Bad Move Leads Nanny in Wrong Direction

I did something I'm completely ashamed of and don't know what to do. I really need some advice from your readers and hope they won't be too hard on me although I know I probably deserve it. I've been a live-in for about 5mo to 3 small children and the money is the best I've ever made. MB occasionally works late and last night after I put the kids to bed DB and I sat down to watch some television. I should've said no and went to my room but I didn't. Maybe it was because I needed the attention, maybe it was because I wanted to feel powerful. MB is so demanding at times that I feel so demeaned and I guess part of me felt like I was "getting her back". (She's one of those "post-it" Mom's and it drives me crazy!) Anyway, this morning was really awkward and DB was silent, leaving for work rather quickly. Now I'm afraid of what to expect when he gets home. Please don't tell me to leave, I need this money. Should I just pretend it never happened, or should I approach DB next chance I get and say something? Please help!

Please Help This Nanny Find Her Niche...

I am in need of some solid advice! I just began working with an awesome little boy a week and a half ago. I moved in with this family from another state and really had some reservations at first. I came in for an interview (mother flew me in) met the family, the old nanny, and the current afternoon and weekend nannies. The mother left me with them for sort of a working interview. The entire time I was there the other nannies said such negative things about her but the one that stuck with me the most was the fact that less than a week ago she offered the position to someone else who had declined it. Well we had already been speaking for over a month I had even interviewed the week before that and she told me I had the job she just wanted to see how I would interact with the team and the child before she made it official. I had already given my notice at my other job and to find out she had offered the position to someone else made me very upset and concerned but I accepted the position in light of that.

Now it has been a week and a half that I have been here and everyday it seems like I've done something wrong. I spent 3 days with the nanny I was replacing (she had been here for 3 years) and the afternoon nanny (she had been here 1 year). After the old nanny left everything went down hill! One incident involved my boss saying the little boy smelled like a puppy in the morning. When she got home that night she asked, "did he have a bath?" I replied, "no, I was told he has a skin condition where he can only have a bath every other day." She proceeded to tell me that not bathing him was neglect and that I was not caring for him properly.

After this the next incident was the air conditioner....One night I got hot and turned the air up just a smidgen (was on 80 I turned it to 70). I was told the little boy was purple in the morning and if I was that hot I could move to the basement. I apologized and said it would never happen again.

The very last incident which made me write this is kinda complicated. I was offered a glass of wine which I should have denied but did not in fear of upsetting her again. We sat and watched a movie and then she began to say how smart the child was but that I was not helping him grow. He is in a wheelchair and I did not put him in his walker or use his speaking device all week. I told her the nanny that just left told me it was not important to use these things all week because there was a weekend nanny who does it and therapist who do it so I didn't need to. My boss began (again) with "that is common sense, any smart person would know to do it."

I told her on the old nanny's last day he napped for 3 hours. I just assumed that's how things where done. Well then I really did it, she replied "my son was in his bed for 3 hours and you did nothing about it?!" By that time I had only been here for 3 days. I told her I assumed he was just really tired that day. Again I was called neglectful and I went to my room and cried. My question is what do I do? At this point I just want to pack up and go and never look back but this little boy is amazing and I can't just leave. I don't want to be uncomfortable and I don't want to neglect anyone so what should I do?

Real Life Nanny Diaries

Working Moms' Tense Relationship With Nannies... By Wendy Sachs

It all started with a bowl of spaghetti.

The cold, congealed noodles had sat neglected in the back of the fridge for days.

The working mother of three despised leftovers lurking behind the milk. She had repeatedly reminded her nanny, who had worked for the family for years, to keep the fridge clean.

Annoyed at finding the half-eaten spaghetti on a Friday, she yanked out the bowl and left it in the sink for the nanny to clean. The weekend went by, and the bowl sat defiantly in the otherwise empty sink.

The nanny had washed all the dishes, except for the one covered in marinara, which now had the consistency of dried Play-Doh.

By Monday evening, the mother could stand it no longer and told the nanny that if she didn't clean the bowl, she would lose her job. The nanny stated flatly, "Where I come from, we scrape off our own dishes."

This scene played out recently in a Connecticut suburb in a home where the mom is always waxing poetic about her fabulous nanny -- one who makes her life possible. Both names have been withheld to protect their privacy.

The nanny survived the spaghetti dispute, but she was eventually fired.

The mom/nanny dynamic may be one of the most emotionally and morally charged relationship a woman will ever have.

It is often fragile and fraught with unresolved issues.

And for working moms, the relationship can be even more delicate. Loaded with guilt for leaving their kids, and stressed out that things aren't being done their way, the moms dance a nanny tango that is rarely graceful.

I know -- I've been there.

In nine years, I've had 10 nannies. I go through nannies the way some women go through men. And my nanny dramas are legendary. From predator mom-on-the-playground nanny-poaching to up-and-leaving without even a note, I've lost child care.

Stealing another woman's nanny is like sleeping with her husband -- maybe even worse. Robbing a working mother of good child care could more quickly destroy the fabric of a family than a one-night stand. I'd consider letting my husband have a fling faster than I would want to lose a good nanny to another family.

So after having a spectacular run of bad luck with keeping long-term child care, I started to throw in job perks, including round-trip plane tickets back home for Christmas, a free gym membership and even tutoring.

With an athletic, soccer-playing, blond college girl from Utah, I paid for various, pricey diets -- from the all-organic cleansing to Weight Watchers. I even rewrote all of her English papers, just so she would pass her course.

Then there was the curvy Colombian who suddenly decided to take a job at a car repair shop three months after starting with us.

Then came the Rastafarian, vegan yogi with dreads down to her butt who had me running to Whole Foods for soy milk the first night she arrived so she could drink her organic tea in the morning. She never finished the milk because she failed to return after her first week, leaving a closet full of clothes behind.

Then there was the Czech nanny who told me she didn't like my children. After four days in my house, I deposited her in another town with garbage bags full of her clothes.

Like any relationship, the mom/nanny one can suffer most by inconsistent communication, lack of respect or unfair expectations.

But the intimacy of having someone in your house -- sometimes even living in your house -- who not only cares for your children but also sees the piles of bills on your kitchen table, and all your dirty laundry, can blur the boundary between employer and employee. And it makes sense. When you are trusting nannies to help raise your children, how can you not get involved in their lives, too?

However, here's the rub: We want to know our nannies, but we don't want to know too much. While we may love them like family, too much information can make us feel squeamish and guilty.

The caste system of caregiving in our country also makes many of us uncomfortable.

Most moms employ women who are less educated and affluent than they are. But changing diapers and playing with blocks are no longer enough. With half of all mothers today working, we are demanding more from our nannies than we did decades ago. We're not looking for baby sitters, but instead we want partners in caregiving.

Most moms don't try to take advantage of their nannies by underpaying, overworking or abusing the relationship. The moms I know have done everything from lending money to securing green cards, to teaching their nannies to drive and even representing them in court.

Because so many moms are completely dependent on their child care so that they can keep their own jobs, they don't want to nitpick or create any tension. They would forgo a tidy kitchen and even accept a crusty bowl of spaghetti once in a while, if they know their kids are happy, engaged and loved.

Calling All Nannies: Advice Needed!

I need some advice from all of the professional nannies out there. I have graduated from college with a degree in elementary education and am making the transition from a part time nanny/student, to a full time, professional nanny. Last week I went on two working interviews in two different states. I had a great connection with one family. The family has three children, ages 4, 10, and 13. The household has plenty of help, including two full time housekeepers, a driver, and a chef. The family offered me the job, and laid out a proposed schedule of 50-55 hour/5 day workweek. The job includes great pay, benefits, use of a car, and they even offered to let me bring my dog to live in their home (they informed me that they would not have done that if they didn't want me to work for them so much). I told them that I was feeling really positive about the match, but I had another interview set up back in my local area, and as I had been in discussion with the family for some time, I would not feel comfortable canceling. They said that they understood, and that they actually had another working nanny interview after me, but that they "wouldn't change their mind" about wanting me. Well I went back home and talked to the agency, and then wrote up a quick email clarifying some issues that I sent to the family. I got a phone call this morning from the mother, reiterating how much they enjoyed me and how much they wanted me to work for them, but that they also really liked the other girl, and that they were thinking about hiring BOTH of us. Now I don't know what to do.

This isn't a situation where I would come into a household with an already established nanny, as we would both be equally new, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. They're an extremely fast paced, busy family with lots of other household staff who all chip in together, so maybe it could work? I know that the plan would be for the other nanny and I to have sort of separate schedules with each person taking one weekend day, with room for flexibility. However, they want us each to work 50 hours, and with all of the kids in school until either 12 or 3 every day, I don't know how a 50 hour work week would happen without quite a bit of overlap. The mom is calling me back this afternoon with a proposed schedule. I don't know if this is something I should even consider. Should I possibly ask for a trial period so I can decide if it's a good fit? Has anyone had a good situation with 2 nannies? If the other nanny and I get along well, it might be nice to have someone to work along side, or I can see it working out very badly as well. Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated as I try to make this decision.

Suggestions for Baby Outings, Please!

I just started a new nanny position with a 9 week old baby boy. My previous position was for 4 boys...ages 4, 6, and 8 year old twins...so this job is quite a bit different! I am really excited and he is such a sweet baby, but I am not sure what kind of activities I can do with him during our days together! I am new to the state (Carolina)...I moved here for this job so I am not familiar with the area and what it may offer for infants (play groups for example). I want to do things that will stimulate him and get us both out of the house once in a while...just wondering if there are any other infant nannies out there that have any suggestions for me! Thank you! :)

Baby in Back of Pick-up Truck Goes for a Dangerous Ride
Florida - Police arrested a 23-year-old woman who rode in the back of a pickup truck along with a stroller containing an eight-month-old baby boy, reports MSNBC.

The woman, Keyona Davis, was not the mother, but babysitting the child at the time. In footage captured by a police cruiser, Davis can be seen holding on to the stroller as the moving pickup truck bounces through the streets of Daytona Beach.

Police were tipped off after several concerned onlookers called 911. Bennie White, the driver of the truck, was cited for careless driving and Davis was arrested and charged with child neglect.

Davis later told a judge she had no idea such a thing would be considered child endangerment. “It’s not like they give you a handbook or anything on … what’s neglect and what’s not neglect,” she said.


Child Porn Suspect Advertised as Nanny on Craigslist
Florida - A 21-year-old man who advertised on Craig's List as a male nanny was arrested Tuesday night after deputies say they discovered 278 child pornography videos on his personal computer.

Daniel Cortopassi, of 4700 Emerson Ave., St. Petersburg, faces five counts of Sexual Performance by a Child (videos), and more charges are pending, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office.

Deputies said Wednesday that they are concerned that Cortopassi may have been hired as a nanny by families who had seen his Craig's List ad.

They are asking anyone with information to contact the Crimes Against Children Unit, at 727-582-6200.

Cortopassi had been sought by deputies for three weeks, after they obtained a search warrant to seize and search his personal computer. They returned to arrest the suspect after finding the videos, but he had fled.

On Tuesday night, Cortopassi was arrested during a traffic stop in Seminole on Park Boulevard.


Babysitter Charged in Death of 4 Month Old Infant
Wisconsin - A 24-year-old babysitter was charged Friday with first-degree intentional homicide for allegedly murdering a 4-month-old girl in her care early Thursday.

Jeanette M. Janusiak told investigators the girl, whose name authorities would not release, was fine after she dropped her and became unresponsive later. But a doctor who examined the child told police that due to the severity of the injuries, the girl would've been unresponsive immediately after she was dropped.

According to the criminal complaint:

A Reedsburg police officer was called to Janusiak's home at 150 N. Preston Ave. shortly before 2:30 a.m. Thursday for a report of a pulseless baby that was not breathing.

The officer said the girl's skin was light blue and she was motionless. He performed CPR until paramedics arrived and took her to Reedsburg Area Medical Center. She was flown to a Madison hospital, where she later died.

Gift of Thanks Suggestions?

Hi, I'd love the help of your blog followers. My family has had a fabulous nanny for the last 6 years and she only has 2 weeks left with our family. Both my kids are in school full time now :(. I want to give her an awesome gift of thanks for the love and care she's given my children and to show her how much we appreciate her. Nothing seems appropriate for what she's given to us. Jewelry? A weekend away with her boyfriend? I don't know!!! What would you like?! Thank you! Renee (aka 'Sooooooo sad to loose our nanny from CA')

Cadman Plaza Park in Brooklyn Heights, NY

I saw a nanny this morning around 11am (Wednesday, August 17th) at the Cadman Plaza Park in Brooklyn Heights. She was African American, older and slightly overweight. Her charge was 11 months old, blond Charlotte. She was strapped in a red Bugaboo stroller the entire time - about one hour. She desperately wanted to come out and was kicking, etc. The nanny, however, would not allow her to come out at all. The baby girl just wanted to play with the other kids - it is so safe there, she could have just kept her on the lawn and continued her phone conversations. Was this some sort of punishment? For an 11-month old? Seems very unreasonable and mean.

Battery Park Playground - NY

I saw a something very disturbing late this afternoon at around 5pm or 5:30 at the large play ground in battery park. I saw a group of nannies talking and there was a young boy around 2 years old in a stroller by himself. The stroller tipped backward with the boy in it and the boy fell out on his head. The nanny was not paying any attention to the boy but finally realized that he fell out and went over to him and picked him up his wrists so he was hanging with all of his weight on his shoulders. The nanny was dark skinned and was socializing with a group of about three or four other nannies. It was near the younger sand part of the park. It was quite disturbing. I believe the nanny was wearing a dark blue shirt.
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To the OP, I received your message in MEEBO. Unfortunately, it does not give me the date you left this Sighting. Could you please let me know in the comment section when this incident happened?

UPDATE: Any Advice for a Pro?

Hi! I started my seven child nanny job on August sixth. As some of you will recall I had some nerves and reservations about accepting a position. So many asked for an update and I wanted to say thanks for the great advice as well.

I arrived to a clean room and seven smiling faces. The three youngest kiddos twenty eight month old twin boys and a four year old girl are my charges. The other four children age seven, nine, thirteen, and fifteen are as nice as can be. Many of you expressed reservations about truly caring for only the three children but so far that has been my experience. My days have started on time and ended on time or early. I think the mom is greatful to have me around which is a nice feeling. Apparently there was a childcare mother in law issue before and I get the impression things did not go so well

The boys and I love to be physically active jumping, playing ball, and hokey pokey while the daughter is all girl and very smart. I might have lucked out on this job but only time will tell. School starts Monday and both parents work in the local ISD so that will be the true test of timliness. My only concern is the discussion of an eighth! baby...but I think at that point mom would stay home full time. This is only a school time position so even if she did get pregnant the baby would arrive during summer. Thanks again for the advice.

New Nanny Needs Solution to Tax Problem

I was offered a part-time nanny-household manager position starting after Labor Day. The position involves caring for three children (6, 4.5 and 3 years of age), child related cleaning duties, along with weekly and monthly household cleaning, plus household organization, something their former nanny (the one I am replacing) didn't do when asked. (I have seen the list of chores, and they are very simple things that the kids can help out with). MB and DB and the kids and I connected, and I am really looking forward to this job, because I need a challenge.

Anyway, MB mentioned that the more I put into the job, the more I get out of it. She doesn't appear to be a critical control freak with unrealistic expectations, or unreasonable and demanding. She mentioned that while they had a good relationship with the last nanny, she didn't like the fact that she (MB) would come home at the end of the day and find a mess created by the kids and the "nanny list" not being checked off. MB gave me the example of how her 4.5 year old went into the fridge, took an egg, and it ended up cracked open underneath the sofa while their nanny was on duty. Dried egg on a carpet. Other examples were various areas of the house that need organization, such as the kids' rooms, closets, etc. I think MB is frustrated and felt let down by the former nanny in terms of household things not being done, thereby having MB come home to work "second shift" (doing the shift that all working parents do at the end of the day).

I plan on being the best nanny I can. The children appear to be well behaved, however, MB did mention that the youngest child will play the "wandering eater", eating a few bites and wandering to and from the table in between bites. She also mentioned that he still uses a sippy cup. During the working interview, I arrived on a Saturday morning where MB cooked breakfast and went to run errands, giving me some time with the kids. (DB was in his office upstairs.) The youngest one did the "wandering eater", when I explained to him after the second time he left the table that I would throw his breakfast out if he didn't sit down and eat. I was firm and gentle, and he sat and ate. The second time I was there was last week, and I explained the same thing about leaving the table and eating. I also used a regular cup instead of a sippy, and he did great with it, if you don't count the fact that he spilled milk on his shirt. Overall, the kids and I got along well and we made fruitt putti. The 6 year old, who loves arts and crafts, said "we like playing with this stuff. Our nanny never makes things with us". I thought that was interesting, and wondered what their nanny did with them during the day.

MB admitted the children need a pinch of discipline, a dash of structure and more activities. It is my own personal belief to gradually introduce changes and new things in child's life during a transition period, such as new teachers/caregivers. MB gave the go ahead for a daily schedule, the "behavior bubble ladder", household rules, and "cleanest plate" and "I tried everything on my plate" awards (I developed these awards this summer because I have a child in my class that won't eat peas).

MB, DB and I feel that the children transitioned well to me: do I jump in with the changes or gradually introduce them as they get used to me being their new nanny. I am thinking the second one, however, I would love to have your thoughts.

The other issue is taxes. DB and MB own three businesses, and I will not be claimed as an employee. I will be working 15 hours a week to start with, and as MB said, there is the potential for more hours due to the seasons changing (DB is a contractor with business busy from April-October and his hobby which is bow hunting and his other business related to hunting, which keeps him busy from end of September to December and again from February-April). The hourly wage will go up based on effort, performance and dedication to the job. I am wondering if they are aware that they can be fined if they don't pay on the books and deduct necessary taxes. This isn't a deal breaker for me, as there has to be a solution to the problem. What are some suggestions you may have in terms of taxes?

DB Dragging His Feet on WA

I have been a nanny for lets call them Family A for the past 8 months and Family B wanted to do a nanny share. So both families wrote up the agreement and we sat down to discuss it. Some changes were to be made before I started the work agreement.

Family A, DB was suppose to be the one making the changes and when I asked him last week where was the work agreement he just smiled and said he hasn't gotten to it. It was only two changes that were supposed to be made (the rate and the overtime) it takes a total of maybe 3-5 min.

This week is week [b]THREE into the nanny share and he told me that he still doesn't have it. At this point I am a little annoyed and do not feel comfortable continuing without it...

Nannies, MB, DB, SAHM, WOHP, please give me some advice.

How Do I Say Goodbye?

I have been working for a family for almost two years now and it is time for me to move on. I don't know how to break the news - I know that simply putting in a "two-week notice" won't suffice because I have grown to love the children and the parents have treated me very well. I am set to start a new job in three weeks and just don't know how to tell the parents and, more importantly - the children, that I am leaving. Suggestions?

ADHD, ODD... MB Needs Help

I have two kids a girl 8, and a boy 4. We live across the street from a community college so I have been using college students as after school babysitters. In the past year I have had three babysitters. The first one quit when my son hit her. The second one quit with no notice - she said it was because of a family emergency. But based on the communication I had with her after, I suspect it may have had something to do with my children's behavior. The third one already had a full time summer job - so I knew she was going to quit. However I emailed her about coming back in the fall a couple of times and got no response.

My daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I don't think she is that bad, she doesn't have any behavior problems at school. She is a sweet girl and is normally happy, but she does get hyper when she's excited, she talks alot and she has a temper. She doesn't always listen the first time. She does get angry and slam doors. She does hit her brother. I clearly define the rules of our house for my kids and the babysitters - I tell the babysitters how to discipline them. Basically time outs - time to cool down. I also use a rewards system for good behavior. I tell the kids clearly that the babysitter is in charge when I"m not there. The babysitters I have hired had experience with kids with this age group and with siblings. So now I'm looking for a new babysitter for fall. What do I tell her about ADHD and ODD? Would anyone willingly take this job if I disclose the information? Would I need to hire someone who has experience with Special Needs. Is this something a college student can handle? How can I better support the babysitter? I would love to hear some of your opinions.

Carl Schurz Playground on East End Ave - Manhattan, NY

I seen a nanny yesterday at the park that was right bad. She was being real snotty to the child. She had a back scratcher that she was using to scratch down her back on the inside of the shirt. She used that to smack the kid on the bloody upper arm like three different times and three smacks each time. When the chuffin child cried, right she said "shut yourself". The baby wanted to get out of it's stroller and play. She didn't want to do anything but sit there scratching her back and talking to another nanny who had a young child in a stroller. This was about 1130 AM at Carl Schurz playground on East End Ave. The bloody nanny was Jamaican and gruff sounding. She was wearing a red t-shirt with m&m's on it and black shorts that went to her knees. The boy was about two and half years old and had curly red hair and wearing brown hiking style tennis shoes. The stroller was blue and black with a stripe print on the fabric.

Job Creep... and MB is a Creep, too

I have sort of a problem, and I was hoping you all could help me out with it. Okay a little about myself. I am 21 years old and going to school to get my degree in Elementary Education. I have been a part time nanny since I was 16 years old. I was with my first family for 3 years and then I moved to another city to go to college and was with that family for the past 2 years. I was recently let go by my second nanny family as "my" boys are both old enough to go to pre-school and they just don't need me anymore. I started with this family when the baby was 3 months old and the older child was 2. They're now 2 and 4 and now that I'm no longer with them, I miss them terribly. The mom and I still keep in touch, but it's still very strange for me to not see them every week.

After I was let go by that family, I was immediately hired by a new family with a 15 month old baby boy. The mom put on a great front during the interview and didn't bring up things like cleaning, cooking, or anything other then just taking care of the baby. I was hired on the spot and started the next week. On the first day with them, I just spent the day trying to get to know the baby and see what he was like, get some feel for a routine, etc. Since he had no real routine or anything, I asked the mom if I could implement one. I gave her sort of a timeline that would be easy to follow regarding lunch and naps and she said it was great. The next week when I went back for my second week, I was met at the door by the mom and a post it note. She had a very different demeanor and told me that she had left a post it note of chores for me to do. Cook dinner, do the laundry, do the dishwasher, dust, mop and vacuum, as well as organize all the toys that the baby has. To be honest, I was a bit shocked. I don't mind cleaning or doing meal prep, but to be met at the door with a post it note just seemed rude to me. Plus, the baby only takes one nap per day, when was I supposed to fit all those chores in? He's incredibly clingy and he will scream bloody murder if I try to walk out of the room without holding him.

By the third week, she had added going grocery shopping to the list, in addition to everything else. She isn't blatantly rude to me, but she seems bored when talking to me and has a fake interest in anything I say. I was at the playground with the baby, when I saw my former boss and boys and I almost cried with joy at seeing them. I am sad that I don't have that close relationship with my new employer and I feel like the baby hates me. All he does is cry around me. I try to play with him, I sing to him, I take him places, yet, I can get him to laugh only rarely and I feel like he resents me or something. It's been 7 weeks and we still haven't really bonded. Is this a bad sign? I feel like it's my fault.

There are other things that I just find strange as well. One day the dad boss came home from work early, before the mom got home. I was speaking with him about the baby and we were laughing about something. The mom came in the door and started glaring at me, like I wasn't allowed to speak with her husband. I'm not attractive, so I don't think she's worried about him cheating on her with me. Another time, I got there in the morning and saw that the baby was playing with a meat tenderizer. I distracted him and took it away from him as I felt that he was going to poke his eye out with the stick of it. I put it on the counter and when she came back in the room, she made a comment like "oh, that's right, I'm a bad mom" and then laughed. I started to explain myself, but she walked out of the door. The mom also refers to me as "the nanny,"
never my name, when she speaks to friends and family. My other employers always used my name, regardless of whether or not the other person knew who I was.

In three weeks, my college courses will begin again. I will work during the day and go directly from work to school for 3 hours per night. I am terrified that I won't have time to focus on my school work, as my original plan was to do homework and such while the baby was sleeping. When I spoke with the mom upon our interview, she agreed to this, however now with my massive list of chores, I don't know where I'll find the time. I hate admitting this, but I feel like I may not be what this family is looking for. Should I start looking for a new family to work for? My friend made a comment to me the other day about how sad I seem now and I think that I'm just really not enjoying my job anymore. I'm a great nanny and have tons of other families who love me, but I just feel like this family doesn't. I've never had to deal with anything like this before. Can someone give me some type of suggestion or something? Please help, I have no one to turn to. None of my friends are nannies, so they don't understand. I don't want to let this family down, but I have to do what I feel is right for me, right? Thanks.

Does Nanny x 2 = Headache?

Advice Needed! I'm currently putting out feelers for a new job, and have been approached by a family who sound very nice; the money is good, I'd have my own separate accomodation - the only fly in the ointment is that I would be looking after the two older children while the nanny that the family has employed for the last five years will be staying on to look after the newborn. Nannies, have you ever encountered a situation like this that has actually worked? Other than this, the job sounds great, but the idea of working alongside someone who's been with the family that long is just giving me major goosebumps. Should I just forget this opportunity and wait for something else? Any advice gratefully appreciated!

Am I Getting Screwed?

I was recently offered a new position. The family gave me the option of whether I preferred them to pay me gross and I will pay my taxes at the end of the year, or they will withold the taxes themselves and will write me a check for that amount to pay my taxes with. They won't have me sign any tax forms, and this has left me baffled. Are they trying to get out of paying taxes? I don't want to be screwed come tax time. Thank you for any insight.

Nanny Stuck in the Mud Needs to Bring Home the Bacon

Well it seems I have had it. I'm not quitting but it works out nicely that my hours would be cut so much that I would have to leave. So I'm leaving? I don't know but I have to say I will no longer be working for my family. After some thought I decided that I have the rest of my life to be somebody's mother and so after three years of being a nanny (I'm 23) I'm going to seek other non-child care related employment. But I'm stuck. I have my EC1 but that's it. No other education. I'm enrolling to begin my history degree but that will take 4 years. I have to work. I'm married and I have to help bring home the bacon. So what is a nanny to do? What jobs can I get? And how do I convince employers that I'm good at something besides changing diapers and caring for kids. PLEASE HELP!

Water Park on Pier 25 in Tribeca - Manhattan, NY

I saw some disturbing behavior from a nanny this afternoon (Friday, August 5th) at 4:00 pm at the water park on Pier 25 in Tribeca. I didn't see what transpired up to the point I saw her interacting with the girl (4-5 with brown shoulder-length hair, maybe a lavender shirt, but not positive), but this young white nanny (who looked early 20s) with braces (which I think were on the inside of her teeth), light blue t-shirt, black shorts, dark blonde hair in a braid and large sunglasses was *very* rough with her. I first noticed her because she was shouting at the girl and then proceeded to shove her hard on the chest into a black Maclaren stroller. The girl was crying and I couldn't help myself and said, "I think that kind of physicality is really unnecessary" (or something) to which she replied, "She keeps running away from me!"

I don't know what had happened before with the girl, but her physical aggression was very upsetting and wrong. She left the park and I could hear her shouting "I don't care!" at the girl, who was sobbing at that point. Let's just say if that were my kid, I'd want to know.

Bowling alley off highway 5, Southern Pines, NC

GOOD NANNY SIGHTING: Bowling alley off highway 5, Southern Pines, NC - Nanny was a young, attractive blonde. She had a 5 or 6 year old girl with dirty blonde hair and also what looked like a VERY new baby in a stroller (grey/black jogging stroller). Looks like they were meeting another nanny or mom with another little girl. Nanny helped and cheered on the little girl as she bowled and as baby slept in stroller. I watched her also feed the baby and she looked very comfortable and skilled doing so. I ended up asking her how old the baby was and she said 6 weeks old. After baby was fed and burped, she walked around with him while helping little girl play games. I just wanted to submit this because she looked very comfortable and was able to smoothly handle a newborn and a young child on an outing which I was quite impressed by. If you are reading this, North Carolina Nanny, job well done! Your employers should know that they found a gem.

My Hellish Experience

I really want to get this off my chest. I never thought an 11-year-old girl could make me question so many things about myself. Things like, I like kids. I like nannying. I want kids of my own one day. I am a likeable person.

I have both nannied and worked in retail throughout college. Fed up with my retail job, of all us part timers getting only 10 hours a week at more than $5 per hour less than I got as a nanny, I frustratedly emailed my resume to a posting for a nanny on my school's job board. In 45 minutes I got a call and set up an interview. The next day I interviewed. The next day I was hired. The next week I started. They kids were older--an 11-year-old girl, M, and a 14-year-old boy, C. The parents were wealthy and paid above the going rate, with benefits, for only 15 hours per week. My last nanny job was with one 13-year-old boy. He was great, and I hoped to have a relationship like that with these kids. This was such a blessing to my frustrating work rut I was in.

The situation started out rocky. I know 11 years is a hard age, so I was sensitive to the fact that the parents told me M didn't have many friends and I should set up play dates for her with a few kids. Whatever, we all have rough patches in life. I'm sure this kid was fine enough. My first week was hell and I soon realized this household was ruled with an iron fist by the 11-year-old girl. After a week of her running away from me and making us late to C's karate practice every.single.day. I told her parents we needed to meet about her behavior. We met the next day and I expressed my concern. They were open and sympathetic and said M had a hard time "adjusting". I told them I was having a hard time meeting their expectations of "bonding" with her, because I did not want to do her a disservice by showing her it was okay to treat people poorly and they would continue to want to be friends. The parents nodded as if they understood. At the end of the meeting, I asked if we could call the girl in to explain to her that I was in charge, here to stay, and to know all the adults were on the same page about this. M, who had been listening outside the door the entire time ran up to her room. Her parents STOOD at the bottom of the stairs and called her down. She said "NOOOOll!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU, MOM, DAD AND [MY NAME]" they told me I could leave, she was having a hard night. I should have quit then, but I still thought this would blow over and the kid would regress. I thought I could stick it out because of the pay. What kind of kid can really be this nasty to her core? And what kind of parents did not go upstairs, grab the kid by her wrist, pull her down and MAKE her sit on the couch and listen?

The thing about this kid was that she really had no friends and everything was revolving around that fact. Her parents wanted to be sensitive to her self-esteem. They didn't want to ever punish her too harshly... because she felt bad about herself enough as it is. Makes perfect sense, I know. At school, M was the kid that sucked up to the adults, but all the other students hated. She wanted to be not only her teacher's pet, but EVERY single teacher's pet. She had a list of all their birthdays and would make them cards, even if she barely knew them. If a song was on the radio that was playing bleeped out swear words, she would tell me "this is INAPPROPRIATE! CHANGE IT OR I'LL TELL MY MOM WE'RE LISTENING TO MUSIC WITH SWEARING IN IT." The parents and I had regular talks. In each of them, they told me exactly what I wanted to hear, but nothing ever changed. The most "punishment" they ever gave the kid was taking away her iPod for one day at a time. This family's emotional regulation and power dynamics were some of the most screwed up I have ever witnessed.

Every day the girl would say something rude. "Your butt looks big" "Stop talking about your classes, it's really annoying." C would thank me for making him a snack and she would say "Don't thank her, it's her JOB!!" She would come up to me while I was doing homework and say "Come play with me, you HAVE to play with me!!!" I would tell her no, not when she asked like that and she would call her mother and tell her I was "refusing to play with her so I could do my homework". After a while I'd just start ignoring her. I'd pick her up and say hi, but there was no conversation except for her malicious comments. Why did I think it would go away? How did I not realize it would not stop after 4 months? 6 months? Why did it take me 9 months?? I never condoned physical punishment until I met this girl. What this girl needed was to be slapped across the face by her parents every time she said something blatantly rude. I don't think it would continue. However, the parents worked to appease her. She knew she had no boundaries and she pushed them FURTHER. Meanwhile, the mom was constantly giving me the list of her classmate's phone numbers so I could set up play dates for her. She'd scream at me and say "I'll just call them back and say I'm not coming!!!" I was torn. I did it from time to time, as it was her mother's #1 expectation of me -- to get her kid some friends -- but sometimes it was just unbearable. The other parents knew their kid didn't like the girl. When I called to ask they would say "It's a really hectic next two weeks for us, I'll give you a call after that!" but they never did. My employers were a slave to this girl's "self esteem". I'd tell them I called but no kids were available and I hated seeing the pain on their face. They didn't want to "damage" her. They were too afraid to be assertive with her. It didn't matter what her behavior was. They wanted to make her happy because she was not liked by her classmates.

The only person who seemed to see the situation for what it was was the brother, C. C was fairly normal, considering the circumstances. He was 14, but he knew not to behave like that or take advantage of his parents. I loved the 15 minutes alone in the car taking C to his activities. He'd vent to me about his sister. About how she'd kick and slap and scream at her parents at 11-years-old and they wouldn't do anything. I really felt for him, and told him to see the situation for what it was, and that it was not good, but other than that, what could anyone do? I stayed with this family for 9 months, before I reached my wit's end. The week before I quit, I drove this girl and one of her teammates to soccer practice. Neither girl spoke to each other. M told me to "be quiet" when I talked to her. The girls ate a snack in my backseat and left crumbs all over. The next day I teased M about the mess. She said, "My friend left that, I'm going to call her and tell her you're mad!!" I just looked at her. She picked up the phone and called the girl, "Hi A, my nanny is mad you left crumbs in her back seat yesterday." I just stared at her. When she hung up I said, "M, A is not your friend. You don't have any friends because you treat everyone around you like that. It is my sincere hope for you that one day you'll figure it out. You are a sad and lonely kid and people do not like you because of how you act. Even the teachers, who you try so hard to be their pets, see you for how you truly are and they aren't fooled either." She screamed and called her mom, and her mom never discussed the incident with me.

The next day I put in a week's notice. I remembered how happy I was before I took this job. I was under stress from both school and work, but now I was under stress, having muscle spasms in my back, trouble sleeping - insomnia and nightmares when I worked the next day, crying before and after work, feeling depressed enough to talk to a doctor about it. I went to the gym 6 days a week instead of 3-4 because this kid called me fat. She said my butt was big and my stomach had rolls. And I did this for NINE months? WHAT was I thinking?? I just couldn't stand this abuse from an 11-year-old and now I understood why they paid so high above the market rate.

Looking back, I should have done so many things differently. But the cycle was - kid would act up, I'd tell the parents, they'd tell me what I wanted to hear, I regained confidence that things would be different, nothing changed. Repeat. Every goddamn day. I should have been better. I should have quit. I know. I was under pressure. The pay was good, I needed money for an upcoming surgery I had scheduled that summer. Maybe I shouldn't have said that to her. I should have been strong enough to not let a child affect me so deeply that I still question if I'm a likeable person and if I am a good nanny. I should have looked harder for a new job. All these things I see now. My last day there was the happiest of my life. I sat on the trampoline with C and listened to him vent and cry about his family. He said he was sad to see me go. I told him he could call me if he ever needed anything, but I couldn't continue this. I liked nannying and I like being with kids who like me. Even now, I get a rush of joy when I remind myself I'll never see that kid again I still just can't believe the parents let their child act like this. They neither supported me, nor directly opposed her. They were just neutral witnesses. Successful professionals that were voluntary slaves in their own house.

Reading these words now, it just sounds surreal. No way a child could be this bad. No way I, an otherwise competent person and nanny with great references, could actually be reduced to this. Now, in interviews, I am much more assertive with my expectations of support from parents, but I still don't know how to feel about the situation. Maybe I am a bad nanny. A weak person. A fat girl with a big butt that listens to the edited version of songs with swear words in them. This was over a year ago and I still am so unsettled. I hope to post it here and get some feedback. Support, criticism. Whatever. My friends aren't nannies, and they don't understand. I feel I should really go to counseling about this, it just shook me up so badly.

A Different Nanny Experience - By Anonymous

It was June, 2006. Elizabeth, 3, would be four that November and Daniel had turned 2 in March. This summer the family’s beloved Nanny would be moving away so the Mom, Jane, was seeking a new Nanny using various babysitting provider websites. I had just graduated from college in May and worked my way through school at a child care center while babysitting my cousins on summer breaks. After graduation I was looking for a fun and challenging change of pace. One night I started just browsing nanny job websites and stumbled upon Jane. Her ad simply stated her situation, working Mom with young children, but I felt compelled to answer it, even though I hadn’t yet decided if I was going to quit the job I had. I sent her my resume and we set up a time to chat that Friday night. When she called we introduced ourselves and said some pleasantries and then she just said it: “OK, the first thing you need to know is that my children are two and three and I’m a widow. My husband passed away this past January. It was cancer.”

I was taken aback and breathless. I remember thinking, “Oh goodness, what have I just gotten myself into”? I managed to eek out a quiet “I am so sorry to hear that,” for which she thanked me and then she kept on talking. It was as if she expected this reaction out of me, a 22 year old with very little life experience. I mean, what would I have said? She explained the basics of her situation: Dad was sick for 3 years on and off and passed in January. He is very much missed and talked about often. She was a stay at home mom turned work from home mom/marketing manager with a heavy travel schedule, often gone 2-3 days and nights a week. She gushed about her fantastic and adorable children who were extremely well-adjusted and happy considering just losing their father six months ago. She loved my resume and wanted to meet as soon as possible so we agreed on the next morning at 11. I’d come for lunch and if all worked out we’d go from there.

I was giddy and excited and had a hard time sleeping that night. Considering the nature of the job and its’ requirements, I had a lot to think about. It was a big commitment of both my time and my energy. However, my gut just told me this was a good thing; it was the right path for me to take exactly two weeks after my college graduation. After all I did have a brand new Psychology B.A., why not put it to some use counseling these poor babies? After arriving at the house a little before 11, I buzzed the bell and was called to “come in” by the two cutest kids ever. They were sitting at the kitchen island munching on strawberries, blueberries and bologna and cheese roll-ups with sippy cups of milk and big smiles as Mom made them laugh across the counter. They looked like twins as they are only 16 months apart and Elizabeth was petite for her age. I remember thinking both Jane and the home were gorgeous and that she was so sweet and welcoming. I instantly felt like I made a new friend – or at least I had a new babysitting gig if the Nanny thing didn’t work out for some reason. Needless to say we all got along great and agreed to have a trial run the following week, same time, same place. We talked about Dad some but not too much. I remember when Mom asked where Daddy lived now, each child pointed to their heart and said, “He lives in my heart so he’s always with me.” I knew this family was going to be great but wondered if the inevitable grief and time demand might be tough on me. Did I want to commit to all of this just yet? Just from that meeting I knew I’d essentially be a Mom/Nanny on some days. Did I want that at my age? It was scary, but those kids were too cute. And my heart kept saying… “Well, why not?”

Apprehension and all I arrived the following week and the trial went well. At least I say that now, as I'm looking back. Jane went to run errands and take some personal time. Elizabeth and I had such a great time doing art and chatting over lunch until it was rest time. After putting Daniel down we set off to find her blankie which, for the first of a hundred times over the next three years was, of course, in Mommy’s car. That was often in a different state entirely. Thankfully today she was only at the grocery store. Elizabeth cried forever, at times for her Daddy, until I distracted her by having her name all the kitchen appliances and praising her for how smart she was because, as I told her, I just could NOT remember what that big white box thing was called! I was also calmly texting Jane about the tragedy and telling her not to worry about the blankie she just found in her backseat, Elizabeth was A-OK.

Daniel was the happiest and silliest two year old ever, just the sweetest little boy. He ate great and slept great and it wasn’t until Elizabeth started talking about Daddy that he cried. And then for the first time in my life I’m having a conversation about something I knew so little about – the death of a parent. Not to mention, I’m having it with teeny tiny toddlers. They were so sad and missed their Daddy so much but they were also brilliantly light-hearted, even through their tears. We said hello to Daddy from the swings and blew him kisses. We talked about his dog who was with him keeping him company and their mom’s dad who was there as he had just died as well. I found out later he passed a few months before her husband, cancer as well.

Jane came home and we told her about the fun we had and then all talked about Daddy while they “introduced” me to him through the picture boards from his funeral. While not on display, they were in a closet where the children could go and “visit” Daddy whenever they wanted. It was an incredible experience for me to connect with them like this and also to observe this loving and intimate behavior from such little ones. It was then that I knew that with this family was where I needed to be.

Jane and I talked business while the kids played and she cooked dinner. There would be many overnights and some weekends if I wanted to work them. There was a cleaning bi-weekly cleaning lady but I knew I’d need to do housework since Jane was away so much and worked all day. There would be very early mornings and very late nights and no overtime pay because of the high salary, which was always very high in our area for a nanny. Add that to the fact that some weeks I’d work 25 hours while the next I’d work 70. This meant even more once both children were in some type of school setting and I’d often end up working only half days, 1-6 or something. There were other negotiations along the way and eventually I ended up with ALL time off paid with tons of vacation as well as plentiful and generous bonuses and raises. There was no real gas allowance until later on when our travel/outings increased and then gas prices increased on top of that. That came as a credit card which was used for all child care related expenses too. This was fantastic and made everything so easy (although I might have gone overboard buying the kids’ things they “needed.”) Jane and I split my health insurance costs because she felt so strongly that I needed it – god forbid I get sick and need to be in the hospital, she knew just how expensive that could be. We talked about our parenting and discipline styles a bit which were identical and for most things we were absolutely on the same page. We communicated so well.

Finally, we talked about the job of caring for two children whose worlds were turned upside down just six months ago with the loss of their father and now again with their current Nanny, whom Jane called “Mary Poppins,” who was moving away to a new state. She said she loved the way I was with the kids, she could tell they loved me and if I wanted the job it was mine. Anxious as I was, I mustered up some courage after that intense afternoon and told her that I would be honored to work with her. It was the beginning of the craziest and best three years of my life.

In that time I became: home and family organizer, activities coordinator, week day chauffeur, part-time maid, neighborhood babysitter, child and adult therapist, mom’s bff for personal stuff and sounding board for work issues and, the best, “Jane’s right arm” as I affectionately became known as among her group of friends. We worked like a well oiled machine, raising her children and helping the family adjust to these new circumstances. It may be cliché, but my three years Nannying was such an enriching and rewarding experience for me even during the bumps in the road. There were some, I have to admit, especially working with a grieving family, but I believe that’s natural in any family. I learned so very much about life, love and growing up from all of the incredible people I met as a result of being Elizabeth and Daniel’s Nanny. As well as, most especially, just from knowing Jane.

I moved on last year when Elizabeth entered first grade and Daniel went off to all-day Kindergarten. Jane was on her way to finding love again and they were absolutely the most well-adjusted, fun-loving, and silly children I knew and happy as ever. I left on the highest note and I am so grateful for that. I started a new adventure after moving closer to my real family and I am now blessed enough to have another job that I love, co-operating a child care center. I still talk to and see my “Nanny Family,” although it’s not as often as we’d all like but that’s ok. After all, no one knows better than I do how crazy their lives are so I really don’t mind. They are truly my family and neither time nor distance will ever change that.

Another Great CL-WTF!

Hello, so I have an interesting story. I might work for a nudist family! I replied to this ad:

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http://raleigh.craigslist.org/dmg/2533036618.html
Nanny/Light Housekeeping (Raleigh)
Date: 2011-08-06, 12:03PM EDT
Reply to: bev.martin1@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hello! I am seeking one person to work primarily as a nanny for my 2 children.

I work from my home office, and need someone to help with the kids during the day. We have a 3-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. They are generally very well behaved, but obviously need attention and care which I cannot provide while I am working. My husband will be around sometimes, but he is normally gone for his "9-to-5" job. There may be some times that I can be with the kids and I may ask you to do some light housekeeping (vacuum, load the dishwasher, etc.), but your primary job is to watch the kiddies. We do prefer a female to care for our children.

A typical day for you will be from about 8:00 a.m. to maybe around 6:00 p.m., and there will be some various days off. So basically, we can get you to work about a 40-hour week for $15/hr. Not bad...and it won't be a difficult job, I promise :-)

One thing that I need to go ahead and mention is that we are a nudist household. You will not be required to be unclothed, but you must be comfortable around us when we are. This is completely natural and non-sexual. We realize this may limit our candidate pool, but it is the home lifestyle that we believe in...and we choose not to change that. I'm sure you respect that. If you are interested, please respond by telling me a little bit about yourself, and we will go from there. I would like to have someone starting within the next couple weeks. Thanks, and I hope to hear from you very soon! Beverly
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... the mom was very nice and explained that they were a normal family except that they choose to be nude in their house. The weekly wage is so much better than what I get now, and long term (I have a temp job). So I was just wondering if you could ask everyone if they would work for a nudist family.

Your Thoughts: Do Looks Really Matter?

I am a Nanny in CA and am getting seriously discouraged now. I have been actively seeking a new position for the last three months and so far nothing has panned out. :( I use Craigslist, sittercity and Care.com to both post a profile/ad and answer childcare ads. I get a lot of interest, go to a few interviews..then never hear back again. I don't know if this is due to the economy or if I am doing something wrong. I have all the qualities a good Nanny should have: Flexibility, a clean driving record, a college degree, CPR certification/Clean background checks and many yrs of childcare experience as both a mother and a Nanny. My ads are well-written and many people tell me they were impressed by my ad so they want to meet me. I show up to the interview on time and click so much with the families that I end up staying more than an hour not only playing with their children, but also being shown around the house where everything is located that I will need to know when I "start." Then nothing. Nada. I get no e-mail, text message or phone call letting me know they have decided on another Nanny. I am just left in the cold. This is tough on my job search because I never know which job I have or not.

My neighbors (a middle-aged married couple) have advised me that since I am attractive (not to be conceited), I probably am not hired because since some of the men work from home or will be relieving me, the wives are afraid I might be a "distraction" for them. Granted, I am not a supermodel, yet I know I am better than average in the looks dept. Could this be the case? Or am I doing something else wrong here? When I show up for the interviews, I am ALWAYS dressed conservatively and act accordingly. Please help! I need a position ASAP as my savings is getting low and I don't know how I will make rent in Sept if I don't get hired. Sorry to sound so panicky, but it is what it is. Thank you guys so much...please no mean stuff. That would be the last thing I need to hear right now.

Advice on Best and Worst Baby Gear?

I'm a nanny who is planning on having my first child soon and thought it would be interesting to hear what nannies believe is the best and worst baby gear available today. I know most of you have used multiple types and brands with different families, so please share! I personally plan on being a hippy baby wearing mom, but not completely becoming an attachment parent. I want the cloth diapers, homemade baby food, wooden toys and kanoe baby hammock (then straight to twin bed, no crib). Love to hear from all you :)

Why I Am Leaving

I have a secret. A big secret, and I am keeping it to myself. The reason why I am keeping it to myself is because you have a big mouth. In addition to the gossiping, your lack of support to other staff members is ridiculous. You are technically the assistant director, however, as many staff members know, the only reason why you have your job and title is because it was created for you based on the fact that you are friends with the right people.

You always tell us (the staff) to call when we need you. That is a load of crap. When the cook needs you to support her, you act like you are so busy, when in reality you are either sitting on your butt or in the administrator's office, where you spend the majority of your time. The cook has a disability that prevents her from exceeding a certain weight requirement. Every Tuesday, she has to put the entire food order away because you won't help her. You are aware of the disability, however, you choose to ignore it.

When we (my co-teacher and I) had a toilet that overflowed several weeks ago, we called you to assist us in cleaning it up. You said that if you came back there, you would puke and we would have to clean it up. The mess sat for twenty minutes before you sent in another teacher to assist us, when you could've done it yourself. That is part of the job as assistant director: filling in for the center director on her off days, and supporting the teachers when needed. During this twenty minutes, we had to greet parents as they came to pick up their children, conduct a learning center, supervise the children on the other side of the classroom, make sure the mess (which contained poop and pee) didn't spill out into the hallway, re-route children to the other bathrooms in the hallway and make sure all the children were safe. Had you been in there, things would have been a lot smoother. Instead, you ignored us and our needs, demonstrating your lack of being a team player and support for the teachers.

Aside from the fact that you don't appear to be a team player, the thing that really gets me is how bad you gossip. Your favorite target is me, and I believe it was you that told the director about my lack of listening and communication with the parents in my room. I was told that several parents came to the director and complained about this, however, the week that they supposedly complained, she was on vacation - how could they complain to her when she was gone for a week? I honestly feel in my heart that not one person complained; I do feel that I may have said something that was taken out of context, which was mentioned to you by a teacher, and you added way more to what was said than needed. In other words, you added things to what I said to make me look like a bad teacher.

I am so sick of you. Really, I am. This past week, I took some children to lunch and swimming on my off day with parental permission. When I arrived to pick the children up, I am told by my director that several children were upset that they couldn't go, and that one child broke down in tears because she thought it was a popularity contest to go swimming with me. That was not the case. Anyone was welcome to go with parental permission. I felt really bad for thinking that I made a child cry, and was tempted to change my mind about going since a child was upset. I had fun swimming, however, in the back of my mind, I wondered if what I was told was true.

I talked with the cook and both school age teachers, who told me that NOBODY cried or was upset. Once again, I was lied to by my director, who I believe got the supposed information from you. You opened your mouth once again about me, making me look like a bad person because only certain children were allowed to go with me.

If I went to any member of administration with my concerns, it would be denied, so I am not going to bother. I think I have it figured out why you keep talking about me: you are jealous. The reason why you are jealous is because I can text/call your neighbor anytime and ask her if I can take her daughters out. You and your neighbor are friends from what I heard, and pretty good friends at that. I think this eats at you, and you are using this jealousy to spread gossip and get me fired. I think you are waiting for me to do or say something that you can use against me because the day I took your friend's daughters shopping a few months ago, just like last week, it got on your nerves.

Thank you to the office assistant who made me feel like less than a person a few weeks ago. You are aware that I am in the classroom full time right? Or does that not matter to you? It didn't most recently, and to be perfectly honest, not acknowledging the fact that I am a teacher in my classroom was the lowest thing I have ever experienced in my entire career. I wanted to thank you for that, and I look forward to you leaving at the end of the summer when school starts.

My secret? I am leaving in two weeks. I am leaving teachers that I love and admire, parents who are wonderful, and children that I have seen grow over the last three years. The reason why I am leaving is because of you, dear "assistant director", due to the fact that I cannot work in a place where I am constantly made to feel bad about myself. I also cannot deal with the gossip and the fact that I cannot trust my own boss anymore. However, when I am asked why I am leaving, I will say that I found a job with more flexibility, better pay and more hours. I will keep the fact that your gossip as the reason why I am leaving to myself.

Should Nanny Just Go with the Flow?

Hi all, I need some advice! I recently left my live-in nanny position for a live-out role. The 3 boys I used to look after now have a new nanny and I have a new position with a beautiful little girl. Whilst I was nannying with the 3 boys, we attended a local playgroup. The youngest C (now 20 months) and I both made great friendships and I vowed to go back with my new charge and C's mum said she would let the new nanny know about the playgroup, in the hope she would take him back too.

Today, H (my new charge) and I went to the playgroup and C and his new nanny were there. It was so great to see him and he came over and gave me big cuddles and was 'chatting' away, it was a great 'reunion' as such. However, when it came time to pack up, or when I walked away with H, C wanted me to pick him up, he wanted to come too. I felt really bad. Not only for C, who was probably really confused, but for his new nanny as well. What do I do? Do I distance myself while we are at playgroup, so that C can form a new relationship with his new nanny? Or do I just go with the flow? After all, it is only once a week that we will be in such close confines with each other. Any advice would be great!!

Any Advice for a Pro?

I am a semi professional nanny who is taking the leap to pro. What I mean by that is I have worked off and on for a variety of families in the past five years and I am now taking the leap to a full time live in nanny. The family I will be working for has seven kids but I will only be caring for three as the others are in school. Does anyone have any advice? Oh I forgot to mention it is located about 3 hours from my home where my fiance and family as well as all friends live. PS: miss cl wtf.