I am a nanny that specializes in infant care, I currently nanny for a 3 month old little girl. I always feel bad that i am usually the one that is there for all the firsts. First time to rollover, first steps, first words etc. I am sure all of you have been there too. Nannies, I am curious if you tell mb or wait till she sees it for herself and let her think it was the first time? Moms, which would you prefer?
21 comments:
When little Johnny takes his very first step while you're watching him, you don't want to tell the mom that. Instead, you want to say, "I think Johnny's just about ready to take his first step." Then, let mom experience the thrill of experiencing that first.
A Mom
You lie.
My charges saved every milestone for the few hours at night they spend with their parents, it was amazing how they just knew to wait......
I think it depends on the personality and relationship you have with the parents. A lot OF MB's would be pretty sad about missing that. My currentt MB(who rocks) has the attitude that this first time she sees it is a big deal to her and it is just as exciting. She'd much rather know about those milestones.
I always give the so and so is close to rolling, walking etc
That way mom doesn't feel like she missed anything and I'm looking out for baby's safety
If I were a mom and my kid did something for the first time and someone else experienced it. I would get pissed and probably jealous. I would smile and say how wonderful that was an act happy. If it kept happening I would start to hate you and then do things like passively aggressively abuse you. Then if it continued i would think that my kid preferred you as a mom and then I would fire you.
That is the of how a nice person becomes an evil crazy person. I really don't think you should tell her. PP said it best "just tell her you think they are about to do so and so."
Most moms feel guilty for leaving their kids to begin with. Some feel like they are abandoning them and being bad parents. Give them those little milestone gifts.
The PPs are right, you say "Baby is so close to rolling over, I bet she will do it tonight!"
I agree with the above posters. In my case, the older sibling (if they see the first happen) may tell them first because we get so excited when baby rolls/crawls/walks. :)
My MB is amazing about 'firsts' and me experiencing them...we did have a talk about it when I first started the job when my charge was a newborn...I asked her flat out if she wanted me to tell her or keep it from her, and she said tell her. I've managed to get almost every first on camera, and she is excited to see it for herself when she gets home from work each day. I can understand the Moms that wouldn't want to know...but my MB is different, I guess. Same with first trips to the zoo, first time swimming, first music class, etc., I do all of those things with permission. She said she would rather him be able to do those things with me, than maybe not get to go at all or much later if he had to wait for her to bring him because she works ALL the time.
My son was in daycare for his first 18 months (well, other than his initial 6 weeks home with me), so I missed most of his "firsts" and didn't even think about them happening at daycare.
As far as I was concerned, when he did something for the first time with me or my husband, THAT was our first for us. It didn't really matter that he might have already done it when we didn't see it. We focused on the time that we DID see it.
Same thing after we got a nanny.
I will say, however, that I am impressed with the compassionate tone of many of the responders to this post, to refrain from announcing a "first" and instead pose it to the parents that "he/she is very close to doing it!", for those parents for whom "actual firsts" are really important.
Always let parents experiance the firsts, first.
Maybe these parents should keep their ass at home and they'd get to see it. Don't bother with the but what if they have to work. Do you know how much money you blow a year on a nanny. You're working to have a nanny and nothing else.
@workingmom what an amazing way to look at things!
I do the same as previous posters.
I guess the cat's out of the bag on this one fellow nannies.
I always tell my MB that my charges are getting really close to whichever milestone. I know she appreciates me not telling her that she missed something special.
Same as PP - I almost always tell the parents that their baby is SO CLOSE to x, y, z. The only exceptions are safety issues - e.g., the baby who just would not pull up for his mom and dad and the crib mattress needed to be lowered for safety reasons. We also check-in before pediatrician appointments, in case there is some sort of discrepancy in what we've seen.
For non-big firsts (more like parlor tricks or milestones) I take video/pictures. This is things like identifying colors, blowing kisses, swimming solo at swim class. I think these are more relevant/frequent after infancy.
I wouldn't lie, personally. I would probably just not offer the information. If they asked me, I would tell them truthfully. Why shelter a parent from reality and make them think something is true when it's not? If a parent is secure in their need to work so much that they never see their child, why does it matter if you tell them the truth? If they feel guilty if they miss their child's first, perhaps that is their conscience telling them something.
My son's babysitter called me the moment he took his first steps and it broke my heart, but I also appreciated it.
When I nannied for one family they gave me a phone that could take video and I caught their daughter taking her first steps (we were all there for the first time she crawled), I sent the video right away, mom called and cried a little on the phone but was also overjoyed that I had captured it on video for her.
I don't lie and I don't want my son's sitter to either. But that's just me.
Hey, oh pack it in...I do HAVE to work. I'm a single mom. So I missed my son's first steps and I was sad, so what, he took more for me later. I don't have a nanny, I have a babysitter, she isn't as expensive as a nanny, but she still costs me a chunk of cash. Should I just quit my jobs (that's right, I have more than one job) and live on the streets because of all the money I "blow" on childcare? JUST so I can stay home and see his firsts? You MUST be a sahm who thinks any mom who isn't, is a terrible mom. BTW, I don't work JUST to pay for childcare, I also work to pay rent, utilities, car insurance, gas, diapers, wipes, clothing, food, toiletries and for everything else we need/have. So thanks for playing, but you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.
Amy said "thanks for playing" lmao, sorry but that hit my funnybone! Girl you are too cute! ;-)
I am not a mother, but as a nanny I can tell you that it's best to ask the parents what they prefer. Some parents do not want to know if their children have made a milestone, and then there are others that want to know everything that happens when they are not there. I would say that most first-time parents want to experience it all on their own, but families with other children usually don't care. That's just my experience.
This is the one case where I actually will lie to an MB or DB, but only in a lie of omission. If mom comes right out and asks me if baby took a step, I will answer truthfully. However, they usually don't ask specifically, so I keep quiet and let mom and dad enjoy the "firsts."
Once I had a mom tell me that her child said "book" for the first time that day. I didn't tell her that the baby has been saying "book" to me for 3 weeks. I assumed she knew. I didn't want to make mom feel bad, because she obviously doesn't read to her child as much as I do. The kid loves books, but I don't need to throw that in mom's face.
I always told. But thats because I worked for bitches and assholes who left for work when their kids were asleep and got home from work when their kids were asleep and showed zero interest in their kids.
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