Sunday

Employer Upset That Nanny Is Intruding Upon Her Circle Of Friends

Received Sunday, November 16, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
I am so angry, I can hardly calm down. It all started innocently enough. My husband took the oldest out for a day of fun and I put the youngest down for a nap. Then I made a cup of tea and signed online to catch up on my email. My nanny emails me from time to time, reminding me of something she forgot to tell me on Friday or something upcoming. Occasionally, she will do the bulk forwards of jokes. I happened to read one of the jokes today and noticed familiar emails in the CC:. I cannot figure out how or why, but my nanny is emailing three mothers in my circle, three prominent mothers. She has never made mention of this. I don't know if my feelings are rational. I feel betrayed, left out and angry. Doesn't she have her own friends to email?

36 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Emily said...

I think that you need to calm down. Those 'prominent' mothers are basically the equivalent of your nanny's colleagues. She sees them every day at work and she apparently has exchanged email addresses with them. You are being, in my opinion, irrational and unnecessarily jealous. What do you have to lose from your nanny emailing people you know who have obviously given her their email addresses?

Is something you're not mentioning in this post going on between you and your nanny, because you seem to be totally blowing things out of proportion. I also wonder what led you to inspect the email list in the first place.

As a side note: I think forwarding emails to anyone but your absolute closest friends who would appreciate the message is very tacky, but lots of people don't feel the same way.

Also: Who doesn't blind cc their forward list? That's even more tacky!

Anonymous said...

What exactly is a 'prominent' mommy? That sounds so high school and 'cool kids'-like!

But seriously, the deal is, maybe your nanny spends more time with the other mothers than you do. Maybe they like her. You don't own your Nanny - people can make friends with her, and she can make friends with them, and getting uncomfortable with that shows your need to enforce class standards of 'lady' versus 'servant' instead of 'employer' and 'employee'. You don't get to dictate her friends, or her free time, and you cannot do the same for women you know.

Put away your insecurity - your nanny being friends with women you like is only a benefit for your own kids, who are more likely to get social time with the other kids if the moms like your nanny.


**This is Emily reposting for the comment above mine.**

Anonymous said...

Prominent mothers?
Snob. You're being ridiculous. I wonder too if there are other issues with your nanny that you haven't touched on. OR, maybe you just look at your nanny as inferior to you and your prominent friends.
Either way, what's the big deal?

Anonymous said...

Frankly, you seem kind of crazy.

Anonymous said...

You sound like you have serious jealousy issues if this makes you feel "betrayed, left out and angry." No, your feelings are not rational! Asking your nanny not to be friends with the moms she sees when she drops your kids off at playdates, birthday parties, etc, is as immature a thing as I have ever heard of. Also, referring to these three mothers as "prominent" is extremely juvenile. Are these mothers better, more important, more popular than the others? It sounds like you want them to like you better than they like your nanny. How high-school.

The ONLY reason I can think for you to be honestly upset (and not so much as you are, maybe irritated at best) is that you are afraid that your friends won't appreciate the bulk joke emails your nanny sends them and that it will reflect poorly upon you. If that was to be the case, get some new friends who don't judge you by the actions of someone who is not YOU.

Anonymous said...

So shes emailing other women? Why does that upset you? Is she sending them raunchy jokes? If not then why bother getting so upset? Isn't like heard enough without getting upset over something so trivial?

Anonymous said...

I am in a "mommys" playgroup even though I am a nanny. They don't treat me any differently because I am a nanny and a few of them I even hang out with on my off hours. I don't understand why you are upset? She is obviously spending time with them and YOUR children and it is natural that she may become friendly with them. Get a grip!

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

Thank you, Emily.

Anonymous said...

OP evidently believes in a division of class. Nannies are poor low-life's and shouldn't be allowed to mingle with rich, prominent women.

OP, you are a sad individual.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Seriously, OP, why is it you feel "left out"? You were on the email as well. What were you "left out" of?

Anonymous said...

number one: you're angry that the moms in the neighborhood like your nanny. question here is, why don't you want your nanny to be liked?

number two: you feel left out? You were emailed too, now it would be different if you had found the 'prominent' mothers' emails and saw that you weren't inolved. but guess what, you were, so get over it and smile that your nanny is friendly enough to involve not just you, but other ppl too.

number three: Why would your nanny need to tell you who she emails? Just because she works for you, doesn't mean she owes you any explaination of who she emails and so forth

number four: you feel betrayed. What in the world did your nanny do to betray you? Do you hold these 'prominant mothers' so close that they are not allowed to be friends with your nanny. stop treating your nanny like a lowly servant and get that stick out of your bumoley.

number five: Something to remember, when you're a nanny, you end up meeting SAHMs, other nannies, SAHDs, etc. Its only natural (and great!) that your nanny is actually making friends with these people. this shows that your 'prominant' mommies approve of your choice for a nanny and thats a heck of a lot better then them thinking bad things about said nanny.

number six: get therapy to deal with your jealousy issues. or just not have a nanny...sounds like you can't deal with the time she spends with your kids.

number seven: you are the kids mom. the nanny and no one else can replace that. remember that, know that your kids love you. also know that they can love you and their nanny too. its okay. oh, and the mommies can love you and the nanny too.

Anonymous said...

For the record, I despise mass joke e-mailings. I consider it junk, and trash it.. no matter who it's from.

To really??????
EXCELLENT post!

Anonymous said...

I love joke FWD e-mails, some of them are laugh out loud funny. I even suggest to people I know that they put me on their forward list. I love a good joke or a funny picture.

Anonymous said...

Hi OP--

I emphasize with your dillema. I don't think you are nutty. Try to calm down and see that it is a good thing your nanny is friends with your friends--- it means she loves you... and considers YOU her family. As for the prominent mommy comment-- did you mean prominent as in "cream of the crop" or prominet as in prominet figures in your life, (like those you hang out with the most??) I feel as though you meant the latter.
Anyhow, try not to be too upset. I understand you feel left out, but I really think she is friends with them through you and thats all. She knows YOU trust them, and therefore, SHE trusts them. Plus, she probably sees them often and probably has their emails for palydate arrangment.

Last idea: maybe your nanny just chose the "forward to all" option on her email... and thus everyone got the email... :P Have a good one. Don't be so sad :P

Anonymous said...

lovesthegirls

"I emphasize with your dillema."


You are so damn cute, heehee. I think you meant to say "empathize".

Anonymous said...

Pissed:

I did mean that lol. You see, I type on my laptop.. with my dog hanging his head on my wrist... not that it is an excuse for poor spelling and grammar, but that is why my spelling sucks "a" on this site... thanks for catching this :P

Anonymous said...

and as for that one... apparently, I really can't spell it.. lol.. now that I look at it, though, aI realize it is wrong and I spelled it as "emphahis" ins/of "sympathy" ha

Anonymous said...

"Prominent mothers" what the hell does that mean? Are there non-prominent moms. Do you mean that they are active in your community? Are they politicians? Are they diplomats who would rather remain off bulk email lists?

Relax, just ask dear old nanny to stop sending bulk emails, they are annoying anyway.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, loves the girls. I too was curious abut the "prominent" comment...but you have added another perspective. Maybe they are OPs best friends.

OP I would not worry. If one of my best friends had a nanny I would certainly befriend her and treat her also as a friend. Not to replace my friendship with my "BFF," but as an extension of our friendship because I value my friends' kids and I would just naturally want to be arond the person who is keeping them during the day. I would think my friend would also appreciate my being there as an extra set of loving eyes on her kids.

Don't worry. It may actually be a sign of deep friendship towards you that makes your friends welcome your kids and your nanny into their social circle even when you are not there.

I owuld not mention this to your friends or your nanny. They might all be offended at any suggestion of "betrayal."

Anonymous said...

OP sounds a bit jealous. ('Mom' is right....Maybe these moms think you just have a really great nanny, and see her as an extension of you?) You should feel proud. It sounds like you made a decent choice for a nanny if everyone likes her.
BUT, the bulk e-mails? I really do hate those, too. That's kind of tacky.
If you feel the need to do so, ask one of your mom friends if it bothers her, and if it does, approach your nanny gently and let her know it's not something a lot of people like.

Anonymous said...

Probably not a big deal-u know how forwards go, no real thinking behind who you're sending it to. I'm sure they got on her email list bc of playdate info, etc.

Anonymous said...

obviously they gave her their email addresses, so i am thinking that the feeling is mutual between them all...in that they want to communicate with your nanny. don't worry, they won't talk about you...........unless you have something to hide?

Anonymous said...

I would be furious if I found out my nanny was emailing in bulk capacity, or otherwise, anyone in my set of friends. If my nanny needed to communicate with a non nanny for purposes of the job, I as, the child's mother will initiate or forward contact.

Anonymous said...

Of course you would "h". That's because you are a neurotic control freak and probably think you are within your legal rights to peruse your nanny's diary.

OP, you have major issues with jealousy, control, and insecurity. Who your nanny emails (and who exchanges email addresses with your nanny) is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And I had the same thought as mom, that your friends probably feel you have a good nanny and respect her, or they would not want to give her their email addresses. That's a good thing, and my advice is to not screw it up by caving in to your own irrationalities.

Anonymous said...

I bet if you quit being a miserable bitch your friends would like you as much as they like your nanny.

Anonymous said...

If you feel stupid about asking your nanny, you could always ask the "prominent mothers" if they are aquainted with your nanny in some way. Maybe there is a good explanation. No need to get angry in advance :)

Anonymous said...

Through my years of nannying for the same family, I knew practically every family at the children's school - moms, dads, siblings, and other nannies. I was the one at school functions like the Christmas concert, the bake sale, and the carpool line. I arranged the playdates. I remembered the kids' birthdays and shopped for presents to take to the parties.

Through all of that interaction I got to be friends with all of the moms and nannies in that circle. I had everyone's contact info, numbers, etc. I added the families to my holiday card list. And when moms needed a babysitter for the occasional Friday or Saturday night, they called my cell or emailed me. My boss LOVED how I fit right in with the community and the other families. It's a sign that you picked a wonderful nanny - all of your friends and their children love her!

After I stopped working for the family, even, I kept in contact with all of my 'mom friends'...and my boss! I email them interesting childcare articles and still babysit for everyone regularly. My (now former) boss always liked that I was so friendly and chummy with everyone. It's trust and affection and genuine care for all of the children and their families in that community.

You sound like a snob and a half. "So upset you can't speak", blah blah blah?? Get a life, lady. Apparently you have a great, friendly, outgoing nanny. That seems like a good thing to me. I'd be angry if none of my "prominent" girlfriends liked my nanny - because that's a sign that she is unfriendly, withdrawn, or just plain doesn't care.

Anonymous said...

i'm a nanny and all my boss's "friends" are really her frenemies. they take me to starbucks and do nice things for me and talk to me alot. they are always looking for the scoop on the paltry goings ons at the place i work. and boy do i have some stories.

Anonymous said...

Scarsdale,
I think you hit the nail on the head. OP is afraid her nanny is going to reveal her dark ugly secrets to the "prominent mothers". LOL

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Is this the OP from the thanksgiving pickle? Or is there another snobby toad around here that thinks the help shouldn't be mixing with her kind?

Donna said...

Wow, op. Get over it. There are so many more important things to worry about in this world. If she's taking care of your children, who cares about anything else? You are clearly a snobby, rich woman, with nothing better to do.

Anonymous said...

This is for you Bella! Do you even have a nanny? It doesn´t seem like you understand our world at all. And of course there are a lot of other things to worry about, but if you are so concerned with the world situation, you should go out and help the poor instead of sitting at home blogging!

Anonymous said...

Why so hostile? Isn´t it great that you all get along? If the woman who takes care of your kids also get along with your friends, isn´t that a good sign?