Wednesday

The Casual Acquaintance's Crappy Nanny

Elemental Photography
What is the best way to approach the employer of a nanny that is your neighbor? This woman lives in the associated building next door. Her son and my son know each other from school and recognize each other at the park. My son is excited to play with him, but her son has very poor impulse control and no direct supervision. The boys are both three years old. The nanny is always talking to other nannies, not even looking in the direction of the children or playground. This puts me in the position of having to redirect the hitting child or removed my son from playing with him with very firm reasoning. "You are not playing with a child who continues to hit/spit/kick (take your pick) you." I could simply do this but many people try to keep their child away from him, some complain to the nanny. The nanny always looks at them like they are nuts and says, "they are children, they are playing, he don't like it, play somewhere else". As a formerly working mother, this really troubles me, because her child is getting a bad reputation and learning some very bad habits. It wouldn't take much at all to supervise the children a little closer. There is a nanny there who supervises two twins who seem to be four. One has a little more freedom and the other she sticks to because he, despite knowing better, will put anything in his mouth. Because of her presence, she is there to redirect him, even give him a look or remove him from the situation. It isn't rocket science. What it comes down to is I think the 3 year old has a piss poor nanny. The regard she shows him in public is troubling enough, I can't imagine what happens behind closed doors.  I don't know this woman, she is merely a very casual acquaintance that I met through a preschool function and have since then waved a polite hello to.I'm not looking to become a friend, or an enemy.. but for the sake of the child I feel I need to approach her about it. I just don't know how.

15 comments:

nc said...

I would just be honest with her. Say you have noticed a few things about her nanny, things you, as a parent, would want to know. Just tell her your observations, what you've noticed about her nanny's lack of interaction with her son. Once you've done that, there isn't a whole lot you can do. She might get upset with you, and if she does, it's her loss. I would hope, even if she got mad, she would take the time to drop in at the park to "prove you wrong", but who knows. I look at it like this. The worse that could happen is she gets defensive. Since you are already not friends, who cares if she doesn't want anything to do with you? Good luck!

Mom's POV said...

Not your job therefore not your prob! You don't know why he's this way! Maybe the parents already know. I wouldn't raise my child like this, but this isn't my child. Keep your kid away from him at the park if he bothers you this much, but stop trying to parent other people's kids! I only have a part-time nanny as I am a SAHM, but would be aggravated if someone came to me with this. I vet/background check all caregivers and also drop in unexpectedly to see my kids a lot. So I feel 100% safe about letting her watch my littles. Someone coming to me with this drivel would not get a good reception. I don't happen to believe that it takes a village.

RBTC said...

do not let anyone insult you or downplay your caring about this boy - he is probably acting out the lack of caring he is receiving - look at the golden rule - if your nanny was neglecting your kid - would you ( not other people ) - but you - want to know. Yes, the mother may react abrasively - but if she is wise, you will be the hero for the kid who needs help. Try something to help the kid and let us know what happens - thank you for caring, your attention could be the difference in this boys life

Anonymous said...

Did you even pay attention to the details? The nanny isn't doing her job, what she's paid to do. She not watching the boy nor teaching better behavior. That's a nanny's job!!!!

Angi

Anonymous said...

Just talk to the mom. I can't imagine any parent wanting an update on what their nanny is like on the job. Mom to mom, talk

Angi

Mom said...

I don't know who you're replying to, Angi. The nannies here suggest talking to the mom. I'm a mom. My post was regarding the nosy mom 'reporting' on the little boy. It's not the mom's job to watch other people's kids. When I take my kids to the park, I'm not watching other kids. I'm enjoying my time with my kids. This child isn't in danger. Independent play is important. if someone came to me with this nonsense, I'd tell them to mind their own business. Is the nanny awesome? No! OTOH, the kid isn't hurt or at risk.

Anonymous said...

*NOT wanting

Anonymous said...

You didn't read carefully. She wants to talk to the mom about the NANNY not watching the boy and not helping to structure his behavior. She lets him do whatever....he's 3! He needs guidance and he's not getting it from the nanny

Angi

Anonymous said...

The kid is hurting other kids and the nanny isn't doing anything about it. Seriously, you need better reading skills

Angi

this_nick said...

You've had DCF called on you, haven't you?

Mom's POV said...

Lol! No! Honest! It's just become my HTDO(Hill to die on) lately to see interference. I agree wholeheartedly that the nanny is not good at her job. Its never occurred to me to report the "sit on the bench" nannies.

Mom guilt is real. I would feel so judged if someone told me the nanny I chose was not doing her job. Again, I only use my nanny twice a week, but my feelings would be that the other mom was judging me. I didn't see where the lo was in any danger and used my own area's overzealous moms as comparison. After a day of reflection, I'd say, approach as you see fit, OP and explain why you're coming to her with it.

Mom's POV said...

Lol! No! Honest! It's just become my HTDO(Hill to die on) lately to see interference. I agree wholeheartedly that the nanny is not good at her job. Its never occurred to me to report the "sit on the bench" nannies.

Mom guilt is real. I would feel so judged if someone told me the nanny I chose was not doing her job. Again, I only use my nanny twice a week, but my feelings would be that the other mom was judging me. I didn't see where the lo was in any danger and used my own area's overzealous moms as comparison. After a day of reflection, I'd say, approach as you see fit, OP and explain why you're coming to her with it.

Anonymous said...

I would think parents would want to know if they have did nannies. After all, it's their money they're dishing out to help raise their kid. A parent should be grateful to hear these reports, good or bad.

Angi

Anonymous said...

*dud nannies

Mom's POV said...

Depends on the person doing the reporting. I've had parents tell me: nanny had baby out in the rain, nanny took toddler out in the cold, nanny was reading, nanny raised her voice. For all of these I was aware. Nanny always takes them out. I insist on outside time rain or shine. We have strollers for every occasion plus rain covers. Nanny also reads while kids have sprinkler time or build forts. That's ok. As she's reading to baby in the shade and neighbor cant see below our fence. She also had to call the kids when our intercom broke one Thu. Basically, I rarely report. I wouldn't unless I saw outright abuse. Everything is open to interpretation.