Nanny: Caribbean, about 5 feet tall, round, wearing a long black dress and a beige-ish jacket.
Child: cute little girl, maybe 4 or 5, I think she had dirty blondish hair, she was wearing a skirt and her white tights were ripped, named Chloe
Location: outside of a school on Columbus and 83rd-ish
When: Friday afternoon around 3ish
Incident: I saw the nanny shove the child forward as they were crossing the street. It seemed like the little girl was upset over something (maybe she fell?) She was moping and looking down. When I got closer to them, I heard the nanny yell at her, "Stop complaining Chloe!" The nanny noticed me looking at her, and then put her arm around her as they crossed the next street. I know this isn't outright abuse or anything, but isn't the way to cross the street with a child by holding her hand and not pushing her? Especially since this was right outside the school, in front of other parents, kids and nannies. What does she do to the child when they are alone?
25 comments:
Just to get a better idea... was the nanny's hands full? Sometimes, if my hands are full of groceries, packages, other kids I will scoot my charge along with my foot and leg in oder to guide them.... not attacking posting, just curious?
I have had to shove my charges when we are crossing a busy street and they are pre-occupied. The little girl was probably distracted with her leg and her torn tights.
Once they crossed there would be plenty of time for comforting, and assessing the injury.
I don't think she meant in a mean way.
Well, I guess I read it differently. I don't really see any excuse to "shove" a child who is 4 or 5. I will not even be near a busy street with a child under 10 if I am not holding their hand. I guess I am just overprotective. Maybe because my child has autism and there is no way she can be trusted to cross safely.
I did not see what happened, but a "shove" is a "shove" in my book. Not necessary.
I agree with MM. It sounds like the nanny in question was being a little too rough which is not ok, especially when caring for other people's children. It's also a little weird that when she realized OP was watching, she put her arm around the child. She should have had her arm around the child as they were crossing the first street. Or at least held her hand. Things can happen very quickly and if the nanny was "shoving" the little girl, she could have tripped in the street and something very serious could have happened. I hope the parents see this.
I also agree that "shoving" is never necessary. If Chloe was giving me a hard time and not wanting to cross the street properly, I would pick her up and carry her. She could have gotten really hurt in the middle of the street. I get a sick feeling when I read about these mean nannies.
Confession time: I have never "shoved" my charges across the street but I have "yanked" them. This would occur in a situation where one of them may have "broken loose" and I have to grab onto them to catch them, or in a situation where one is being extra pokey and we are just barely making the light. Or when there is a bicycle breaking traffic laws and I have to move them out of the way. In other words, in certain circumstances I just have to keep them safe, even if it's a little bit rougher than I would ideally be with them. I really don't know about the "shoving" though. I guess I would need to see it to know what exactly OP means.
I'm surprised so many seem to be okay with a "shove." I would never ever shove a charge...ever! Especially in a street. When I think "shove" I think of a bully shoving someone. Nudging a child, that is okay, even giving them a little tug or something when it is absolutely necessary, but NEVER shoving!
ps. The nanny obviously didn't have her hands full if, after seeing OP, she was able to put her arm around the child.
I don't know maybe it was an impulse to get the little girl outta the street. Sometimes when we are scared we handle things too suddenly and roughly. I remember once while crossing the street with my step-son he was walking beside me and the next second he was gone from my side. I looked back and he was tying his shoe! Even though there were no cars directly near us I bolted picked him up by his arm and ran him to the side of the road. It would have looked horrible to the third party especially if they saw the shock on his face. I wasn't trying to be mean, I felt awful afterward but it was a sudden response to get him out of harms way. Then we had to have a conversation about when and where to tie our shoes. Scarred me to death
Phoenix-I think you are missing the point. The nanny should have been holding the little girl's hand from the beginning before they even attempted to cross the street. This is a child she was being paid to care for. She should have had a better hold on her especially in a city with as much street traffic as NYC. There is no reason whatsoever that the nanny should have shoved her charge. Sorry.
Wow Anon 9:34. All I can say is wow.
Anonymous said...
Wait could it be that she is one of those kids who just doesn't like their hands held. This is what pisses me off about people and their observation. What if the little girl didn't feel like crossing the street. I have seen parents with that issue often, and I have seen parents shove the kids across. Man she didn't punch the kid. My goodness it's a shove. Some of you act like you've never been shoved or shoved someone. People are super quick to blame the nanny,they need a I saw a parent site. you don't know the little girls character and you came in the middle of the story. Until you can tell me the beginning and the end. I can't agree with how you feel.
I will be the first to tell you that my son is a brat, and sometimes I feel really bad for my nanny. I have a nanny cam, and I am surprised she hasn't spanked him. I have seen him throw things at her. She doesn't flinch. I also pay her well, and she has insurance lol. Man I know I want to spank him sometimes. Stop making assumptions. Find out what happens. Confront them then. Stop being so sneaky. I tell a nanny about themselves every chance I get and you know what. I never see them doing what they were doing wrong again
You are serious Anon 9:34p? I can't believe you are employ a nanny, let alone that you are a parent.
Anony, I can see why your poor son has the problems you describe. Here's the site you're looking for:
http://badmamas.blogspot.com/
It's pretty slow, but maybe someone can copy your post there. I'd say anyone who badmouths their child publicly and admits to shoving them and brags about confronting peole constantly deserves a place of honor there.
(Of course you won't see them do it again, unless you are stalking them.)
Anonymous,
Maybe you live on a quiet country road. This post is from the UWS of Manhattan, where children hold hands crossing the street period. there are drivers turning into the crosswalks while on cell phones, bike messengers speeding through lights going the wrong way, ambulances that wait until they get to the intersection to blast their sirens. There is no shoving children across the street because they don't like to hold hands. This nanny isn't just rough, she is endangering her charge through her carelessness.
Well said, Manhattan!
anon,
why would you call your child a brat? as far as "some kids don't like to hold hands." well. they just have to, that's all. a five-year-old you can pick up and carry if he refuses to walk.
why do you have such anger towards your child to want to spank him? I think you sound really mean. He's just a little kid, for christ sake.
has your son heard you refer to him as a brat? if so, maybe that's your problem. he is living up to your expectations.
OP here. I must say I was hesistant to post about this, b/c yes, it wasn't SOOOO awful. She wasn't outright beating the poor little guy. BUT - if this were my nanny and child, I would want to know. Its as simple as that. I doubt this little girl's parents are OK with the nanny acting like this, and I'm SURE the nanny doesn't act like this in front of the parents.
BTW, no there was nothing in her hands and this was not a hurried shove. To me, it seemed like the child was being difficult (prob b/c she was upset) and the nanny was being short-tempered.
As for the post about maybe the child doens't like having her hand held -- this is NYC, and who is the adult here?
oops, I meant "poor little girl"
I am going to be very concerned when these little kids grow up. No one has ever told them no, they run around thinking they own everything, a spanking is NOT abuse. What a bunch of spoiled little brats you've all raised. It's any wonder why everything around us is falling apart. Human stupidity is one the rise and now they are smart ass, selfish, sneaky little beings who will never grow to be accomplished adults. I mean now they don't even want kids to know what it feels like to lose. I mean not everyone should get a trophy! Life is about losing... have fun everyone you will be taking care of your kids until you die and then the state will have to take care of them. Or they will do the extreme opposite and think that since there is no backlash from their actions they are all going to be criminals. A shove is a shove, she didn't kick the little girl and we don't know the situation. I read the other day about how yelling is the 'new' spanking... we should just let the kids run the show, the obviously control everything and get to do whatever they want no matter how big of brats they really are. Congratulations you've all bred the and raised the stupidest generation.
ohforthelove,
you sound really ignorant. nobody ever said anything about not disciplining the children. and nobody ever said spanking was abuse. I just personally feel you do not need to resort to that to discipline your child. there are other, better ways.
we are talking about safety here and common courtesy and treating children like they are people. because they are people. they are not beneath us, regardless of their hight. they should be treated with the same respect we would want. would you want your boss shoving you if you were not hurrying to the copy machine fast enough? would you want the person behind you in line to shove you? I doubt it.
we need to model the behavior that we want children to exhibit. if we hit, they will hit. if we have no faith in them, they will have no faith in themselves. and more importantly, if we disrespect them, they will learn to disrespect others.
as far as your comment about everybody not getting a trophy? well, I think my kid should get a trophy. I'm gonna go buy her one right now just for the hell of it.
Now that I think of it, I think I'll buy one for each child in her class! (They are special needs kids. I think they might like some trophies, just for being their wonderful selves.) Thanks for the great idea!
Interesting.
I do think "fortheloveofgod"'s ideas are a bit extreme that being said I agree that a swat on the hand of a child who is trying to stick their finger in an electrical socket surely won't damage them for life. I also believe if children learn to lose early they will be able to better deal with the ups and downs of life as they get older.
As for the shove across the street there is absolutely no reason not to take the hand of a child crossing the street. I haven't spent much time in NYC but just thinking about working as a nanny or having my children in the city scares me, probably because I am not used to the hustle and bustle.
Ohfortheloveofgod,
I am sorry you feel life is about losing. That is such a sad and defeated view of life to pass on to a child.
I wish you could meet my charges. They are kind, considerate, well mannered and happy children. They excel in school, have strong friendships, and I am confident they are not headed for a life of crime or dependency on their parents as adults. Their parents and I set clear limits, never spank, and try to teach respect and empathy for others. Maybe you should try that.
OS,
there is a difference between a swat on the hand to teach a toddler about something dangerous and a swat just for the hell of it.
forthelove's point seems to be that it's ok to hit children in order to show them who is boss. and to me, that's just not a good reason to hit a child. to many adults use force over children to to exhibit their "power."
as far as learning to lose gracefully, I think it is a great lesson. it is one we can teach our children as they grow. however, I do not feel that it is a bad idea to make a child feel good about themselves instead of excluding them. whenever possible, an educator should try to give positive reinforcement to all children, not just the ones who excell in a particular sport or academic.
Educators, in order to better educate children, need to see that all children have their strenghths and that all children can learn. I think we are moving towards that. We just need to be creative instead of lazy.
Orange Snakeskin,
Don't be scared of NYC! It can be a great place for children to grow up. The cultural diversity is wonderful. You sit in the sandbox, and kids on one side are speaking Japanese, on the other side French. The educational opportunities are incredible. Classes in anything you can think of are available, not to mention the choice of schools with different types of curriculums.
Museums, Theatre, playgrounds, sports facilities, we have the best!
loveofgod is obviously Anonymous, angry that she isn't being given a trophy for shoving kids around.
One good thing we know about her son, he is obviously smarter than she is if she is constantly fighting the desire to hit him and he is clearly smarter than his grandparents also, who raised an angry, violent thing who sounds like she'd be better off sterilized.
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