....WHAT?!
Feature Ad:
1) Looking for help with my Kids (D.C.)
Single dad looking for help with his twin 2 yr old with dining out, shopping, hiking, and many other fun things that I feel like I'm missing out! This is not an ad for hookups or sexual motives. I have my girls 3 day a week and I hate to stay home especially with cold weather near. I have tried so many times to take my girls to lunches, dinner, zoos, shopping, etc..Not something that's easy and it kinda takes away from the fun when trying to juggle both of them. This is ad is exactly what it says but will pay at least $10.00 an hour plus meals out and other expenses. Yes, including drinks when dining so be at least 21. This is not a nanny position since I already have one but rather a Dad's assistant, better yet a friend of daddy that likes to help.
Here's the tricky part, since I am paying cash each time for this and will be seen publicly with my help I ask that you be put together, hygienic, experienced or loves kids, has own car, doesn't eat two entrees or get hammered since it's free, not a plus size (sorry) since I enjoy hiking with them, must must a sense of humor since my girls love to see daddy laugh. Do not respond if you are married or attached since all of our time will be out in public with me and my kids. Would not want a husband or boyfriend going apesh#*! cause you were spotted with another man.
A little about me, professional single dad that lives in Fairfax (Fairlakes). Goofy, very goofy. Very laid back and easy to get along with. Hours will vary so don't quit your day job. Any questions feel free to email me. Thanks for looking.
Original URL: Ad was removed
* Response to Ad from CL reader:
2) RE: Looking for help with my Kids (D.C.)
Something does not seem right about this man's ad. I know that you stated very clearly that you aren't trying to do anything bad but that's what makes me even more suspicious and reading through your ad makes me very curious. For example you mentioned that the woman should not be a plus size..what does that have to do with anything? And why does the woman have to be single? If her husband or boyfriend knows what her job entails, he shouldnt get jealous. And yes I realize that twins are alot to handle, I've babysat twins in the past too, but THOUSANDS of parents of twins learn to juggle twins on their own. If you really are a single dad of twins you need to learn how to go out in public with them by yourself, learn how to discipline them correctly so they don't become too much for you to handle.You mention that drinks are included so the woman has to be 21, well what makes you think the woman would want to drink? not everybody in this world drinks! Just something in this ad does not seem right, so LADIES be VERY CAREFUL!! I wouldn't reccomend any woman take this job. If he really does turn out to be a single father, well, then hes gotta learn how to do things on his own.
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/kid/1435443439.html
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37 comments:
18 is hysterical at the end.
You live rent free!
No bills ahaha.
Like people don't have bills besides rent and utilities? lol
#4 is sad. If the kids are at daycare from 8 AM-6 PM, then with a sitter from 6 to bedtime and mom and dad get home at 11 PM, when do these children EVER get to see their parents??
I thought the same thing Ariel-chan. I feel sorry for the kids in #4. Hopefully they get to see their parents on the weekend.
4 & 18 are the same, first they are offering no money, then they are. Very sad,either way.
#1 – My biggest problem with this one is that the lady must be 21 to be able to drink. So who is driving home? And who is taking care of the kids while dad and his “friend” are drinking?
#4 – So, the kids are in daycare from 8 until 6 and then this nighttime (unpaid) nanny is to pick them up and take care of them from 6 until 11? When do the parents do any actual parenting or even get to see their children? Weekends, but even then they need occasion help! If you want to be a weekend only parent, you should have skipped the parenting and just gotten a dog!
#18 – What is with these people who need a nanny 6 days a week?
So many of these expect you to come into their home for such a low wage. Those wages $3-5 an hour per kid is what I get when someone brings their kid to me in my home. Not only do I not have to travel, but I also get to take care of my own children, house, chores at the same time. Why do people not get the difference on that?
I'm sorry but I have to laugh at number one. :) hehehehehehe.
I would totally take that job, if the guy was attractive. Why not? :)
Number 1 definitely has sexual motives. She has to be attractive, single, will drink on the job, he's creepy and definitely looking for a hook up.
Just Another Mommy,
Some people work six days a week, especially in NYC.
Working, if both parents are working 6 days a week, maybe they need to reprioritize their lives. My husband does occasionaly work six days a week, however, my kids have me every day of the week. I could not imagine children only getting to be with their parents one day a week.
#1 sounds like he wants to appear to be in a relationship with a young, fun, good looking female. Either to impress his friends or to make his ex jealous.
I suspect he imagines how wonderful it would be for him to show up to pick up his girls from their mother while flaunting a young, good looking girl...and having it look to outsiders like they are on a date as they sit sipping their wine together. I'll bet whoever takes this job finds herself being showcased in all of the places where his work buddies and/or ex and her friends hang out.
#1 He does not say she must be attractive, anywhere in his ad. He says “put together and hygienic”, there is a difference. You do not have to be “attractive” to be “put together and hygienic”. He does state, he does not want a plus sized person, since this “Fathers Helper/Assistant” needs to be able to keep up with 2 twins and a guy hiking and he wants to be very active. Plus sized for guys means obese, not someone that is a bit out of shape and could use the exercise, there is a difference.
He wants to have someone 21 or older if he is going to be drinking out. He does not say she must drink. Just that he is willing to pay for drinks and she must be at least 21. By making an age requirement in the manner he did, he does get to avoid ageism discrimination by attempting to ensure he has someone a bit more mature then someone still in or just out of her “teen” years. Whether that is his actual intention or not.
He wants someone who has a sense of humor and already warns you he is very goofy. Translation: He wants someone who will not “tsk, tsk” him for acting “immature” around his kids and looks down on him constantly.
Now the part about must not be attached, as a guy I can totally get where he is coming from WITHOUT sexual relations entering into it. He does not want to have to deal with YOUR baggage, aka your “man and his wishes”. Many guys DO get funny when their girlfriends and wives hang out in public with another guy and it “looks” like they are together. He is attempting to avoid having to deal with that and ensure he has someone potentially readily available on the spur of the moment. BUT! He should NOT have mentioned it in his ad, as it is a form of discrimination.
Now in the back of his mind he may allow for the possibility of a connection to more at a later date if you two hit it off. But he is NOT requiring it. He specifically says this is not an ad for hook ups or sexual motives. So upfront that is what it will be. Does it mean he will not be open for more later? No. But, it will mean he does not intend to push it. Of course whether he actually does push or not is something else entirely.
I think 'mom said' comes closest to his actual motivations, beyond the actual "Daddy assistant" part of the job. Which is another reason to require her to be unattached. For if it where found out she was "attached" then that ruins the image he might want to project.
I think #1 is a bit unconventional, but I really don't see anything sinister in it. It sounds like he is trying to project an image of being able to manage his children in a calm way, so the helper's job will be to do that in a discrete way that makes it look like she is not the nanny. Also, since this "helper" will be for leisure time (i.e. when the family is going out or hiking or whatever) it sounds like he wants someone he can get along with, not just an employee. It's normal for a red flag to go up for women whenever they see an ad like this, but that doesn't mean we have to conclude that all single dads looking for childcare are skeevy.
I'm sorry but to all of these people that are saying there is nothing wrong with #1, I must disagree. This guy should only care about the quality of care the kids get. Not weather she can drink or is skinny. The thing I think is weird is that he says he already has a nanny, I wonder if she is a plus-size drinker? Whoever takes this job will not be anything but this man's bitch (for lack of a better word). This ad is creepy and disgusting.
Lots of typos in there! Sorry!
Regarding number 1, I think it's pretty telling that in his list of requirements for the 'assistant' he lists 'put together' and 'hygienic' before 'experienced.' Also, plenty of obese/plus-size people can and do go on hikes: he's listing his personal preferences here. I have to disagree with you, CuriousDad: I think these are all codes for 'I want someone attractive.' This guy already has a nanny, apparently, and only has his children 3 days a week-why does he need another helper? Where is the nanny when dad and this helper go on their zoo dates with the kids?
I think the fact that he requires that his assistant be unattached is a huge red flag, and I disagree, CuriousDad, that "Many guys DO get funny when their girlfriends and wives hang out in public with another guy and it “looks” like they are together." I disagree that most men are so immature that they would hold their partner's job against them and feel threatened by their partner's employer. Certainly none of the men I've dated past the age of 21 would go "apesh#!," as the ad puts it, seeing me out with my employer. This guy is looking for someone to hook up with, not a babysitter.
4- Why have children? That is horrible. I may be old fashion but I honestly believe you shouldn't have a time consuming job if you have children. If you make the choice to bring them into the world you must raise them. Before you jump my sh*t I never said women can't work and have a family but it is in no way right to work 60 or 80 hours a week with children.
1- Maybe we should be considering CuriousDad, as a man, probably has a better understanding of this ad than the rest of us. Men don't communicate as well as women for the most part, I think that is part of the reason we see so many "red flags" in the posts of single fathers. I think anyone responding to this ad should use caution as with any other potential employer.
I like Dad's explanation of #1... it totally sums up my impression of the ad. As far as "keeping up appearences" and preferring unattached women, it makes sense to me based on how I was raised. When I was younger (15-18), I often had dads who wouldn't drive me home after babysitting because they didn't want it to "appear" that anything inappropriate was going on. This was common, but I don't know if it was a regional thing (Rural North GA) or a religious thing as I had youth pastors and family friends with the same policy: They didn't go anywhere with just one other woman and the woman's age was irrevelent.
Maybe this dad had the horrible mental image of the future nanny's boyfriend barging into a restaurant and causing a scene in front of his kids... But either way, I think Dad has him pegged correctly!
CuriousDad,
You need to read behind the lines of #1.
"Single dad looking for help with... many other fun things that I feel like I'm missing out!"
Childcare is work, not fun. From the get-go, he's looking for someone to have fun with him.
"This is not an ad for hookups or sexual motives. "
I'm looking for someone to meet my needs on a long-term basis. The code for this position is father's assistant...but you have to look like a girlfriend when we're out in public.
"Yes, including drinks when dining so be at least 21."
I'm not interested in jail bait.
"This is not a nanny position since I already have one but rather a Dad's assistant, better yet a friend of daddy that likes to help."
I already have a nanny...I need someone to be my personal friend and helps out with my personal needs.
"Here's the tricky part, since I am paying cash each time for this "
No paper trail.
"and will be seen publicly with my help I ask that you be put together, hygienic,"
Arm candy.
"experienced or loves kids"
Again, this is about me, not about the kids.
"has own car, doesn't eat two entrees or get hammered since it's free, not a plus size (sorry) since I enjoy hiking with them, must must a sense of humor since my girls love to see daddy laugh."
I'm looking for skinny arm candy with their own transportation who will make daddy happy....(Note: nothing said about making kids happy.)
"Do not respond if you are married or attached since all of our time will be out in public with me and my kids. Would not want a husband or boyfriend going apesh#*! cause you were spotted with another man."
I want you available at my beck and call without anyone in your life who might be jealous of our relationship.
"Hours will vary so don't quit your day job."
Again, I'm not looking to hire a nanny, just someone to meet my needs on an irregularly regular basis. Don't get too attached because I already have a nanny.
lmao mary L! :) you should write for Mad Magazine! that was awesome! lol!
Read into #1 what you will. But by many of the statements previously, it shows why guys get so particular when dealing with women and with children not there own. “Appearances”
I did not say he did not have potential hidden motives. Matter of fact I even stated that he probably did. Just that he will not push any hidden agenda upfront. What he wrote is what he intends publicly and if the “assistant” is in no way interested in him and makes it known then that will be that. He will not fire her immediately, but he may let her go after awhile. But it could be a straight up nanny job and the same thing could happen.
To the whole appearance thing, yes as a "guy" I have to look at appearances when I am dealing with ANYONE of the opposite sex and children. There is NO such thing as an innocent relationship when appearances are used. It is to easy for guys to get into trouble, just on appearances alone. I also do NOT drive any female under the age of 18 anywhere alone. I do not take care of anyone’s else’s children alone if it is not in a public place.
Most decent guys because of the constant accusations of impropriety that we hear, like the previous statements, we are generally Very careful how we go about things. Of course you can always find an idiot who proves the exception to the rule.
Oh and to those who say Obese people can hike. I agree they can, just not as long as most reasonably active adults can or most active children can. To those who say she must be skinny and attractive, that’s your assumption not what he wrote. Again with the double standard appearances.
Curious Dad
My apologies, but I must take exception to this comment you made:
"Oh and to those who say Obese people can hike. I agree they can, just not as long as most reasonably active adults can."
I broke my back 2 years ago and because of my accident, I was sedentary for almost a year. After several months of rehab/physical therapy, I was back on my feet but unfortunately gained about 50lbs. That is obese. I was miserable and being a prior gym rat and a very attractive lady, I was extremely miserable and set to work to lose the weight. I work out 5 days a week, approx. 2 hours a day. I have lost almost all of the weight now but even 3 months into my regime I could have out-hiked anyone in better shape than I. So, please do not always assume when someone "looks" out of shape, that they truly are.
Please note gym rat I said "most" not "all". There alaways seems to be exceptions to any "rule" and yes there are "obese" people who have better stamina then other adults. Hence why I said "most" in my statement.
No, Curious Dad, that is not what you said:
"Oh and to those who say Obese people can hike. I agree THEY can, just NOT as long as MOST REASONABLY ACTIVE ADULTS can."
You are not implying MOST obese people. You are referring that word to other active adults, not obese people.
But I really don't want to pick this apart any further, lest you get offended somehow because I do enjoy your posts.
My apologies for insulting you. Exceptions to a rule can nearly always be found for every thing. Though I disagree on your interpretation of what I wrote. However I can see it can be construed that way. But it is what it is. The same words different order: Most reasonably active adults can out hike someone who is obese. Does not say ABSOLUTELY No Obese person can out hike any reasonably active adult.
Oh and to be 50lbs over normal weight is barely considered obese for most heights, unless you are under 5’. For pretty much all other heights you are either overweight or just on the other side of obese, depending on what you consider the average weight for that height.
Also as a self confessed Gym Rat, were you honestly still at a BMI of 30+ after 3 months into an exercise regime?
No Obese person can out hike any reasonably active adult.
Ridiculous. Someone's weight does not determine their stamina or motivation level.
Curious Dad
Pick! Pick! Pick! lol, no I was not, but even still, after I healed from my accident I was active and strong enough that I know I could have kept up. Had I not been in the shape I was in BEFORE the accident, I would concede.
Thank you for the banter.
To Mary L.
I agree with you 100%.
CuriousDad, I'm curious why you feel the need to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure that many people here have read hundreds of childcare ads- this one sticks out for a reason. I've never had a potential employer stipulate that I needed to be single, not-obese and able to drink on the job. I don't believe that all men are sleazy, or that this ad is problematic because it was placed by a single man. This ad is troubling because it's clearly an ad for a hook-up, masquerading as a childcare ad, and that's scummy.
Not to get too bogged down in obesity topic, but be careful when comparing "reasonably active" and obese people. Those are not inherent opposites. Many obese people, contrary to what you may think about obesity, are active.
Mary L please use the full sentence when your going to comment about something I wrote. Not just part of the sentence, it makes it look to me like you are not actually giving my words some consideration and twisting it to your own use. I get that enough from politicians, and my sisters when we were growing up, thank you.
Instead of "No Obese person can out hike any reasonably active adult." The full sentence was actually "Does not say ABSOLUTELY No Obese person can out hike any reasonably active adult." Two completely different meanings from what you pasted and what I wrote.
But as to your comment “Ridiculous. Someone's weight does not determine their stamina or motivation level.”
Yes it does, matter to their stamina. Motivation, no. An obese person is carrying more weight for a given height, then someone else of equal strength and stamina that weighs less, yeah it matters. Can an obese person have more stamina then another person? Oh yeah they could. But most do not on average, because they are carrying around so much more weight then everyone else.
I did not give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I had no doubts about what he wrote. I even stated what I thought he wrote good or bad at the face value of what he wrote.
He could have wrote an absolutely pristine ad and I think others would still think he was looking for more. I gave exactly what he wrote as a given and that I think he does have hidden intent, but he is not going to make that hidden intent a public issue. What he says is what he will do, his hopes and desires not withstanding. Does he want more? Oh yeah, did he go about it in the wrong manner? I think yes, very much so. But, maybe not in his mind, if he got exactly what he wanted. If he is an actual person and not some troll looking for trouble in the first place.
Would you have preferred an Ad that said this instead?
“Single dad looking for help with his twin 2 yr olds with dining out, shopping, hiking, and other very active fun! I have my girls 3 day a week and I hate to stay home especially with cold weather near. I have tried so many times to take my girls to lunches, dinner, zoos, shopping, etc.. Not something that's easy and it kinda takes away from the fun when trying to juggle both of them. This will pay at least $10.00 an hour plus meals out and other expenses. This is not a Nanny job but a mothers (Dads) helper/assistant position.
A little about me, professional single dad that lives in Fairfax (Fairlakes). Hours will vary. Any questions feel free to email me. Thanks for looking.”
Only thing this changed Ad would mean, is now he will get the kind of person he does not want applying for the job and wasting his and their time. But it is even more dishonest, since he no longer has his hidden agenda hinted at, as it is in the real Ad. Though this one is probably at least legal.
Defend him? Please. Critic his ad? Most definitely.
Well, you went through his ad point by point in order to show it's not as sleazy as some of the other people here think. That certainly seems like defending someone to me. This sentence of yours isn't totally clear to me: "I gave exactly what he wrote as a given and that I think he does have hidden intent, but he is not going to make that hidden intent a public issue." If someone has a "hidden intent" it cannot be public, right? I think you're saying he has an agenda but is hiding it; I think his agenda is pretty clear.
I think if this guy is looking for some 21 year old to hook up with then he needs to take his ad to the dating section. I don't think he should obfuscate his ad more- I think his ad shouldn't exist.
CuriousDad,
I'm sorry for misquoting your post...but I was confused by all the starting capitals.
I think your opinions on the obese are a little outdated, and maybe you're thinking of someone actually larger than plus-sized (e.g., 400 lbs).
Yes, if you have a shelf behind you or have a stomach the size of a feed sack, it would be harder to keep up. But it's also possible to be large and still well proportioned.
I know I can keep up..I race-walked a 4-day convention with a smaller younger coworker. She set the pace.
And in the case of the ad in question we're talking about hiking with toddlers, not exactly Outward Bound.
I have to say, I really appreciate the mature debating between all of the posters in this thread, nothing like the flame wars this blog used to suffer from. And to Mary L. - I don't know if you are new or not but I hope you stick around for awhile, I really like your style. ;-)
"Yes, if you have a shelf behind you or have a stomach the size of a feed sack, it would be harder to keep up. But it's also possible to be large and still well proportioned."
Yes to me having a stomach the size of a feed sack and or a shelf behind you that is as wide as you are tall is obese. Someone who carries fifty extra pounds proportionally over what their body “average” is, is not obese to me. Overweight, maybe, but not obese, it would depend on how they carried it. Most guys I know, when we talk about "Plus" sized and such it is the person who takes about as much room in width as they do in height. Every one else is skinny, athletic, average, a few extra pounds, slightly overweight or overweight. It is all about visual looks, we are after all a visual sex. Oh and if most of your "overweight" is carried in the rear and at the front shelf about arm height, most guys will NOT consider that “fat”. Even if the BMI says you are obese or overweight.
I attempted to tie the conversation with the BMI as I know many women seem to think being what the BMI considers “Skinny” to be their ideal average. But I obviously failed to show the correlation of what was in my mind. To what I felt was actually obese nad "plus" sized.
Oh and as far as hiking with toddlers, I am pretty sure after a awhile, one or both of them will have to carry one or both of those two toddlers. If the guy wants the hike to continue any further.
Do you know how many times I have heard a guy say he will not date a woman over size 7? Such a smack in the face for the women that look great as a 10 or even a 12, and as far as I am concerned, do NOT look fat. Ridiculous that some men want such a skinny woman. To me, ultra-thin is not attractive. I just want to be a healthy weight and be strong. If I am at my correct weight at a size 9, so be it.
LOL Gym Rat about as many times I have heard women say, no way he does not have six pack abs. Or he is not my "Body type" aka he has a few extra pounds and is not as skinny as the lead singer for aerosmith.
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