I work for a lovely family with twin toddlers and have been with them for 13 months (since the boys were four months). MB and DB are very involved, loving, and treat me respectfully. I love my role with the boys and feel everyone values what I do. Overall, I'm very happy with this position.
There are several things that have come up for me since I started and I'm not sure how to open up communication. MB works long hours and I only see her in passing some mornings, so I'm not sure how I could schedule a time to sit down with both. We haven't had any sort of professional review and they've never corrected me in any way. I thrive on knowing what I can improve so I almost feel they are too nice/passive in this area for my liking. I fear they'll see my communication as complaining, since they never bring any issues up themselves.
The biggest issues for me is DB working from home. When I took the job I was told both parents work out of the house. DB owns a business and his hours are flexible. Over time he has started working in his home office more. Sometimes he's here until midday, sometimes gone all morning then home midday, and often he's here all day. I sincerely can't tell you the last time I worked a full day without him in the home at some point. DB will come out multiple times during the day, which upsets the boys. In a genuine attempt to help calm them down, he'll give them a food/toy/ect to distract, which completely messes up whatever I'm trying to do with them. I would much prefer him to make his entrance and exit quick and not interfere. This morning he gave twin b a huge 32 oz. container of yogurt to distract him and twin a a cup of cereal, then left. This resulted in yogurt and crunched up cereal all over the kitchen that I had to clean.
Directly related to the above, I'm paid salary. I was told the salary was based off me working 40-50 hours/week. My regular schedule being 7:30-5:30 M-F, but because of DB's schedule flexibility I could expect to leave early often. This rarely happens. If DB gets home early, he hides out in his office/mows the yard/ect. In the summer he would lay out in the pool until 5:30, which honestly really irked me. I don't mind working my set hours, nor do I feel it's any of my business what the parents choose to do while they pay me to care for the twins. I just feel like my salary needs to be reevaluated to reflect all of this. I make $600/week before taxes and take home about $1,000 bi-weekly after taxes (which includes some untaxed cash to reimburse me for outings or supplies I used those weeks).
I also have issues with DB forgetting to pay me. I just expect not to get my check without a reminder anymore. He also forgets to pay the house keeper.
The boy's grandmother will drop by at random times (yesterday she told me she'd be here at 1:00/1:30 but showed up at 11:00) and ruined nap time. Sometimes she comes by completely unannounced to both myself and the parents. I don't mind restructuring the day when I know she's coming. I just feel that I deserve a heads up and a specific time so I can plan accordingly.
I've considered leaving this position to work for a more career oriented, straight forward family. I know there are pros and cons to both, but I wish my employers communicated with me more and that the position was more professional/straight forward. Sometimes I read about nannies here never interacting with their employers, only showing up in the morning to endless Post Its, and I kind of wish my life was more like that.
Saturday
Friday
I Don't Like You !!!
From K.H.
I am a full time nanny to three very loving boys. The oldest is 4 and goes to preschool 3 days a week. He is usually loving giving me lots of hugs and kisses and begging me to live with him. But the last couple of days every time i have put him in time out he has started hitting and yelling, " I don't like you! I wish you didn't come over any more !" I know it's fairly normal for kids to say things like this but it still makes my heart hurt. I have been ignoring those comments but i was wondering if anyone else had this happen to them and what they did to combat it.
I am a full time nanny to three very loving boys. The oldest is 4 and goes to preschool 3 days a week. He is usually loving giving me lots of hugs and kisses and begging me to live with him. But the last couple of days every time i have put him in time out he has started hitting and yelling, " I don't like you! I wish you didn't come over any more !" I know it's fairly normal for kids to say things like this but it still makes my heart hurt. I have been ignoring those comments but i was wondering if anyone else had this happen to them and what they did to combat it.
Bad Nanny Sighting Upper West Side New York
Not Super Nanny at Super Soccer Stars
Date: oct 28 2015
Time: 4:20
Location : JCC 131 west 86th st 5th floor new york 10024
Hi - today, Weds, Oct 28th at Super Soccer Stars at 4:20 pm at 131 west 86th st on the 5th floor. Nanny was middle aged and heavyset and wore a blac sequined hat.
Her charge was 5 or 6, dark hair, Middle Eastern or Latino, wore soccer outfit of black top and black shorts and white long socks. Before class nanny was dressing child and took him by the shoulders and shook him violently for some infraction.
Date: oct 28 2015
Time: 4:20
Location : JCC 131 west 86th st 5th floor new york 10024
Hi - today, Weds, Oct 28th at Super Soccer Stars at 4:20 pm at 131 west 86th st on the 5th floor. Nanny was middle aged and heavyset and wore a blac sequined hat.
Her charge was 5 or 6, dark hair, Middle Eastern or Latino, wore soccer outfit of black top and black shorts and white long socks. Before class nanny was dressing child and took him by the shoulders and shook him violently for some infraction.
Nanny Generals Needed To Outline Leaving Campaign
From: K.L. : I Need To Get Away From A Bad Situation To My Real Dream Job - HELP!
The time has come for me to leave my nanny job and get out of childcare completely. It is not for me and I am totally drained from the past year working for a family that wasn't a good fit for me.
I have been unhappy in my nanny job for a while and applied for the state at a home for people with disabilities, which is what i have always enjoyed doing. Well, 4 months later I was finally offered the job! I'm ecstatic! The problem is I have to start training at the end of November, yet my current boss has a million things on her schedule for the next two months.
The biggest issue is I am supposed to be going on a cruise the last week of December with the family. I told my future employer about this and they said they would get back to me but I would not be able to go if the cruise interfered with the training schedule.
My MB is also going away the week before that and is going away this week so I can't even talk to her about it yet. (She decided to leave with her husband for a week and gave me 1 days notice that I need to stay at her house with the kids while they are gone. I am not a live-in and had no heads up.)
Anyway, my MB is very hot tempered. She breaks out in hives when things don't go her way and is totally unreasonable. I'm worried if I quit and can't go on the cruise she will try to bill me for the tickets. I can't afford that. There is nothing in my contract about this. I'm giving her about 3 weeks notice but I'm terrified. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't know what to expect but it won't be pretty.
The time has come for me to leave my nanny job and get out of childcare completely. It is not for me and I am totally drained from the past year working for a family that wasn't a good fit for me.
I have been unhappy in my nanny job for a while and applied for the state at a home for people with disabilities, which is what i have always enjoyed doing. Well, 4 months later I was finally offered the job! I'm ecstatic! The problem is I have to start training at the end of November, yet my current boss has a million things on her schedule for the next two months.
The biggest issue is I am supposed to be going on a cruise the last week of December with the family. I told my future employer about this and they said they would get back to me but I would not be able to go if the cruise interfered with the training schedule.
My MB is also going away the week before that and is going away this week so I can't even talk to her about it yet. (She decided to leave with her husband for a week and gave me 1 days notice that I need to stay at her house with the kids while they are gone. I am not a live-in and had no heads up.)
Anyway, my MB is very hot tempered. She breaks out in hives when things don't go her way and is totally unreasonable. I'm worried if I quit and can't go on the cruise she will try to bill me for the tickets. I can't afford that. There is nothing in my contract about this. I'm giving her about 3 weeks notice but I'm terrified. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't know what to expect but it won't be pretty.
Thursday
Query - What is the best age for a nanny?
I posted a dumb mistake i made as a young nanny and people were really nice about it. So- is it better to have a young nanny who is very active and down on the kids level, but may not have perfect judgement? Probably not an older nanny like the crazy one who was 60 and would not leave her room from back pain. Is it even ok to require a certain age when hiring a nanny?
Wednesday
Breaking Up Is Hard On You (But I must Escape The Jack In The Box)
SS's story reminded me of a time I felt it necessary to quit a nanny position. And it was really hard, because I had alot of mixed emotions about it. I really liked Jamie ( 2 yrs and a little older, not his real name) and he liked me, we had a mutual admiration society going on. His dad was a very intelligent lawyer and you could see the intelligence in the boy, even though he was too young to talk - he used his eyes, fingers, and sign language to actually convey complex concepts - really great kid. ( The sign language stuff people say about now is very true).
I was placed there by an agency, did not work every day.They had had several nannies before me. Here is why i felt the need to QUIT: The parents, mostly the mom would have TEMPER TANTRUMS , attack me for something - and then be ..fine..and love me and tip me even. Jamie and i adored each other.
Here are some examples: I had to learn to talk to him NON STOP when ever they were around - they wanted him to be "stimulated verbally with zero tv". I did not get it yet, I would talk to him about normal stuff like food and activities but if i stopped just to finish making his food then the mom would come after me with an angry look and say " his father wants him stimulated!!" And if we were in a different room she would hear if i was "stimulating" by the monitor ,so - i developed a way of ...just.... babbling... "oh who is the king green beanyouare the king green bean, what does big bird say tweet tweet" The kid would roll his eyes like - boy are my parents weird. He got it, my kind of kid.
This is when i learned why it's ok for a nanny to not like the parents to be around - it's not because we want to do bad , it's just in my case - the kid and i had a human being relationship when we were on our own and it was strained around the parents.
Here is another example: The little stinker-roonie, my charge, was obsessed with the TV because his dad would not let him watch it, so when I was NEW, my charge pointed with great enthusiasm at the little black and white TV in the kitchen and.. GASP...It's hard to talk about now..the shame.. I turned on the little tv for him and switched the channels around to find a kid thing. The DAD came home and saw this, they were big about coming home at odd hours, and THE LOOK, angry and said " he is not allowed to watch tv" and i explained i did not know i was sorry etc.
Fortunately the mom listened to me and took the little tv out of the kitchen because it made the child feel bad that his parents could do something he could not.
Example: After his nap he would wake up and sing and babble and then you knew he was up by the monitor. One day he woke up while i was in the bathroom, using the bathroom. The mom comes in, he had just woke up, and Jaime was happily babbling, i was in the bathroom and did not hear immediately, she rushes up the stairs SCREAMING "MY GOD MY GOD ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHERE IS HE" I was struck with fear - do i take the time to wash my hands before running to explain? yes i did. And she was fine when i explained, all ok. But being screamed at like that made my stomach hurt.
Example more: We were able to get away from his mom each day by going on a walking trek around the neighborhood and one thing Jamie loved was watching work trucks, bull-dozers, cranes and such. On the way to a fun safe area to watch the building trucks was a Randalls which gave free samples of juice and coffee.
On many days Jamie and I would relax with our treats and watch the bulldozers, he did not want me to talk he was watching the builders with the intent expression as if he was their boss. But twice his mom freaked! Of course she knew where we were and once she SPED to our outing with his RED hat ( verbal anger flying !) because she thought I had neglected to bring his hat, but i did - his identicle blue hat. After she was done screaming...she was fine.
Then another time she was worried and came to us watching the trucks and saw i had a sample coffee cup from Randalls - she did not see his little juice cup and screamed " MY GOD ARE YOU GIVING HIM COFFEE"..i explained it and she was fine.
Now - in the mom's defense, she was a good person, she was a psychotherapist (!) and would make a point of talking to me about my family and college and roomates etc in a very nice way.Really caring.
Also - when i very much goofed she was good hearted. We were putting Jamie in a stroller the make of which i was unfamiliar and i turned away and J and the stoller lurched down the driveway, there was a lock I did not understand. It scared him and he cried and if I had made that mistake near a busy street..i can't think about that! J and I were crying and the mom was a saint about it saying it was ok, don't worry, let me explain the lock!
So - this is not - I quit an evil family.
I was not comfortable because i never knew when the "Mean Jack-in-the -Box" would jump! Otherwise they were very nice people and they tipped me frequently and really cared about my choice of lunch and dinner. Also - I was a student and did not depend on nanny work for a living. I really feel for the nannies that depend on this for a living.
The way i quit is kind of banal, i gave any 22 year old excuse. "i need more study time blah blah" The mom tried to offer me more money going around the agency and i told the agency. I heard that the mom went to ALL agencies in town and no one ever fit the bill. I kept working for the agency - they were great.
I just was not able to deal with the "Jacki-In-The-Box attack. And I completely weenied out and di not tell the mom why i was quitting.
That is my story, thank you if you read!
I was placed there by an agency, did not work every day.They had had several nannies before me. Here is why i felt the need to QUIT: The parents, mostly the mom would have TEMPER TANTRUMS , attack me for something - and then be ..fine..and love me and tip me even. Jamie and i adored each other.
Here are some examples: I had to learn to talk to him NON STOP when ever they were around - they wanted him to be "stimulated verbally with zero tv". I did not get it yet, I would talk to him about normal stuff like food and activities but if i stopped just to finish making his food then the mom would come after me with an angry look and say " his father wants him stimulated!!" And if we were in a different room she would hear if i was "stimulating" by the monitor ,so - i developed a way of ...just.... babbling... "oh who is the king green beanyouare the king green bean, what does big bird say tweet tweet" The kid would roll his eyes like - boy are my parents weird. He got it, my kind of kid.
This is when i learned why it's ok for a nanny to not like the parents to be around - it's not because we want to do bad , it's just in my case - the kid and i had a human being relationship when we were on our own and it was strained around the parents.
Here is another example: The little stinker-roonie, my charge, was obsessed with the TV because his dad would not let him watch it, so when I was NEW, my charge pointed with great enthusiasm at the little black and white TV in the kitchen and.. GASP...It's hard to talk about now..the shame.. I turned on the little tv for him and switched the channels around to find a kid thing. The DAD came home and saw this, they were big about coming home at odd hours, and THE LOOK, angry and said " he is not allowed to watch tv" and i explained i did not know i was sorry etc.
Fortunately the mom listened to me and took the little tv out of the kitchen because it made the child feel bad that his parents could do something he could not.
Example: After his nap he would wake up and sing and babble and then you knew he was up by the monitor. One day he woke up while i was in the bathroom, using the bathroom. The mom comes in, he had just woke up, and Jaime was happily babbling, i was in the bathroom and did not hear immediately, she rushes up the stairs SCREAMING "MY GOD MY GOD ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHERE IS HE" I was struck with fear - do i take the time to wash my hands before running to explain? yes i did. And she was fine when i explained, all ok. But being screamed at like that made my stomach hurt.
Example more: We were able to get away from his mom each day by going on a walking trek around the neighborhood and one thing Jamie loved was watching work trucks, bull-dozers, cranes and such. On the way to a fun safe area to watch the building trucks was a Randalls which gave free samples of juice and coffee.
On many days Jamie and I would relax with our treats and watch the bulldozers, he did not want me to talk he was watching the builders with the intent expression as if he was their boss. But twice his mom freaked! Of course she knew where we were and once she SPED to our outing with his RED hat ( verbal anger flying !) because she thought I had neglected to bring his hat, but i did - his identicle blue hat. After she was done screaming...she was fine.
Then another time she was worried and came to us watching the trucks and saw i had a sample coffee cup from Randalls - she did not see his little juice cup and screamed " MY GOD ARE YOU GIVING HIM COFFEE"..i explained it and she was fine.
Now - in the mom's defense, she was a good person, she was a psychotherapist (!) and would make a point of talking to me about my family and college and roomates etc in a very nice way.Really caring.
Also - when i very much goofed she was good hearted. We were putting Jamie in a stroller the make of which i was unfamiliar and i turned away and J and the stoller lurched down the driveway, there was a lock I did not understand. It scared him and he cried and if I had made that mistake near a busy street..i can't think about that! J and I were crying and the mom was a saint about it saying it was ok, don't worry, let me explain the lock!
So - this is not - I quit an evil family.
I was not comfortable because i never knew when the "Mean Jack-in-the -Box" would jump! Otherwise they were very nice people and they tipped me frequently and really cared about my choice of lunch and dinner. Also - I was a student and did not depend on nanny work for a living. I really feel for the nannies that depend on this for a living.
The way i quit is kind of banal, i gave any 22 year old excuse. "i need more study time blah blah" The mom tried to offer me more money going around the agency and i told the agency. I heard that the mom went to ALL agencies in town and no one ever fit the bill. I kept working for the agency - they were great.
I just was not able to deal with the "Jacki-In-The-Box attack. And I completely weenied out and di not tell the mom why i was quitting.
That is my story, thank you if you read!
Tuesday
Office Manager turned Nanny? by SS4857
First, let me start by stating I am NOT a writer! Please don't expect this post to be grammatically correct. You may see run on sentences, misspelled words and wrong punctuation. So for that I apologize. Now here is my story.
About two years ago I was hired as an office manager for a small (3 person) firm at $16/hr. The owner (an acquaintance I had know about a year) had a small 4yr old child. After starting work, I quickly realized I was not really the office manager, but more a personal assistant/nanny. I was asked to stop by her home on my way into work to pick up the child and take him to school, and then pick him up if she was going to be late. When he was ill, I was to go into the office for an hour or so, then to her house to stay with the child for the remainder of the day so she could be at the office. One week, I took the child to the dr 3 times (she met me there one of those times) I had literally been at her house about 35 hours that week and not at the office. The following week she wanted to know why I did not get any office work done the previous week. Needless to say that was the beginning to the end of our working relationship. The hard part for me was I was concerned about what my leaving would do to the child as he had become like my own. (He had even spent weekends at my home when she went out of town) Thankfully, she decided to "restructure" her firm and an office manager was no longer needed. I was so relieved when she "let me go" I hugged her and said "Thank you!" and asked her to please keep in touch. She did and she still asks me to to babysit...
Just curious to know how you would have handled this situation?
Thanks for reading!
SS4857
About two years ago I was hired as an office manager for a small (3 person) firm at $16/hr. The owner (an acquaintance I had know about a year) had a small 4yr old child. After starting work, I quickly realized I was not really the office manager, but more a personal assistant/nanny. I was asked to stop by her home on my way into work to pick up the child and take him to school, and then pick him up if she was going to be late. When he was ill, I was to go into the office for an hour or so, then to her house to stay with the child for the remainder of the day so she could be at the office. One week, I took the child to the dr 3 times (she met me there one of those times) I had literally been at her house about 35 hours that week and not at the office. The following week she wanted to know why I did not get any office work done the previous week. Needless to say that was the beginning to the end of our working relationship. The hard part for me was I was concerned about what my leaving would do to the child as he had become like my own. (He had even spent weekends at my home when she went out of town) Thankfully, she decided to "restructure" her firm and an office manager was no longer needed. I was so relieved when she "let me go" I hugged her and said "Thank you!" and asked her to please keep in touch. She did and she still asks me to to babysit...
Just curious to know how you would have handled this situation?
Thanks for reading!
SS4857
The Microwave - by Marilyn Sharp
I arrived to work one morning, and to my shock and horror, it was gone!
The microwave!
I love the microwave! I will admit it! The microwave is one of my best friends! As a nanny for an infant and 2 preschoolers. It has become something that I have come to rely upon in my daily routine.
No! I do not use it when heating up the baby's bottle! I know that is unsafe and creates hot spots; and we have a bottle warmer for that.
But I do use it regularly when trying to feed two picky preschoolers (twins) who have different likes and dislikes when it comes to everything! Especially meal time!
And the morning is such a time crunch! I arrive to work at 7:30am. That gives me just about 1 hour to-
Unload the dishwasher(so there are clean dishes to eat off of), make breakfast, pack school lunches, feed and change baby and dress two squirmy preschoolers in time for preschool.
Mealtime predicament-
One wants bacon with breakfast the other wants sausage! One wants chicken noodle soup in his thermos the other wants Mac n cheese packed in her lunch box. This use to be manageable, with a microwave in the household, but now....
And I know some readers would suggest solving the problem by saying "don't give them the choice of what to have at meal time!" and if they were my own children I wouldn't, however this is something the parents do and I am expected to also do the same.
Some may recommend that I request a change in my hours to accommodate the new amount of time it will take me to make meals. However, there is no flexibility there as I commute to work daily. (Live out)
The microwave is such a help to me during my work day and to have it taken away without a thought as to how it would effect me creates one disgruntled nanny!
I thought - maybe it broke!? And we will get a replacement soon.
To my dismay this was not the case.
The explanation: A dismissive - "We are sick of the radiation."
This situation brought me back to an encounter I had in the past:
I had interviewed with quite a few families in the Portland area, one such family was upfront about having a "minimalistic" approach to life.
"We use cloth diapers and do not have a dishwashing machine nor do we use paper towels" these were the examples given during the in person interview.
More power to you "go green family!" Saving the world one hand washed dish at a time.
But, I knew right away this family was not a good fit for me. No dishwasher! No paper towels! No thank you!
Okay, I am ready....
Bring on the judgement!
I am destroying the world with every paper napkin I pack in the preschoolers lunch box, every disposable diaper I push into the Diaper Jeanie, and I am apparently slowly killing myself with radiation every time I push that,oh so missed, "30 second" button on my microwave at home.
I am not looking for advice. I will deal with it. It's not my household, nor are they my children.
Nor am I looking for judgment, but I know you ladies are just itching to lay it on, as recent content has been low on this blog, so go right ahead, I can take it.
The point is, can anyone else relate?
Have you had to deal with your families "going green" or Big changes in the household that effected your daily routine to the extreme?!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
And if this is the type of post you would like to see ladies. Speak up and give some positive feedback for a change!
The microwave!
I love the microwave! I will admit it! The microwave is one of my best friends! As a nanny for an infant and 2 preschoolers. It has become something that I have come to rely upon in my daily routine.
No! I do not use it when heating up the baby's bottle! I know that is unsafe and creates hot spots; and we have a bottle warmer for that.
But I do use it regularly when trying to feed two picky preschoolers (twins) who have different likes and dislikes when it comes to everything! Especially meal time!
And the morning is such a time crunch! I arrive to work at 7:30am. That gives me just about 1 hour to-
Unload the dishwasher(so there are clean dishes to eat off of), make breakfast, pack school lunches, feed and change baby and dress two squirmy preschoolers in time for preschool.
Mealtime predicament-
One wants bacon with breakfast the other wants sausage! One wants chicken noodle soup in his thermos the other wants Mac n cheese packed in her lunch box. This use to be manageable, with a microwave in the household, but now....
And I know some readers would suggest solving the problem by saying "don't give them the choice of what to have at meal time!" and if they were my own children I wouldn't, however this is something the parents do and I am expected to also do the same.
Some may recommend that I request a change in my hours to accommodate the new amount of time it will take me to make meals. However, there is no flexibility there as I commute to work daily. (Live out)
The microwave is such a help to me during my work day and to have it taken away without a thought as to how it would effect me creates one disgruntled nanny!
I thought - maybe it broke!? And we will get a replacement soon.
To my dismay this was not the case.
The explanation: A dismissive - "We are sick of the radiation."
This situation brought me back to an encounter I had in the past:
I had interviewed with quite a few families in the Portland area, one such family was upfront about having a "minimalistic" approach to life.
"We use cloth diapers and do not have a dishwashing machine nor do we use paper towels" these were the examples given during the in person interview.
More power to you "go green family!" Saving the world one hand washed dish at a time.
But, I knew right away this family was not a good fit for me. No dishwasher! No paper towels! No thank you!
Okay, I am ready....
Bring on the judgement!
I am destroying the world with every paper napkin I pack in the preschoolers lunch box, every disposable diaper I push into the Diaper Jeanie, and I am apparently slowly killing myself with radiation every time I push that,oh so missed, "30 second" button on my microwave at home.
I am not looking for advice. I will deal with it. It's not my household, nor are they my children.
Nor am I looking for judgment, but I know you ladies are just itching to lay it on, as recent content has been low on this blog, so go right ahead, I can take it.
The point is, can anyone else relate?
Have you had to deal with your families "going green" or Big changes in the household that effected your daily routine to the extreme?!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
And if this is the type of post you would like to see ladies. Speak up and give some positive feedback for a change!
Why I Am Leaving the Nanny Business
As my title suggests, this here is a big decision. I am feeling quite sad, but also very certain of my decision, as I write this, because I have been a nanny for 6, going on 7, years and have been close to every child I have ever nannied for, but my most recent situation sealed the deal for me that I am just not cut out for nannying anymore. I highly recommend that you go back and read my two posts on this blog that will help you understand some more details of my situation. They are Bad Cookies and Questions About Overtime Pay and Hours Banks. The rant that follows below might not make much sense if you don't have the background info ... haha.
I am leaving the nanny business. This has been a long time coming I fear, despite my love for working with children and the good memories and amazing opportunities I have had as a nanny. I am leaving for a variety of reasons. I am leaving because I have never, not once in 6 years, nannied for a family that hasn't sucked at least on some level. I know that suckiness kind of goes along with the job, but unfortunately I have just never found that dream family. I know there will never be a "perfect" job, in any career field, but I have reached my limit for how I am willing to be treated as a nanny. I no longer feel like I can put myself forward to be disrespected day in and day out. I'm tired of being texted at 11 pm about the next day's schedule. I'm tired of families who think of the nanny as the help, as someone less than a human being, whom they can take full-advantage of because they're paying me. I'm tired of families who have the attitude of "you should feel so lucky working for us because we're so rich and amazing." I cannot deal with families wanting to pay me under the table anymore. I am in my mid-twenties and have had a tiny number of jobs since I was 18 that paid me on the books. This makes it insanely difficult to prove to anyone that I have an income. I'm tired of job creep -- one day waking up to find yourself knee-deep in laundry you volunteered to do once because mom was just SO SWAMPED and now it's part of your daily duties. Like, how did I get here?? I'm tired of not being thought of as a real employee. That my time, my salary, my time off, my vacations, my sick days, are "less than" a "real" employees needs. I'm tired of hearing stories about nannies calling in sick with a horrible flu they don't want to pass on to the kids and being let go because poor MB or DB had to spend one day with their kids. I read this blog regularly, and what I see on here just disgusts me. Seriously, the way some people are treating the people who are taking care of the most precious things in their lives - their children!- is just absolutely shocking. In short, I am completely burnt out on nannying. It makes me sad because in the past when I have been on short break from nannying, I miss is sooo much and it makes new nanny jobs so wonderful. Unfortunately, that feeling never seems to last long. Maybe the kids are super messed up from an insane divorce. Maybe the parents have completely unreasonable expectations. Maybe they go out of town all the time, and while they pay you for the time they're away, as per your agreement, but when you quit they seem to think you owe them 4 straight weeks of basically unpaid work because they paid you "for doing nothing" while they were gone. (Like it was my decision for you to go on vacation???) I cannot deal with families who cannot comprehend that this is how we make our living. Hello, I'm not babysitting your children for 10 hours a day as community service. I have bills to pay. I'm tired of being unnecessarily stressed about leaving a job because it's not like leaving a "regular" job, there are children's emotions at stake here and sometimes that means staying in a job you're miserable in for their sake, when really, you just need to get out. Anyway. I could go on. Like for hours. I'm sad, miserable, burnt out, and still fuming from the most recent job I quit. (Read my past posts and you'll see why...) Anyone else feeling at the end of their limit ...?
Nanny Mea Culpa - I Know I Did Wrong
Received 10/26/2015
I was a nanny and I hire nannies. But i know nannies are not perfect and not only make mistakes, but sometimes use their position to an advantage.
In the middle 90's I had numerous customers, nanny shares etc , and I was good. I loved the kids and they loved me. I had so many requests that I had to get every friend involved . I would watch the kids non-stop with my eye-balls on them, no being on the phone, no distraction, nothing. And I entertained them non stop - stories songs etc, so - yeah, they loved me and I loved them.
So, i was about 18 years old and decided I would start a mail order company sending fun stuff to kids at summer camp. So i used my nanny jobs. All the kids went to the best schools and each family had the school directory sitting by the phone. Over a period of 2 months i copied all the names and addresses of pretty much all the families in town with money.
It worked - a little. I got many calls and sent out many fun packets to kids at camp - and made a small profit, with the parents telling me how much the kids loved my product and were big to their friends at camp.
But i realize now it was an invasion and would never and have never done it since. Even the best of nannies can make a mistake
I was a nanny and I hire nannies. But i know nannies are not perfect and not only make mistakes, but sometimes use their position to an advantage.
In the middle 90's I had numerous customers, nanny shares etc , and I was good. I loved the kids and they loved me. I had so many requests that I had to get every friend involved . I would watch the kids non-stop with my eye-balls on them, no being on the phone, no distraction, nothing. And I entertained them non stop - stories songs etc, so - yeah, they loved me and I loved them.
So, i was about 18 years old and decided I would start a mail order company sending fun stuff to kids at summer camp. So i used my nanny jobs. All the kids went to the best schools and each family had the school directory sitting by the phone. Over a period of 2 months i copied all the names and addresses of pretty much all the families in town with money.
It worked - a little. I got many calls and sent out many fun packets to kids at camp - and made a small profit, with the parents telling me how much the kids loved my product and were big to their friends at camp.
But i realize now it was an invasion and would never and have never done it since. Even the best of nannies can make a mistake
Monday
This was on ABC.com today. Interesting, your thoughts?
More Parents Are Hiring Investigators to Follow Their Nannies
Parents freaked out by the frightening stories of nannies neglecting their charges -- or worse -- are taking what some might call extreme measures when it comes to vetting caretakers for their kids.
The instances of people hiring professional investigators to spy on their kids' babysitters is "absolutely" on the rise, according to Tom Ruskin, head of CMP Group Investigations.
"We are getting more calls now than ever before," Ruskin told ABC News. "It's an extreme step. You're basically saying I don't really trust this person who is with my children and I want to know what's happening, I want to know firsthand. You have to feel comfortable with this person who is basically joining your family as an outsider."
ABC News followed a private investigator from Ruskin's firm as he trailed the potential sitter for the four-month-old baby of a new mom.
"It's very hard to find somebody you can trust," the mom, whose identity is not being revealed, told ABC News. "I'm a first-time mom, going back to work, I need to make sure I'm going to be able to concentrate at work. I don't want to worry about what's going on at home. I want to make sure I'm going to hire somebody who is responsible enough."
Ruskin assured the new mom that if the investigator spotted anything questionable, he'd be in touch immediately.
While one of Ruskin's private investigators once found a stroller left unattended on the street as the nanny shopped in a store, "nanny distraction" is actually quite common, said Ruskin. The "nanny is either talking to other nannies, texting or on the phone, not paying attention to the children," he added.
With the use of nanny cams -- and the knowledge of their existence -- so commonplace, what's going on outside the home may be most telling, said Christine Irwin, founder and moderator of the popular parenting Facebook page UES Mommas.
The page is popular for moms looking for advice on everything from organic formula to kids music classes. Another kind of posting has become increasingly popular: moms taking and posting photos of nannies or babysitters they perceive to be behaving badly.
Irwin is quick to point out, however, that "99 percent" of nannies are good ones. But she says the so-called mom spies are trying to alert other moms about "unfortunate situations" when they occur.
"I think that we're all in this for the same thing, the love of a child. [A mom] sees another child and she sees something that's wrong and she looks at her own child and she says if this was my nanny, I'd want to know about this," Irwin said.
For the mom that used CMP's services, the findings were positive. The investigator gave the sitter a perfect score.
"Once you left she began her walk, up and down the hills, was really good at crossing the street," he told the mom. "When wind blew she checked the comforter. This is someone you'd want to hire."
"There's nothing too extreme to make sure your child is safe," the mom said.
For those who can't afford a private investigator, Ruskin suggests parents leave cameras in the house on at all times. "After awhile," he said, "everyone forgets they're there and the real behavior shows through." He also suggested parents act as their own spies, showing up unannounced at places they know that child will be with the sitter, and watching for a few minutes before approaching.
His bottom line: "If your gut is telling you something is wrong, 99 percent of the time, it is."
Here is a link to the story if your interested
http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/parents-hiring-investigators-follow-nannies/story?id=34680009
"The Nanny Was Part Of Our Family... And Then She Changed...And Would Not Leave"
DIANE STRETTON VS. THE BRACAMONTES (Two Sides To a Story )
The former live in nanny to a family that says she would not leave after they fired her says she feels exploited and taken advantage of by them . " I think they're people trying to get something for nothing." Diana Stretton, who has been living in her car, told ABC News ' "20/20" about Marcella and Ralph Bracamonte. "I think they are very cheap, and I think they are trying to use people"
The Bracamontes' lawyer, Marc Cohen, says they now have the right to change the locks after Stretton vacated the property. Stretton was given a certain amount of time to collect her things, but Stretton claims this move, not sactioned by a court, would be "unlawful."
Stretton says she was in ill health and homeless when she answered Marcella and Ralph Bracamontes'ad looking for someone to help around their Upland Ca. house and with their children for ROOM AND BOARD.
"When i sleep in my car, my legs really swell up" Stretton said. "And i was having alot of trouble with my legs, so my friends said, 'Why don't you look on craigslist?' " Stretton said it seemed like a fair trade for her and the "B" family." For 20 hours a week of work, I'd get my legs up and take care of my heart condition and get to sleep in a bed," Stretton said.
"It was help out with the kids when needed, to pick up little things and to maybe prep up a little bit of dinner if mom was running late," Ralph Bracamontes told ABC News. " She was awesome," Marcella B. told ABC, Referring to Stretton when she first started the job.
But Stretton said The Bracamontes began to expect more of her and that she worked more hours than they were entitled to for the value of the room.
Ms Stretton says " I feel very exploited and very much taken advantage of. They did not know i was homeless but they knew i did not have alot. They knew it wouold be difficult for me to do something else
http://abcnews.go.com/US/live-nanny-wouldnt-leave-feels-advantage/story?id=24506318
The former live in nanny to a family that says she would not leave after they fired her says she feels exploited and taken advantage of by them . " I think they're people trying to get something for nothing." Diana Stretton, who has been living in her car, told ABC News ' "20/20" about Marcella and Ralph Bracamonte. "I think they are very cheap, and I think they are trying to use people"
The Bracamontes' lawyer, Marc Cohen, says they now have the right to change the locks after Stretton vacated the property. Stretton was given a certain amount of time to collect her things, but Stretton claims this move, not sactioned by a court, would be "unlawful."
Stretton says she was in ill health and homeless when she answered Marcella and Ralph Bracamontes'ad looking for someone to help around their Upland Ca. house and with their children for ROOM AND BOARD.
"When i sleep in my car, my legs really swell up" Stretton said. "And i was having alot of trouble with my legs, so my friends said, 'Why don't you look on craigslist?' " Stretton said it seemed like a fair trade for her and the "B" family." For 20 hours a week of work, I'd get my legs up and take care of my heart condition and get to sleep in a bed," Stretton said.
"It was help out with the kids when needed, to pick up little things and to maybe prep up a little bit of dinner if mom was running late," Ralph Bracamontes told ABC News. " She was awesome," Marcella B. told ABC, Referring to Stretton when she first started the job.
But Stretton said The Bracamontes began to expect more of her and that she worked more hours than they were entitled to for the value of the room.
Ms Stretton says " I feel very exploited and very much taken advantage of. They did not know i was homeless but they knew i did not have alot. They knew it wouold be difficult for me to do something else
http://abcnews.go.com/US/live-nanny-wouldnt-leave-feels-advantage/story?id=24506318
Sunday
Dedicated To Special Needs Nannies
(There are many nannies of special needs children who post on ISYN with awesome advice - this article is dedicated to you)
A Waiter Stands Up For A Child With Down Syndrome
A Houston waiter refused to serve a customer and did not lose his job. Michael Garcia is being celebrated for standing up for a little boy with DS, with many people coming into the restaurant to shake his hand.
One of the regulars,Kim Castillo, was at Laurenzo's Prime Rib when several waiters stopped by her table. Her 5 year old son Milo, who has DS, was showing off his new words and talking about his birthday. A family sitting near by asked to move away from the area the Castillo family were sitting in, and a man in the group made a desparaging comment about Milo.
" I heard the man say ' special needs children need to be special somewhere else' " Garcia told KPRC and reporter Shern Min Chow. " My personal feelings took over and i told him 'I'm not going to be able to serve you sir' "
Michael asked the man, "How could you say that about a beautiful 5 year old angel? "
Castillo saw the family move but did not hear the remark and was grateful when she found out what Garcia had done, especially as they were regulars also. " I was impressed that somebody would step out of their own comfort level and put their job on the line as well as to stand up for somebody else," said Milo's mom Kim, "I know Michael did it from his heart, and from reacting to the situation. I don't think he stopped and thought what he was doing."
Of the family she said, " It's sad that they are ignorant."
When the story spread Milo and Michael became world-wide examples of tolerance and the human spirit of community. Michael received many donations for THE RISE SCHOOL and turned them over at a fun party for the school
There are many nannies who are role models like Michael - SALUTE !
A Waiter Stands Up For A Child With Down Syndrome
A Houston waiter refused to serve a customer and did not lose his job. Michael Garcia is being celebrated for standing up for a little boy with DS, with many people coming into the restaurant to shake his hand.
One of the regulars,Kim Castillo, was at Laurenzo's Prime Rib when several waiters stopped by her table. Her 5 year old son Milo, who has DS, was showing off his new words and talking about his birthday. A family sitting near by asked to move away from the area the Castillo family were sitting in, and a man in the group made a desparaging comment about Milo.
" I heard the man say ' special needs children need to be special somewhere else' " Garcia told KPRC and reporter Shern Min Chow. " My personal feelings took over and i told him 'I'm not going to be able to serve you sir' "
Michael asked the man, "How could you say that about a beautiful 5 year old angel? "
Castillo saw the family move but did not hear the remark and was grateful when she found out what Garcia had done, especially as they were regulars also. " I was impressed that somebody would step out of their own comfort level and put their job on the line as well as to stand up for somebody else," said Milo's mom Kim, "I know Michael did it from his heart, and from reacting to the situation. I don't think he stopped and thought what he was doing."
Of the family she said, " It's sad that they are ignorant."
When the story spread Milo and Michael became world-wide examples of tolerance and the human spirit of community. Michael received many donations for THE RISE SCHOOL and turned them over at a fun party for the school
There are many nannies who are role models like Michael - SALUTE !
Saturday
Name Dropping on A Class Act Former Nanny
A Magical Time With Marcia Williams and Family
Circa 1992 my children's catering company worked in the Los Angeles area and of course famous people are everywhere so we - thru another agency- scored a job working with Robin Williams and his family - Zak, Zelda and Marsha ( Cody was not born yet). We worked with them 3 times at a series of events and our job was to play with and take care of the kids - my job was to watch Zelda, almost 3, and my friend Dan was assigned Zak, almost 8 and his friends.
Marcia was the family's nanny before marrying their dad and it was a bit of a story back then - but she was and is a great lady/mom.
Robin, the dad was just how you see him in movies - i was helping Zelda jump in a bouncy house and he kept saying her name in increasingly funny ways "ZELDA!" "zzEEEldddaa!" Zelda was unstoppable in the bouncer - she was determined to bounce as MANY times as possible without stopping so my work was cut out - i got her to drink water as much as possible and cajole her to stop for a few minutes. Today she is known as a successful athlete.
Zak really liked my employee Dan - yay! because Dan was an expert on riddles and so was Zak - i still use today their favorites - Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? It's too tired! What do ghosts eat for breakfast? The middle out of donuts
Marcia would personally bring us cokes and made sure to tip each one of us (four people) $100 in an envelope. She made sure we got it directly and did not send it to the agency. A magical time with a magical family!
Circa 1992 my children's catering company worked in the Los Angeles area and of course famous people are everywhere so we - thru another agency- scored a job working with Robin Williams and his family - Zak, Zelda and Marsha ( Cody was not born yet). We worked with them 3 times at a series of events and our job was to play with and take care of the kids - my job was to watch Zelda, almost 3, and my friend Dan was assigned Zak, almost 8 and his friends.
Marcia was the family's nanny before marrying their dad and it was a bit of a story back then - but she was and is a great lady/mom.
Robin, the dad was just how you see him in movies - i was helping Zelda jump in a bouncy house and he kept saying her name in increasingly funny ways "ZELDA!" "zzEEEldddaa!" Zelda was unstoppable in the bouncer - she was determined to bounce as MANY times as possible without stopping so my work was cut out - i got her to drink water as much as possible and cajole her to stop for a few minutes. Today she is known as a successful athlete.
Zak really liked my employee Dan - yay! because Dan was an expert on riddles and so was Zak - i still use today their favorites - Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? It's too tired! What do ghosts eat for breakfast? The middle out of donuts
Marcia would personally bring us cokes and made sure to tip each one of us (four people) $100 in an envelope. She made sure we got it directly and did not send it to the agency. A magical time with a magical family!
Friday
The Nanny, The Burrito and The Abandoned Ones
Or A Tale of Two Cities Meets Lord Of the Flies
It was the best of times and the worst of times,it was the age of wisdom and it was the age of foolishnes,Light and Darkness collided at the apartments near bellaire and belt 8 in southwest Houston Texas on 6/22/15 last summer bringing hope from despair to a being named "Burrito"
A kitten,who was not named Burrito yet, who loved being admired for his white and grey fluffy countenance with wispy fluffy ears and tail like cotton candy,big round eyes the color of pools of water, clear not blue - thought The Abandoned Ones were coming to play with him or admire him or even better! give him something to eat. He and his family did not have owners but the kids and families of the apt building somehow made sure he did not starve.
But oh no! The Abandoned Ones were not there to play with him,but to harm him - a crowd of them laughed as they did something VERY AWFUL which left his beautiful fluffy fur drenched and himself humiliated, but it was not over yet - his life was in danger.
Burrito tried to hide in a box - if he could not see them, he could be safe, right? But the Abandoned Ones saw and started kicking the box all around! Would Burrito ever see the light of day again?? Yes ! Hero-Nanny, Hero-Girl and Hero-Boy to the rescue!!
Hero-Nanny: I came home to find chidren kicking a box with a kitten in it, i was told they "poured" something on him and hit him with sticks, i took him home and gave him food and rinsed him with dawn soap. { the nanny describes what was on him, we will delete this in case kids read this} it took 3 baths to get rid of the smell.
Hero-Girl : There were too many boys to count - they kept hurting him and my brother -we got him away from the boys even though we were scared of them
Hero-Boy : we want to keep him even though we have 4 cats - his name is Burrito
New Mom for Burrito: "Bobbo" was in sad shape when several of us rescued him, he did smell bad and it took days to get him clean, he was sad and depressed and humiliated but now he has a great home and is king of the world.
Thursday
Valued Bloggers
We have a new old, old new, (well we will figure it out) team. We welcome all submissions in regards to child activism. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.... We want to hear from you!! Articles coming up: The Nanny, The burrito and the Abandoned Ones. Poignant former nanny famous Name Drop coming; Dont forget the Band; We love Temar Boggs; Susan (former nanny) presents Mother Gooses reading certificate; Blast from the Past... Angels watching over us.
Tuesday
File this under "A Day in the Life"
I went to Walgreens to print some pictures off my phone and couldn't get to them on the mini card, so I asked the tech for help. She pulls a stool up next to me and plops down and starts messing around, Pretty soon the screen is lit up with rows of large (4"?) thumbnails of stool.
Yes, I work for a doctor and she asks me to photograph the twin's bowel movements. That's the directory the tech pulled up. She was disgusted. I tried to explain but she looked at me like I was some sikko with a poop fetish. But seriously, I have worked here for 4 months. The twins are 9 months, why? I'm literally afraid I'm going to be fingered in some underground poop porn bust.
Aside from that, I am still recording the food that the twins eat. They started on solids at 5 months and have gradually increased without incident, but I have to write down everything they eat and how much they drink. Don't you think doing this makes the poop pictures not necessary? Does anyone else work for a doctor?
Yes, I work for a doctor and she asks me to photograph the twin's bowel movements. That's the directory the tech pulled up. She was disgusted. I tried to explain but she looked at me like I was some sikko with a poop fetish. But seriously, I have worked here for 4 months. The twins are 9 months, why? I'm literally afraid I'm going to be fingered in some underground poop porn bust.
Aside from that, I am still recording the food that the twins eat. They started on solids at 5 months and have gradually increased without incident, but I have to write down everything they eat and how much they drink. Don't you think doing this makes the poop pictures not necessary? Does anyone else work for a doctor?
Send your on the job questions and stories to isynblog@gmail..com.
Monday
Too Perfect a Gig Has Nanny Seeing Things
I think I got myself in a sticky situation.
Let's start with the beginning:
Cut to three months ago, it was warm, no leaves were falling and I was at my favorite NYC park with my three year old charge. I met a woman who was super complimentary about my style of nannying. She was accompanying her friend to the park with twins but had no child of her own, yet clearly pregnant.
She asked for my number. The next day she texted me and said she was nervous as a first time mom and wanted to find the right fit for her first child, could she take me to lunch? We ended up having lunch on that Saturday. She schmoozed and charmed me. She offered me a better salary, better hours and a job. On Sunday, I met her husband and saw the apartment.
She offered me some exceptional perks to leave my job, including in addition to a salary of $950 for 43 hours, on the books, she offered 1K cash, off the books to help me find an apartment not too far away. I really liked the job I had, although the hours were long, the pay not as good and it was live in, so I did jump, but insisted to give my current employers notice. I thought that would not be an issue since she was not due until Oct. 5.
My previous employers got very angry at me, let me go with no notice. Told me I was causing irreversible psychological damage to their children and I was selfish. With no job, I told the new employer and she said, "no problem, we'll start you now so we can get used to you and you can help me with baby projects".
So only 6 days after meeting her, I went to work for her. She was as nice in person as during the interview. Fairly laid back. She asked for my ideas about setting up things in the nursery, not furniture, but diapers, lotions, special lights, etc. I washed and folded baby clothes. We went shopping for a second and a third stroller. I got the key to their apartment, got to know the doorman, spent a minimal amount of time with the husband. The baby came Sept. 23 which was early. I was with her, I called her husband, he came and got her. It seemed to be very smooth. She was home the next day, and I met the new baby.
The job seems pretty easy and a good fit for the most part. If anything, I do not do much at all except keep bottles cleaned and organized, schlep bottled water from the store, heat things, wash things, change the baby occasionally, I've accompanied her out to one appointment. This lady seems not to care one bit that I read books and magazines all day. The first weekend, she did ask me to work and so I came Saturday. They let me go at 4 and asked me if I could come back for a few hours around noon. I came back at noon. The father went for a run, the mother took a long bath. I straightened up, restocked supplies. Before two, I was dismissed and given $400 cash for the weekend. (Not even 8 hours).
Now that I have settled, I do notice some things that are perplexing, maybe even worrying. First of all, the last thing I do at night is feed the baby between 5-6 while she is making dinner. Her husband comes home, usually takes the baby from me and I am off. She seems like a really good mom, but she'll say something off the wall sometimes, like, ""her diaper was soaked through again in the morning. I think we're feeding her too much at her midnight feeding". I didn't question her, but why would a baby of that age sleep from midnight until 6AM?
She also has a network of mirrors set up off this window by an alcove outside her bedroom and it direct sunlight to a carpeted area. She said she wants to make sure I do tummy time with the baby there. But the baby looks the wrong way, she will get sunlight blasted in her eye. (This has not started yet. This area was set up for the mom who keeps to herself, doesn't go out much and literally lays on the carpet and takes a rest at some point during the day).
Then there are things like tooth brushing. Even though it's gum brushing, the baby is not even a month old. Isn't this too soon? There are some smaller things to, like, they keep a fastidious house and the baby doesn't move much, but she will just set the baby wherever she is on the ground. I am a bit intimidated by her so it is hard to question her, but this I did. She responded that baby seats are entrapment devices and not normal for a child to bind her spine too. She believes that the baby should be able to have free range and move. She has a really awesome hammock swing that the baby swings in, but it is not a baby swing. And the mom does a lot of physical exercise and yet she keeps the baby with her all the time, so I have seen her literally hold the baby up for stomach crunches. Is she just bonding and fitting her life to the babies? Or is that dangerous for the baby's neck?
The baby seems happy. She rarely cries. My nanny friends tell me to relax and enjoy this because it's a nice gig. Even though it doesn't seem like much, I feel like I don't do enough. For example, if she is looking at recipes online and puts the baby down on the floor, my inclination is to pick the baby up, but she doesn't want me to. She also hinted that she hoped to be pregnant with her next child by New Year's, so that might explain why she wants me around. I feel kind of like an idiot sometimes. I did suggest she consider baby wearing and she looked at me like I had three heads. She said that was a convenience for moms who werent committed to their children and that she would seek opportunities throughout the day to hold, carry, lay with, the baby. (true).
Let's start with the beginning:
Cut to three months ago, it was warm, no leaves were falling and I was at my favorite NYC park with my three year old charge. I met a woman who was super complimentary about my style of nannying. She was accompanying her friend to the park with twins but had no child of her own, yet clearly pregnant.
She asked for my number. The next day she texted me and said she was nervous as a first time mom and wanted to find the right fit for her first child, could she take me to lunch? We ended up having lunch on that Saturday. She schmoozed and charmed me. She offered me a better salary, better hours and a job. On Sunday, I met her husband and saw the apartment.
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| Trevor Allen Photography |
She offered me some exceptional perks to leave my job, including in addition to a salary of $950 for 43 hours, on the books, she offered 1K cash, off the books to help me find an apartment not too far away. I really liked the job I had, although the hours were long, the pay not as good and it was live in, so I did jump, but insisted to give my current employers notice. I thought that would not be an issue since she was not due until Oct. 5.
My previous employers got very angry at me, let me go with no notice. Told me I was causing irreversible psychological damage to their children and I was selfish. With no job, I told the new employer and she said, "no problem, we'll start you now so we can get used to you and you can help me with baby projects".
So only 6 days after meeting her, I went to work for her. She was as nice in person as during the interview. Fairly laid back. She asked for my ideas about setting up things in the nursery, not furniture, but diapers, lotions, special lights, etc. I washed and folded baby clothes. We went shopping for a second and a third stroller. I got the key to their apartment, got to know the doorman, spent a minimal amount of time with the husband. The baby came Sept. 23 which was early. I was with her, I called her husband, he came and got her. It seemed to be very smooth. She was home the next day, and I met the new baby.
The job seems pretty easy and a good fit for the most part. If anything, I do not do much at all except keep bottles cleaned and organized, schlep bottled water from the store, heat things, wash things, change the baby occasionally, I've accompanied her out to one appointment. This lady seems not to care one bit that I read books and magazines all day. The first weekend, she did ask me to work and so I came Saturday. They let me go at 4 and asked me if I could come back for a few hours around noon. I came back at noon. The father went for a run, the mother took a long bath. I straightened up, restocked supplies. Before two, I was dismissed and given $400 cash for the weekend. (Not even 8 hours).
Now that I have settled, I do notice some things that are perplexing, maybe even worrying. First of all, the last thing I do at night is feed the baby between 5-6 while she is making dinner. Her husband comes home, usually takes the baby from me and I am off. She seems like a really good mom, but she'll say something off the wall sometimes, like, ""her diaper was soaked through again in the morning. I think we're feeding her too much at her midnight feeding". I didn't question her, but why would a baby of that age sleep from midnight until 6AM?
She also has a network of mirrors set up off this window by an alcove outside her bedroom and it direct sunlight to a carpeted area. She said she wants to make sure I do tummy time with the baby there. But the baby looks the wrong way, she will get sunlight blasted in her eye. (This has not started yet. This area was set up for the mom who keeps to herself, doesn't go out much and literally lays on the carpet and takes a rest at some point during the day).
Then there are things like tooth brushing. Even though it's gum brushing, the baby is not even a month old. Isn't this too soon? There are some smaller things to, like, they keep a fastidious house and the baby doesn't move much, but she will just set the baby wherever she is on the ground. I am a bit intimidated by her so it is hard to question her, but this I did. She responded that baby seats are entrapment devices and not normal for a child to bind her spine too. She believes that the baby should be able to have free range and move. She has a really awesome hammock swing that the baby swings in, but it is not a baby swing. And the mom does a lot of physical exercise and yet she keeps the baby with her all the time, so I have seen her literally hold the baby up for stomach crunches. Is she just bonding and fitting her life to the babies? Or is that dangerous for the baby's neck?
The baby seems happy. She rarely cries. My nanny friends tell me to relax and enjoy this because it's a nice gig. Even though it doesn't seem like much, I feel like I don't do enough. For example, if she is looking at recipes online and puts the baby down on the floor, my inclination is to pick the baby up, but she doesn't want me to. She also hinted that she hoped to be pregnant with her next child by New Year's, so that might explain why she wants me around. I feel kind of like an idiot sometimes. I did suggest she consider baby wearing and she looked at me like I had three heads. She said that was a convenience for moms who werent committed to their children and that she would seek opportunities throughout the day to hold, carry, lay with, the baby. (true).
Good Nanny Sighting in Houston Texas
Date: Oct 19th 2015
Time - app 2pm
Location : Kroger on Buffalo Spdway in Houston Texas, bakery dept
Nanny: Kristen B
Child: Brayden, app 6 yrs
Kristen was responsible for buying 1 million cup cakes ( not quite that many lol) for a party involving more than one of her charges - she had Brayden with her, and he was fascinated with the weekly " mother goose " activities in the bakery section. She very patiently let him do the painting and activities even though they were in a hurry " just one more!" several times, she especially liked it when he was showing his story time and singing knowledge! She loved showing how proud she was at how outgoing he is. In the picture he is singing "itsy bitsy spider"
I told her all about this site and she assured me she has the mothers permission for this submission and picture. Thank you isyn for all you do to encourage the welfare of kids.
Time - app 2pm
Location : Kroger on Buffalo Spdway in Houston Texas, bakery dept
Nanny: Kristen B
Child: Brayden, app 6 yrs
I told her all about this site and she assured me she has the mothers permission for this submission and picture. Thank you isyn for all you do to encourage the welfare of kids.
Send your nanny sighting to isynblog@gmail.com.
Friday
It's Not Hard To Guess Why She's Leaving!
Email isynblog@gmail.com with your quandary.
When To Tell
The other issue is that they cut my hours from 50 to 20 when the boys started pre school in September I picked up another part time nanny job but I'm still really not making enough to pay my bills. I think I need one full time job instead of two part time jobs. I am actively looking for a new full time job and have secured two interviews. My question is when should I tell the families I work for in looking for a new job? I would still give them two weeks notice but j would like to write them down as references and give them plenty of time to find a new nanny.
Employment question? Email isynblog@gmail.com.
Thursday
Home Birth
written by Rebecca Nelson Lubin
I had been holed up with the three year old for hours in the den, Disney movies on repeat, the day of her sister’s birth, when her mother’s contractions had quickened enough to summon the team of midwives. We had been lazily timing them all the day before, my boss announcing, “Another squeeze,” as she bustled about her house, wearing one of her daughter’s flower garlands to keep her hair out of her eyes as she frantically tidied up. I had heard those tales of the expectant mother’s need to nest as labor drew close, but I had never witnessed it. It was practically comical. She looked, with the flowers in her hair, almost like a child, except for her protruding stomach, and she smiled beatifically as she passed by me again and again, arms full of toys and sweaters and shoes.
“Can I help?” I asked her.
“Just keep writing down the time,” she said, and paused, inhaling deeply.
“Squeeze.” She said.
She looked angelic with the garland of flowers on her head, and she seemed deeply at peace.
Twenty-four hours later, as I snuck down from the den to the kitchen for a snack for the three year old, I could hear her weeping in the back room with the midwives, and even though I knew it was from the pain, it sounded like the bitter grief of the deepest sort of mourning. I could hear the soft murmurs of encouragement from the midwives, a muted hum under the sound of her tears, and I stood frozen for a moment, lost in the sounds, feeling like a trespasser, but unable to walk away. The sounds were so deeply personal, so intimate, and for a second I caught that feeling that I was stumbling into the soundtrack of someone else’s life. It was not for my ears, yet here I was listening to it, transfixed, unable to tear myself away.
When you are a nanny you are a part of someone else’s life but not of it. You bear witness to their moments, and you feel for these moments, but they are not your moments. You witness birthdays, and Christmases, and graduations, and arguments, a million little snippets of life. But this is not your movie.
When her labor reached that transitional state, the three year old and I were sent away to the park. I gamely climbed after her the play structure and down the slides, all the while wondering what was happening at home, as was she.
“When will there be the baby?” She kept asking me.
I thought of how painful her mother’s weeping had sounded just before we were sent away and I assured her, “Very soon.”
We were summoned back within the hour, her father calling my cell and saying, “Better get back up here in a heartbeat,” with so much urgency, that I thought perhaps they had decided that their older daughter could be present for the birth.
But when we arrived and tiptoed cautiously through the front door, and her mother called out to her older daughter to come and see her sister, I could hear the coos of a baby, little sighs and gurgles, and I marveled at the miracle of a being that could make such audible noises, after only being out in the world for a few minutes.
Their oldest ran to meet their youngest, and the cooing sounds that had replaced the weeping sounds were now replaced by laughing sounds, as they spent their first few moments as a family of four. I slipped quietly off to the dining room table, and sat off to the side, trying to be respectfully quiet and unobtrusive in this extremely personal and private moment. Again, I was swept up in that sensation of being in someone else’s movie.
I could hear the midwives offering instructions for some afterbirth interaction, and asking for a little space, and then the father walked quietly through the living room, his minutes old daughter in his arms, swaying his elbows lightly, rocking her with in a calm and reserved manner. His eyes caught mine where I was sitting off to the side, and he nodded at me, and then glanced down at the baby in his arms and sighed, and then said, almost Shaman like, “And so it all begins again.”
That sentence stayed with me for years. And so it all begins again. I wondered at the time if he meant all of the stuff of the work of infanthood and parenting, that if as he held his second daughter he was remembering the burping and the diapering of the first, the walking and the bouncing the baby through colic and gas, the sharpening focus of sleepy infant eyes, the first tentative smiles and coos, the relentless crying. But as time went on, I wondered if he had been speaking in a more spiritual sense. Perhaps he was talking about the soul in the little body he was carrying, that her soul was beginning again. I had heard him sing from time to time about souls coming in and souls going out and the cycles in which they spin around each other. I suppose it would not take much more than holding your spring fresh newborn in your arms to consider the notions of life and death and the wonderful dance that these two opposite ends of the spectrum tend to do with each other, often in a most spectacular display. Over time, I decided, he had been talking about life. He had looked down at the little life he had helped create, curled into the crook of his arm, and had wondered at it all beginning again.
As a nanny, I have gotten to witness a lot of life. I get to walk along with you in your life for a spell, sometimes for years, sometimes just for a few moments, but I get to bear witness to your moments. I become familiar with the soundtrack of the songs of your life. I watch your movies and soon I know all the scenes by heart. I find my self celebrating your joys, and feeling empathy for your pain. And I wonder at how all of it is such a wonderful ride.
Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a nanny and writer who resides in Marin County, California. You can follow her writing at rebeccanelsonlubin.wordpress.com. If you would like to share a story, please email isynblog@gmail.com.
I had been holed up with the three year old for hours in the den, Disney movies on repeat, the day of her sister’s birth, when her mother’s contractions had quickened enough to summon the team of midwives. We had been lazily timing them all the day before, my boss announcing, “Another squeeze,” as she bustled about her house, wearing one of her daughter’s flower garlands to keep her hair out of her eyes as she frantically tidied up. I had heard those tales of the expectant mother’s need to nest as labor drew close, but I had never witnessed it. It was practically comical. She looked, with the flowers in her hair, almost like a child, except for her protruding stomach, and she smiled beatifically as she passed by me again and again, arms full of toys and sweaters and shoes.
“Can I help?” I asked her.
“Just keep writing down the time,” she said, and paused, inhaling deeply.
“Squeeze.” She said.
She looked angelic with the garland of flowers on her head, and she seemed deeply at peace.
Twenty-four hours later, as I snuck down from the den to the kitchen for a snack for the three year old, I could hear her weeping in the back room with the midwives, and even though I knew it was from the pain, it sounded like the bitter grief of the deepest sort of mourning. I could hear the soft murmurs of encouragement from the midwives, a muted hum under the sound of her tears, and I stood frozen for a moment, lost in the sounds, feeling like a trespasser, but unable to walk away. The sounds were so deeply personal, so intimate, and for a second I caught that feeling that I was stumbling into the soundtrack of someone else’s life. It was not for my ears, yet here I was listening to it, transfixed, unable to tear myself away.
When you are a nanny you are a part of someone else’s life but not of it. You bear witness to their moments, and you feel for these moments, but they are not your moments. You witness birthdays, and Christmases, and graduations, and arguments, a million little snippets of life. But this is not your movie.
When her labor reached that transitional state, the three year old and I were sent away to the park. I gamely climbed after her the play structure and down the slides, all the while wondering what was happening at home, as was she.
“When will there be the baby?” She kept asking me.
I thought of how painful her mother’s weeping had sounded just before we were sent away and I assured her, “Very soon.”
We were summoned back within the hour, her father calling my cell and saying, “Better get back up here in a heartbeat,” with so much urgency, that I thought perhaps they had decided that their older daughter could be present for the birth.
But when we arrived and tiptoed cautiously through the front door, and her mother called out to her older daughter to come and see her sister, I could hear the coos of a baby, little sighs and gurgles, and I marveled at the miracle of a being that could make such audible noises, after only being out in the world for a few minutes.
Their oldest ran to meet their youngest, and the cooing sounds that had replaced the weeping sounds were now replaced by laughing sounds, as they spent their first few moments as a family of four. I slipped quietly off to the dining room table, and sat off to the side, trying to be respectfully quiet and unobtrusive in this extremely personal and private moment. Again, I was swept up in that sensation of being in someone else’s movie.
I could hear the midwives offering instructions for some afterbirth interaction, and asking for a little space, and then the father walked quietly through the living room, his minutes old daughter in his arms, swaying his elbows lightly, rocking her with in a calm and reserved manner. His eyes caught mine where I was sitting off to the side, and he nodded at me, and then glanced down at the baby in his arms and sighed, and then said, almost Shaman like, “And so it all begins again.”
That sentence stayed with me for years. And so it all begins again. I wondered at the time if he meant all of the stuff of the work of infanthood and parenting, that if as he held his second daughter he was remembering the burping and the diapering of the first, the walking and the bouncing the baby through colic and gas, the sharpening focus of sleepy infant eyes, the first tentative smiles and coos, the relentless crying. But as time went on, I wondered if he had been speaking in a more spiritual sense. Perhaps he was talking about the soul in the little body he was carrying, that her soul was beginning again. I had heard him sing from time to time about souls coming in and souls going out and the cycles in which they spin around each other. I suppose it would not take much more than holding your spring fresh newborn in your arms to consider the notions of life and death and the wonderful dance that these two opposite ends of the spectrum tend to do with each other, often in a most spectacular display. Over time, I decided, he had been talking about life. He had looked down at the little life he had helped create, curled into the crook of his arm, and had wondered at it all beginning again.
As a nanny, I have gotten to witness a lot of life. I get to walk along with you in your life for a spell, sometimes for years, sometimes just for a few moments, but I get to bear witness to your moments. I become familiar with the soundtrack of the songs of your life. I watch your movies and soon I know all the scenes by heart. I find my self celebrating your joys, and feeling empathy for your pain. And I wonder at how all of it is such a wonderful ride.
Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a nanny and writer who resides in Marin County, California. You can follow her writing at rebeccanelsonlubin.wordpress.com. If you would like to share a story, please email isynblog@gmail.com.
Cabin John Dog Park, MD Your daughter fell and hit her head on concrete
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| I SAW YOUR NANNY |
Have you seen something? Email isynblog@gmail.com.
Tuesday
Hairy Situation
Problem on the job? Email isynblog@gmail.com.
A Fee Most Reasonable
In addition to a nanny placement, I also have a babysitting service as well. That is $50/year with assorted fees, mainly $10 each time a family needs a sitter or they can purchase a referral package of 7 referrals at $49 and 15 referrals at $84. I keep track of the referrals using a calendar and notify families when they are running low, with the option of renewing whenever they wish.
As I read through the email, I thought about my fees and I justify charging the $300 search fee, but the normal part time fee of $900 is unjustified, in my opinion. If I charge her the on call fee of $25 per week, I would make $100/month, depending on the length of the position. If I offered a referral package of 15 referrals at $84, and she used 4 packages, that would be $336 over a course of 4 months (I used 4 months because it was easier to multiply by 15 and closer to 52 weeks) which would total 60 referrals over a year that she could use for additional days and/or date night babysitting. I believe this is reasonable, and her first fee would be $384, consisting of the $300 non-refundable search fee and her first referral package, with her other referral packages paid throughout the year. This would be treated as a nanny position, only with the babysitting service fees, if that makes sense.
What does everyone think? Suggestions please
Good Nanny Sighting at Target in Fitchburg, WI
The children: Boy, 12-18 months old, striped shirt and gray pants. Girl, 2-3 years old, two toned purple shirt and jeans.
Nanny: Short, plus sized with blond and red hair. White shirt with purple sleeves, jeans and Coach bag.
Location: Target, Fitchburg, WI
Date/Time: 10/11, 1215p
Observed: The older child had an apparent test of will by sitting down in an aisle, refusing to get up and follow the nanny. I have seen other nannies and parents handle similar situations with less tact and sense. This child was being a typical preschooler, testing limits, and nanny was wonderful. Another test of will was in the parking lot (I was parked in the same row as nanny and I was loading my car). The child was holding nanny's hand and decided to let go of her hand and sit in the parking lot. Nanny tried to take the child's hand, but child refused. Nanny must have given a warning which didn't work, because she then picked up the child who was upset and in a calm tone stated she did not like the listening and that sitting in the parking lot was not a safe choice. Overall a fantastic nanny, and the family who employs her is lucky to have her.
Send your sightings to isynblog@gmail.com.
Nanny: Short, plus sized with blond and red hair. White shirt with purple sleeves, jeans and Coach bag.
Location: Target, Fitchburg, WI
Date/Time: 10/11, 1215p
Observed: The older child had an apparent test of will by sitting down in an aisle, refusing to get up and follow the nanny. I have seen other nannies and parents handle similar situations with less tact and sense. This child was being a typical preschooler, testing limits, and nanny was wonderful. Another test of will was in the parking lot (I was parked in the same row as nanny and I was loading my car). The child was holding nanny's hand and decided to let go of her hand and sit in the parking lot. Nanny tried to take the child's hand, but child refused. Nanny must have given a warning which didn't work, because she then picked up the child who was upset and in a calm tone stated she did not like the listening and that sitting in the parking lot was not a safe choice. Overall a fantastic nanny, and the family who employs her is lucky to have her.
Send your sightings to isynblog@gmail.com.
Email isynblog@gmail.com to discuss your job (and nanny) likes and dislikes.
Free Overnights!
I have had this issue before with a family who agreed to a set weekly rate but wanted to do an "hours bank", they could put "extra hours" that I was paid for but didn't work (like if they came home early) that they could use for date nights or weekend hours. This is clearly ridiculous, right? In regards to my current situation, I don't feel like doing 5 overnights in a row is a fair balance for getting paid my normal rate while they're out of town. The way I see it, you pay me my agreed upon rate regardless if you are here or not, plus an additional rate for overnights and weekends. What do you guys do? Have you had this problem? Unfortunately, the details of overnights and such were not agreed upon at the time of hiring. They just kind of assumed..
Email isynblog@gmail.com.
Monday
"Really I'm Mostly Normal About Everything Else"
I am a nanny for four years with one family. we live in the north east of the United States. There are four children in the family and most most of my job responsibilities are House related so I'm more of a personal assistant.
I have the strangest problem though. starting this time of the year the kids start drink dragging leave it on there too. before that even ends they start with the snow boots in the snow everywhere. the family has a housekeeper that works 5 days a week every morning from 8 to 12.
I have become obsessed with having the shoes are completely organized. I get frustrated every time I see a leaf in the house or shoe dirty debris or even the shoes arranged cattywampus. When little piles of snow start melting here in the corner and even on the boot tray I start to freak out. I am totally distracted by this to the point where I find myself going to check on the mat multiple times per hour. I grew up in California so I know the snow and leaves thing is new to me, but I've been out here for 6 years. does anyone else have the same compulsion with the leaves in snow that I do?
I seriously have to work very hard not to mad every person in the home about the other about their shoes. the housekeeper hates me because I always have her do the door right before she leaves. I don't find that there are many other things that I'm anal about that I wonder if this is a result of taking care of someone else's home.
I'm looking for feedback from other professionals who find themselves dealing with trying. Really, I'm mostly normal about everything else. But in my defense, my employers have kept me on long past needing a nanny so they walk into what looks like a show home. If there is crap anywhere, I am the one who has dropped the ball.
I have the strangest problem though. starting this time of the year the kids start drink dragging leave it on there too. before that even ends they start with the snow boots in the snow everywhere. the family has a housekeeper that works 5 days a week every morning from 8 to 12.
I have become obsessed with having the shoes are completely organized. I get frustrated every time I see a leaf in the house or shoe dirty debris or even the shoes arranged cattywampus. When little piles of snow start melting here in the corner and even on the boot tray I start to freak out. I am totally distracted by this to the point where I find myself going to check on the mat multiple times per hour. I grew up in California so I know the snow and leaves thing is new to me, but I've been out here for 6 years. does anyone else have the same compulsion with the leaves in snow that I do?
I seriously have to work very hard not to mad every person in the home about the other about their shoes. the housekeeper hates me because I always have her do the door right before she leaves. I don't find that there are many other things that I'm anal about that I wonder if this is a result of taking care of someone else's home.
I'm looking for feedback from other professionals who find themselves dealing with trying. Really, I'm mostly normal about everything else. But in my defense, my employers have kept me on long past needing a nanny so they walk into what looks like a show home. If there is crap anywhere, I am the one who has dropped the ball.
Something driving you to the brink of madness? Email isynblog@gmail.com.
Bad Cookies
I am re-writing an old submission that I originally chickened out in sending, and adding new events to a very troublesome position I am in. I am working for a family with extreme family drama which is the reason I am quitting. Before going on, keep in mind that I am actively looking for a new position, what I need advice on most is how to quit.
I suspect the 12 yo I am watching of sneaking into parents liquor. There are 3 times I highly have suspected she has been drinking but cannot confirm. The 12 yo also makes snarky comments about "I'm only like that when I drink" and then when I confront her about it, she denies it saying, "No of course not!!" I do not expect her to come clean to me, but I cannot tell if she is telling the truth or not. She has a history of "lying" about serious issues that, to my knowledge, have never been confirmed, e.g., eating disorders, fake boyfriends, hacking into her crush's social media accounts, etc. Because of dishonest history, I have no said anything.
Step MB works from home and is passive-aggressive to the max, leaving notes everywhere, about everything. If a few crumbs are left on the counter, we'll come home to a note that says: CRUMBS??? In all caps with little arrows pointing to all the different crumbs.
Both charges have accused step MB of extreme verbal abuse. I won't detail here, but it is very worrisome. Both claim DB has knowledge of and has witnessed verbal abuse. Again, older sibling has a history of being dishonest and younger sibling can easily be coerced into doing what older sibling wants. However, older sibling has detailed to her therapist the claims of verbal abuse, so she is either lying to more and more people about something very serious, or hoping someone will do something!
Both charges recently moved to DB's house because of severe issues with biological mother and have many, many issues because of it. I do not know the whole story because I have not witnessed any of this behavior so I do not feel responsible for reporting it, but it involves prescription drug abuse and severe neglect of the children.
When DB and step MB were away on vacation, I was staying with both charges. On last day of the trip, biological mom shows up to the house from out of state and tries to do a child exchange with the police without DB's knowledge (basically kidnapping the kids). It was severely traumatic for both of them (AND ME) and resulted in my having to keep out of school for the day and leave the neighborhood because biological mom is very unstable and was hanging around the neighborhood all day and I couldn't risk her trying to check them out of school. I spent all day long trying to keep their mind off the event and was on the clock until 1 AM when DB finally got back in town.
I have worked in many, many difficult situations over 6 years of being a nanny but this takes the cake. My relationship with the kids is disintegrating fast because I cannot emotionally handle the baggage brought into the home on an almost daily basis. The problems I've touched on here are barely a drop in the bucket; I haven't even brought up how DB asks me on an almost weekly basis to stay late or will just arrive home late without notice; ask me to work on weekends, work multiple over nights, etc. etc. I also want to add that both parents have told me that there are no cameras (when I asked if they had them) and I found out later from the kids that they do indeed have cameras, yet to be truly confirmed.
However, the most recent event is one that concerns and effects me personally. Both girls were extremely overweight when they moved here and it has been a long road to getting them to lose weight. As a result, snacks are portioned out into snack baggies and each kid is allowed 1-2 per day, as well as fruits and veggies. I eat maybe 1-2 of these snack baggies a week myself. Most recently, cookies were added to the regular snack rotation. I ate 1-2 baggies of 3 cookies over the course of a few weeks. One day I go into work to see a snack bag of cookies labeled with my name on it. Now, I know that this is most likely to keep track of what the kids are eating, and not to mirco manage what I am eating. However, I was pretty insulted at having a snack bag labeled with my name, thereby communicating to me that that is my ONE portion. I left those cookies alone for almost two weeks, and then ate them today because I had rushed to work from my class and had skipped lunch. Do you know what those cookies tasted like when I ate them? Soap. They tasted like soap. No one else has complained of the cookies tasting like soap. The reason I am suspicious is because it was in a labeled bag, with my name on it. If it was a regular, unlabeled bag, I wouldn't have thought twice about it and thrown them away. Again, no one else has complained of soap-y cookies and if these are the same cookies I was eating a few weeks ago, they are markedly different in that prior cookies eaten by moi did not taste like soap. I am reserving the right to admit in the future that I could potentially be blowing this way out of proportion. But given the instability of almost everyone in the family, I don't think this is "nothing." There was obviously soap in the cookies in my bag when there was not soap before. The taste of soap is unmistakeable. The only question is how it got in there, and by whom. What scenario would warrant an accidental adage of soap to packaged (not homemade) cookies in a brand new, not reused, snack baggie? Can anyone help me theorize a situation? It could 100% have been an accident. But again, no one else said anything about the taste.
How to quit: I can pretend like nothing is wrong (like I've done this entire time) and give my two weeks, saying I got another offer somewhere. Or, I leave after pay day one Friday, terminating effective immediately. I'm not sure the best course of action at this point, but I need to get out of there for my own sanity. Please advise.
Please send your submissions to isynblog@gmail.com.
I suspect the 12 yo I am watching of sneaking into parents liquor. There are 3 times I highly have suspected she has been drinking but cannot confirm. The 12 yo also makes snarky comments about "I'm only like that when I drink" and then when I confront her about it, she denies it saying, "No of course not!!" I do not expect her to come clean to me, but I cannot tell if she is telling the truth or not. She has a history of "lying" about serious issues that, to my knowledge, have never been confirmed, e.g., eating disorders, fake boyfriends, hacking into her crush's social media accounts, etc. Because of dishonest history, I have no said anything.
Step MB works from home and is passive-aggressive to the max, leaving notes everywhere, about everything. If a few crumbs are left on the counter, we'll come home to a note that says: CRUMBS??? In all caps with little arrows pointing to all the different crumbs.
Both charges have accused step MB of extreme verbal abuse. I won't detail here, but it is very worrisome. Both claim DB has knowledge of and has witnessed verbal abuse. Again, older sibling has a history of being dishonest and younger sibling can easily be coerced into doing what older sibling wants. However, older sibling has detailed to her therapist the claims of verbal abuse, so she is either lying to more and more people about something very serious, or hoping someone will do something!
Both charges recently moved to DB's house because of severe issues with biological mother and have many, many issues because of it. I do not know the whole story because I have not witnessed any of this behavior so I do not feel responsible for reporting it, but it involves prescription drug abuse and severe neglect of the children.
When DB and step MB were away on vacation, I was staying with both charges. On last day of the trip, biological mom shows up to the house from out of state and tries to do a child exchange with the police without DB's knowledge (basically kidnapping the kids). It was severely traumatic for both of them (AND ME) and resulted in my having to keep out of school for the day and leave the neighborhood because biological mom is very unstable and was hanging around the neighborhood all day and I couldn't risk her trying to check them out of school. I spent all day long trying to keep their mind off the event and was on the clock until 1 AM when DB finally got back in town.
I have worked in many, many difficult situations over 6 years of being a nanny but this takes the cake. My relationship with the kids is disintegrating fast because I cannot emotionally handle the baggage brought into the home on an almost daily basis. The problems I've touched on here are barely a drop in the bucket; I haven't even brought up how DB asks me on an almost weekly basis to stay late or will just arrive home late without notice; ask me to work on weekends, work multiple over nights, etc. etc. I also want to add that both parents have told me that there are no cameras (when I asked if they had them) and I found out later from the kids that they do indeed have cameras, yet to be truly confirmed.
However, the most recent event is one that concerns and effects me personally. Both girls were extremely overweight when they moved here and it has been a long road to getting them to lose weight. As a result, snacks are portioned out into snack baggies and each kid is allowed 1-2 per day, as well as fruits and veggies. I eat maybe 1-2 of these snack baggies a week myself. Most recently, cookies were added to the regular snack rotation. I ate 1-2 baggies of 3 cookies over the course of a few weeks. One day I go into work to see a snack bag of cookies labeled with my name on it. Now, I know that this is most likely to keep track of what the kids are eating, and not to mirco manage what I am eating. However, I was pretty insulted at having a snack bag labeled with my name, thereby communicating to me that that is my ONE portion. I left those cookies alone for almost two weeks, and then ate them today because I had rushed to work from my class and had skipped lunch. Do you know what those cookies tasted like when I ate them? Soap. They tasted like soap. No one else has complained of the cookies tasting like soap. The reason I am suspicious is because it was in a labeled bag, with my name on it. If it was a regular, unlabeled bag, I wouldn't have thought twice about it and thrown them away. Again, no one else has complained of soap-y cookies and if these are the same cookies I was eating a few weeks ago, they are markedly different in that prior cookies eaten by moi did not taste like soap. I am reserving the right to admit in the future that I could potentially be blowing this way out of proportion. But given the instability of almost everyone in the family, I don't think this is "nothing." There was obviously soap in the cookies in my bag when there was not soap before. The taste of soap is unmistakeable. The only question is how it got in there, and by whom. What scenario would warrant an accidental adage of soap to packaged (not homemade) cookies in a brand new, not reused, snack baggie? Can anyone help me theorize a situation? It could 100% have been an accident. But again, no one else said anything about the taste.
How to quit: I can pretend like nothing is wrong (like I've done this entire time) and give my two weeks, saying I got another offer somewhere. Or, I leave after pay day one Friday, terminating effective immediately. I'm not sure the best course of action at this point, but I need to get out of there for my own sanity. Please advise.
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Thursday
Reaction Time
Something terrible happened today and I need to share it with you. I take care of a boy who is almost three and he's very combative. His parents don't have much patience for him and already ready to put him on medication. they have a part of me for the way that I treat her their son and the care that I show him. today during breakfast he started having a fit and throwing his bowl around. food. Everywhere I was okay with that I moved in close to him to start cleaning him off and he hit me really hard in the side of the nose. it shocked me and I honestly feel like I saw stars. without thinking I raised my hand and back handed him. the shop to him and made him cry but more than that shot him it shocked me. I apologize right away and fortune like it did not leave a mark. I can't stop thinking about it though because I feel so incredibly guilty. I also feel I should tell the parents what happened. for about an hour afterwards the child didn't want to come near me. after that things went back to normal and he was cuddling on my lap when I left. has this ever happened to anyone before? it's really hard to explain how it happened but I would never ever hit a child. I would really never ever hit anyone it was an actual reaction. do I leave it go and move on? do I tell the parents? How do I get over the guilt?
If you have a story to share please email isynblog@gmail.com.
If you have a story to share please email isynblog@gmail.com.
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