Ok so I need advice. I have worked on and off as a nanny for 5 years now. Most of the families I have worked for have been delightful and I have never really had any problems. A few years ago I got a live in position for two adorable little girls. Before I started working I had many phone conversations with the mom, I sent references and I am sure the family also did a background check in which everything came out fine.
I started working for the family and then one weekend when I went to see some friends for the day, the father went through all my belongings. I had been on some medication (none which affected my job or mood whatsoever) but I didn't feel the need to tell the family because they never asked of any medical conditions. I had carefully placed the medication in place where it was safe and no one would be able to find it unless they were looking for something. I was immediately let go. I never felt so disrespected in my life. They didn't even bother to ask me anything, just said that they could no longer work with me. Has anyone ever had a family go through all their things without their knowledge? Isn’t this considered a HUGE invasion of privacy? - Anonymous
32 comments:
That is a HUGE invasion of privacy and I'd quit if I found out people were going through my things.
You didn't mention what the medication is or the condition you are treating. You have that right but maybe the parents were uncomfortable with whatever the condition is.
Without telling us what you are treating, it's hard to give an opinion. I do think they were way out of line going through your things though. That is just wrong.
Honestly, you're way better off. The problem isn't that they let you go for omission of medical condition. The problem is that they went through your stuff period. That's a deal breaker for me. Clearly this family is disrespectful if theyre going through your stuff. Had they not found the prescription, they might have continued to periodically go through your stuff in the future.
WestchesterNanny, this nanny didn't have the chance to quit because the family fired her first!
OP, would you have quit anyway? And nobody here knows who you are, would you mind telling us what either the medication was or what the condition is so we can better advise or comfort you?
Sounds like they did you a favor. I wouldn't want to have people rummaging through my personal items when I wasn't around.
IMO, disclosing (here) what the medication is of no importance. The issue is that the father went through your stuff, not what you are being medicated for. Which isn't ok.
Wow. What jerks. And I've been in the uncomfortable position of being accused of having a particular disorder because the medication I used is also rx to treat a stigmafied disorder. Maybe your meds are also rx for something serious?
Could you imagine if the shoe were on the other foot?
If you raided their cabinets, bedrooms, and belongings, found medication and
quit as soon as they got home?
They would be suing you faster than you could blink.
Better off with out them. Sorry you are without a job.
If you are with an agency I would inform them of their behavior.
Best of luck finding a new job.
Like others said, yes this is a huge invasion of privacy and yes I think you're better off. It sucks to be fired but this family really showed you their true colors by going through your stuff.
I would advise you not to take live-in positions anymore, just because there's always a chance that the parents might get a little "curious." Or if you're going to live-in, request a bedroom/bathroom with a separate lock and only you have the key for it.
I know how it feels to be stigmatized for medications or conditions. As I have said before on here, I am bipolar and though I am not ashamed of my diagnosis, I have to hide it, especially from employers because you never know how someone will react. I've been stigmatized all my life for this, even on this very website. I'm sorry people are closed-minded against what they don't understand.
Its next to impossible to hide a bipolar disorder from people who know you irl. Even online, I knew MM was bipolar before I just now read it for the first time above. Behavior that's up & down & erratic is the hallmark of the disease & easy to spot.
WOW
I'm a lot more outspoken and emotional on here than I am at my work. Trust me, I'm good at hiding it.
You dodged a bullet here. These people sound like they were rotten. Next time buy a little lock box safe to keep tucked under your bed and keep the key with you in wallet or safely hidden in your car. I trust that you don't abuse your medication but was this by chance medical MJ?
I though I was good at hiding my bipolar. When I came out everyone was like NO KIDDING! LOL!!!!!
I am assuming OP that you were taking meds for a mental or emotional issue which is none of this family's business. Shame on them for going through your stuff. Like a previous poster stated, you sure as hell dodged a bullet w/them.
Regarding the medication, if I had a nanny w/a mood/mental disorder, I would be happy she was on meds vs. being untreated. Many people w/mental issues have been successfully treated by the use of meds and I would much rather have a nanny take her meds then not.
This family sounds uneducated and ignorant.
Don't let it get to you.
There is a huge stigma regarding mental illness so if you ever are a live-in again, I would keep my meds under lock and key.
Not fair, I know...however that is the way the world works now unfortunately.
So sorry this happened to you.
Good riddance! You're better off.
I've tried brainstorming all of the ailments that would make me fire someone and I can only think of one.
I'm thinking worse case scenarios like HIV and still don't see how it would affect the care of the kids. The only thing I can think of that I would have a problem with is schizophrenia. It is a very serious illness and can cause you to hurt yourself and/or people you love.
@How True:
Yes, if I had a nanny who had schizo but was on meds...that would be scary for me. I have heard that these types of people hear voices and some have even went as far as to do what the voices dictate.
I highly doubt anyone w/schizo would employ themselves as a nanny...would they??
Seriously? So rude.
That is insane OP! I wish you better luck with your next family. This one just saved you from months of a bad workplace.
Its not impossible to hide it. I'm bipolar, and if I told someone, they would never believe it. It's all about self control. I hide it everyday.
I agree I hide my bipolar bc I successfully manage it with medication. Plus pp you were rude to say that. It's never okay to make stabs at people esp on their sensitive subjects. I hope YOU aren't a nanny bc you don't have self control down pat
ok, i am going to apologize in advance for saying this - it's just simply a different viewpoint - that's all
as an employer, i have hired people with all kinds of medical conditions - and sometimes it does affect their job performance - i have seen people yell at kids become hysterical at times - emotionally attack other people and myself
then - to avoid any consequences re: their own behavior - they bring up medical conditions, family problems, etc
now - is it possible? not definite, not sure, just -- a theoretical possibility - that the Op may have some things she did or said that caused the parents to be concerned - great nanny that she is, great person that she is
and this concern - people are not rational when it comes to their kids - caused the dad to be a jerk, go thru her things etc.
if - and only if - that is a possibility it's something to think about - that if various ones of us have medical issues that can result in compromising our job/employers or even a blog LOL - we need to learn to hide it and or not make it a problem for others - or pony up for the consequences
How refreshing to see this blog being so supportive toward those with mental illness for a change. After the bashing another poster took about a month ago I thought about leaving because the cruelty here was beyond comprehensible. I myself have OCD and I know in the grand scheme of things its not considered as debilitating as some other illnesses (at least when managed by meds and meditation on my part) - but its definitely nice to see so many others 'come out of the closet' so to speak, and share their stories. You guys are really awesome in my book! :)
We need to form a mentally ill nanny support group! I am thrilled to see others "come out of the closet" as A said about their illnesses. I have always been outspoken about mine, ever since my diagnosis 6 years ago. But the stigma still remains and I do not want my boss to think less of my abilities just because I am ill.
Though I would like to point out that the two posters talking about "schizos" are just perpetuating the stigmas we in the mental illness community have to deal with.
We're just assuming that OP's medical condition has to do with mental illness because it's really the only one we all thought to be bad enough for the parents to fire her for --- and yes, missmannah, it's because of the stigma attached to it. How very sad!
I do wish OP could at least tell us if the condition was mental or physical. That would certainly bring weight to all of this.
Thank you missmannah, for being so open. And I'm glad you stood strong through all the horrible posts way back when.
I don't think it is any of our concern what OP's particular illness is. If she wanted to be open about it, I'm sure she would have said so in her post. The most important part is that she knows we can relate and support her.
You're welcome. Those posts were difficult and I could see that they were getting me riled up, that's why I took a self-imposed vacation from this site. I needed it for a few days. I have since also taken a self-imposed vacation from facebook because a friend of a friend not-so-kindly informed me that I have no "real" childcare experience and should not offer information to people. People will just say anything on the internet to get their point across, no matter how inaccurate or just plain rude it is.
I'm so sorry you felt attacked, Mannah. I sure hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I apologize, if I said anything to offened you at all.
And that Facebook friends friend is a moron!! What does she know about what you know? Nothing. Don't let a useless opinion get to you. Sometimes I find just agreeing with idiots shuts them up. A little sarcasm never hurt anyone. "You're right, Miss friend-of-a-friend. I sure don't know anything about children. Especially because I haven't had any of my own. I've only taken care of "x" children since I've turned eighteen. I guess if I had no experience in child care, but had experience caring for my own child, my opinions would matter. What does it matter that I have experience with "x" different children? Since I didn't give birth to them, it does not amount to real experience. You're so right. I agree with you!" :)
OP, we have no idea who you are at all. For the sake of satisfying our curiousity, would hou mind sharing what the medicattion was for? I can't help but wonder if it is that harmless, they might have fired you for other reasons. Anyway, next time they have small boxes with built in combination locks on them. You could keep your medication in one. Not only is it safe because its baby proof, but its also safe from prying eyes. For additional protection, you could also put a small safe in the closet. That way, they can't tell if pills are inside by shaking it. So did you find another job, OP??? I think what they did, going through your items was wrong. That's just not something decent people would do. I remember finding a classmates hangbag in middle school after a dance. I kept that thing in my house all weekend & never peeked inside. I just feel respecting others privacy is so important! Its how we expect to be treated!! Good luck, OP. And again, don't be afraid to share what the medication was with us!
Gypsy, you didn't offend me by anything. I still ascertain that you are one of my favorite posters here. :)
That woman was an idiot. I said something very similar to what you suggested: "I was unaware that my 11 years of childcare experience and countless hours of training amounts to absolutely no knowledge of how to raise children. I will be sure to keep my educated opinions to myself from now on." Later that day I decided fuck it and just deleted the account. I'm sure you can guess based on my remarks here, that that instance was not the first FB fight I had been in.
That was a very good idea about OP getting a safe if she is going to continue with live-in positions. Not only for her meds, but all valuables, just in case.
Awww, thanks MissMannah. I was afraid I had offended you. Glad to hear I did not. I was glad to see you back btw! <3 I've deactivated my Facebook & keep it offline more often than its there. I can't seem to decide whether or not I want to permantely leave it or not. I feel its a major invasion of privacy. We don't really need to know everyones every move, jmho. Plus, Facebook actually owns anything you share, including photos. That's very concerning to me!! Oh, I'm glad you stood up to whoever had he nerve to question your childcare experience. What an annoying person!! Oh, I don't feel you're getting a fair shake on here lately. It seems some people have decided that you're a target. It doesn't seem to matter what you post. Its like they're looking for something to disagree with you on. Like when you said how you teach people how to treat you. That's true. Don't let it bother you, stay strong!!!! <3
I wouldn't say it has been happening "lately." You must be new-ish because I've been on here a couple of years now and it goes in cycles: every few months, a few people start a crusade against me and then a few months later people like me again. I don't let it bother me most of the time, because I understand I was not placed on this earth to please everybody. Nor do they have to please me.
I think your medical history or current medical situation has nothing to do with the parents unless it will affect the children so say you have tb or another deadly airbourne virus, mental Health has a stigma people need to get off there high horses about it and just let people be its not going to kill you
Yea right. If that is the case, then it means we are you escape goats. No wondering you're so nasty and a bi tch without a cause on here. Get it together a hole!
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