.... WHAT?!
Feature Ad:
1) Demon child and Anti-Christ ISO Mary Poppins (Illinois)
We are in search of a hearty woman who is a glutton for punishment. We have not one, but two boys who are full of action to leave you shuddering all night. To top of this wonderful entourage, we introduce, the teenager! Yes, the spawn whom will change clothes, hair, make up, boyfriends, best friends, and moods every hour on the hour. You must be willing to come to our abode and watch our spawns. You must have a car, license, excellent driving record, for you must have a way to escape if and when necessary. If you are really self loathing, we are considering a live in position also.
Spawn #1 is about 9 human years old. He will leave his lair by 8 to go scare and harrass the neighborhood teachers and kids. He will return to the lair just after 3. He will by this time be hungry and ready to devour you as soon as he walks in the door. He will feign illness to prevent from doing the work his teachers beg him to do only after they feel as if they may live after encountering him.
Spawn #2 is about 3 human years old and will gross you out as he urinates on himself only AFTER you have asked him 1000 times if he needs to go potty. This spawn will change his eating and sleeping habits hourly. He may have liked Pop Tarts yesterday morning, but they are human waste today. Spawn #2 OWNS everything. He owns the house, the cars, the toys, the televisions, me, and he will own you too. This one doesn't like to share but you must hold your ground and teach him. We will pray for your soul as you attempt this feat.
Spawn #3 doesn't really need to be watched much. This spawn is 13 human years old and you just have to let her know she has homework and check it when she is done. This spawn hates Math and struggles with it, so you must be able to do 7th grade Math!!! You will NOT do it for her, but you will help her so that she may be able to count her victims correctly.
These Spawns also have a minion. The minion barks when people come to the door to warn off intruders. The minion is medium sized and very lovable. I believe the minion may be our only hope at survival.
I am a keeper of these Spawns. In us, you will find fearing, but loyal and loving parents who want the best for our little demons. They are not perfect but we love them dearly. We hope that even you can look beyond their red eyes, horns, and tails, and learn to love them too!
Original URL: http://stlouis.craigslist.org/kid/1340736465.html
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Special thanks to the following 2 Readers who found our Feature Ad: alexismoqo and Bint Ethel... Great job to the both of you! Also, thank you to: noreply-comment, Lesacalisch, afnt81, MissDee, Cinder38 and Utah Nanny... you found some awesome Ads this week and we really appreciate all of your help! Remember, CL-WTF will be Posted every Saturday. Please send next weeks Ads
HERE or use MEEBO.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS WEEKS SUBMISSIONS: PLEASE CLICK HERE!
25 comments:
Ha!!! The best thing I have seen on this site!
These are by far the best in a while.
The first one was my favorite!!
What a great selection this week!
Okay, I haven't worked as a nanny for 20 years but am considering contacting #1 to apply. Love it!
Sounds to me like people are desperate to appear in CL wtf. I want to beat the shit out of everyone who writes ads like this
I got to enjoy my Cocoa Puffs and have a laugh this morning! So many good ads this week, it's hard to pick which one takes the cake.
I had a great laugh reading number 1! The kids may be hellians, but it sounds like the parents may be fun to work with, lol!
Hey Mom, sorry I haven't been around to update. I did get a BFP over a month ago! I've seen the baby twice on US and found out yesterday by CVS testing that the baby is a boy! All of this great news comes with bad though. My husband was killed in Afghanistan on election day last month. It has been a very hard 2 weeks, but I'm emerging from the heartache and devestation in order to keep this baby growing. My wonderful employer has been right there for me at 3am when I'm so hysterical crying I'm hyperventilating. She has helped me take care of all of the finances and benefits that need to be dealt with upon his passing in active duty. I am so incredibly grateful for my employer, I would not have made it through these last 2 weeks without her.
As always, MPP has a knack for posting the best one first! Bravo!
Regarding number one: the mom who wrote this ad is a great writer. But I don't mean to be a killjoy when I say that I would never refer to my children this way, especially on the internet, even joking. And I do have a sense of humor. But geez: spawn? I know the mom was joking but would the children appreciate it? I doubt the teenager would. I know I'd be pissed if my parents posted something like that about me, even in fun. There are some real wackos on the internet and I don't think this is very funny. I know I will get flamed for this but I think it is in very bad taste. This mother could blog about her kids this way if she wants to, not post ads about them.
Just my opinion.
Nannydownsouth, you have my deepest sympathies. I can't imagine how difficult this time must be for you and can only hope that knowing that your little boy is healthy inside you is comfort.
That said, it feels very petty to point out that the plural of spawn is spawn. And, while I appreciate a sense of humor, and it sounds like Mom#1 really needs one, it always bothers me when people cast their children in a negative light like that.
Funny stuff this week!
Wow... thanks everyone! But the real credit goes to the Readers with the eagle eye. They did not let any of us down this week!
To nannydownsouth,
My condolences... stay strong.
I sent number 1 twice.
Sorry about that.
Bint Ethel and hijabiniqaabi are the same person :)
Bint Ethel,
Thank you... it has been fixed.
nannydownsouth
my prayers are with you.
Nanny Down South, my heart goes out to you.
Post #1 is awesome. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be surprised if the kids weren't that badly behaved.
Also, if I were the 13-year-old daughter, not only would I find this funny, I'd probably help my mom write this. Then again, my family always had a twisted sense of humor.
This weeks were great!
To Nanny Down South: I appreciate the service that your husband provided on behalf of our country - I can't imagine your grief.
#7 said pay is possible which means that she was thinking of possibly not paying this person who comes and gives her a break from the baby?
#25 - how long are they planning on this person watching their newborn if she would only need 1 or 2 bottles...I'm imagining not long. All newborns I know eat every 2 hours.
nannydownsouth, I'm so very sorry for your loss and want to thank you for the sacrifice your husband and your family has made for our country.
I know #1 was meant in good fun, but it makes me sad to hear children referred to this way. I prefer #2, which is also humorous but doesn't denigrate the children
nannydownsouth- I'm truly sorry for your loss. I wish you strength for the next days and months.
Election day last month?
Emily - the elections that took place in Afghanistan last month that were extremely violent. It was all over the news for days.
Nannydownsouth-
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad to hear you have a healthy son on the way. Congrats and my thoughts are with you.
Nannydownsouth
I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband, a police officer, was also killed 2 weeks ago while on duty. I have not believed in God more in my life than I have in these past 2 weeks. I have felt a tangible peace and I would be lost with out it. Keep strong for your baby. Are you the one who recently posted about trying to get pregnant before your husband deployed?
Thank-you everyone for your beautiful words. They may just be words on a screen, but they really mean so much to me :)
Psyber Chica, yes, that was me.
Nannydownsouth and Cyberchica, I had not been keeping up with this thread, so I am just now getting your tragic news.
There are not enough words to tell you both how sorry I am. Your husbands are heroes. I know that's not a lot of consolation under the circumstances, but it does mean their names will be forever honored.
Nannydownsouth, I am thanking God for your healthy baby boy. What a blessing it will be to have your husband's son, and to be able to teach him about what a good man his daddy was...and the sacrifice he made so that his child can hopefully live in a safer world.
Much love to you both, Mom
Psyber Chica, I'm sorry I submitted my comment before remembering to express my condolences in the loss of your husband. There's a special place in Heaven for heroes such as our husbands!
holy cow! I think the first family would be soooo much fun to work for. They clearly have a sense of humor.hahahahaha. I laughed out loud the entire time I read that. :)
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