Had the worst nanny job ever. 3 year old twin boys and a 7 year old girl. The father had passed away from an overdose five months prior. I went to meet with the mom and immediately after walking in, one of the twins tried to punch mom and called her a "b". He wasn't happy about being asked to not play so loudly or throw stuff. That should have been a clue but I still took the job out of desperation. I was told that once a week a therapist came to work with the boys on behavior. The mom absolutely never disciplined the boys. no matter what. She would tell them but not follow through. I on the other hand, always gave time outs for bad behavior. Not these time outs consisted of making the boy stay in his room (which had no toys because they destroyed everything). I would sit in the doorway not saying anything while they threw their tantrum and screamed bloody murder. They began to hate me because I always followed through with what I said. no meant no. no toy if you kick. no donut if you spit. And yes, the twins would bite, scream, spit, kick, punch, call swear words, try to literally kill each other every single day. It was absolutely exhausting to have two of them there. The therapist who came did nothing but play a board game with one twin at a time each week. At one point, during a time out the boy ripped out his dresser drawer and threw it at me landing on my foot and breaking my toe. I extended his time out and as usual, made him pick up his clothes. (wishing a good spanking could be given, believe me). Mom came home and I explained. nothing more. Now a week later (after about 7 months of being with them) the same twin needed a time out for trying to throw his brother down the stairs. In his room he goes. This time he went for the top drawer and pulled it onto his face. He got his time out and when she came home I explained the line on his face and why his entire dresser was thrown around the room. Next morning I get a call before work that she doesn't want me to come in and he said I had punched him in the face. I had NO words. I explained that the boys were just mad that they get their time outs and she should know by now that they behave this way. She said she couldn't risk me being there anymore. So, fine. Next week I get a call from social services wanting to talk to me about the incident. I explained my view and was very upset that lies were being told about me. I waited a few days and contacted the social worker wondering what the outcome was. I was told that the boy changed his story and said he had fallen on the side of his race car bed so they figured it wasn't true. After all that I was completely terrified to be in charge of a child who could completely ruin my life on a whim. The mother ended up asking me back and I said HELL no.
Regards,
Worst Job Ever
13 comments:
Sure.
Anyone who wishes a child a good spanking is a bad person. So what-- would you hit another adult for acting badly. What kind of nanny are you!
First the dad abused drugs and DIED! Drug users act out-- the kids were just doing what the dad probably did. The dad died, the children are so sad, even if he wasn't a great dad. Their tantrums are from emotional overload-- time outs while great aren't always the best option. If your having to always do a time out, then you're doing something wrong. Try setting children up for success. Watch for the ticks, try to plan and strategize the day so that non of their triggers come up.
Oh gosh. Horrible answer above by socks. Children need limits and you did a great job of setting them with time outs. When a child is trying to HURT his nanny I would definitely wish I could spank him too. That child sounds manipulative and emotionally disturbed.
Yes his behavior was a symptom of grieving, and the reasons for his behavior are obvious, but a nanny does not need to put up with abuse. It is not her job and the mom should have been doing something about the situation.
Good job not going back, that sounds like a severely unhealthy situation. I hope you find a better family to work for soon. Please ignore all the negative responses. Obviously they have never worked with emotionally disturbed children.
OP REPLY -
I am not a bad person! Had a few spankings been given in the beginning, these episodes would not happen. You're pretty much calling every single parent before 2000 a bad person. LOL. I am not referring to beatings. Get that straight. I am not a current nanny, but believe me I was a professional and did a great job. I love kids. The father of these kids was hardly a presence even before passing. It had nothing to do with that. It was due to never being told no. They fed off each others actions and never listened. I had no other options of discipline other than time outs or taking away something like "movie time" because they didn't listen and believe me, they did not care! These behaviors were life threatening to each other. There were no "triggers". It was just constant insanity. I am absolutely not doing anything wrong with time outs other than being consistent. The boys knew that how many time outs they had depended on them. And only them. They had a hard time with that because their mother had no intention of helping with that. Kinda crazy when your 3 year old is pooping on the floor because he doesn't want a bath and all you do is say "oh, no no. go play then". There was no "scheduling" with them. Even mom would not bring them out without my help. They were not manageable. That is why the therapist came to the house. It was a safety thing. You have NO right to judge me in that manner.
OP- reply
Thanks Hannah. They really were just unbelievable. I remember right before I left they were able to go to preschool for one hour a day and the bus driver, after two days, returned them to me and said to tell mom they were not allowed on the bus anymore because they were endangering everyone. I tried everything I could. They were not having any of it and the one tried his best to find a way to get rid of the "enforcer of rules" (me). Sure worked cause no way am I dealing with that again.
Op - when I read your post I was amazed at your patience.Any family would be lucky to have someone with your tenacity. The mother is imo not a good mother and I hope those kids do not hurt themselves or another human or even animal. I just recently had to get rid a of a client because none of my employees would go there because of a boy being violent and verbally abusive to the nanny and other kids, my friends and I are older than you and we all were concerned about legal action. i would recommend to any nanny in even a FRACTION of your situation to get out fast because you could be irrationally, unfairly sued.
We would like to hear from people - WHAT WAS YOUR WORST JOB EVER ?????
OP reply-
Thankyou Leigh! I was so glad to leave. I found another position as a nanny after that and it was an absolute dream. 2 great boys who were so cute and tons of fun. An appreciative mom. Easy going atmosphere. I actually had the older boy as my ring bearer in my wedding. They have to grow up sometime though. And I moved on in a career in healthcare during my late twenties. That feeling never leaves though. I could have been in some serious trouble even if innocent. I cant even imagine what else he could have said and the thought is so scary.
yes, very scary, BUT - a great happy ending!!!! No nanny should stay in a toxic situation - it hurts your health!
Never said anything about the nanny being abused, ran out of time before work. Naturally you leave abusive situations, file workman's comp. Treat it like any other employment, the only difference from a nannies job and another person's job is there is no HR department, so we must be creative on how to report issues and get justice.
My point was the the OP sounded like she was constantly using time-outs; I even said time-outs are great. Either try figuring out how to help a child have a great day (no punishments) or understand your ill-equipped to handle a situation (nothing wrong with that).
Seriously though, if you really thinking Spanking is ok, then please do it-- just be fair with it and when you're MB acts up or any other adult for that manner please spank them. Hitting is NEVER ok by anyone, any-age, for any reason. Oh and I'm an '80's child and was neve spanked. Why, because if you don't do it to your peer or elder then doing it to your younger is also wrong.
OP reply -
socks. I wasn't going to apply for workmans comp for a broken toe. I put everything I had into being consistent for those boys. I wanted to see them succeed. That meant, yes, every single day they had time outs. There is nothing wrong with this when they are deserving of them and continue to show the behavior that got them the time outs a dozen times before. This isn't about what is working and what is not. The reason it didn't work well is because of mom. They didn't have the same discipline throughout the day. I will say that if they were my kids, yes, the minute they spit in my face I would have given them a spank on the rear. Not abuse. Not beat. Not hurt. I'm not running for a wire hanger here. Being born in 82 I am grateful I had stern parents who once in a blue moon gave me a whack on the toosh. That led me to be embarrassed, respectful, and shocked me into thinking about my behavior. I never had marks. Never was abused. Certain kids in this age are never given consequences until a point when it almost doesn't matter anymore because they get what they want or else. It isn't your job to "spank" adults who act up. It is your job to discipline your child so they don't turn into adults who are a holes. I promise those kids will end up in jail by 20. They could have benefited from a spanking when I found one trying to strangle the other twin with a shoe lace. But.... not my place at all. The behavior can absolutely sometimes warrant a spanking. Not in instances of "hey you didn't eat your broccoli". But yes, in the instance of "stop trying to kill your siblings". You can argue all you like, but the reason for millennials feeling so entitled is that they are told their "feelings" are everyone's priority and they are owed everything and if they don't like something, whine and scream and kick. I believe in the time out method. it works if consistent and I hate seeing kids abused. But, that doesn't include an occasional spank for severe behavior given by the parent when they aren't angry. It makes no sense to say adults should be spanked too then. There is jail for that.
You are the perfect candidate to take that job.
I grew up with spankings and I am perfectly fine! These kids now a days are so entitled, its just crazy! So now that people are against spankings, kids are getting away with a lot more. I would never spank my new kids, or any other kids. But mine might get the spanking spoon.
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