Parent's Visiting Day at Camp

Ethireal Photography
I have a situation that is not good. I am a nanny for two kids who are at sleep away camp. The girl's parent's weekend is towards the end of July and the mother has planned a trip to tour California Vineyards with her Fiance.  She told me that she will need me to "work" that day and "drive up to see "Girl", have lunch with her, bring her a care package and spend the day with her.

The problem is that the father and his new wife dote on the children. The new wife's involvement is to the chagrin of the bio mom who really seems indifferent. She doesn't think missing the visit is any big deal at all. She doesn't want to tell her daughter, least she tell her father and he ask for the second visiting day. The mom has Saturday and he has Sunday.

I have only been their nanny for six months. There is a third child that is not old enough for sleep away camp yet. I like the girl and I know she likes me, but she doesn't like me to the degree that I am a suitable replacement for a parent at visiting day. I feel like she is putting me and her daughter in a terrible position and I don't know how to deal with it. She doesn't ask me things so much as tell me things.

I'd really like to tip off the father or his new wife, "accidentally". The mom wants me to go just so the new wife doesn't get "extra time"but she doesn't put in any time herself. Ever. ????

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Nanny Sarah said...

As a nanny who works with divorced parents, I want to tell you that tipping off the other parent or in any other way, choosing a side is unprofessional. If Mom asked you to go, go and provide the very best experience you can for your charge. We're asked to fill in all the time as trusted caregivers. Thw child will see her Dad the next day, right? So plan an exceptional day for her with things that she loves! My charge knows I'm not her parent but she looks forward to nanny days with just as much excitement as she does mom&dad days

Anonymous said...

Absolutely agree with above. Do as you are told and stay out of it.

nannyrobot said...

I agree that it's unprofessional to tell on her, even though she's being a crappy mother. However, you are under no obligation to lie. If it comes up with the dad, tell the truth. It would be unprofessional to lie. Besides, don't you think the daughter will mention it anyway?

Jill said...

Yep. No lying but don't go volunteering information. Divorce is tough enough on all parties involved. Don't add to the stress by being a judgy mcjudgerson! Love on your charge, provide the best care you can and let the parents sort out parent issues.

Anonymous said...

The mother can plan a trip to go someplace else ,but can not make time to be with her child. wow

this_nick said...

The person I'd be talking to is the mother, to inform her she's being harmful to her child by not allowing the dad to provide a parental presence when mom can't (or doesn't choose to.). It's not unprofessional to advocate for your charges first and foremost; imo it's unprofessional of a good caregiver *not* to.