The Terminator

Ray Hartland

      We need to let our nanny of 1 year, 4 months go due to financial problems we are having. We can't afford to give her severance, but will give her two weeks notice, if she wants to stay and work. Besides a thank you letter and letter of reference, is there anything I can do for her? I just feel she is going to be very angry with us. Has anyone had that happen? When the nanny gets really angry and then you don't feel comfortable around her? If that should happen, do I rescind her ability to continue working for two weeks? She was our first and only nanny. My brother-in-law says that because she is a live in nanny we have to give her thirty days notice. Is there a legal form for this? I feel like we should put this in writing but I couldn't find anything online as a sample. We are planning to do this as soon as possible. Please help. I'm nervous. If she wants to leave right away, that is more than okay with me, I just need some sort of documentation to prove I offered her to stay 30 days? I'm very nervous about this.

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The Stepmother...

Need some advice on how to make this argument. I am marrying at the end of June. I have spent overnight trips with my fiance since becoming engaged and will not move in officially until July 1 (logistical). I am marrying a father with two children with one woman. He has been divorced 2.5 years.

Paula Rego

He has sole custody of the children and they have visitation with their mother, every other weekend from Friday-Monday morning and a week at Christmas, a week in summer. The father hired a nanny when they first separated and the nanny was the go between the father and mother. She is a good person and was able to be the peaceful connection between the two during the bitter times following the separation.

The nanny has continued to be friendly with the mother in a way that keeps the mother informed of the children's lives on a more regular basis. The nanny seems oddly committed to continuing to fill this role, even though as I see it, she is no longer needed.

The nanny is also a live-in. I am a real estate agent and set my own hours. I very much want to get a new nanny, someone who will work as a live-out and work more to serve our household. I don't see anyway around this and I don't think it is too much to ask since I am taking on two children, one of whom has special needs.

What I would like is the nanny to continue through the summer (or as long as she likes through 8/17). She could work along with the new nanny, if she liked. I would also give her the option to leave after two weeks and take all of the remaining weeks paid.

I am changing my life around taking on a whole new family and I am getting some resistance from my finance who seems to cling to this nanny who has outlived her purpose.

When the Baby Doesn't Like the Nanny

I am the OP of When the Baby Doesn't Like the Nanny. It was harder than it should be to arrange my husband to do the handoff in the morning, but he seperated from husband to nanny with no problem. Husband could not do the evenings. Last night, when I came home the nanny was holding the baby and the baby was upset. When passed to me, baby immediately soothed. I felt bad for her red face. Tonight, I asked nanny to put baby in the swing at 5:00. "Baby" was crying when I walked in, nanny said she hadn't wanted the swing. So I think we have a fussy baby on our hands, who is most happy in mommy's arms. I feel better for the suggestions, especially knowing that with husband handing off in the morning, she looked to the nanny and clasped on to her hard. Thanks everyone. I really didn't want to work part time!

Original Post 4/29/15 11:38 AM
 Problem. I have a 16 month old nanny and a new nanny for one month. She seems wonderful to me. I noticed a lot of separation anxiety with my child in the beginning, which I assumed is normal. When it continued, I sent the nanny to the beach with the child during week three and had a friend observe her without her knowledge. The friend reports the nanny tried to interest my daughter in the sand toys, used a positive tone of voice, showed enthusiasm, smiled a lot, handled her gently, etc. This is week 4, day three and I don't know what else I can do to fix this. She screams and cries in the morning when the nanny arrives and when I leave. When I take her from the nanny in the evening, she looks back at her in a guarded way.  I know some people just don't mesh, is this possible with the baby? When I first returned to work after maternity leave, I worked part time and had a part time nanny. When the part time nanny could not take on the full time schedule, I had to replace her with this new, highly recommended nanny. It is so bad that I really am thinking of going back to part time and bringing the part time nanny back. So my question to you all is, in addition to wondering why this mix isn't working, how do I let a nanny go after a month? She doesn't have a contract, but we did talk with her and ask for a long term committment. Is two weeks severance and a strong letter of recommendation enough?

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