I need help. I work for a WAHD and a WAFHM caring for their nearly 9 month old b/g twins. The problem comes at nap time. We started sleep training way back when they were 5 months old and it was going well until we had a long weekend where family came and convinced MB and DB that the babies should be held to sleep. Since then they won't go to sleep or stay asleep without being held and rocked. On top of that they both sleep no longer than 40 minutes and that's on a good day. It's usually around 20 minutes and they wake up in between. It takes 15 minutes to rock each of them to sleep. If they stay asleep I barely have 15 minutes to eat my lunch. I've tried talking to mom and dad suggesting different things, and they agree to my face, but once I leave it's a different story. I know it's only going to get worse as they get older. I don't know what to do. - Anonymous
17 comments:
OP, can you please clarify what "WAFHM" means?
Unfortunately it seems as if the parents aren't on board with you. They say yes to your face to act supporting and to make you feel better...but then they don't follow through. If the parents are starting this pattern now, youre right, it is only going to get worse. Maybe you can explain how this new routine of rocking the babies to sleep is having a negative effect on their sleep schedule and not allowing you to properly eat your lunch. You could hint that it wlll eventually burn you out and then they'll be stuck without a nanny.
Was the method you were doing before working? If so, along with fact sheets support it. Also explain how it is stressing you. I know how hard it is to do this method with only one child, I can't imagine two! Do they help you out when you do this? Also, do you read them books? Try to. But if it's burning you out, like it seems-start finding a new job. Im sure for the pay it's not worth it. Good luck.
I would try one more time to come up with a sleep routine for them.
I would put emphasis on how important it is for infants to adequate rest and learn to self soothe.
They probably don't realize how difficult it is for you putting them both down, because it's the two of them putting them down at night.
See if they would be ok with letting the babies be in their cribs even if they are awake , so they can try and learn to rest, and you can eat your lunch.
Good luck.
Also what does the F in WAFHM mean?
Eat your lunch while they are awake. It doesn't matter.
As for the sleeping situation, just do the best you can.
I nanny for an 8 month old and she seems to be experiencing the same thing your twins are. Sleep training went great for a few months but for the past 2-3 weeks, she has not been sleeping. She only sleeps for 30 or so minutes at a time for me and is trying to completely give up her late afternoon nap, which for obvious reasons is not working out so well.
I feel for you! I can't imagine doing this with two kids at the same time--C is exhausting me all by herself! Anyway, I don't have any good advice, other than reminding the parents how well sleep-training worked previously. If you can't get them on board, you may have to either continue what you're doing or just quit.
I don't understand why you can't eat lunch. A lot of nannies have said this before and it makes no sense to me. If C happens to be awake when I'm ready for lunch, I will feed her baby food at the same time I'm eating. It is good for children to eat with adults, even at this age. Or if she isn't hungry, I'll keep her in the highchair and let her play while I eat.
Yes, I agree with the others. I nanny for an 8 month old baby and she just started sleeping better! It is important that you and the parents are on the same page. Voice your concerns and perhaps you can start a new sleep routine. As for eating lunch, as missMannan said, eat when you feed them! Good luck!
Thanks for the support everyone.
Normally, I do eat with charges, but these to require a lot of assistance when eating, and there is no keeping them in a high chair if they are not eating they will scream as I am hurting them.
Having two bosses at home I can't have them screaming, but if I let them out it's impossible to eat as they are into everything.
That's why I try to eat when they are sleeping and catch my breath.
It seems like it's an 8/9 month old thing refusing to eat.
I guess I'll have to power through.
Do they care for their own kids on the weekends? If so, ask what they do then.
It is their choice how and whether to sleep train. It is your choice whether to work for a family whose philosophies on child rearing differ from your own.
Either accept their choices (as much as you might not like them) without resentment or move on. I highly doubt they are going to change significantly.
I don't have much advice, but I can commiserate with you (and Mannah). My charge just turned 1 last week...had been sleeping like a dream (went down easily and slept for 2 hours) since he was 8 months old. All of a sudden in the past week he's been really resisting going to sleep (especially at both naps). He throws his soothers out of his crib (he's got 3-4 in there) and then screams his head off until some one comes in to give them to him. He knows throwing his soothers out is a sure-fire way of getting someone to come back in his room. His father and I agreed to just let him scream, but his mother always goes in to give him his soothers back! Yesterday he screamed for an hour before his morning nap and 35 mins before his afternoon nap! I miss the baby who used to take 10 mins of soft babbling to fall asleep!!! I think he's just realized he has an opinion about things and has decided to voice them...loudly. I hope this phase passes quickly!
I completely understand how hard it must be for you OP not to be able to eat a morsel of food when caring for two baby twins. People...it is not as easy as you think!! At 9 mos the child needs to be hand fed and that in itself is a chore to do. Imagine having to do it for two.
Can I suggest that one of the parents comes and relieves you for 1/2 and hr so you can eat your lunch? You are entitled to some time for lunch and since you aren't getting it while the parents are working, then perhaps you can work something out since both parents work at home.
Kudos to you for caring for two babies while both parents are in the home. I would die..simply die. I understand you not wanting to let the babies cry while the parents are home.
Reality is, children need to learn how to fall asleep at a young age w/out being coddled to sleep. It seems as if this family is creating two monsters down the road.
I would sit down and talk to one or both parents about this. Stress that you need their support if the babies are to learn to fall asleep on their own. Acknowledge that yes there will be times the babies will cry, but in the end everyone (babies included!) will benefit from them falling asleep on their own.
If they are on board, then see what happens. If they revert to coddling to sleep when you are not there, then it is a useless fight and you will only be stressed out and burned out daily.
Good luck.
I think I would be most annoyed at the saying one thing to your face and doing another. If they want to stick to the new method of sleep training they should say so to your face. Do they think you are stupid? That shows a lack of respect and maturity on their part.
I must admit I am confused why they would want to use a method that seems to leave everyone babies included with less sleep.
Two answer your question, I don't think there is much more for to do.
If I were you I would try talking to them one more time and get everyone to agree to one method of getting them to sleep.
If they do not agree or they once again agree to your face and do something else I would resign.
This will only get worse and it will translate into other areas beyond sleep as the babies get older.
You have to think do you want to work for people who have so little respect to you that they repeatedly lie to your face?
Just imagine how it will be when it comes time to teach toilet training, or coming up with a method to deal with tantrums, or discipline as they get older.
You seem like a reasonable and responsible nanny. I hope things work out for you at this job or your next job.
With the twins that I care for we put them in their cribs and pat their backs, we patted them a little less each time until now we just give one pat & kiss and out the door. Letting them get drowsy, but falling alseep on their own.
I know my DB had a hard time hearing them cry so with this method they didn't cry as much and got to sleep with much less work eventually. It took a little time to get there.
I would also suggest putting them down a few minutes later or earlier. Seems like they are either not tired enough or over tired when they are being put down.
I think your biggest hurdles seems to be the communication with the parents. That needs to be settled one way or the other.
Once that's settled you can decided if you can handle no down time during the day or not.
GL
I have had this issue with every family I have worked for and have just done my thing which is sleep training! Of course every family is on board in theory but def not in practice but sleep training has ALWAYS worked! Families will fall in line once they realize it works! If they tell you they support you and they are there just do it even if they do their own thing when you are not around the babies will learn they can manipulate their parents but not you! Read the book Healthy sleep habits Happy child and make them read it!!! Good luck!
Jessica, my MB and I read that book too and it is what helped Baby C sleep through the night at 2 months! Good recommendation.
I just quit my job today for this very reason two more weeks and I'm done.
I only care for one baby I couldn't imagind dealing with two. I would have quit months ago.
It's like Susannah said at some point it comes down to a matter of respectd. Either do what you say you are going to do or say you don't want to sleep train.
Your nanny is not an idiot we can tell when the kid is being rocked to sleep instead of being allowed to fall asleep independently.
You think we don't notice it takes 30-40 minutes for them to fall asleep when we return on Mondays after we had gotten it down to 10-15 minutes when we left on Friday?
It's even worse when you're dealing with parents that are know it alls ,but they can't even distinguish their kid's cries.
I grew tired of basically having them same conversation with them every week.
It WILL only get worse. Trust me they will learn that they don't have to nap when you say it's nap time and before you know it you will have a 14 month old that does as they please because if they won't support you on this they will not support you on anything else down the line.
If you don't need the money quit now.
If you do, start looking for another job, one where the parents don't work at home , and work long hours so you can train the kids properly during the week and all they do is follow your schedule on the weekends. Then you quit.
Don't waste months of your time with these foolish parents it's not worth it. Unfortunately it's the babies that will suffer.
Re-posted for Anonymous...
It sounds like mom and dad don't actually agree with sleep training anymore. It's unfair to the OP that they pretend to agree with her methods.
On the other hand, I'm rather appalled that there are a bunch of people commenting who seem to think that their approach on sleep are the only ones and that it can't possibly be right for the parents to want to rock and hold their kids to sleep.
The parents need to clearly communicate what their expectations are with sleep, and OP can either agree to abide by those expectations, or look for another family who share a similar approach to herself.
One other thing to note is that 9 months is prime time for a sleep regression. It is natural and normal that babies sleep gets disrupted around this age regardless of the methods used for sleep. Please do educate yourselves about sleep and sleep regressions!
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