Mom wants 7 week old Preemies to Cry it Out...

 Marsela Hajdinjak
   I am a professional nanny and my services are highly sought. I interview with families and let them know honestly what my philosophy is and I do that so I make a good match.

   I don't work long term jobs anymore, because I travel, so I take assignments that are anywhere to between 1 week and 3 months. This last job I took is to go through labor Day.

    I am taking care of twins that are seven weeks old. They had a baby nurse for the first week and found a nanny they liked but she had a delay to when she could start so I am filling the void.
I am working 8-8 Sunday-Thursday.

   The problem I have is that I told them I was not in favor of cry it out and specifically that I thought that was cruel.  The mom is obsessed with getting them on a schedule, eating and sleeping. Again, they are only seven weeks old and were born almost 3 weeks premature.  Because the days are so long and because I live in the city and they in Bergen County, I am living in during the work week. This means I have to hear the tortured cries of these children!

Most of my clients have been in the city, and in Greenwich, CT. I am curious how common this is in NJ? Is the predominate feeling among educated, upper class people to allow their children to cry it out?  If you were a nanny or a parent who wanted your child on a strict schedule and wanted to have the child cry it out, but no longer believe in that, is there something that swayed your opinion that I could possibly bring to this mother's attention? These are her first children. I was thinking of getting her a copy of the fourth trimester. I don't want to come across as a know it all because the job will really set me up well for my next extracurricular adventure and I enjoy collecting references from the families I work for, especially the more long term assignments.

Before I resign myself to sleeping in noise canceling headphones, should I attempt to convince the mom that it is too soon to put the children on a schedule or to let them CIO?  While I have the children, she is not involved very much, at least she puts no requirements on me except as to when the last feeding of the day will be and the first, and that she does not want the babies to sleep from 430-7PM. Beyond that, I do not let them cry. I am not a baby nurse, just a nanny, but I think it's really odd and cruel that she lets them cry during the night. She sets and alarm to wake, feed and change them. And then she returns them to bed.  I don't get in to the specifics of it with her because I do the tummy time and swing time and walks, so I am there to respond to them immediately. I don't change their diapers on a schedule, but as needed. I hold them,rock them, sing to them. Mom seems to have the daily time of 7-9 as baby time. Literally, scheduled on the calendar. Like that is when her and her husband put the babies on the floor and hang out with them at night and then feed them and put them to bed.

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Anonymous said...

The cry it out method should NOT be used on babies sooner than 4 most, at the youngest!! We used a modified cit method with the two babes I'm with now and it worked wonderfully, but we only started training them at 5 months. Seven weeks is far too young, especially for preemies!

Anonymous said...

This is going to stunt their development, babies need to be held for normal healthy development. This is terrible parenting at it's worst, and naive ignorance at it's best. I suggest they talk to the nurse about this.

Anonymous said...

What it boils down to? That woman doesnt want to be a mother. She wants everything in a nice neat little bow. SMDH.

I am for the cry it out method but on older babies. These babies are actually 4 weeks old, just because they came out 7 weeks ago, their bodies are not aged that far - hense the preemie. THIS is the mindset she needs to understand. She always has to think 3 weeks younger for several months.

All I can say is have a discussion or move on.


Nanny said...

CIO won't work biologically on babies younger that five months. They are not physically ready for it. Also, with premature babies you have to use their adjusted age for developmental milestones. A schedule is super important with babies but not sleep training.

You will need to talk to your nf. I recommend they do some research

nc said...

Is there anyway you and mom can go to the pediatrician together at their next appointment? The pediatrician, an "authority", could explain why cry it out isn't appropriate at this age. Mom might listen to him/her.

Anonymous said...

If I were you I'd start changing them on a regular schedule to keep them used to that.

Other than that, her pediatrician will discuss it with her I'm sure. Also, they aren't your kids at the end of the day and while you may feel you know better, they're her children and it's her ultimate decision..

this_nick said...

You're asking whether you should address this when you know the answer. She's a selfish, awful parent and damaging her kids. You either are prepared to risk your financial gain for the sake of these helpless humans by explaining why CIO here is terrible, or you're not.

Corina said...

Poor kids. All the families I worked for never used this method. FYI I work in Bergen County too. I also reside in Bergen County. I never did this method with my son as a baby.
Is she a working mom? Maybe she is tired at night. Maybe you can suggest she hires a night baby nurse? Even for a few nights a week.