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| Fabian Perez |
My question. Is it horrible to expect the nanny to remain reasonably attired unless she is in her room? She dresses fine for work, but seems to be braless outside of work hours lounging in her room. When she is lounging in her room, she comes downstairs for a drink. Part of me thinks it's on her to be decent and part of me thinks it's just awful to expect her to be fully dressed 24/7 to use the bathroom or grab a glass of orange juice. Thoughts?
43 comments:
Somewhat unreasonable but I'm with you on the braless. Its tacky and crass. Ask that she wear a bathrobe.
Angi
Are you saying that she's walking around the house topless? Or that she isn't wearing a bra under her shirt?
Just to be clear, bras aren't required. And having breasts, even large ones, hanging in their normal state, isn't disgusting or wrong.
No one said either of that but private parts are called private for a reason. I certainly don't care to see and neither does everyone else. To each their own.
Angi
I have huge boobs (32G) and soon as I am home, the bra comes off. I would pop down to the kitchen to get a snack in that state provided that my shirt were baggy enough that you couldn't see any specific shape. Wearing a bra all day is torture!
If she is off the clock, and she is covered by a shirt, you have no right to ask she wear a bra.
ZERO. She's not walking around naked, & she's ON HER OWN TIME.
As her room and use of the rest of the home is included in your arrangement, she has become a tenant. you can't dictate what a person wears in the space that is hers to use. If she was walking around topless you would have grounds to say something - as she is wearing a shirt, you are out of luck. She's covered up for Christ's sake. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound, having a snit because someone isn't wearing a foundation garment in what is for all intents & purposes her own home?
On a personal note, I think you're being ridiculous. To me it sounds like you are threatened by your young nanny's sexuality and are likely feeling insecure about your husband seeing perky tits on someone other than you.
Bra-less doesn't mean you can see her private parts! Personally I take my bra off IMMEDIATELY upon coming home from work. If it was the 60's I'd burn the damn thing and be done with it! Ignore the bralessness and get on with your life.
She's not topless! She's perfectly within her rights to take off her bra when she is 'at home' in other words, 'off the clock'. You sound threatened by your nanny's body or otherwise bothered by the human body. She isn't working, she's 100% correct in being comfortable at home.
I would suggest she buy herself a pack of comfort stretch bras or tank tops that hold in place. That way she is not enticing your husband with her massive mammaries, because hey, isn't that what we're really talking about?
If she is not topless then it should be okay for her to walk around on her time off without her bra on! Do you wear your bra 24/7? Let the girls breath!
Ha, the babies are napping right now and the first thing I did after clean-up was lose the bra.
Angi breasts are not genitals. Just thought we should clarify that. Let's not perpetuate the stereotype that women's bodies are somehow dirty.
No one should have to be uncomfortable when relaxing at home just because of others' prudishness.
Angi, she's not topless. She's wearing a shirt. She shouldn't have to keep her chest strapped down to make other people feel more comfortable.
Absolutely breasts also fall into the private area. Sure, that can be used to feed but they can also be sexual and aroused. Some women have pop out nipples and shirt can appear painted on.
Agree don't agree I don't care. Not all of us wasn't too see the outline of Niles of cleavage. . just like I don't want to see the outline of a penis, vagina/camel the or butt/crack. Cover up and have some class.... Especially in someone else's house
Angi
...they can be use....
...want to see...
...nipples or cleavage...
../cameltoe or....
My former employer made things easy for everyone, in a home with 5 kids & 3 adults: All family members old enough to dress themselves, were required to be. Outside their private bedroom/living space, one was to be in a modest robe, or fully clothed.
This decision came from a woman who looked like Jessica Simpson, so she was not worried about Hubs seeing me, who could have passed for Pam Anderson. It was about respect, comfort & peace in our shared home. Bare asses were allowed on the 1 & 2 year olds, if they escaped at Jammie time.
All families are different, and have to set fair, respectful boundaries for that suits them.
Our approach worked for us. No shame, guilt, or nip views, to make anyone tense or uncomfortable. It was her house, too. So it was that simple, to boot.
Angi, you're the patriarchy's dream come true. They love women who body shame other women.
What's pathetic is that a person can't have a little conservative view on a humans body with out being called prudish, anti feminist or pointed at for body shaming. For Fs sake, I don't care if you're female or male, letting it all hang out is not for everyone AND THATS OK! A little class can go a long way folks. Good lord, you act like I said she needed to wear a burka for CS.
Angi
Here here!
-Angi
Hey as long as I don't see a nipple or cleavage...I'm good. Your attire sounds fine.
Angi
Angi, you should examine why women's bodies bother you so much. It has nothing to do with class. This nanny is in her home on her time off. She doesn't need to be covered from head to toe to satisfy you. OP should also reconsider having a live-in if breasts (covered in a shirt no less) are a problem.
Bras are not comfortable and aren't meant to be worn 24/7. Get a grip people!
You have your view, I have mine. There isn't really a "right/wrong" here. I am comfortable in my view, it's not over the top, it's not even that conservative in the grand scheme of it all. Why don't you reexamine your own self about why you can't respect that there are different views. This isn't your home, it's not the nannies. If the nanny can't respect the home owners wishes, she can find a home more suitable for her. End of story
Angi
Also, you are concentrating on women... My view is regardless of sex. The mentality that we all need to be completely fine with our bodies to expose, especially based on same sex, is perposterous. Good forbid should someone see things differently that doesn't fit the "movement".
Angi
I suggest you edit BEFORE you comment angi. I do.
I think what some people are noticing is that the objection to the female nanny's breasts is based on society's idea(s) that breasts are sexual, dirty and or meant to be hidden in shame. Breasts are not privates. This is no different IMO than a nanny coming home after work and kicking off her shoes. And, for what it's worth, it IS the nanny's place.
Part of her weekly pay is her live-in space. Part of living in is the free use of the agreed upon space. In this case, the kitchen. If she were in her employers' room, you'd have a case. As it is, she's allowed to go get a drink wearing a shirt with no bra IMHO.
Breasts are not sexual. You make them so.
If you have a problem with NIPPLES, you should probably be concerned with your mental health.
The NANNY is a live-in. The HOME is also hers. She LIVES THERE. She sleeps there. She is there 75% of the time. It's HER HOUSE TOO. Regardless of who OWNS the home, if the OP didn't sit down and discuss this, there's no room for her to be a prude now.
You can offend your nanny, or you can simply let it be.
Fwiw- I rarely even wear a bra. Yes, SHOCKER, even at work.
Why? Because it's uncomfortable and I'm large and require 'special' sized bras, which I don't have the extra $$ to shell out for.
It's NEVER been an issue.
Yes - when I see body shaming, I call it out. It isn't cool to advance the myth that women's chests are dirty, even covered up, simply because you can still see the outline of them. When we wear jeans you can see the outline of our asses, too; are pants off-limits as well? After all, butts are associated with sexual arousal, too (since other people's sexual arousal was the justification for your views.)
What's sad is that you've let a male-run society brainwash you into finding women's breasts in their natural state disgusting and wrong. That's not a "conservative" view; it's a subjugated one.
Your attire is fine regardless of what she can see.
There is a right/wrong here, because views like yours are a perpetuation of rape culture, and that's wrong. As long as we are complicit in blaming/shaming women for their bodies and suggesting they lack class/worth for not covering and resstraining them more than we require men to, it's a problem.
*reatraining
RESTRAINING.
Geez!
The only blaming I see here is you. I think a little modesty goes along way (MALE or female) and you are twisting my view to suit your own agenda. Lets get something straight...you know absolutely NOTHING about me or my views. You got a little isolated snippet here. Just because it doesn't agree 100% with your views, doesn't mean mine are wrong.....period. You don't know what I stand for, my political views or what I support.
Angi
You keep saying things like "end of story" and "period" as if to shut down debate. That doesn't actually work. I'm sorry that you don't grasp systemic female body objectification/shaming, which is doubtless why you're perpetuating it - you don't understand that's what you're doing. Your point of advocating modesty for males and females only holds water if you believe males also should be wearing bras when others will see them. Otherwise, you're just parroting age-old prejudices that teach the female body is shameful.
I think that Angi is from another age , she comment very often on a lot of post where she says she is a nanny of 30 years so I presume she is not very fresh and might have been born during very conservative times...when it comes to me , i could see Britney Spears shaking off her booty when I was as young as 5 so I couldn't care less about nipples. As most comments state she is a LIVE IN and this is HER PLACE TOO. As long as she doesn't run naked around the house , it shouldn't be a concern , if it's really affecting you , I suggest you reconsider live-in and opt for a live pig instead.
I meant to say live out ( my translator failed)
In total agreement with most of the pps. Breasts are not dirty and do not need to be embarassedly hidden away. If you disagree, don't be or have a.live in nanny
Nanny should be able to go braless when she is off the clock. Clearly OP doesn't want hubby to see nanny's goodies. Nanny is most likely attractive and OP feels threatened.
I have to agree with Angi that unless someone is breast feeding, I see no need for breasts to be exposed in their entirety or barely covered in a way where you can clearly see the entire shape of the breasts. If brakes, wear something loose that keeps you looking modest. It might be a conservative approach, but some people are conservative and that's okay.
Conservative is fine. Body shaming is not fine. This nanny didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. It saddens me that some women have allowed themselves to be convinced that the female body is shameful/embarrassing.
Not brakes, braless!
The point is where do you draw the line? If it's about body shaming, how come most are in agreement that walking around topless would be the step too far?
Because we've been indoctrinated with the idea women's chests are bad. At any rate, what I'm advocating is an equal level of body cover for men AND women. If the dad boss can walk around in a t-shirt, then the mom and nanny can, as well. If you want to require bras for the ladies, require them for the men, too. Otherwise you're saying women's chests/nipples are inherently filthy, while men's are perfectly acceptable.
I think it's okay to distinguish between men and women's bodies. In the same way that I think it's okay for men not to have to wear bras and women to consider it necessary sometimes, I think it's okay for women to go commando but men need to pay extra attention to modesty in that area. Equal but different. We're not the same.
No our bodies aren't the same, but why does that mean they should be treated differently? What is so offensive about women's breast shape that it requires more coverage relaxing at home than a man does? Not one person has given a legitimate reason as to how seeing the outline of women's breasts traumatizes others. (Spoiler alert: Because there is no legitimate reason.)
This is basically the equivalent to having your landlord telling you how to dress in a space you rented. You may be the employer but your house is now her house too. You don't get to tell people what to wear off the clock outside of legal restrictions on nudity. Not to mention it doesn't even sound like she is running all over the house braless but simply making quick trips to the kitchen. (Not that it would matter either way). Do you really expect her to put a bra on for a trip to the kitchen for 5 minutes or are you seriously suggesting she can never be braless? Either way is absurd, unfair, and kind of offensive.
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