The Terminator

Ray Hartland

      We need to let our nanny of 1 year, 4 months go due to financial problems we are having. We can't afford to give her severance, but will give her two weeks notice, if she wants to stay and work. Besides a thank you letter and letter of reference, is there anything I can do for her? I just feel she is going to be very angry with us. Has anyone had that happen? When the nanny gets really angry and then you don't feel comfortable around her? If that should happen, do I rescind her ability to continue working for two weeks? She was our first and only nanny. My brother-in-law says that because she is a live in nanny we have to give her thirty days notice. Is there a legal form for this? I feel like we should put this in writing but I couldn't find anything online as a sample. We are planning to do this as soon as possible. Please help. I'm nervous. If she wants to leave right away, that is more than okay with me, I just need some sort of documentation to prove I offered her to stay 30 days? I'm very nervous about this.

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The Stepmother...

Need some advice on how to make this argument. I am marrying at the end of June. I have spent overnight trips with my fiance since becoming engaged and will not move in officially until July 1 (logistical). I am marrying a father with two children with one woman. He has been divorced 2.5 years.

Paula Rego

He has sole custody of the children and they have visitation with their mother, every other weekend from Friday-Monday morning and a week at Christmas, a week in summer. The father hired a nanny when they first separated and the nanny was the go between the father and mother. She is a good person and was able to be the peaceful connection between the two during the bitter times following the separation.

The nanny has continued to be friendly with the mother in a way that keeps the mother informed of the children's lives on a more regular basis. The nanny seems oddly committed to continuing to fill this role, even though as I see it, she is no longer needed.

The nanny is also a live-in. I am a real estate agent and set my own hours. I very much want to get a new nanny, someone who will work as a live-out and work more to serve our household. I don't see anyway around this and I don't think it is too much to ask since I am taking on two children, one of whom has special needs.

What I would like is the nanny to continue through the summer (or as long as she likes through 8/17). She could work along with the new nanny, if she liked. I would also give her the option to leave after two weeks and take all of the remaining weeks paid.

I am changing my life around taking on a whole new family and I am getting some resistance from my finance who seems to cling to this nanny who has outlived her purpose.

2015 The Firings, #3

     I was fired by text on a Sunday. I had spent the whole weekend buying things and shopping for a winter trip from NY to the Breakers in Florida. I even had to buy a suitcase. The text message said, "We've spoken and we won't be needing you anymore." That's all I got and this was after 9 months of full-time employment taking care of three children. I wanted an explanation. It took me three weeks to get an explanation. The agency that placed me finally got a hold of the mother I worked for. She was dodging their calls too. So I thought I wanted to know why I was fired. Then I hear it. Turns out the mother "couldn't bear the thought of spending ten days with me."

    I have a great firing story for you. I worked for a family in CT for three months. Everything was going great. One night, the garage was left open (a Sunday) and someone came and stole a snowblower, a jeep ride on car, a bicycle and a few tools. And keep in mind...this was Sunday...I didn't work, so I hadn't left the garage open...I was fired...because...Upon reviewing the security camera, the thieves 'looked like friends of mine'. I couldn't even argue that I didn't know anything about that, I was told, 'We can't go forward because the circle of trust has been broken, irregardless'.  <---Yes, he really said that. And this all happened in the span of three very long hours on a Monday morning in front of the three year old child.

     I was fired three weeks in to my job for 'ruining a mauviel heritage pan'. I didn't even know what that was until I was fired over ruining it, I had to figure out why it was so important. I asked how I ruined it and she told me with a disgusted sneer, 'You made scrambled eggs in it'. 

     I don't know if this is technically a firing. I went through an agency and found a job on Park Ave in the city. They asked me if I would be willing to do a 2 week paid trial. I said, yes, of course. The 2 week trial was almost over when the agency called me and said, "they think you are wonderful, but want to extend the trial another two weeks, just to be sure, can you do that?" I said I would. I was getting paid. I loved the job. I was getting to know the schedule, the neighborhood and the children. My last trial day was a Friday. Just like the previous Fridays I was paid by check at the end of the day. When the mom paid me she said, "Thank you, we'll see you Monday.". I don't know if she realized then that the extended trial was over or not. I called the agency to double check with them that things were a go for permanent employment. The agency had to reach the family. The agency gets back to me Saturday night and tells me that I am not to return there. I explained what she said and that everything went well. I asked what was wrong. She told me it was hard to get the mother to say exactly what the problem but finally the mother shared that I was competitive with her and had no sense of boundaries. What? I'm not perfect but those are two problems I don't and never had.

     My nanny family fired me after 4 smooth months when over Thanksgiving weekend the eight year old had nightmares of Jason Voorhees. The twelve year old had showed her some Friday the 13 movies. The 8 year old was really freaked out and the parents were upset. I understand that. The 12 year old told the parents that I downloaded the movies for him on to his computer and that it was my idea that they watch them together so I could 'go do stuff'. None of that happened and no one watched horror movies on my watch!

   

Send your "I was fired..." to isynblog@gmail.com.

Terminated on a Lie

     I wanted your thoughts on this. Four years ago, my oldest was 7. We hired a new nanny and fired her within one month. We paid her what we owed her, no severance.

     I'll abbreviate the story, but at the core of him, my son came home and told me that the nanny while driving our car, the nanny vehicle, swerved to hit a squirrel and said "Two points". She continued the conversation by telling him that possums are the best thing to hit because they make a nice squishy sound and that even skunks are great because they won't smell until the next person. Of course, this was concerning, in addition to our son telling us that when they were out in the backyard the day before, the neighbor's cat had come over and she had told him that cats can land on their feet from great distances and threw the cat in the air a number of times to demonstrate that philosophy. Alarming. Right? When we terminated the nanny, we did not want a he said/she said, we simply said it wasn't working out and we were going to try another candidate.

Victor Tkachenko

    Yesterday, I walked in my local bank for the first time in awhile and she was there, working as a teller. I waited in line and fortunately the line worked out that I was directed to another teller. She looked at me with the strangest look. I looked away from her.

    Here's the deal, about two years ago, we started our son in therapy. A lot of behaviors he's had over the years were called in to question. The first alarming behavior was making things up and lying about others. The incident with the nanny was the beginning of a pattern we did not recognize at the time. When we terminated the nanny, I will be honest, I believed my son 100%. I thought she was a vile person. I disliked her for misrepresenting herself and causing this chaos in our house (nanny turnover, loss of work days).  I wasn't unkind when I let her go, but I wasn't nice.

    I feel like I owe her an explanation and apology. What do you think? And how would I go about that? I was thinking if I asked her to call me, she would probably not. But, I don't want a prolonged conversation at her place of business that talks about firing and mental health. Any suggestions?

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Need Nanny to Quit (but we're not sure why)

I need advice from Nannies. I need to get my nanny to quit because we don't want to fire her. I have two school aged children who are very attached to her, but we don't need her anymore. For reasons I cannot get into, we cannot just let her go or communicate with her that we don't need her anymore. I have even tried finding her a job on a cruise ship. I am fairly desperate to be rid of her.

Send in your stories, sightings, experiences and questions to 

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Firing a mediocre nanny..

I have decided our nanny is just not a good fit. She doesn't do anything abusive that I am aware of, she just rubs me the wrong way. I have tried to make this work for the better part of three months. It is getting to the point now that when I come home, I am pained to make small talk with her. I imagine she might pick up on this? What is my obligation to this girl? She came from the Ithaca area to our home in Westchester and she live-in. Being honest seems practical, but unkind. I don't like her. My children seem to like her just fine. I was thinking of giving her three weeks severance pay.