. As far a being a 2 dollar babysitter, every single arent that I have worked for respects and cherishes me as a part of their family.
I work for parents in Congress, Doctors, Lawyers, a Judge etc. So your 2 dollar comment is wayyyyyyyy beyond funny indeed. lol lol
11:19AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!
YOU FORGOT YOUR MONIKER!
11:19 re-post for anonymous said...
cali mom said...
So Renee is most likely the immature, impatient, ignorant and unqualified excuse for a nanny who is the subject of OP's post and is squirming defensively, trying to dig herself out of the deepening hole.
Renee sweetie, read slowly and sound out each letter as you type your reply if you need to: You first said his mother "spanked" him. Then you said his mother "patted" him. Then you said again she "spanked" him but it's no one's business. So which one was it? You are obviously not a nanny but a 2 buck babysitter if you feel that an adult hitting a child to teach them that hitting is not OK, is "none of your business".
Cant Stand It, I hope you've been sterilized.
And indeed you too are ignorant, I am a (licensed teacher) and probably have more skills than you will comprehend in your life time. So please get a life, and stop trying to sound educated because you come off as a real live fool.
People have different ways of seeing things. I don't call what she did a spanking but more so rather a swift pat on his butt. When she did this he was wearing a diaper, if anything the sound alone was more than the little pat she gave him.
The term (beating) is when a parent goes overboard in my opinion and hits a child any and everywhere on a child's body. I was spanked when I was a child every once in a while and it just wasn't one little pat on my bottom either. My family love that's where the discipline comes in.
I do agree, with no kind of adult discipline we'll probably see you on Oprah or Maury. Standing around crying cause at the age of 10 he's beating the hell out of you and you have no control over him. As far a being a 2 dollar babysitter, every single arent that I have worked for respects and cherishes me as a part of their family.
I work for parents in Congress, Doctors, Lawyers, a Judge etc. So your 2 dollar comment is wayyyyyyyy beyond funny indeed. lol lol
11:19AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!
YOU FORGOT YOUR MONIKER!
1:23 PM
Renee, were you trying to say something? You were incoherent both times.
Good God, it's so ridiculous to come on this site and witness the digression of topic down to a cat fight. How many times did you post today, cali mom? Did you accomplish anything else?? Would you list name-calling on ISYN as your biggest accomplishment in life? so sad. Dear.
pre-school age is 3 or older and that is MUCH too old for a child to be having temper tantrums.
Hmm, so what's mimi too's excuse then?
Don't waste your breath Mimi. Everybody reading her OMG responses can see she's high on her botox injections. She can toot wind dixy from her behind as far as I'm concerned. lol
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