I've been a live-in for my current family 5 months now. I stay Mon-Fri and go home on weekends. Everything has been going well with a few minor exceptions. We have a contract in place that is adhered to so for the most part I'm happy. One thing that really bothers me though is lack of privacy. I knew being a live-in I'd probably need to be flexible about that but the kids are always coming in and last week while I was away for the weekend the parents allowed a guest to stay in my room. I could tell they had rifled through some of my things but I don't think anything is missing. Am I wrong to feel disrespected? Should they have asked me first, or because it's their house, I should keep quiet about it? Short of getting a lock on my door, which they might find offensive, what else can I do? - Anonymous
17 comments:
I am guessing that since you go home on the weekends, the parents do not view the room you stay in as "your (the nanny's) room", but rather, "their extra/guest room" which they utilize for the nanny during the week, and other guests during weekends. You could have a discussion with them, but it's unlikely that they will change their perspective - especially if they have no other guest room.
I realize this will sound inconvenient, but I would suggest taking home all of your belongings every time you go home for the weekend. It should only require two bags (since you really only need one week's worth of clean clothing, bathroom items, and any personal items like a book or an iPod - all which can be easily transported back and forth weekly, especially if you have your own car) but the peace of mind it will provide should make up for any inconvenience you feel you are experiencing. It need not be an obvious, big deal, either; just approach it matter-of-factly as something you are doing to look out for YOU.
As far as the kids coming into your room, I would think you could incorporate a lesson in privacy and respect for personal space in these situations, using them as an opportunity to teach the kids to knock and wait for an invitation before entering, etc. If it truly becomes a problem - such as a son repeatedly barging in on you at the times when you exit the shower or are getting dressed - talk to the parents about putting a lock on the door.
Wow...my bosses would never allow anyone to stay in my room if I happened to be away. While it is their house, they refer to my room as MY room and never come in without permission. I would talk to them about allowing someone to stay there...tell them you felt like it was a violation of privacy. Be honest or it will happen again..confront the problem early on! That definitely was not okay.
I disagree. If this family ONLY wants a live-in nanny. Then they should give her a room and privacy. Also, not to let people stay in her room. What if she didn't feel like going home one weekend? Also, I would feel annoyed if they are sleeping in my bed. Where is her sense of privacy.
I agree you won't win this one if you confront them about guests on weekend. However, I disagree that they should be able to do whatever they want just because it is their house. If you were a regular tenant, you better believe I'd be telling you to get a lock for your door. But in this case, I would have to agree with WM and say take everything home with you each weekend.
Is the room part of your pay? Because if it is, then it IS your room. You are paying for it by watching their children just as much as I pay my rent by working and being paid. Yet, if I take off for the weekend, I would not expect the owner of my apartment to keep a guest here.
That may be an extreme example, but unless you are not receiving a reduced wage for living in, it applies.
WM is completely right. It is a huge inconvenience but your best bet is to pack everything up and take it with you from now on. I too was wondering if you are accepting a reduced wage for being a weekday live-in?
What a terrible situation. That shows total disrespect to you and your belongings that they let someone stay in your room. You deserve better than that OP. This alone is enough to know this is not a good family to work for.
I do not have experience as a live in, however if you are getting paid less than a live out nanny I feel like you would have a say in who sleeps in your room as it is part of you pay. If you just stay there because its easier for you than you will probably just have to take your things home with you on the weekends. Let us know what you decide to do!
Technically, you are not a live in if you have a home to go to on the weekends. Live in salaries are lower because the nanny is provided with a home as part of her compensation.
The issue here is, do you stay over week nights for your own convenience, or is it for your employers? If they hired you as a live in, and your salary reflects that, then they should provide you with a room that is exclusively yours, it is the same as renting. If you are being paid as a live out, and staying over by choice to avoid a long commute, then it is a guest room, and you should not leave things there on the weekends.
If you are required to stay weeknights they should provide you with a room of your own and you should not have to expected to have your things rummaged through.
If you are not required to stay , take your things with you.
You can discuss it with them, but it will most likely be a waste of breath. Live in or not there is a lack of respect for you and personal property going on.
That is your real issue a lack of respect for you. Everything else you mentioned is a symptom of that problem. If they do not respect you, you will have more problems with them for as long as you are at the position.
2 times in the past i rented a room where this happened and each time i waited till they were gone and installed a lock and yeah it made the landlords mad but they could not do anything about it
i just said, oh i did not think you would mind !
you do deserve better - let us know what happens
If OP's rent is included as part of her pay I definitely see a problem with the parents at least not asking if they could use her room. I would feel a complete invasion of privacy if this were me. Working mom's suggestion of taking your (personal) things home every weekend is a good one. Let us know what happens, please.
Interesting situation. I didn't know how to respond because I can't figure out if it's really "your room" or "the guest room the nanny sleeps in during the week but it's free on the weekend". I'd ask the MB how she views the room, say you're unsure.
If MB considers it free-for-all over the weekend, then I agree with the people who say to each week bring clothes and a "fun" backpack (books, music, etc.) and just take it home. However, maybe you could keep a locker in the room, some kinda box in the closet or under the bed (doesn't have to be locked neccessarily). That way you could keep personal things in it (shampoo, tampons, extra socks, extra phone charger, etc.) to minimize what you have to bring back and forth every week. Then, this locker/box needs to be off-limits to everyone else, of course. Good luck!
Lianne, good idea! But I would say if she is going to keep a box of personal items in the room, definitely lock it!
Get a foot locker and a lock. Ask the parents to give you a head's up when they will need your room so you can put your stuff away.
I think it is unacceptable that they let someone stay in your bedroom without your permission. I would be angry if I were you.
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