The Middle Child

   

Hello ISYN. I was so excited to take my first nanny job in New York. I interviewed with families in the city and just outside. I selected a family just outside with three kids and a beautiful house, a housekeeper. I get a Jeep Cherokee to drive. I get one Friday off per month plus weekends. Things are pretty good, except for a very small problem, which shouldn't be a problem at all.

     The middle child is 8 years old and his parents live in fear that he is a homosexual. They didn't talk about this in the interview, only later on, when I had moved in and was taken to task for letting him play Barbies with his sister.

     The parents both work on Wall Street. They aren't unkind. I don't even think they have anything against gay people, except that they don't want their son to "behave gay". This, I am told is out of fear that he will be bullied, stigmatized and picked on. Believe me, I get that. But I don't know how to preserve my job without coming out very strongly against some of their tactics.

     The boy has no interest in Sports. That isn't unusual. I drive him to soccer twice a week for practice. He is such a good kid too, he tries. He plays mine craft, he likes Nerf Guns, he likes to build Legos. He has diverse interests. He also likes to bake cakes. I was told not to encourage him to bake cakes. This after we made a really cute Valentine Cake together that he decorated really well. I was told, "See, now you have me against the wall where I have to praise my son for his cake decorating skills.". And the parents did compliment him. They aren't cruel or unkind, but they want me to steer him towards less stereotypical activities and away from those that are stereotypical.  I'm also concerned that at almost 9 years old, the kid is going to sense what is going on. The parents don't speak in front of him, but he has an older sister who has been in trouble before for including him in her girl play. What is blocking these people from seeing that this is NORMAL?

     The family has a playroom in the attic. The oldest child is a girl. The 8 year old boy loves to dress up barbies. I don't think that is abnormal. I have cared for boys who played barbies before. Well, when I say good night on Friday they asked me to clear out the playroom. They specifically said that Daughter doesn't play with X, Y and Z anymore, so I could have an agency come and pick up the toys or pass them on to someone I know who would like them. I know someone. He is your son. How do I handle this without losing my job and without being a part of wrecking this boy.