Received Thursday, October 9, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
My husband and I have had the same wonderful nanny for the past three years. A few months ago we met the nanny's mother, when we ran into the pair at a local coffeeshop. We ended up sitting with them for quite some time and learned that the mother is about our age–(the nanny is a grad student–and has been divorced for a number of years.
Our nanny's mother is a lovely woman, and since we met, she has accompanied the nanny, our daughter and our son on various outings. My question is this: Our nanny has mentioned a couple of times that she'd like her mother to find someone to spend time with. My husband and I would like to have the mother over for dinner, as well as the nanny (who of course, will not be working; the kids can hang at my sister's). We would also like to invite a partner from my husband's firm––yes, as a sort of set up.
SO: Would it be okay to broach the subject with my nanny? Both my husband and I think his partner would really enjoy our nanny's mother, and since she has mentioned it in the past, we don't think it would be totally out of the blue, but...all responses appreciated.
Thanks!
15 comments:
I think it would be a very, very sweet thing to do, as long as they agree up front to it and it's not an ambush set up.
yeah, for sure. If she had brought it up before to you, i'm sure she'd be very pleased to see that you are keeping that in mind. how thoughtful :)
You should stay out of it.
I think its a personal issue with the nanny and her mother and although its a nice gesture and wise to ask the opinions of others, on a personal note, I wouldn't want my employers setting up my mother with a man, whether I mentioned it or not and whether or not my mother is a nice person.
Remember the nanny is your employee and too many casual dinner dates and recreation together may change the relationship and make it harder for you and her to be more professional when the need arises.
There is a thing of becoming too friendly in a work environment. You wouldn't want her to think you're her 'pal' and she become 'laid back' on her job and you and her such 'close friends' that you feel pressure to bring it to her attention...now would you??
This scenario could happen so be warned!!
I'm not trying to be callous here...
Now you want to include her mother?
Think about what could happen after that...
Just keep it professional.
She takes care of your baby and whatever else you assigned,you pay her. Thats it.
Is this your first time with a nanny by the way?
Aw! That sounds so cute!
Your gesture is sweet and very thoughtful. Why not simply ask the nanny's mom for permission to pass her phone number on to the partner. That way,you are not too involved.
Hopefully it will ba a fabulous friendship or more but just in case things get weird I would hate to see you lose your nanny. We all know how protective we are over our mom's!!
Sorry to be a naysayer, but I would be careful about getting TOO involved in your nanny's personal life. I like the advice about giving the Nanny's Mom's number to your husband's partner and then stepping aside. You don't want to take too active a role in case it doesn't work out.
Just a litte true story: My neighbor down the street had a wonderful nanny that she really cared for and was her friend as well as her employee. She introduced her to her Brother-in-Law in a bit of a dinner date set up and they hit it off. They started dating and one thing let to another and they got engaged. My neighbor was thrilled and the nanny was very happy until she caught the BIL cheating on her. She broke off the engagement and quit her job with no notice. She said she felt humiliated and did not want the reminders of being in my neighbor's home and so close to the family--understandable given the situation. Net, net what my neighbor felt was a good deed completely backfired and her children lost their beloved caregiver, she lost an employee and friend, her and her husband have not spoken to the BIL in almost a year, and she feels responsible for causing someone she cared about incredible pain.
nlar,
were there NO signs that the BIL was a jerk before that?
OP, I am assuming that you know this man and woman both are of high moral caliber, or you wouldn't be matching them up, right?
I just think sometimes it's nice to go out on a limb for somebody, in the right circumstance of course, without always worrying so much about how it may someday, somehow cost us something personally.
Oooh, I love a good (non ambush) set-up!! My first reaction was to say yes, go for it, but nanny in manhattan made some really good points.
But mom also makes a good point. How about a middle way: if you truly think they might hit it off why don't instead of being directly involved (setting up the dinner, etc) you just pass the numbers along and they can perhaps meet for coffee?
I think it is totally fine and really sweet.
MYOB. While it is lovely to think that they will live happily ever after, it is NOT worth the risk if they don't.
Everyone knows how my story ended...Sometimes the match making is the right thing to do. ask if both parties are interested, match and walk away. If it doesn't work out, don't try it again. Sure beats other ways she may meet people.
One a side note: I have a new cleaning guy and he told me he met his wife (newly married and she has a 7 month old baby) on line. He paid to bring her over from the Phillipines. He seems sweet and I am sure she is lovely, but I would feel better for him if he had met her the old fashioned way - family mettling and matchmaking!
BTW I would never set up the nanny with a friend, only her mother, unless she no longer worked for me. Being set up with the nanny worked for Tiger...
This sounds like a nice idea, and a word of advice: caution. When setting people up, use your discretion. Maybe invite the man to dinner, introduce the two of them and that's it. Let them decide if they want to go out, that way, if it doesn't work out, any and all parties involved won't feel awkward.
Hmm, if you REALLY want to introduce them, you could also host a party, with more people invited than JUST your nanny, her mom, and the guy. Find some excuse (Halloween??) and invite a bunch of guests, making sure to let the nanny and her mom know that there is a gentleman invited whose company you think she might enjoy. Include them both in the crowd, let them talk if they want and leave it at that. That way they can socialize but won't feel like they are under a microscope and if it doesn't work out for them and she somehow gets hurt, (or HE does), you can distance yourself a bit from the introduction.
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