Wednesday

Mature, Caring And Responsible, But....

Received Wednesday, November 19, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I'm a SAHM that has never had the opportunity to need childcare. Luckily so because I have no family nearby, or even close friends. I don't get out much except for child-related play and regular household errands, but I would love to go out once or twice with my Husband over the Holidays.

Here is my dilemma: Over the summer I met some of my neighbors and they seemed really nice. I've gotten to know the daughter of one family in particular pretty well because she just adores my son. She is super smart, goes to an upper echelon school, and when I talk to her I feel as if I'm speaking with one of my peers. She told me that if I ever needed her to take care of my son, she would love to do it, and when I see her engage my son I have no doubt that she is caring and responsible. So what's the problem? Well, she's 12-years-old. Never in my wildest dreams would I consider someone that young, but she seems so mature. She's more level-headed than most Adults I've met. But I'm really stuck on her age. Please tell me what you would do?

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi there OP!

I love to hear about great pre-teens like this :P. Anyhow, in answer to your question, I would first check the local babysitting age ordicances. I think 12 may be the youngest. If it is, I say go for it. Have her babysit! Make sure she has all the itmes to set her up for success--- important phone numbers, order a pizza soshe doesnt have to cook etc... and go for it! Also, perhaps offer to pay for one of the babysitting classes that many hospitals offer... I think they certfy the preteens and everything and give them a kit! I say do it! I have been sitting since I was that age and now I am a nanny going into teaching... you may set her off on a wonderful path to being a GREAT nanny! Go for it :P. Please let us know what you decide!

Anonymous said...

You say she adores him, you've had the opportunity to see the two interact, so trust your gut feeling.

I started babysitting at 11. My older sister, not until she was 14. Maturity and responsibility come to people at different ages.

I know our local park districts offer a babysitter prep/CPR class for pre-teens interested in sitting. If she isn't already CPR certified, see if she'd be willing, and then start slowly. Maybe an a couple hours on a weekend afternoon, or a "mom's helper" type day where you're home, but doing other things while she keeps your son occupied.

Good luck!

Emily said...

People left their (sometimes infant) children with me when I was about that young, but I have to say, it seems kind of crazy to me now.

Your own gut has to be your guide on this one, but I would say that there are precocious children who really gravitate towards adults, crave their attention and approval. They often seem so very mature. Left alone, however, with no one to seek approval from, they're ultimately 12-year-olds and not at all a responsible childcare option.

I don't know this girl, of course, which is why I say you've got to trust yourself.

Anonymous said...

Like Emily, I also was left alone with infants when I was very young (13ish) and even though I was perfectly fine (and so were the kids), there is NO WAY I would ever, ever, ever leave my children alone with anyone under 18. It just seems absurd to me; children should not supervise other children, no matter how articulate or mature they appear to be.

If you trust her and think she's good with your son, then maybe you could ask her to watch him, but also have an adult present.

Anonymous said...

Go for it.

For the first time make sure you stay close, go grocery shopping or something and let her know you are near by.

After that, If she is comfortable babysitting then no worries but some kids that young get a little nervous alone after the children are sleeping.

Anonymous said...

I say go for it as well. I was babysitting for neighbors when I was 12. My neighbors would order a pizza for me so I didnt have to cook, would usually have the kids in bed already but not always and they knew my parents were right next door if anything urgent happened. Im sure she would be a great babysitter. 12 does sound so young but if she seems mature and you know her family I think its a great idea! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

OP! I say go for it. But I agree with 4:26. The first time, stay close. Perhaps if you want to go to dinner with your husband, stay local -where you are just a few away. Also, if this is your neighbors daughter-then you know her parents are right there as well. Make it easy for her the first time-already have your son in his pj's when she arrives and order her a pizza. Also red cross offers baby sitting classes for preteens if it becomes a regular thing. I was babysitting by the age of 11-first for my little sister and then for relatives, neighbors and eventually strangers. Now at the age of 30, I am a nanny going on my 10th year! And I wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I started babysitting at 11... I think it depends on the pre-teen and also how long you will be gone and at what time of night. I would trust your intuition.

Anonymous said...

I too was babysitting at that age. I would advise she take the YMCA/YWCA babysitting course and I would also speak with her parents about any concerns they may have. They know here best!! IF they agree that she is as mature a you perceive her, and local ordinances think 12 is old enough....sounds fine to me!

Unknown said...

I have to agree with everyone, that many 12-year-old girls are very capable of providing great short-term care for a child. Just be sure that she knows she can call you if she has ANY problems and that you won't think she has poor judgment because she gave you a call while she was sitting. Some younger sitters may feel like they need to prove themselves so they won't communicate problems quickly, but it sounds like she is smart and has a great head on her shoulders. I would give her a try! Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I'm one more who started babysitting at 11, and was very responsible about it. One of my customers was a family with two little girls, and when they had a new baby, I started sitting for her when she was just over a week old.

If this girl is in your neighborhood, mom and dad will be nearby in case she needs anything. Stay close the first few times. Her parents are likely to be just as nervous as you the first couple times, so she will probably be getting double the number of check in calls the first couple of times!

I am in the process of finidng a babysitting/safety/cpr/first aid class for my daughter, as we have had some recent inquiries about her availability to babysit. That just makes me feel better...even though I had none of those things when I sat so young. You might ask that she take a course...even offer to pay for it, as she may become your best sitter. One of our best sitters...I always treated her very well and my kids loved her, so she made herself available mostly to me...and eventually only to me. it's nice to build that loyalty in such an important relationship.

The lady I mentioned above with the three girls...she always made sure to pay me higher than anybody else did. She had food for me and was just incredibly sweet to me. Consequently, I made myself available to her and became her exclusive sitter. I only babysat for others when she didn't need me.

Your situation sounds like it has the potential to be something special for all concerned. Go for it.

Andria Lisle said...

I also baby sat tiny infants when I was 12 or 13, but it was the '80s, and I guess parents were DESPERATE to get out on the weekends!

but I say go for it. The kid sounds like she's ready for responsibility. I don't have kids myself, but I am a little confused by some of my friends, who don't allow their kids to do anything on their own, yet think the kids will magically mature when they turn 15. I think kids need gradual steps toward independence - I have one friend who won't leave her 11 y.o. daughter (who, to me, seems precocious and pretty responsible) at home with the doors locked in daylight hours while she goes for a quick walk around the block, so how is she gonna wean her off babysitters and carpools within the next 4 years, when the kid becomes old enough to drive?

Interestingly, there's a great blog post on this very subject in today's NYT:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/19/at-what-age-would-you-let-your-child/

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

You don't say where you are, and what your living situation is. I think that is an important consideration. In NYC, in an apt. building with a door man, and a concierge on call, for instance if the smoke alarm goes off, I'd say yes, especially if her parents lived in the building. In a townhouse, or apt. building without a door man, I'd say no,and her parents probably would as well.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

i used many 12 yr olds and there great they want to be involved with the children and not so lazy even for a trip to the grocery store try her while your home doing something you can see how she works without leaving the house

7:17 PM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!!

Anonymous said...

I am so surprised by all of the positive feedback saying "give her a shot"!
Let me see if I can answer all of your questions: We live in the 'burbs. Safe neighborhood. Her family lives caddy-corner across the street from me. She's an only child, but has many friends (some of whom I have met, and she chooses them wisely, they're all good kids).

What would make this an easy decision is not only my faith in her, but also my son. He's a good kid too, and wouldn't be any trouble for her. Otherwise, I wouldn't dare consider it.

I like the idea of having her around for a day, and just watching her take care of him from a distance, then the next time, make a run to the store or something to see if she is comfortable.

Another thing - we wouldn't be more than 5mi. from home, and could get to her quickly. And as someone else said, her parents are right there.

When I wrote this, I really thought I'd get jumped on and had almost talked myself into believing it was a ridiculous idea.
I feel so much better now. Thank you everybody, for all of your support. You are really a great bunch of people! I promise to let you know what happens.

Anonymous said...

i started sitting at age 11. The first few times the parents remained in the house, but out of sight, then close by and only in the daytime, at night I would watch the kids at my parents where I was in charge but there were adults around. I was sitting completely solo by age 12 but I'm sure I'm not the norm. I'd encourage you to give her a trial run. If she's as good as you says she is, you'll get over her age pretty quick

Anonymous said...

I'd say go for it. Many girls that age are responsible enough to handle babysitting and do great at it. Just make sure she has someone close by she could call if needed. If she hasn't taken a cpr/first aid class, maybe you could pay for her to do that?

Anonymous said...

first, check to see if its legal for her to babysit. If it is and her parents are next door then you could run out for a few hours. Just like any other sitter ask that she is CPR/first aid certified. The local YMCA should have a teen babysitting class. I was babysitting at 11. It was only for the neighbors and my mom was nearby. You could also have her come over and be a mothers helper for a day so that you can go over everything with her.

Anonymous said...

Hi OP... I want to give you some very frank advice... even the most "mature" sounding 12 year old can turn into a 2 or 3 year old in a genuine emergency situation. Although they would not think this would be the case, and neither would you, are you willing to take the risk of whether or not this 12 year old will be competent to handle a serious emergency (i.e. CPR, or furniture falling on the kid, anything needing first aid knowledge). I would not feel comfortable leaving my child with someone who was not CPR and first aid, certified, and preferrably at least in their 20s. It is your choice, but in serious emergencies, while some kids can take on leadership positions and stay calm, other kids freak out and disengage...

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Hi OP... I want to give you some very frank advice... even the most "mature" sounding 12 year old can turn into a 2 or 3 year old in a genuine emergency situation. Although they would not think this would be the case, and neither would you, are you willing to take the risk of whether or not this 12 year old will be competent to handle a serious emergency (i.e. CPR, or furniture falling on the kid, anything needing first aid knowledge). I would not feel comfortable leaving my child with someone who was not CPR and first aid, certified, and preferrably at least in their 20s. It is your choice, but in serious emergencies, while some kids can take on leadership positions and stay calm, other kids freak out and disengage...

12:54 PM
re-post for anonymous!

Anonymous said...

In response to the 12:54 or anyone else. I too started babysitting at a young age. 12 I believe, but maybe even 11. I was always drawn to children/babies and the moms. I was hired by a police officer at 14 to watch his children. Every case is person to person. Some tweens/teens just have it in them to be great care takers. I bet some 12 year olds would play better with a 3 year old boy better than a 17 year old. I'm not saying you shouldn't be careful, dot all your Is and cross all your Ts..... but there are still those very capable. Also, you talk about how a 12 year old can become a 3 year old in an emergency situation. I always watched Rescue 911 and ready first aid books when I was younger and knew very well what to do in an emergency. Again it's a person to person situation. I know of plenty adults that would turn into a 3 year old in an emergency situation as well. Some people, no matter what age, can't handle situations like that.

Anonymous said...

I started babysitting at age 12. My very first job was actually for a 10 year old and an 8 year old and it was really weird because the 10 year old (boy) was taller than me! I don't think I babysat an infant until I was 13. But by the time I was in 8th grade I was regularly babysitting up to 5 kids at a time, infants, toddlers, older kids, you name it.

I was a good babysitter. Responsible. Trustworthy. Active. But honestly, I wouldn't have a 12-year-old babysit my infant. There are just too many things that *could* go wrong that a 12-year-old is not equipped to handle. I think a 12-year-old should only be in charge of preschool-age kids and above and there need to be very clear procedures in place for what to do if there is an emergency.

And, I think all babysitters should take a CPR and first aid course, you can take one as a kid, we did in 5th grade.

UNIDAD said...

Hi OP! My daughter turned 12 last December and took a babysitting course in June through the American Red Cross. The course included babysitting basics, CPR, Infant CPR and first aid. I NEVER would have let her babysit before taking this course. Since June, she has had quite a few babysitting jobs and has done well and is very happy with her jobs. My daughter is also very mature for her age, is always very responsible, she is in the national junior honor society and holds her grades at a 4.0 at all times - these are reasons we allow her to babysit. One extra thing we do for OUR peace of mind as well as the family she's babysitting for ~ we always make sure either my husband or I will be home the entire time she's babysitting. She's called with a few questions and she feels better knowing we can pop on over if there is an emergency.
I think you should give your neighbor a try - she sounds like a GEM! Good luck and take care!

Anonymous said...

I was babysitting @ 12. Just make sure to leave a list of what to do/who to call in case of emergency.

Courtney Kay said...

I began sitting at age 11! (4 girls ages 8, 6, 15 mo. and newborn)If she is the way you described her i say go for it!

Anonymous said...

Courtney Kay- your interest in children borders.... no CROSSES the line of creepiness and P.S. it's incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional for you to have any children that are not your own posted on the internet in ANY form.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

oh my gosh she's 12. sorry she's not mature, she just knows how to repeat what she's been around. maybe she could be a mother's helper while you're around. i would not leave your kid alone with someone that young because if anything went wrong you could carry the blame.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I have been baby-sitting since I was 12 as well. I am 25 now and still baby-sit for the family I started baby-sitting when I was 12. (Lucky for me, they have a new little one so they haven't outgrown me yet!). I met them through my Church and baby-sat the oldest who was 2 at the time and the youngest who was just 6 months during a Moms group meeting at the Church so they were able to get to know and trust me that way. A few months later, they asked me to watch the kids at their home and as I said, I've been with them ever since. Maybe you can try something like this? Have her watch the kids when you are just doing yard or house work, then maybe stretch it into when you are running errands to the grocery store or something. If all goes well, you'll probably feel more comfortable having her over for longer hours.

12:24 AM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!!!

Anonymous said...

"YoureOdd said...
Courtney Kay- your interest in children borders.... no CROSSES the line of creepiness and P.S. it's incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional for you to have any children that are not your own posted on the internet in ANY form."


You are WAY out of line! I saw NOTHING wrong with her Blog. She loves children.... that's ALL! Why would you say something so hurtful!?? You are an asshole, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Youreodd---Why did this have to take such a nasty turn? Like mom always said, "If you don't have something nice to say......"
I'd love to have a nanny like Courtney.

Anonymous said...

my first babysitting experience occurred when i was 13, a friend of my parents hired me to babysit their six month old son, which i did 2-3 nights a week. In retrospect, i was really young. But the mom had me come over a couple of times while she was there at first to show me how to properly feed and change his diaper. She always asked me to get there a few minutes before she had to leave so she could explain dinner to me. She also made sure the baby had had a bath, so i wouldnt have to do that. she left emergency numbers and told me to call her anytime, for anything. Made sure i had food for myself and the baby. The whole experience went really well, even though he was a bit fussy and needed to be held pretty much the entire time i was there. Hes now a healthy happy 7 year old, so i think it went well!

Anonymous said...

Um, its called child labor, and I think its illegal. Besides, why do you want to indoctrinate such a young girl into the soul-deadening wasteland that is care giving?

Anonymous said...

Omg meth, please tell me you are not a nanny.. or have any kids for that matter.