Received Saturday, November 1, 2008 - Rant
I read this site every day and am appalled by the behavior of some of the nannies listed. I just don't understand why parents entrust their children to some of these women. The mothers that confuse me the most are the SAHM. Are you so busy with your daily lives that someone else has to raise your children? Additionally, if you are going to have help, why wouldn't you make sure that it is the best match for your child? I have a 19 y/o daughter who surprised me with a grandson two years ago. It was such a shock and I had no idea how she would handle it. However, she is full time college student, works full time and is a full time mom. With very little support provided by family, she makes it work. If a 19 y/o can do this why can't these older "more established" moms do it? My Daughter is a wonderful mother, and totally committed to becoming independent and making a financially stable life for Caleb. In the meantime, she is raising a happy, extremely healthy, bright child. Without a nanny. On her own.
I know this is a strange rant for this site, but I'm just mystified as to how the terrible nannies keep their jobs? I'm sure the children react to them in a way that, if the parents were paying attention, would tip them off to a problem. When I do read a positive story (and I LOVE those) they're all about how the children interact with the nanny - wouldn't that work the other way as well? Parents with nannies just need to keep their eyes open and pay attention.
For all of you that are committed to your charges - good for you and keep up the good work. To me, being a nanny is one of the professions that you are "called" to do. And most certainly you can see which nannies were "called" and which ones "just went."
29 comments:
Unfortunately I think many parents that employ these bad nannies are such work-a-holics that they are detached from any of the 'warning signs' of a bad nanny.
I think other parents might prefer when there is a lack of attachment b/n the nanny and their children so they don't feel bad for working so much...
Excellent post, OP.
ie.,
"To me, being a nanny is one of the professions that you are "called" to do. And most certainly you can see which nannies were "called" and which ones "just went.""
Who watches her dc while she is in school and at work? I am a sahm with help. I have 3 kids and my husband is works 60 hours a week. I don't have family around to provide me with any help. So I have no choice but to hire someone.
first of all.. I'm a SAHM and I need help. I'ts not all ice cream and playgrounds. Work has to get done. I don't have family to help me. That said, The amount of absolutely terrible nannies out there is astounding. I personally know 4 nannies that are nasty and abusive to their charges. The kids parents are friends of mine. The one time I tried to let one parent know how bad her nanny was she cut me off as a friend.
So now I MYOB.
For some reason no one wants to hear it.
Good nannies are hard to find. A lot are good at pulling the wool over their bosses eyes.
It's a real problem. The ones who suffer are the children.
Nice post.
But how is your daughter a full-time college student, works full-time and a full-time mom?
She can't make that all "work" without help from either you (grandma) or daycare. Some outer force must be helping out.
I know I don't get this post. Her daughter is not a full-time hands on mom. If she is working full-time and going to school full-time.
It sounds like she can't be home. So who watches the child?
I'm the OP and she is all that I said. I watch him a couple of times a week for 1-2 hours, then his Dad picks him up and sometimes he goes to his Grandma's house. She has lots of support but rarely asks for help. Ocassionally he will go to a wonderful in-home daycare. She works at night on some days, and goes to school at night on some days - while he's sleeping. She juggles - just like everyone else.
Good nannies are not hard to find. We are everywhere and I can guarantee there are more good than there are bad. That's an unfair assumption, firsttime.
To be completely honest with you, I have seen more questionable behavior from parents than I have from nannies. In fact, there has only been ONE nanny I have witnessed in 2 years at my job that could be considered "bad." She yapped on the phone at the park instead of playing with her charge...(things I see mommies doing all the time, by the way)...
I know there are terrible nannies out there and this site is here to expose them, but lets be fair. The bad nannies are in the minority...their stories are just more interesting than the good nanny's, so you hear about them a lot more.
I wondered that too. Unless she takes the child with her while she is at work FT (40 hours/wk?) AND takes him with her to school FT (that's what, 30 hours?) how exactly is she FT at all 3 occupations?
And while I agree that there do seem to be many horrid nannies, I can also see that there can be perfectly valid reasons for some SAH parents to have a nanny's help.
Lori/OP, so your daughter has 2 grandmas and a daycare to help her out and dad has a flexible enough schedule that he can parent as well, and is available and involved. She is lucky, but many parents are not so lucky.
So she works while her DC is sleeping. What? She leaves him home alone sleeping? Admit it, she has help and she isn't 'doing it all alone'. Raising a child is hard work..and she only has one child. She may not have a nanny but it sounds like between you, the father, the grandmother and day care, she has plenty of childfree hours in her day. It's not the end of the world if someone has to hire a nanny, even a sahm.
Cali Mom -- she goes to school four days a week carrying what they consider a full load. She works as a waitress five days a week, which is what they consider full time. I didn't mean to disapariage SHM who had nannies, I mean to say that those that do should make sure they pay attention to the relationship that the nannies have with the children.
If a SAHM can afford extra help, around the house why not. Sometimes, I wish I could have someone come by a couple of hours a week. Not to get away from my child. But it would be nice to have another adult in the house to talk too. And also be able to step out to the store, etc.
And I don't think its wrong to go to school and work. If you want to advance yourself. But just be honest, theres no way she can be there for her child on a full-time basis.
Repost (sorry I should know better by now):
It can work - I have an in-home daycare and go to school in the evenings, so technically I work full-time, go to school full-time, and am a mom full-time. It's hard, but possible.
Well one problem is that they are all hiring foreigners who probably have an 8th grade education.. maybe. That's why in the description of ALMOST every sighting, the nanny's accent is mentioned, although I won't say what type of accent they usually have because everyone will freak out.
The point is that those nannies know NOTHING about child development, American social etiquette or really any other knowledge required to properly care for children. If people would pay a tiny bit more to hire educated American nannies, you wouldn't read as many of these tragic sightings.
I used to wonder why a SAHM needed a nanny until I found that I needed one myself. I was a nanny myself until my son was a year old when my job ended because the kids went to school so I have now seen things from both sides. I NEVER thought I would need help but I was diagnosed with Lupus recently along with other health problems which at times make me unable to take care of my son. We now have a nanny who comes in the morning to make sure my son is up, fed, and gets to school. I always try to do things for my son, but am glad to have the help available if I just can't do it. Often we have both walked to school with my son and I volunteer around the school when able to. I have been fortunate enough to find someone with a very flexable schedule who doesn't mind coming over each day for a couple hours to make sure that things get done and we pay her whether she does the work or I do, which she often says she feels guilty about but we are paying for her TIME and COMMITMENT to be here and appreciate it greatly.
It killed me when I first started getting sick to tell my son that I just couldn't do what he wanted... like go to the park when things like just getting him breakfast was hard for me. I ALWAYS found a way to get him what he NEEDED but felt that his wants were being negleted by my inability to interact with him at times so I am thankful to have some help but don't take advantage of it as I WANT to be with my son as much as possible.
Get off your high horse, OP. Many people don't have the luxury of help from family etc. If your daughter works full time and is a college student, I highly doubt she's in sole charge of her son at all times.
I would think more than half of all households have childcare in some form or other. Yet, only 1-2 bad nanny sightings are posted on this site.
"The mothers that confuse me the most are the SAHM. Are you so busy with your daily lives that someone else has to raise your children?"
That's not fair, OP. Don't be so confused. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, such as a chronic illness.
most nannies are actresses. they have been coached and know the right thing to say. so you cant blame the parents. the nannies are tricksters. deviant tricksters.
sarah...
you need to pull that stick out your arse!
Give me a break, gingy. You sound a bit paranoid and irrational.
OP, while you have some valid points about some families choosing questionable childcare, it burns me up that you criticize women who need a bit of help. I work part time for several SAHM. My presence allows them to get extra sleep, take a long bath, visit friends or run errands.
SHould they work themselves to point of exhaustion just to prove to you they are good moms?
Their kids can only benefit from having a rested mom, and I don't think they should be criticized for needing help.
Since I'm getting paid, I feel obligated to give my little kiddos a fun and creative day, so they benefit from having a nanny as well.
Here are some reasons bad nannies have jobs.
1. The parents can't afford to pay enough to attract a professional nanny, ......they would be better off with a good daycare.
2. The parents can afford to pay well, but are not willing to. I encounter some lousy nannies who work for very wealthy families for low salaries (and are they bitter!).
3. The parents have low expectations. They want the child taken care of physically, but are not concerned about stimulation. They don't consider it necessary for the nanny to be educated, or have knowledge of child development.
4. They want/need someone to do housekeeping as well as child care. This can work well, but only when the 1st priority is the children. In many cases it isn't. That is the situation with many of the "park bench nannies". They are primarily cleaning ladies, and do the absolute minimum for the children. Unfortunately for the reputation of the nanny profession, they are referred to as nannies, but they are NOT!
Wow, I think you really nailed it manhattan nanny. Not having the money isn't the only reason why these children are being taken care of by sub-par nannies, I actually think it's more to do with some Parents really not giving a crap who takes care of their kid. Do you ever notice those pathetic ads that require a HOUSEKEEPER/nanny? Are you kidding me? It seems like these million dollar homes are more important to them than their own children!
Hee hee,
Can you explain why I need to "pull the stick out of my ass."
Was there something untrue about what I said? I noticed that many posters went on to mention that a lot of families are hiring nanny/HOUSEKEEPERS. These are cleaning ladies who additionally will make sure the children in their care eat and get through the day. They are not professional nannies and I have not yet seen or heard of one who is American. They are probably lovely women. But, they are uneducated cleaning staff, they do not have the child development understanding necessary to provide great care for kids.
You may not like it, but this needs to be pointed out because it is a large part of the reason that children are not getting what they deserve.
I am a housekeeper/nanny. I'm darn good at BOTH jobs, and very well trained and experienced in being a nanny. On Tuesday, Thursday and Friday my sole responsibility is taking care of the child. The only cleaning I do is while he takes his nap, and that's just to clean up from breakfast and lunch. Then, on Monday and Wednesday, I do the housekeeping, and occassionally watch the child while Mom runs an errand or two. I am paid a seperate hourly rate for each job ($14/hr for childcare, $12/hr for housekeeping). So, I resent the comments saying that housekeepers/nannies are just housekeepers who only make sure the kid is fed and alive. Oh, and I am a born and raised Texan, in case you were wondering.
I have been a nanny for 2 SAHM's. One Mom had lupus and infant twins. Physically, she was not able to take care of her babies on her own. I was never, not once, left to take care of them on my own. She was always right there with me. One baby in her arms, one in mine. She was 100% involved in taking care of her babies. The other position was for a SAHM that had me come on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-2 to care for the kids while she ran her errands, cleaned up, went to the dr., etc. She is THE best Mom I have EVER met, and I truly believe that those 10 hours a week of a break greatly contributed to how awesome of a Mom she was/is!
My indignation for the whole HOUSEKEEPER/nanny thing would be towards the families that are looking to hire a housekeeper first, and a nanny second. Why would you put the care of your home before the care of your child?
Hire 2 separate people, and let the nanny focus on her job.. taking care of the child!
If you hire a nanny, and she happens to have the time, say during naps, to then earn extra money for cleaning.. and she WANTS to do it.. then I see no harm.
OP, it sounds like you daughter poops rainbows and burps sunshine - well done! What an excellent reflection on you. That was the purpose of your post, right??
Sarah, you're a boner-fied poopsack if you think that the western model of child development and social etiquette is the only model and the be all end all of child care. Well, perhaps if your goal is raising the next generation of loud mouth big-bums it is.
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