What Would Be a Fair Amount?

I'm a nanny for my cousin and her husband in the Madison, Wi area. I have my own room and I share the guest bathroom. I watch their 1 year old daughter from 8am to about 3pm. They do provide my food (and toilet paper since I share the bathroom with guests) but I pay for everything else on my own. Currently, they're paying me $50 a week, I don't think that's even close to enough, but since they're family I'm a little scared to say anything without having something to back me up. Can anyone help to let me know what a fair amount would be?

Poopy Pants

Hi everyone! I have a rather common problem about potty accidents, and a rather interesting pattern of when it occurs. Now I am wondering how to resolve this issue.

I work in an after-school program with children ages 5-12. The school age children are divided into two groups: one group, which is kindergarten-2nd grade and 3rd-5th grade. Due to the size of the classroom, and the amount of children (specifically kindergarteners) that are enrolled, the kindergarteners are divided up between myself and my co-teacher. Everything is going great: I love my co-teacher, who is awesome, and the children are great listeners. I genuinely love this age group, and I missed working with them, as I had 4 year olds this summer.

This is my issue: I have a 6 year old in my class who poops in his pants. He had accidents last year during 4 year old kindergarten, usually pee, and sometimes poop. This past summer, I remember him having quite a few accidents with poop. Within the last week, he has had an accident (poop) everyday. This means that I have to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, which literally takes me out of the classroom away from the other kids, make sure that he cleans himself properly, and get on with my afternoon. I will ask him if he needs to poop, and he will tell me he doesn't. Yesterday was gross: we were outside playing "Red Light, Green Light" and when it was time to go inside, I smelled something as he walked past me. Once we got to the classroom, I sent him to the bathroom and I was right. Poop in his pants, again, and it was fresh, meaning that he had recently pooped. I cleaned him up, due to the fact that he had poop on the toilet seat from wiping himself.

Yesterday, I made a mental note as to what we were doing and what time he pooped. I realized that between 4p-430p like clockwork, he has an accident. I send him to the bathroom upon arrival to the center from school, and today I sat him on the toilet around 4p for 15 minutes, to see if he would poop. I checked the underwear, and sure enough, he started pooping in his pants prior to sitting on the toilet. I explained to him that poop needs to go in the toilet and not our pants. He cried while he sat there, and kept insisting he didn't have to poop, yet I also knew that if didn't sit, he would most likely have an accident.

All children have accidents, especially if they aren't potty trained. Some children have accidents because they are so engrossed in their play they may "forget" or not realize they have to go potty. So what exactly are you supposed to do when a potty trained 6 year old has an accident everyday? Does it frustrate me? Yes, because I have to take the time to clean him up, search for clean clothes, and baby wipes, which takes away from my class. My bosses can't come into my classroom everyday to step in for me to clean this child up. Secondly, I do not see why a potty trained child of this age should be having accidents like this. I have discussed this with Mom and Dad. Mom says "we will talk to him", blah blah blah. Dad and I had a conversation this evening, and Dad pointed out that change is difficult for him, so I am wondering if the transition from 4K to summer to kindergarten/after school care is doing a number on him, and pooping is his way of adjusting? I mentioned to Dad that I have him go potty once he arrives at the center, and that I sat him on the toilet for 15 minutes around 4p and Dad said that was fine. The other thing Dad suggested was that maybe he isn't going at school, at which point I mentioned to Dad to email his teacher, and ask if he can go every so often. The problem is when you ask this child if he has to go he will say no, then he has an accident. In other words, he has to be forced to go, or he will be changing his clothes.

This may be a dumb question, but how I do know that these accidents aren't done on purpose? I would think that they are not, however, this child does have a history of inappropriate behavior he thinks is perfectly acceptable and funny. I studied 4 semester of psychology and remember a term called Encopresis (I think that's how it's spelled) covered in Abnormal Psychology which is the clinical term for children over 5 years who poop in their pants.

I know it's part of the job, everyone poops. I am just frustrated about cleaning up a child who is old enough not to have accidents.

Bad Review Leaves Nanny in a Lurch

I have a question/concern and was wondering what the parents and nannies alike on here think. I have been using sittercity since 2007 to land nanny jobs and I have met some awesome families to work for on this site. I have never had issues with any of the multiple families I have met on here and am one of the top-rated nannies in my area. Last week, I corresponded with a mother who tried to basically nickel and dime me and I decided amicably that it was not a good match for us and told her I thought it was best I continued my search and she did as well. We never interviewed...we only corresponded via sittercity.

Well today I check my profile and I see that she wrote me a horrendous review and gave me one star. She stated that I was a flake, unreliable and was only interested in the money issue of being a Nanny, that I specifically told her I didn't even like children!! All of these are empty lies! I think she just is angry because I wouldn't work for her for what she was offering me...$7/Hr for two children, one infant and one toddler. I submitted a response to her review and tried to say my side of the story. I didn't sling any mud and was very respectful of her opinion even though I didn't agree with it.

My question to all of you is, as a parent how bad would ONE review in 4 yrs affect you hiring a potential nanny? I really depend on this website to find jobs and now I feel like no one will even consider me. Is there a way to get a bad review removed? Have any of you nannies been in this situation before? Thanks in advance for all your advice. I wrote the woman on sittercity and asked if we could talk it out, however I haven't and do not expect to hear from her again since she knows she lied.

Appropriate Gift Ideas for MB's Birthday?

Hi, I'm an afterschool nanny for a family and we all get along great - thank God! The family is super nice, and the kids are great... despite some natural frustrations. The mom's birthday is coming up next week, and I was wondering if I should get her a gift? She bought me a hoodie/pants set from Gap (like the soft sort of yoga pants kind) for mine, and the kids made me cards. She also is super lenient and normal.. Maybe I should just make a cake? I want to be nice but not inappropriate.

Thank You, MB

Dear MB - I have been with your family for three weeks, and it feels longer than that. I wanted to let you know what a wonderful person you are, and that you are amazing. As a high matienence child turned adult with special needs, I remember the level of energy it took from the adults in my life due to my moving in a different direction than my peers. As a mother, you are amazing-the way you handle your special needs child with the gluten and dairy free diet, along with your gentle, welcoming personality makes you a pleasure to work for!

Although I am only there 4-5 hours one day a week, which is used by you to run errands, volunteer at the siblings' school, and have "mommy time", I love working for you. Things have been working out great so far, and I love your DC. She is the sweetest child, with her own unique way of communicating due to her special need. Today the goal of potty training was being worked on; I arrived this morning and A wasn't wearing a Pull-Up. I was so happy when she used the potty! I learn so much about her from the therapists who take the time to explain to me how to work with her and children similar in need. Figuring out your "high tech" washing machine gave me a laugh for the day as I pushed a button and waited for the cycle to start after throwing A's bedding in following an accident.

I want to thank you for coming into my life and giving me the opportunity to work for you. It has been an educational experience that I will always remember.

Library on East 67th Street, NY

Parents: does your nanny take your kids to the Library on East 67th Street, across from St. Catherines Park?

On any given afternoon, one finds at least a dozen nannies congregating there, chatting amongst themselves (loudly), while the toddlers in their care wander about unattended. You might want to have a peek!

A nanny by the name of Amanda H****, recently working for us in the West Village, abruptly stopped showing up for work abandoning our newborn after requesting an advance in salary. Her cell phone has been since disconnected and she has not been found. If you hire Amanda H**** you are making a mistake and putting your child at risk! (Full name of Nanny is available if needed)

8:00 a.m. Arrive for the day and let myself in through the unlocked front door.

8:02 a.m. Dad and Big Brother are in the kitchen eating breakfast. Mom is upstairs nursing Little Sister. Dad and I exchange pleasantries and Dad goes upstairs for the day (he works out of his home office). I put my lunch in the fridge and chat with Big Brother about the storm last night while unloading the dishwasher. “I was thinking about you because I know you don’t like to hear those big rumbles!”. He replies that he was scared and that the thunder woke him up and he couldn’t get back to sleep; the dark circles under his eyes give mute testimony to this claim.

8:10 a.m. I remember from the note in his backpack yesterday that today is Big Brother’s turn to provide the food for snack time at his preschool. I see him about to wander away from his half-eaten oatmeal and peaches to go play. I say, “Big Brother, if you do a good job finishing all the things you need to do before we have to leave for school, I’ll let you choose the snack for your class and help me pack it up!”. He is psyched and returns to the table to finish eating.

8:20 a.m. Mom arrives downstairs with Little Sister and we exchange pleasantries. She puts Little Sister in her high chair and makes a cup of tea before going back upstairs. Little Sister cries for Mom. I distract her into giggles by placing a dishtowel over my head and blowing it repeatedly to make it puff out, then acting exaggeratedly startled when it falls to the floor. I sprinkle some Cheerios on her tray and begin pulling things out of the fridge and pantry to offer Big Brother some appropriate choices for his snack time selection.

8:25 a.m. I gather up the children’s shoes and jackets, restock the contents of the diaper bag, and click Little Sister’s empty car seat into its base in my car. Return to the kitchen to wipe off Little Sister’s hands and face, then change her diaper while singing “Hey Diddle Diddle” to her. Her favorite part is when I stop before the words “moon” and “spoon” so she can fill them in for me. Her proud grin as she does so just melts my heart.

8:35 a.m. Get Little Sister settled in the living room with some toys and check on Big Brother. He has left his empty dishes on the breakfast table and is absorbed in taping together a series of empty paper towel tubes with masking tape to make a telescope. I say, “Come on, Poky Puppy! Better brush teeth and get dressed so you have time to pick out snacks!”. He abandons his project and dashes clumsily upstairs. I remind him, “Oh, I love it when you walk!”

8:40 a.m. Mom comes back downstairs, and kisses the children goodbye. I am prepared to distract, but they handle the transition well today.

8:50 a.m. Big Brother has returned downstairs and picked out the snack, and we pack it up. I suggest that he use the bathroom while I put Little Sister in her car seat, cover her with her jacket, and give her a paci. Then I help Big Brother on with his jacket, buckle him in, toss in the diaper bag and tote bag of snacks, and we’re off.

9:00 a.m. I tell Big Brother I have a special surprise for him. (On my iPod I downloaded an app that plays thunderstorms like a white noise to help you fall asleep). I ask him if he would like to listen to a thunderstorm IN THE CAR EVEN WHEN IT’S SUNNY OUTSIDE! He is intrigued and agrees. I say that every time we hear a big clap of thunder, we’re just going to laugh at it. We enjoy this game the whole ride there, and he follows my lead: (Sarcastically) “OOOOH thunder! That is SO [not] scary!” (Playfully) “Yeah... umm... thunder? Maybe make it louder, I didn’t quite hear that!” (Mockingly) “Oh thunder! I would be scared if you could hurt me but you CAN’T! You are just NOISE!” We laugh and laugh!

9:15 a.m. I drop off Big Brother in a good mood at pre-school and turn on some Beatles for Little Sister to listen to on the ride home.

9:20 a.m. I stop off at Target to pick up some Q-Tips that Big Brother and I will need for this afternoon’s art project. I stop by the toy aisles and let Little Sister get out of the cart for a while, showing her the toys I think will interest her the most and letting her explore them.

9:50 a.m. We arrive home and I let Little Sister “help” me clean up the kitchen from breakfast and fill the cat’s food and water bowls. Then in the basement she “helps” me put in a load of cloth diapers. Back in the kitchen, I place Little Sister in the high chair and offer her yogurt and a banana. Hungry, she digs in. Eventually she loses interest in eating the yogurt but wants to “fingerpaint” with it... I marvel at just how messy this can be but enjoy watching Little Sister so absorbed and content.

10:15 a.m. I clean up the mess and take Little Sister upstairs to read a couple of library books. I change her diaper, give her a paci, pull down the room-darkening shades, turn on the white noise machine, and rock her in the rocking chair while singing to her. I love the warm heaviness of her deeply-relaxed limbs draped over me... the softness of her trust and the scent of last night’s baby shampoo... this is one of my favorite parts of the day. Occasionally she pats my arm and I kiss the top of her head. Finally, reluctantly, I put her in her crib and cover her up. She is relaxed and drowsy, and doesn’t make a peep as I head downstairs.

10:45 a.m. Down time! I get a snack out of my lunch box and settle in on the sofa with the baby monitor nearby. Time to check my email and surf for a while.

11:15 a.m. I rummage through the fridge to see what choices I can give Big Brother for lunch, then prepare Beef Stroganoff and put it in the crockpot for tonight’s dinner.

11:45 a.m. Little Sister is still asleep and it’s time to pick up Big Brother. I check with Dad to make sure it’s OK to leave Little Sister behind with him; he says no problem. I switch the diapers to the dryer and head to the pre-school.

12:00 noon I pick up Big Brother and we chat about his morning on the way home. I ask him if the children liked the snacks he picked out (they loved them!), who was the line leader (Jeremy), did they get to play outside (yes), what book did they read during story time (he forgot), what was his favorite part of the morning (he doesn’t know), etc. He is tired and has lost interest in the conversation and begs to listen to the indoor thunderstorm again, so we ride the rest of the way home mocking the rumbles. I enjoy his snarkitude and hope that it will help prepare him to endure the next “real” thunderstorm.

12:20 p.m. We get home and Little Sister is still asleep. Unusual. I gently smooth back her curls to feel her forehead but she has no fever.

12:30 p.m. I suggest that Big Brother wash his hands as I go through his backpack and post the parent-teacher conference request form on the kitchen bulletin board. I ask Big Brother if he wants some leftover chicken and mashed potatoes from their dinner the night before, or if he would prefer I make him a turkey and cheese quesadilla. He picks the quesadilla and after I’ve pulled out all the ingredients we’ll need, I hear Little Sister on the monitor.

12:40 p.m. Upstairs, I pull up the shades, turn off the white noise machine, and change Little Sister’s diaper while distracting her from squirming by coaching her to point to her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. I bring her downstairs, and put her in the high chair with some toys. She is fussy and I know she’s hungry, but Mom will be home soon and will want to nurse her, so I distract her from a feeding.

12:50 p.m. I let Big Brother sprinkle turkey and cheese on a tortilla and top it with another tortilla. I heat the whole thing up in the skillet, quarter it, and serve it along with a fresh strawberry-and-grape kabob.. I ask him if strawberries are a fruit or a vegetable and am proud when he answers correctly. We talk about the seeds of a strawberry and how different it is that they are on the outside of the fruit instead of the usual inside of the fruit.

1:00 p.m. Dad comes downstairs, prepares himself a sandwich and drink, and disappears back upstairs to eat lunch in his office.

1:05 p.m. Mom arrives home and nurses Little Sister while talking to Big Brother about his morning at school. I mention about the parent-teacher conference request form on the bulletin board to make sure Mom notices it later. We chat about what our plans for the upcoming weekend.

1:15 p.m. I take the children outside for a nature walk while Mom eats lunch. Last night’s rain has resulted in damp and muddy grounds, and -- to Big Brother’s delight -- big fat worms on the sidewalk. Little Sister squeals when one wriggles under her touch. They both stomp their rain boots in every puddle we can find. Baths are definitely in the forecast!

1:45 p.m. Mom wants to update me on various details for next week, including a pediatrition appointment for Little Sister and a swim lesson for Big Brother. The children play in the background and I sense a conflict brewing. I excuse myself momentarily to ask Big Brother to gather the library books from his room so we can return them later in the afternoon, then resume my conversation with Mom.

1:55 p.m. Mom makes herself some tea, then says goodbye to the children and heads out the door on her way back to work.

2:00 p.m. I settle Big Brother in with a quiet-time video, take Little Sister upstairs, change her diaper, repeat the naptime ritual, then return downstairs to clean up the kitchen and eat my own lunch.

2:30 p.m. After Big Brother helps me fold the clean diapers and put them away, we work on today’s art project using Q-Tips to make a miniature meadow of pussy willows. He asks me why they are called “Q-Tips”, and thanks to Google, we learn that the “Q” stands for “quality” and the word “tips” describes the cotton swab at the end of the stick. I challenge him that if he can memorize how to spell “quality” and can spell it for me when I return Monday morning, I will have a little treat for him. He is all for it!

3:10 p.m. I hear Little Sister awake on the monitor. Dad texts me that he will change her diaper and bring her with him when he comes downstairs to make his daily afternoon cup of espresso.

3:15 p.m. I prepare guacamole and chips for the children and we play one of their favorite goofy games, “Freeze! Unfreeze!”, while they giggle and eat.

3:30 p.m. I ask Big Brother to put the library books he had gathered earlier into my car while I get Little Sister and the diaper bag loaded in.

3:40 p.m. We arrive at the library and Big Brother confidently steps into the elevator and proudly presses the correct button for the Children’s Section. We greet Mrs. W. (the leader of the weekly storytime that we attend) and she asks Big Brother if there is anything in particular he is looking for today. While they discuss his interests, I help Little Sister into the enormous padded play area with some books and begin searching for this week’s selection of books.

4:00 p.m. I bring Big Brother and Little Sister to the computer area and we are captivated by some “Arthur” computer games.

4:30 p.m. We return home from the library and I change Little Sister’s diaper while she “reads” one of her new library books. I read their new library books to them while sitting on the couch. This is another one of my favorite parts of the day! I am impressed when Little Sister can point to almost everything I ask her to, and I compliment Big Brother on his patience with her when she kept trying to grab the book for herself.

5:10 p.m. I update the daily on-line log for Mom and Dad to reflect what we did all day, then prepare for the end-of-day transition. The Beef Stroganoff smells heavenly, the children are content, and I am ready to go home!

5:30 p.m. Dad comes downstairs and we all say our goodbyes. I wish them all a good weekend, and head home.

Why Do Some Moms Avoid Nannies Like The Plague?

Hi ISYN, I was wondering if you could post this question to your readers (specifically the moms out there). I have been a nanny for over 10 years now and I absolutely love it! For the most part all of the families I have worked for have been wonderful (though there has been some "horror" stories) and all the children I cared for have been great and left an imprint on my heart. I love my profession and wouldn't change it for the world. But I have a question for all the moms out there.

In all my years of being a nanny I notice a common "theme". While at parks, playgroups, or general outings I would strike up conversations with various moms. The conversations start great but the minute I mention that I am not my charge's mother the conversations stops almost immediately and then I am avoided like the plague. It seems as though once they find out I am the nanny I am "beneath" them. Or just because I am the nanny I cannot carry out an intelligent conversation (which is odd because just minutes before we were having a great conversation).

Usually at the playground it seems like there are 2 groups: the moms and the nannies. The moms tend to clique up and the nannies do the same. I personally never grouped myself into either, as I am usually busy with my charges, but now and then I will strike up conversations with other adults. I know being a nanny is not about conversations with adults but I am just curious why mothers tend to avoid conversing with nannies. I do not take offense to it so I am not whining/complaining. I know I am intelligent and all around awesome so it's their loss for dismissing me. I am just genuinely curious why mothers tend to do this.

In my years of being a nanny, I even had mothers remove themselves and children away from me and my charge after they found out I was the nanny! I am then left with a confused child who doesn't understand why their new friend was moved to the other side of the playgroup to sit with the other mothers with children. It's heartbreaking to witness! I would also like to add not all mothers do this so I am not lumping all mothers in the same boat. It's just that a majority of the mothers have this "attitude" towards nannies. I've spoken with other nannies before about this and they've also expressed how they were treated differently after they revealed that they were not the mother of the child.

So if any moms out there have some feedback to this type of behavior that would be great! Also, I would love to hear nannies' perspectives/stories about this subject.

"Am I Cutting Off My Nose to Spite My Face?"

This might be too long of a story/question, but found your website several months ago and have enjoyed the advice of your readers for some unusual situations and hoping you can help me with mine.

I hired a nanny in January 2010 to care for my 6 month old son. She was the daughter of a friend of my mom's from her work who had experience working in a childcare center but no real formal training or nanny experience. She wanted to do a nanny share so we found another couple with a daughter about my son's age and we shared for nearly a year when our share dissolved on friendly terms because we had another baby and the other family was also expecting another. During the time of our share we paid $9 for hours that were shared and $12/hr for any hours the nanny just had our child. Most of the time she had both, so she generally was making $18/hr for 2. Everything was informal, no contract, cash under the table. No paid sick or vacation leave but if we cancelled or took vacation we still paid her our usual rate. I had planned a 6 month maternity leave so we parted ways with our nanny and my husband and I began mulling over options for care. When our former nanny found out we were looking into these options, she approached us about nannying for both of our children. We talked it over and decided to hire her.

When we put together our "contract" it was fairly informal, via email. It was basically that she work for us 4 days per week, 9 hour days for a "salary" that worked out to $17/hr for both kids. She wanted it to be "legal" so we paid our half of her taxes, paid an agency to handle the payroll, gave her 2 weeks paid vacation (one of her request, one of ours and both after 6 months of employment). Any hours over 36/week we paid her cash $15/hr (we did this because it made it easier from an accounting perspective and cost us less to use the payroll service to have it the same each time). We agreed that she would "accrue" sick leave at the rate of 5 hrs/month and if she didn't use it she could carry it over to the next year or be paid out at her hourly rate of $17/hr. In the year she worked for us previously she only called in sick twice.

A month into our contract she approached us saying that the money wasn't enough and she wanted to do another share to make more money. We discussed it and told her that until our second son was at least a year, we'd prefer to not have another child in the mix. She pushed back saying she was making less overall, particularly because of the tax issue (her choice, mind you...) We agreed that we could do a trial with another family but when it came down to it she wanted to find another family with kids the same age (note I said "kids"...she wanted TWO more in her care), didn't want to reduce the rate we paid her, and basically wanted to make $36/hr to care for 4 children. We put our foot down and a week later she came to us saying she'd found another position. She agreed to a month's notice because the other family didn't need her yet and we needed to arrange other care. The second week of our last month together she came down with something and took a week off. Because she had only accrued 8 hours at this point we told her it would be fine, we'd keep her pay the same, but that she could just pay us back for the hours by working a few extra days (I normally didn't work Fridays) so I could get caught back up at work after missing the week she was away. She agreed that we were "owed" 3 Fridays.

Come the end of our contract, she had an excuse as to why she couldn't work 2 of the 3 Fridays I requested, in her new job she worked M-F. I decided to write it off, it wasn't worth the hassle, and besides being a bit grabby, she had been good to our children and we would just consider this a parting gift of sorts and remain on good terms since my boys loved her.

Fast forward AGAIN and her position didn't work out. We had been using my cousin to babysit and are now again at the point of weighing options because she is moving back home and we are ultimately landing an au pair, but we need a couple of months to put this in motion. So she approached us AGAIN (my mom talks to her mom at work) and wondered if we'd want her to watch the kids while we wait for the au pair to arrive. Cash under the table. We thought it was a great option, figuring that she was known to our boys, would take good care of them, and we wouldn't have to train her or anything. Then she tells us that her rate is now $22/hr for 2 kids, and doesn't mention at all that she still technically owes us 2 days of work (although I never would have made her "repay" at this point, you'd think she'd at least take our generosity into account and not try to charge us $5/hr more than she was 5 months ago!!) I told her this was outside of our price range and she said "well, that's what you'll pay an agency if you don't hire me".

We are not sure what to do about this. I could use an agency for about the same price but the nanny I get would be a gamble. We are thinking that it will be at least 2 months before we match with an au pair, get the house ready, etc. I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face, but I feel pretty annoyed at how much she has jacked up her prices and her comment about the agency. She's a good nanny but no formal education in childcare, she REFUSES to do any housework besides cooking kids' meals (won't even load the dishwasher). I just feel like it might be time to cut bait. Am I being unreasonable? I hate to be perceived as "cheap" because I obviously would invest whatever I could for good childcare for my boys, but I think that for her background, skills, and experience, she is asking too much. We live in Seattle and $22 is pretty high end for 2 kids, I believe. Many of my friends pay around $15-17 depending on age of kids.

I'd love some nanny perspective here!

Note the oldest one has something scheduled every day, so some of the hours may be tweeked, but this is the overall day:

3:00 Talk to the morning nanny, 2 year old may or may not be asleep
3:15 Greet the 6 and 4 year old as the mother brings them home
3:20 Run around make sure the 6 year old is done with the bathroom and does homework
3:45 Make sure 6 y.o. eats a snack and is ready to leave for that days activity, put TV on for 4 year old's rest time
3:50 Wait by back door for mom to drive her
4:00 Mom yells at me to get the 6 y.o. in the car because she is running late
4:30 Wake up 2 year old if she is sleeping by placing her in front of the TV while 4 year old is resting/watching tv
5:00 Snack time (fruit or gold fish)
5:15 When snack is over and 1 episode of sponge bob is over, bath time
5:16 2 and 4 y.o. ask for a "bath party"
5:16-5:20 Pick out new undies and pull up and debate whether or not to let them get their pj bottoms on
5:20-5:25 Make sure they both go potty
5:25-6:00 Bath time
6:20-6:50 Play time after they get dressed in their bedrooms (as I contact mother if she is bringing home dinner or not)
6:50 Either mommy brings dinner home or she yells at me for not having dinner ready as she brings 6 y.o. home - (why she gets mad at me for asking before she leaves is beyond me if she expects me to make something)
6:55-720 Dinner time as mom goes out
720-730 Quick clean up, do dishes and sweep the floor
7:35-7:40 Pick out all the kids pjs and have them get dressed as I am running around to get 6 y.o. in bath (and ask the 2 and 4 year old if they wanna play with tinker toys or play in their rooms for individual play time)
7:45 Talk to 6 y.o. about her day and what she has learned while explaining how its almost bed time and she needs to hurry up a bit because we have to blow out her hair (she is a procrastinator)
7:50 Done with bath and clean up bathroom a bit
8:00 Realize 6 y.o. isn't listening and tell her she has 5 mins to get dressed or else I will take her video games away
8:00-8:05 Check to see if 6 y.o. did ALL OF HER HOMEWORK and is ready for school the next day
8:05-8:10 Blow out 6 y.o.'s hair and have her brush her hair
8:15 Yell at 6 y.o. to get brush out of her mouth and stop chewing on everything and give her sometime to chew on
8:20 Quiet time (read stories, individual play)
8:20-8:25 Brush teeth and Potty Races!!!
8:25;830 Get their ice waters ready
8:30 Bed time! Lights dim as we wait for mommy to return
8:45 Lights off! as I stay in their room
9:15 Mommy returns (sometimes the kids are sleeping, other times they are not)
9:15 Do last minute dishes or sweep the floor if it needs it, leave for the next day!

"Show Me Some Respect, I have a Life, too!"

Hello! I just found this blog when searching for advice about my current job. I've loved reading the stories on there and would now like to ask for some advice of my own.

I have worked as a part-time nanny for the past 6+ years while I was in college. I graduated last year and at the beginning of this year took my first full-time nanny job. At first everything seemed to be working out great. I got along great with the parents, and I only had to take care of 1 child -- a few week old infant. When I started the job, we had agreed that I would do chores that pertained to the baby; her laundry and her dishes, and tidy up any toys we use, etc. The baby slept a lot, as newborns do, so I would also occasionally load/unload the dishwasher, vacuum and mop just to be nice. When they hired me, they said that my hours would be from 7:30am until no later than 5:30, but on most days it would be 3:30 (which would be a standard 8hour day) or 4:00. Also, I should note, that I get paid by the DAY, not the hour. At first this was all fine... I typically got off at 3:30 or 4:00, they seemed very appreciative of everything I did, including the extra house work (although never got any extra compensation, but I wasn't looking for that). After a few month "trial" period, they agreed to give me 5 paid vacation days --my only benefits.

As time went on, they started upping my responsibilities, leaving me a list of things to do like vacuum and mop and unload the dishwasher as if it was now EXPECTED of me, with no additional pay. They have me drive the baby to and from doctor's appointments (which is almost an hour round trip) with no compensation for gas. And my hours have gotten longer and longer... it is 5, 5:30 or sometimes even 6 before i get off most days now. Granted, we agreed to no later than 5:30 (and later than that has only happened maybe 3 times), but even when I work til 5:30 it is a 10 hour day and my hourly pay only comes out to barely over $7, BEFORE taxes.

It really all started going crazy about 3 months ago. After 6 months of working for them, I decided to go back to school to further my education, something they had said they would support me in if I should ever decide to do so. I gave them as much notice as possible (about a month) when I decided to take 1 summer class this summer. They seemed supportive of this and were able to get some relatives to watch the baby during my class. The class caused me to take 2 half days per week, resulting in the loss of one day of pay per week, which was tight but I was able to budget for it. When I decided to take a summer class I also knew that I would be taking classes this fall semester. I told the mother upfront, back in JUNE, that I would be taking classes this fall and that I would do everything I could to take them in the evening or online so they didn't interfere with my work schedule but that she should possibly look for a back-up just in case (since the same relatives would be unable to watch the baby in the fall). She still seemed supportive and everything was fine.... until August. Come August when I finally get my school schedule... I guess she didn't really believe it was going to happen or something. Only one of my two classes interferes with my work schedule, but there was nothing I could do about it. It's the only time the class was offered and it's mandatory. Well, the mom throws a fit on me! She was constantly onto me about changing my schedule to accommodate her, asking me to wait and take it next semester (which wouldn't work) even going to far as to ask me "Well, WHAT are you going to do if I can't find anyone to watch my child during your class?" in a very rude and condescending tone, like I owed her something and that it was my problem to fix. Okay, I get that it is an inconvenience, but I gave her 3 months notice to find a backup!!.

There have been all kinds of other just little things that have been happening that I feel are unfair. Like, in the beginning on the days she didn't have to be at work as early, she would just have me come in at 8:00... now when I ask about that, she says that she still needs me to come at 7:30. So, whatever, that's fine, it is our agreed upon start time. I understand having me come in and even if she's not ready to walk out the door immediately, as long as she's getting ready and I'm actually taking care of the baby I can understand it. But on more than one occasion in just the past 3 weeks, she has had me come in at 7:30 and she's still in her PAJAMAS. Doesn't even START getting ready to leave until 8:30 or 9.... during which time I do absolutely NOTHING for the baby. Mom feeds her, changes her and everything. So I basically just sit there for an hour and a half when I could have been at home doing things that pertain to my own life... it just makes me feel very disrespected and taken advantage of. And I bet you a hundred bucks if I was paid hourly this would not happen!!! Same thing happens in the afternoon too, Mom gets home right when baby goes down for a nap but still makes me stay there for over an hour while she piddles around her house. I could understand it if she came home and worked but she doesn't.. she puts on her PJ's and lounges. It's like show me some respect, I have a life too!!!

One more thing (sorry this is getting long!!) With my current class schedule, I watch the baby 3 full days a week at my normal daily pay, and 2 half days. On the 1/2 days I drop her off somewhere else at 12:45... so I have her 7:30-12:45 which is over 5 hours!! However, I only get paid HALF of my normal daily pay, which I don't think is fair. 5 hours is more than a half day right?! Also, I took my vacation a few weeks ago and was only paid for 4 days instead of 5. I was not told beforehand that this would happen. When I asked about it I was told it was because I only work part-time now.. she said, "WELL, ugh, it was YOUR decision to work less right?" in a rude tone. However, even though at a MINIMUM, I work 37 hours a week for them. I know it is not 40, but it is far from part-time!! Even if they were going to take away a vacation day, I feel that they should have given me some notice! I was not able to budget for the loss of that money and at only $6/hr after taxes, every dang penny goes somewhere! The other thing that drives me crazy about vacation days is I only get 5 (or 4)... for everything. No paid holidays, no paid time off if THEY take a day off... and they like to take off a holiday plus 1 or 2 more days, which has left me with 2 or 3 days less pay some weeks which I just can't afford.

I get that they're a family, not a company so I am not looking for health insurance and other benefits like that, but I have to make a living too, right?? Basically, my hourly pay is less than $8/hr right now ($6-ish after taxes), and I want to ask for a raise and bring up the vacation day situation because I feel it was unfair. I have another family that has offered me a job but they don't know WHEN it starts yet. Pay is $15/hr!!! You better believe that I am taking that the second she tells me it's a done deal. I want to bring this up with my current family and tell them I have other families pursuing me offering to pay more, but I'm scared that they may fire me on the spot (although I really doubt she will because she keeps saying she needs TWO MONTHS notice for my spring class schedule so she can find someone good to watch the kid, so it seems like she doesn't have anyone else) but I can't afford to not have a job at all. But at the same time I feel very taken advantage of and disrespected and maybe if they feel like someone else is offering me something better they will treat me better? I just don't know how to bring all of this up without sounding greedy or jeopardizing my job. Any advice??

Upper West Side 67th street and Central Park West, NY

Upper West Side 67th street and Central Park West (just inside Central Park)
Wednesday, September 28
2:30
See picture for stroller and nanny appearance

This nanny was asleep while propping up the bottle for the baby. (I was able to get close enough to tell by her breathing). She did not appear to be dozing, she seemed pretty soundly asleep.

West Palm Beach Science Museum, Fla.

I have seen this nanny more than once at the museum. She is thin, darker skin, and I think speaks Spanish only. She does not speak to the girl she takes care of. They were in the snack/vending area with the girl eating in silence - with the nanny sitting there with her hands in her lap. The nanny always smiles at me with my kids and the first time tried to assess if they were my own. I often have wanted to report her for being so hands-off or not stimulating or even really warm to the girl she cares for. I was thankful to find this site. (I was about to make my own site.)

5th Ave along Central Park, NY

Bad Mommy or Bad Nanny? I was on a bus going down 5th Ave along Central Park about 5:30 pm on Wednesday, 9/14 & saw a young woman with long wavy red hair with a baby with red curly hair. The baby was leaning forward in his stroller. She grabbed him by the forehead and aggressively pushed him back. My 1st thought was that this woman could hurt the kid's brain with that aggressive movement to his head. Given that the woman and baby both had wavy red hair, maybe it was a relative and not a nanny.

Catty Cop is Causing Chaos Over Condo

I'm writing for some advice from other families/caregivers.

In May of this year, I entered into a new family (a single mother and her 4-year old son) as their nanny. From the beginning, the mother called me a "babysitter", and even though I would nicely correct her, it always bothered me. I've wondered about her respect for my position due to the fact that she doesn't use the word "nanny" or seem to understand the difference between the two. I worked three days a week, for ten-hour shifts, from May until now. I have never called off sick, even though I have been under the weather a few times (a flu that went around my area hit me twice, but I went to work and stayed as interactive but distanced from her child as I could, and she wouldn't LET me have the day off anyway.) I have been 10-15 minutes early every shift, and I have stayed after my shift ends to talk with his mother for a while or show her things we did during the day. I have cleaned her house and helped her pack for an upcoming move, as well as taken care of the child on days off when his father bailed on plans. I have been available at the last minute, I have taken care of him while he's sick, and I thought I was becoming a well-respected member of the family.

In late July, the mother found a house she wanted to buy and informed me that she was going to rent her condo. I immediately jumped at the opportunity, and we made a verbal agreement then that I would rent her place but pay in work. (Meaning, I'd work my three days a week and that would be my "rent payments", and I would never actually get cash/check from her again while I was involved in a lease with the condo.) She has written up three different leases and made the entire situation a nightmare since we agreed to it. I have had the move-in date pushed back 6 times, with my most current move-in date being the "second week of October." During this time, her son was supposed to start Kindergarten, but the school decided he was too young and asked her to wait another year. This was in September. I immediately started bringing over education materials, working on more academics than I had before, and trying to help his self-esteem after being "kicked out" of his first year of school. He has been an emotional wreck due to the upcoming move and the school problems, and I've been doing my absolute best to make sure he's okay. On top of this, I have been scrambling to put together the money to rent the condo, as well as shopping for furniture/groceries to make the place a home, and I pushed back my re-admittance into college until winter because I didn't want to start school and move in the same month. She knows all of these things, as we have become very close and I have been very open with the way I spend my days off.

Yesterday, she sent me a text in the afternoon, saying that she didn't need me today because the boy was going to spend the day with his grandmother. I responded and asked her what the occasion was, and to have a good day at work, and never heard back. Today, I received a text that asked me to call her after 5pm. When I did, I didn't get an answer so I left her a message saying that I got her text, was calling back, and hoping everything was okay. She then texted me, telling me that she has no money to pay for a house and her mortgage at the condo (which, technically, I would be paying for through child-care), that she couldn't afford a sitter, and that I wasn't needed anymore. Then, she said that her condo association didn't want a renter in her place, so I wasn't going to be allowed to move into the condo either. I know this is not the case, as I have spoken to her condo association and they already gave me the okay to rent it. So she's trying to get rid of me, very clearly. I took some offense, but I politely asked her when I could pick up the $220 for the four days I haven't received payment on yet. She responded that she wasn't sure, and she would "send me a check in the mail." The last paycheck I got from her, about two weeks ago, bounced at the bank and it took me three days to get repaid. So I'm not feeling very confident about her ability to send me a check, due to lack of money and sheer laziness. (She has also underpaid me twice, and once actually refused to pay me for a weekend day.) I have texted her multiple times saying I need an exact date and I need her to confirm what she owes me, and she finally responded hours later saying that she needs my social security number. I asked her why, and she said "For taxes, of course." I know she is being threatening at this point, trying to make me think that I'm going to have to give back money or something, but I'm just furious and feel very disrespected. I do not want to give her my social security number, I just want my payment for the last four days and honestly, I do need the money.

What should I do? Should I file a claim in court over this? Should I call the cops? The only problem with that is that she, my boss, IS a cop. She works for our county and is a well-respected member of the police force. I have saved her texts regarding this, so I have some proof over the situation, but I don't know what my next step is. Has anyone dealt with a boss that refused to pay/made receiving pay very difficult? Do any mothers feel justified in the idea that this woman wouldn't pay me? As far as I know, I have done nothing wrong/nothing to offend her. Her child loves me, her neighbours were all excited for me to move into the place, and I'm a very well-liked person. I've given 110% in this position and honestly thought I was becoming friends with the mother.

(Note: I'm 26-years old and I have been a nanny for four families over 8 years. I have maintained excellent relationships with each family and am frequently asked to come to parties, last-minute babysitting, or sent nice greetings for holidays/my birthday. They have all given me amazing references and, with the exception of this position, I have never been fired from any job ever, including retail. I honestly do not feel as though I have done something wrong and I do believe that she's having financial difficulties, but from the moment my position was terminated she has been extremely catty/childish and is making this very hard on me, not to mention how hard it'll be on the little boy when he realizes I'm not coming back.)

(Also: She did this to her last nanny, in a way. Her next-door neighbour was her nanny before me, and on a weekend she interviewed/hired me and fired the girl the morning of her next shift. I have had a very uncomfortable relationship with that one woman ever since. I don't know if money was withheld, but I know she felt blind-sided by being fired ten minutes before she was due to watch the child.)

Nanny Can't Shake that Uneasy Feeling

Hey, I recently started a nanny position on a trial basis (3 weeks and 3 days a week) the job sounded great. I did one day and liked the job, and I've been there 2 days. On the second day I got to meet the outgoing nanny which went well, but as I asked her questions about the job, I got slightly uneasy. She did not have a nanny agreement, does all the family laundry despite the fact they have a cleaning service, and cooks elaborate meals for the family.

I am going to meet with the mom soon, for more about the job requirements, but the lack of a nanny agreement concerns me, and that they may take advantage of me at this job. The outgoing nanny seems to have enjoyed the job but I can't shake the uneasy feeling that the job is not a good fit for me. Apart from talking to the parents more, are there any suggestions anyone has for me? I have been in situations in the past where I took a job just because I needed one so bad that I ignored warning signs and regretted it later. Sorry for the rambling but it has been upsetting me and I wanted fellow nannies advice on the job as I do not have any close friends who are nannies. Thanks very much.

Taking Care of Our PT Nanny...

Several months ago I was searching for a babysitter to help me with my son while I get some work done at home (I'm a PT WAHM). At the same time, Family A was helping their nanny acquire additional hours because they'd just cut her schedule from M-Thurs to 3 days per week. (The nanny works another job in another industry on Friday and Saturday.) Anyway, the nanny interviewed well, so I came to hire her at $15 per hour for work on her day off from Family A. At first we started with a few hours of help, but she was wonderful and soon it came to be the entire day, 9a-5p. I think she's really great. I buy her lunch every week. When her Family A needs to switch days with me or needs her the whole M-Thurs, I never complain. After all, that is her main job and she is their nanny, right? If she stays with us until Christmas, I plan to give her a very nice bonus. Well, our family travels out of town 3-4 times per year. We are out about 2 weeks at a time. We told her about the traveling up front.

I give as much advance notice as possible, I tell her as soon as we know the dates. The first time we went away, the nanny had been with us only a month and working a few hours, so I really thought nothing of it. Now she has been with us 4 months, 9-5, and we are going away again. I know a FT, salaried nanny gets this time paid, as well as benefits, etc. But what happens in a PT, one day a week situation like this? Can anyone give some advice or share their experience with PT positions?

There is Strength in Numbers... Rise Up, Nannies!

Hi fellow nannies. As we all know, there are some great things about being a nanny. The strong bond you form with the children, the accomplished feeling you have after a long day's work, and the paycheck at the end of the week are great perks, just to name a few. On the other hand, there are also things that we don't particularly like about our jobs. As a frequent visitor to this website, there are common themes that I often see. The one that sticks out in my mind, because it hits so close to home, is the general topic of being taken advantage of. It seems that us nannies are always subject to this, even if we have an agreement with the family as to what hours we are SUPPOSED to be working, what our duties are SUPPOSED to be, etc.

Personally, I find myself using the terms "of course I can", "no problem", and "I'd be happy to" far too many times. Before you go off and say that I am a pushover (which I'd partly agree with you on) I know that I am not the only one! For me, the biggest problem I have is with hours always being inconsistent. I understand life is not predictable and things happen (there is traffic on the way home, there was a line at the store, etc) but it just seems to me that hours being extended happens way too often, and not just to me. It happens to you too, admit it :) It's difficult to plan things outside of work when you don't know when you will be done working. Also, although this doesn't happen to me, as my household duties are (thankfully) very limited, a lot of nannies get chores added on little by little, and before you know it, they are running the whole house! I always try to be as helpful as I can be (especially while the children are napping) but I also don't want the family to expect that I will clean everything, thereby putting more pressure on me. Countless times I have read that nannies end up focusing more on housework and less on the children. And that isn't good.

So, my question for all of you is how you happy nannies out there prevent this from happening to you? I find it particularly difficult to say no, especially to someone's face. I also feel badly because I know this person is paying me and I don't know where to draw the line. It is one thing to be helpful and flexible but it is another thing for someone to walk all over you. I must say that in my current job, this doesn't happen too often but it has happened to me a lot in the past. I think a lot of us can benefit from the advice from those of you who feel as though they are being compensated for their work and not being taken advantage of. Thanks!

What Would Be a Fair On-Call Asking Price?

I have a unique situation that I would like some advice on. I am a FT nanny but I also babysit on the side for a few families. There is one family that I babysit for at least 3-4 times a month. They have a 2 year old and are expecting their second child in January.

This family asked me if I could be their on-call person to come and stay with the 2 year old if they go into labor during the night or on the weekend (they have childcare options during the weekdays.) I told them yes, of course.

They asked what I would charge and I told them that they could pay me my regular hourly rate ($15/hr) or we could figure out an overnight rate. They told me they did not think that was fair to me. They said it will be an inconvenience to me because they will be asking me to not go out of town during the time frame of her due date. They said they would like to pay me a fee for being "on-call." They asked me to think about what might be fair.

I have no idea what to say. At first I thought that they did not need to pay me in addition to hours worked, but the more I think about it, I am sacrificing to be on-call. It is not unusual for me to take weekend trips out of town (I have family that I visit frequently that live 3hrs away) or have a few drinks on a Friday night. Not that I drink a lot, I'm just saying, I obviously won't be having a few glasses of wine in my off time if I think someone may be calling me in to work.

Has anyone ever had an experience like this? What is a fair rate for me to ask? I want to be reasonable and fair as well. Thanks for any suggestions!