I don't know if this is a story you want on ISYN but I thought I'd try anyway. I'm a nanny myself and was with my charges the other day in the park when I noticed a very tiny little girl interacting with one of my charges for quite awhile. I started looking around for parents or a nanny for this little child and couldn't see anyone that seemed to be looking for her. It was a very big park, full of people and very busy at the time, with two separate jungle gym type areas. We were at the far end right near the parking lot.
After a few minutes playing with my charges, she noticed that I had their dog with me over by the tree where I was watching them from. She came right over to me and started asking about the dog, telling me all about her dog, and all about her life including her first and last name and that she was 3 years old. She was adorable, chatty, friendly, and still NO one was looking for her. I kept looking all around the park, and I looked at my phone and the total time she was with me/my charges was 20 minutes! My boss/charge's house was less than a mile from there. I could have been anyone!!! The reason she came over to me was because of the dog, and if I was the wrong kind of person, I could have had her in my car and back at their house twice over in the amount of time she was with me. By the way, this is Tucson, Arizona. A city where we still have Isabelle Celis missing since April, and now there are two girls in Iowa missing since July.
I even asked this girl who was with her and she said "mommy, but she's tired, she's reading her book over there" and pointed in the direction of a mass of people and kids. After 20 minutes with me, (and she's lucky it was me), this mom started calling her name from somewhere far away and then screamed at her for talking to a stranger. How about you WATCH your kid, idiot? I knew all about her life by the time she came and got her and could have been gone with her by then if I had been the wrong person, and the way the park was set up it could have easily happened! I was furious but the mom whisked her away so I said nothing but I've been thinking about it and getting more angry ever since it happened.
Just as a side note here - I see lots of posts about "bad" nannies or nannies who don't constantly play with their kids and maybe I'm biased since I'm a nanny myself but whenever I'm in parks or play groups, it's the moms who sit around chatting with other moms or read magazines or talk or text on their phones more than the nannies do. We're expected to be perfect at all times, and I'm not saying I'm perfect but I'm super paranoid about watching mine, and maybe I'm not constantly hovering over them or trying to play with them (they DO need independant play sometimes people), but I ALWAYS have my eyes on them! If you see a nanny sitting on a bench watching her kids, don't assume she's lazy because she's not playing with them. Kids need to play with other kids sometimes. The point is to watch them closely and not let them wander off! - Anonymous
37 comments:
Oh, but don't you know that Moms are allowed to be lazy at the park and allow screen time at home because they aren't the ones being paid to parent?
Oh my goodness! I cannot stand people like that! Parent/gaurdian OR Nanny! I think when the Mom finally came over and belittled the child for talking to a stranger I would have said "she's been over here for 20 minutes now. You're just lucky I'm not one of the thousands of child abductors in this country"! I realize mom would probably give me a nasty look and walk off, child in tow. But maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to remind her that it only takes a minute for something horrible to happen.
nannyinmanhattan said...
Nicely said, and I completely agree with the last paragraph especially. I'm a NYC nanny and the parents/moms that come to parks just make me sick! (for lack of a better word) Just this week, my three year old was playing in a sandbox, this slightly older (or maybe the same age) kid comes over, knocks over what my kid was building, takes his stuff and when he stands up, proceeds to attempt to push him over (I was there by then to put a stop to that) When I said to the mother who was just a couple feet away if she saw what her son just did, she shrugged her shoulders because she didn't see, her face was buried in a tabloid. I said if you put the magazine away and keep your eyes on your mutt (yes mutt, I considered saying bully) that would be appreciated. She replies to me she was allowed to read1 The nerve of some people. Good thing we were wrapping up our morning because getting into anything with these idiots is just a waste! they're idiots and their kids are bullies and everyone's OK with it...so annoying!
Ms. Vivienne - LOL, I must have forgotten that part. ;) I know those parents, I've worked for them. TV is evil and brain-rotting (except before the nanny gets there in the morning, and the second she leaves in the evening, then it's ok.)
The tv makes a great babysitter for parents who don't want to parent but have no choice but to let the nanny go home after a certain amount of hours. But while I'm there, it turns into the devil and I'm not allowed to touch it.
Isabelle's father did something to her. That's my opinion on that particular case.
Kids can easily slip out of site. I can't relax & sit. I follow my child around, unless I have a clear view. Some parks you have to follow your child or you risk losing them! I know what you mean thinking luckily it was you. I've been in that situation & its sad.
The mom is allowed to read. Are you a parent? Its IMPOSSIBLE to keep your eyes on your child 24/7. Its. An unrealistic expectation. What the child did needed correction, I agree of course. But I feel the way you handled it was way out of line. Callng her child a name? That's extremely immature. You sure didn't come off looking to be the sensible one. Oh & you're supposed to use a moniker. Your posts will get deleted if you don't follow the rules.
to the OP - thank you for taking the time to write and to engage the little girl despite your concerns - you may have saved her from something different
mutt?
JustSaying - First of all, I e-mailed this in with a name. I was surprised to see that it said anonymous once it got posted but I didn't post it, I e-mailed it in and it showed up that way. And also, where in my post did I call this child a name? I did no such thing. You obviously misread.
And ok, fair enough, it's an unrealistic expectation to watch a child 24/7 when it comes to moms but not when it comes to nannies.
And no, I'm not a mom. Which of course makes me ignorant on any child-related issues right? Any woman can give birth to a child, even one who has never interacted with one in her life. Everyone is a first-time, newbie parent at some point, but if someone who's been working with kids full-time, in all different settings for 15 years hasn't given birth, that makes them a moron who doesn't know as much as mothers do? That kind of thinking has pissed me off on more than one occasion. It's not true, and I'm sick of that high-and-mighty attitude from people just because they have pushed a kid out.
So again, no I'm not a mom. But I've never once lost a kid that was in my care either. Everyone, mother or not, makes mistakes. I'm not saying mothers have to be perfect. I was just trying to bring awareness to something really serious that seems to be happening a lot in our country lately and has for years.
Repost #1:
Well it's possible you see many negative posts regarding nannies, on this site, quite possibly because this does happen to be a website devoted to that topic. (: True, there is always the could have been, but the fact remains, the child wasn't harmed. Her mom was obviously alarmed when she found her daughter. How do you know she wasn't looking for her child several minutes prior? I get your concern...but it would be safe to dispense with the assumptions. There are many "bad" parents, true, but there are also less than great caregivers, cops, doctors, attorneys, the list goes on and on. (:
Aug 15, 2012 11:07:00 AM
Yes, you called the kid a mutt. That's obviously a name, unless the kid is an actual mutt. Are you saying the child is a dog?
Being a nanny can not be compared to being a parent. If you were a parent you wouldn't be judging a mom for reading a magazine while her child played. Wait until you have kids. Let's see if you never relax & read while they play. Obviously as a nanny you're implying that you wouldn't have let the child out of your site. All parents are perfect. Until they have children that is.
I was talking about anon posts. Not the topic that came in anon. The rules say no anon posts.
If people would STOP posting anonymous & start following the rules it wouldn't be so confusing.
Karli- it is an issue on this site of people second guessing the original posters of sightings and accusing them etc - it's just a wird facet of the internet i guess ;)thank you for moving thru that and taking the time for your post
It's very clear the little girl was in potential danger - there are many many other options to take a child to read and zone out other than a super crowded park
thank you for the sighting ! you are very circumspect and thoughtful when it comes to children and their welfare
JustSaying said...
" Its IMPOSSIBLE to keep your eyes on your child 24/7. Its. An unrealistic expectation."
No one said anything about 24/7. The Issue is keeping an eye on children in a PUBLIC PARK where they could wander off, get injured, or behave in a way that requires the intervention of an adult.
Apparently looking @ a magazine for sixty seconds is not allowed. @@
@justsayin...OP did not call the child a mutt, a previous poster, nannyinmanhattan, I believe..called a child a mutt in a similar situation as the OP. Read before you accuse.
Whatever.
Ohhh this just reminded me of an incident at our park a few weeks ago, just as dangerous.
I had taken my two charges to the usual park at the usual time. Most days the kiddos eat their snacks in the car on the way over, or at home before we leave, but this day we'd packed snack. The kids were hungry, so we moved to the edge of the playground by some seats and I pulled the baggies out of my purse and handed one to M and one to G.
A little girl was standing right by us, and when she saw she asked me if she could have some. That was a bit odd to me, so I told her sadly "No, I'm sorry, I only packed enough for two." I then looked around for her parent or nanny and saw no adults looking her way.
She kept standing there, and G suddenly reached into his snack and handed her a piece, being super proud of himself for sharing. Since he's only 3, I was pretty proud of him too, and made sure to praise him for being generous.
No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I realized that the snack we'd packed that day was pretzels full of peanut butter. I looked around for the girl, but she had already eaten the snack. I looked around for parents again... again, never saw anyone watching her.
I was amazed, knowing the prevalence of peanut allergies these days. That could have ended so very badly.
Well...
Good point OP.
As both a parent and a nanny, I think I was more relaxed as a parent when out w/my children because I wasn't accountable to anyone except myself and they were MY own kids.
But when working as a nanny, I am like 110% more conscious and responsible for every move I make since I am watching someone else's child and am accountable to their parents, etc.
Anyway, I agree that parents can be just as lax as nannies.
I agree with JMTC that I am more relaxed with my own kids than other peoples'. Even if I have my kids' friends over for playdates, I watch them much more closely than my own kids because I simply don't know their behaviors well enough to know what is safe with them.
There are bad parents and bad nannies. The difference is nannies can be fired. Parents can only be reported to ACS/CPS for abuse/neglect so the standard for reporting is higher.
Nonetheless, I completely agree that no adult with a child in a busy park should be reading. I am actually okay with a phone call since that allows you to keep your eyes on the kids, but not any reading since your head is down. Of course, this depends somewhat on the age of the kids, but the mom in the posting doesn't sound very conscientious.
Hahaha I accidentally posted as Anonymous after all that talk of not doing that. Sorry!
I am a parent and I would never leave my children alone. I have two boys four and two, and I am right there when we go somewhere. When we go to the park I am not reading or relaxing. If I wanted to rest I would be at home where I knew no one could take my kids. Do not attack the op.... Thank god nothing horrible happened to the child. Kids can run off so quickly or be grabbed in a blink of an eye. Nannies and parents both alike need to be on their A game when taking kids out.
Maybe it comes down to personality type... I am a super type A (not really proud of it either) and I never once took my eyes off my kids in a public place. I can say that my kids never even got injured in my care, although two got hurt at school and both needed stiches. I watched them so carefully that I could stop potential trouble well before it happened. My daughter is so much more laid back with her two kids. They run free and she doesn't often keep a really good eye on them. It makes me nuts! The three year old has already gone to the ER to get a stitch or two... nothing major, but still....
Some moms and dads just aren't as watchful or worried. Not that they're bad parents, just more easy going, I guess.
Well pin a rose on your nose, Christine. Kids fall, kids get hurt. I watch my charge like a hawk but apparently his sippy cup was leaking and I was sitting right there when he was walking but still he slipped and fell. No injuries but things can still happen even if you are hovering over them. Your sister is letting her kids be kids and not bubblewrapping them like the rest of todays parents are.
As for op- I agree the mother should have been watching her daughter. My mom watched me at play (I'm 23 now), she might have talked to other pants but her eyes were always on me. She didn't interfee with my play until I was being mean or getting too far. As for being daring she couldn't really take that away from me as it was just my nature but if she had time to stop me she would haha. Wanna relax? Go home, turn on 'my baby can read' (which suggests you stick them in a playpen for an hour so they have nothing to do but watch the dvd) and then read.
Lol parents ha not pants, that'd just be silly.
Ya know, I'm not proud that I was a nervous parent, just saying people have different personalities. My kids are in their 20's now, so I'm not a new mom with helicopter tendancies. I was just very watchful. Not that that is a good thing or a bad thing. If you really read the post, you would see that. I'm not critical of parents who are less vigilant than I was. In fact, I wish I was able to relax more as a parent.
I don't think some of you read the part where the post says the kid was out of her moms sight talking to a stranger for 20 MINUTES. It's not like Mom looked away for a second and lost track of her kid.
I'm all for Mom'ss getting downtime. Just read your magazine at home. You don't have to stand beside your child the entire time you're at the park. Feel free to have a seat. Even have a nice long phone call to a friend. Just keep yourself where you can clearly see your child.
To the previous Anon poster (the first in this thread) who said that "the fact remains the child wasn't harmed", I have this to say: just because there are only 2-3 kidnappings on the nightly news does not mean that's all there are. There are THOUSANDS of kids every year who are abducted. And I imagine in a lot of those cases it could have been prevented if a parent/nanny/guardian was paying a little more attention. 20 minutes without checking on you child in a park is deplorable.
Well it's nice to read there are more people who appreciate my original post than ones who want to attack me for it. Thanks for all the people with insightful things to say instead of ones who just want to stir up trouble and have to get their opinions in. :)
Sorry Karli, I didn't catch the post underneath claiming this one before I deleted it:
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"JustSaying - No, I didn't call anyone a mutt, that was a different poster with a completely different story."
Karli said:
"JustSaying - First of all, I e-mailed this in with a name. I was surprised to see that it said anonymous once it got posted but I didn't post it, I e-mailed it in and it showed up that way."
_________________________________
You did not give me permission to use your name. I promise everyone who writes ISYN anonymity, so unless at the end of the Submission it has their name or a moniker, I do not Publish it.
The reason I now use anonymous (or a moniker if one is provided) is because new people visiting the Blog wrongly assume I am the author of all the Posts.
Thanks for explainin, MPP, it's really no big deal to me, I was only mentioning it because of something another poster said about posting anonymous. :) No problem about deleting that other post. Thanks for all your hard work!
I do have a concern. I don't know how YOU as a nanny allowed her to engage you for 20 minutes. I realize she's not your responsibility, but I think if a little girl (and according to you, a "very tiny little girl") came up to you with no parent/guardian/nanny looking for her, I think after 5 minutes, 10 tops, you should have asked her if she could take you to her mother or whoever brought her. I don't want to seem like I'm bashing you, I commend you for keeping your eyes peeled for someone who may have been looking for her, but I think you could've taken a more active approach to find who she belongs to. Because you're right, you could've been the wrong person at the wrong time, God forbid. I would've asked her "who did you come with? What are they wearing today? What color hair do they have?...etc." You didnt specify how old she was, but if she is walking and talking (obviously she is since you learned so much about her in 20 mins), she should be able to tell you something. It just makes me nervous...20 minutes is long time! My heart starts jumping when I look into the living room from the kitchen and I don't see C*****!!! How that woman let her child go 20 minutes is beyond me! I'm sure she was looking for though, right? I mean she had to be!!!
But about your last part, I totally agree on. I am a fellow nanny, and every time I go to the park it's the moms who are clutter together talking about who knows what while their children run amuck!! I don't care to eavesdrop cause I have more important things to do...like watch C*****!!! Most the time kids behave badly when they know mommy isnt looking, and they're the ones I see kicking, hitting, bullying while their moms chat away. I'm not saying you can't socialize just because you have kids, just be mindful of your children in public.
I see your point for sure. I did shorten the story a little for the sake of posting it here...
I tried asking her a few questions about where her mom was while she was with me. She didn't seem scared or lost, and kept trailing off onto other topics like kids do. She told me she was 3 and had just had a birthday party, so she was a new 3 year old. When I first asked and she told me mommy was over "there". she pointed to a mass of people and kids and I couldn't see anyone with a book anywhere. I did ask her a few other things like "Do you know where she is? Should we go look for her? she's probably wondering where you are" etc. And every time I did, she would just say "No, it's ok". or "I don't know". And then switch to some other topic or ask more about my dog. I also had 2 kids to keep an eye on and a very hyper lab (which i was told by my boss to bring with us). I must admit that after awhile, I was just curious as to how long this child would stay with me and I was getting more and more pissed about it because I felt so sorry for her that she isn't protected more. And no it didn't seem at all like anyone was looking for her. No one was running around screaming any name or asking people if they had seen her. When the mom did come over, she seemed very calm and didn't say anything like "Where have you been?" All she did was tell her not to be talking to people she didn't know and kind of yanked her arm to take her away and gave me a dirty look like I had taken her over there on purpose. :/
If my charges and I had had to leave or anything, there's no way I would have just left her there though. I would have then more actively looked for her parent and worst-case scenario, called the police (or called my boyfriend who IS the police to ask what protocol is in that case.)
But yeah, I guess I could have walked her around right then to look for a parent, I just kept thinking one would show up any minute and was shocked that it took so long.
No problem, Karli ;-)
Thanks!
I understand now. It is ashame!! Can't imagine if she wandered off to the wrong person. If that woman was so irritated by her child talking to strangers, maybe she should parent her child more and TEACH her not to talk to strangers, let alone approach them. It makes me mad that she blew you off like that!!! Had that been me...I would've approached her and let her know that for the past 20 minutes her child has been telling me her life story while she was nowhere in sight. You're a nanny with a job to do, but when another child walks up to you with no parent around, it's your uncalled job to make sure they are safe too.
nannyinmanhattan said...
OK, I do agree I was WAY OUT OF LINE in calling the kid a name. That was entirely immature and I do agree with all of you for flaming me for that however, you had to be there! That mother looked me in the eye and said she was allowed to read while her child was bulling kids in a sandbox. I was really upset because I wanted her to say something to her child but instead she, with an attitude said to me she was allowed to read after I brought to her attention what her son was doing. Read at home for goodness sake! Watch your kid at the park, especially a kid with no behavior! Nevertheless,I am/was sorry at the time everyone...hee hee
I also can't figure out that moniker thing...tried something different this time, hoping it works.
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