We have had a nanny camera for over a year now. Sometimes we don't even have it set up right, most of the time we don't check it. It is a remotely accessible feature. The nanny doesn't know about it. In all the time I have used it and checked it, I have only ever seen her being loving and wonderful to my child. Except for today. I am out of town, I know it's beautiful in NYC, so I called and asked her what she was doing. She told me she had just got back from spending almost two hours at the park. I hung up, pleased my daughter was outside. For some reason, I decided to see if I could log on to the nanny camera and I could. I reviewed the footage and it's very clear she never went outside. Not even for a minute. What do I do? Do I call her on this, after a whole year? Do I prod her more about details? Do I let it go and figure maybe she is just having a rough day since DH and I are both out of town at the same time? This is what I want to do, but I think more than ever when we are both out of town, I want to know that the nanny is being the kind of nanny I think she is. Help! I'm typing this from a meeting because I can't bear to confide this in people I am close to. They would follow up ask how I handled it, no doubt demanding that I did. She just cares for one almost 3 year old girl.
16 comments:
Im a nanny and we all have our rough days or our days where we don't feel to well. ?Being that you and dad are both out of town, she's probably exhausted no one gets go rest especially when they have a kid to tend to and you spend the night tossing and turning because your not in your own bed. I watched my charge for three days straight. by day two i was so exhausted we bummed it most of the time and mom and dad were totally okay with that! she's human maybe she's exhausted being a nanny is more of a physical job vs. being in meetings all day its tiring . Give her a break she stayed in one big deal your child will survive. Don't be that mom!!!!!
If so far so good for a year give her another chance. How long have you been out of town and when will you be back?
If for awhile check in here and there and ask her for pictures of their outings. If you see she isn't taking your child out after today then I would say something when you get home from your trips. Nannies work hard and yes some days need a "at home day" however if you see her continuing to do it and lie then I would say something.
I always assume the families I work for have cameras. They've never mentioned it. But I would have nanny cams if it were my kid. Maybe sit on this for now though - maybe she is planning on going out soon? And maybe continue to check the camera occasionally. I've sometimes fudged what we are doing to make the parents happy but never an out and out lie. Like I said - maybe she's planning on taking your child out this afternoon and just hasn't done it yet.
I don't think the issue is that she stayed in all day.....the issue is that she told the mom she was at the park when she wasn't. Having a low key day as a nanny is very acceptable but lying to the parents and saying you did something with the child when you didn't will cause a parent to wonder what else are you not telling the truth about.
I'm a nanny and sometimes I just need a day relaxing, so my charges and I spend time relaxing in the playroom, eating microwave meals and reading books. But I would never lie to my mom or dad boss saying we did something we didn't. You sound like an understanding boss so I'd advise you to get rid of her. If she is lying about this what else has she fibbed about?? And you will never feel completely trusting of her again
If you want to use a nanny cam, you tell your nanny about it. If she wants to lie or hurt your child, she won't dare if she knows about the nanny cam. If you don't tell her, and she lies or hurts your child, the lie or hurting has already happened, and you can't change that. If you claim your nanny cam is there to protect yourself and your child, then you tell your nanny about it.
You filming her without her consent or knowledge and then complaining that she lies to you disgusts me.
And to the other posters who say that if she lies about this, what else does she lie about - well, if my boss doesn't tell me that she has a nanny cam, what else is she not telling me?
If I were the nanny and was confronted, I would quit immediately.
Danish Nanny,
You trollop. You can put a camera in any damn room of your home that you like. Unless she puts it in the bathroom, she can do what she wants. YOu little scheming nanny. Do you really think you call the shots? YOu are a motherfucking domestic servant. You will be recorded how I see fit when I see fit. If I ask for a drug test or even a mother fucking blood test, you will comply. You will bring my receipts and leave the correct change to the motherfucking penny. If I tell you to jump, you better motherfucking jump or Ill hire the next tool in the shed to work for me. God knows there's a long line of you schlubs.
JY don't be so nasty. Nannies are not servants thank you. I was a Teacher before becoming a nanny by choice. You don't have to be such a jerk.
I do agree however about the cameras. Danish nanny why would you get so upset if you didn't have something to hide? Most states don't allow audio so what's the big deal if a family is making sure their beloved children are safe? You have a right to protect your home with security if you are away so why not your children with the same measures?
JY you are a horrible monster and I will NEVER work for a boss like you . I'm a Nanny and believe me, I am NOT a servant but someone who help my families raising the children and always do my best to make their life better. The minute a bitch like you treat me with such disrespect is the minute I give my notice to work for a much nicer family who will have some values unlike you
Oh and yeah , A NANNY CAN CALL THE SHOTS ;) I always do whenever I'm about to start a position . And this my dear, is why YOU ALWAYS WORK WITH A CONTRACT!!
Hey JY
I'm a nanny with a bachelors degree in psychology and currently working on my masters & PHD!!! Who also maintains a paid internship at a well known hospital in NYC. Lets get something straight here nannies are not SERVANTS You are a parent who thinks its okay to belittle nannies! No girlfriend not here. How about you get off your lazy ass Go do the laundry, Try to cook a meal for your kid, learn how to clean and go learn how to love and take care of your child. There are parents out there who have know idea how to tend to their child on there own and with an attitude like yours I'm guessing your one of them! You're Disgusting and your comment about nannies being servants truly makes me so angry that I kind want to crap on your floor just so you can clean it.
Hope you have a fabulous day!
From NANNY M, WHO HAS A DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY AND BELIEVES YOU NEED HELP!
I can see why you would be upset, OP! It most likely was a one-time thing (as other nannies said, having a tough day but not wanting to disappoint you with a lackluster report of the day) but I would suggest checking the footage a few more times over the next few days, and if it seems like she's fudging the truth (assuming it isn't anything major, like hurting or neglecting your kid,) casually ask her to send pictures of their day together. Or, if you don't actually care that they have a "lazy day" once in a while, find a way to casually mention that that's okay with you - so that she understands that what's REALLY important to you is hearing the truth.
Nannycam issue aside...
JY,
What planet are you on? Is this really how you view your nannies - the people in charge of raising your children when you aren't around? You view them as worthless servants who can't be trusted, who can be replaced at the drop of a hat (by other lazy idiots????)
Amazing, dedicated nannies like me are really hard to find, and replacing your nanny isn't like hiring a new secretary- your kids are involved. How can you expect your kids to trust, respect, and learn from a person that you yourself don't respect or trust? How can you expect your kids to develop a healthy relationship with their caregiver if they have no sense of stability, if the caregiver is always under threat of being removed?
You, as an employer, absolutely have the right to set your terms when it comes to your home and your kids, and I believe it's your prerogative to have a nannycam if it makes you feel better - but the bottom line is that you can't expect to attract "good help" if you treat your help like shit. Great nannies know their worth, and we know that there are wonderful families out there (like the one I work for) who understand the value of our work and show their appreciation for us every single day.
Just think about the kind of environment you are fostering in your own home, not only for your employees, but for your family as well.
Anonymous, I wouldn't be upset about a camera, not at all. On the contrary, I used to wish the last family I worked for had one... I have absolutely nothing to hide :)
What I am upset about is the secret nanny cam that I don't know about. I am not a house or a car, I am a human being, and if somebody wants to film me for such a large part of my day, I want to know that it's happening.
Not wanting to be filmed without my knowledge does not mean that I have something to hide.
As for JY's comment, I just laughed at that. No way it's for real.
Sadly, yes parents exist and think like JY and its a damn shame isnt even worth being addressed but if nannies are tools why dont you take care of your own fucking kid noooooo you need tools to do that for you fucking handicap prick..
on a lighter note,I have absolutely nothing to hide and appreciate honestly up front. Why do you need to hide cameras in books and bears when you can just let your nanny know. As a nanny what if my boobs itch, what if I want to make a personall call while baby is asleep... seriously both sides should be aware of whats going on at home. would you like to be watched every minute while you're at work and being judged for it...
aside from that nanny is wrong for lying there is just no need to lie about where and what you do with the kids...
I suggest speaking to her and also learning to be more up front with the whole camera thing.
As a nanny, I understand the family wanting to have a nanny cam, with all the stories about abuse and neglect, but you should most certainly be upfront and honest with the nanny if you expect the same out of them. I think it's hypocritical for you to expect something of her that you aren't giving yourself. I wouldn't work for a family I couldn't trust, and I've quit families because of it. It's a two way street, treat it as such. That being said, I don't think it was right for the nanny to lie about an outing with your child, but she could have had a low energy day and didn't want to disappoint. I've had days like that (granted I still went to the park, but I certainly wasn't as playful with the children as I normally would have been). If I were in your position, I would tell your nanny immediately that you were filming her and I'm sure this wouldn't happen again.
It sounds like you're both a little on the dishonest side - not saying this as a criticism, just that you're both not exactly forthcoming with information you each think may upset the other. Going forward, I think you should have a sitdown with your nanny, admit you've been using a nanny cam, and that you've been pleased by everything you've seen except this one instance. Apologize for your secrecy, and hopefully your nanny will understand. If this is a good working relationship for you both, maybe it can be reborn in an honest way from now on.
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