Should I call CPS? YES YOU SHOULD!

I recently met a family that moved from Ohio to the mountains of Northern California that have elementary aged home-schooled children and a toddler. After a few days of working for them, I was overwhelmed with anxiety due to the children crying to me about their feelings of neglect, their mother being stressed out not giving them attention, not having clean dishes to eat off of. Overall I could see that the emotional state that they were in was concerning.  Their mother hired me so that she could have a "sanity day" and do some work outside of the home. Needless to say, she "turned it on" for me to appear to be a healthy functioning family and lit a candle to cover the stench of her repulsively unclean home.  I tried not to judge a busy mom with a big family at first, so I agreed to help.  However, it did not take long for me to notice many red flags, (and an even dirtier condition than when I first met them), that prompted me, as a professional caregiver and teacher, to wonder if I should report this family to CPS.  Here is the list of concerns:

Extremely unsanitary house.  The floor in the kitchen, the counter-tops and inside the cabinets are covered with dirt, old crusted food, bugs, candy, and a variety of questionable substances.  There was always food left out from days before with flies and gnats hovering.  The sink and surrounding area had dirty dishes with rancid milk stains in cups and baby bottles, mold growing in water that had been sitting for days with food left in them,  dishes in the cupboards were still dirty or greasy, dirty dishes and food left in every area of the house, attracting bugs, and the bathrooms were so horrendous that I didn't feel comfortable using the restroom (these boys would pee all over and never wash their hands). The house reeked a horrible smell, dirty wipes for the toddler scattered throughout the house and the children couldn't even see the floor in their rooms. Overall, every area in the house was a health hazard. Likewise, I saw no clean clothes or bottles for the toddler.

There appears to be a huge lack of structure.  These kids are all home-schooled due to not having vaccinations.  The oldest boy (12) was allowed to sleep-in every day that I was there, and I only saw the 10 year-old sitting at the computer once for school (while he was on the phone in front of his mother playing video games). They appear not to have much discipline or respect for an authoritative figure and did not want to read books or study; they wanted to play video games or watch TV. They defied every attempt of me to provide structure.  The children would be defensive saying "we are home-schooled and can do what we want to".  The kids would fight and the youngest of the three boys would try to "handle" the toddler girl to the point that she would consistently push him away and hit him.  She did not appear to understand boundaries.They had lack of educational balance.The 10 year-old can only read at a 1st grade level (barely), has a speech impediment, emotional issues, and expresses his frustration openly. He is overly aggressive with his siblings. They all express their dissatisfaction with him (as well as, expressing that their mother ignores their needs).

The mother did not pay me for my services and harassed me on a caregiver website giving false ratings and information due to projection, embarrassment and spite.

Now, this is only a few days and I probably did not capture everything.  However, it was enough for me to question the situation and if I should report this mother to protect the children living in filth, have a lack of education, and no real structure that will help them form as they grow up.  Does any of this sound like grounds for contacting CPS officials to look into the situation? I am worried for the children but not sure if this is enough to make a report. I have NEVER seen a family this filthy and deprived, I am so concerned for the educational, emotional and overall health of these children.

HELP!

20180330

Tears from a Button!!

DB is almost 10 months and he was a preemie. He is a great kid, mostly happy,eats,cute as a button, plays independently. But he does not nap well. Some days he does nap for an hour well if he did not sleep well the night before. I am here 3 days. He will sleep hours if you hold him. I have been trying the last two weeks with a schedule, and MB agreed to stick to it when she is with him. Do you think this will help him? Are we silly thinking we can sleep train him with no tears? It hurts my heart to hear him cry in his crib! I want to cry too! Please help me help my MB!

To "chat" or NAP - that is the question!

M&A are 15 month old toddlers who I care for during the day. They share the same room-cribs within arm's length of each other. They love to stay up during the day "chatting" instead of napping. If they don't nap they are close to non manageable by end of the day. They sleep well at night. When is it a good time to give M her own room - to separate them. I want to because i put them to bed most during the day but mom does not want to...

2 year old ROCKY! What do I do?

I currently nanny for an almost 3 year old boy and his 8 month old brother. Every time I walk in their house to start my shift the 2 year old automatically sees me, starts yelling " NOOOOO!" and is super mean and runs up to me trying to hit me but the mom and I stop him. It's hard to explain but it seriously makes me sad. I do everything for these boys and the 2 year old does this in front of his parents. As soon as they leave I am his best friend and it's like nothing ever happened. What do I do? I am tired of it and it makes me look bad. Why? What can I do to make him stop?

Nanny Needs Work; Agencies Don't Respond

I'm a career nanny looking for work. In September, my most recent family moved (hours away) and I've been without a job ever since. The two families I did nanny for were both referrals. I decided to change things up so I took a chance at working with placement agencies. After months of applying to different agencies (all the best in LA) I am still without a job. I've come to understand how nanny placement agencies work for the most part. Most of them are the "don't call us, we'll call you" type. I check in with the eight agencies I'm registered with from time to time, just to let them know I'm still looking for work, but I get the same answers "we'll let you know if a family is interested in your profile".

My profile is very strong. I have eight plus years of experience and glowing references. I've never met a person who had a problem with my personality. I try to stay empathetic, diplomatic, and humble in dealing with people. I know I'm qualified for positions I apply to but I get no responses. I'm frustrated and confused at this point. I've been without work for months and stress is getting to me. I've been patient and understanding with the agencies, but I want to know if I'll ever get work.

Am I going about it the right way?  Is this is a valid way to get work as a nanny or am I just wasting my time? I know every agency is different and it all depends on the families, but I'm curious as to whether or not my resume is even being sent to the families I apply to.

If you've ever worked at nanny agencies, I would very much like your opinion on the matter. Thank you for reading my rather long rant. I just don't know if this is the right way to obtain a position in the field I love. I don't have any other referrals to turn to. Thanks again.

20180228

Twins and Autism

I am a career nanny but I have never had to endure the issue I have with my current family.  I am a nanny to 13 month old twins(boy and girl).  Recently I notice some behavior that b is doing that his sister does not. I know it maybe a bit early but I’m thinking he may have some signs of autism.  It’s a scary word- how would I bring up this dedicate topic up with the parents? They are first time parents...

20180216

 

Hi, I currently nanny 1 kid who will start preschool soon. I will have to drop him off and pick him up when he starts preschool. The parents would also like me to run errands while the child is at school. I guess they don't want to pay me for not doing anything while he is at preschool.

My question is what should I do? I have been with them for almost 2 years and that time was dedicated toward being a nanny. I feel as if I am going beyond my job description and am becoming a personal assistant. I get paid $16.00 an hour and feel I should be better compensated if I am going to be a personal assistant AND nanny.

20180214

Bad Road, Bad Weather, (Bad) Feuding Neighbors

 I have a situation at work that I don’t have control over but I’m stuck in the middle.  I work for a family who lives on a private dirt road.  In the middle of this road is a hill.  When it is covered in snow and ice, unless you have 4 wheel drive, you are risking getting stuck!  That was exactly my situation.  I got stuck and my boss told me that it is their neighbor’s responsibility to get the road fixed and/or plowed. The neighbor says it is my boss' responsibility. They've been having this neighboring feud long before I started.  When the weather gets bad,  I have to park on an opposite neighborhood road and walk more than  100 feet, on a busy road, full of traffic, to get to work.  It is  scary!  I start early in the morning.  With Winter here, it is still dark outside.  I don’t want to add fuel to the fire with this neighboring feud, but I don’t feel safe!

20180212

Am I Being Harassed?

So I have been a nanny  for 7 years and I know what I am doing. I have relocated to California from Oregon for my husbands job. I have worked for several families over many years and I feel I am being micro-managed and watched too closely. The dad works from home and basically spies on me, follows us to the park driving by in his car. Is this harassment? I am 30 and have worked with babies and all age groups for 7 years. These kids are 3 and 5. At the park I have to be with the 3 year old at all times, even if he is just walking in the play area. I sat down once to drink water, the dad drove by and said something. How far is too far? Today the dad wanted to know how frequently I visit the bathroom. Is that too far? They have the door rigged with an alarm so they know when I leave for the park. I feel trapped, I am not allowed to let the kids ride their bikes or power wheels. I feel like I am being treated as a child. I also feel they may be illegally taping me.

Editor's note : - we asked the Op if one of the kids got hurt while she was in the restroom and the Op answered   " No, but the 5 year old got into some valentines the mother was going to take back to the store, I do have a weak bladder, and the mother asked the 5 year old if I was in the restroom a lot and the 5 year old said yes"

Tragedies Are No Fun ;('''''

I am a mom of a 3 year old girl, I am not thinking straight right now because my husband passed away unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. My nanny has been a Godsend - putting in extra hours staying over night several times without my asking. She has not asked for extra money and I have been unable to focus on it, I am not rich. A year ago, her mother was sick and we gave her 4 days off with pay, no discussion. Should I just assume her regular salary is all right? I am not sure I can focus on a conversation about money. I am glad my husbands mother is here to help. What is customary in this case, this is my first child so I am learning.

Nanny To The Rescue !! Jenna Lee Baker, The Only Thing Missing Is Her Cape!

Virtually all the nannies who read and contribute here are loving and professional with their charges, but how often do we actually get to save our little one's life? Actually hopefully never, but one nanny just recently did so in Super Hero fashion. The nanny worked with the Jonathan Lai family with her 3 year old male charge and they were coming back to the house in Irvine Ca from running errands. The second she and her Little skipped into the house, she knew something was wrong, she told her Little to come back to her, she picked him up and then heard feet on the staircase. She ran out of the house with her charge, saving his life and hers. The burgler had crashed a window, vandalized part of the house all in broad day light. He is at large. Mr Lai makes the point that during the evil theft a cell phone never left the bad guy's hand, so there are probably co-conspirators. Even though no one on this blog is likely to know this scum bag, I am putting his pic anyway as he is still at large.

CAN PARENTS GET ANY WORSE THAN THIS???

Hi, I am a nanny/sitter. I have a long line of experience with working with children in different environments (schools, daycares, dance studios, in-home care, etc).  I started with a new family this year as my last family I worked for moved away.  I started working for this family in late August of this year 2017. I take care of the child M-F full time when she is not in school.  The parents want nothing to do with the child and go drink at bars and do not come home late.  I even was forced to buy a new vehicle to transport their child around. I must drop her off to school (which is 30 mins away) and pick her up from school, take her to after-school actives and such.  They do not pay for insurance, my insurance went up for having this child in my car by $94 monthly.  I am at ends-witt.  They are not friendly ever.  You cannot have a normal conversation with them, everything is so weird.  They have tried getting me to take care of someone else's kids in which I do not know the parents. I told them I was not comfortable with it and they got on my case.  Well, I bought the kid 2 Christmas presents for this year.  I wrapped them very nice and neat. I even gave a card to the child.  I also  provided a Christmas card for the parents.  Well, I was not even given a bonus, and the gift they gave me was re-gifted. It was not even wrapped just handed to me. I was not even given more pay for this week even though I am working 15 more hours than normal. No holiday bonus, no raise, nothing.  I do not even get compensated for gas.  I'm very upset almost in tears.

IMPORTANT UPDATE! This Op has written in the comment section that yes, she has wisely quit this bad work situation. She is wondering if she should go to a child advocate party such as the children's principle or CPS on behalf of the children. Several posters have said YES!!

Emotional Turbulence

I have been working for the same family for 3 years and my 7 year old charge has started having very big tantrums before her mom leaves for work in the morning. I have tried to ask if I am doing something wrong but she says she just wants to be with her mom. The mother does not help she just lets it happen. the mother works M-F 9 to 4pm and spends all other time with the 7 year old. This has become very exhausting for to deal with every day.

Bad Nanny Sighting- Westport Library

The nanny left a little 2 year old girl with brown hair named Willa alone in the children's area of the Westport library at 10am  for 15 minutes while she went somewhere else. Anyone could have taken her. Also the little girl seemed to have a cold and the nanny did not wipe her nose. Additional info: Description of nanny: Darker skin, accent, late 20's maybe 30, I spoke with the nanny who said after the library would be taking the child to school.

2017 Bonuses

We would love to post your 2017 Holiday Bonuses/Gifts

Here is an example

Bonus this year: $1000

Weekly salary: 1200 before taxes

Age and number of charges: a 1 year old girl and a 4 year old boy

Supplemental gifts: a $100 Amazon gift card, Paw Patrol fluffy house shoes, a framed picture of me and my charge, a $100 gift card to my favorite BBQ restaurant

Length of time with family: 1 and 1/2 years

Location: El Paso Tx.

Comments: I really love the family I work with, they let me use their car, give me a $50 a week gas allowance, and tell me all the time how much they appreciate me

Thank you but --- No!

I need to rant - a few days ago I interviewed for a nanny position, the interview went on about 2 hours. It started well but an hour into it the parents started asking really detailed questions about everything about my life, everything I eat, my hours of sleeping etc. They brought out the baby for me to play with, which I really liked the baby, but they got about 30 minutes of free babysitting out of me as they left me with the baby as they talked on the phone, went into other rooms etc. Then after almost 2 hours they tried to get me to agree to less money and they mentioned the actual name of another nanny they evidently interviewed who I know from the agency is substandard who will agree to a lower rate than me. At that point I found a way to leave even though they wanted me to stay. They have called me by phone several times, I have emailed them declining the job, My contact at the agency says I am being unprofessional not calling them back while I feel I do not want them to take up any more of my time. I do not think I am being unprofessional not calling them by phone!

Dark Cloud For A Nanny ! - Buh BYE! ( Another Job - Coming Up!)

Hi, I've been a nanny for my NF for going on a year. The little one just turned one today! I have enjoyed my job until these last few weeks. The parents have been very micromanaging and they have been making offensive back hand comments back to back. Recently I had a situation where I was putting the child to sleep in her crib and the father felt we were in the room too long and came into the room and took the baby out of the crib and accused me of making the crib a punishment. This hurt my heart and had really pushed me to a breaking point not to mention the father works from home and the mother has her own business so she is in and out the door some days. I work full time and try to get out of the house when I can but it's now cold and most of our time is spent inside.

We recently had a meeting the father and I and he repeatedly compared me to the daycare they considered and even mentioned the price difference and how he wants me to become more of her teacher instead of nanny. MY thing is the baby is still only one so learning thru playing is one of the best parts def with personal time. Also I am a part time student and I don't have time to take work home and put together a lesson plan for a 1 year old that is above my paygrade. Also I am so turned off that I am looking for a new job, but they continue to give me mixed signs. I am venting and asking how do I get rid of this dark cloud in my work life and profession?

Great Kids Sighting

I am a nanny, I have been following the blog for about a year and I feel bad sometimes when I see nannies dealing with problem children and parents as I am lucky with my NF. I don't know if this is allowed, but I want to tell a positive story about my NF. The family I work with love animals and rescue ANYTHING - fish, cats, dogs, birds - even a lizard and a caterpillar. I am nannying to work through veterinary school and my female charge, almost 7, wants to be a vet too! Well, one of her mother's friends who specializes in cat rescue found a cat in her yard wounded without an eye,right jaw harmed - the conclusion of the vet was sad - the cat had been attacked and left for dead by bad humans. My mini-me, I will say her first name - Shaunie- and the NF brought the cat - Maity ( like a pirate) back to life, Maity forgave humans and goes out with Shaunie to play with all the kids outside ( and share their lunches which is another story). So last week as we three - Shaunie, Maity and I were on the porch and several neighborhood kids rode up on their bikes with a question - they wanted to know what had happened to Maity ( Maity's appearance in the face is something that you have to get used to) I watched my mini-me hold forth on what the bad people did and how important it was to care about animals. All her friends were listening carefully. Before they all rode off I said   " You guys are ALL good kids to care about animals, and I  want each one of you to tell your mom and dad I said so! They all nodded seriously and rode off. There is hope for the nanny world !

Rant - You Have To Be Carefully Taught

I am really mad and if anyone thinks I did the wrong thing I don't want to hear it! I am from Guadalajara and my two charges,little girls 8 and 6 are African-American. At the playground 3 days ago a boy, about 6, used a very inappropriate word which starts with N. He was up on the slide and when my 2 charges ran over giggling  to climb up the slide he looked at them with an angry look and said what he said.I had heard it and my mouth was open, my 8 year old charge in particular was upset and confused, and wanted to know why he said that. I walked right over to the boy, told him I heard what he said and that it was very hurtful and wrong and I insisted strongly that he apologize to the two girls. He looked very sheepish and whispered "sorry". Then his mother and older brother came over and I told them firmly what happened, the older brother said something like " leave him alone, he can say what he wants" and the mother refused to address the issue of the horrible word he used and said " I will discipline my child, you are not allowed to speak to him." When we got home I told MB what happened and we had a familiar discussion with her girls like - "ignorant people and words do not define you, you can be anything ever you want."What is WRONG with some people?

Job Creep Revisited

(Editor's Note :This Post is a clarification of the post directly below this one, the question to the Original Poster was - " How did your NF institute JOB CREEP ? "

The parents began leaving dirty laundry everywhere, in the washer and dryer throughout the downstairs hallways etc. I would come in every morning and pots and pans from dinner with crusted food would be piled high in the sink. Dad began to 'work from home" which meant sitting on the couch all afternoon watching youtube videos while the pile of dishes he made there grew. Granted I was getting paid whether he was at the office or there on the couch but can you see my frustration given the scenario? This dirty dish problem caused me to struggle making breakfast and packing lunches for my charges.

MB worked as a nurse practitioner and the other doctors' children would come over for "playdates" and when I arrived for my shift they would stay until " mom got off her shift" so essentially I was nannying 2 extra kids without pay or notice. I was contracted to leave at 3pm on Tuesdays which became 4 or 5 without notice. Dad would come home and I would be sent home via phone by MB and she explained she would write my check "tomorrow". This happened again on a Friday and I refused to leave until MB came home and wrote my check. Having explained all that,the kids were great, my salary was very good and my vacation days were generous. I did have a discussion with MB about these problems which had no effect.

(Editors note again: for new readers, this anonymous nanny's question is - should she use the above MB as a reference? She worked for them almost 2 years)