Emotional Turbulence

I have been working for the same family for 3 years and my 7 year old charge has started having very big tantrums before her mom leaves for work in the morning. I have tried to ask if I am doing something wrong but she says she just wants to be with her mom. The mother does not help she just lets it happen. the mother works M-F 9 to 4pm and spends all other time with the 7 year old. This has become very exhausting for to deal with every day.


Anonymous said...

I am sorry you are going through this, it is very hard as I am experiencing something like you. The mom is home sometimes and I have to deal with a situation like yours all day...kid is so attached to her and just doesn't want to be with me since her mom is there. It is very hard,I am thinking of leaving them soon since I have talked to the mom and things not changing. She spoils kid, holds her all the time, and kid is 4, not a baby.

Leigh Raymer said...

Just some ideas on how to deal with this - google " children and tantrums" and there is a large amount of info and ideas the basic idea being that it's not personal it's because the child is struggling with being able to express what they are feeling. All the recommendations say to validate their feelings by naming their feelings and letting them know they are safe with you to express them.

There is no question that the moms sometimes react with guilt and make it worse by dragging it out

here are a few ways I have dealt with it in the past

Talk with the mother and child and have a CODE phrase for the mother following through and leaving. let's say after 15 minutes of tantrum all three together say " I love you and I will see you later, BYE BYE, or something silly like TA TA FOR NOW FUNNY FACE! " You need the mom to do it though - agree with the mom about how long the tantrum can go ( do not call it a tantrum, call it something like "distress") and then at the agreed upon discipline " I LOVE YOU BYE BYE FOR NOW"

also - you can invent your own reward system with a chart and stars, if the child works with ( and even if they do not) build the praise system with some kind of reward

also - maybe non sequitur humor - find something funny and silly to do as part of the leaving process - one time I got a three year old boy to stop the tantrums by carrying him to the window and "waiving bye to mommy with his foot!"

You have been with them a long time, maybe the youngster will grow out of it!

keep us posted !

Anonymous said...

I have some questions i wish were answered. Once the mother does leave is the child ok and emotionally reasonable?. If so, then it seems like not too bad to just deal with the temporary time of the tantrum if all is well later. BUT - if the child has started really intense negative emotions even after her mother is gone then that may indicate something in her life has changed or is an important issue. Is the child actually hurting herself by the emotion - not able to breathe, face turning red, is the rest of her day debilitated for her and you also. At 7 years old, is she home all day with you only for company? Is she being home schooled? She is definitely fortunate to have had the same caretaker her whole life. Check back please with any further info.

And to the poster at the top - I have been the nanny of children while the parents are in the house all day and it is a nightmare, I finally had to make a rule I would never do that again, it's not the child's fault, it's always a selfish clueless parent who expects their child to not want to be with them while in their sight, been there bought the t-shirt

Unknown said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. It can be frustrating as parents don’t always get that. The kids I nanny always want mom if she’s home too and it puts you in an awkward position

Unknown said...

Seven years old? Isn't this child in school or are you homeschooling the child?

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