Received Monday, September 22, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
In a household that consists of two parents, two children of germ spreading age and one nanny who lives in during the week, only; how coincidental would you estimate it to be that the last three times the nanny was ill, no one else in the house was ill, except the husband who was affected by the same symptoms and disease? As I write this, my husband has a suspicious case of raging conjunctivitis, the nanny does not; but I cannot help but wonder what got in DH's eye. Am I overreacting? Would I be as suspicious if nanny was not a young twenties knockout?
23 comments:
If you live in close proximity like you guys do it's not unusual for people to get sick.
Maybe your kids are resilient and don't get sick, maybe your husband and nanny aren't.
I'm always sick and so is my boss, but that doesn't mean I'm sleeping with him. It means we are in the same house sharing the same germs day in and day out.
You and your husband need to have a serious talk about all of this. Your relationship isn't going to last if you don't think you can trust him.
If this is the only reason you have to suspect something, the you seem to be in a bad, kind of paranoid place. Is there someone objective you can talk to before you hurt your marriage, your nanny's career or both?
OP, I can totally relate. One year, several years back, I became rather jealous of my hubby and his attention to and from other women. It was unnatural for me, not having ever been a jealous wife. I really could not figure out why things like that started to bother me all of a sudden. Fast forward 6 months. I discovered hubby was carrying on an internet "fling" with someone he'd gone to high school with. Women seem to sometimes have suspicions that they fail to recognize. Lots of times, there are subtle changes in the hubby that you may not notice at first. Like Emily said, if this is the only reason you have suspicions, it could be aa slight case of paranoia. However, I tend to think that some of the time, there is a reason for suspicions, though the wife may not know it yet. I resolved my conflict with my hubby with some SERIOUS talking, a little counseling and a lot of forgiveness. Try talking with your hubby, that's the only thing that will either confirm your suspicions or make you laugh at yourself for thinking such thoughts. Good luck to you!
I am a strong believer in your internal instints....and you may be right about this. You also may be wrong. My advice: Be aware and see if any other "coincidences" occur. Right now, it could be too early to tell and you may be overreacting. But you may also be on to something so take a wait and see attitude before you accuse anyone, because if you do end up wrong, then your marriage and your nanny/children's relationships may be damaged beyond repair. (In other words, the children will lose the most)!
I personally would not want a live-in "knock out" nanny if I was married. I know...I know...I should trust my husband, etc. However,it would always be on my mind...what they would be doing if I was not at home. In theory, I should not worry since I should trust my hubby, however in reality I know that men love beautiful women...and one who lives w/us would only make me insecure. Remember Jude Law? Enough said.
Get a nanny cam that observes them when you are gone if you want solid proof to get rid of the insecurity.
My boss just got sick and I did too... I assure you I wasn't making out with her. :)
Not too sure on this one.
Once my bf, myself, and our mutual male friend went camping- me and our friend ended up with headaches, bug bites all over our bodies, and were so tired the next day we couldn't get up, and slept the day away. My boyfriend was fine, up and swimming in the river, leaving us in the tent alone.
Had I been in his shoes, or in your shoes, I'd sure be suspicious.
I can see perfectly WHY you'd wonder, but I can also see how it could be completely innocent and they just both happen to have week immune systems. (Or they both over react about illness.) I'd talk to your husband about this if it really bugs you.
there does seem to be a connection- - often when there is smoke there is fire
I think it's you with the problem and you need to talk to your husband about it before (as others have said) it ruins your marriage and nannys career. They might just not have a strong immune system and get colds or whatever easier. I wouldn't worry to much unless the symptoms they are both getting relate to any STD's.
I guess it doesn't sound strange to me, but only because my rationale is that men tend to not wash their hands as much, enabling them to pick up germs more likely. Perhaps this nanny also does not keep very good hygiene?
Keep an eye on it. (no pun intended...)
Here is one possibility. Your nanny is vigilant (or should be) about hand washing, your husband is not. She doesn't spread what she catches to the children, and sees to it that they wash their hands as well. Your husband picks up conjunctivitis by rubbing his eyes with his dirty hands, and handles things the nanny handles that the children do not, so she catches what he brings home.
And wives, unless you are married to a super handsome and wealthy movie star, relax. Hot twenty something nannies think your middle aged husband is old and stodgy.
If you are questioning your trust for your hubby, you might have bigger issues at hand than the pink eye.
Do you have other reasons to worry? If you are having questions because of other situations, then I would definitely want your husband and your nanny more often. But if this is the only reason, maybe pay more attention but there are reasons for it. Obviously, the disease has to come from somewhere, so it could be your children being carriers from school but then the nanny and your husband being the ones who get it. Living in the same house and sharing the same space can easily be the reason they are sharing the same diseases. You just may not have as weak of immune system as the two of them do.
oh hell yah. he is diddling the nanny for sure. i think he has VD in his eye.
Theresa, nanny in San Diego and Marissa all wrote very insightful posts. So just put me down for what they said.
Often jealous feelings do come from a 6th sense and are right on, even if there is no perceptible evidence. Sometimes a person is just insecure. If you are not typically insecure, I would be more concerned. Keep an eye out....
Just to let you know, I sometimes get the same things as the dad I work for and we don't even stand that close to each other.
I think it has to do with the amount of sleep we get, the way our bodies handle illness, and the fact that we are both in closest contact with the youngest germ-spreader.
I think it has more to do with how much you trust your husband. Anyone who has trust issues will FIND things to be supsicious of, whether they are evident or not.
You have to look into your own reasons for not trusting him. Either he has done this before or you have. Why else would you have doubts?
What is your gut telling you? If you really think they are having an affair, talk to your husband and get rid of the nanny if they are.
I smell a troll....
How does that oldies son go--"if you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife, get an ugly girl to marry you." Same goes for the nanny sweetheart!
your husband is doing the nanny,
I freaking LOVE that song.
Thanks for cluing me in on the lyrics.
I always thought it went, "if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a victim out of your wife, something, something, door...
OP,
We are all eager to know what you thought of our advice or if you have given any more thought to the situation between your husband and nanny.
Please update us.
I'd consider the following:
Chlamydial Conjunctivitis?
An infection of the inner lid, which typically affects sexually active teens and young adults. Chlamydia is considered one of the major sexually-transmitted pathogens. Women seem to be more susceptible than men. This infection also affects infants whose mothers have untreated chlamydial conjunctivitis. The incidence of infection seems to be directly related to sexual activity.
Signs & symptoms?
Persistent eye infection (lasting 3 weeks or more) with mucus discharge.
Systemically, signs and symptoms may include a history of vaginitis, pelvic inflammatory disease or urethritis.
The main complaint concerning ocular signs and symptoms is an eye infection that has persisted for over three weeks despite treatment with topical antibiotics.
Gonococcal Conjunctivitis?
Also a sexually-transmitted ocular disease. Even casual interaction with infected individuals has been reported as a cause. Newborn infants can acquire this infection by passing through an infected birth canal. This is a very contagious ocular disease.
Signs and symptoms:
Red eye with foreign body sensation. The eye might be shut with substantial pus discharge. The incubation period is generally two to seven days
Eeep! OP, this is circumstantial evidence at best and nothing to build a case on...
But, like a bunch of other people have suggested, maybe you have other reasons for being paranoid? Don't ignore your gut feeling, unless you have a history of insecurity issues with DH.
No offense to all you hot nannies out there, but I think the ideal nanny is a grandmotherly Mrs Doubtfire type - staid and matronly!! (: (:
Paprebag princess,
You realize Mrs. Doubtfire had a secret penis, right? Other than that, I think you're right on!
If I ever had a live in nanny, I'd prefer a lumpy in some of the wrong places one...with a face like a sweet, but wrinkly, grandma.
;)
Yup, wrinkly and sweet = ideal. And secret peen - all the better!!!!
(:
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