What Am I Doing Wrong?

I need some help from people in the Chicago area! I was born and raised in New York and had been living in Connecticut for the last five years before I moved to the Chicago area late last year. I’ve been a nanny for eight years, the last five years have been solely for high end families. I’ve always been completely full charge, extremely well compensated, noticeably appreciated (most important), and have always genuinely looked forward to going to work every day. Until I moved to Chicago. :(

I accepted a position caring for six month old twins after only a Skype interview and it was really great at first. But my employers work a school schedule with summers off. So I worked full charge January to mid-May. Then they were both home for a full three months. They genuinely didn’t need me. I’ve never had a harder time with a job. I’ve thrived in positions where I’ve been needed and not been a luxury and for all three months I was a luxury. Both parents were home the whole time I would be there. It was so incredibly uncomfortable I came home so frustrated every day. This may sound petty, I don’t mean it to be. But my last position in CT was 60+ hours a week, completely full charge for 3.5 years. To go from that to essentially be a mother’s helper for so long was the last thing I was interested or comfortable with. They dropped my pay from my generous weekly salary to paying me hourly. Some weeks I didn’t even clear $200. FOR THREE MONTHS. So on top of being completely uncomfortable at work…if I didn’t GO to the uncomfortable job.. I made no money. I even visited my old boss back in CT in June and when I told her about the job the first thing she said was “…but they’re still paying you your full salary during the summer right?…Why don’t these people understand this is your career?” This summer has completely changed my feelings toward my bosses because I can’t wrap my brain around how they thought I was surviving financially for that long amount of time (I had to borrow a large amount of money from my boyfriend). And to answer a potential question if I spoke with them about it..I didn’t. Because these are the type of people that write checks out to the penny…i.e. $110.25 My old boss would’ve rounded to the nearest 100…rounding to the nearest dollar would’ve been decent. So I knew having a conversation about summer compensation would’ve been a waste of breath.

School is back in session so I’m full charge again. But I’m actively looking for a new position and have gone on a few wonderful interviews. Most usually start with a phone interview that goes great and then I go to the family’s home for an interview that never lasts less than an hour. They all act impressed with me, I make them laugh, I leave my references’ contact info before I leave if I’m still interested in the position, I send a lovely follow up email later that night thanking them for their time, etc. I’ve yet to land a new position. I turned jobs away left and right in Connecticut and I can’t for the life of me figure out what families in Chicagoland are looking for that I’m not bringing to the table. I’ve got extensive multiples experience, I genuinely love my job, love caring for children. I go in completely professional with the greatest attitude. I say not a SINGLE bad word about my current family - I simply state that I’m looking for a new position that will be consistent throughout the year. I have the greatest of references that not one of the interviewers have contacted - I feel like if they did I’d be a shoe in. I’m contractually obligated to give at least three weeks notice to my current employers which I would never morally give less. One family had been looking for someone to start ASAP. So I understand that one. But what am I missing for the rest? Is something important in this area that maybe wasn’t back east? Something I should be highlighting or doing differently? Help!

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UpdateBeryl Cook

   Update: I read your responses and reflected ove the past few months.In my defense, I didn't realize how the hair setting came about. I assumed she had offered.  I have spoken to family and they know they are not to ask the nanny for anything.
   I sat down with the nanny and talked about the things I had neglected to pay her for. I explained that I didn't intend to disregard her efforts. I explained that because she acted and was treated like part of the family, sometimes I didn't think of equating money to a task, but that I should and that I was grateful for everything that she did. We agreed that in the future, we would negotiate overtime, date night, dog sitting ahead of schedule. We agreed that she would paid overtime for any hours she worked above and beyond her schedule, regardless of what she was doing. I also asked her if she wanted to do the things she did. She said she absolutely but I made her feel foolish when I didn't pay her. I paid her $1,000 cash, a $400 gift certificate to the salon I get my hair cut and colored. When we had spoken about using the car, she suggested she didn't want to use her car because of the wear and tear, because of modifying the contents an set up of her car for the children. So with that, my husband decided to buy himself a new car and now born is the nanny vehicle, which we will keep full of gas and she can use on the job for anything. I just wanted to say one final thing about this. My nanny is a "yes" person. She offers to do so much for us. Many things I say no to. That is her nature. I find that people like this are often taken advantage of, and while they shouldn't be, look around and see if you have someone in your life who is trying to make your day or world a bit better and do something nice for them! -OP
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Original Post: June 27
  My nanny and I had a disagreement which ended up with both of us saying some things that were not very nice. I don't want to rehash it all, but there is an element of the disagreement that I can make right. She was upset that she had done some extra things over the past few months without appreciation or financial reward. I am going to give her an envelope with a card that says simply I appreciate you and some cash inside. Please help me figure out a good amount to put in the card. I just want to be done with this.
     She makes $1100 per week for 55-58 hours.
     Things we failed to appreciate/thank her for:
-assembling a swing set
-working at a birthday party on a saturday for 23 five year olds (2.5 hours)
-pet siting from Friday night-Monday morning, 2 dogs (two incidents)
-using her vehicle to drive my husband to the train (2 miles round trip, approximate 10 times)
-placing an ad on craigs list for two day laborers, picking them up in her vehicle, taking them to buy supplies at home depot and spending 12 hours supervising them building a doghouse and dog run.
-Both times my mother came to visit, my mother asked her to set her hair. She did.

Send your experiences, sightings and questions to isynblog@gmail.com.

"I Need to Insure the Nanny's Happiness"...

     I have a really sensitive issue involving my sister, who is ill and her nanny of four years. For three years, the nanny worked for a happy, healthy, family where both parents worked outside of the home. The past year, my sister has been sick. The nanny was everything for us during this time. For our extended family, my niece and nephew, my brother-in-law. The kindness she showed us all would bring me too tears. She also worked a lot of extra hours, on her own, and flat out refused to accept pay and returned any attempts to be paid.
     I am sure a 4 year run is an ideal long term commitment from any nanny, but given our present situation, we want to do what we can for her, to make her see this job as more of a career and less of a job. My sister is terminal and I know the nanny will stay through that, but what about beyond?
     How do you compensate someone who refuses compensation? At the same time, I know that she has to be mentally and physically exhausted. One thing I was considering was offering her a ten days in a row off and sending her somewhere. I would go and stay with my sister and the children once school gets out. The nanny always says, "no you don't have to do that" and "no, that's okay", so consulting her in advance about the possibility of a trip isn't workable. It would need to be arranged. She has a sister that lives an hour away and I was thinking of sending the two of them together (for safety reasons).
     Would that feel like manipulation? I wouldn't want to specify how many years she would have to continue working, but another three would be very worth it to us.

Yvan Favre

Beyond that, I don't want to box her in, but want to let her know that if she would consider staying for a longer term, we would help her out in anyway possible.  I don't want to trap her. I thought that if I could help her find a place closer to us, she would have less commute time and more free time. Finding a rental and paying for it is about as complicated as helping her get into a house and providing the down payment.
    Because she doesn't like to take time off, because the kids are attatched to her, she is so good with all of them, and because of her own responsibility, she won't take time off. I was going to suggest that she take every Friday off in the summer. I can put the children in a day camp program and be with them Friday afternoon.  Lastly, I want to hire someone to do all of the other tasks, like grocery shopping, cooking, etc. The nanny was never a housekeeper, but has done more over the past year, so I was thinking of bringing someone in full time to do those things. This is something we need to do regardless, but I was hoping to get feedback from nannies about how to hire a good fit, because the role isn't so much housekeeper as support for the nanny. I think the interview process should include my brother and law and her, and probably him only for the final round? Given what I have heard about domestic staff not getting along, it seems prudent to establish a hierarchy from the beginning? I don't even know what needs to be done, because I am not there. My brother in law is clueless, so only the nanny really know what the person's job description should look like.
   And one more thing, do nannies care about titles? It's hard to get a sense of that, but another thing we were thinking was a salary raise and promotion to "house manager"?
   Thank you for reading this. This is a hard subject to talk to about people because they get sidelined by my/their grief for my sister or they don't understand how essential the nanny is and make rude comments, like "No, I would never do THAT!".

Please send your stories and experiences to isynblog@gmail.com.

Turns out Nanny Can Cook

      Our nanny of less than a month is taking charge in her new position. I had not asked her to cook because we have three children and didn't think she could work it out. As it turns out, she has been cooking and she is quite good at it. Good at it as in, I see myself looking forward to coming home wonderding what she has made. Because this was not a part of her original assignment and because she is so good and we want to keep her happy, what would be a fair amount to add to her weekly salary for cooking four nights a week?  I was thinking $100 for family dinner for 5. Friday, we usually go out or do take out.  Her currrent salary is $825 after taxes for five 11 hour days.