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| Flavia Sorrentino |
So here is a little back story- I ended a job 3 weeks ago that I loved more than any other job I have ever had (the mother started maternity leave and I would not be needed). I started a new job, knowing the family wanted someone for a long time. I was told about the job at the interview. Basically there would be 3 kids, but I would only watch 2 at a time, with two different families (nanny share). My schedule would be known far in advance, and the hours would be very set (they would not change from the schedule given to me). I would not need to do housekeeping apart from picking up after ourselves. I would be able to drive them wherever, and do tons of activities out of the house with the kids. There would be nanny cams, but they never pay attention to the footage, it is just there for home security.
Well within the first week the dad was home late every day. Two of the days, he was an hour late. The other days, 20-30 minutes, with no explanation. They told me that cell phone use would be prohibited at all times. They told me I must ask for permission to take the kids anywhere. They did not discipline the 3 year old, and so he would yell and throw toys and food if you asked him to do something. His parents would let him get away with not listening. I was miserable that first week, and the second week was much worse. They wrote out a "contract" that specified things like what I said above, as well as the chores that were required of me, that far exceeded what I was told in the interview. I quit last Thursday and said I would not be returning.
I received an email today(Tues) saying that they are questioning why I thought it was okay to quit and not give two weeks notice, and how my "parenting techniques" differed from theirs (discipline) and that they would ask me to reimburse them for the CPR certificates they paid for, the background check, and the driving record. They would like me to drop the money in their mailbox. I totally understand that I should have given 2 weeks notice. However, I was incredibly unhappy, and was doing an extremely inadequate job because of that. I was depressed and couldn't even eat or sleep, it was just so awful.
Any advice you have would be incredibly appreciated. Thank you.
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21 comments:
You do NOT owe them reimbursement, so don't even think about doing it!
If you do- you are not only letting them get away with what they did, you are setting a precedent for the next nanny.
Please do write them back! Let them know exactly what they were doing that made you so unhappy. Be sure to clearly yet politely spell out how you were misled in the interview - how he was always late (and be sure to mention if you weren't paid for that time.) Be sure to discuss how what they put in the contract re: chores was not what was agreed to in the interview.
I would also point out that most states are "at will" employers, and that if two weeks notice wasn't clearly spelled out in the written work agreement that they basically can just pound sand. (You know what I mean - don't actually SAY that, but be polite, but firm.) I would clearly spell out what you were doing that was above and beyond (if there was those things,) and what was and wasn't happening on the parents end. Make sure that you state if you were upholding all of your agreed to responsibilities.
Lastly, please consider that since you said that this is a nanny share - not everyone is likely to be in the loop regarding the problems. In my experience one hand never knows what's going on in the other hand. That's why I no longer do nanny shares- you'll usually end up with one great family and one nightmare family that takes advantage and pushes the extreme limits of job creep. Being polite but firmly spelling out the entire situation in the email & and sent to ALL of the parents why you have left is the only way to deal with it once and for all. Who knows, maybe the parents that are decent to work with (if there are any in this situation,) may want to work something out with you in order to keep you just for themselves!
You definitely do not need to pay this family back for anything. They had drastically different expectations than you were told about when you started the job, and they didn't respect your time. They broke the verbal agreement that you guys made, so they have to pay. Do not respond to their email, just move on and hopefully you find a new position where the family or families treat you better.
Totally agree with the other comments! u do not owe them anything! this people are a nightmare to work with and I would let them know so. I think you always get what u put out there and you were deceived, lied to and disrespected so there you have it, move on, put this behind you and never think about it ever again, they are not worth it.
Your only response should be to send them a link to this post and sign the message "Bye, Felicia!"
They sound like a nightmare, but to be honest, two weeks notice wouldn't have killed you. I think its very unprofessional to quit at a moment's notice when you know full well that those parents aren't able to get to work without you there to take care of the kids. Even worse if you didn't raise any of these issues with them before quitting as your wouldn't have given them a chance to rectify. Settling in to a new job always has rough spots that need to be smoothed out and that takes a two way conversation. So I'd say you were both wrong int his instance, Don't pay them back though - we all train our staff knowing its at our own expense.
Nope , I don't agree with you...
She said that she finished her job 3 weeks ago so I assume she pretty much just started this one .
In pretty much all the jobs, depending on the contract , there is between 1 to 3 month where the parents OR the Nanny can call it out without notice or severence if things doesn't work out
With all the red flags that OP raised in such a short term, I would not have given any notice either although since I wouldn't have needed their reference for such a short time , I would have been completely honest with the employers on the reason of my departure , that way, she would have done better when hiring the next nanny.
Some times Parents who hire Nannies for the first time have no idea how to treat her.
OP , for the next interviews don't forget to delicately ask them how many Nannies they have had. This information is going to tell you a lot on the type of employer your dealing with ;) .
Don't pay them back anything and just move on :D!
You owe nothing! I would never quit without notice, but I have never run across a family like yours.
I agree with all the posters except one. I'm almost exclusively a nanny share nanny. I don't do any chores because It's almost impossible with more than one baby. I sometimes have as many as three kids. I think this family is awful especially as you just started. The honeymoon phase is still on going and they're this horrible. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Don't give them anything!
I would normally agree with two weeks' notice at a minimum, but in this case the job was intentionally misrepresented in the interview. That's on the employers. I'm guessing this wasn't their first victim, and they'll keep on as they have until they find someone to put up with their BS.
2 weeks notice has nothing to do with what an employer is "owed," but rather is a reflection of the kind of employee that you uphold yourself to. it defines your personal professionalism regardless of a situation.
Her professionalism has not been compromised. If anything, it's been elevated. Leaving when she did shows that she is aware of her worth and of the minimum standard of treatment she will accept as a capable professional. The employers pulled a bait-and-switch intentionally, and she demonstrated that will not be tolerated by a professional nanny.
It's unclear if she raised the discrepancies with them first or just seethed quietly and then bailed. If she just bailed without addressing the issues first, that's totally unprofessional. If she tried to open comminication channels with the employers and wasn't getting anywhere so quit, that would be understandable. There is too much detail left out to know for sure whether it was the right thing to do or not, but I would assume if she had raised the issue with them and been ignored, she would have written about that in the blog post.
Or it's possible she realized that a family who is this misleading and manipulative wasn't worth dealing with and decided to cut her losses. Sometimes being a professional means having the experience to know when something is doomed.
What is related, however, is that she was given job description when hired, and another when she started work. The employers already know about the discrepancies since they lied. The onus is then placed on her, of course, to call them on their bullshit.
I personally would have done so RIGHT THERE, but not everyone's like that. I'd guess the employers specifically search out people who they suspect aren't comfortable with confrontation so they can try to make them feel trapped once they've accepted the job.
And to know that you don't owe professional courtesy to someone who intentionally scams you.
OP here: just wanted to say first of all thank you to everyone commenting! Both the criticism and the agreement is incredibly helpful going forward with all of us. To answer one question: no, I did not address things while I was working (except for getting off late everyday- I did mention that it was difficult because I had places to be, and I was not compensated extra when I got off late). I have a really tough time with confrontation, and that is something I really need to work on. For now, I am not responding to the email. I do not feel that it will make things better, at least not at this moment. The other issue is that the mom asked why I didn't give 2 weeks notice. My reason is that I was so miserable, I knew that I couldn't last any longer. My other reason was that I thought they would not pay me if I told them I was quitting (the job was under the table). Anyway, just wanted to clarify a bit I guess. Also I started my new job today and I am already in love! Everything happens for a reason. :)
I kinda figured they spotted a soft heart and tried to take advantage. GOOD FOR YOU for shutting it down. This business of the mom asking why she wasn't given two more weeks of screwing you over is bullshit. She knows why. She's just trying to get you to believe you owe her something. What a piece of work!
Oh and congrats on the new job!
Congrats OP! Hopefully this job is on the books and with a contract that protects your interests going forward :)
You do sound very soft hearted! I'm glad you found something that you already love. :)
Good for you, congrats and good luck!
Angi
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