Received Tuesday, October 14, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I am curious to know what people think of male child care workers, including manny’s and daycare workers, and babysitters. Has anyone had any good or bad experiences with them?
I have a two year old daughter and am looking at daycares. There is one daycare that I really like, but one of her teachers would be a guy. I am not too sure about that. What does anyone else think? I am sure he is a great guy, but I am just not sure. Any help will be much appreciated.
45 comments:
I personally, think guy teachers can be some of the BEST! One of the schools around here has a guy teacher and let me tell you, if the parents can get their kid into his class, they feel super lucky!
I would say it depends on the individual, just as it does with female child care workers and nannies. You could find a great male nanny or a horrible female nanny. You could always ask parents of other children in the class how they feel about him.
Personally,
I would never hire a male nanny or babysitter.
I wouldn't have a problem with a male teacher or daycare worker.
I know it's wrong- I know some guys that are the BEST at taking care of kids and would NEVER hurt them. But it's an unfair biased that many of us have, I guess.
I worked at a daycare in the one-year-old classroom with a guy my age (college age). He was fun for the boys because he would play rough with them and he had a lot of enery to be silly like a boy. But, he would not help with diaper changes or feedings or anything. He was lazy when it came to everything else. Male childcare workers are fun, I guess, but a lot of the job is not playing, it's diapers and cleaning up vomit and helping them eat and sitting down to read etc etc..
chlo,
Is there that much of a difference between daycare and nannying that you would be fine with a male daycare worker, but not with a male nanny?
I am 100% for males working in childcare, in any capacity.
Sarah,
So he would just sit there like a bump on a log when it was time to feed them, and pretended not to smell anything when they needed changing? Wow. That is pretty pathetic.
I have worked with several males in childcare centers and none of them were lazy.
Seriously. The whole "manny" irks me. Why are some people so put off by it? Hiring a manny is the SAME as hiring a female, you do the same reference and background checks, run the same reports.. Why does having a penis mean if you are interested in child care it's because you are a perv or shady? A friend of mine is a manny and he kicks oh so much ass, he puts most nannies to shame. Kids love him, parents love him, he's amazing. He isn't shady or weird at all but sadly he gets passed over a lot because he's a man.
All of the taboo bs just KILLS me. When a woman gets turned down for a job that is more "socially accepted" for a man to work, women freak out and start shouting women's rights and sexism.
When a man gets chastised for doing "women's work" he is pegged as a potential danger or creep.
Double standards piss me off.
*Not wanting to make it seem like I am pointing fingers to other posters here, I am definitely not. Just ranting, haha.
Just go with your gut instinct.
Only you would know what is best for your daughter.
If you have a bad "vibe" don't do it.
Yor instincts will help you make the right decision.
I personally wouldn't hire a male nanny/childcare provider.
op , you are a feminist jerk. too bad you dont have a son.
Just like nannyinmanhattan said, trust your gut.
I wouldn't pick a nanny based solely on one characteristic--gender or otherwise.
If you are uncomfortable with this daycare situation for any reason, skip it. If you are just unsure, some centers may let you go tour and hang out for a bit and observe. Let your daughter play and see how well she fits in and how well they meet her needs.
Best wishes
I agree with Chlo. I am fine with teachers or daycare workers who are male since they are in a group setting and there is other adult supervision.
I would not hire a male nanny who would be alone with my daughter. I just don't think it's worth the risk of sexual abuse. I know it's slim, but the reality is the vast majority of sexual abuse is perpetrated by males. Just not worth the risk and my discomfort. I understand that it might not make sense logically, but I know I would always have a little doubt and that is not worth it for me.
I'm with NYC mom. Exactly what I wanted to say after I reread the post and realized she was not differentiating between mannies and teachers.
I think male nannies or teachers are extremely important to offer a positive male role model. Most children will have mostly female teachers their whole lives, which is completely imbalanced.
Males have a lot to offer to a child. And as far as the sexual stuff is concerned, you have to remember how rare that actually is. And I know of a male who was sexually abused by a teenage girl babysitter when he was only five! So you can't assume men are dangerous.
stellarlikewoah, thank you! First, there is a new teacher at my son's preschool, and I have come to realize HE is ten times a better teacher than the previous one, who he replaced. Mainly I have noticed the way he mediates conflicts between kids (almost 3's to 3 1/2's, basically), and his solutions and guidance are spectacular. He does the diapers right outside the bathroom door, with the mat on the floor, as opposed to right INSIDE the bathroom with the door open and the mat on the floor, as everyone else does (it's a co-op school).
When my son was tiny, (about 3 mos) I tried to go back to work, and we had a PT nanny. A male one. He was wonderful from everything we saw, and we felt great about him. Very shortly after concluding our very exhaustive nanny search and hiring him, the shit hit the fan at my job so I decided to stay home with the baby, and I felt really bad for him. He is no longer nannying, but was HIGHLY recommended by all his references, who I personally talked to at length, and he had nannied for twin babies under a year old, and had done nanny shares with 3 tiny babies. Everyone raved about him. It all depends on the person and I think it's just plain silly to hold that prejudice against half the population for no valid reason, based only on paranoia and hysteria.
"I am sure he is a great guy, but I am just not sure."
I would have absolutely no problems with a male teacher in a daycare. In fact, my son had one when he was in daycare and as far as I could tell he was at least as good as the female teachers. I think it is great that kids get to spend time with both male and female caregivers. Now, if I had to hire a nanny in my home, I do not think I would be looking out for a male nanny, but I do realize that this is pure prejudice and I would probably be missing out on outstanding people.
a,
Yes. He would just sit there while I changed thirty shitty diapers throughout the day. I guess he felt like it was a girl's job and playing football with them was his job.. how fun for me!
Most guys don't want to take care of children. It naturally makes me wonder why a few of them do? I guess it's sexist, but I wouldn't hire a male nanny. Especially for young children in diapers, the job is really hands-on and I would rather have a female providing all of that care for my children.
Thinking like this is what steretypes men as caregivers. I would hire a man based on the same qualifications as a woman. there are lots of men out there who are great caregivers, and some who never should be near children. Just like women. I wouldn't base not using this daycare just on the fact that there is a man there!
My son used to babysit all the time when he was younger and he was great with kids.
sarah,
you were negligent as a care provider if you did you speak with him/administration regarding his refusal to meet his own job description, which I'm certain included diapering.
You have a responsibility as a classroom teacher to ensure that you are not taking on an unfair workload. With all due respect, why did you not address this issue? I cannot imagine that any director would have stood for it.
If you did address this issue, what did your director have to say?
sorry meant to type "if you did not" speak with him/administration.
I personally don't have a problem with male teachers and I think they're great. I don't know that I would really hire a male nanny, but I think a male teacher is a different story.
I'm a nanny myself, and a few of the kids I have nannied for have had male teachers. Most recently, a 5 year old I cared for was doing a summer day camp for a few hours a day. Her main teacher was a man and he was great. She loved him so much so that she said he was her favorite teacher and she hoped her upcoming teacher would "be a boy too".
Men may not have the same nurturing side as women do, but they can be great teachers. They are usually very enthusiastic and can relate to kids very well.
They do say that men mature slower than women, so maybe that's part of it...they're still like big kids themselves! (that is half joking and half not)
:)
GIVE. ME. A. BREAK.
sexism is sad. would it be wrong for me to teach at an all boy's school?
Stellarlikewoah: AMEN!!
Yep, I am sexist. I would never under any circumstances hire a male nanny. Why? Because more than 95% of all molesters/rapists/sex offenders are men. It's reality, and it's a chance I just don't have to take.
Is it bad that I would hire a male nanny, but that he would have to be more on the feminim side and preferably gay?
Um, yeah, it would be bad. Would you ask during an interview, "Are you gay?"
I think mannys can be just as good as nannys. You just have to look at their references and go based on that. Especially if you have a son, I think a manny, as long as they are qualified, would be a great fit.
Not too sure about a manny changing a girls diaper with all the folds in stuff. If I had a son I wouldn't hesitate to look at any mannys who applied for the job.
i work at a daycare that has a male worker there. the kids love him... and because it is in an environment where children are never left completely alone with him parents feel it is safe and that it is great that their kids get a positive male influence.It is a shame that the stigma is that all males are molesters, because it is so important to have multiple prospectives growing up.
OP: You may want to ask about the policies at the daycare for male workers as well as look closely at the student to teacher ratios. Before my oldest entered school, she and my middle baby (both girls) were in a daycare center that had male employees in two of the rooms, one of which my youngest was in. In order to protect themselves and their employees, their male employees were not allowed to assist children with pottying or diapering. (They did take the lead in several other areas--and I never heard that the female teachers--one of which I was good friends with and drove home daily--resented this policy.) All the teachers there were great, but IF any of the employees there were inclined towards abusive behavior, the teacher to student ratios were so low, they would really have to conspire with other teachers to even have the opportunity to be alone with a child.
nlar,
I can't believe that daycare wouldn't allow men to potty! That sounds illegal and sexist.
So it is fine for a woman to change and help potty a girl and a boy, but a guy can't help with either? That is sexist.
My daughter had a male teacher at her daycare. He was awesome with the kids (he had been a stay at home dad before he started at the daycare). To avoid even the thought of anything "improper," he was not allowed to take the girls to the restroom (he was in the pre-K room with 4-5 year old kids). I was fine with that, and like I said, he was absolutely great with the kids, and they loved him too.
there is a manny I know, I'm a nanny, and I see him all the time at the mall playplace and he is great with his charges. Also, one of my good friends works in a daycare, there is a guy teacher there and he's great with the kids.
guys can be good child care workers. In fact, I know a lot of guys who are better at childcare then a lot of girls I know.
So you will allow a woman to take care of your son but not allow a man to take care of your daughter?
That is a silly consideration.
Especially as he will be one of her teachers.
Do you let your brother/brother in law change your daughter? Then you should let a professional person who has been screened for a history or abuse do his job.
Sarah, Umass is right. You wimped on on YOUR job duties if you never addressed this problem and just sat there and scowled about it instead.
Jenny, 95% of rapists may be males, but that does not mean that 95% of males are rapists. DFD. (new web abbreviation meaning "Duh Fu--ing Duh").
And yes, a male could probably sue for gender discrimination for being required to perform his job duties under different resrictions than females doing the same job. It's no different than requiring women to wear high heels to run an obstacle course while men are allowed to wear jogging shoes.
The policy at my son's school actually may be statewide, and that is that the bathroom door is supposed to be always open whenever ANYONE is helping a child to potty, or diapering, and technically, even when a child is pottying on their own, it's supposed to not be fully closed for safety reasons. So that parents and teachers are always aware a child is in there, and know if they need assistance.
I adore most male teachers I know, they have been such an asset in my children's education!
I also met several male caregivers/manny's and they were all great. Some children may need more of a male influence than they are currently getting. Not all children relate to female caregivers and teachers and they may lack some 'male insights' that can be dealt with this way. Some fathers work 24/7, some children may live in a single parent (read mother) household (for all sorts of reasons) and it may very well work out for those children to have a male influence in their lives. Not that I'm saying I'm opposed to same-sex marriages or couples, it's just that the world exists of two genders and it may help them in their social lives to feel comfortable around both sexes.
Saying that men should not care providers is tantamount to saying that child care is women's work, and that is just crap-ola.
We need to instill in our kids that both men and women are care-givers, or they will grow up with old fashioned notions that girls = mommy/caregivers and boys = wage workers. I feel very strongly about that because we do our kids (boys or girls) no favours when we limit their thinking/behaviour about gender roles and expectations.
Personally...
I think those against Mannies or Male teachers are sexist!
Why does sex of the caregiver matter? If they are good with children and work well for your situation, then that is all that counts!
Stop being so sexist!
I guess there is always going to be people out there who think guys don't have a clue as to how to change a diaper, or help a girl in the bathroom, and they will continue to think that guys can't keep it in their pants, thus they shouldn't be around kids. These people are going to want their kids to have female teachers for their entire life, and as a result their kids are probably going to miss out on some great male teachers.
Wow! manny, good idea to fix a male nanny or babysitter. Most of the houses husband can change
their babies diapers and cleaning of vomit. So, I cant accept sarah's comment.Some guys are
lazy but not all.
I am an asstistant preschool teacher and have been working with a male assistant teacher for 7 years. He is fantastic, and won't hesitate in a minute to change a poopy diaper. He also holds music class for all the classrooms in the school. He has done babysitting for the children, and the parents trust him completely with them. I totally understand that all men teachers are not like him, but they're out there... If there is concern still, ask the school if all of the teachers in the center have been cleared by the Dept. Of Health. We must have a certain amount of paperwork which will include fingerprinting by the state, and it follows by a letter stating there is no criminal record of any misdoings on file. Good Luck....
I am a native New Yorker who is a live-in male nanny downtown; have been "mannying" for over three years now for boys all over Manhattan, in addition to working camps, schools, daycare, etc. I am only twenty years old, and like to think of myself as a pretty good manny (btw I hate this word). I understand the beef that some parents have with male nannies - me being a one, I still have my reservations about OTHER male nannies. Some don't care about the kids and just want to get paid to play sports all day, while others are just plain old weird. These are the 35 year old mannies (I call them losers) you see in Central Park all the time, with the scruffy beard and GAP jeans...babysitting is a job for people in their 20s, if you're over 30, a guy, and want to spend 40+ hours a week looking after kids who are not yours, you need to see a therapist. No one wants to spend that much time with kids! You should go into teaching or child psychology, etc., no one wants to play tag and change wet pants for the rest of their lives; no one! No mannies, nannies, or moms! I once went to an agency job interview (btw don't hire anyone from agencies), and talked to the other male nannies; all over 30, all grad school dropouts, all meathead yuppies with nothing smart to say, and were expecting to get $70/hr to babysit - "with my age, I can request that much more,"..no you can't. I am studying to be a male teacher, and think its GREAT for guys to go into that field, but just be cautious of who you hire to watch your kids, male or female, and don't pay outrageous amounts of money for someone who your kid will soon realize is lame.
this is old but as a male nanny/preschool teacher i had to comment
I have found that any place that doesnt allow me to change diapers, take kids to the bathroom, give the kids hugs, let them sit on my lap or that such has been the most stressful job situations ive ever been in. reason being is that 98% of the parents that ive encountered have really felt akward by the fact that i wasnt allowed to do these things. And so was I. it felt very strange and downing for me to tell a child that I couldnt give them a hug cause id get in trouble, or put them off my lap when the just wanted to read a story with me, OR when i told them that I couldnt take them to the bathroom but so and so could, even when they were not very comfortable with that person. I dont like changing diapers, or taking kids to the bathroom, and helping them wipe etc. I love working with 18montholds-3 year olds cause its my niche its the time when they really need a male role model because that is the time that the y start to really establish that moms and dads or boys and girls can do anythihg. Furthermore i love it because its just never boring. but man do i wish they were potty trained from birth!, but every job no matter how great has its downside, in being a preschool teacher working with infants-young four year olds its the area of potty training and diapers.
its really an embarasing question and ive had to ask during the interview, will i be allowd to do my job. in other words all the duities, not one preschool has said yes to those, andif anyone really knows of any please do let me know. via my email jesuswasone@hotmail.com. i am compiling a list of potential preschool sthat i will contact after i finish my MA in early childhood education (im done with my BA right now and i will be applying to tufts soon) that will allow me to do my job and where i can find a job being a TRUE early childhood educator and not have to worry about stuff like that.
reasons why it is sterssful is becase i have to ask otehrs to do my job, and it makes myself look like i dont want to do it simply because of saftey but i agree its bullshit when i myself would change diapers in full view of anyone, (ie like calimom said) or be visible to anyone when helpiong a kid go to the bathroom. ill never forget the time i had to change one kid after 30 mins of waiting for my female staff member who never came, and boy was MOM mad, that i didnt do it right away.
there are definitly parents who will question this as this mom did, but thats where i tell them, mam sir "you are defintly more than welcome to come and view what i do, because they are your children NOT mine" so far only two parents felt uneasy about a male when i worked at a center.
I became a nanny because i wouldnt have to deal with this crap, (no pun intended) i have over 11+years of experince with kids ages 5months-6years of age as a nanny and a preschool teaher, my infant experince was from my nanny experince. myfirst charge was a 5month old girl, and her 2 year old brother i cared for them till they wre 2. yep stinky diapers, i hated that, but what i loved was the bonding times i shared with her and the fun i had with both of them, mom and dad were so suprised to learn that i was one of the only people who could get her to go to sleep in her own bed whearas they had a hard time :) . I also went into nannying cause i could finally do my job and not worry about the other bs of being treated like crap, and just cause of my gender. seriously i then also dont get why they hired me int he first place, but i think its cause they are looking to make their center look good and say hey we do support diversity... yeah right!
i agree with japple on many accounts, but the whole one about being a nanny and 40... err dude there are nannys that are older than that that are female shoud they see therapists? well heh i think so mostly cause i only see them sitting on their butts doing nothing!, and they ahve VERY energetic kids.
calimoim the policy is statewide and i definitly approve of it, but the directors ive worked iwth have told me that even that doesnt matter males still cant change diapers or help kids go to the bathroom cause of what parents say... ive asked what did they say? they enver told me jack. other than its for your own protection... i told them that when i was quitiing and then also informed them of the real reason why they took their children out of the center..
i mean even as a nanny i make sure im not always alone with the kids and when i am such as when the parents go on dates or such i make sure that i tell them every thing that went down during the time they were away, and when changing the kids, i watch what i say so that nothing is taken out of context, etc. my mb and db trust me like theiir family BUT i am a employee still and they arent direct family, bottom line is, and this goes for anyone working with kids male or female, be cautious these are NOT your kids. so sarah as to answer your question on why few do, its becaue of the whole diaper issue and accusation, i for one have just put my foot down and said NO i will do what i am good at and that is being a teacher for the age group i know i am good at, i work for the parents, not the co-workers. i would have defintly helped you out if you helped me do it sometime as well. but hey where am i going to find a place where i would be able to do my job :(
so as to the mom who was concerend about haivng a MALE TEACHER not a male nanny(even though the two are quite diffrent) get to kno him and observe him, if he holds any animosity torwards your concern, then find a diffrent center and also tell his director.
and to all who are wondering...(even though it is quite perverted) yes i do know how to help both BOYS AND GIRLS in the bathroom.
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