Nanny Regret is Rough to Carry

I went to Church for the first time in years last Sunday and all I could think about was the little girl that I was a nanny for about five years back in Mamaroneck, NY. The girl was 3 and the daughter of an alcoholic mother and drug addict father and money was used to ply her with gifts to detract from the fact that she received little or no parenting and a hell of a lot of dysfunction.

Enter me. Taking my second nanny position. I recognized the girl was sad and cried for her mother all of the time. I recognized the parents fought constantly and talked about killing each other and who was better in bed than their spouse. I think I could have made the child feel better. I could have spent more time with the child.

Instead I got caught up in the parent's craziness because it was thrilling. I accepted gifts of cash, lottery tickets, bottles of vodka, marijuana, cashmere sweaters, boots, pocketbooks, necklaces and I stuck around for ten months. In those ten months, I did a few preschool worksheets with the little girl. I took her to the park maybe twice. I took her to Friendly's quite often, but I adopted the parent's style of caregiving and it was whatever suited my first was important.

I don't know where the girl is now. She would be 15 today.  I did call Children's Services on the family when I left, but the family had too much money to be taken to task by something as pedestrian as a state agency. I know this because when I started the job Children's Services was involved. They talked with me, the nanny and toured the beach house and deduced that the report must have been that of a disgruntled employee.

Anyway., I hope if she remembers me, I hope she forgives me. I hope if other nannies find themselves in situations that can be financially prosperous and effortless for them, I hope they don't take the easy way out. I have thought of her often over the past 12 years and not once with pride for how I cared for her or allowed her to be treated.

Sometimes, a child just needs to hear, "This is not normal." or "This is not your fault."

With regret,
Ashley in California now

Any other former nannies with stories to share? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Terminated on a Lie

     I wanted your thoughts on this. Four years ago, my oldest was 7. We hired a new nanny and fired her within one month. We paid her what we owed her, no severance.

     I'll abbreviate the story, but at the core of him, my son came home and told me that the nanny while driving our car, the nanny vehicle, swerved to hit a squirrel and said "Two points". She continued the conversation by telling him that possums are the best thing to hit because they make a nice squishy sound and that even skunks are great because they won't smell until the next person. Of course, this was concerning, in addition to our son telling us that when they were out in the backyard the day before, the neighbor's cat had come over and she had told him that cats can land on their feet from great distances and threw the cat in the air a number of times to demonstrate that philosophy. Alarming. Right? When we terminated the nanny, we did not want a he said/she said, we simply said it wasn't working out and we were going to try another candidate.

Victor Tkachenko

    Yesterday, I walked in my local bank for the first time in awhile and she was there, working as a teller. I waited in line and fortunately the line worked out that I was directed to another teller. She looked at me with the strangest look. I looked away from her.

    Here's the deal, about two years ago, we started our son in therapy. A lot of behaviors he's had over the years were called in to question. The first alarming behavior was making things up and lying about others. The incident with the nanny was the beginning of a pattern we did not recognize at the time. When we terminated the nanny, I will be honest, I believed my son 100%. I thought she was a vile person. I disliked her for misrepresenting herself and causing this chaos in our house (nanny turnover, loss of work days).  I wasn't unkind when I let her go, but I wasn't nice.

    I feel like I owe her an explanation and apology. What do you think? And how would I go about that? I was thinking if I asked her to call me, she would probably not. But, I don't want a prolonged conversation at her place of business that talks about firing and mental health. Any suggestions?

Email isynblog@gmail.com with your stories, submissions and experiences.