Hi everyone, Ive posted a couple questions/rants on this site before and I always get great advise so here I go again. I have just started with a new family. My new family is 2 children ages 3 and 5 with no pets for 10 hours a week. I was thrilled to find this new family cuz its a perfect fit with my school schedule and an extra $5 per hr! I get along great with the parents and the kids are absolutely wonderful. They already have a nanny and I'm just there in the afternoons to alleviate the nanny and let her go home early.
However, the other day my youngest charge wandered upstairs into MB's office while she was working out. MB normally wears flowy shirts and because she's quite fit I've never thought twice but in that moment she was wearing tight yoga clothes and to my surprise I saw a definite baby bump! I didn't say anything because god forbid I was mistaken, but I asked the nanny and she confirmed that yes MB is pregnant and due in January. I interviewed in July so I'm 90% sure MB must've known she was pregnant when she interviewed/hired me. She made no mention of a new baby and the day before when she and I discussed the upcoming fall schedule she didn't even drop a hint.
I know many women wait until the second trimester to share the news. And the nanny explained how she was waiting for the test results to make sure the baby was ok but she also told me that they received the results a few days after they hired me in early July. I'm just overall confused and feel slightly lied to. I have no infant let alone newborn experience whatsoever. I've never had an interest in caring for babies. I have no idea what my expectations as a babysitter will be once the baby comes. The nanny told me that they had a baby nurse for the first two kids but since she is now pregnant with baby #3, MB is confident that she will be able to handle the baby and that they hired me as an extra set of hands. But I still find it hard to believe that I will not be expected to care for the infant at one point or another. MB has still not said a word to me. I'm waiting till Sunday when I come over to talk to her about it. Any advise on what I should say or ask? Or what she will say or ask me? Thanks! - Anonymous
24 comments:
I would wait for her to bring it up. It isn't appropriate for you and the other nanny to be so gossipy. When the MB is ready to tell you, she will tell you. At that point, voice your concerns. But until then, I would keep it to yourself that you and the other nanny were discussing something so personal.
Why on earth would it be your business if she's pregnant?! Maybe they've had a miscarriage in the past and didnt want to get anyone's hopes up.
Seriously. Keep your nose where it belongs and do your job. If you don't like infants, find a new position when the baby is born.
Your mb never said you had to take care of the baby or anything.
Honestly I would NOT bring it up. You might not know the whole story. She might have a medical reason to withhold it and quite frankly it is not yet your business. If you have objections to caring for another child consider this fair opportunity to look for another job and leave it at that.
Don't bring it up.
She'll bring it up when ready.
I wouldn't get myself worked up over it either.
She very well could end up hiring another baby nurse or caring for the baby on her own.
Cross the baby bridge when you come to it. When she mentions the baby to you you can ask about care arrangements.
I think the bigger red flag here is that you and the nanny have no problem gossiping about MB behind her back. The nanny told you private information about the family and you took everything she said as gospel. Very unprofessional. If you want to bring this up to MB, get ready to be fired.
wow. I didnt expect to get such a negative response. I saw a baby bump, and then the next day while I was reading the fall schedule MB made up for me, I noticed another piece of paper right next to it, out in the open, explaining the plan to save the reusable baby toys and old baby clothes for the new table. I asked a simple question to the nanny as to whether she was pregnant or not because I knew she had read that paper. I didn't realize i was being "gossipy." I was merely confiding in the nanny how i have no infant experience and I didnt want to disappoint MB.
In my experience, and from reading previous posts on this blog, although many families will say that the oldest child wont need to be taken care of, or the infant will be the mom's responsibility, this is never really the case and at one point or another, the babysitter/nanny will have to watch over.
@knittynanny I definitely think it's my business seeing as how I will be taking care of the other two children and quite possibly the baby. and I definitely said in my post how I know that many women wait until the second trimester to share the news, my mother had issues conceiving so I'm not insensitive, but it's been weeks since the mom new the baby was ok.
I just feel that its something that couldve been discussed seeing as how I told them I was looking for a longterm family when I interviewed them and July-Jan is only 6 months, not long at all. It would be difficult to have to find another job that will fit my school schedule.
I will take PPs advice and not bring it up. I apologize if I came off as gossipy. I'm just concerned.
new baby**** (not table) whoops!!!
If she was expecting you to take care of another baby soon, I'm sure she would have told you. If she didn't, don't worry about it. Maybe she was hiring a nurse, like another poster said.
I think it's crazy that you "feel lied to". She never told you a lie.
Honestly. Just do your job. When she wants you to know, she'll tell you.
OP,
I still wouldn't worry until she mentions it to you.
She knows you don't have infant experience, and since she's hired a baby nurse in the past I'd say the odds are in your favor and she's not expecting you to care for the new baby.
If when she mentions the new baby to you she sounds like she's expecting infant care from you , you can make it clear to her then that you have no infant experience and no interest in caring for infant.
Well it doesn't take much to get the gals here all negative and riled up.
I think what they're missing in your whole post is that you have no infant experience or desire to care for babies. If you don't feel comfortable caring for a newborn- you shouldn't! It's a big responsibility! I unlike the other posters feel that she should have told you she was expecting or that they were at least planning on baby number 3 and expanding their family as it does effect you. Assumed pregnancy issues or not, I feel you have the right to know where you position is leading-especially if you have been hired as long term. However I would not bring it up with her right away, I'd say wait another couple of weeks and see if she mentions it. Also keep your eyes peeled on other nanny jobs,just in case you aren't thrilled with how this job is panning out.
I would be annoyed if a new sitter started grilling me about this. But I also would not hire a sitter who made it clear she was not comfortable with infants if I was planning on having one. Mom is not that far along and may still be waiting on the 20 week anatomy scan. Or she just may truly not believe caring for the infant will be your job.
If she left a piece of paper saying she was pregnant out in the open, then I think it is okay to mention that to say congratulations ONLY. Almost any family you work for could potentially have another baby so this is not something you can really control. Even if you quit with this family, you could easily end up in the same situation again.
It is the parents' choice when to discuss this with you. No one lied to you. You can either continue to work for them, knowing infant care may be an issue (which you either clearly refuse to do or learn to do), or move on now.
Wow you guys were pretty mean this time! It is absolutely a nanny's business to know if her MB is pregnant! This is something that could affect her job tremendously, of course she has the right to know.
I have been on a lot of interviews where the parents tell me they are pregnant, and ask if I would be comfortable with caring for an infant. Most parents would want to hire someone they know can meet their needs, and by hiding the pregnancy, they have no way of knowing the nanny's abilities. Why would anyone bring up infant care if the kids are 3 and 5?
And...it isn't gossip. People talk about the boss, get over it. Anyone who has two or more employees is going to get talked about. I don't think OP was saying anything negative at all, while most people will get together to rag on the boss.
Like you I refuse to care for infants anymore. They are simply not my thing.
I can understand you feeling upset especially if you made it clear during an interview that you do not care for babies.
But it's still possible that you will not be expected to care for the new baby.
I would wait until she shares the info witih you directly , and then you can discuss plans for caring for the new baby.
The plan should be very clear and you should have no part and infant care.
If that cannot be agreed upon I would start looking for a new job. Believe me there are plenty out there with no infant care required, and plenty of parents that don't expect the nanny to just go with the flow and care for a newborn
I disagree that the OP here was being "gossipy." Gossipy has a negative connotation to it...it's not like she was talking badly about her MB. She was simply being informed. OP, do not listen to the haters on here.
Anyway, my gut feeling that your MB didn't mention her pregnancy is because she probably will not ask you to care for the new baby once it arrives. She probably will either care for it herself or has another childcare plan.
Since they already have a nanny and you are only 10 hrs week, I would just wait and see what MB tells me and go from there.
I'm a nanny that likes babies and I can understand why you are worried and upset at the possibility of caring for a newborn when you don't like to care for babies.
It's still fairly early in the pregnancy that she mayb be waiting to share the news with everyone especially if she has had troubles in the past.
Since you are part time afternoons I bet part of the reason you were brought in is for the older kids, so MB can focus on the baby when the other nanny leaves.
I would be willing to bet she won't ask you to care for the newborn.
If she does you are completely in the right by quitting.
Just give her a little more time to act.
I wouldn't ask her though because with this post as evidence she might feel you were snooping and lash out.
I think it's a little weird that mb didnt mention it in the beginning. But she may have a history of reasons to not bring it up.
Bottom line if you're only there 10 hours a week, they already have another Nanny, they have hired baby nurses for the first few kids, and MB is around the house when you are, I wouldn't stress. It sounds like she has many other plans for the babys care.
Unless you trust the other, more established nanny 10000%, I think you were pretty foolish to confide in her. If she has now gone back to your MB and told MB your concerns, chances are high you will either be fired for "gossiping" or you'll be let go because you won't fit the family's needs.
In any case, say NOTHING about the pregnancy. Assume that you will be told when your employers want to tell you. Be ready with your questions and concerns then, so that you can address your wish to not care for infants.
You might also be on the lookout for a new position, just to CYA.
I can see why you are concerned but I would not be too worried if I were you! Chances are you were hired because they knew they were having a baby and just wanted help with the older siblings. A nanny friend of mine had the same exact thing happen and she NEVER even held the baby the other nanny took care of the infant while she took the kids out to all the fun activities around town! You may not be comfortable with infants but I see this as an excellent opportunity to learn infant care and gain some experience. It really only takes confidence and common sense to care for an infant! Make sure you are up on your CPR and First aid and wait to congratulate your boss. I would def voice your concerns about your lack of infant knowledge but I would not scold her for not telling you. Don't even ask why she didn't I'm sure she has her reasons. Right now your worried about the unknown its a waste of energy wait until your boss informs you of her expectations and then you can make a decision based on fact instead of speculation.
Why would asking if someone is pregnant be considered "gossipy?"
How dumb.
Because when you're not asking the possibly pregnant person, that is considered gossip.
@kim
Maybe when you're in in 8Th grade.
@jenna
Since when does the meaning of a word change based upon the age of the person doing the action to which the word desdcribes? Oh, I know. Never. :p
this is kinda OT but am i the only one that read "$5/hr"?!? so $50/week. even if you only work 10 hrs a week, you should likely get paid more. Forgive me if i read that wrong or I am not understanding something.
She said an "extra" $5 per hour. I took this to mean her salary is $5 more than her previous one was.
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