I have to give you some background to understand this.
I am a nanny in the Park Slop area of Brooklyn, NYC. I live in Park Slope as a live out. I used to work on the UES as a live out nanny. We have a large nanny population in the area. Some of the nannies are like myself, educated, proper, articulate and others are stonefaced, unintelligent and wearing tawdry clothing.
About a week ago, a nanny friend and I got the idea to have a kick off summer picnic in one of the parks. We handed out invitations to nannies we knew and met at the park. This wasn't an all inclusive event. This is for professional nannies. I asked each person to bring a dish and to rsvp. We are not talking about a huge group here. We made ten invitations and I still have two.
On Thursday when I left the preschool with one of my charges, another nanny was walking behind me for a long time, so I was aware. I stopped at our house and turned around and there was an African American Nanny standing there. She said, "I knew that's where you lived. I fucking knew it". I was kind of caught off guard and didn't know what to say because I didn't want some weird altercation in front of my charge and hers. But she turned around and strolled back the other way. I thought it was weird, but didn't know what she was mad about. I really thought she was going to post an I Saw Your Nanny type post somewhere about something I did.
So yesterday was a regular day and everything is fine. My boss texts me starting at 2:15. Call me, call me now and where are you. All within five minutes. I thought there was an emergency. So I call her and she demands to know about a picnic that I am hosting for white nannies only. I told her I am hosting no such thing. She tells me that her former nanny called her and said that I was encouraging white nannies to only associate with white nannies and not wanting them to even make playdates with non white nannies. I am totally like what???
Okay, so my boss went ass nuts on me because when she fired this nanny, the nanny tried to claim she was fired because my boss was a racist. So get this, she really fired her because she wasn't doing any learning activities with the 2 year old, was late, and lazy. This is not the kind of nanny that I look for in my group. It has nothing to do with race! My boss asked me who was invited to the event. We have two Mexican Americans, an au pair from Portugal, an au pair from Vienna and 4 white nannies. Just because these are the ones that are personable, seem to like their jobs, smile, laugh, etc.
My boss accused me of drawing her into the center of some race war and she "won't have it". The date of the picnic is the 19th. She has told me that I need to invite at least two but preferably 4 Black or African American,Caribbean, etc. nannies. Do you see the weird place this puts me in? I told her, "Never mind, I'll just cancel it" and she FORBADE me from canceling it. The reason I wanted to cancel it is because it feels really racist and kind of skeevy to just have to invite four random nannies to pacify one former disgruntled employee. Am I wrong? I do a good job. They don't have to worry about educational activities. I go the extra mile and this nanny that they didn't like is now causing a problem for me with something as innocent as a picnic in the park.
I am a nanny in the Park Slop area of Brooklyn, NYC. I live in Park Slope as a live out. I used to work on the UES as a live out nanny. We have a large nanny population in the area. Some of the nannies are like myself, educated, proper, articulate and others are stonefaced, unintelligent and wearing tawdry clothing.
On Thursday when I left the preschool with one of my charges, another nanny was walking behind me for a long time, so I was aware. I stopped at our house and turned around and there was an African American Nanny standing there. She said, "I knew that's where you lived. I fucking knew it". I was kind of caught off guard and didn't know what to say because I didn't want some weird altercation in front of my charge and hers. But she turned around and strolled back the other way. I thought it was weird, but didn't know what she was mad about. I really thought she was going to post an I Saw Your Nanny type post somewhere about something I did.
So yesterday was a regular day and everything is fine. My boss texts me starting at 2:15. Call me, call me now and where are you. All within five minutes. I thought there was an emergency. So I call her and she demands to know about a picnic that I am hosting for white nannies only. I told her I am hosting no such thing. She tells me that her former nanny called her and said that I was encouraging white nannies to only associate with white nannies and not wanting them to even make playdates with non white nannies. I am totally like what???
Okay, so my boss went ass nuts on me because when she fired this nanny, the nanny tried to claim she was fired because my boss was a racist. So get this, she really fired her because she wasn't doing any learning activities with the 2 year old, was late, and lazy. This is not the kind of nanny that I look for in my group. It has nothing to do with race! My boss asked me who was invited to the event. We have two Mexican Americans, an au pair from Portugal, an au pair from Vienna and 4 white nannies. Just because these are the ones that are personable, seem to like their jobs, smile, laugh, etc.
My boss accused me of drawing her into the center of some race war and she "won't have it". The date of the picnic is the 19th. She has told me that I need to invite at least two but preferably 4 Black or African American,Caribbean, etc. nannies. Do you see the weird place this puts me in? I told her, "Never mind, I'll just cancel it" and she FORBADE me from canceling it. The reason I wanted to cancel it is because it feels really racist and kind of skeevy to just have to invite four random nannies to pacify one former disgruntled employee. Am I wrong? I do a good job. They don't have to worry about educational activities. I go the extra mile and this nanny that they didn't like is now causing a problem for me with something as innocent as a picnic in the park.
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15 comments:
Are you telling us that in the entire area there isn't one 'professional' AA nanny? I find that hard to believe, but if that IS the case, you only have two choices. You can invite some AA/Non white nannies or refuse and cause further problems for your boss. I don't know your boss's history with her former nanny. Sometimes just being accused of racism by a former employee is enough to terrify a boss. Some nannies wrongfully make the accusation rather than admit that their performance was lacking. The picnic sounded like a good idea until some people decided to make it us vs them. This is why I rarely interact with other nannies at the park. Too many politics. I make my nanny friends at music class, story time or yoga. Somehow we just have more time to talk there and really get to know each other.
The way you described other nannies compared to you in the beginning did seem 'off'. Not saying it was racist, but it does make sense to me why the people you described to be that way were offended. You don't have to be racist to be a jerk. Maybe if you just talked to some of those other nannies for a while, you'd realize that they were educated, professional, etc to meet your 'standards'. Don't stereotype. I used to live in PS and everyone in that neighborhood knows each other, the parents have their own nanny website to talk to each other....so everything you do and say will get to not only your boss, but every other family there as well. You get fired, I guarantee you won't find another family there again, being branded a racist.
This is so messed up. I feel for you, OP. I am a white nanny. I have two very close nanny friends that are also white. I have a lot of acquaintance nanny friends of other races. But when it comes to everyday activities, I only hang out with the white nannies. I've tried to become close with the others but we have maintained strictly small talk when we run into each other. It's so unfair that your boss is asking you to invite people you don't know. It's only because it seems like her ex-nanny would do some crazy stuff since she already accused her of being racist.
@whitenanny, your pov is interesting. To say the least. The assumption that only white nannies are professional or worth talking to is disgusting! Go out of your comfort zone. You may be very surprised at what you find. Stereotypes are gross and offensive. I hope I've misunderstood your post.
For someone that considers herself an educated and professional nanny you sound incredibly ignorant. I am an African American nanny working in FiDi. I am college educated, love my job as a nanny, and never judge someone based on their appearance in regards to whether or not I will speak to or associate myself with them. This is how "nanny cliques" start. I think that all nannies should be open to communication with other nannies. I have seen plenty of uneducated and irresponsible nannies of ALL COLORS. So for you to sit there and stereotype people based on their outward appearance in turn make you uneducated and unprofessional. Prejudice at its finest.
Some of you don't understand Park Slope. I get what the OP is saying. PS is where many "organic type" celebs live and getting more and more snobby/preppy by the minute. Nannies are often white locals or live ins from another country that don't speak English well, if at all. I don't feel the OP is being treated fairly here.
Park slope mom here. I know at least 2 nannies you could invite. Try asking around, and good luck to you...
I'm an Indian nanny, who sure could probably pass for west indies or maybe even mixed with AA (gasp). I have a masters degree and left a teaching position to nanny again. I am well dressed, articulate, and educated. You better believe other nannies besides yourself are concerned about "educational activities. I'm appalled that someone so concerned with being proper and well mannered/spoken is making such rash comments about an entire group of individuals.
I live in Park Slope, and have since before all the stollers moved in. Open your eyes, look around and get off your dangerously high horse. We all know who the park bench nannies are. Skip ahead and see that nannies of all races, colors, and ethnic backgrounds are loving caring and damn good care givers. Seriously. I dare you to look around the park. I can guarantee you can find someone to not only invite to your picnic but hopefully broaden your opinion. And if you can't. I think that is more a reflection on you, that " those " nannies. And ask yourself why would your boss want to associate with someone like you?
The thing is, anonymous poster right before NCnanny, the being organic, snobby, preppy shouldn't mean that other nannies are by default ignorant and uneducated. I don't nanny in PS, but know the area. The OP made very broad, sweeping and unfounded assumptions. Ethnic- for lack of a better term- nannies aren't all lazy, uninformed disinterested park bench nannies. Lazy nannying, like lazy parenting, exists every where. The fact that she can't find any professional, savvy and educated nannies with whom to socialize is easily attributable to her own prejudice.
Amen to that Lisa!
It was a slam on the parents not the nannies. The PS parents often choose whites or international nannies, snubbing nannies that fall in between.
This has only turned in to a race issue because of the disgruntled ex employee- we all gravitate towards people who have similar outlooks as ourselves. You clearly hang out with people who have similar outlooks to their job, not similar colouring! There is stark difference between college educated nannies with degrees in early childhood education and the ones who do so because they can't do anything else. I am a British indian SAHM and when out with my kids see the difference between park bench nannies with no pride in their job v the good ones, and yes, they do hang out in cliques. That's just life. It's not prejudice. I think it would be extremely strange to go out and hand pick four token AA nannies for this picnic and would not be comfortable doing it myself. In fact, I just wouldn't do it. I would rather cancel the whole thing/ not attend and let the other nannies keep the event if they want it. I think you should speak to your boss again.
You do sound like somewhat of a snob but be that as it may, Mom is out of line. If the event is for nannies you already know, that's who you'd invite. If I'm inviting people I know to a picnic and people I don't know start demanding an invitation through my employer, I expect my employer to shut it down, not encourage this. Would I be contacting their employer insisting their nanny who I don't know invites me to her stuff? Nope, nope, and no.
I do think it would do you well to expand your horizons here, but not to include crazy people who whine to your employer about you.
down here in Texas a picnic is just that - a picnic- the OP should be able to have her picnic her darn way - period - what's going on up there?
Why is it even about racism? I didn't see the post as racist at all.
Secondly, there are two Mexican Americans, a gal from Vienna and a girl from Portugal. .. How is this a racist picnic at all? Not that they're necessarily different 'races', but obviously different countries of origin, which should be rather easily identifiable..
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