This story is about an employer I worked for from June 27th, 2011 to April 19th, 2012. I'm not sure if you can post names or not legally, but I'll give you their names and you take it from there. The mom is T. L., she works for L***** and Associates. It's a global brand design company. One day she will say she is the CEO, the next day she will say she isn't the CEO, she is the Senior Designer, so not sure which is true. I don't know the company the dad works for, his name is K. H., but he is an Architect. They have bragged to me before that they bring in around $130,000 a year. This is a great income for Cincinnati, OH. They own a really nice home near Hyde Park, right off of Columbia Parkway.
I started when their twins were 3 months old. They were the BEST babies ever. I very quickly bonded with them. The parents were at first great, too. Said I was a part of the family that they were so glad to have me and all that. The pay sucked from the beginning, but I was desperate for a job. They originally offered $250 a week for 45 hours, but promised additional compensation for any hours over that, and promised raises at 6 months, 1 year, so on and so forth. They also said my job was strictly to take care of the twins, and the only chores I had to do was clean up my own mess, wash the baby bottles, and do the babies laundry. At first they went out of their way to make me feel welcome. They asked what food I would like in the house, they often brought me home dinner, asked how my day was with genuine concern, and were very polite. The problems started around when the babies turned 6 months.
Suddenly my hours drastically changed. I went from working 8:30 to 5:30 every day, to working as early as 7am to as late as 9pm. They would call me during my work day and say, "Hey listen there's a ball game we got last minute tickets for we need you to stay until 9. We will pay you extra and buy you some dinner!" I agreed because I loved the babies and for fear they would get upset if I didn't. What started out as one night every so often became multiple days a week. Eventually there was not a single week I worked under 50 hours, and most were getting up to 70 hours. I was there from the time the babies woke up til they went to bed. The dad was always the one who paid me, so I began asking nicely about my extra pay. He would always say oh yeah I'll just throw it in there on pay day. Then on pay day it wouldn't be there so I would say "What about my money for working late?" He would say "I forgot... I promise next time I will though." This happened over and over. They also promised me holidays off but began calling me in on holidays promising me extra pay and never following through. One holiday I came in the entire day, 12 hours, they promised to provide me my meals but never did so I worked and was starving all day. Anyways despite this I stayed because I loved the babies so much.
When the babies turned 8 months it got worse. Suddenly the chores increased drastically. She tried to play them off as "this is just a list of chores in case you have the time", but then when she came home if I hadn't mopped, swept, done the dishes, and done her laundry she was pissed. Eventually I started to do the chores and then came the criticism. One morning she made breakfast and left food crusted all over the counter. Feeling it wasn't my responsibility I didn't touch it. She came home and blew up at me over it, insisting I clean it NOW. The way she talked to me was out of line but I dealt with it. They began taking advantage of me, leaving their trash, dirty plates, clothes, everything all over the counters, coffee table, and floors expecting it picked up. They also told me to start bathing the babies daily, which I didn't mind (previously she said she liked to do it) what I did mind was her coming home, smelling the babies, then not believing me that I bathed them.
The worst part though was the dad. He began making comments on my weight and eating habits. One day I ordered pizza he came home and said, "You know if you wouldn't eat that crap you probably wouldn't be so overweight." That was hurtful... but I was so shocked I didn't know what to say so I ignored it. A few days later he demanded I start walking the babies a minimum of 1 hour a day because I "need the exercise". Out of anger, I refused to do so. I was already walking them 20 mins a day, plus outside play time, and his request angered me so I refused. This turned into a constant battle between us. He would come home to a spotless house and clean happy babies and say, "What do you DO all day? Just sit around?" He would also correct the way I spoke. He hated when I said don't, won't, or can't, he said "Around my kids you will say do not, will not, cannot." He was starting to make me miserable. Add that to long hours, the kids now older and crawling and getting into everything, I was getting burnt out and emotionally nearing a breakdown.
Finally last week was it for me. The entire week the dad would in the mornings walk right past me not even acknowledging I was there. One morning he actually brushed up against my arm knocking me back a little and still didn't say a word to me, but before he left he said to the mom in a hateful tone, "Make sure you talk to her about all of the issues we are having with her." When she sat down to talk to me, the "issues" were I used too much milk for the babies, I used the AC too much (even though they told me to put the temperature at whatever made me comfortable, so I set it at 70), and that they couldn't afford to pay for all my mistakes. So on Thursday (I normally am paid $500 every 2 weeks on Friday, and that amount includes for Friday's childcare) I asked to be paid early. The dad flipped out interrogating me as to why, I told him I needed it for gas and bills. He gave it to me, I walked out, and emailed the mom and told her I quit. I told her all the nasty things the dad said to me and that I couldn't take it anymore, I told her that by my calculations they owed me over $600 in overtime wages and that the $500 they gave me that included for Friday, that the Friday amount I will just consider towards the back pay the dad owes me. I then changed my phone number. That night my husband got a flood of calls and texts on his phone, somehow they had his number I must of given it to them. They were acting all nice saying please the kids adore you please don't leave. My husband told her I wouldn't talk to her on the phone but she could email me back. The next morning she emailed me a hateful email saying I owed 2 weeks notice to her and I better come back Monday. I told her she owed it to me to honor her side of the contract and treat me with respect.
The day after I quit she posted an ad on care.com offering $5 to $10 an hour (she won't give you over $5), she will pay under the table just like me I promise, and the ad is by T. L. the zip code to look her up is 45226, and she is asking for care for her 13-month-old twins. I reported her to the care.com staff because I don't want this to happen to another nanny. I will say the babies were LOVELY amazing perfect little babies, but nobody deserves that abuse from the parents. Thank you for considering posting my story. I never want another person to go through what I went through. - M. R.
105 comments:
Pro nanny
Op, I m so very sorry to hear these parents took advantage of you and treated you so terribly. Sadly I hear about this from fellow nanny friends and I myself have encountered families like yours ALL the time. It's easy to say it's really bad I should walk away, but when the kids are easy and you need to work sometimes we nannies think "hey, the parents suck but the kids are great and I'm thankfully employed if I hang in there it'll get better." We all have bills to pay and walking away is scary. But it always seems like we nannies always seem to "hang in there," in bad situations and unfortunately things always snowball regardless of any efforts to make the bad working environment better until one day you just snap and cannot take the BS any longer.
What may help not only help shed some light on your situation OP but ALL parents out there, if you are going to out your child in daycare regardless if it's in home private care, or a drop off center you CANNOT control every single thing a caregiver does, say, or moves. It's ludicrous to think you can tell a nanny how to speak around your child, how to feed them, dress them, and so on. I understand you may have expectations and like things done a certain way but at the end of the day what matters most is your child or children is being cared for by a warm, loving attentive person who helps a child thrive, healthy and happy. It's that simple. In my opinion if parents like the ones you work for OP want to micromanage every single thing and are that ridiculously critical over your hard work and efforts then maybe they should stay home and care for their kids themselves. If staying home isn't an option well then parents out there then appreciate the great nanny you have and realize you have to treat her with respect so she can do her job well!
OP I understand your story here, I work for parents that do nothing but complain about everything I do never have anything positive to say to me which can wear you down, the DB is always correcting my speech, condescending, and micromanaging everything. All things things over time can wear you down not only physically but emotionally. Sometimes I wish they could see how lucky they are to have great childcare. Good luck on finding a new job and you did the right thing by reporting the family you worked for to Care.com and on this website. Parents shouldn't have bad child care and nannies shouldn't have to work for terrible parents.
OP, I'm glad you finally got the strength to leave. it isn't easy I know from personal experience.
But we live and learn bumps & bruises from one experience make us stronger and wiser the next time around.
I always wonder what makes a person so mean.
Don't worry a great family is waiting for you.
eek so sorry you worked for such horrible people :(
i think they removed their listing- the closest thing I could find was a Tracie H.??
Oh for heaven's sake! Why on earth would you stay for so long? Yes, we all love our charges, but they aren't even going to remember you. You have to put yourself first and if you are being drastically underpaid (and illegally, I might add) and emotionally abused at work...you don't have to put up with it! Are you trying to make yourself out to be some kind of martyr? By the way, I think it was really tacky the way you posted the parents' personal info on here. You think you're trying to "protect" the next nanny from getting into the same situation you were in, but hopefully she wouldn't be so dumb as to accept a 45-hour a week job for $250 anyway.
Exactly, Miss. Mannah!!
I really can't understand why someone would stay that long!! Underpaid, treated like crap. True the kids are not going to remember you. They will fall in love with another "victim".
If my husband knew I was being treated like that either he would make me quit right then and there. Or he would go down there and start something with the father
I think it is good that OP posted this story along w/other pertinent information so that no other Nanny goes through what she went through. If only I had the luxury of someone doing this before I worked for some of the worst families on the planet, it could avoided me a lot of stress!
Mannah: Contrary to what others may think about your viewpoints, I happen to love them. Once again, you hit the nail right on the head. She may have loved her charges, however, you are right when you said she was overworked, underpaid and emotionally abused. And yes, she had every right not to put up with it.
I worked in a center with a similar owner as OP's MB and DB. Fingerpointing, yelling, degrading, crabby, braindead and total dipshit. Had a "degree" in ECE, yet did not provide support to teachers. Allowed children to hit, pinch, bite, kick, slap, scratch and injure staff; one of the teachers who got injured was pregnant. I was the prime target, for some reason. Not sure why. Anyway, I would discipline the children, or attempt to, and they would run crying to her. She comforted them with hugs and kisses, even treats. One child slapped another child over a toy, being removed from the learning center and the toy taken away. The girl runs to the office, screaming hysterically. The owner calmed her down, left with her, and brought her back about an hour later with Mc D's. WTF?
My last straw came when my co-worker's then 2 year old son scratched me across the face when I attempted to discipline him. My face swollen and red, body exhausted as normal and my anger rising faster than boiling water, I went home that night and thought about my options. I got ready for work the next and stayed home. I quit my job without notice, and I didn't care. She didn't respect me or the profession. I was able to breathe again and felt so much better. Two days later, she was arrested for fraud charges as part of a mortgage fraud ring for a local crime boss.
Mannah, I don't think she was wrong for identifing the family, as she was trying to warn other nannies about them. If someone asked me who my former boss was, I would gladly tell them.
The cool thing about my boss? She lost everything, including her crappy center and the BMW X5 suv...Karma is a bitch.
OP: Thanks for the heads up. As someone who has been in a similar situation, I thank you!
I agree with Miss Mannah on the issue of posting the family's info. Tacky is an understatement.
OP: I think it is great that you posted the parent's info. Hopefully this will ensure that no other nanny goes through the hell you went through.
Good for you.
You know what? Good for you for posting this OP and good for you for having the balls to post their personal info...sounds like a terrible situation and all you were trying to do was save another nanny from potentially entering into it. Miss Mannah, go fly a kite...bring your negativity elsewhere. I'm so sick of you tearing everyone down on this site.
To everyone giving her crap about staying with a job...maybe she lacks the backbone that some of you have...I am the same way. A flaw, yes...I wish I could better stand up for myself when it comes to my job sometimes but the fact of the matter is, I don't. Don't criticize her for staying just because you would have done it differently. It's way easier said than done for some of us! Also, she clearly loved those children...and I have read on here so many times people say "get over it, it's just a job"...but for so many nannies IT'S NOT! It's hard not to get attached and love these children like your own when you are RAISING them! You would be heartless if you thought it was easy to ever walk away from a situation like this without even thinking twice about it. There are things I HATE about my job. I'm not miserable...but have thought about leaving a few different times. I haven't because I love what I do and I love my charge. How many moms have I talked to that say it is RARE and AMAZING to find someone to care for your children that truly LOVES THEM. Maybe I put my heart into my job too much, but I can think of worse flaws to have.
Instead of sticking your scrunchie where it doesn't belong- take the post for what it is. Sometimes we have dire circumstances that keep us in a terrible position bc we are left to feel the way we are treated. Less. Incompetent. Depressed. Worthless. Whatever you want to call it.
Kudos to you OP for posting not only a cautionary tale but also for helping any Nannies in the area to avoid the offenders! We've read bad nanny sightings that have included names before and i think we should be able to post bad family experiences as well without getting belittled by commenters. Op, you got out of the situation and did what you could to prevent annother person for experiencing the same thing and i applaude you for that!
Wow girl that is seriously messed up. First thing though normally people who make a lot of money don't have a lot of money. Meaning they usually over-indulge in unnecessary things and they have more expenses.
I think the dad became a narcissistic abuser. Google the term. Some men don't start out acting like this but certain things can trigger the abuse. Like having kids. If the abuser feels threatened (even by his own kids) they act out. The mom would be acting out and lashing out towards you because her husband treats her like shit and you happen to be there. She is going to vent her anger on to you. This is not healthy for anyone. The abuser sometimes doesn't even realize he is doing it. Seriously google the term. Women can have this problem as well. If you google that type of abuser and look-up the type of victim of the abuse and how the victim treats other people you will understand exactly what I mean regarding this post. I really think the mom was acting as a parrot for the dad. I think she was afraid to challenge him. And honestly the victims of this type of abuse do come off as abusive themselves in regards to other people. How would you feel if you were looked down upon everyday. OP you had to deal with the dad when you wored. That woman had to live with the guy.
I am very happy you quit. That was a toxic environment and you would never be able to do anything right. My friends husband was a Narc/abuser I remember she cleaned the house..spotless.. on her hands and knees scrubing and washing the walls. He came home, walked around the house (he was looking for something wrong) he couldn't find anything wrong so he made one up. He screamed and yelled at her for leaving her water cup (which she was drinking out of) on the kitchen counter. And I mean blew up at her. That was an 8 hour fight. Those kind of people can't be helped. My uncle dates a Narc/abuser in woman form. She was a psycho, calling his work telling his employees that he was a rapist. She would break into his car and she forbid him from seeing his mom. It was not healthy. He broke up with her 4 years ago and she is still stalking him. There mind isn't right mentally. Glad you got away
OP,
I hope this experience doesn't discourage you from seeking a new nanny job. Remember you loved caring for the babies, and there are families who appreciate their nannies and treat them well. Find a new family, and get a contract, in writing, that includes hours, salary, overtime, vacation, holidays, and duties.
I usually think a nanny should take the high road and give notice when quitting even if the job is awful. In your case however, with them owing you so much back pay, which they clearly never intended to pay you, I love that you left them high and dry!
Good luck on finding a new job with a nice family.
OP - do not listen to people calling you names like dumb/martyr etc - there are negative posters on this site ;0(
i really like the way you socked it to them at the end - my mom and i have that trait - we are slow to blow up against unfairness but when we blow up, it's effective
and there is nothing wrong with posting some personal info - this could help another nanny
you are very smart,patient and a good nanny - there is a good family out there for you
keep us posted
OP,
I also thank you for posting this story, because I think it is a good lesson for any new nanny: Maintain a professional distance/disconnect, and terminate employment as soon as the parents DO NOT PAY you for taking on additional responsibilities!
Because it is a JOB. And if you allow your employer to take advantage of you once, they will do it again and again.
I think everyone has a story like this (from all types of jobs), where they were unfairly taken advantage. Most people take that lesson and move on, making a conscious effort not to repeat it. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!"
OP, I hope you can acknowledge your role in all of this, and take away the lesson learned so that you don't find yourself here again in your next job. Because you can't change THEM, but you CAN change YOU.
Best to you in your future endeavors.
It is tacky to post anyone's personal info when it is uncalled for, parents' or nanny's. In some cases, it can be warranted, such as an abusive nanny, but then I think it should only be her initials and the city she lives in. In this case, I think posting one of the parents' initials and the city should have been plenty. If a nanny is looking for a job in that city and wants more info about these people, I'm sure they could email the OP and she'd be more than happy to complain about them.
For those of you standing up for the OP because she loved her charges so much, get over it. She stayed with this crazy family for MONTHS and put up with their bullshit. They took advantage of her because SHE LET THEM. There are way too many stories on here about nannies allowing families to treat them badly and I find it appalling. To the nanny who said she can't stand up for herself: well why the hell not? Do you really value your own happiness so little?
PS: I am not 40, nor am I a bully. But I do wear scrunchies. Shameful, I know, but I'm a bit of an 80s dork. :)
You stuck around longer than I would have, honey. That's just despicable. I'm so sorry there are employers (and even more sorry there are parents) like that out there. But don't worry. It sounds like you were wonderful at your job and willing to go above and beyond. Good for you for sticking up for yourself, and I'm sure you'll find another position (with way better pay) soon.
Miss Mannah you are indeed a bully you behavior on this blog is 99% abusive. I'm not suprised you don't see this bullies/abuses rarely see their behavior for what it is. They also usually attempt to justify their behavior by blaming the victim as you often do.
How many posts do you have where you've been abusive and when someone calls you out on it (if you bother to respond) you justify your behavior by blaming the poster for causing your wrath?
Op I'm glad you finally came to your senses and left. You now know better and will do better next time around. A lesson for yourself and other nannies or anyone really.
It's easy to sit up high on your horse and tell the OP off , but when you're in the midst of an abusive situation you don't always think clearly it is a whirlwind things happen so quickly you don't always realize they are happening. I've been there. Looking back I can't believe I tolerated it so long. But unless you've been therre you can't understand.
Miss mannah, your attitude towards people needs some serious reevaluation. . .
Just in case this gem by "Anonymous" gets deleted, I decided to repost:
"Omg who would come down on her for this situation and im sorry how many parents post PICTURES of "bad nannies" on these sites. Grow up."
DUDE! That's what this site was designed for, not for vindictive ex-nannies.
@me: If you feel my words are abusive, you seriously need to reevaluate your definition of the word.
@Bethany: I do know what it is like, I have been in abusive situations, however none where the person was PAYING me to be there. This is what my head cannot wrap around, how anyone can justify staying at a job with an abusive boss. What can possibly be the payoff? The paycheck?? Uh yeah, you can get that at any job.
I think what everyone just needs to realize is that Miss Mannah is right. She always is right. We'll always be wrong. We will never be as perfect as Miss Mannah is. She's smarter than everyone on this blog so we shouldn't even bother posting anymore because it doesn't matter what anyone but Miss Mannah has to say.
Miss Mannah leads a boring life...thus she needs to come on an internet blog and make trouble.
She loves the attention..it only feeds her to continue.
I say we all ignore her.
Starting right now!
MissMannah being a bully is insulting someone and trying to put them down bc you are trying to make yourself feel better. Maybe YOU need to reevaluate the word. Shame on you for being so nasty. It is people like you who have kids who try and ruin ours. Just because you were picked on doesn't make it OK for you to behave the way you do.
And for the love of jesus put away the scrunchies and high pony tail- you should be ashamed of plastering your face all over the internet with this kind of nasty behavior. It's so typical, people who were bullied and now hate their lives, bully others.
Traci I hear you.... but I hate bullies they deserve to be stomped on! Let her retaliate with stupidity and ignorance. It only makes her look more asinine that she pretends to not be.
This is one of my very few comments on this blog (I do like more to just read) but this time I really have to say a few words :D I do not always agree with MissMannah’s comments but she is completely right this time. And even if she is not I don’t think you should be attacking her like that. Everyone’s right is to have an opinion and you are bullying her because of her own. Some of the comments some of you made are very insulting and you should be ashamed.
Op, I am glad you quit your job. Good for you, and thanks for sharing your story. I have a question for you – was that your first nanny experience? Because if it was that would explain a few things.
My first nanny experience was for a very little money (minimum wage) but the family was wonderful. I left after 2 months anyway (as soon as I realized that I can do better). Also, there was the time in my life when I needed position so badly but I still refused a few offers because the pay was very low. My time is very precious to me. I respect myself and my hard work and I expect from family to respect me as well and to get my paycheck on time. I had once one family tried to pay me less then we agreed upon because ‘it’s only a trial period’. I worked full hours and did what she expected me to, just because Mom was there to direct me what to do doesn’t make any difference for me. I politely said that I don’t think we would be a good fit and that we should not be working together. That was already a bad start and I didn’t want to give it a second try. You got to respect yourself, your work and your time. I also love all my charges but that would never be a reason for me to stay and work for abusive or unprofessional family.
Anyway, I don’t mean to judge, everybody has different situation and I can’t imagine what made you stay with that family for so long. I would understand if that position was very convenient for you or if the family was great but that wasn’t the case.
Anyway, I really wish some nannies would have more self-respect.
I'm so sorry you put up with this, but you didn't have to. There were red flags from the beginning. I hope that you have more of a backbone now and that you'll never let someone else treat you like that again. You sound like a wonderful nanny, and I hope your next job is your dream job.
I don't really find the information that OP gave too personal. The parents full names were not posted, nor was the mothers work place, it was starred out. I believe it would be wrong if OP had listed birthdays, phone numbers and VIN numbers for their cars, but she didn't. It was just enough information for a future nanny to happen upon and think twice about taking this terrible job.
Now lets get real, the chance that the next nanny who WILL take this job, because there WILL most definitely be another nanny, WILL most likely NOT be a follower of this blog. There are only 162 members, it isn't like this blog is a requirement for all nannies to read. It would be pure Godly coincidence that OPs post would actually help future nanny.
Now,I don't think all the Mannah hate is nice, but I really don't agree with her calling OP "dumb". She wasn't dumb. We all have bills and schedules that need accommodation. This may very well be the only job in OPs area that worked for her in a pinch. I don't live in Ohio so I cannot know for sure of their nanny job market, but I do live in NY and jobs here are hard to come by.
Name calling is never cool, I see it as a conversational cop out. If nothing else,it is a sure fire way to stir up peoples emotions negatively. Just try to avoid it completely, and find other words to describe the action/person in a more descriptive manner using "real" words and sentences.
PS I love this blog, and I want to say without people like Phoenix and MissMannah and even occasionally UMASS commenting, I'm sure this blog would not be nearly as exciting to read :)
On phone, sorry for mistakes.
What is wrong with the way MissMannah speaks. She at least enougen balls to point out out the obvious.
I don't think she is a bully and if she does angry at you folkes is because you backed her into corner. She stands by her opinions adn that is honorale.
I will support MissMannah even if i don't agree with her opinions. I recognize the quality it takes to be strong and on the losing end, as I have been there countless times myself.
i have been on the not fun end of a mannah attack and i will stand up for her in this way - IMO,just my view - there is dr jekyl mannah and mr hyde mannah - when she does as the poster said - using reasonable words, no name calling she can be very very informative and analytically brilliant using very good writing skills, and putting in very good advice based on a great work ethic - but when mr hyde mannah comes out name calling etc - that's not fun or IMO helpful because that behavior from not only her but a couple of others causes people not to post
i have not been on the bad end of a phoenix attack yet LOL - hope it stays that way ;0)
I am a Nanny currently who works for a family where I am making less than what I should be. I am staying with this job because I need the cash to pay my rent, bills and buy food for my family. I feel stuck right now. I am also looking for something better, but in this sucky economy, it is taking quite a long time.
People shouldn't be so quick to point the finger at us unhappy Nannies and tell us we are stupid for putting up with stuff, etc. Some of us Nannies have no choice but to accept less than stellar positions since for some of us, if we didn't have our jobs, we would be living on the streets. I know I would without my job. I is my lifeline now.
@ RBTC
I think Mannah has admitted to being bipolar that could explain the variances in her posting behavior. Reminds me a ton of my family member. When this family member is properly managing her illness she is the best person in the worl, sweet, caring, smart and help. She is the total opposite when she is not managing her illness. Extremely verbally abusive it's a total night & day.
There is no point in saying OP was dumb to stay because she already knows that.
Even if she didn't that isn't the most effective way to get someone to see the reality of their situation.
so what does bi-polar have to do with how a person forms their opinions. Or even the way she delivers them. so are you going to use her bi-polar disorder as an exscuse for her? She is like that because she is bi-polar. That in itself is an insulting comment. Even if someone has a dr jekle mr hyde sorta deal you like the person for both sides. YOu can't choose with side you want. Accept them in all ways.
Yes it isn't very good to get on my bad side. Its not very pretty over there. My cousins pissed me off so much on day I was ranting and raving and hitting and punching and kicking. I haven't spoken to either of them in 11 years. And before, we went everywhere together. I mean everywhere. You couldn't separpate us. But they did something that was stupid and I kicked them out of my life. My good side is techinically my bad side and my bad side... not many people survive that.
I don't have a nanny and I'm not one either. I come on this site every week with a nice cup of coffee and entertain myself by reading comments. Almost every thread digresses into a cat fight. It's hilarious.
Beezus: I was under the impression that MPP starred out the parents' personal info and that OP had written their names and places of employment in her post. If I am mistaken, I apologize. Either way, I still find it inappropriate.
1234: I have never come straight out and said on here that I am bipolar, but I have danced around the topic several times. So thanks a mil for outing me and giving everyone who dislikes me more fuel for the fire, because there isn't enough of a stigma against bipolar patients already. And for the record, my illness is very well managed. None of you have any idea why I'm like when having a manic episode, believe me, I wouldn't be on here. I wouldn't have the patience to sit and type, for one thing.
I should also point out that I never actually called the OP dumb or any other names. Here is my exact quote: "hopefully she wouldn't be so dumb as to accept a 45-hour a week job for $250 anyway." Yes, I still stand by my statement that accepting that job in the first place was a dumb decision. You don't have to necessarily be a dumb person to do dumb things.
Miserable in PA: Your situation is totally different from the OP's because you are trying to change it. She stayed and just kept hoping it would get better when it obviously wouldn't. That is why I am "pointing the finger." I just can't force myself to feel sorry for people who put themselves in bad situations.
By the way, I just want to say thank you to RBTC for giving me one of the best compliments ever. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear someone say that. :)
Also, thanks to Cat and Phoenix for sticking up for me. :)
Too bad you got paid off the books. You could have sued them for your earned but missing wages.
It can impact how you express your opinions.
As RBTC explained the two MIss Mannahs very well.
When she's managing her illness she is capable of expressing her opinions in an appropriate pro social way.
When she's it's not we get the posts where she calls people dumb, stupids, uses foul language go back and take a look.
Just my thoughts on the matter. Reminds me very much of that family member. I can go back through eemails and texts and know if she was managing her illness just on her language and tone alone.
I agree with RBTC that the attacks ( bullying actually lets call a spade a spade) keep posters away.
I know MPP doesn't like to over moderate the boards, but I truly feel bullying be dealt wiith under a zero tolerance type of policy.
It's the same people who are guilty of the bullying behavior over and over again. You'd think they'd get the message by now.
There is a difference between having an opinion and expressing it bluntly and attacking/bullying a poster.
I think its fair to say that MPP doesn't care about bullying or abusive behavior on this blog. This topic and this same poster have been mentioned time & time again and nothing is done about. In fact MPP ecuses the behavior under the guise of not wanting to be an oppressive moderator.
If you want to get good nanny advice or even report bad nannies your best bet is to invest in a new blog.
If not you have to deal with the mean girls & their supporters.
1234, I am going to ask you to stop acting like a dime-store psychologist because it is bordering on offensive. I am not in your family, so you don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.
Katie, MPP does have a zero-tolerance policy about harassing the OPs of nanny sightings. Also, if you'll notice...several people have agreed with what I've said so evidently the consensus is pretty much that if you don't agree with my opinion, then I must be bullying.
I like the fact that MPP does not believe in censorship. This is what sets this blog apart from all the others. This blog is honest, relevant, real and entertaining. If it was censored, it would be pretty boring like all the other nanny blogs out there.
Mannah
Let's not pretend you don't understand the reasons people take issue with you.
You know very well it is not because you have differing opinions.
It is how you express those opinions. Several posters expressed that OP shouldn't have stayed or that she was wrong for posting her employers' info. You took that opinion and added to it by using an abusive manner.
You are not stupid don't play as you are. It's not a good look.
@ Amy Darling don't you see the problem in that?
You come here for the drama and the bullying.
The drama and the bullying is the focus of the blog.
MPP can claim other wise. She can make as many posts as she would like explaining the purpose of the blog & her censorship policy, but as they say the proof is in the pudding.
She wants a blog dedicated to showcasing negativity, abusive, and bullying behavior.
It's amazing that the same people who compalin about there being a lack of good posts, or having to wait so long for a new post are the same people who cause or encourage the infantile behavior that deters people from posting.
Mannah I don't know you, but from what you posted this is what I think of you and your situation based on my experience. Similar to the way judge various posters.
Stop what? Your behavior reminds me of my relative end of story.
You don't have to like it. You can be offended. The fact remains that you remind me of her.
It's my opinion and I can state it. While I'm at it is also my opinion that your behavior is also manipulative and abusive.
Other posters seem to agree with me so there is nothing wrong with me saying so or how I've chosen to express myself.
in jan of 2011 when i was royally trounced by mr hyde mannah and others for pretty much nothing except posting a positive nanny siting according to the rules of the blog MPP emailed me personally apologizing for the negativity that erupts on the blog, so no, she does not condone it, she probably just wishes the people on here would be reasonable and civil with each other without censorship
and miss mannah - i disagree that you can use pejorative terms like dumb stupid bad etc and then couch the word in prepositions/modifiers where it does not mean what it means
if YOU were any of those words then i would understand the negative attacks- but like i said - i greatly like the jekyl side where your advice is well written, informative and greatly needed - i know you can be that way and are that way so that is why it makes me sad when you tear an OP down - i speak from experience on this
@Miss Mannah:
Your words have gotten out of hand and you are nothing but a cyber bully of sorts.
I know you do it to draw attention, but it is not cute.
Personally,I think sometimes we jump down the OP's throat because we have been in a similar situation. I don't think we mean to attack the OP. We read their post about being abused or taken advantage of and we picture ourselves in a situation in the past that they are experiencing.
Thats how I feel. When I read OPs story part of it reminded me of myself. In a job where they weren't so nice to me. I would get in a verbal argument with the father but I would go back. After five months I walked out.
So maybe Ms. M has been in a similar situation. It hits close to home and we react harsh with the OP because we have been there. We want them to leave. The anger isn't toward the OP its more toward their employer and we want the OP to high tale out of there!
Wow. step away for a weekend and....
here's my two cents: I don't think Miss Mannah is a bully. She brought up an excellent point and if all of you who are calling her names would stop for a second to take your heads out of your asses, you would see that.
It is just plain foolish to post personal information about people on the internet. Anyone who argues that point is wrong, in my opinion.
Baxter is an annoying jerk that needs to be deleted.
Why does Phoenix add in personal irrelevent details about her life to every comment she posts? Girl I don't give a rats behind that you haven't spoke to your cousins in 11 years...and I'm pretty sure no one else on this blog cares either! Well, except for Miss Mannah.
ericsmom,
Done.
Some people reading stories like this may also have been slandered on the internet, which is not a good feeling. The bottom line is that there are two sides to every story. And people lie. You can take OPs story at face value, but you don't have to. some of us might choose to take it with a grain of salt.
I'm the one that posted this employer horror story. First let me say that financially if I had the option to leave I probably would have done so a long time ago, but $1,000 a month, while ridiculously low pay, is still $1,000 more than I would have with no job. Luckily, I have gotten a new job that enabled me to up and leave. Secondly, I feel I had absolutely every right to post their info, and if they want to dispute it I WELCOME it, because I have the emails she sent me where she admits to everything, but says it was "warranted". Thirdly, to the one poster their post was actually removed from www.care.com because I reported what happened. and lastly,I want to say that yes I have decided I don't want to nanny anymore. This was my 4th family and 2 of the 4 treated me like crap, and I've had enough. So I now am working as a real estate agent's assistant, and am going for my real estate license. I am done with childcare, but I still have high respect for those who stick with it.
Delighted that things worked out for you! You deserve respect and kindness!
Thank you for the kind words :)
glad you kicked ass OP in spite of the name callers and nay-sayers - keep it up - we will all take a lesson!
you add in personal irrelevant information because it s a tool for an association with the subject. It is called empathy you baffoon. Like i'm talking to a bunch of monkeys
and too. people really need to grow up. if you get called stupid. Stop acting stupid. if i were to take to heart all the mean comments said to me, i would be a basket case. There are times that I am stupid and there are times that I am dumb or insensetive or arrogant. But if someone calls me out on it I'm not going to cry about it. Everyone take away the personal attacks. If people would tell others they were dumb more often maybe people would stop doing dumb things.
Grow a pair
eeep! i am getting ready to take on phoenix - yipes!
about using degrading words -- look where you are ! ;0) you are not on a site celebrating the don rickles bashing hour - or who is that lady on tv? Lisa lampenelli! LOL
or some kind of rugged ssports/activities or even something boring like widget making--
you are on a child activist site
are you old enough to remember how people reacted to the oprah winfrey shows and phil donahue in the eighties and early nineties when people would come out and tell about negative ways in which some aspects of corporeal punishment and verbal punishment - ie "you are domb, supid, bad,etc" have affected them
there is a pretty strong consensus, i am assuming backed up by professionals, that those words - tearing a person down should not be used most particularly with children.
i think you said you are not a nanny so i can understand you using those words
but when i see any of the nannies using those tear-down words it gives me a start and makes me hope that maybe they are just venting on an internet site and do not use those type of terms with their charges
finally, it makes me feel bad to say it but my dad REALLY used those terms on a daily basis probably because they were used with him and i can tell you - if you can pull yourself up to a better level - by all means do it.
Phoenix you're not even a nanny nor do you employ one. Why are you here acting like you know more than everyone. Go away.
lol I am getting entertainment from this back and forth. I can tell from all the posts Phoenix is off her rocker, so what she says doesn't really bother me. thanks for sticking up for me ladies, but remember, you can't rationalize with an irrational mind!
phoenix is an acquired taste - like beer - you have to learn to like it.
also you can compare her to an amoeba or a fungus - she can grow on you if you let her
**wait ! wait! phoenix i was just kidding ! *****
POW BANG Squeeeeeel*** BASH!!!!!!!!!.....splat!!! OUCH!
....slowly....RBTC rises from the ashes... like a..never mind...
actually if anyone reads what I write and at least gets a taste of an "alternative" view than I have done my job. I am not right for everyone and I in person I am even worse. I once chased a guy in my car for cutting me off. I don't like rude people. Like I've said before you don't have to read what I write but i will keep doing it. Just because my opinion isn't popular there are a few people who can agree to a point with me. I'm not afraid of voicing an opposing opinion if I feel that I have one. Being brave is a far better quality than being quiet and letting people walk all over you. I do think nanny's have that fault to a point because as a nanny you are caring and compassionate about people. And they do love to make others happy and they do love the kids they work for. I don't typically like anyone. So if I give my side of the argument it may help someone along the way.
I'm not going anywhere so save your posts talking about it.
Phoenix, I guess I just don't understand why you are on this blog in the first place...you're not a nanny and you don't HAVE a nanny...so what the fuck? I guess I just don't get it. Stick to things you know. Why should us nannies take advice for something who has..well..never fucking been a nanny?
from someone* not for something
hmmmm... maybe because as a nanny you should be open to understanding what outside people think of your job. You do live in a society of other poeple, I hope you are aware of that. And I know plenty of nannies. I honestly don't have to prove why I like to come here. I have been coming here for years. Many many years. like I said if you don't want to take my advice, don't. If you don't want to read what I write don't. I'm not sitting next to you making you listen to me. I could care less if you like my company or not. If I lived my life based on people wanting my presence I would never go anywhere. I happen to like giving people other things to think about. No one ever has the balls to say the things I do, even if they are thinking them. A difference in opinion is how you learn. Think about things before you speak
Im waiting for Phoenix to tie this into yet another pointless story about her cousins. I'll hang around a minute longer because by now i know it's coming.
Lyn,
um ok. most of the people on here have the same level of intelligence as my cousins. And that isn't saying much...
did I help your withdrawls any?
LMAO. For people that don't like me very much you seem to hold a certain infatuation with me. Is it like a drug? you just can't seem to get enough? Very odd. When i don't like someone they cease to exist in my mind. It is not so for some of you. LOL. I don't understand it. But if you like I will feed into your curiosity. Attention gives a person power. Whether its good or bad attention. The more you think about someone, the stronger they get and that holds true for all creatures. i don't mind negativity. I've dealt with it my entire life and if I can make someone's day all that more unpleasant I will do so.
I have really cleaned up my posts. I honestly do not reflect my entire persona here as it would be too much for most of you. I can either be your best friend or your worst. There are some people here that probably really don't like me but i have changed my view about them. Oddly enough, even though Umass doesn't enjoy my company or my opinions I actually do like her. And I will back her in whatever she says. Even if she doesn't agree with me. i respect strength and I respect people who stand by the opinions. The same with MissMannah. There are a few others too but the point is. It isn't that difficult to accept someone for who they are. It is easier to hate than it is to love and it is quite disturbing to me that so many people in childcare can be so heartless. You do act like a bunch of high school girls who sit and giggle and chirp in the corner. outsiders aren't welcome because they are different. Take the opportunity to expand your horizons and learn something for a change. I learn countless new things everyday and I am greatful for that. I'm sorry you can't do the same
What say you now?
MissMania,
I don't know how MissMannah can hurt anyone. Does she have magical powers that enable her to climb throught the computer and harm people? if that were possible, trust me, I would have figured out how to do it. I don't believe that she deserves to be called "the c-word" which is one word that I would never call another woman as it is a vile one. If you use language i don't desire than miss that makes you worse than me and I am on the same level as the devil. You need to mind your manners. MissMannah did not call the OP dumb. She stated her actions could be dumb which is completely different. Intelligent people have done dumb things in their life.
And as far as trying to insult someone on a medical disorder such as bipolar disorder is about as low as making fun of someone with cancer. I don't think you would do that, would you? Being over the internet I understand that you lose the personal factor of a face to face conversation. I highly doubt you would say those things to anyone in person. Which makes you a coward. I will say that to someone in person. I have done it and I don't think you have the balls to do it. Karma works against those to hate and discriminate. if in fact you think of yourself as a worthy human you have shown otherwise. You owe MissMannah an apology. I really hope that one day you don't get any form of disease where people feel they can poke fun at you. You have lowered youself to a sub-human standard and I feel sorry for you.
Everyone seriously needs to stop being so mean to eachother. MissMannah did nothing to provoke any of the other posters here. If you have a different way of interpreting what she said and you twisted it into something evil that is your problem not hers.
Grow up
Wow. Seriously? Reading the above post makes me never want to flame someone again. It looks lame. I would be embarrassed to have posted that.
not you Phoenix, that was for the one before you.
P, you have been makiing fun of people with Autism in another thread. . . Takke your own advice and stop being a dick. Nuff' said.
Lyn,
It is really sad how uneducated some people here are on the subject of autism. And not just uneducated, but also not compassionate or sensitive.
A lot of people have said, "Stop being so sensitive." But to me, that doesn't make sense because we are talking about our children. Of course we are sensitive about our children and a disability that effects them!
Thanks for your posts, which are compassionate and educated. :0
Lyn,
how did I make fun of people with autism? I said some people who are diagnosed with it probably don't have it. I fail to see how that is insulting.
Perhaps you should read it again
Phoenix, saying that there are people "with real autism and people with pretend autism". . . Canndy coat it how you like but having 3 adopted autistic siblings i know what your words meant. And they have no purpose other than to be hurtful to those who are different than yourself.
Please forgive my many spelling errors. They make smartphones so handy but my thumbs are just a smidge too fat for them, haha.
MissMania,
also for the record I have NEVER dyed my hair and I NEVER will. And i don't know why anyone would advise someone to "cut" themselves.
What new horror of a person are you? I have never encountered someone with so much contempt. I am a very good judge of energy as that is part of my mission in life and you have such a dark quality about you. That is not an insult. It is a truth that is quite interesting. I have met all types of energy in my life. Yours is very vengeful, I think is the right word. I'm sorry that you are that way. Lyn is more vanilla and she isn't dark at heart. She is happy in her life. And she does have anger towards people she doesn't have the ability to actually full out "hate" You are another story though.
having "real" autism and "pretend" autism is not insulting. I know many children with full blown autism. I am not talking about those children. I am talking about the small majority of kids who are diagnosed with autism who don't have it. in my opinion those kids who are misdiagnosed are in fact an insult to kids who actually need help and they are insulting to parents who deal with children who actually have autism. A parent with a child you exhibits minor social annoyances and they use that as a crutch for their childs behavior do not know what it is like for a parent who struggles with a child who has real issues. That is what I was getting at. It was not a personal insult to me but I am talking about a parent who struggles everyday with their autistic child and then they have parents who come up to them and try to empathize with them and say they know what they are going through when in fact they don't. They want to be in the same catagory as the parent who is struggling everyday with a child you acutally needs help when they have a child who is misdiagnosed just because it is taking them longer to count or make friends.
That is my issue. I am not insulting any child that has autism. i am insulting the parents who have children with slight developmental delays and they feel that they can be in the same catagory and try to get pity from other parents because they feel they have an autistic child when they do not. that is like someone who is only 10 pounds over weight trying to be on the same level as someone who is 100 pounds over weight and they think they have the same struggles. They don't. That is my point
As I said in the other post it is a fact that not every child diagnosed with autism truly has autism. Yes I do realize it is a spectrum disorder and therefore can present in many ways The fact remains true that it is indeed often misdiagnosed.
A misdiagnosis serves no one well. It takes services away from a child who truly needs them , and it prevents the misdiagnosed child from receiving the type of help they actually need.
Why can't some of you admit that this occurs?
Surely you are educated( as you like to say) enough to realize this is the case and are enlightened enough to think out side of your box.
Perhaps it's something else? perhaps you are afraid that your loved one is one of the misdiagnosed and you'll no longer get to wear the badge of matyr.
Having "real" and "pretend" autism. That is quite an offensive expression. lol I mean, come on. It really is. lol
It just is. And if you want to say, "Well I'm politically incorrect! Yay me! People are misdiagnosed with autism all the freaking time!" Good for you.
but the phrase that Lyn is referring to is offensive to those of us who have autistic family members. It just is.
or to put it in simpiler terms.
if a parent trys to associate their child having a bad flu to a child who is dying of cancer it is insulting to the parent who has a terminally ill child. There is no way in hell that I would know how it feels for a parent to have a child who will die.
when my step-son was kidnapped for 4 years by his biological mother and taken to Mexico my husband had NO CLUE where is kid was. He didn't know if he was ok and he couldn't even talk to him on the phone he had to deal with people who would say "I know how it feels." They fucking don't know that feels. If someone doesn't have the same level of pain or they haven't been through it they don't know how it feels.
So I guess I didn't make it clear. I am sticking up for the people who have severe real life problems with children who have severe full blown autism. It is seriously insulting for a parent with a "high-functioning" autistic child who you can't even tell has any form of autism can relate to a mother of a child who has real problems. That is not fair and it is very insulting.
I guess the way I posted it didn't really clarify my intent
Phoenix,
High functioning autism is autism. I can relate very well to other mothers with children on other parts of the spectrum.
Really this is getting to be a bit much! lol I think I may be done with this topic. :)
A child's only real advocates are their parents. And in the case of autistic children (both "real" and "pretend") their advocates are dealing with communicating to the uneducated masses the specifics of their small corner of the entire spectrum that is autism. Basically, all parents of autistic children will get "sensitive" when people question the validity and seriousness of their children's disease because their child (often times) cannot and shouldn't have to defend themselves. Autism is an entire spectrum. It isn't one hard and fast "kind" of disease.
Also, "vanilla"? do explain please. I'm confused, haha.
Also, by your "standards" all 3 of my siblings have "full blown" autism. Ya know, the "real" kind. And I DO believe that people are misdiagnosed with autism sometimes. I agree that it is a sad situation for all involved when that happens and in later years the child is magically "healed" from autism. It's sad absolutely. But the spectrum is so large I imagine it would be easy to do. Just because a child is high functioning though, doesn't mean they have a "pretend" disease. :) I think that's all I have on the matter!
that is my issue. I don't think kids with "high functioning" autism have autism to begin with. i'm talking about those cases where they are misdiagnosed. I know people where this has happened at it not fair to the kids that really need help. That is what I'm getting at. i also don't like psycho parents who make it the reason their child acts a fool.
Vanilla i guess I would describe it as pure
This quote, from Phoenix:
"I don't think kids with "high functioning" autism have autism to begin with."
That's it for me.
Good night!
girl you got a couple screws loose. I wont engage you in any more conversation. it isn't good for you.
@JesusChristSuperStar:
My hand is raised.
Hahaha! Ive often wondered the very same thought Jesus!
MPP has already verified that MissMannah and I are not the same person. We also have different writing styles and she doesn't agree with everything that I say.
Some people on here are adults are up for a good debate and they can do it with class. Others have to insult intelligent people because they dont have intelligent responses to an argument. It is what it is. i find some people on here to be incredibly bright and open for discussion while others are set in the ways of being ignorant. Either way i always learn something and I always take away from every experience and i enjoy every post that gets published. I do offer my opinion to the OP and some like my advice while other don't. Fact is this board is designed to help people with problems or to report negligent nannies. It is not an avenue for people to insult others for having certain disabilities nor is it an avenue to take your anger out because you are frustrated inside. Mocking people for their opinion shows stupidity and it confirms my outlook on humanity. i am very disappointed how some people conduct themselves on here.
Posters such as myself will defend our ground when we are insulted for having a different opinion. I am not sure why most people want everyone to agree on everything. That is discussion communisim in my opinion and it is very boring to say the least.
Like I said before. If people don't like me or other posters why do you waste your time attacking us? It is an odd infatuation that I don't understand. But it is your life not mine. If you want to spend your time thinking about me and my opinions i can't stop you but it is sad if you do that. Puts me in a place of power that you don't want me to be (according to your "ideals"
so either have an adult debate with me or shut the fuck up.
Are you done Phoenix? Anything else you'd like to add?
Phoenix:
I don't give random advice to my doctor, lawyer, gardner, hairdresser, cashier at the grocery store, waitress, etc., because I have never been employed as any of those things; therefore it is not my place to do so. Seeing as to how you continue to shell out advice (and insults) to theses nannies and you've never actually BEEN a nanny, I think we should both stick to what we know. You come on this blog and write...and write...and write as though you think everyone here is sitting on the edge of their seats to get advice from you. The fact that you feel so important and entitled on a blog that doesn't even pertain to you is troubling. I think you come here to fill a void, and you think that rambling on and on about your own train wreck of a life is going to somehow inspire others in some way. I just don't get it. You can argue that we just don't have to read your posts-which is so very true but I just wonder if it is ever going to sink into your skull that people do not have an infatuation with you...you have a sick infatuation with this blog and pretending like you belong here. I think you need some help.
i am going to go back to an issue that is important to me: 2 posters on here have tried to say you can apply name calling words to a child or adult or any person and not really mean it
ie using the word "dumb" does not mean you are calling them dumb
"stupid" does not mean you are calling them stupid
using semantics to say you did not really say what you said is being a weenie and the 2 posters who did it are not weenies
so - i do not buy it
RBTC
huh? it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the difference between those statements.
you DO mean it.
if I tell someone they are acting dumb that is a verb.
If I tell someone they are dumb that is an adjective.
The verb tense is not insulting unless you think its the adjective
I'm not sure what is confusing here
SouthernBelle
If you don't want my advice. Don't read what I post. Fair enough.
The way I choose to broaden my horizons is my business and mine alone. I have made a very good friend here just because I came to this blog. I never would have met her otherwise.
Or maybe I am a crazy person sent here to give you intelligent alternative opinions and make you think about things that you otherwise wouldn't know. I also have a very bad argument glitch.
I am the kind of person that would hire a nanny. If I had my own kids I would for sure get a nanny. hmmm... come to think of it. When I first came here I was actually pregnant. I may have been doing research and stumbled upon this site and never left. I never really thought that far into it.
See. you made me think of other things. that is how the world works. if you can't deal with it online and I am not really that bad, honestly. How can you deal in the real world? You'd be eatin alive in Phoenix
and just because you haven't taken my advice doesn't mean that other people haven't. the infatuation comment was my way of saying that people spend a whole heck of a lot of time and wasted energy on trying to attack me. If you don't like me then don't engage me. My feelings don't get hurt if people don't talk to me. I don't care. The best way to make me shut up. (read closely this is helpful to you) the best way to get me to shut up is to not reply to me. Just leave it alone. I will say what I have to say then move on. The only reason I get into wars with people is because I will defend myself if I am insulted or if someone is unfairly insulting someone else for their opinions. Don't engage me and I won't post. Simplicity at its best.
If you reply to this comment after I already told you how to make me stop posting. Then I'm sorry. You are adjective dumb
LMFAO! Brilliant post, Phoenix!
phoenix - all the rigamarole about verbs etc proves my point LOL
saying that you can use the words " dumb,stupid, bad" to a child/ other individual and it's ok as long as you apply the words as the conjunction function of the present participle of the adjunct modifier of the universal hermaneutical---whew! i bow to an english major LOL
but - while adhering to the letter ( literally ) of the law you are breaking the spirit of the law ( literally) by coming up with semantic reasons why using the word dumb does not mean you are calling the recipient dumb
and here is my point which you have proven--
posters as educated and articulate and thought provoking as let's say you and Miss Mannah - using any kind of pejorative 4/5 letter words is not acceptable to me
you are better than that and i will hold you to a higher standard!!!
That made my head hurt. Haha.
I guess I'm one of those 1% ers. I don't really give a damn about the "letter of the law"
I choose to live outside the law. Life is too short to try to make others happy and it would be one boring place if I did what was expected of me. LOL.
Who would you have to argue with then? Eachother? Yeah that is a beneficial argument. (sarcasm included)
i don't know about everyone else but i certainly think phoenix derves the last word !!
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