Saturday

Nanny Job From Hell... No, But Really!

nanny horror story I have been a nanny since I started college. After four WONDERFUL years with a family that I adored, and had practically raised the infant and two year old until just before their 4th and 6th birthdays - the mom decided she wanted to be a stay at home mother and since I was graduating, it made sense. I was assured we'd always be "family" and to this day stay in touch with her and my boys. :) So, leaving a wonderful situation like that one I was eager to move to a new city post graduation and continue nannying (great money, and I love kids). Chicago was my target location, and upon visiting friends I ended up finding a DREAM position with a very wealthy family, heirs to part of the White Sox enterprise. I was told my job would be to look after their one son, who had just turned 2 years old at the time. Seemed easy enough.

I moved in only a few weeks later. I had my entire own living space - in a beautiful luxurious home just outside of downtown. At the start of it, I knew there had been a nanny before me who had left when she became pregnant with her own, and then a girl right before me, who had 'quit' via text message because, as I was told, she didn't have any friends and was miserable in the city. Okay, so some people aren't cut out to live with another family in a strange place....fair enough. I was going to be GREAT at this.

The money was good enough, especially since I was living rent/utility/grocery free in downtown Chicago. My gas, and all activities were paid for and the mom frequently treated me to pedicures, dinners, shopping...I was living the life.

The little boy, was a total nightmare however. He started out just being a normal "2 year old"...but as the hitting, scratching and biting continued I realized it was a cry for attention. Not only did these people not want to be parents, they didn't know how to be. There aren't words to describe how annoying it was to be in the room with a child who would do anything to get what he wanted - scream, hit, bite, kick, throw things, break things...anything. He was a terror. I attributed it to the lack of parenting and loved him anyway - spent extra time, went out of my way to give him all the attention I could.

I was scheduled to work M-F 7:30-5:30, good enough, and one weekend night a month. ONE weekend night a month. Re-read that for that latter part of this paragraph. Then the sleeping nightmares came, as he refused to sleep in his bed, and would constantly get up and down - and would not go back to sleep for either parent. The only way he would stay in his bed and sleep is if I went in there and put him back and tucked him back in. This went on every night for months. We put an alarm on his bedroom door so if he opened it we'd all hear it...(it was dangerous for him to walk around upstairs unheard, and the house was hardly child proofed). So, midnight, 2 am, 4 am, 6 am....the alarm, every night - and I knew, if I didn't get up and put him back that NONE of us would get any sleep ever. The mother would do what I told her - put him back, don't look at him, just put him back every time. It didn't work, it never worked, no matter how hard we tried - so I, in hopes of getting ANY sleep had to play supernanny and do it myself. Mind you, after a couple of months, I was EXPECTED to do this. I got text messages at 2 am from upstairs "...he's up please take care of it." REALLY? Thats your child that you've ruined, you get up. I did it as a favor initially because I knew that the mother was really doing all the work herself - as the dad wanted nothing to do with this little boy -- a high up corporate exec who could give a shit less about having a child. So, she and I had formed a bond, and basically were raising this child together.

Then the early morning hours started. He would wake up for the day at 4 am, and she would let him -without any regard for me, come downtsairs and play outside my room in the hall, or IN my room if he pleased - waking me up 3 hours before I needed to be up. There were days I just made him go back to sleep in my bed - because I couldn't function at 4 am...

I just felt disrespected. Plain and simple.

I was expected to take him places, and do things - fair enough, I loved it. We did museum trips, and zoo trips, to the library, play groups, tumbling, out to lunch, to parks, etc....there were even the few Saturdays where I offered to take him for the mornings in hopes the mom would get a few hours of sleep and could relax a little bit. I told her "I'll get him up and take him out, we'll be home by 10 for you!" But no. I'd get a text at 9:30, "Why dont you take him to the zoo for the afternoon. Thanks!!!"

Excuse me? my day off? No no no...
NO RESPECT and I never got paid extra.

The final straw for me came about 8 months into the job....my dad had planned to come in and visit me... he gave me 5 weeks notice that he would be there for a couple days. I came upstairs one morning and said to her "Hey, in January my dad will be here for a weekend, I'm so excited" and her response was "You weren't going to ask me??? What if we wanted to go on a date that weekend?"

I was blown away. "A date? Do you have a scheduled plan I didn't know about?"

No of course she didn't. She just WANTED me to be available in CASE she did. Thats crap. I was defensive at this point - and in utter disbelief that anyone could expect a grown 23 year old to ask permission for her father to visit her during NON WORK hours.

So I quit. I up and just quit one day. I gave more than 2 weeks notice, 3 to be exact and offered to help them find someone before I left. Come to find out later she had been snooping through my drawers, purses, emails, facebook for months. Awesome.

Worst job ever, I still think about it, the emotional stress and frustration still lingers. OH, the best part is I found out later they had had 6 nannies in 2 years before me - but of course didn't let me know. In the year that I've been gone, they have had 4 more. Hows that.....good lord. Thank GOD I am out of there! Beware of people, you NEVER know....

15 comments:

bluebell said...

This rang a bell with me, because it reminded me of the nightmare month I lasted working as a live-in nanny for one of the members of a fairly well-known 80's rock band. The fact that their four year old son leaned over the stair railing and spat on my head the evening I moved in should have tipped me off, but I was foolishly optimistic enough to imagine that things would get better from there. No such luck! The schedule we had agreed on ahead of time went straight out of the window...I was expected to pick up their dog's mess from their back yard...the husband left porn magazines lying all over the house...I was expected to take the children out every morning, rain or shine, because mommy and daddy would invariably be hungover from the previous night's partying...and the fact that their kids were easily the worst little hellions I have ever worked with in my LIFE was simply the icing on the cake. In the end, I waited until the family had gone away for the weekend before packing my things and going to stay with a friend until I found a new job - and it was only at this point that the agency who'd placed me in this job confessed that I was the fourth nanny this family had gone through in *five months*!! (which is why I no longer seek employment through agencies, but that's another story) Hope you have found a much better job now!

Nannycaroline said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was a live-in for a family a few years ago that had had 8 nannies in 5 years before me. The one right before me had gotten pregnant and left. It was a very stressful job (the middle kid was a handful and they were Orthodox Jewish) and they finally let me go after two summer months because they wanted someone could could drive the kids to school in the fall (I was working on getting my license) and they gave me NO notice. I was playing with the baby downstairs and the dad told me that they didn't need me anymore and to pack up and leave (it was a Friday) and he couldn't give me a ride home because he had to watch the kids. I have never had another live-in job, and I am very wary of people who have had a lot of nannies in a short time.

BearFanMissDee said...

You mentioned that this family resided in Chicago. I am planning to move there after I graduate, and this type of family makes me nervous about finding work down there. This is exactly the kind of family I will not work for, no matter how attractive the pay and benefits.

OP, can you give me an idea of what the nanny market is like in Chicago? Any agencies you would recommend?

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Thanks for sharing your story with us OP. It was very interesting to read and I sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately in the nanny profession, the way this family treated you is very common. Many (not all!!) families think their nannies lives revolve around them all the time. Many of these families are so self absorbed they can't think straight to raise a well-mannered and decent child. I am glad you got out of there and are rid of this crazy family. I think it was very nice of you to give a notice before you left. I strongly advise nannies not to give notice to a family before they leave..I advise them to quit on the spot. Why? Look what this family did to you..they snooped through your stuff. This is what families do when a nanny gives notice..they use the few weeks they still have her to do things that are very unethical. Your family snooped through your stuff...other families do other mean things.
Nannies as soon as you find out your family is crazy, RUN do not walk away ASAP.

Bostonnanny said...

This was fun to read.

christine said...

I'm not a nanny, I'm an owner of a small business and I clean people's homes. Same sort of situation, as I'm in my client's home and I do their "bidding". I had one client who couldn't resist leaving me a note every time I came. Nitpicky kind of stuff- do this do that- even though I clearly did a good job, she felt like she needed to "remind" me of things. It was annoying but I put up with it for awhile- 5 months. Last week, after another very condesending note that I read upon my arrival, I left her a note, explaining that she was obviously not happy and never would be and that we were parting ways. Within an hour or so, she began sending me nasty text messages. MANY text messages and one of them said I should have given notice. Are you kidding me? Get out as soon as you know it's gone south! This girl was a lunatic and I had to threaten to call the police if she continued to send me threatening text messages to make her stop bothering me. You can't cure crazy!!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Christine: A perfect example of why I believe one should depart immediately once you know things are not going to work out. With other jobs such as cashiering, office, etc...if you are unhappy you can give notice and expect to keep working in a normal environment. However when you work in someone's home, caring for someone's family member...people get irate when you give notice. It is a whole different dynamic.
I have left many families (close to twenty altogether!!) once I knew things were going South. All the families were angry at me for leaving. They said I was being extremely unprofessional and that I was leaving them "high and dry" w/out anyone to watch their children so they could go to work. But you know what? All they had to do was treat me with the respect that I deserved. Period. It's not rocket science. But instead they chose to use me and treat me like a servant. So it's their own darn fault they are stuck in a bind and can't go to work. Life is tough.

Bostonnanny said...

Who the hell is using my moniker, please change your name!

christine said...

Yes, working in someone's home makes the job "personal" and people take it badly if you leave suddenly. While I sure wasn't good enough, as per her notes, I was better than nothing when she found out her house was left dirty. Respect is the bottom line... treat people the way you want to be treated and you will have good relationships. Treat people badly, ask more of them and don't pay for it and you are likely to be left without a nanny or housecleaner. Why don't people get this?

Kloe K. said...

True words Christine. Especially what you said at the end. If people do not treat their "hired help" like they should, then they will wake up one day and be stranded either with a messy house and/or no childcare. They don't get it because they are selfish. Even when the nanny or maid leaves, they still do not get it completely. They simply hire another one and then treat them the same.
More people need to stand up for themselves in these types of jobs. This will enable us domestic workers to gain the respect that we so rightfully deserve!!!

Debra said...

What Kloe just said.

MissMannah said...

"More people need to stand up for themselves in these types of jobs."

I'll second that, Kloe, and I just want to add that they need to stand up for themselves from the very beginning. Too many times we see people just like the OP who let their bosses walk over them in the beginning until it just gets to be too much and they're miserable. Don't let the parents guilt-trip you into doing them "favors," especially unpaid ones!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Amen Miss Mannah.
I agree that it should start at the beginning. But sometimes us nannies get blindsided and by the time we realize we are being duped, a lot of time has passed. Perhaps we are just in denial that such a "lovely" family would treat their nanny like dirt. The one person who loves, cares for and cherished their most precious possession all day while they have to work to support them!~

MissMannah said...

I understand getting blindsided, especially if you're a newbie-nanny. I had it happen a few years ago. Little chores just kept piling up on me, and MB was more than complimentary when I "helped" her. "Oh sweetheart, you are such a lifesaver! What would I do without you??" Uh, you'd wash your own damn dishes? That job only ended up lasting 2 months.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

MissMannah. Been there, done that. I couldn't help chuckling as I read what you wrote. The same thing happened to me too!!!!~