Nanny Horror Stories 2008

Tan-Fastic
I hired a nanny from a reputable agency and things seemed to be going well. Cut to three months later when a high school student who babysat for us on Saturdays mentioned meeting my nanny and that she seemed "nice". I asked her where she had met her and she told me the tanning parlor. Then our high school student made a comment about how good our baby was and how content she was. Confused, I said, "she (the baby) was with her". And our high school, God bless her heart said, 'yeah, they were in the next booth and I didn't even know a baby was in there'. What? My nanny had been taking the baby with her while she tanned and she parked the baby in her car seat on the floor of the tanning booth. Neither our high school sitter, the nanny or the proprietor saw anything wrong with a seven month old baby sitting on the floor while our nanny tanned for periods of 20-25 minutes! I had to fire her right after that. It was a question of her general judgment.


Sounds so Much like Our Favorite Mainline Mom…My younger sister thought working as a nanny sounded like a good idea. She had worked as a babysitter and at a daycare for four years. At age 25, she left our neighborhood to go work in a tony town in LI. She called me the first week and told me how nice everything was. She called me the second week and was in tears. Her boss, the female had begun verbally abusing her calling her such things as stupid and asking her if she mentally retarded. She had made some mistakes, but they sounded minor and not unlike mistakes someone acclimating to a new environment might make. I tried to convince her that regardless of what happened, she had to impress upon her boss that it was not okay for her to be spoken to like that. So, she calls me about four days later and tells me her boss has slapped her across the face. I was furious and told her to call the police. She would not. I drove two hours out to where she worked and called her from my cell phone. No answer. I went to the door and rang the bell. The Mrs. Answered. I asked very pointedly to see my sister. The Mrs. informed me that my sister was working, that it was during working hours and house guests were not permitted. I told her, “look, you get my sister to this door or I’ll call the police right now”. She tells me, “I’ll watch you dial, I am reporting her for child neglect and endangerment”. At this point I don’t know what has happened and I consider the options. Much as I would like to kick her in the head, I say again, “Mam, we have a family emergency and I must speak to my sister at once”. After five minutes of the door shut in my face, my sister appears at the door. My sister tells me, “You’re making it worse, you better go”. I say, “I’m not going without you, go get your stuff”. She says she can’t and is acting bizarre. I convince her finally to go and get her purse so she can give me her master card. When she comes to the door, I take her arm and guide her out the door. She tells me to stop. She tells me that she has stuff in the house. By now, the Mrs. is at the door. “Just what do you think you’re doing” she says.

Again, I tell her about the family emergency and I say, we have to go NOW, it’s an emergency. The woman looks pissed and she says, “this” with a huge emphasis on ‘this” is not going to work. We keep walking to the car. It took six months before she got any of her things back and that was after involving the police and an attorney. I wouldn’t recommend to anyone that they work as a nanny. This happened almost a year and my sister’s self esteem is still in the crapper because of what she went through. There are other things that went on in that house, but I can’t say more because the woman has proven to be more than a bit litigious.


Puppetry of the Penis
So, I interview with some batshit crazy family in a town called Darien. They tell me how wonderful and hip they are. They showcase their home and their five star nanny bedroom suite. I sign on. I start work. Things are okay. But not that okay. The kids are pretty wild and the parents are pretty dumb. The oldest child gets busted for taking pictures of his ding dong and circulating amongst some classmates. They pass it on and they pass it on. Soon, the kids ding dong is everywhere and the school principal calls Mom and Dad in.

Mom denies it is his penis. But so be it. He gets a slap on the wrist because Mom and Dad are connected. I am doing my best to be a good nanny and good role model. I do a lot of driving with the job. Sometimes with one child, sometimes both and sometimes I take their friends with them places. The 12 year old gets busted stealing silicon boob inserts from a department store. The clerk who caught him is adamant that he was stealing them, putting them inside his jacket, and discarding the package. Dad shows up and the whole mess is swept under the rug. One day, I come home with the other child and the house is quiet. The other child goes to the pantry to get a snack and watch TV. I walk through the house and find the twelve year old. He is butt naked with a broomstick in his ass. I kid you not. He kind of looked like the wicked witch of the west, except not green and the end of the broom disappeared between his but cheeks. He gasped, I gasped. I ran upstairs. I didn’t mention it to him. I instead told the parents. I thought I was seeing a pattern of behavior. The father screamed at me, “why are you so intent on trying to portray my son as some sort of pervert”. When I say screamed, believe me he was red faced and spit was flying. I told them I thought they would want to know. The mother just stared at me like I was a creature she couldn’t understand. Me. The normal nanny. One day I take him and two friends out for pizza. Afterwards, I drive the friends home. After I dropped the first kid off, there were two. The next friend lived about ten minutes away. I guess they thought I couldn’t see them in the backseat in the dark. They were clearly touching each other’s penis’s. After that, I spoke to my own mother about what was going on and she suggested I quit. I did. They were pissed at me and yelled at me about my lack of professionalism. It just seemed to me that being an adult around such a sexually aberrant preteen could put me in more uncomfortable positions, some of which could have legal consequences, especially since the parents were in a state of denial. I work in another town in CT now for parents whom I respect and admire.


Not Your Dream Nanny
Why someone ever thought I would make a good nanny, I don’t know. Actually, they probably didn’t. All along the line, someone was looking to get paid. Me, as an American girl who could play football and speak reasonably well, well I became a hot nanny ticket. Despite the fact I had only minimal babysitting experience, I had a line of people eager to interview me. Even after the interview process, those same people were eager to hire. And so, I was hired by a New Jersey family with three children, ages 6, 4 and 2.

New Jersey to me meant little more than access to New York City. I didn’t come to be a nanny to bond with children or play some viable part in making them in to well mannered young adults. All I cared about was seeing the city and going out. The nanny idea seemed perfect because everything was paid for. I lost my apartment back in Colorado, well I was technically evicted. I was maxed out all on my credit cards and my car? I drove it into a neighbor’s wall when I was driving drunk. The neighbor didn’t call the cops, because they were friends of my parents. And nannying? Seemed like a ticket out of my broke life in the boonies.

I arrive in NJ penniless. In six days, I have five hundred and twenty five dollars cash in my pocket. The first five days were fairly easy. The newness of it all was exciting. I had met a nanny from Utah on Thursday and we had plans to go to the city on Saturday. We ended up staying in the city all weekend. Sight seeing and bar hopping. She was pretty tame in comparison to friends I would soon meet. The next week I put in a good effort during the day and I started to make plans at night. The neighborhood bars would soon become after work hangouts. Even though I was a live-in, I was out the door as soon as the parents came home.

By the end of the first month, I had a fast set of friends. We would spend a good amount of time in the city, even during the week. We drank and drank and drank. We smoked pot, used cocaine to stay up late and ecstasy was big at that time. I would report to work still stoned or drunk, if not hung over. I had pounding headaches and was short tempered with the children. I was never physically abusive but I would yell at them. I stopped doing anything with them. TV became their new nanny and I became a pitiful excuse for a childcare provider.

When Mom and Dad came home, I mustered up a smile and a energetic recap of the day’s events. Sorry to say, but they were suckers. Good natured, well intentioned people, the sort who believe the world is more full of good people. I wasn’t good people then.

I began stealing from them to supplement my income. Nothing huge, just out of the way knick knack type things that I could take to a pawn shop, money out of the father’s coat or the mother’s purse. They gave me a few department store credit cards to shop for the children’s clothes. I would go and buy the children everything they needed, plus a few things and then leave the receipt for the mother. She reviewed the receipts pretty thoroughly. Then I would go back through the clothes and take some things with tags on to return for store credit. I used those store credits to buy my clubbing attire.

It was my job to make dinner for the family and I was fast becoming tired of it. So I started stealing more money so that I could “fake” dinner making. I would go to a store and buy precooked chicken and put salads together in the salad bar and run home and dump everything in containers. When I was too tired to make lasagna, a relatively simply dinner, I went to the grocery store with extra funds and bought Stouffers and plopped it in a baking dish, threw some extra cheese and olives on top of it and served it as if it was my own. I also had to wash the children’s laundry. By then I had a friend who was a meth head who was always hurting for money. She would hang out with me some days and watch TV or even play with the children. (Gasp). She would do the laundry and straighten up for me for as little as $5.

I was engaging in risky and irresponsible behavior. My time off was spent sleeping with anyone and everyone. It was easier to sleep with a strange guy than it was to pay for a hotel in the city. A few Mondays, I simply did not show up to work. I would wake up late and call my boss who was strangely understanding. I was there for seven months. They fired me because they just couldn’t trust me anymore. They never said as much, but I know they began to realize things were missing. It was a good thing they did fire me because I was just not good with the children. I recall the six year old was riding his bike for the first time. Their big house was on a corner and I stood at the corner to make sure he stopped or was able to stop and did not go in the street. At the last moment one day, I moved out of the way and let him go in the street. Flying right out into a busy road. Part of me thought if something happened to him, I could just end this whole nanny thing and go home. He fell and got scratched up but no cars were near. I am so glad for that. I am so glad that no harm came to those children while I was watching them. I have a lot of regrets about my behavior at that time. I’m a better person now. I am.


Giddy UpMy nanny seemed normal. She did the job as we asked her to. I had no complaints about the way she did her job, but I was not comfortable with her as a live-in. She kept odd hours, even if she wasn’t going out, she seemed to be up at all hours. One night I picked up the phone and overheard a phone sex conversation between her and an unidentified male. I admit, I stayed on longer than I should have. She spoke to many men on the phone. I soon realized she was using a phone service to meet men. The phone line was free for woman, but I was still concerned, especially because she would meet up with different men. She was pretty closed about what she was doing, so I had to do some investigative work to figure it out. It wasn’t hard. Different cars would pick her up. Twice, a black town car was sent for her. She was an attractive girl, but very naïve. I worried about her as a person but also began to worry about her morality. She would order a lot of packages but they didn’t appear to be from clothing stores. One day, I snuck in her room after she had left for the evening and went through some of her belongings. Some of what she had been ordering included hardcore fetish materials. Whips, clips and videos were the least of what I came across. There were all sorts of insertables including a horse tail… The horse tail thing did it for me. I just couldn’t imagine the nanny walking around, even in her off time with that horse tail hanging out of her ………..


Mother May I
I fired my nanny in April when I was told by a mother in ballet class that our nanny introduced my daughter as her daughter and talked about my six month old son as if he was her own. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She had become increasingly possessive of the children and accusatory when she inquired as to their care overnight or on weekend’s. I remember one Monday, I had dressed my daughter and the nanny seemed to become unnerved. The nanny pointedly told me, “I had that sweater picked out for her to wear with the yellow pants on Friday” and without saying anything else, she redressed my child. There were lots of little things like that. She criticized the way my husband fed the baby and would always say, ‘he like it this way’ or ‘he needs this’. It was as if she and only she knew what my children needed. One Saturday, she came in the kitchen and my husband and daughter were eating lunch. They had hot dogs and potato chips. The nanny very nearly flipped out. She grabbed the paper plate from my daughter and told my husband, “I don’t want ** eating nitrates”. My husband assured her that the hotdog was fine. The nanny said, “I disagree”. He got the plate back from her but it was just another uncomfortable exchange.


Two Stories
You want a worst nanny story? I have two. I hired a Jamaican nanny to care for my twins from 7:30-6:30. She agreed to the job and the pay. I left the home at 7:30 and would return home by 6:30 depending on the subway. After a week, she told me that the day was just too long and that no one could work an 11 hour day and that was unfair of me. I changed my work schedule (which caused conflict among coworkers) so I could be home by 5:30. When I told her I arranged to do that, she said, “that will be better”. She didn’t thank me or heaven forbid suggest that the salary be retooled. Her job description had included making dinner for the children. After I changed my schedule to arrive home by 5:30, she stopped making dinner. The children would eat at 6 every day, and now she stopped assuming any responsibility for dinner. Soon she would tell me that she could not get to the laundry most days because the children’s nap was so short, she barely had time to sit down and have lunch. She asked me to hire her Aunt to clean and do the laundry. I agreed. I fired her after I found out that she had been leaving the twins with the Aunt and not just on cleaning days. I don’t know where she went, but it seemed like she had subcontracted someone to care for my children.

The next nanny I hired was also Jamaican. She seemed to be great with the children and enjoyed playing with them. She would be on the floor driving cars around with them and letting them climb all over her. The trouble with her was related to alcohol. There was a day or two when I thought I smelled the odor of alcohol, but I was never certain enough to accuse her. One evening I came home at 5:30 and the children were playing with a train on the floor and the nanny was passed out cold. Arms outstretched to the side, her head drooping and slobber dripping from her mouth. The odor of alcohol was overwhelming at that point. I fired her on the spot. The children told me later that Sarah liked to take naps most days.

Nannies? No thank you!


4 Nannies and a Funeral
I am a nanny and I have a story to share. I have worked as a nanny for three families. The first two families were gems. One family was in Seattle, my first and the second was in Beverly Hills, my second. I remain in contact with them both and loved the experience.

I had always wanted to work in New York so I contacted a rather exclusive nanny agency and supplied my stellar references. Soon, I was off to New York to work as one of four nannies for a family with four children. I did not report to the parents but rather to the ‘nanny manager’ who scheduled and directed the four of us.

I was assigned to one child, a two year old boy. I was the nanny who had to work the most hours as the other children were all in school full or part time. The job itself would have been easy if not for the infighting between the nannies. The nanny manager made over a hundred thousand dollars a year and whatever she said went. She had fired nannies previously for such things as ‘using a condescending tone with a child’ or ‘failure to appreciate etiquette’. I was making just over fifty thousand dollars to start, with the promise of a 25 percent raise after one year of service.

I loved being in New York. We had access to family vehicles as well as train passes. The four of us lived in a renovated barn on the family’s property. Each of the four rooms contained a full bathroom, a bedroom and a sitting area with television, desk, sofa, computer, microwave and mini refrigerator. Each of our doors had a lock and key and each of these four rooms was upstairs. Downstairs in the barn, there was a full kitchen, a laundry room and the nanny manager’s room. Her area was a larger version of ours with an extended sitting area and a large office. There were fights about who left what in the sink or failed to clean the stove. We fought like cats and dogs, the four of us, but the second the nanny manager was near, we had to make nice. We never let her arbitrate for us, even though she had encouraged us to bring disputes to her, the rumor was she had no tolerance for disputes.

When we went out in public, we were expected to dress impeccably. Not fancy, but neat. It was suggested that we wear black pants, nice shoes or boots and a white button down blouse. We stuck to the basics as much as possible. There were four of us females and excepting one of us, we were all about the same size. As a result, we had three females laundering lots of black pants in one laundry room.

There came a time when we were to travel with the children to a funeral for an older family member. The parents of the children were already at the funeral and greeting visitors, so we were to bring the children and make sure they were coping okay. We were to travel with the children in a limo from NY to Rhode Island. The nanny manager was already in Rhode Island and she would be the sole person attending the funeral with the children. We four were to remain behind the scenes and make sure the children were dressed and composed.

The morning of the funeral, I had my outfit hanging in the laundry room because I had pressed my jacket, blouse and pants. But alas, there were no pants there. I asked each of the girls if they had seen my pants. No one had. Following the funeral, I was off for three days in a row, so I had no back up clean plants. Most days I wore black chinos, but none were clean. I knew that one of the girls in particular likely had a pair of pants for me to borrow but when I asked her, she told me they were all being dry cleaned. (Possible). This left me with the option of wearing black yoga pants with black boots (because the pants were ankle crops) or borrowing a pair of the biggest black pants from the size 0 petite nanny. I chose the latter and wore her pants, which were so short on me, with boots. I could not button or zip the pants so I wore them wide open in front. I pulled my shirt down over the open pants and wore my jacket over that. I was pissed. Where were my pants.

There was one nanny I got along pretty well with. So I was surprised to realize as we were getting out of the limo at the funeral that she appeared to be wearing my pants. I asked her, “Are those my pants”. She said no and shushed me. The nanny manager was coming out to meet us and there was a crowd of mourners off to one side. I quickly reached and lifted up this nanny’s shirt to see if they were my pants. As I did that, I saw they did in fact have a side zip. The nanny flipped out and pushed back at me. The nanny manager was now closing in on us with a raised eyebrow. She said sternly, “what is this commotion”. I said, “Kate stole my pants”. With that Kate, and both of the other nannies looked at me like I was insane. They all three shook their head at me like I was a troublemaker. “Look”, I said, lifting my shirt to show the nanny manager that I wasn’t insane. Bad move. I was fired that day. On the spot. A car was summoned and I was immediately returned to the NY Estate where Martin stood by while I packed my bags.


VengeanceI hired a nanny with impeccable references or so I thought. I soon learned her references were her best friend and her sister in law. The nanny ordered pay per view movies and porn, forgot groceries in the car (including haddock), had to be woken up every morning and was absolutely lethargic. We knew she wasn’t working out, but a stay at home father saw her in the park, sleeping away while my three year old played on the equipment. The horror story started then. She wouldn’t go. She refused to go. She said she was a tenant and had 30 days to get out. We weren’t prepared to give her severance at all but ended up giving her three weeks severance and paying for a week for her at a hotel just to get her out of our home. Just when we thought we were rid of her, she began her ‘payback’. She made a number of prank calls to our home and my business. She would tell anyone who answered the phone at work that Child Services was investigating me because I was a terrible mother. She reported us to the IRS because we did not withhold taxes from her pay. She had asked to be paid off the books! She worked for us for three weeks but caused us six months of anguish. She tore out all of those cards that come in magazines and had magazine subscriptions sent to us. She had pizza delivered to us and had our cable disconnected. Animal control came out to our home to investigate the way we treated our beloved Pomeranians. I can’t prove she did all of this, but who else would?


Not Home Safe
I started my first Nanny job when I was 19 yrs old. I admit I was very young and naive, but I took all of my certification and ECE classes, and I loved children very much. The Parents that hired me worked really late hours, and part of the deal was that they would make sure I got home safely every night.

I was about 2 weeks into caring for their 2 toddlers when one evening they came home very drunk. Knowing better than to get into the car with someone who'd been drinking I just said I would walk home. It was about 11pm and as soon as I stepped out the door, I was nervous and scared and regretted making that decision. I had never noticed how dark it was in their neighborhood, and there were hardly any streetlights.

I started walking very quickly and was within one block of my home when a car pulled up beside me. A man jumped out and tried to drag me back inside. I was kicking and screaming with everything I had. He finally gave up and sped off. I ran home as fast as I could and told my family what happened. My Parents and older brother drove me back down to my Employers house, almost breaking down the door until finally the Dad answered it. As soon as the door opened, my brother punched the Dad right in the face. My Mom said, "that was for my daughter getting attacked tonight, you sonofabitch!". I was shocked! I'd never seen my family react that way about anything.

I never went back, obviously, but two months later that family moved. I don't know if it was because of what happened or not, but I have a feeling I wasn't the only one that learned a lesson that night.


Doing Zane’s DadSeveral years ago, I took a job with a couple that had a beautiful little 2 year old boy named Zane. About a month into the job, the mom had to go away on an overseas business trip. I didn't mind too much because she wasn't very friendly. I was always nervous around her for some reason, and I got the impression that she thought she was better than everyone else. The Dad, on the other hand, was very laid back and easy to talk to.

Things went well for the most part, but it took awhile for things to calm down because it looked like Dad wasn't used to being on his own. I guess his wife took care of everything around the house for them. Anyway, he was switched to night shift at his job and asked if I could accommodate the new schedule and I said I could. He set me up in a bedroom across the hall from his son since that meant I'd be staying over nights now.

Early one morning after coming in from work, I guess I had slept in too late because the kid was already up, but the Dad came into the house and saw his son ripping pages from a very nice Encyclopedia set they had. I felt so horrible and offered to pay for the damages. He was a little upset, but said not to worry about it. I got an alarm clock and promised that it wouldn't happen again. That was the only incident the whole time I was there that I was reprimanded for. However, one evening after putting his son to bed, I was cleaning and I came across some letters that he and his wife had been writing to each other. I knew I shouldn't have, but curiosity got the better of me and I read them. I was so pissed off afterwards that I wanted to rip them all up! I am so glad I read them because in the letters from his wife, all she could do was bash me. She said some really nasty things about me. In the letters from the Dad, even though for the most part he said I was doing a great job and the kid loved me, he did mention the Encyclopedia incident.

I was really upset for a few days and thought of quitting. Then an opportunity arose that I just couldn't pass up. One night when the Dad came home early and the little boy was still in bed, I figured this was the best time for me to get even. I was really surprised it took such little effort. Just a little flirting and a low-cut blouse, and me and Dad were knocking boots. I hate to admit it, but I felt so much better after sleeping with her husband. So, this is a warning to all of those perfect Moms out there, be careful who you run your mouths about!


White Plains Thief
Approximately a month ago I hired a nanny whose responsibilities included housekeeping and taking the kids to school and driving them to activities etc...A few days after I hired her, I noticed that I was missing 20 dollars but just thought I had misplaced it. By day 6 I realized I was missing more money and now I was getting suspicious. By day 8 I went to get her salary out of my drawer and most of it was gone. This is when I knew she had been stealing from me. I decided to check my jewelry and I was missing a gold bracelet and a diamond bracelet. I had her come the next day (knowing that I was going to fire her) but figured I would work her to death and my husband was home so I knew nothing could be taken. Well, I confronted outside (away from the kids) and told her that I know you have been stealing money and jewelry from me. She looked at me and said I've never been in your drawers. I told her to leave my property and never come back again....Before I contacted the police, I called her references and told them exactly what happened. I wanted to make sure that they understood why she would be needing another new reference and they should be honest with whomever calls. Of course, these past references never had a problem with this nanny. That night I left her a message on her cell phone and told her "that she has till 6a.m. to go to the pawn shop and get my jewelry back and place it in my mailbox". When I got up in the morning the mailbox was empty so I proceeded to the police station. As I was making out a report she called my home and told my husband that she would get the jewelry back from the pawn shop by the afternoon since she didn't want us to go to the police. Well, the jewelry was returned though I did lose money. If you live in Westchester, New York and you just hired a nanny whose name begins with a R and lives in White Plains, then be very careful....She is a crook. By the way, my kids thought she was nice...


House of Horrors
My worst nanny story involved the night I offered to babysit for my employers sister in law along with my regular charge. The boys were 2 an 8, and extremely hyperactive.The house was under construction, so there were no windows, just plastic sheeting, and this is a 1920's house with floor to ceiling windows. I asked the dad if he could put guards on the windows and he refused. I had to watch the kids like hawks because they refused to watch a DVD or play games and would instead chase each other at top speed towards the windows, and I would have to run after them and grab them before they fell out (these were floor to ceiling windows in a 1920's era house)The dad told me to put the kids down for bed in the unfinished basement since the AC was turned off which was like a cellar---had a cement floor, tons of shelves loaded with glass jars full of nails, and boxes everywhere. He insisted they would be fine. I refused, and instead put them on couches in the living room so I would watch them. The boys laughed when I put them in time outs (their parents disciplined only by spanking)and when I put them to bed, just started jumping on my charge and waking her up. Finally at 1am, the kids fell asleep. When my boss came home I told her I needed to be paid $30 an hour for the night and I would never watch the kids again.


Ugly DuckingWe hired our first nanny sight unseen from Maine. It was a strange interview process over the phone. The nanny agency faxed us a picture of the nanny, but that picture was hard to make out by fax. The nanny's voice was very sweet. She seemed well spoken with a gentle laugh and over the course of our interview process, she really impressed me as being thoughtful and knowledgable as a prospective caregiver. We had her fly in to Westchester County Airport which is about 2 miles from our home. The children were excited to meet the nanny. The children had friends with nannies and the nannies were often doing creative and fun things with the children. I was a stay at home mother for the first 7 years and was only recently returning to the work force. The two children and I waited for the nanny by baggage claim at the airport surveying the crowd exiting the terminal. My heart sank as it appeared the nanny was not on board. The children looked perplexed. I got out my cellphone to dial up my husband when a massive, hairy hand reached over and tapped me on the shoulder. I jumped. I swirled around in horror to see a mustachioed woman with a severely pockmarked face, hair pulled neatly into a red bow more suitable for a five year old and revealing balding scalp. The nanny was wearing a matching denim, or should I say faux denim outfit. The pants were denim-esque leggings and the top was made of the same stretchy fabric. The nanny wore her denim leggings tucked into white winter socks and what appeared to be wrestling shoes. "Adrian" I asked with hesitation. She responded and I recognized her sweet voice. The children stood completely still taking in this, their new nanny. She was like no other nanny on the block. With some prodding the children began to talk to her, asked about her trip and what she liked to do. We collected her luggage and went to climb into my SUV. The nanny struggled to get her seat belt around her massive stomache. She was a fairly large girl all around, but her stomache was excessive and seemed to rest on her thighs. I had to exit the vehicle and walk around to the passenger side and buckle her in, so afraid was I that even in a minor fender bender, her girth might flatten one of the children. I am not a horrible person, but this nanny's appearance was offensive. Later that night, I asked my husband, "what can we do". It was his decision to give her a shot at the job, after all she was hear and she had impressed me on the phone. And I was, after all, slated to start a new position in three days time.

Unfortunately, I realized the very next day that even driving would be a problem with her stomache. Our job did require driving and the nanny's stomache was in so much contact with the steering wheel, despite tilting the wheel that I was concerned she might not be able to turn it. Sliding the seat back made it impossible for her to reach the foot pedals. I called my husband after three hours of training and told him that I just could not do it. I feared unleashing this nanny on our small town. We ended up consulting the agency and telling them she was an unacceptable candidate. We could not get her back on a flight that day out of Westchester, so we sent her to LAG by car. I've told many a friend about our nanny for a day, and I only wish I had taken some pictures. Like I said, I am not an unkind person, but this nanny was just obscenely unattractive. Good riddance.


Let the Good Times Roll
I have a nanny horror story to share but it is about the people that I worked for. Horror might be a strong word. They had good qualities too, but were just too wild to be parents. They had three super cool kids that were sweet as pie but mostly what they wanted to do was go to concerts, go to nightclubs and drink a lot. I was a live-in nanny and I did not have any time that I got off. I was definitely supposed to be off on weekends but I that didn't really happen much at all. The father was a sales rep for some kind of expensive men's shoes. I don't think what he did made that much money but he acted like he was a rock star. He also always said he had to go out with clients. How many clients can you have as a shoe sales person? His wife was the director of a homecare program that worked with old people. Like I said, they were nice and all but mostly had partying on their minds.

One time they took the children and I skiing up to Vermont with them. We were at this lodge with a restaurant and they insisted that I have a drink. I am not even a drinker but they tell me to order something. I say, "I wouldn't know what to order" so the wife orders me jack daniels and coke. I drink it slowly and they egg me on. They make fun of me. They order another when t his one is still half full. When I finish the first, they order me a third. All the while they are drinking too. By the time I had three, I was so buzzing I was ready to drink. The children were all school aged and good kids. They were hanging out with other children and playing video games and we were drinking and talking. We spent three nights there and every night we all got shitfaced together. They didn't even care that I was hungover the next day and slept until noon.

They weren't super rich or anything compared to some people I knew but they were super generous.

One day the children were all with the mom for the whole day and the father stopped in between meetings and asked me for a favor. He had a big baggy of weed and asked me if I could roll. Roll? He said he wanted to get it all rolled because he didnt like to keep it like this in the house. I didn't know how to roll. He showed me how to roll. It was weird. We had to microwave the pot first because it was sticky and then break it up and pull out the twigs. Then roll it. I guess I did a good job that day because after that I was always rolling up his weed. One time he got a bag of dirt, which was weed with seeds. It didn't have to be microwaved but it was a bitch to get all the seeds and stems out of it. He would bring good stuff in and say, "man you have to smell this". Pretty soon I could tell the difference between the good stuff and the great stuff by smell. He asked me if I wanted to try some and I said no. He didn't push that, even though he was generous because he probably figured that if it turned out I liked it, his stash could be in jeopardy.

I eventually quit the job because I had no time for myself. The last three weeks of my job were really bad because we were arguing about working. I said some things I shouldn't have. I wish I hadn't because I would have loved to remain in contact with them, if anything just to see what they are up to and if their children are still so good.


Something Smells Funny (#1)
You might file this under cautionary tales. I found my last nanny at a popular playground on the West side. I had watched her work wonders with her charge over the course of several months and decided that I must have her for my own. I have had full time and part time nannies all my life and was hopeful that she would be a fit for our family and would join our home as a permanent addition. I offered her more money to leave her position and she happily jumped ship. That should have been a clue. For the next three months, she worked her magic with my sons. She was full of energy and exuberance and never had a bad word to say about anyone. My youngest son at the time was two years old and just in the process of potty training. As a stay at home mother, I am in and out most of the day. I began to notice the odor of feces emanating from the room and would approach my son and ask if he had an accident or if he needed to toilet. He assured me he was fine and I assumed he was just gassy. I would check his drawers or toilet him, so I was certain he was in deed "fine". The children and the nanny spent their time when indoors in a rec room off the living room. The room had an L shaped sofa, two computer work stations, a game table, a bar and bar stools. One day after the nanny was gone for the day, I discovered a smear of brown fluid on the sofa. I inspected it closely to find that it was indeed feces related and set about scouring out the stain. I found no traces of feces on the children or in their drawers, so I assumed the nanny had just not realized that the 'accident' had gone through his pants and on to the sofa. The sofa was a popular hang out for the children to watch movies during the day. A few days later, I came across a wet stain on the fabric of a chair that went to the game table. The nanny and children were out for the afternoon, so I cleaned that off. When the nanny returned, I made mention of the stain to her and suggested that we return the two year old to wearing pull ups during the day. Not a week later, I discovered yet another brown, wet liquid stain. This one was on the red vinyl bar stool. I found this perplexing because the two year old never sat up on the stools, they were too high and he had no balance. I 409'd the stool and began to keep a keener eye on things around the home. Soon, I realized that the odor I would occasionally smell was actually wafting from the nanny. One day, I noticed that our nanny who regularly dressed in over sized sweatshirts was bending over and she had a banana sized, greasy smear of brown on her grey sweatpants. I asked her, "Marsha, are you having stomache problems?" She turned around, at first perplexed and then pulled down her sweatshirt. She ran from the room embarrassed and returned five minutes later wearing a pair of jeans. I asked her, "Are you okay? I need to know if you are okay". She admitted at that point that she was taking a prescription weight loss medication with the side effect of leaky, greasy stools. I told her that I appreciated her weight loss attempts but the leakage was resulting in an unsanitary condition in the house. She assured me she would cease taking the pills as she had already reached her goal weight. I never saw or smelled another trace of her ingesting the medication. She continued to be unwavering in her excellent care of the children and we all felt very grateful to have her in our home. One Sunday, we drove out to Connecticut to visit family and we returned to find Marsha's room empty. I have no doubt someone else had seen her out with my children and simply offered her better pay. She was a great nanny, but had no sense of loyalty.


Something Smells Funny (#2)
I am a nanny and have been with this family for 4 years, they have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. This summer the mom took a day off of work and we all went to the zoo. We had a crazy day, all days with mom and nanny are crazy because mom will say yes to anything while I try to maintain some sort of order and safety.
So after a few long, hot hours we are getting ready to leave. I get the older child in the car while she puts the baby in. We sit in our seats and I catch a whiff of poop. I mention it and she hops out and checks the baby. I was thinking she would smell his bottom or sneak a peek in the side of his diaper but no! I was not prepared for what I saw...
She reached down the back of his diaper and scooped her fingers in his crack and then
-honestly, I am not exaggerating here-shoves her fingers all the way up her nose and says "Yeah, he pooped."
Readers, I am a total germaphobe, I WAS HYPERVENTILATING at this point. I just couldn't even believe what she did. She changed his diaper and got back in her seat and looked over at me gagging and says "What's wrong?"


Manipulative Mama
I fired my nanny for calling in sick three different days within a 10 day period. This was completely justified. I did not pay her severance because she had only been with us four weeks by that time. After I fired her, her mom called me and was in tears crying about how she was going through dialysis and her daughter was her source of income. She told me that I really ought to give her daughter another chance, but if not, I should pay her 4 weeks severance because after all that would cover the time it would take for her to get another job and collect a paycheck from her next job. I was as polite as I could be, but this mother was a bully. She called me at home and at work. When my husband would answer the phone, he would be hung up on, I can only guess that was her. Finally after two weeks, she stopped calling. And then? It was about this time last year, two weeks after I last heard from her and she and her mother showed up on my doorstep with a bunch of Christmas presents. They carried the Christmas presents in a garbage bag, just like Santa. I was caught completely off guard, and was of all things decorating the tree with my children. They were jumping up and down with joy at the sound of presents. I was forced to let them in. They handed each of the children about four gifts. The gifts were all from a dollar store, I could tell by the packaging. For instance, my little girl was given a barbie type doll that was completely plastic, including her hair. I was forced to entertain Mom and former nanny for the better part of an hour, serving them hot chocolate and cookies. As they were putting on their coats, the mother took me aside and said, "you do so well for yourself, you don't think you could help us out a little bit with the holidays". Feeling pressured, I got my pocketbook and found $260 dollars which I gave them. I felt totally manipulated and it was a hard thing to share with my husband. We changed our phone number after that and I never saw or heard from her and her crazy mother again. I seriously doubt she was undergoing dialysis.


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