Parent's Visiting Day at Camp

Ethireal Photography

I have a situation that is not good. I am a nanny for two kids who are at sleep away camp. The girl's parent's weekend is towards the end of July and the mother has planned a trip to tour California Vineyards with her Fiance.  She told me that she will need me to "work" that day and "drive up to see "Girl", have lunch with her, bring her a care package and spend the day with her.

The problem is that the father and his new wife dote on the children. The new wife's involvement is to the chagrin of the bio mom who really seems indifferent. She doesn't think missing the visit is any big deal at all. She doesn't want to tell her daughter, least she tell her father and he ask for the second visiting day. The mom has Saturday and he has Sunday.

I have only been their nanny for six months. There is a third child that is not old enough for sleep away camp yet. I like the girl and I know she likes me, but she doesn't like me to the degree that I am a suitable replacement for a parent at visiting day. I feel like she is putting me and her daughter in a terrible position and I don't know how to deal with it. She doesn't ask me things so much as tell me things.

I'd really like to tip off the father or his new wife, "accidentally". The mom wants me to go just so the new wife doesn't get "extra time"but she doesn't put in any time herself. Ever. ????

Are you a nanny struggling with a difficult situation? Email isynblog@gmail.com.

Seeking Advice on Team Composition...

Victor-Gabriel Gilber

I am looking to fill some jobs at our new home. We used to live in the city. As city dwellers, more people had access to our home, we used two cleaning services. Things were easier to take care of. We are almost settled at our home in Connecticut and I have been interviewing for staff. What I am finding is if I find a nanny I like, she doesn't seem like she would be a good fit with the housekeeper. When they do look like a good fit, it is because they are too much alike and then I wonder if they would compete over who does what. Has anyone had experience in successfully hiring a team of sisters? I was thinking 2 or 3 sisters. My other thought is a couple. But I would want them to be older, and would want the female to do the childcare, which would mean the male would be in charge of the housekeeping. I am really at wit's end trying to find the right team.  I need a nanny to work 55 hours, a housekeeper/laundress and sou chef to work 35-45 and a personal assistant to work about 20. If the personal assistant does the chef prep, then maybe closer to 30 hours. I am seeking advice from people because this is an adjustment from all of us and I would like to install a team that is permanent. I don't want to do this again in a year or even two. Any suggestions? We have three children, two will be in school in the fall.

email isynblog@gmail.com with your rants, stories and questions.

... "I have non stop Charlie horses in my hamstrings and I'm eating bananas like there's no tomorrow!"

Carolee Clark

  I am on week 2 of a six week vacation at the family's house in a beach town. The area is hyper stylized and I feel out of place most times. Making this worse is that the Mom wants to bike ride everywhere. She has outfits and a floppy hat and a cute bike with a basket. I have a business grey cycle with a carrier trailer on the back which I have one heavy four year old in.

    And she complains that I go to slow and keeps saying things like, "well at least this will get you in shape". She literally has never used the carrier cycle or the hardcore bike with gears. She has a fancy, big tired, beach cruiser. The most she has ever carried in her basket is some pastries!  She likes to bike in to town for breakfast or lunch. I look like a sweaty, disgusting mess.

      I don't know the point of this. It's like she wants everything her way and gives nothing. When she is sitting across the table from me, she grimaces at my sweaty brow and matted hair. The one time I left to go wash my face in the sink, I came back and the 4 year old was at another person's table with his finger in their orange juice and she was on her phone and looked at me like, "Where were you". I cannot do it all. I am completely exhausted.

     The final insult to this injury is that I got paid twice already and didn't say anything but I got paid the exact same amount that I usually get paid.  This morning she said her husband was coming in for the day only today and he would leave my Friday check. I asked her, "do you think I could get some of my overtime on that check so I could go shopping or something in my free time?" She looked at me like I had three heads.  I said, "I don't usually work Saturday and Sunday or such long days, I just assumed..." She wrinkled her nose and said, "Sweetheart, look around you, this is the life, you are in East Hampton." Now it was my turn to look confused. She said, "Clearly you'll get what's coming to you". Now I am not even sure what she meant. Meanwhile I have non stop Charlie horses in my hamstrings and I'm eating bananas like there's no tomorrow!

Email your situation to isynblog@gmail.com.

Bad Nanny/Au Pair Sighting at White Plains Nordstrom

Where: Nordstrom White Plains, NY
When: 7/8/2015 4:30ish
Description of the Nanny: I saw Your Nanny, or liikely Au Pair, straight reddish blonde hair, pink and white striped blouse, denim capris, white flip flops, no make up, carrying a yellow leather bag with a lion face on it.
Description of the child: "Nathan" White, brown hair, curls, unsure of eyes. Wearing a red t-shirt with yellow writing on it, blue dress shorts and brown sandals. The sandals were brown and green leather.
Incident: The nanny was shopping for bras and really short with the kid who wouldn't stay by her side. She kept yelling "Nathan" and he wouldn't answer because he was being his age and not enjoying her shopping. He hid in a rack of clothes. She huffed over to retreieve each time and each time got progressively rougher. I swear she almost dislocated his arm. She would hold his hand and continue looking at bras and then she would drop his hand as she picked an item and looked at it more closely. As soon as she dropped his hand, he was off. This repeated several times. Then he sat down on her foot and started hitting her on the shins saying he wanted his mommy. "I WANT MY MOMMY I WANT MY MOMMY".  She grabbed him up by the neck of his shirt and told him, "you are rotten, rotten," She threw the things in her hands down and took off to the escalator where she he continued to cry and she just help him with his arm bent back with a pissed off look on her face. As other people passed her by she would say,"you cannot behave like this in a store Nathan, this is not okay, we are going outside". I was going outside to talk to her, planning to approach her and ask if she needed help but we lost them! If you know Nathan's au pair (I can't place her accent but it wasn't run of the mill), let the parents know to observe her when she isn't expecting it and draw their own conclusions.

Mom wants 7 week old Preemies to Cry it Out...

 Marsela Hajdinjak

   I am a professional nanny and my services are highly sought. I interview with families and let them know honestly what my philosophy is and I do that so I make a good match.

   I don't work long term jobs anymore, because I travel, so I take assignments that are anywhere to between 1 week and 3 months. This last job I took is to go through labor Day.

    I am taking care of twins that are seven weeks old. They had a baby nurse for the first week and found a nanny they liked but she had a delay to when she could start so I am filling the void.
I am working 8-8 Sunday-Thursday.

   The problem I have is that I told them I was not in favor of cry it out and specifically that I thought that was cruel.  The mom is obsessed with getting them on a schedule, eating and sleeping. Again, they are only seven weeks old and were born almost 3 weeks premature.  Because the days are so long and because I live in the city and they in Bergen County, I am living in during the work week. This means I have to hear the tortured cries of these children!

Most of my clients have been in the city, and in Greenwich, CT. I am curious how common this is in NJ? Is the predominate feeling among educated, upper class people to allow their children to cry it out?  If you were a nanny or a parent who wanted your child on a strict schedule and wanted to have the child cry it out, but no longer believe in that, is there something that swayed your opinion that I could possibly bring to this mother's attention? These are her first children. I was thinking of getting her a copy of the fourth trimester. I don't want to come across as a know it all because the job will really set me up well for my next extracurricular adventure and I enjoy collecting references from the families I work for, especially the more long term assignments.

Before I resign myself to sleeping in noise canceling headphones, should I attempt to convince the mom that it is too soon to put the children on a schedule or to let them CIO?  While I have the children, she is not involved very much, at least she puts no requirements on me except as to when the last feeding of the day will be and the first, and that she does not want the babies to sleep from 430-7PM. Beyond that, I do not let them cry. I am not a baby nurse, just a nanny, but I think it's really odd and cruel that she lets them cry during the night. She sets and alarm to wake, feed and change them. And then she returns them to bed.  I don't get in to the specifics of it with her because I do the tummy time and swing time and walks, so I am there to respond to them immediately. I don't change their diapers on a schedule, but as needed. I hold them,rock them, sing to them. Mom seems to have the daily time of 7-9 as baby time. Literally, scheduled on the calendar. Like that is when her and her husband put the babies on the floor and hang out with them at night and then feed them and put them to bed.

Email ISYN at isynblog@gmail.com.

The Casual Acquaintance's Crappy Nanny

Elemental Photography

What is the best way to approach the employer of a nanny that is your neighbor? This woman lives in the associated building next door. Her son and my son know each other from school and recognize each other at the park. My son is excited to play with him, but her son has very poor impulse control and no direct supervision. The boys are both three years old. The nanny is always talking to other nannies, not even looking in the direction of the children or playground. This puts me in the position of having to redirect the hitting child or removed my son from playing with him with very firm reasoning. "You are not playing with a child who continues to hit/spit/kick (take your pick) you." I could simply do this but many people try to keep their child away from him, some complain to the nanny. The nanny always looks at them like they are nuts and says, "they are children, they are playing, he don't like it, play somewhere else". As a formerly working mother, this really troubles me, because her child is getting a bad reputation and learning some very bad habits. It wouldn't take much at all to supervise the children a little closer. There is a nanny there who supervises two twins who seem to be four. One has a little more freedom and the other she sticks to because he, despite knowing better, will put anything in his mouth. Because of her presence, she is there to redirect him, even give him a look or remove him from the situation. It isn't rocket science. What it comes down to is I think the 3 year old has a piss poor nanny. The regard she shows him in public is troubling enough, I can't imagine what happens behind closed doors.  I don't know this woman, she is merely a very casual acquaintance that I met through a preschool function and have since then waved a polite hello to.I'm not looking to become a friend, or an enemy.. but for the sake of the child I feel I need to approach her about it. I just don't know how.

Dealing with Unpleasant Parents in a Daycare Setting

Hi everyone! I'm sure some of you have childcare center experience prior to becoming a nanny, and I would love your thoughts. On the flipside, I know some of you have dealt with parents like the one I am about to describe, and I would love to know how to deal with this family, as I have never dealt with one like them before. Surprising.

I work in a childcare center, and our sick child policy is pretty clear-if we send a child home with a fever of 101.1 or higher, they must be picked up in an hour and can return to the center fever and med free within 24 hours. If I send a child home with a fever at 1030a, they have until 1130 to be picked up and can return to the center anytime after 1130 the next day, providing they are fever and medicine free. Most of our families are prompt in pick up and they do not bring their child back the next day. It's not fun leaving work to pick up a sick child, but it's part of being a parent.

I have a child transitioning into my classroom from our one year old room. and when K (his current teacher in the 1 room) brought him to our room, she said she called Mom, because he has a fever, but it wasn't high enough for him to go home. It was easy to tell by looking at him he wasn't feeling well, and our class went outside. When we came back in, I checked his temp to see if by chance the fever broke. It went down slightly, but spiked again. I took his temp again, and let a member of admin know I was calling Mom to pick him up. Mom has a tendency not to answer her phones, so I was surprised that I actually got in contact with her. She wanted me to take his temp again, considering at this time it was over 101, which meant he had to go home. They have been there for two weeks, and I understand they are still trying to familiarize themselves with our policy manual, yet she told me she was at work, and couldn't pick him up until 1230-130ish, which was clearly over the policy time. She sounded like she didn't want to be bothered with such trivial matters, and other teachers have gotten the same impression, as if she doesn't want to be bothered with sick children or a child's needs. Through a phone call to admin, and six calls to Mom and Mom's boyfriend, he was finally picked up. Mom's recation? " 'If he's sick that isn't my problem, because I have to work' ".

Other teachers who know the family have said they don't care for the Mom, as she seems to not care about her children: she ignores calls, doesn't return calls, drops off early as possible and picks up at 600p every night, ignores teachers notes on development and what her children (the 1 and 2 year old specifically) need; diapers. wipes, etc. She doesn't even bother to listen to teachers when they talk to her and won't make the time to chat with us. My co teacher's sister has the younger child, and my friends K and A have the 2 year old, who will be in my room full time next week.

This child seems very sweet, considering the fact that he cries literally all day, doesn't talk. and has no social skills. (Mom drives a school bus, and for the last year, he would ride the bus with her all day). I don't like having negative impressions or attitudes of children or families, and for me not to like a family or a parent is rare.

How do I deal with this parent? I'm thinking in all honesty they will leave soon due to being angry with the policies and the fact she has to be a mother, and can't be lazy. I think she wants to be coddled, and I cannot do that.

Thoughts?

The Nanny's Monday #1

What does your Monday look like? Email isynblog@gmail.com with your pictures.

Lots of coffee in SF

They never use the diaper genie right. 

When the kids are dressed for the park when you get there at 8AM.

Most of these are for me.

83 degrees at 9 AM. Not complaining. This is my office.

This is not how I leave the kitchen at the end of the day.

Monday

When the laundry room runs into the playroom.

Mom was going to take them Sunday afternoon but her salon appointment went long, so this was the first order of business today.

I'm never late. I called my boss and told her I was running late. I got there, she was understanding and had run out to get me coffee and and egg bagel! Good Monday morning to you!

ISYN The Rants #17 "Going With Someone Else"

     Of course I would never say this to a family, but in my mind I am. I just got home from work (I nanny part time on weekends and MB made me feel better about what happened. I interviewed for a full time position with another family and M interviewed me, as D was at work. M literally said during the interview she had a good feeling about me, how much she loved my background and the fact that I jumped right in and helped with twin infants and a 3 year old, not asking what needs to be done. She also mentioned that she willing to find a carpool for me so I didn't have to pick up the older child from school, as it would've messed with the twins' schedule. M even stated during the first interview that her sister had a nanny in a major nanny market city and the nanny there took her job seriously, whereas the nanny here (where we live) felt like it was a privilege, acting clueless in the beginning and continuing to do so even six months later. During the interview, I was polite, listened and spoke from the heart. I sent references, all of which speak highly of me. By the way she spoke and things she said, she led me to believe I had the job when I left that Saturday morning. She even talked me up to D, whom I met a few days later. I went over that particular evening thinking I was signing a work agreement. We got along well, and are similar in personality. To my surprise, I got the email thanking me for my time, but they hired someone else. This kind of got to me, especially since I was led on...

     Thanks for your response. I'm kind of bummed to hear you went with someone else, considering you led me on to believe that I was hired.

     So tell me, was it my yellow shirt and yellow purse? Was I too well dressed? Did I look too professional? Am I overexperienced? You yourself said everything you wanted in a nanny, and I did my best to sell myself, and thought I did a good job doing so. In fact, you made it seem like you hired me based on things you said during the first interview, and the fact that you talked me up to DB, pointing out my experience, credentials, and education.

     Does my ten year old car with a loud muffler, scratches on the side, rust in the wheel wells and a missing driver side mirror not look right in your neighborhood, let alone in your driveway? Am I too fat? Did I appear to be out of breath climbing the stairs? Did you hear me breathe heavy? (I do that when I am nervous) Did my first outfit hurt your eyes, considering I had on a bright shirt with a bright bag, and when I came over again I had on khakis and a orange polka dot shirt. Was my second outfit not professional looking enough? Do I, as a plus size gal not look right in your home and neighborhood, considering your neighbor is a newscaster?

     I thought we got along well. Or were your jokes and light hearted humor a way for me to let my guard down and come out of my shell. Was that my test? Did I appear uncomfortable with specific questions? I understand wanting to know your nanny, but does my relationship status or living arrangments have anything to do with my ability to do my job? I don't speak to my father because he screwed me up mentally, and I lost my mother at an early age-does my relationship with my father and how often I see him have anything to do with the job? Lastly, I currently work in a childcare center, and why would you want to know what kind of reviews we have unless you are planning to move and take your kids there? Last but not least, is it because I am a fan of a football team with whom your team has a rivalry?
   

Devin Crane

 I'm a career nanny, and I take my job seriously, know the nanny industry well, and yes, I wanted a work agreement and taxes withheld. You mentioned that your other nannies worked for cash under the table; I gently pointed out that if I apply for a loan or line of credit, they will need to verify my income as a nanny. Should they not be able to do so, it would cause a headache for both of us, which I wanted to avoid. Was it the fact that as a professional nanny with a work agreement and taxes, did that cause a concern?

     In short, there was no reason to lead me on, nor was there no reason not to hire me, considering my background, credentials and the fact we got along well. You said you wanted a professional nanny, and I walked in and sat down. You were paying a decent market salary for our area, and wanted someone who was worth your time. I am that person, and I did my best to try to make you see that.

     Three nannies in three years-not bad, but I question that. If you didn't hire me, I am curious as to who you hired and if she had newer vehicle, a nice shape, a boyfriend/husband, and if she is the kind of nanny you said in the interview you didn't want. I'm not upset. Just disappointed, and I felt like I was judged by you on the basis of my car, my looks and overall appearance. I am not sorry for being a career nanny, that I worked as hard as I have to get where I am, or that I am who I am.

     Oh well, your loss is another family's gain. Someone will hire me and appreciate me for me, the way my part time family does. It just wasn't you, and in a way I am happy about that.

     As my MB (my part time family) said " 'they sound confused, like they didn't know what they wanted. Sounds like they wanted a professional nanny, pay a professional nanny salary, but didn't want to deduct taxes and hire someone who probably isn't a professional. For us to hire you was a no brainer' ".

      I have a phone interview scheduled tomorrow.

ISYN The Rants - To the Full of Herself, Posing SAHM

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Fourth of July Reads for Children

GoodReads

Red White and Boom by Lee Wardlaw. It’s the Fourth of July! Travel across the country for a city parade, a beach picnic, and fireworks in the park in this poetic celebration of the many cultures and traditions that make America’s birthday BOOM!

No Time for Flashcards

Apple Pie Fourth of July by Janet S. Wong is an awesome book. I am always awed by authors who can tackle complicated “adult” issues in the pages of a children’s book successfully. In this case the issue is first generation identity and immigration, at least that’s my take. The little girl in this book is sulking around her parent’s store on the 4th of July. They are busy making Chinese food for customers she is sure won’t come, she wonders who would want Chinese food on such an American holiday?

Fourth of July, Sparkly Sky (Sparkle ‘n’ Twinkle Books) 

Fourth of July Sparkly Sky by Amanda Haley. Fireworks burst and flags fly. It's our country's birthday -- the fourth of July!

Happy 4th of July Jenny Sweeney by Leslie Kimmelman.
It's the 4th of July and all over town, people are getting ready. Jenny Sweeney gives her dog, Rags, a bath, Mike the fireman polishes the firetruck, and Mayor Swanson works on her speech. All the preparations lead up to the big parade and a night of bright fireworks. It's a great day. "Happy Birthday, USA!"

Amazon

Celebration by Jan Reish Thomas The members of Maggie's African-American family--aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, and all--get together in the backyard to celebrate the Fourth of July with a picnic, jump rope, sparklers, noisy games, and a host of fun-filled activities."

I Pledge Allegiance by June Swanson

The book begins with the 1880s as Henry Ford is building a buggy that runs on gasoline and electric lights coming into homes. Most of the pages contain a paragraph with a matching image, such as the skyscraper that stood eleven stories high being built in Chicago. Next the frontiers were becoming States. In 1888 there was a children's magazine called, the Youth's Companion that was delivered weekly through out the United States. " It was filled with adventure stories"

Amazon

The Golfing Nanny

Question: My nanny has been "teaching" my son to golf on our putting green. She played in college. He likes playing with her and wants to learn more. We belong to a country club. I can have the nanny go with my son and cover everything with our membership. If it is during regular hours, it would be just like going to a movie or swimming, and there would be no extra pay. She doesn't have anywhere to golf so if she takes him on the weekend on her time and we cover everything, including the cart, is that enough? She wants to do this. She offered. She is not a professional. I know the pros at the club get a lot of money for a round. My husband says getting to golf on such a nice course is reward enough. Your thoughts? I think we should pay what we would pay her to work those hours on a Saturday. We want this to be an ongoing thing, so I need to get it right and keep everyone happy. A second, more minor concern is that the club has a strict dress code, and she doesn't seem to have that sort of conservative sports attire. Where is a good place in Westchester to send someone for budget club attire?

How to pay and what to pay are some of our most frequent questions from employers. Email us at isynblog@gmail.com.

Accounts Payable

UpdateBeryl Cook

   Update: I read your responses and reflected ove the past few months.In my defense, I didn't realize how the hair setting came about. I assumed she had offered.  I have spoken to family and they know they are not to ask the nanny for anything.
   I sat down with the nanny and talked about the things I had neglected to pay her for. I explained that I didn't intend to disregard her efforts. I explained that because she acted and was treated like part of the family, sometimes I didn't think of equating money to a task, but that I should and that I was grateful for everything that she did. We agreed that in the future, we would negotiate overtime, date night, dog sitting ahead of schedule. We agreed that she would paid overtime for any hours she worked above and beyond her schedule, regardless of what she was doing. I also asked her if she wanted to do the things she did. She said she absolutely but I made her feel foolish when I didn't pay her. I paid her $1,000 cash, a $400 gift certificate to the salon I get my hair cut and colored. When we had spoken about using the car, she suggested she didn't want to use her car because of the wear and tear, because of modifying the contents an set up of her car for the children. So with that, my husband decided to buy himself a new car and now born is the nanny vehicle, which we will keep full of gas and she can use on the job for anything. I just wanted to say one final thing about this. My nanny is a "yes" person. She offers to do so much for us. Many things I say no to. That is her nature. I find that people like this are often taken advantage of, and while they shouldn't be, look around and see if you have someone in your life who is trying to make your day or world a bit better and do something nice for them! -OP
If you submitted a story, sighting, rant or question to us and have an update, please share it!

Original Post: June 27
  My nanny and I had a disagreement which ended up with both of us saying some things that were not very nice. I don't want to rehash it all, but there is an element of the disagreement that I can make right. She was upset that she had done some extra things over the past few months without appreciation or financial reward. I am going to give her an envelope with a card that says simply I appreciate you and some cash inside. Please help me figure out a good amount to put in the card. I just want to be done with this.
     She makes $1100 per week for 55-58 hours.
     Things we failed to appreciate/thank her for:
-assembling a swing set
-working at a birthday party on a saturday for 23 five year olds (2.5 hours)
-pet siting from Friday night-Monday morning, 2 dogs (two incidents)
-using her vehicle to drive my husband to the train (2 miles round trip, approximate 10 times)
-placing an ad on craigs list for two day laborers, picking them up in her vehicle, taking them to buy supplies at home depot and spending 12 hours supervising them building a doghouse and dog run.
-Both times my mother came to visit, my mother asked her to set her hair. She did.

Send your experiences, sightings and questions to isynblog@gmail.com.

When the Fired Weekend Sitter and Regular Nanny Meet Up

I hired a babysitter to work Saturday & Sundays. She worked for us 6 weekends. Things seemed okay. I was home most of the time so I saw how she interacted with the children. Three Saturdays ago, I came home and my son had a quarter size bruise on his neck, right underneath his chin. I noticed it when I went to kiss him goodnight. In the morning, I asked what happened and he said the "Beth squeezed my neck". I had him show me what he meant. I didn't want to believe it but I could see where that could be a bruise from a thumb.

In the morning, I waited for Beth to arrive. My husband took the children in the backyard. I told her I needed to talk to her. She seemed chipper and unworried. I sat down and told her about the bruise and what my son had said. She told me the she absolutely would never squeeze him or any child anywhere, let alone on his neck. I asked how this happened. She said the only thing she could think of is she was putting on his pajamas and he started to run from her, but she said she didn't think it would have pulled on his neck. She showed me what she was talking about. I didn't know what to do. I told her that I needed to speak to my husband. She said, "should I stay here?" I told her that I would call her and I paid her for Saturday and the full day Sunday. She was very quiet and looked very sad, and wounded.

Rosa Comelles

So I called her on Monday and said that I didn't know what happened, but that we weren't going to have her back. She started crying on the phone hysterically and said, "I can't believe you would think I would do that. I work with children all of the time, This is my reputation you are talking about." It took me five minutes to get her off the phone. I told her I only observed great interaction, but as a mother, I could not let an un-explainable bruise go without explanation. To be honest, at this time, I felt really bad and really torn. I was not sure what had caused the bruise.

Yesterday, my weekday nanny took the children to our neighborhood park and the nanny was there. My son went running up to her and gave her a hug. He introduced the nannies and they talked for awhile, never mentioning a bruise. She said she had babysat my kids before. I told my weekday nanny about the bruise and what happened (and asked her not to share it with anyone). She told me that it was weird and that she "didn't get that sense at all".

So, what is my role here? They are going to run into each other, my son greets her and the nannies talk- I am not going to tell weekday nanny to avoid her. The weekday nanny agreed that she might have done the same thing. She said the nanny didn't seem to have any bad feelings and didn't say anything negative. I feel like this is a loose end and I should tie it up?

Unpaid & Unhappy

   

Email isynblog@gmail.com with your stories.

I'm kind of new in the nanny field, I've been working with this family for almost two years. Last summer they took 15 day vacation; I took mine as well the same time ( unpaid) I thought that was ok because I had less than a year working with them they didn't need to pay for my vacation time???? As I said, I'm new in this field. This summer they are leaving for a couple of days and since I won't be "working" they will not pay me those days. My economic situation is different now, and for me, I see every work day in money numbers. I'm a single mom and I'm cover all my expenses.
      Talking with other nannies I realized they all get paid when their families go on vacation short or long ones. I don't know how to approach my bosses, I'm 100% they will not pay for those days; but I want to be clear I'm not happy with this situation. Thank you for your help!

The Too Good Nanny

Rosa Comelles

Hello Everyone.

I have a two part situation and I hope for input from nannies and employers.

The first is that there are times my nanny does something not in line with my parenting philosophy or that I think she should check with me first for and I take issue with it. Sometimes with her, often times with my husband. I want him to hear my complaint, validate it and give me a solution or move on. Not once has he ever validated my problems with the nanny. He responds by saying, "let's not rock that boat', "you know we have a good thing going here" and "I think you're overeacting/taking things too literally, taking things too seriously". Does anyone else experience this? My nanny is wonderful. Yes. But if my mother calls one morning and asks her to meet the kids at the mall for lunch and to buy them swimsuits, wouldn't you think I should hear of it before? I don't require permission, I just want to know what is going on. A text would have sufficed.

The second part of my situation again deals with the nanny. She eats very healthy and has introduced us to some very healthy concepts, stores, etc. We only buy certified organic now. We eat less process food than ever before because of her ideas that she implements on her own. She doesn't need to be micromanaged. An example of something she did wonderful is she bought whole grain bread, organic peanut butter and fresh preserves and made sandwiches, cut them out in circle shapes and froze ten in the freezer. Previously, I'll admit, I let my kids eat the frozen pb&J. So that's great. Something I didn't like was washing out a sippy cup my four year old uses for the car (for spill purposes only) and finding a white powder. When I asked the child what it is, she told me X put powder in her orange juice. So I asked X for clarification. She tells me she has been adding a pinch of dichotomous earth to all three children's drinks for the past couple of weeks. Don't you think I should know that? She explained all of the benefits, but again, after the fact.

I am a working mother and leave the house every day by 730 and usually don't return before 6. Is what I am feeling normal or territorial?

Email isynblog@gmail.com.

2015, The Rants "The Letter of the Law"

I will admit it. I am bitter. I had a brand new nanny I hired in May to work with my children. I chose her for her skills in activities and keeping the children busy. I offered her a pay rate. She asked to be paid off the books. I told her that was illegal, that we only paid on the books. She asked for more money and said she needed to bring home $750 a week. I told her I could not do that, but we would talk about a raise in the fall.

6 weeks she lasted. She didn't return one Monday. I texted her, called her and emailed her and she would not even respond. It has been brought to my attention that she is now working for another family. The single reason she left our job? She is making $800 cash per week and qualifying for a pell grant and medicaid! She's 23!

The person who told me this is another nanny who explained it to me matter of factly, as if this was the natural way she would chose to go. As in I shouldn't be offended, this is just better. Who is this better for? It's not better for my children who don't know what happened to their fun nanny. It's not better for me. As a working woman in a make dominated field, my professionalism is still called into question when I have to report childcare issues. Issues like... standing in the kitchen drinking coffee waiting for a nanny who never showed up.  It isn't better for our city or our country. It isn't better for people who deserve the aid that she is eeking up needlessly. How common is this? The way the nanny I spoke to talked to me, it was as if I should have known better.

I want to report her and her employer. Yes, because I'm bitter, but also because it's wrong. It's also wrecking our economy! Tell me what I need and who and how to report this!

Discuss Domestic Worker's Rights with Edina

I am confused by something. Since there are a lot of NY nannies here, maybe you can help me figure this out. Domestic workers are protected by laws. There is a minimum wage. There is also required overtime. Here are the details:

Among other provisions, this law gives domestic workers: 
-The right to overtime pay at time-and-a-half after 40 hours of work in a week, or 44 hours for workers who live in their employer’s home;
-A day of rest (24 hours) every seven days, or overtime pay if they agree to work on that day;
-Three paid days of rest each year after one year of work for the same employer; \
-Protection under New York State Human Rights Law, and the creation of a special cause of action for domestic workers who suffer sexual or racial harassment (*I have a friend who offered her $300 to clean the kitchen floor with a sponge on her hands and knees naked. He was serious.)

This includes live in nannies. They too, must be paid overtime. A live out gets overtime after 40 hours of time and a half and a live in gets overtime after 44 hours. 90 percent of families are not doing this.

I am a nanny who makes just barely that (650 for 62 hours). When I meet nannies on the playground, some of them work more than I do and are making $500 or even $400. What is going on? Three years ago I didn't know anyone who made so little in the nanny business.

Why aren't more nannies demanding the fair pay they are entitled to? Do you realize that if you, a beginner nanny, demanded the very basic pay and overtime rate, that you would make it easier for seasoned nannies to demand a better wage? You are muddying the waters for us and causing us to take a non livable wage. You need to wise up, unionize, organize or just realize they can't live without you.

I beg of you to talk to other nannies and let them know what their rights are. If you are looking for a job on a website and see posts that advertise jobs that are not correct, email these people back and tell them they can be reported to:
NYS Department of Labor Division of Labor Standards
W. Averell Harriman State Office Campus Building
12 Albany, NY 12240
Phone Number for Labor Standards questions is: 1-888-52-LABOR
Email: labor.sm.ls.ask@labor.ny.gov
Here is a link to the Domestic Worker's Rights.

Look out for each other,
-Edina (I used to make $900 a week!)

Mom Concerned Her Daughter is More Than Crushing on Employer

Newton

    I came across this website googling information. Maybe this is common, maybe not. I have a beautiful, kind daughter who left SLC to become a nanny three years ago. She worked for one family for a solid two years. After that job was over, she took a job in the city for a newly divorced couple. The couple has shared custody, every other week the kids go to her house or his and my daughter, as a live-in goes with them.

     The father has a grander place, so she is a more permanent room there, more comfortable and spacious, so she lives there predominately when not working. I have never met these people, but I have researched them online and they seem like respectable people.

     My problem is in the letters and emails my daughter has been sending home. It was apparent near immediately that she found the father attractive and may have had a crush on him. Over the past month, the way that she talks about him and the children doesn't sound like a job at all. It sounds like she is his wife. My daughter is lovely and kind, but?

     I don't know if this is infatuation. I also don't know if the father is encouraging in on some level.It is not that I don't think he would be interested in her, but I fear she could be being exploited to get more labor out of her. She says herself as taking care of him. When the kids are not there, she starts coffee for him, on weekends she says she goes to get him a bagel, or will pack a lunch for him to take to the office. My daughter's history is not so great in this area. I am afraid she could be getting carried away in a way that reminds me of some emotional issues she had in the past. She has never had a boyfriend of her own. She keeps a binder of wedding dresses, sketches and ideas. I know much of this is normal, but I am increasingly worried that she may need a reality check.

      Traveling to NYC is not an option for me. I have both parent's contact information. I really want to reach out to the mother. If the mother becomes alarmed, I won't necessarily be sorry because maybe she needs to come home and regroup, see a doctor and get checked out. If the mother isn't alarmed, there is no problem, but maybe she will be mindful of any red flags?

Dirty Deeds

     Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of issue? I have an idea about how to handle the issue, only I am unsure of when to do it, and I wonder if M and DB would be appreciative or offended.

     I recently landed a part time (every other weekend) position with a cute family. I get along well with both M and DB, and I recently applied for a full time position, asking MB if I could use them as a reference-MB was concerned that I was leaving them. I assured her I wasn't leaving, and have no intention to.

Aaron Shep

     Every family is different and unique-that's the interesting part of being a nanny. I love this family, and recently started the position a month ago, and whenever I go there, the house is a mess. They aren't very organized. There are crumbs all over the floor, P's high chair is covered in dried food in the seat and tray, there's food on the counter, such as an open box of cereal, fruit, or an open pack of crackers. I'm searching high and low for clothes for the kids, or there are clothes laying around and I don't know what's clean or dirty. The diaper genie is full, and smells of dirty diapers. Toys, shoes, clothes, etc. are laying all over the living room, and I have A clean up things she is not playing with. Of course P being a young toddler will pull everything out, but A is 2, and old enough to clean up her toys.

     I have a WA, and my WA doesn't state I have to clean up after the kids, but I do it because A. it's what nannies do, B. it's unfair to a working parent to have a messy house, C. I have manners, and was always taught that people can tell how you were raised if you don't clean up after yourself. This is a job to me, and imagine if you had a nanny and came home to a messy house at the end of a day? How would you feel about that?

     If I look hard enough, I'm sure I can find a broom for sweeping. I've looked, but can't find it. I want to organize the clothes, which maybe hard due to everything being scattered,and kids waking up during naptime. I also don't know if M or DB would be offended or appreciative.

Email isynblog@gmail.com with your stories, sightings & situations.