Received Monday, October 20, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Do I have a leg to stand on? I am a live in nanny. My "nanny area" is a four room area located off of the garage. To access this area, you need to go from the kitchen, through the mudroom, open the garage door and go through the garage and then go in my door.My door has a lock on it. I also have a sliding door that faces the side of the property. My area is located under a terrace. I have been here four months. I am a neat person, but not a neat freak. When I started, my employers talked to me about discretion and their privacy and how important that was to them. During this conversation, I said specifically, "these are things, I too value". Now, on to my problem. One time, my employer emptied my garbage for me. I wasn't there. One time, she reminded me not to leave dishes in my area. The dishes had been cleared out. To illustrate what happened, I got off work and was going to the movies with a friend. I took a plate of food to my room and heated it up in my microwave. I ate the food and ran out to the movie. I was ina hurry. At this time, I also quickly changed, so my day outfit was on the floor. This is something I would have cleaned up later that night. I wanted to ask, "how did you know dishes were there?". My male boss is not involved with nanny type things. My female boss is who I deal with and she is the one who has gone in my room twice now to clean things. On a third occassion and with no prior notice, she sent the housekeeper to my area to clean it.I was not there and I was very uncomfortable knowing someone had poked around my things. I know we give up a lot when we agree to be live in nannies. I do light housekeeing as only associated with keeping things tidy for the family. She has no complaints about the condition of her house. How do I address my rights to privacy? Do I have them as a live in nanny?
19 comments:
Maybe, they have a nanny cam set-up in your room. That can be one way they see whats going on. Besides going in there. You mentioned you have a lock on your door. How did she get in? Does she have a key to open it?
Maybe, install another lock.
Them having a nanny cam in her living area would be totally illegal. Change the locks to the door, then if she says anything you know she was trying to go in and snoop around. you do have a right to privacy and they should not violate that right.
I would also just have a talk with her or send her an email, and say that something is bothering you and that at the beginning of your employment you dicussed privacy and was under the impression you were going to receive that in your area but have found that is not the case. and go from there, making sure you stress that you need that privacy in order to feel like an independent person within a live in situation. I to have that issue but its not really an issue when I am gone cause I could care less, but when I am home my boss will walk in and want to talk to me or show me something rather than wait and knock. So good luck!
I totally agree that your employer shouldn't be going in your room without you knowing. However, seeing as it's her house, she doesn't exactly need your permission, and if it was me, I would be MEGA ULTRA pissed if someone changed the locks in my house without my explicit permission. You really have zero right to do that. (Also, concerning your safety, what if you accidentally left the door locked at night and there was a fire and your employers couldn't get in to get you out?)
I definitely think you should speak with her about it because as an adult you require your privacy. It kind of sounds to me like she is just in a "mothering" mode--making sure you pick up after yourself, etc. I would sit down with her and explain that while you make occasional messes they are always cleaned up in a timely manner, and you're just not comfortable with her being in your room without you knowing (I would NOT use the phrase "without permission" here!). If she has a problem with that, well, for me, that would be a matter to quit over. Good luck to you!
There's no freakin' way I would be okay with someone mothering me like that in my OWN little space.
I would start off by saying, "X, I really like the space you've provided for me to live in, however, I wasn't under the impression that, say for example, the housekeeper would be coming into that space and while I appreciate the thought, I'm honestly not comfortable with it. I'm a private person and quite frankly, it's not even that it's stressful even thinking about keeping my place "company ready" 100% of the time, it's the fact that even though this is your house, this little area is my home. I thought the lock on the door was further proof to that effect." and then you could kinda of laugh and say, "Man, most anyone else would think I'm crazy saying no to free housekeeping, but the fact is, I I just enjoy my privacy. :)"
Good luck, Op! Let us know what happens. . . I'm always curious
Every adult deserves some privacy, unless you're a convicted felon.
You NEED to confront the woman and discuss the boundaries. Yes you are living in her property, but you are also an employee,providing service.
I was a live in nanny a few years ago and I had just a room in their house. I was told that no one was allowed in there unless it was the cleaning lady ( I was fine with that). But once the children went in and broke my computer. The family had to pay for it, even though they tried to dispute it,saying it was my responsibility to keep them out.
Needless to say I won that case
Couldn't the mother have noticed that you took a plate of food? Either she saw you do it or maybe she emptied the clean dishwasher and noticed there was one plate missing? And maybe the mother just assumes that you would be happy that they pay the cleaning lady to do your space so you don't have to do it yourself?
It's hard to be a live in nanny because although you kind of have your own space, it is more like being a permanent guest in someone's home.
Perhaps you could talk to the mother about the cleaning lady's schedule for coming into your space, and use that as a jumping off point to make sure other visits are talked about in advance.
While it IS the family's house, the OP has a right to privacy and I'm not just saying it would be nice of the family to give her some privacy.
I mean, IT IS HERS. She technically pays rent by receiving lower wages.
One live-in nanny that I employed turned out to be very messy. I never went in her quarters until one Friday evening when my daughter asked if I had ever seen the nanny's room and told me that I needed to take a look.
I was shocked. Under her bed were dishes with mold growing. In her closet was a four foot high pile of dirty clothes, including some of my clothes that she apparently "borrowed" and wore when she ran out of her own clean clothes. I found cigarette butts on one of the dishes under her bed as well as a Pine Sol soaked rag that she had stuffed in the air vent to mask the smell of smoke. I was livid. I packed up her stuff and called her and told her that it was all in the driveway waiting for her.
Needless to say, after that experience, I did take an occasional peak in the live-in nanny's quarters. I only had one other surprise...but it was a major one...I found drug paraphenalia in her bathroom vanity cabinet.
I don't know if your employer has had a bad experience or not, buy she may just feel that she needs to be reassured that you aren't doing anything unsafe, illegal or indecent.
So weird!
The housekeeper, sure. The Mom? No way!!
Seriously seriously weird, that would drive me insane. I would not be able to live there.
Nanny agent - you looked in her bathroom vanity? You call that an occasional "peak" (sic)?? Wow, you've got some nerve. I'm of the opinion that the nanny is, in essence, renting the space as she is receiving lower wages for being a live-in nanny. Landlords in my state have to give 24 hour notice to go in an apartment unless it's an emergency. Perhaps a drug screening in place of your occasional "Peaking"?? Do nannies get tested for drugs? Anyone?
Bottom line -- you will never be happy if you cannot feel completely at home and comfortable in your own space. So, either suck it up, speak up, or get out!
Anonymous said...
Ok.
She is not allowed to have a nanny cam in your private living space unless she told you and you agreed to it.
She most likely has a key to your room and she would need one for a variety of reasons in case you were not home and she needed access. HOWEVER, she should not be going in there and snooping around without your presence or permission. (Although I would love it if someone sent a housekeeper to clean up after me!) :D
Seriously, you can't just go and change the locks without permission. You do need to sit down with your employer and tell her while you appreciate the provision of a housekeeper, you prefer people not be in your apartment without you there.
Because of the location of your apartment, it sounds like it might be more susceptible to rodent infestation, and perhaps they have had an issue with that before. Hence the desire to not have your place messy or with food or dirty dishes lying around. You intended to clean it up. Your boss likely doesn't realize that. She probably saw you take the plate to your room, and didn't see the plate come out then you left. Some people are neat freaks, and cannot abide the thought of an unwashed plate lying around. So I urge you to sit down and openly discuss your concerns with her.
Best of Luck!
8:57 AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!!!
Hi!
I was anonymous 8:57 am and thought I had used my moniker. Thanks for reposting and sorry!
Anonymous said...
What I really can't understand is how employers feel that intruding on a nannies private quarters is justified. Where as the majority of nannies only ever enter their employers personal space either with permission or as a neccessity for the children.
My employer also snoops on me. I however don't even know what colour towels are in her bathroom.
5:35 AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!
What I really can't understand is how employers feel that intruding on a nannies private quarters is justified.
Not that it is justified, but when you own the house and the nanny has free reign over the complete house, does it not seem plausible to anyone but me that the owner of the home really isn't seeing it as an invasion of privacy?
I would request to an employer for a locker, lockable closet, etc, if I really felt they were needlessly snooping and yes, it is creepy that they checked to see if the nanny left stuff and food sitting around, but maybe that is because she is not as tidy as she has let on to us.
macaroniandcheese is correct: The nanny is considered the legal resident of her personal space (whether it is just a bedroom or a separate apartment) and the employer is considered the landlord. A landlord cannot legally enter the residence without a 24 hour notice, or unless it is an emergency (dirty dishes don't count as an emergency).
Most employers probably don't know this - they think that because they own the house, all of it is theirs to do with what they will.
You should really talk to your employer - you appreciate that she wants her house to remain in good condition, but you are not comfortable with her entering your space (or letting anyone else in) without explicit permission. If she has a problem with that, tell her that you are an adult, and privacy is important to you. If even THAT doesn't work, gently tell her that she is your landlord and actually doesn't have the right to enter - and that it's important enough to you that if she can't abide by that (and since residence is included in your salary) she is free to pay rent on an apartment for you to live in.
Ok, so that's kind of strong, and even I probably wouldn't ACTUALLY say that. Still, it's true.
Oh, and you actually DO have the right to change the locks/put locks on your doors (contrary to what someone wrote). A landlord probably has the right to have her own key, however, if it came to a legal challenge between the landlord's right to a key and your right to privacy, you would absolutely win that.
So take that for whatever it's worth.
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