|Ann Divito, 1st Place, 7th Grade, St. Athanasius School|
We were talking on Tuesday afternoon about her weekend and she started talking about heroin,. I have shared with her that I tried marijuana and cocaine in college (and liked neither). She shared basically the same sentiment. When she said heroin, it was with the same tone, but I immediately tensed up. She told me she didn't understand why so many people overdosed on heroin but after she tried it on Saturday, she gets it. She then went on to talk about a high that was so great she couldn't help but imagine the next time and explained she thought people overdosed because they feared not getting that "beautiful high".
I feel like a hypocrite, but I can't look at her the same. The fact that she spoke so glowing of it and told me that she "wouldn't do it again because she knew it was addictive, but couldn't help imagine what the next time would be like, are all highs the same." These are words to me of someone who has been turned on to heroine. While it happened in the city and she stays away on the weekends, I don't know how to handle the feeling that it has brought up in me. I feel I am looking at her pupils, asking more about the plans. I called three times today. I don't know if talking is necessarily the answer because she might just say what I want to hear, when before I believe she was being honest.
At no time did I ever try any drug or even alcohol while I was in charge of any children. I was in college, I was free. I don't see it that way. I'm worried about what if she brings something back with her, what if she starts using pain pills. What if heroin acquaintances start talking to her during the week or know where she lives/works.
What are my options here? I really just want her gone. I didn't sleep last night. I arranged to work from the house tomorrow and go away for the weekend leaving Friday morning. The nanny has been with us 9 months. I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old.