Monday

Homework Hell...and it's not over!

Dianne Morrison Robinson
   Does anyone else have to do homework with their kiddos? I have two school aged kiddos. The oldest is 11. He is so resistant to homework that he cries, screams, hits me, throws his homework, kicks the counter, throws chairs, wads up paper, tears books, curses, etc.

    They both go to a prestigious school and the younger has normal resistance to homework like 'do I have to' and "YES!". 

     The parents aren't there to see this but they want the homework done by the time they get home because they don't want to deal with it. When I complained about being hit by the kid, they looked at me like I was silly. At one time I suggested he get extra help at school or a tutor and they got mad at me for trying to get out of doing my job. The father told me once that if I couldn't do the job, he could find someone who could.

   I have anxiety every day M-Th because I know it is going to be an issue. I have tried everything. Here's the kicker. I have only been here five months. When the child is carrying on screaming, swearing, he even threw pepper in my eyes once, he screams "JUST DO IT FOR ME" and "I want Gracie back". Gracie was their last nanny who couldn't deal with his behavior, so she just did his homework, making it harder for me! We have one week of school left. But guess what? Summer enrichment program is July and August, 4 hours a day and homework.  If things don't change with the enrichment program, I don't see what option I have except to just do it for him. It would be faster and more peaceful and my job would be easier. And part of me thinks that's what these parents want, because they sure can't handle hearing about any problems.

Anyone have any advice before a good nanny goes bad?
Share your situations with I Saw Your Nanny. Email isynblog@gmail.com.

14 comments:

Sara said...

I don't have school age charges now, but I used to. She also hated homework, but would never throw anything or hit me! I'd quit if I were you. The parents don't have your back. It'd be different, if everyone was on the same page, but this family doesn't value you enough to make your physical safety a priority.

Nanny Layne said...

Do not do that's kid homework for him. But you don't sound safe either, it might be time to look for another job if you have anxiety and are being physically hurt.

CleaverJune said...

Video the child's behavior. Use your smartphone (if you have one,) and then IN WRITING let the parents know that the child's behavior is unacceptable and that you would like their guidance on how they wish it to be handled. I would attach the
video /several days of video to the email. BCC yourself in the email and keep it in your records.

If they do nothing, you need to look for other employment. Sometimes, the parents just don't understand how severe the situation is because they can't see it. If that's the case the video of him turning into a demon child and becoming violent toward you should be enough. If it isn't enough, and you are terminated as you say the dad threatened to do, you then have a digital record of you informing them of the problem, and a valid argument for wrongful termination - if indeed that is why he fires you. You have the right to a safe work environment. Remind yourself of that. You do not have to work for a family with a violent child. But for now, either take steps to fix the situation or get out fast.


Do your job
Keep the parents informed.
Keep excellent records to protect yourself.
Try to fix the situation professionally or get out

CleaverJune said...

Oh, and DONT do the child's homework!

Anonymous said...

Oh,NO I won't even offer to do homework with children anymore and I was a teacher!! The parents don't want to deal with it and the children want you to do it for them. If anything is wrong you get the blame. Projects are left for YOU to do for the child. I say they get a tutor. Tutors in NYC charge a lot more than I make so that is why a lot of families want the nanny to do it. Sorry, I would gladly help with homework, but I will not do it for your child. Sadly you took the job saying you would do it. Live and learn. Next time say you are not a tutor. There are plenty of jobs where you do not have to help with homework. I found a great job where the parents actually expect the children to do their own work OR email a friend or email the teacher for help. They realize it is NOT my job. Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

He needs therapy and you need to find a new job because the parents are not going to get him the help he needs

Angi

Stephanie said...

Also chiming in to say, I m also a former teacher. I make more as a nanny - sad to say. I get asked for homework help as well. I don't offer it. That's an extra service IMO. Parents pay top dollar for tutoring. If they want to offer me the extra money, I will help with homework. Otherwise, no. By helping, I mean hours dedicated to homework assistance not doing it.

RBTC said...

let us know what happens

taggarung said...

Agreed!

RBTC said...

all you nannies who understand their homework - my hat is off to you, i have not nannied in a long time but the last time a kid asked me to help with math i got hives ! j/k although anything with reading/lit i would be a great help with - the poor kids have TOO much homework these days

marco F said...

Im guessing you dont want to quit. Maybe the pay is too good.
Whatever. If that is the case and the parents are assholes, you wont be able to save him.
buckle in and do what you need to survive.

marco F said...

Im guessing you dont want to quit. Maybe the pay is too good.
Whatever. If that is the case and the parents are assholes, you wont be able to save him.
buckle in and do what you need to survive.

Anonymous said...

First off, you need to let him know that you as an adult and as the nanny will not put up with it. He's the kid and you're the one in charge...it sounds like to me that you need to start disciplining. Send him to his room, take toys away, time-out, whatever but just let him know you won't put up with it.

Anonymous said...

Definitely don't do his homework for him. He will not learn and it will only snowball from here and get worse for him. I agree with the previous post that mentioned recording the behavior and asking the parents how they want this behavior handled. It seems the best way to deal with it. And yes, if they do not respond, or attempt to deal with the situation, you should definitely look for a job. The last thing you need is to be physically abused by this child and to not have the support of the parents in disciplining the child.