I ended up quitting a great after-school nanny job recently due to some awkward issues with DB. I hated every second of it and we are in a small community. I babysit for a lot of MB's friends. In the aftermath of all of this, I have been second-guessing my decision a lot. I wanted to ask if any other nannies have been in this situation and what other nannies would have done if they were in my shoes.
Starting from the beginning.... I absolutely love MB and the three kids. Best job I've had. They have always paid me well and treated me so nicely. I felt like I've been a good nanny to them too... I've gotten super close to the kids, take them to all their activities, clean without them asking and run errands for them when the kids are occupied. I've always felt like DB was kinda awkward. He has a "man cave" downstairs with like 8 posters of cheerleaders and swim suit models taking their clothes off. Never seen that in a household with three young kids, but I digress.
It started about three months ago. He followed me out the door when I was leaving one night and whispered urgently insisting I take an extra $5 (?) as a "tip." I said over and over no thanks I will just wait for MB to pay me for the week, but he insisted and I felt so awkward I mumbled thanks and took it and walked to my car. A few weeks later I was leaving at night again when MB wasn't home. The oldest daughter was watching TV in the room and as I was trying to leave he held his hand out like a handshake... I looked at him weird and he grabbed my hand and put a $20 in, telling me I was "great" and "deserved a tip"-- same whispery weirdness and wouldn't let my hand go until I took it. I felt wrong taking it but I just wanted the situation to end so I said thanks even though that's not necessary and walked out.
Then he would start coming home and sharing with me "Oh man I had a bad day..." or sharing with me all of the flaws he hated about MB. I felt that this was EXTREMELY inappropriate... I always worried the kids would hear and I'd try to either ignore him or stick up for MB when I could.
The other day was my birthday, and he came home... immediately ranting and swearing... telling me his wife has been complaining too much about the house being dirty... only pausing to tell me I was "so awesome" because I was doing the dishes. Then he changed into running clothes and came out saying "I can't find my brand new expensive GPS watch, my wife is always throwing my s*** everywhere and it p***** me off!" I felt so uncomfortable I walked into the son's room and said hey buddy want to jump on the trampoline outside?? Get your shoes on and I will be waiting for you...I walked over and opened the front door I was just ready to get out... and DB comes out of his bedroom holding a pair of heart boxers and goes, "Hey like my new underwear?" ?????????????????? I didn't comment... just walked out the door with the little boy and played outside till MB got home.
I called her this weekend and told her everything and told her I felt too uncomfortable to continue working there.. She apologized but I felt like she thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. She texted me a couple days later saying the kids are heartbroken... I've been second-guessing myself since then.
Did I do the right thing?? Has anyone else been in this situation?
9 comments:
You did the right thing. You should never stay in a situation where you are uncomfortable. You should not stay in a situation that could potentially compromise your personal safety. Don't let your former MB guilt you into coming back. She thinks her husbands behavior is no big deal meaning his behavior is likely to escalate and she would most likely blame you. Do not go back. I wish you luck in finding a new job. Please know that not all DBs are creeps.
You absolutely did the right thing! It doesn't matter if anyone thinks your "overreacting", if your uncomfortable then that is enough of a reason to remove yourself from the situation. And for what it's worth I don't think you were overreacting at all! DB was acting very inappropriately and it sounds like it would only get worse from there. It's hard to quit a job when you're so attached to the kids but you have to look out for yourself first!
You did the right thing. Absolutely.
I don't know if the DB was priming you for an affair, prostitution or to be assaulted, but, from what you describe, he was attempting to groom you for something. I further agree with the above poser who stated that MB doesn't see a problem with her husband's behavior and would probably blame you if/ when things go south.
I can think of no situation where a man would ask if a woman likes his underwear and he wasn't trying to sleep with that woman. Period. Full stop.
If you're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable. Don't let them get in your head and try to make you feel like a victim. All you're doing is preventing yourself from becoming a victim.
You were right to leave! Nannies are for providing childcare, not being an amusement toy for DBs.
Glad you are out of that house. I agree with others that things could have gotten dangerous for you. You did the right thing.
Sexual harrassment isn't tolerated on other jobs. Why should it be any different with nanny positions??
Thank you all for your affirmation. I'm the original poster. I think the reason I felt so unsure in my decision (besides the fact that I just hated to make it for the kids and myself), is that I have a very strict set of personal morals and I was wondering if that was allowing me to over think or read into things he was doing. But I'm glad to know that y'all would have done the same thing in my position! I would not have gone back but it's always nice to hear others affirm a tough decision.
Wow. Things would absolutely have escalated. I would have gotten out of there ASAP like you did. The mom probably acted like it was no big deal because she is used to his creeper behavior and has had to convince herself that it is normal.
Trust your instincts. You did the right thing.
You absolutely did the right thing by telling MB and getting out of there. DBs are getting more and more creepy these days!
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