Do I have the right to know?

I work through an agency. I have been assigned to a new family this summer as my current mother won't be working. This past weekend, I went to watch the new kids for an afternoon to get to know them and the house better. I was interviewed by the father and have only spoken to the father...never the mother. I was informed at the interview that it was very important that I have a clean driving record as the mother had a dui. Well, I finally met her when I went to see the kids this weekend. She was wearing a brace on her hand and seemed a tad off. When she saw her daughter and I playing in the girls room, she waved and said hi to the child as if it were her niece she isn't close to and not actually her child. The father apologized to me and said that his wife would sleep for most of the afternoon while he was out. I am not sure what is going on. Was there an accident? Is she on pain medications or did something get seriously injured? I am wondering if I have the right to know as the moms odd behavior may have huge effects on the 3 kids. The family, nor the agency said anything.

Extra Breast Milk for Sale

The benefits of breast milk over formula are well-documented and emphatically supported by the office of the Surgeon General. But how far is too far to go for breast milk? A new website is testing the limits. Onlythebreast.com,  lets new mothers sell their own breast milk by the ounce to buyers across the country. Prices range from $300 to $2000 for a month's supply, depending on the recency of childbirth, the advertised health of the mother, and, ominously, the willingness of the mother to sell to men for "alternative uses."
New mothers have tried to sell extra milk for some time on Craiglist. But Craigslist pulls such posts whenever they're noticed; bodily fluids sit between "Nonprescription drugs that make false or misleading treatment claims" and "Household pets of any kind" on the site's list of prohibited items of sale, in accordance with some state statutes. Read the full article with sample ads on the Huffington Post.

Happy Birthday MPP

Thank you for everything you do every day!

TJ Max at 97th Street - New York

I saw a nanny at TJ Maxx today at 1:30pm. The fire alarm was being tested so there was deafening noise. The baby was screaming and the nanny was about to get in line to buy a dress! I approached her and said she needed to get that baby out of there immediately. She argued but other people said the same thing so she brought the baby out.

The nanny was in her 50s or 60's, african american, I think had some sort of accent, short bob, red short sleeved shirt. The baby was (possibly) a girl and approximately 8-10 months old with a white dress and some plaid design on the top. She was screaming and red-faced. I have a baby too and couldn't watch this baby being tortured. I hope her Mom reads this!

How on Earth do you Discipline an Almost Two Year Old?!

By Nanny Megan
Now that we are entering the ever so special “terrible terrific twos,” we have been faced with A’s new love for testing boundaries. No has become a word that just goes in one ear and out the other, which isn’t surprising for a 21 month old.

Over the last year, we have made sure to keep the house a safe place for A to run around and play. Every possible danger has been child proofed or placed out of reach, but that doesn’t keep A from trying to get to them. He has learned how to open doors, climb on things to reach items that are out of his reach, open up bottles/cans/containers, use remotes and telephones, unlock the car and open car doors, and the list goes on. Even though most of this stuff is child proofed, he still just cannot be stopped.

My questions is, how do you discipline a child who chooses to not listen to the word NO. We have tried lots, and obviously some methods work better than others. We have done time outs, which is the method that we are still using that has made a slight difference, but not an overly noticeable difference unless you are with A every day. His mom pulled the whole smacking the hand, which I am against unless it is truly necessary, ignoring the bad behavior, getting down to A’s level and explaining to him wrong and right, putting him in his room for 1-2 minutes, and distracting him, etc.

The question I leave you with is, what discipline method works for you? Which ones have you tried that haven’t been successful?
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Please visit Megan's Blog at: http://minglingwithmegan.blogspot.com/

Did I do the Right Thing?

To start things off, this is my first job as a nanny. I have two families that I work with and have been doing so a little over a month. We'll call the first family T and the second family S. I first got interviewed by family T who didn't call me back after a week. A few days later I get a call from family S for an interview. I made an instant connection with their child and they hired me on the spot. It turns out that Family T actually had wanted to work with me. I KNEW I wouldn't be able to handle two jobs at once and so I rejected Family T's offer. But once I found out that they were willing to work around my schedule, I relented and agreed to watch over their child, who I adored as well.

I have little or no problem with family S but I can't say the same for family T. Their schedule is completely off balanced. Sometimes they'd have me coming in at 6:00 in the morning, and then the next day at 7:30, sometimes 7 AM one week, and sometimes even none at all. What's even worse is that they would not give me my schedule until the night before and sometimes even the day of. There's been an instance where I was just a few blocks away from their house when they called me and said, "We don't need you to come in today." I've always been understanding of their busy schedule and had no complaints.

Now here comes the problem. Last week, family S has made me known to me that their child needs to be picked up at 12:30 tomorrow and I had it all set. Last Sunday, family T made it known they need me to come in Friday evening. I thought this works out well since I usually stay with family S just 3 hours. I could immediately go to family T afterwards. But my plans were crushed. Just tonight, at 10 PM, I get a text from family T saying that they need me tomorrow to come in at 12. This is the SECOND time that they've asked me to come in like this and the second time I've turned them down because of prior plans.

I've always been a passive person and saying no has always been difficult for me. And I feel like this being my second time saying no makes me look completely unreliable. Please be honest and tell me: Did I do the right thing? Should I have cancelled with family S instead? Is there even an appropriate way of handling this and if so, how? I will await for your answers. Thank you so much.

Traveling Nannies... What Should They Expect?

Question for all of the experienced professional nannies. What is it like for you when you travel with families? I'm currently on location with a family I work for - my charge just turned 1 year old and her parents are at a conference for the week so I'm here to basically watch the baby. I didn't really have any idea what I should ask for or insist on when I agreed to this, but this is what I have experienced so far...

I came from a different state than the family so when I got into the airport I had to get myself a taxi over to the hotel. The parents apparently forgot that a room key is needed to make it past security near the elevators so I had to call momboss who had to call dadboss and then I had to wait for him to come down and let me in. The room is a suite, 2 bedrooms, but the bedrooms are for the parents and baby, and the business partner who is also in town for the conference. There was supposed to be a pull-out couch in the living room area for me, but there's not, so I am sleeping on a cot next to the couch. When they said living area, I thought it would be an actually separate living room, but instead it is the area right next to the main door to the suite.

When dadboss told me about the problem with the cot/couch he told me that I basically had the option of sleeping on this cot, or they had looked into getting me my own room in a hotel right down the street, because apparently the one we're in is full. He then went on to insinuate how inconvenient it would be and how it would be a really big added expense for them, but if that's what I wanted they would do it. Of course I felt like I couldn't say I wanted that.

I was assured that I would have plenty of time to sleep and everyone would go to bed early, but it's currently 9:00, which is 12:00 our home time and everyone is just now heading to their rooms. Dadboss is still out on the town so he is going to come in at who knows what time and walk right through what is essentially my bedroom to get to his room.

They never really give me definite on/off times. Like tonight for example. I got in this afternoon, went out to lunch with the group, and then was left with the baby in the afternoon around 3. Momboss was supposed to be home in a few hours, as 5 be baby's bedtime at home, and she sleeps in the parents' bed and does not sleep well when they aren't around. However, she didn't get back until around 8, and baby (who is actually sick right now too) spent the time alternating between sleeping and screaming.

I'm sharing a bathroom with the business partner and I'll have to go through her room to get to it. She's very nice but I'm still a little bit uncomfortable with it. In the morning dadboss and the partner will be leaving by 8, so she'll be using the bathroom from 7-8. Momboss wasn't really clear about when she will be leaving, just that it will be sometime after them. I have no idea when I'm supposed to be on duty. I assume I'll get up early because of the time difference, and I have no problem being ready whenever, but I don't want to walk through her room before she's awake, and I won't be able to use it after that until 8 which is when everyone is leaving. So basically I'll be sitting out in the kitchen in my pajamas until dadboss and the partner leave.

I don't know, maybe it will get better. Or maybe traveling with families is never fun or comfortable. Does anyone have any insights you can share with me? I'd really appreciate any advice you can give me- I know I did a terrible job of laying out the job description before the trip, and I definitely wont make that mistake again. So what SHOULD traveling with a family look like?

Working Out a NannyShare

I am a nanny who has posted here before. There is a good possibility that I will be taking on another child in addition to the three that I currently work with. The two families live on the same road and our "home base" would stay the same but we'll just have another child. I was wondering if anyone has nannied for two families at the same time and could offer advice. The two moms and I are going to sit down with all of our concerns/questions about how this would work and I'd just like some input. What are things we should work out before this begins? The only things I've thought of are payment and vacation time/days off... I'd love any advice!

I Saw Your Nanny Chatboard

We have just finished setting up a chatboard. The registration is quick and easy. For this to get going though, we need all of you who voiced an interest in such a forum to register and start posting! Any suggestions you have, please share! We have set up a specific forum for nannies looking for jobs and employers looking for nannies; as well as other forums as suggested.

Check the board out now: http://isawyournanny.boardhost.com/index.php

Mediocrity or Specialist?

Rebecca Nelson Lubin


In my freshman year of college, my assignment one day in my poetry class was to memorize and be ready to recite exactly half of the poem “The Waking” by Theodore Roethke. I dutifully went to my dorm room and studied the poem up to the halfway mark. The next day in class I stood up and beautifully recited exactly half of the poem. My professor said,

“Excellent Rebecca. Let’s hear the rest.”

I said, “You only said I had to learn half.”

My Professor sighed and said, “Well then Rebecca, welcome to mediocrity.”

When I retold this story to my mother her advice was more to the point. She told me to try and not live my life half assed. In my personal and professional life, she said, aim higher than the halfway mark. Do not do only what is asked of you, but always go the extra mile.

When I began my professional life as a Nanny, I kept this close as my code of ethics with my work. My agency had described my responsibilities for this first job as “everything related to the children,” that being, keeping track of their clothes, their toys, their school things, keeping all their play areas tidy and preparing them simple meals. It was easy work, and my first charges and I were able to spend hours engaged in games with very little other responsibilities to worry about. I had initiative however, and would ask my employer if there was anything else I could do around the house. When the four year old was in preschool, instead of taking a break and hanging out in a café sipping a latte, I began to run errands. I became familiar with everything and anything my employer needed in his daily life. I learned to anticipate what he required before he realized it was a necessity.

“How did you know I wanted smoked salmon?” He would say, happily putting together his favorite afternoon snack.

By the time I had been employed for six months, he had handed to me over all the responsibilities for opening his summerhouse. I had taken a job as a Nanny but had become more of a House Manager, and was beginning to learn the skill set required for a Personal Assistant. Taking on these roles enabled me to stay gainfully employed long after the children were grown. I worked part time as a Personal Assistant for my first family long after the need for employing a nanny had come and gone. I had shown my first boss that I had ingenuity and that I was resourceful, and that I liked a challenge.

It has been interesting to me to follow the on going argument on this blog about the responsibilities of the nanny. As research for this article, I called three major Nanny agencies in three major cities. All three agencies had the same basic message: Nannies are responsible for ALL aspects of childcare, and that includes any work related duties that are directly associated with the children. Nannies wash the children’s clothes. Nannies wash the children’s dishes. Nannies clean up the children’s toys. Nannies scrub the crumbs off the car seats and the strollers. The Nanny changes the diaper pail and keeps the baby items stocked and in order. This is part of the territory that goes with the job.

Sue Collins, a placement consultant at Aunt Ann’s In House Staffing in San Francisco, one of the oldest (founded in 1958!) and most renowned agencies in the California, spoke to me at length about the process of presenting candidates for childcare for prospective families in the Bay Area. Her opinion is that the first and foremost important aspect of pairing a nanny and a family is the security that comes with using an agency such as Aunt Ann’s as her candidates are screened, have had a back ground check, have excellent references and are up to date on their CPR qualifications and have a proven clean driving record. She stresses that in the placement profession it’s not a one size fits all Nanny fit – it comes down to a personality match and communication with the family and that remains a priority above what chores she will and won’t do. Yes, she said, there are childcare professionals out there who will only do childcare. Period. And there are families out there who will hire these nannies because the expectations for their employment had already been discussed. However, Ms. Collins did point out that even when she places a newborn specialist, such as a Baby Nurse with 20 plus years experience, that employee would still tiptoe around in the middle of the night and fold laundry and sterilize bottles. Communication of the job expectation is always key. The priority is always the children, but the Nanny is responsible for the well being of the entire family. I have been placed by Aunt Ann’s for several - including my current – jobs in the Bay Area. Each and every one has had a section of my contract directly related to my responsibilities to the upkeep of the house. Let me be very clear here: I am not a housekeeper. I am, however, the keeper of the house, and beyond the immediate needs of the children I have always been responsible in every job I have ever had for everything related to the upkeep of the home, from running the dishwasher to running errands. And I love it. Personally I would be bored without errands. I asked Ms. Collins about the topic of “job creep”, that popular theme that runs through so many postings on ISYN. She, as a placement professional, saw it differently. She said that as the relationship between the nanny and the employer develops, so do the skills that the nanny has brought with her to the job. She gave the following example: One night the nanny cooks dinner for the family. The parents realize that the nanny is an incredible cook. They realize that employing a nanny who can cook for them is something that they want. The nanny realizes that in providing cooking, she is becoming an even more integral part of the household and that makes her a more valuable employee, and one with a huge bargaining chip in her next salary review, another notch on her resume for when she is ready for her next job and a glowing recommendation from her employers stating how she was willing to take up any challenge with a great attitude.

Finally, Ms Collins advised, it is key the beginning of any employee- employer relationship is to write up an employment agreement where expectations and duties are outlined and the family and nanny can agree upon them from day one to ensure a long and happy relationship.

I also interviewed an incredibly insightful man at a major agency who would only speak with me on the condition of being completely anonymous as ISYN is viewed with distain as a very negative website in the professional placement community. (Really? US???) He said that there is a huge difference between an employee who views herself as an “owner” and one who views herself as merely an “employee”. The nanny with the “owner” mentality will always go above and beyond her job description, always reaching to improve her job performance, with career advancement in mind, treating her employer’s home and family as if they were her own. Now I know there will be the naysayers on this site who will comment that there in no possible career advancement in the nanny profession, but I beg to differ. In 1997 I went from an occasional babysitter who loved children to a full time professional nanny. In the past 14 years I have never backed down from any challenge any employer ever threw at me, from arranging flowers to arranging travel, and my salary and benefits grew as my responsibilities did. In the five years at my current job I have moved from the simple role of Nanny to the numerous and dynamic roles of House Manager, Personal Assistant, Administrative Assistant, Project Manager, Party Planner, Vacation Coordinator and Concierge. With my latest assignment, obtaining auction items for a benefit my employers hosted, I joked that I could now add Fundraiser to my resume. Their response?

“Why would you ever need a resume again?”

I think that would be my main point here, in this country’s unsure economic nature, wouldn’t you want to ensure that you would be the only person your employer could ever imagine doing your job? I strive to be seen as an irreplaceable. So far, so good.

I did finally memorize the last part of the Theodore Roethke poem, and it has become a bit of a mantra for me in my life.

“I wake to sleep and take my waking slow, I learn by going where I have to go.”
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Rebecca Nelson Lubin is a writer and Nanny who resides in the San Francisco Bay Area. You may read more of her articles at http://www.abandofwives.ning.com/

Outings With An Almost Two Year Old

By Nanny Megan
As a nanny, I am constantly trying to find new activities to introduce little “A” to. We go on two education outings a week. One with our playgroup, and another by ourselves. Living in the San Diego area, we are never at a loss when it comes to planning activities. The challenge is planning the activities at a time of day when A is in a “good” mood. Asking a two year old to sit in a stroller or stay put in one area is like asking dog not to lick its but. It is nearly impossible.

There are times when MB will leave a list of errands she needs taken care of, which I am more than happy to do since shopping is my forte, but taking A out when he is not up for it is like entering the gates of HELL. You have to deal with tantrums every few seconds, hyper-ness, wanting to stand up in the shopping cart or stroller, tearing up stores, and etc. Dealing with this for quite some time with A has taught me to be prepared for anything.

Now, we never go on an outing without the ERRAND BAG. Similar to a diaper bag, yet it is filled with goodies to try and distract from the ever so frightening tantrums. In this bag, one could find a lunchbox full of snacks (crackers, fruit, sippy cup, granola bars, fruit leather, and/or string cheese), toys that are only used while on an outing (old keys, old cell phones, Elmo’s Learn and Play guitar, plastic dinosaurs, and last but not least, the coveted iTouch, which is used only for emergencies).

So after this post, I leave you with a question. Is there an item, food, or toy that you use only for errands/outings?
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Please visit Megan's Blog at: http://minglingwithmegan.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much for your patience Megan!

Calling All Nannies in the Center City Area

Hey! I am a first time full time live out Nanny in Center City Philadelphia. I love my job but my charge is only 5 months old so it's very quiet. Most of my friends are still in school and I have not been able to connect with other nannies (craigslist, meetup, googling; nothings working). Could you direct me to where I could find other nannies to meet up with or at least to talk to? I have lots of questions and would love someone to relate to! Thanks so much! Kate

Summer Contracts

Hello, I'm a student nanny, and as such, the majority of my employment is during the summers. Last summer I didn't have a contract with my family, and that was something I really regretted, so I'd like to have a contract with the family I'm working for this summer. I've never done a contract for just a summer job, so I was wondering if anyone else ever had, and what it might look like? I have a copy of the contract with the family I worked with this past year, but I feel like the two jobs are so different that it barely applies. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Father's Day Craft Ideas?

Hello Nannies and parents,
Fathers day is fast approaching and I was wondering whether any of you had any good ideas for making gifts for Dads with young kids (under 4) I had lots of lovely ideas for mum and we ended up making some great clay hand prints and cool cards but Dad seems to be much harder to think of ideas for. The Internet seems to throw me lots of ideas around the tie concept which is pretty lame.

I also wondered whether all of you go to the effort of making gifts/crafts with your kids for these kind of holidays for the parents. We made some fantastic Christmas gifts for mb/db and although I have a great relationship with them they didn't mention anything about it after the holidays but I am sure that they were pleased. Thanks for your collective wisdom!

Advice Needed for Potty Training: Part Two

I just wanted to give everyone an update on how the potty training is going. I had a talk with the dad and we both agreed no more pullups, from the day she has started big girl panties she has had accident after accident. I have tried making her go every 30mins, even every 15mins, I have even let her decide for herself when she has to go, nothing is working. Yesterday was it for me, she pooped twice in her panties and didn't say a word, the second time (I didn't know she went) so I sent her to the bathroom to go potty and she ended up getting it all over herself and my bathroom. I had to give her a shower because having her clean herself was just making a bigger mess. I sent her dad a text to let him know what was going on and I told him that if he didn't get serious about potty training her, he was going to have to find somewhere else for her to go because I can't have her peeing and pooping everywhere. He tells me "big changes are coming, I'm going to take away all her toys and she has to earn them back by going on the potty". He is such a BSer, he swears up and down that when she gets home he puts her in panties and she stays dry. Everyday he asks me how she did with potty training, after I tell him the truth (I am not going to sugar coat it) He asks me questions like it was my fault "did you make her go every 30mins? was she playing? was she napping? Then he tells me "maybe she doesn't realize she has to go poop" Really?!? because you swear up and down she goes in the potty at your house, so she can recognize when she has to go at her house but not at mine. Doesn't make sense to me. He is making excuse after excuse, the other day he told me "well I read that a lot of girls are not potty trained till about 6 or 7" I wanted to say where the hell did you read that at?

So today, the day after we had a talk and he told me "I am going to take away all her toys" (which of course he didn't do), we decided on doing a potty chart. He brings me a chart with stickers and tells me every time she goes on the potty give her a sticker and for every sticker she gets a piece of candy. I ask him how she did the night before and he tells me oh she pooped her pants but went pee in the potty so she got a sticker. Then he goes with the whole "maybe she doesn't know she has to poop story" I don't get it, I don't think she should get a sticker unless she stays dry all day. He also brought her in pull-ups and when I told him I was going to have her go on the potty every 30mins he tells me "well she is in a pull-up so she can go every hour" I wanted to scream at him that I don't give a @#$% that she is in a pull-up, the whole point is to get her potty trained. I am going to try this method for a few weeks and if things do not improve, I am going to have to tell him to find someone else. I hate to do this because she is a sweet girl, but I have so much planned for the summer including outings with the kids and when she poops in her pants I have to stop whatever I am doing and cater to her because if I let her do it herself she will make a mess.

I will keep you guys updated on how everything is going.

Report Negligent Nannies Now

How to submit a sighting:
1) email isawyournanny@aol.com (with photo or video, if possible)
2) Leave sighting as a comment here. (anonymous)
3) Leave as an instant message using the MEEBO toolbar in the right hand sidebar of this ISYN page. (anonymous)
* All submissions are confidential and your identity is never disclosed.

INCLUDE THESE DETAILS IN YOUR SUBMISSION

Physical description of caregiver:

Physical description of involved child/children:

Address or venue of observed incident:

Date and time of incident:

Detailed description of what you witnessed:

Description of vehicle, bag, stroller that may aid in identifying involved caregiver:

Playground Thieves

I was at Hippo playground Riverside park on 90 street in manhattan on Friday afternoon, May 27. Lots of nannies gets paid on fridays right? I leave the stroller next to the sand box and I sit down in the sandbox with my charge.

I put my bag that is stuffed with bananas, magazines, a sweater etc in the stroller so I can keep an eye on it. When I leave the playground I have spent about 90 minutes there. On my way back to the childs house I reach into my bag and realise my wallet is gone. Who goes to the playground and steal from other nannies? Do nannies do this? Do mothers do this? Has anyone else lost their wallet in the playground or am I the only lucky one? I lost about $100 in cash but I lost my european driving licence which is my main concern. I feel so stupid for thinking a playground is a safe place. Im stupid for thinking that people dont want to steal from me. So to all your nannies out there: hold on to your money!

Mom Keeps Interupting Baby's Naptime

I am a nanny for an one year old, whose parents are very involved... almost too involved.. mom works from home - she interupts naptime. Baby's crying because she is over tired or natually doesn't want to sleep... anyway mom gets her playing, reading books, talking to her - everything but her sleep time. "Oh, she's crying - she is not ready for nap". HELP!!!

Is MB Paying Nanny too Much?

I live on Long Island. My nanny gets $600 per week for 4 days per week. 2 days are 10 hours each and 2 days are 8 hours each. She gets breakfast and lunch at my home and i pay for 50% of her commute in addition to her salary. She gets paid vacation (3 weeks) and she does her laundry at my house. She uses my car to take the children places. She just asked me for $100 dollars more a week which would be $700. Am i crazy to pay this much?

Grand Army Plaza Stop in Park Slope

I was profoundly disturbed by what I saw while passing a park bench just outside the 2/3 Grand Army Plaza stop in Park Slope, right near Lincoln Street. A nanny sat using her cell phone between two small kids, who were perhaps 18-24 months old each and also sitting on the bench. One, a boy, dropped his red and yellow truck between the slats of the bench. He bent toward it, and the nanny turned from her phone to yell, "Sit there! Don't get it!" I went over and picked it up and said, "Here, I'll get it for him before you yell at him again." She laughed as if we were both sharing a joke.

I walked on but was bothered by what I'd seen -- nothing horrible, perhaps, but what were these kids experiencing all day? A nanny who ignored them and yelled if they didn't simply sit and do nothing? What parent would want that for their child? I walked back to the scene but the three of them were gone.

Thanks for taking this submission...