Sunday

I just don't want to miss out

Received Sunday, November 11, 2007- Perspective & Opinion
I am a new mom and have been reading your blog since it appeared in the Times last month. My husband and I have been debating, well arguing over when I am returning to work. I had made the case that it would be best if I stayed home these first couple of years, he makes the dollar case. And then came you. Now I have been able to show my husband that if we got a nanny, all sorts of sordid things could happen.

We could use a reputable service, but still get duped.Once we left the house, she might take the child and drop her off at a strange daycare. If I went back to work now, we would run the risk of hiring an alcoholic baby nurse or if we waited we could get an alcoholic nanny or we could end up with any of the dozen or so sleeping nannies referenced here. (Do they retire from nannying if they get fired- or just go on to different jobs?) If we needed to trust her with money, she might troll the streets look for phony receipts, if I needed her to do some occasional grocery shopping, she might steal our Holiday Turkey or she might just end up stealing outright. We could end up with one of the many secret smokers, frenzied smokers someone who used or trusty Volvo wagon to score drugs, (or walked). The nanny could drag our child in to a weird world of nanny sponsored gambling, or the nanny could have a thug boyfriend that she met up with at a No-tel Motel. We would even run the risk of the nanny giving away our shrubbery, hosting seedy parties in our home and posting the pictures on Myspace or taking my child with her to buy porn.I can't bear to imagine my child would be left screaming in her stroller or forbidden from playing with friends because the nanny feared a mess. And what of exposure to other people's nannies who might randomly spank, angrily confront or even shun my nanny.

I had wondered about gossipy nannies, slutty nannies and nannies who go after husbands, but stories of psychotic nannies who care more about their tennis shoes proved shocking to me. I had worried aloud to my husband, 'would the nanny remember to hold my child's hand, treat her gently, tell her how much I missed her, take good care of her when she wasn't feeling well and enjoy taking care of her'?

I know that accidents happen, but I just don't want to miss out. I think this site has helped my husband see the light.

*I also came across this prelude to the Madeline McCann case.
** And thanks to "Mom" who's amusing tirade gave me this idea.

93 comments:

erics mom said...

If you want to stay home, just tell your husband thats what you want to do. Don't make excuses, just be honest that you want to be a SAHM for a couple more years.

Yes, there are terrible nannies, but as you read on here as well, there are terrible employers.

In defense of nannies, there are alot of great ones as well. Lets not think they are all terrible. There are many terrible people out there besides nannies.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't sound like she is making excuses. Have you ever tried to argue with a man who has a one track mind for $$$? I didn't want to go back to work, but I did because DH had a $$$ plan. Our marriage ended over it, two years later. The same $$$ issues. And we weren't struggling, he just wanted more and more. You should see the struggle he has when it comes to writing that monthly check.

Sue Doe-nim said...

*Waving*

Let's all say hello to the husband this was written for.

Dear HusbandWhoDoesn'tHaveAChanceOfSendingThisMomToWork,

Give up now.

You're dead in the water, she wants to raise the kid.

Don't worry, she'll have the same freak out we all did when she realizes that she doesn't own a pair of pantyhose or a single solitary item to dry clean and will quite likely find a way to work at home or work part time.

But seriously dude, she ain't gonna go to the office.

Anonymous said...

OP, I am glad your husband has seen the light. Choosing to go to work or to stay home is a difficult decision to make. You have to trust your instincts.
By the way I do not belong to the "working-mothers-are-bad-mothers" police. I do believe that a working mother can be a wonderful mother, and that there are great nannies out there. I also know the overwhelming feeling of leaving a child and wondering if she will be all right... Enjoy your baby!

Meme said...

You popped that baby out, sister. You deserve to stay home with it if you want to.

Of course, it might have been easier on you both had you ironed out how you would handle this situation before reproducing, but stay home if you want to. I do.

Just know that, while it is greatly balanced out with joy, it is harder than any job you could ever imagine getting....and certainly harder than whatever your hubby does. And to keep things even, let him know that on a regular basis. LOL!

Mom said...

Your story was very cute...and, although it was mostly meant to be amusing (which it is), it also just so happens to illustrate exactly what moms SHOULD be thinking about then they have a CHOICE about whether to go back to work or not.

Stand up to your husband and be your daughter's world for the five years you have before she goes to school...AT LEAST! (I'd vote for until she's 18 myself. It goes a lot faster than you can possibly imagine.)You will NEVER regret it. But it is very possible that you will live with deep regret somewhere down the line of you sell away this precious, and very fleeting, chance to be the one to raise your precious child during the most formative period of her whole life...and for just a few measley bucks. (And by measley, I mean up to and including all the money in the world.) The child's personality is largely formed during her first three years of life...and how she views the world (and, consequently, how she may be viewed by the world) depends mostly on how that world is presented to her by the person who cares for her every day.

Not only that, but thinking just of you...even if it make no difference to your daughter's development and sense of self who raises her (which we know is not true)...you have the opportunity to experience something that is so wonderful, special and unique that is cannot possibly be explained in words. It is something that you must experience for yourself to understand the joy that comes from caring for your child in every way. Not by playing with your clean, bathed and fed child in a burst of "quality time" after work, but by being the person she sees come and smile into her crib when she wakes up from her nap, the person who is proud of her when she learns to make little splashes with her hands in the bathtub, the person who will never forget her big eyes and wide smile when she takes her first steps toward you and lunges forward into your arms when she knows she is close enough for you to catch her and make her safe...and even though she has no idea what pride is, she understands how proud her mommy is of her, the person who sits and watches her entire ballet class and realizes you are unconsciously holding your breath as she tries to reach her tiny little fingers to her tiny little toes without falling over, the person who she comes to for comfort when she is hurt, sick or sad...a million other little things that are so very big...but you really can't begin to understand how big until you see their importance through your child's eyes.

When my kids were small, my husband was happy for me to stay home, and take care of them, but he didn't realize the true importance of it all. He wouldn't have thought of letting "child related matters" keep him from a day's work for any reason. They were my "job." And, although he loved them and played with them as one would expect of a good daddy, he didn't seem to quite understand the depth of my connection to them. He wondered why I desperately missed seeing their little faces after being away for several hours. He didn't understand why I went out of my way to do silly things like put colored sprinkles on their ice cream for them. His argument was I was spoiling them...mine was that anybody who got such joy out of something so simple as sprinkles ought to have some. Anyway, we didn't really have a meeting of the minds as to the sheer joy of just being with the children. He did his duty as a dad while I was consumed with joy at being a mom. We each looked a little askance at the other. Then there came a time when I was sick for a prolonged period and he had no choice but to take time off of work and take over complete care of the children...baths, feeding, unexpected poop...everything. (Thankfully, we at least agreed that it needed to be one of us who took care of them.) Well, darned if he didn't become attached to those kids in a way that he had never even imagined was possible. (He was raised by parents who believed that children should literally be "seen and not heard"...and a lot of times not even seen.) He thought he loved them (he did), and he thought he did a good job of spending quality time with them (he did), but that time caring for them changed his feelings toward parenthood completely. He finally "got" what I had felt all along. Since then, we have happily put them ahead of all else in our lives and enjoyed parenting in a way that he never even imagined was possible.

Two years ago he left a 7 figure salary behind to open his own firm (in which we both realized he would earn a fraction of his former income)for the simple reason that he didn't like the amount of time the required travel was taking away from his time with our rapidly growing up children. I have never been prouder of him. And there was a time I would have have bet my life against him ever letting any of us come between him and his job.

Your husband is misguided. Don't let him bully, manipulate, or coerce you into missing out on the gift of raising your own daughter. And try to help him bond with her in a way that will make him want nothing but the best for her in every way...which is for you to be her mommy every day.

None of you will ever regret it.

Anonymous said...

When you think about all the horrible things that mothers have done to their kids, would you have us cringe thinking about you giving birth, wondering if you will be the kind of mother to slap you child, yell at your child, do crack around your child, spill hot coffee on your child, forget to drop your child off at daycare only to have them die of suffocation in the backseat of your car, drown your child, should I go on? There are bad people everywhere, nannies, priests, teachers, PARENTS, the list goes on. In every profession and in every part of the world.
Your post was not funny to me. I am a former nanny and am now running my own home daycare so that I can be home with my daughter and still work. I have a degree and all my certifications and am a good childcare provider who respects the parents of the children I care for. Your post implies that there is a stigma involved with having someone else care for your children. It is a personal choice. Of course there is always the chance the nanny will be a bad one. But if you do your homework, hire someone with an education and check references carefully with a fine tooth comb, and of course treat them with respect and trust (this includes paying them fairly), you are sure to find a good childcare provider. If you want to stay home with your child, great. But please don't insult the profession by implying that if you hire a childcare provider you will most likely get a drug addict/thief/horrible person etc.

Anonymous said...

Fear of what might happen is not a strong foundation for a parenting philosophy.

Don't go back to work if you don't want to, but don't live in fear or teach your kids that the world is a mean and scary place.

I was nervous about leaving my son with a nanny at first too, but I hired a wonderful woman who loves my son and whom my son loves right back. We're all better for it.

Anonymous said...

621-
Boo Diddly Hoo.
Did you click on the links?
I mean, do you "get it"

?

Anonymous said...

Op--
I chose to stay home and raise my children as well. There are days that the grass may seem greener but it sure gives me great pleasure when my kids know that I'm there and know they can count on me. At the end of the day, that's really all that matters--that your children see and feel your presence and know you're involved in their life.
Good luck to you. You have made a bold and beautiful choice!

Anonymous said...

OP, I am another nanny who didn't find your post funny. If you want to stay home with your daughter, and can afford to, that is wonderful, but that isn't always possible, or the best choice for all families.
I hope you meet me with my charges, having fun in the park, or in a class. I might change your horrible image of nannies. There are some of us who are well educated, and committed to growing in our knowledge of all aspects of child care. We work very hard to provide a safe, loving, and stimulating environment for the children we care for.
UES Nanny

jessica f said...

OP,
I am a NJ nanny who thought your post was funny. Obviously you are using the worst case scenario examples from this post. Anyone with half a brain would recognize that. Anyone with less than half a brain probably shouldn't work with children. I know the mentally challenged are childlike in their innocence and activity, but I still don't like to think of them working as nannies.

Anonymous said...

jessica f,
if someone is offended by a post, they have less than half a brain?
You sound like a bitch. I think the "worst case scenario" would be to have to be around you. Ugh, the poor people who have to deal with you.
and for the record, mentally challenged people often find things funny when they are in fact offensive.

Anonymous said...

Lighten up people! It's a JOKE, and a funny one at that.
Some of you evidently have your panties on way too tight!
You must be a real hoot at parties.

OP, congratulations! You have been initiated by the "I hate all OPs" gang, apparently comprised of several out of work (no surprise) and bitter nannies.

Anonymous said...

OP, I find it sad that $$$ is more important to your husband than having his wife raise his child.

WHY do people have babies if they are not going to raise them? WHY? And if you claim you need a nanny for the financial reasons, then don't have kids until one of you can "AFFORD" to stay home...

What the hell happened to real men?

Anonymous said...

I am a single mother and If I could afford to stay at home with my son I would definately do it. My mom was a stay at home mom and I really enjoyed coming home to her as a child. She was never too busy for us. If you work it is hard to find the time to spend that extra quality time because you have to get things done at home because you were at work all day. The years go by fast and the early years are the most important.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny (the nanny if you look at the state by state stories from Mass at the park on fairbanks rd sudbury)anyways and yes I have heard horrible things about nannies and met some odd ones. But there are things you can do to ease your mind if you get one, personally I think a housewife/stay at home mom is awsome, but it's not for everyone. It just sucks that their are such horrible people out there, my point is to keep an open mind and know that not everyone out there will screw you over

Meme said...

OMG People. Are you all really this cynical? Lighten up! Better yet, brighten up!

Anonymous said...

Great post! Hope it helps your case to be a SAHM. We let our nanny go not too long ago, so I could stay home myself. Best decision ever. My child is six months old now, but I can never replace the three months that I worked. So many milestones! Too bad the angry nannies had to come and post their hate. I don't care how much a nannie cares for your child, even loves them, it is not the same.

Whatever decision you make, just know that with a sense of humor like yours, you are going to have a great child!

Elizabeth said...

My mom quit working when I was born. She was a talented accountant, and her company begged her to stay, but she refused. As a result, I had the most caring, comforting, and fun caregiver that I could possibly imagine. I was truly lucky to have had a SAHM.

That being said, clearly not all nannies fall into the categories you have created. While I'm eager to separate myself from that bunch, I also want to point out that you can definitely take action to see how your nanny is REALLY doing, if you choose to get a nanny after all. Take an unexpected day off, and catch her at the park, or ask your neighbours what they think.

Good luck with whatever decision you choose!

Anonymous said...

I am a NJ nanny wo would like to comment on this post...

There are people out there who might read it and think it's serious. They might even take it to heart and immediately enclose their child in a plastic bubble this way no nasty germs like MRSA can get them. They might never, ever let their child out of their site until they are 21 because they might get kidnapped on their way to school or somewhere else. They might never even let their kid GO to school because one of the teachers or employees might be a perv. They might not even trust themselves to be alone with their own kid because one day, they might go nuts and throw their own kid out the window, drown them in a tub or set the plastic bubble on fire.....maybe, they will think to themselves, they should hire a nanny to take care of their kid for them so their kid will be safe...oh wait.....see OP's post....

Mom said...

If somebody is going to do all that to their child based on this post, which is clearly meant to be humorous, she's a mom seriously on the edge of insanity anyway. Without serious intervention, her child is likely doomed, regardless of whether she tunes into ISYN or not.

Maybe. we all ought to use this site to learn how important it is for us to keep an extra eye on the children we encounter. Usually when abuse is finally uncovered, a lot of people are able to look back and see red flags that were noticed and dismissed.

Anonymous said...

I am finding it hard to understand how parents, and some nannies find this funny. It is referencing real posts about the abuse of real children.

melissa said...

1126,
Are you okay?
Anyone can make a case for anything based on all the bad examples. I could even make a case for war.

The point of this post is obviously the author didn't realize how many possible ways a nanny situation could go wrong. Not would go wrong. Could go wrong.

Lighten up.

Anonymous said...

It's a joke. Maybe it's not your taste, or you don't see the humor. That's OK. Just move on. Maybe you'll like the next joke you hear better.
What do you do at a party when somebody tells a joke they think is good, but you don't get or like it? Are you that person who starts a lecture and kills the entire mood?
She didn't write with ill intent toward anybody. Just some innocent funnin'. Let it go.

I'm assuming you must hate the monologues on late night talk shows then? Some of the jokes are pretty sharp, but definitely not for people searching out insult in every word.

Meme said...

9:11,

Anyone who thinks this post is actually serious has some kind of impairment and so, IMHO, deserves to think it is real.

Come on, now? Can you really be that Daft? And if you are I hope no one trusts you with their kids!

Anonymous said...

I personally have to side with the husband, women think they shoot out kids and then not pay attention to the man that they married. Oh yes you don't care if he is going to struggle and get stressed paying for you and a growing kid.

It is absolutly horrible how people treat eachother. If you can afford to stay home and your spouse is okay with it, good for you. But if you are being a stuck up snot and no longer want to help then you really suck. I bet you even forced your husband to have the kid didn't you.

Anonymous said...

You know what in my house we have the stay at home dad. Works out great, I make more money than he does and he does the stuff I don't want to do.

Maybe OP could bring that up to her husband!!

Adult ADD said...

Mom should start her own blog. I can never get through her comments. They are way too long. Really, mom, you should.

mom said...

4:45
Check your chair. I think you might be sitting on something sharp. If you hurry you might catch it before it crawls in with the others.

(How's that for short and to the point ADD? And, yes, so sorry, I realize I am too long...and working on that! This is my first blogging experience. I have learned a lot so far though.)

Mom said...

Oops! I meant 4:54. I hope it's not too late!

Meme said...

I think it is safe to assume that 4:54 is not married.

Anonymous said...

Or she is married to a money hungry emotional robot and he has convinced her that she is an asset to the partnership only insomuch as she not only meets, but exceeds, her upkeep costs. Must be cozy at her house. Hopefully they have not "pushed out" any children that they are turning into emotionally starved little automatons.

But then, even a money hungry robot would have to get past that nasty personality, so you're probably right Meme.

Maryfreakinpoppins said...

I'm a nanny and this post offends me. Let me explain something to you bitter mommies- funny is when everyone laughs, nasty is when it's at the expense of others. Perhaps you'll learn that lesson best when it happens to your children....

Shanda's Boss said...

What are you nannies so offended about? This post is nothing more than a list of some of the stranger postings on this blog?

Thin skinned much?

My nanny is tough as nails and can actually intimidate even mu husband with one of her serious looks. I would love one of you thin skinned nannies for a week. How fun you would be to toy with!

Anonymous said...

9:32- I'd love to meet you in person any day- any time, we'll see who's thin-skinned you bit*h.

Anonymous said...

While I appreciate the humour, I wonder how any Mom or nanny could find the time to connect all the links.....hope Dad has the child!

Anonymous said...

Maryfreakinpoppins,
ITA, but as you can see, there are some nasty mean spirited people on here, so they are OK with humor at the expense of others.

br said...

connect the links or click on the links? This post just left me hungry for more.
Gimmee Gimmee
Gimmee Gimmee
Gimmee Gimmee
More

Meme said...

MaryFreakinPoppins,

I know that you fancy yourself and your type a necessity to any decent mother, but just because a mom desides to stay home and raise her own children, does not make her bitter. If you can't laugh at yourself, someone else always will.

cali mom said...

Meme, you said it!

BTW, Marry Poppins was actually a completely self-centered, intimidating, snotty bitch who probably would have been written up on this board for the way she talked to the children all the time. But she eas attractive and well groomed, seemed to associate with magic people so the kids liked her anyway and apparently her employers were happy with her job performance and didn't feel she was a lazy freeloader.

Anonymous said...

I find this post offensive on many levels. I am not a nanny, but I am offended that this is how the profession my wonderful caring nanny is part of is portrayed--whether it is a joke or not. I am a working mom who planned to balance work and career--a decision that was discussed openly with DH before starting a family--not something I was forced into. Before having children, I changed my employer to one of the top employers for working women. I am in control of where or when I work, and use flex time and work at home options whenever needed. I am here and have always been here for my kids as well as a professional loving nanny. My children are always first, but I still have a rewarding, worthwhile career. Working mom or Stay at home Mom does not have to be an either or choice. You can blend both with a little planning and help. Don't use the examples of abuse on this board as an excuse to stop working. If that is your choice, make it, own it, and be proud that it is the best choice for you. Don't blame it on some misperception about nannies.

Helaine said...

As near as I can see, this board has been up and running for 15 months or so. And all of the links posted in this article are ISYN links. As such, I am at a loss as to what you find so offended. Myself, I am offended that EMPLOYERS have such small minds and limited time that they actually let some of these horrible people in their homes!

We must consider the good and the bad when making such a decision. Go rent the Nanny or Nanny McPhee or Mary Poppins if you want to see the other side of the coin.

Stop kvetching.

maryfreakinpoppinobviouslynotliterallyduh said...

Amen! 10:47 you sound just like my employer :) I LOVE the family I've been working with for 2 years, their littl girl is one of the most important people in my life! She often asks if I will be at her wedding or when she has a baby (she's 5) and I always say yes as I have every intention of remaining a friend of the family. I am also a mom and business owner (I am a PT nanny 80% of the time) who has learned to balance it all.

gv said...

Have any of you ever read any of the magnificent pieces by my dear and treasured friend, Caitlin Flanagan?

Do you nannies signing yourself as Mary Poppins realize that Mary Poppins was an anti nanny propoganda film?

The message of the Mary Poppins movie is missed by most, but it clearly is FIRE THE NANNY!

Mrs. Banks is portrayed as hapless, incompetent ass who busies herself with nonsense to avoid taking care of her children.

Google Caitlin Flanagan and Mary Poppins. I think the article originally appeared in the New Yorker. If you haven't read it, read it!

Blech said...

I bet 90% of the "moms" on here spend more quality time with their computers than their children! Meanwhile, the very people hired to take your place you distrust enough to have brought you here? But being crotchety, bitter, angry, resentful, unhappy people who thrive on the negative attention has kept you here. Perhaps your time would be better spent putting some effort into your lives to make it more worthwhile? Go fu*k your husband, go do all those things you insist you don't have time for in your empty life, go make your kids lunch, go get a life.

This is the link to the Caitlin Flanagan story said...

Becoming Mary Poppins
P. L. Travers, Walt Disney, and the making of a myth.
by Caitlin Flanagan
http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2005/12/19/051219fa_fact1

sara said...

The "Get a life" posters are surely the most pathetic. I have a nanny and am confident she would never appear on this blog. My nanny is the one who shared this page with me. We both read it on a regular basis and discuss some of the sightings and comments. Now doesn't that suggest to you that I have a good relationship with my nanny? You know the person I am trusting to care for my beloved daughter?

Meme said...

So then tell us, Blech, since you seem to have all the answers; why exactly are YOU here?

cali mom said...

Um, gv...the childrens' BOOK "Mary Poppins" was written in the 1930's and whatever subjective twists people may have put on it after the fact have nothing whatsoever to do with the author's original intent.

Geez, did you not even know it was a book before it was a movie???

blech said...

Who me? lol, I'm writing my second book! Thanks for all of insight mommies and pseudo-mommies!

cali mom said...

And gv, you might want to tell your friend that no self-respecting Englishman would be caught dead in a kilt.

Anonymous said...

kilts r sexyyyyyyyyyyyyy

cali mom said...

I agree, but it's not the English who wear them!

cutefemmegirl said...

10:47
You have evidently been afforded 2 luxuries that alot of women on this board don't have. The 1st one being a flexible hours/work at home option AND having a good Nanny. You've obviously done your homework. Count yourself as one of the lucky ones. So why would you be offended then? Some of us, myself included, don't feel it necessary to hold down an outside job to be fulfilled ... my kids do it for me. I had a very successful business and when I (finally!) got pregnant, gave it all up ... and never looked back. My husband supports my decision 100%.
11:35
Um ... I put my kids to bed, f*ck my husband, and then come on here -so, what's your point?

mom said...

10:47 seems a little eager to "encourage" the OP into taking an outside job. (Even though OP has already said that this is not her wish.) This says a lot. When people are doing something they feel might be wrong, it always makes them feel better to have others join them in doing the same.

Anonymous said...

I concur, 8:38

Anonymous said...

Mom
"When people are doing something they feel might be wrong, it always makes them feel better to have others join them in doing the same."

Does that also apply to all the SAHMs who are constantly berating working moms to "stay home and raise your own kids" ?

Anonymous said...

BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mom said...

No. Staying at home with children (when possible...it isn't always)has positive benefits for the children involved, as well as for society as a whole. That's why stay at home moms, as well as many other people recommend it. I have even seen several working moms on here who have to work but wish they didn't, because they also realize this fact to be true.
A mom who chooses to work for fun or in order to afford an unnecessary level of luxury (and by unnecessary, I mean beyond what it takes to feed, clothe and house your family in a modest way) is contributing positively mostly only to her own self. That's why I get a little suspicious when I see somebody pushing others into that choice.

Anonymous said...

Mom... I think you are crazy! thinking that it is horrible for a women to work unless she has to. I work to support my kid and my stay at home dad. I don't in any way feel that I am neglecting my kid nor do I feel obligated to stay home and raise him. I feel that most stay at home moms are little off anyway. People are changing and growing, women are not on earth just to raise babies. If that had to be my role in life I would never never have had a child. I like to work and my hubby stays at home - it is what we BOTH agreed on.

The OP in this scenario is not understanding her husbands point of view and that makes her just as hard headed and she is making him out to be. I don't know when relationships became a single minded decision, it is supposed to be a partnership.

But I must be wasting me breath this sight is being blogged on by the "average" money grubbing, selfish woman of today.

Values, truth, and respect have been lost in all the marriages. It is sad.

mom said...

12:37
Duh. If your husband is home your child is obviously being raised by a loving parent. (Do we really need to list all of the logical exceptions in every post, or can we just bear those in mind and assume people get it.)

And, in your particular case, it sounds from your view of motherhood that is probably best for your child that it is not you who is with him all day anyway. You sound like one of those selfish people who has children only out of some narcissistic urge to sort of "clone" yourself. I hope your poor child never overhears you brag of your disdain for motherhood, or how you would never have had him if you thought you might get stuck raising him yourself.
Ironic that you should mention "Values" and "respect."

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny. And of all the things you mentioned here I AM NONE OF THEM.
I honestly feel very discouraged by the fact of how nannies are viewed.
I am first and for most a human being.

Anonymous said...

and THAT is why this post is offensive.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

I don't get personally offended when somebody mentions a horrible or abusive SAHM. I know there are some of those and it is very sad. I am not one of those SAHMs, so I consider those posts only informational. It's good to hear about them so we can be informed and know what to look for when we might see an abused child.

Same thing with bad nanny posts. I don't think really good nannies take them personally.

Anonymous said...

You don't get it? People on here make nannies out to be horrid people in general! Contributing to the "NYC" stereotype that we are fat, lazy, uneducated, cranky, controling, bullies who mistreat children. THAT offends ME and I am a terrific nanny in HIGH demand! I guess you don't get racisim either? You don't get much do you? How can I be proud of my profession when it is SO looked down upon by people like the negative witches that make up 90% of this website? You make GOOD nannies ashamed of their profession by giving it such a bad name. And the ones who "don't get it" are JUST as bad. I am offended by generalizations that INCLUDE me as they are about my profession- no different than people talking about black people and how ghetto, poor, uneducated they are or whatever- it offends ALL black people- GET IT YET? NOBODY likes to be stereotyped in a negative light.

I am EDUCATED (degree in child development, former nurse and working on MSW) I am TERRIFIC with kids (current nanny job 2 yrs and the family LOVES me and I them) I am NOT LAZY, today I was on the swings with my charge, then I took her to buy a new goldfish, bought her hot chocolate with MY $, we sang songs in the car then we went home and danced :) I could actually find a job that fits my schedule more and pays better as I am now only with her after school and on breaks- but I stay as I've made a commitment to this family and I LOVE them. It saddens me and offends me that so many people look down of ME and EVERY nanny.

anonymous1 said...

wrong, wrong, wrong...
The whole basis of this blog is to "out" bad nannies. When all the bad nannies have no jobs, only the good nannies will be left to care for our precious children.

mom said...

7:21
There are a few people here who do generalize and include every member of a certain group in their very tiresome and generally hate filled rants. I (I assume/hope along with most others here, immediately dismiss those posts as ridiculous and not worth the time they took to write.) Don't take them seriously and don't let them get to you. Those are just the really unhappy people who can't be happy until they do their best make everybody around them miserable.
Yes, I understand about prejudice. What I don't understand is how somebody can make a post trying to simply describe a nanny by saying she looked Asian, or Chinese, or Black or Jamaican, or that she was wearing a certain thing, or had Jewish underwear sticking out, or fake looking clip on hair, and all of a sudden some people go nuts and call them racist. Talk about promoting racial division! Let's dredge it up even where no offense was intended and stir up some great drama.

Some people really need to get a grip!

Anonymous said...

I have noticed on this blog that when the OP is writing about a black nanny the first thing people comment is: that lazy slob!, or fire her ass! or something equally foul sounding. Otherwise it seems a more civil discussion. It has bothered me ever since I started reading this blog. And while the nanny in question may have been lazy or incompetent, when talking about a black nanny commenters seem to be generally more obscene in thier language. People can be racist and not even be conciously aware of it. Evaluate your inner prejudices honestly.

Anonymous said...

7:21 PM
Keep in mind that most of the offensive comments denigrating ALL nannies are made by SAHMs who don't have nannies. If you are a terrific nanny, love your job, and you are valued and well treated by your work family, that is what matters. Don't let the nasty comments on an anonymous blog get to you.
I did when I first saw this site, but now I just think about my charges' big smiles when I arrive, the hugs when I leave, and the little kindnesses my employers show me, and am grateful I don't work for some of these posters!
Proud to be,
A Nanny

Meme said...

8:42. Just where do you get this info about who is making the comments? Quit listening to the voices in your head. They may be lying to you to make you feel more important than you really are.

Anonymous said...

This site is to report bad nannies. It is called I saw Your Nanny and was started to help parents be on their guard about bad nannies. As the past has proved, bad nannies can be good actresses.

There are sites that report litterbugs in Michigan. It doesn't mean all people in Michigan are litterbugs, but you do go there with the intent of hearing about litterbugs.

Instead of trouncing on this blog, why don't you so easily offended go blog at any of the other bazillion pro nanny and wo is my nanny life boards.

Boo freakin' hoo.

Anonymous said...

I votes this

"FAVORITE POST" ever.

Kudos to the author.

I don't think great nannies would be threatened by this. By their skills and existence, they should set theirselves a part. If you are reduced to hysterical typing after reading this, my guess is you fear being exposed for the shitburger you are. No offense.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Meme (the real one) said...

That last Meme comment is an imposter. It is not me. The name on this one is a link to psychosis. What this person who is pretending to be me clearly has.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Meme said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

The links in this post are to stories of child abuse and neglect. I do not find child abuse and neglect entertaining or funny--as the OP and the SAHMs who are praising and defending her from those who've taken appropriate offense at this post seem to. Shame on you.

meme said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Meme (the real one) said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
maggie said...

Thanks Jane for putting a moratorium on the ridiculous comments inspired by what I can only imagine is an out of work, disgruntled nanny- or perhaps a crackwhore.

I enjoyed reading this post because it is interesting to see some of the sightings I may have missed over the year.

One last thing, if your nanny is taking care of one of your children who is under two; you must absolutely fire her if you notice any sort of strange or moody behavior. It's okay to be wrong. I'd rather be wrong at the end of the day and still have a child to tuck in.

I think the professional nanny community should do more to distance themselves from these imposter nannies who populate the parks, fake their references and give nannies a bad name. This site is not giving nannies a bad name. These nannies are giving nannies a bad name.

Meme said...

Thanks Jane.

cali mom said...

Wow Meme (the real one), you too?

A said...

Real "Klassy" bunch here I see. I think the resentful mothers who choose to hire uneducated, unprofessional, inexperienced "nannies" are the ones giving the rest of us (the great majority) a bad name. How exactly does one "distance" themselves from the broad generalizations and bad mouthing on a site like this? I see a LOT of negative people who assume the worst. I am all for reporting abuse and obvious neglect but what I see here often reminds me of a witch-hunt. The solution would be for mother's to hire quality child care for their children- put some more effort and thought into something so important! It seems in MOST cases the poor charcter and inexperience/lack of qualifications these "bad nannies" have is obvious- and yet, they are hired (in droves in NYC it seems) by someone! "If not but for" in legal terms, the actions of these neglectful parents- the issues would be moot. Get it together mommies (who this applies to).

Meme said...

Cali Mom...

Yeah some people have nothing better to amuse themselves with than go on blogs and pretend to be other people. Two of us got it last night.

anonymous1 said...

Very true... and pretty low

mom said...

I missed all the fun. By the time I woke up this morning, the entire series of messages, which I assume made up a very disgusting conversation between meme and me had been deleted. Good job Jane Doe.
While meme and I were asleep, snuggling cozily with our husbands, some sad person sat up all alone on the computer all night long and wrote a bunch of crud that almost nobody ended up seeing anyway.
Hope it was worth it.

Anonymous said...

Mom - anyone who is a regular here and knows how the both of you post would've known it was a fake. No big deal.

mom said...

Thanks 11:17.
I figured that too, which is why it didn't bother me too much. In fact, I was in the process of saying the same thing to meme when my "own" offensive posts popped up.

Meme said...

a:

While I do see your point, You have to understand that, although it does sometimes go off-topic, the main purpose of this blog is report bad nannies. That being said, these are not generalisations (from most posters), but our opinions of the nannies posted about on this site.

Anonymous said...

how diplomatic of you meme- mature response- thumbs up on that one!

Mammasita said...

To "CuteFemmeGirl"...I AGREE WITH YOU 100%! Your post said it all..I am also a SAHM and LOVE it, but that doesn't mean that I am not "pulling" my weight financially. Look at the cost of childcare and the benefits of being with your child all day. Unless of course you are one of those mothers that don't enjoy that..go figure.
And to poster "Anonymous at 4:54": GET A LIFE! Obviously you have no children or no husband. Quite possibly, you have neither. Or, maybe you are a man pissed off because his wife wants to be a SAHM. Get over yourself!