Monday

Your Thoughts: Do Looks Really Matter?

opinion 2 I am a Nanny in CA and am getting seriously discouraged now. I have been actively seeking a new position for the last three months and so far nothing has panned out. :( I use Craigslist, sittercity and Care.com to both post a profile/ad and answer childcare ads. I get a lot of interest, go to a few interviews..then never hear back again. I don't know if this is due to the economy or if I am doing something wrong. I have all the qualities a good Nanny should have: Flexibility, a clean driving record, a college degree, CPR certification/Clean background checks and many yrs of childcare experience as both a mother and a Nanny. My ads are well-written and many people tell me they were impressed by my ad so they want to meet me. I show up to the interview on time and click so much with the families that I end up staying more than an hour not only playing with their children, but also being shown around the house where everything is located that I will need to know when I "start." Then nothing. Nada. I get no e-mail, text message or phone call letting me know they have decided on another Nanny. I am just left in the cold. This is tough on my job search because I never know which job I have or not.

My neighbors (a middle-aged married couple) have advised me that since I am attractive (not to be conceited), I probably am not hired because since some of the men work from home or will be relieving me, the wives are afraid I might be a "distraction" for them. Granted, I am not a supermodel, yet I know I am better than average in the looks dept. Could this be the case? Or am I doing something else wrong here? When I show up for the interviews, I am ALWAYS dressed conservatively and act accordingly. Please help! I need a position ASAP as my savings is getting low and I don't know how I will make rent in Sept if I don't get hired. Sorry to sound so panicky, but it is what it is. Thank you guys so much...please no mean stuff. That would be the last thing I need to hear right now.

36 comments:

Truth Seeker said...

In the Nanny profession, being attractive is not seen as a good thing. Women by nature can be insecure and if they hire an attractive Nanny who will be in the home when the husband is working, they know this can be a recipe for disaster. Also if the husband will be having any type of contact with the Nanny either when she comes or when she leaves and the mother will not be around, this also is a recipe for disaster.

Sure there are many women who trust their husbands and never feel threatened, but for the most part...not many women would want their husbands in the company of an attractive woman in the privacy of their own home. Too risky.

Since you are attractive..no shame in saying so by the way, I would just try to tone down my beauty as much as possible and try to look matronly. Perhaps where your hair in a ponytail every day, wear little or no make-up and keep your clothes athletic and not too revealing. Refrain from fragrance and jewelry and always act in a professional manner.

If I were married and had a pretty Nanny, it would be very distracting and I would always wonder if my husband would have an affair with her. Yes, I can be insecure. This would only be if the Nanny is prettier than I am. If she was just average, then there would be no issue.

Wow said...

Lol... laughing at Truth Seeker's last few sentences, "Yes, I can be insecure. This would only be if the Nanny is prettier than I am. If she was just average, then there would be no issue." Laughing because have you seen Arnold Schwarzenegger's housekeeper? Not exactly a beauty queen. If a man is a dog, it doesn't matter what the nanny looks like, and if the nanny is a home wrecker, it doesn't matter. If a wife is insecure, she shouldn't have a nanny.

OP, be yourself. Sounds like you are a qualified, modest person. Be patient and the right job will come along. Have you considered an agency? Or maybe consider part-time work until a full-time job comes through.

Just curious - why aren't you collecting unemployment? If you were paid on the books at your last job and if you left because they didn't need you anymore, you should be eligible for unemployment.

I hope you find something soon!

Wow said...

Truth Seeker...

My first sentence is not meant to offend you. I was just making a point that looks often aren't a factor in a husband cheating.

Truth Seeker said...

@Wow:
No worries...no offense taken.
And YOU did bring up a good point regarding looks. Yep, I live in CA and Mr. S's Nanny/Housekeeper was not even as pretty as Maria Shriver I agree. Also, remember Jude Law? He was dating beautiful Sienna Miller at the same time he was banging the Nanny who couldn't even hold a candle in the looks dept of his GF.

I never thought of it from that perspective, but you are right on.

Village said...

Even the prettiest girl can wash off the glam. Don't wear any make up, wear over sized clothes, and don't wash your hair, and see what happens.

I was a pretty nanny at one time, but when it came to hiring one, I wanted fat middle aged. No point in taking any chances.

Phoenix said...

Yes looks matter for everything. It sounds shallow but I have been watching people and how they interact with one another since I was a teen. They say whats on the iside counts but no one wants to get to know whats on the inside of an ugly person. I am a very attractive female. I will get chosen first out of a group no matter what it is. That is only by the men. Most women do not like me and my friends won't let me come over to meet their new boyfriends until they have been with them long enough so that way they don't want to date me instead. It doesn't matter that I have been with my husband since I was 15 and I would never betray my friends like that. Nor would I ever hurt put my family in a bad place. They still don't care. They don't want me around for their new men to even get the idea. But it is what it is I guess.

MissMannah said...

Of course looks matter, we don't live in a blind society. But I doubt that's what is going on here, I kind of think your neighbors have gotten you riled up over nothing. It is not a nanny's market right now and it is possible that everyone you've been interviewing with has been inundated with nannies clamoring for the job.

You said you "never know which job" you have. Well, I'll make it easy for you. You don't have any of the jobs until they give you a formal offer and you both sign the contract. I've had loads of families give me the tour and tell me they'd love to have me "join their family" and then disappear off the face of the earth. Cut 'em loose. Have you been following up with your top picks? It may come off as pushy, but I come out and tell the families I really want that they're at the top of my list and that my references are expecting their calls. Try to schedule a 2nd interview before you leave.

Don't worry about the looks thing. You don't want to work for some insecure hag anyway because that's bound to go downhill in a couple of months regardless. If you're getting desparate for money, you might just have to take a crappy retail or daycare job for a few months while you continue the search. It sucks but it is better than settling for a family that isn't worth it.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I think looks do matter and if a wife is insecure in her marriage,she will not hire you no matter how qualified you are. It doesn't seem fair to me, but then again..life is never fair, is it? Especially in the Nanny World. *sigh*

I agree that a lot of women are insecure (as opposed to men) and even those that are not, will not hire a Nanny who is more attractive than they are. If you are an attractive Nanny, you should turn it down a notch and try to look as dowdy as you can.

Nanny Lexy said...

I've also had this problem in the past. Now I never wear make up, always have my hair in a pony tail, and wear frumpy clothing and never have problems getting work. I totally understand a mothers insecurity about hiring a pretty nanny. I've had quite a few friends tell me they would never hire a pretty nanny. This is one of the few jobs where good looks count against you.

Pretty Nanny said...

I work for 2 gay dads and they are open in saying that they wanted someone attractive as their nanny, firstly because they are obsessed with looks and secondly, they didn't want to be embarrassed if someone thought the nanny was the kids' mom or their wife!!!

Nanny E said...

Wow Phoenix, conceited much?

Miranda said...

Nanny Lexy...how true. This is one profession where good looks can be a deal-breaker.

It's very refreshing to hear such honesty on here. ☺

Anonymous said...

You sound lovely, but I agree, tone down your looks a bit. Loose clothes, crew-neck type necklines, hair up, minimal makeup. Just human nature to not want a cutie around your house :) We had a mom on our street who hired the cutest little au pair, skinny little thing, and there she was, wearing lovely little tight dresses, she was lovely really. Well, I think you can guess how this story ends....

Annie

phoenixisnotattractive said...

Phoenix,

Uh, I can see your pic on your blogger profile and you do not look all that attractive. normally I would not be so rude but you asked for it with all of that conceited bragging. You are cute at best but hardly very attractive or even hot. Kind of look like trailer park trash..Just sayin'

Fan of Phoenix (sometimes) said...

phoenixisnotattractive - quite simply, bullshit. Phoenix, I think you're very pretty. Not sure if you wear make-up or not but I can tell that if you were fixed up for a night out you'd be hot. Don't hate people, just because Phoenix isn't afraid to speak her mind!

phoenixisnotattractive said...

Not hating. Just speaking the truth. I have no problem admitting when a female is attractive...and imo, she is not.

♥♥ Leslie ♥♥ said...

phoenixisnotattractive...what do you think about Elena and Just My Two Cents and Blythe? How come you never said they were not attractive??

By the way, be brave and show us what you look like. No cheating!! ☺ ☻

Texas Nanny said...

I'm surprised no one has mentioned here the other way that looks count with nannies - fitness! I find it funny that so many families don't want an attractive nanny, but they want someone young and energetic to keep up with the kids.

If you want young, and you want fit, but you don't want attractive... where does that leave you? Not a lot of options!

I'm a fairly attractive nanny who wears make-up and yes, my skirts tend to run a little short because I'm taller than average, but my bosses and I get along great. The thing is I chose to work mostly for WAHMs. I see my DB for maybe 15 minutes a day before he leaves for work, and the occasional day when my MB is out of town. The most important thing in my job is that my MB and I get along since we spend all day together, not whether or not I look good in a bikini when I take the kids to the pool.

phoenixisnotattractive said...

Leslie,

Plain and simple-the other people you mentioned dont go bragging about how incredibly attractive they are when they clearly are not.

Phoenix said...

Women who say that they don't think other women are attractive actually do and are jealous. Every woman has beauty in some way.

Ya if I actually get sleep and don't look like zombie I am much better. As I did apologize for the way I looked because of my lack of sleep. haters just wish they could look as good as I do on a bad day. LOL. The thing that makes me attractive is not only that I am different than most assembly line women is that i am actually really fun to be around. And I am confident and have a great sense of humor. Personality goes a long way. I don't believe in anything fake. I don't dye my hair or even get my nails done. To be honest "phoenixisnotattractive" is the only one who ever said that she thought I was unattractive so to me that just means you are jealous and I will take that as a compliment. And you don't have the guts to post your pic or even give a moniker that doesn't have my name in it. Obsessed much?

Faye said...

PHoenix,

Umm...She's not the only one who thinks you aren't as attractive as you think you are..being conceited is obnoxious and VERY unattractive, even in a beautiful woman. You, my friend, are not that...and you defending yourself and bragging EVEN MORE just makes you sound like an annoying bitch. People who are truly beautiful and have great personalities don't feel the need to remind people about it all the damn time..get over yourself!!

Phoenix said...

I'm not reminding anyone. I said once that I am attractive because we were talking about the OP who asked if attractiveness matters. And I made an example of what happens in my life. Then I was asked to post a photo then I defended myself. I am not conceded. Actually far from it. I am only a bitch to people who deserve it. Sorry if you don't like confidence but growing up being picked on for being different then growing into confidence is a wonderful thing. I don't let people get me down. Sorry if that bothers people. I can't help you for being a hater.

NannyK said...

Lol Phoenix you are not attractive at all. You do look like trailer park trash! It's so funny to finally see a picture of you since you've been bragging about how beautiful you are since day 1.

The other girls with pics ARE actually attractive which is why no one is saying they aren't.

Socal Mom said...

Phoenix,
I trust my husband but I wouldn't want to hire an attractive young woman as a nanny if she was my husband's "type". You're not so I would hire you if we clicked and your references were solid. I think it goes both ways: would a husband want a hunky male hanging around his house?

one mans opinion said...

Wow, why are some of you ladies so mean? What's wrong with Phoenix being confident, does that make her ugly? I actually think, if done without conceit, it makes a woman more appealing.

Phoenix said...

Oh well. like I said. It doesn't really matter what people think over the internet by one picture that was taken with a cell phone with two hours of sleep. I'm a very attractive woman. I'm told that every single day by strangers. i've been scouted by modeling agencies but my husband would never let join them. So I'm sorry but you can't knock away my confidence because I know what I am and I am proud of it.

Oh yes. What did hurt a little was being called trailer trash. 'Scuse me my family are Rednecks. Get it right! LOL

Phoenix said...

@one mans opinion

The reason they think that I am ugly is because they think that I am a bitch. When in all reality I'm not. I don't say mean things to anyone nor have I retaliated in any way. Women are catty and I know that. I feel like highschool. Where there is a circle of girls all standing there whispering. "OMG! Did you see what she was wearing? That makes her look so trashy. And really what is with her? She thinks she is soo pretty when she's not. OMG. I can't stand her. I can't even believe that she thinks she looks so good. Like what the hell was she thinking?"

Then they all start chirping away. That is how women are. When they don't like someone they really don't like someone and that makes them take away their ability to be neutral and offer opinions with bias. Usually women who act like this are in denial about themselves and usually envy those they do this to. Women don't like it when other women are confident about themselves because it makes them appear dull. If they can't be your friend, they will talk shit about you even if they know it's not true. So that is why I can't get too mad at them. Older women reverting back to highschool girls. Women are mean and cut throat you just have to know how to deal with them.

Nanny E said...

@ Phoenix,

You are kind of digging yourself into a bigger hole. You keep claiming that all your bragging is due to "confidence". There is a big difference between confidence and being conceited. I agree with the above poster that those who are truly confident don't feel the need to talk about how attractive they are . The op of this post brought up the issue, and she called herself attractive, directly after that she said "not to be conceited". She knew how that might come across, and she acted accordingly. You, however, have not done that. And yes, the people on here who are saying you are ugly are being unkind. I don't think you are ugly, but the way you are acting is very off putting. I was a serious ballet dancer for years, since I was 6 years old. I've seen how vanity and focus on outward appearances can destroy a person. I am not trying to be unkind, I'm just letting you know how it comes across..you may not even be aware of it yourself! Try and focus on other things..you seem to have a quirky, silly sense of humor..focus on that! :)

Phoenix said...

Oh I see. I have to say "not to be conceited" at the end of my statement. Oh. I didn't know the rules. You have to understand that I will let people know that they are not getting to me when they say things like that. I am in no way conceited. Never have been. I was picked on my whole life for being different looking than everyone else. But I am in the line of fire here and I will defend myself. That is not being conceited that is being retalitory

Phoenix said...

and yes I do have a quirky sense of humor. To be honest this is literally the longest conversation I've had on my appearance in forever. But for some reason everyone attacks me. I get attacked when I am mean, when I am nice, and when I am confident. So this argument has made me irritated and in defending myself it came off that I was conceited. I get that. I appreciate the honesty. It is a breath of fresh air.

I don't know how you were able to be a ballet dancer! You must be in such good shape. I tried dancing once. I've been asked to never try that again. LOL

phoenixisnotattractive said...

Phoenix,

You do know that "realitory" is not a word, right?

I never said that she was ugly. I said she was not attractive enough to be bragging about how hot she is and that every guy wants her. That is, in fact, conceited..not confident. So when I looked at her picture I was taken aback because I was expecting a beautiful, hot woman and that is not what I saw..IMO. Maybe in her trailer park she would be considered hot but here in NYC, no one would give her a second glance. Sorry. I feel Phoenix needs to be knocked down off of that pedestal she has put herself on! That's all, folks.

phoenixisnotattractive said...

my apologies-I thought you said realitory not retalitory( which is actually spelled retaliatory which is why I was confused) which makes a lot more sense.

Nanny E said...

@Phoenix, no I get what you are saying..like I said, I might have just read into in a way that you didn't mean..I'm not trying to push "rules" on you, I wish just giving you a suggestion..as I'm sure you know, things can come across strangely at times online..due to people's perception and such. But anyways!

Haha, that's hilarious! Maybe it was just the type of dance you tried? I was always above average in ballet, but was horrible at tap! I could just never get it down. And I don't know if I'm in as good as shape as I used to be! :) I took a hiatus when I was pregnant with my daughter Neve, and after she was born, I got back to my pre pregnancy weight in like 6 weeks! The routines are THAT intense!

MissMannah said...

I just want to jump in and say I've been sitting in the sidelines here, just watching all this nonsense for two days now. Yall are entertaining. I love how some of these reply threads can get so far off topic sometimes.

And I do think Phoenix is pretty. It doesn't matter if any of you don't think she is, but to specifically say you don't think so shows you have a very ugly personality. That's just my opinion...it takes a low woman to point out another's flaws.

Singledaddy said...

Normally i lurk in silence but had to respond to this!

Phoenix, maybe that's a bad pic but you look cheap, not pretty sweetheart. Your boobs sag, you have puffy under eyes and your hair is just hanging. Now, don't get me wrong, if i were single, i would buy you a drink and try to get you home for the night but you have that look. I think you are confusing cheap and easy looking with pretty. I hate to be cruel but you kind of asked for it. I don't think you are conceited more like disillusioned.

OP, as a single dad i would not care what the nanny looked like since my number one concern would be how she would care for the kids. But i can see why some women might be intimidated. I say dress down in the future. dress clean and conservative. But do wash your hair.

Rachel said...

One should not go to an interview looking unkempt and frumpy! You should look neat and presentable. I am what most call attractive, but I have a great resume and come off as someone who loves children. Because of this, I have never had a problem getting a job. I often have the problem of too many offers. It's all about how you come off. Dressing accordingly is not skin tight mini skirts, nor is it baggy jeans and a flannel shirt.